schedule
November 19, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I quite liked this story. It was cute and lighthearted, yet erotic at the same time. There are only a couple of things I'd suggest.
I understand this wasn't really the point to the story, but there was no explanation as to Duo and Zechs' relationship except the fact that they were lovers. I felt as if I were dragged into the story without any explanation or introduction to what was going on. Granted, this wasn't supposed to be a very "deep" story, so I can forgive that.
The only other real beef I had with this story was one bit of punctuation. It's a very common mistake, which is one of the reasons it bothers me.
"For someone so short, he can pack a punch." Duo said, rubbing the injured area.
When a quotation that would normally end in a period is connected to a phrase like "Duo said," "Zechs suggested," etc., the period should be replaced with a comma:
"For someone so short, he can pack a punch," Duo said, rubbing the injured area.
If it were "said Duo" instead of "Duo said," then the word "said" would not be capitalized.
One more thing: It's "prostate," not "prostrate." :) "Prostrate" means when you're bowing before someone.
But other than those things, I felt this was a great story. I liked the way you worded things, and your spelling and punctuation were nearly flawless. I'd recently read some other stories that had terrible punctuation, and yours was a nice breath of fresh air.
Well done! I truly enjoyed reading your story.
I understand this wasn't really the point to the story, but there was no explanation as to Duo and Zechs' relationship except the fact that they were lovers. I felt as if I were dragged into the story without any explanation or introduction to what was going on. Granted, this wasn't supposed to be a very "deep" story, so I can forgive that.
The only other real beef I had with this story was one bit of punctuation. It's a very common mistake, which is one of the reasons it bothers me.
"For someone so short, he can pack a punch." Duo said, rubbing the injured area.
When a quotation that would normally end in a period is connected to a phrase like "Duo said," "Zechs suggested," etc., the period should be replaced with a comma:
"For someone so short, he can pack a punch," Duo said, rubbing the injured area.
If it were "said Duo" instead of "Duo said," then the word "said" would not be capitalized.
One more thing: It's "prostate," not "prostrate." :) "Prostrate" means when you're bowing before someone.
But other than those things, I felt this was a great story. I liked the way you worded things, and your spelling and punctuation were nearly flawless. I'd recently read some other stories that had terrible punctuation, and yours was a nice breath of fresh air.
Well done! I truly enjoyed reading your story.
schedule
January 15, 2003 at 12:00 AM
hehe, I love this story! It's one of my favorites. I think I saw this before on ff.net, no? So I was really happy to find it once again! Stupid ff.net. Oh, well, their loss. Great story.