schedule
December 30, 2004 at 12:00 AM
The story is interesting. Good thoughts behind it. The one thing that sticks out is the flow.
It\'s hard to read. Partly this is because of sentence structure, partly because other words
word simple sound better. I won\'t grumble about a few spelling errors. I would suggest you
read and re-read, alot. Re-phraze and move things around until it\'s smooth and easy to
understand. Perhaps, more use of imagery, more desriptive terms about the people and
places would make it seem more real. Feel free to e-mail me if you need anything.
Shelly
It\'s hard to read. Partly this is because of sentence structure, partly because other words
word simple sound better. I won\'t grumble about a few spelling errors. I would suggest you
read and re-read, alot. Re-phraze and move things around until it\'s smooth and easy to
understand. Perhaps, more use of imagery, more desriptive terms about the people and
places would make it seem more real. Feel free to e-mail me if you need anything.
Shelly
schedule
December 29, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Your crap. quit writing and delete your account. give the valuable bandwidth space to someone with talent.