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August 8, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Haha!...I mean...woops XD wierd lemon you have there...
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January 20, 2006 at 12:00 AM
HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that was very funny in the end....and so yummy during the action....mmmmmm........ja ne!1
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April 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
that was good, i really liked iot and i hope taht u make another one son okay6?? w *runs off to read more* make another one soon well, i gt,g later!!!!!!!!!
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February 7, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Wow man this fic rules, it\'s funny and hilarious,that was a very nice detention for Tyson too bad they we\'re interrupted, and kai si going to be fired or not? anways You gotta keep update it SOON!!!!
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February 5, 2005 at 12:00 AM
update soon
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September 16, 2004 at 12:00 AM
...
are you even old enough to write this ~_~? guess not... ever heard of paragrafs? and spacing? If you don't separate things more oftenly and put and order into things you'll leave your reviewers confused as it's hard to know when he's talking, thinking and when it changes from Tyson's POV to Kai's speach!
"why did you make me turn around"? <- not following, are you refering to when Kai walked in and told him he had to go into detention? what about it, why did he go so mad about it?!
Not wanting to flame your story, I honestly advise you to think about your style of writing, maybe lemons ain't for you. dot. Try fanfiction.net as your humor would certainly be apreciated in there in a more normal story. as for this one, though the idea is good, I honestly don't think you know how to explore it well and the use of slang doesn't really fit this stories unless it's used during a dialoge (his kinda crimson eyes...). besides, I think an inteligent person would at least check if the school was either empty or close the door for the entrance of it ne?
are you even old enough to write this ~_~? guess not... ever heard of paragrafs? and spacing? If you don't separate things more oftenly and put and order into things you'll leave your reviewers confused as it's hard to know when he's talking, thinking and when it changes from Tyson's POV to Kai's speach!
"why did you make me turn around"? <- not following, are you refering to when Kai walked in and told him he had to go into detention? what about it, why did he go so mad about it?!
Not wanting to flame your story, I honestly advise you to think about your style of writing, maybe lemons ain't for you. dot. Try fanfiction.net as your humor would certainly be apreciated in there in a more normal story. as for this one, though the idea is good, I honestly don't think you know how to explore it well and the use of slang doesn't really fit this stories unless it's used during a dialoge (his kinda crimson eyes...). besides, I think an inteligent person would at least check if the school was either empty or close the door for the entrance of it ne?
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September 16, 2004 at 12:00 AM
what happened to rest of the comment?? -_-... you should try fanfiction.net where your humor would fit other types of styories much better then now. Your style of writing isn't the best, as you use slang where u shouldn't (his kinda crimson eyes) and its does seem a bit chidislh. the idea is good, detention and all, title fits nicely, but it's I don'r think someone intelligent would do that... someone intelligent would check the school to see if it was empty and would at least seal the doo noo no one came in ne?
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September 13, 2004 at 12:00 AM
yo terrific work specially for ya first lemon and its shota too!!!!O_O without you even knowing it eh, now trhats extraordinairy! hahaha
Jen
Jen
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September 11, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Hi this is awesome... very good looking forward for more fic's from you
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September 11, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Me: oh my gosh! kai got fired?!
seto: *smirk* fucking in school isn't a good thing
me: what are you doing here seto?!
Seto: looking for the puppy, what do you think?
me: *smirk* joey isn't here right now, his at Yugi's
seto: fine... *leaves room*
Joey: hey girl, what's up?
me: nothing much
joey: well, that was a great start
me: you read the story?
joey: yup! where's seto?
me: i told him to look for you in Yugi's place
: yo: you did? well, see yea than! *leaves room*
me: update and i can't wait for more!!!
seto: *smirk* fucking in school isn't a good thing
me: what are you doing here seto?!
Seto: looking for the puppy, what do you think?
me: *smirk* joey isn't here right now, his at Yugi's
seto: fine... *leaves room*
Joey: hey girl, what's up?
me: nothing much
joey: well, that was a great start
me: you read the story?
joey: yup! where's seto?
me: i told him to look for you in Yugi's place
: yo: you did? well, see yea than! *leaves room*
me: update and i can't wait for more!!!