rate_review Reviews

This would have been a very steamy story for the lack of poor puncuation. It just went downhill towards the end, and that was a shame.

It was a pretty good story. I don't think there's anything wrong with well-written PWP. The biggest problem, I'd say, was the lack of capitalization. It's very difficult to read a story without capitalization at the beginning of sentences and names. Lack of capitalization will make your story look sloppy.

But it was well-written. I've always thought stories with voyeurism and masturbation to be very sexy. The ending seemed a bit rushed, but as you said, this was your first FMA fic, and I'm sure they'll get better.

I also liked how you put a bit of WAFF near the end, and managed to fit it into the timeline, as well as giving a reason for them acting like they're not boyfriend and girlfriend during the course of the story. A good one-shot overall.

Hey, first reviewer: just because it's not a perfect story doesn't give you the right to call it inexperienced. Oh yeah, and do learn how to spell that, won't you? It would make you seem as if you weren't a huge ass and that you actually know something. Damn, that was mean... <<. But, hey, I really hate reviewers who flame authors... or just anyone really. SO not cool. LEARN PROPER USE OF CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM BECAUSE FLAMING IS NOT CONSTRUCTVE! I really can't put it any more bluntly.Oh, and person who wrote the story, I will read and review. ^^

(continued)...<<. But,hey, I hate reviewers who flame authors, or just anyone really. LEARN THE USE OF PROPER CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM BECAUSE FLAMING IS NOT CONSTRUCTIVE, IT'S JUST RUDE! I honestly couldn't be more blunt. Oh, and author of story in conflict, I will read and review. ^^

Dammit, why does it do that?! >< Okay... to 1st reviewer: LEARN THE USE OF PROPER CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM BECAUSE FLAMING IS NOT CONSTRUCTIVE, IT'S JUST RUDE! Put as bluntly as possible. To author, I will read and review. ^^

Well, the only thing I could really see that needs adjusting is the capitalization at the beginning of each sentence, so it doesn't seem like the sentences are running together with various punctuation. Maybe some of the grammar needs work, but there is a definate story here. I think I read it before, just never reviewed ::sweat drop::. Gomen ne! Well, here's your review, have a pleasant day! ^^

Nice! I liked it, EdxWin are too cool:)

That was great, very well done, and very hot! Keep it up!

Possibly the best het lemon in the FMA section. Kudos to you! Excellent peice of work here. A yummy solo....Mmm

Yeah, you need to work on Your Punctuation. Nice Story though, but you should have made the sex scene longer and more romantic....