If That\'s What You Want Me to Do

Title: If that\'s what you want me to do

Notes: The song is Paranoid by \"Tantric.\" The last verse is chopped up. It was a response to a challenge that the web site owner deleted ^_^.

(I know, I know song fics are bad, but there are multiple chapters, and the first chapter is the only song fic)

Spoilers: There\'s a lot of reference to episode 19 and 20. Just incase you need a refresher: Heero goes to kill Duo, rescues him instead, and in twenty leaves for his next mission and tells Duo to get an education since Heero has already registered at a school in his name.



Also Sister Helen says the \"May G-d Bless you and keep you\" right before she dies, and if you don\'t know/don\'t remember she dies after the Church Duo Maxwell was adopted into (kind of) is destroyed a long with the many people inside. Duo was attempting to save them, and obviously didn\'t.



Warnings: not much. Just guns, and dark stuffs. It\'s a pretty crappy story too. It\'s mostly about Duo, though that isn\'t a warning.



Rating: For now it\'s just PG-13.



Diclaimer: Characters and the GW plot are not mine, and I’m not profiting from in in anyway.



If That’s What You Want me to Do



You all alone there in the dark



Shadows sinking into you



You\'re so afraid of everything



Is there something left for you



Duo shook a little as he pulled himself up from the cell floor.



\"Not even a damn window.\" The words carried out into the silence. There was nothing for them to grab onto, aside from the dull gray sheen of the moon on the cell floor. If it wouldn\'t have hurt to laugh, he would have. Inside the silence bit into him, tearing away chunk after chunk of emotional wall; built to keep everything out, especially him.



Old furnace parts and bits of the emergency shipment of coal when the power had gone out in all of L2 stuck to Duo\'s face, hair, and clothes. Not that the stolen fabric wasn\'t already black itself. Duo coughed, and curled into himself. Even if he screamed or whimpered, no one would hear him. No one had ever known that he existed, save for perhaps his mother, but now she either didn\'t care, or was no longer alive. The people he stole from wouldn\'t even know him; they would know the money it had cost them. Thievery wasn\'t an uncommon thing; L2 was not rich enough to afford such a luxury. Free of kleptomaniacs, survivors existed to steal; storeowners existed to be stolen from. Supply and demand without the middleman of money. The building he crouched in was abandoned and boarded up, no one came there. It wasn\'t really all that warm, but better than getting thrown into an overcrowded juvenile center for a few days. The centers were poor themselves, and usually couldn\'t offer a meal to all or more often any of their inmates.



\"Hey!\" a voice muttered from somewhere beyond the heat pile near the door. Duo squinted as a flashlight burned into his eyes. \"You can\'t stay here. They\'ll catch you.\" A hand and a smiling face.



\"Hi.\" Duo watched the slightly yellowish glint of the light on the boy\'s teeth.



\"Hi.\" His voice was even in response to the strangers, still a little cautious he moved slowly. His eyes missed a pile of coal on the floor and he fell forward, only to be caught in boy\'s arms. Duo felt the arms tighten their grip as they raised him back to a standing position.



\"My name\'s Solo. I\'ve got a safer place to stay, C\'m\' on.\" The yellow teeth still smiling brightly.



He opened his eyes to the darkness again, the pain rearing up inside of him. He laughed inspite of it, outright giggled.



Why bleed for the wicked



If the wicked don\'t bleed for me



Got to stand up



Psych myself up



That\'s the way it\'s gonna be



The light made him squint; momentarily he stared at the barrel of the gun, his body instantly becoming more alert before staring the owner in the eye.



\"I\'m surprised, Heero. You really turn up in the most unexpected places. Fine... I\'d much rather be killed by you than let myself and my Gundam be used by them. Go ahead and do it.\" The pain and his smile danced hand in hand before reconsidering. It was the moments pause, the pain accumulating in his life, the failed self destruct attempts, the cold sweat after, Shinigami looming over him watching him, the steel blue of Heero\'s eyes that made him afraid--no strong, weak? The smile widened. \"Hey, you\'re really gonna shoot me, aren\'t\'cha?\" Either way he was pinned under the gun, subdued, beaten, always beaten, even to his death. Beaten to the church, with the people, and the blood and the death. Beaten to self- destruction. Beaten, beaten, beaten.



\"If that\'s what you want me to do.\" Cold, calculated: perfectly Heero Yuy. His insides raged momentarily, before cracking, and helping themselves onto Heero\'s shoulder as his legs limped pitifully a long.



Why can\'t I move



I\'m tied up here



He said I\'ve seen this



Pain before



Sometimes I want



To disappear



Got to tell R>
R>


I\'m feeling paranoid



Darkness again, the darkness of a cell? No, his eyes reminded him gently after adjusting to the lights filtering in. The lights were so wonderful that they were whorish, the mark of a metropolis. Yes, colony lights. His eyes barely slanted open, wanting to run back screaming towards the darkness. Heero\'s figure stood towards the end of the bed, watching, just watching. Part of him wanted to speak, to say something, reach beneath the surface of the unsaid and drag it all out, the other part, the raging part just wanted to close its eyes again and sleep.



What you gonna do



What you gonna be



When they\'re coming after me



I know that I\'m feeling the lonely one



Heero mentally paused as he left the building, he wondered if Duo would really continue his education, as he had suggested. And how exactly the recovery process would go for him. He erased the thought quickly as a more important thought rushed towards him; how to kill the scientists. When on a mission, it was never a good idea to let his thoughts wander for too long.



Drinking away



Smoking away



Anything to stop the noise



Inside your head



Numbness instead



Until your thinking



Finds a cure



1 I After the War I



\"May g-d bless you and keep you\" He shook it off, shook all the words that somehow came with the gods of his past. Gods of his past. Hah, some Gods! The accumulation of his life lay before him in empty beer bottles and cigarettes. His new gods of a sort. Memories shifted before him, running in and out of the black and white spaces, the painful and the clam. Memories of Heero were the strongest or perhaps the most painful. Now his mind only saw one contast action: Heero\'s stare. The way it betrayed him said everything about him.



Once when he had first met Heero, of hof his nightmares had been of he and Heero. They were on a bed, both naked. Heero wasn\'t staring at him; instead he was lying on the bed, awake but looking into the darkness surrounding the bed. He was covered in horrible scabs and flesh wounds. Duo\'s fingers drove to clean and somehow pull them off, as soon as he removed one several more would appear. He began to sweat, so intent on removing all the wounds, the harm, that he didn\'t notice Heero was staring at him. Duo looked at his own body, seeing the wounds on himself he began to panic even more. Heero smiled at him, and moved back into the shadows on the bed. Duo had tried to call out to him, but the bed disappeared under them, swallowing both his words and the light, he plummeted into darkness.



His second most reoccurring dream was almost the same situation, but Heero was above him, staring through the window of a cell, as he frantically pulled the festering sores off his body, until the bed would again disappear the the words swallowed in it.



Here he was again, Heero and his eyes. Stupid blue eyes. So stupid that they made Duo\'s teeth hurt and his skin itch, despite the alcohol. He knew what would make it go away, and he figured he could sober up on the plane.



Why bleed for the wicked



If the wicked don\'t bleed for me



Got to stand up



Psych myself up



That\'s the way it\'s gonna be



Heero ignored the momentary gust of cold air into his shower, he knew better. He let five soapy minutes of waiting to aim for the eyes with shampoo covered fingers before rinsing off and opening the shower door.



\"hnnn.\" Confirmation.



Duo sat arms around knees on the toilet, a gun clutched almost unnoticed in his hand. He smelled of beer, and sweat, with a faint tinge of vomit. He would be tired, having flown so far. Heero reached for a towel and wrapped it around his waist. Hearing the motion, Duo uncoiled himself. The bags under his eyes seemed endless, the eyes themselves almost dull. A nervous dart to Heero\'s head, not directly at his eyes, and a firmer shake of the gun, drew attention.



\"Heero.\" His voice heavy, cracking with phlem, like he hadn\'t spoken in hours. Shakily his arm reached forward with the gun. \"Heero.\" His voice sounded dead, he wanted to give it feeling, to put emphasis on such an important matter. Heero merely stared at him. Duo watched the gun, and the water on Heero\'s chest.



Why can\'t I move



I\'m tied up here



Heero reached down and grabbed his chin; slowly he brought it up to look into its owners\' eyes. Tears welled up just under the maddeningly blue irises and nearly spilled fourth.


\"I want you to shoot me now.\" Just a whisper, barely reaching the volume of the tears.



\"Take a shower first.\" Heero slid into the other room and closed the door.



He said I\'ve seen this



Pain before



Heero watched the door, and listened. The sound of belt buckles soon turned into running water. Duo\'s face flashed in front of him in a thousand different instances. The first memory of their first meeting. The bullet tearing through flesh and sending the red-hot kind of pain he\'d felt before. This one though was different, this bullet had caught him off guard, had no idea who he was, was interested, but didn\'t want to kill him, not yet, and then not ever. The last memory was of something far more, at this moment, tangible: the gun pointed at Duo\'s head.



Sometimes I want



To disappear



Heero lost in thought and staring at the bottom of the door looked up when he heard the scrape of the gun on linoleum. Duo stood partially clothed in the jeans he had worn there and his hair down, sopping wet. He held the gun out towards Heero, a little more confident, his eyes wandering, trying to remember something new perhaps. His eyes fell to the window and saw, through the window, the moon. As he attempted to frame in his memory the dullest, ugliest light in all the bright flashing ones, his hand began to shake. His grip loosened slightly on the gun when he placed it in Heero\'s hand. His other hand made contact with Heero\'s arm, just because, and swaying he pushed away with it. The fingers still curved in the handle’s formation as he stumbled back and then after a moment let go.



Got to tell ya



I\'m feeling paranoid



Duo sat down on the carpet, facing the one piece of furniture in the room, and away from the window. He stared at his Shadow. Duo let his mind race, the slight tense of Heero\'s muscles under the skin fluttered back into the moonlight shifting around Duo\'s mind. Heero examined the gun, familiarized himself with it, opened and closed the cartridge chamber. He aimed it steadily... wondering just how many times he had missed.



~



Thanks for reading (=