Cages

Duo 151
What a day of ups and downs. First a huge fight with Heero, then my near-death horse-back ride, and finally my little warm and fuzzy scene Wufei style, which was considerably less warm and kind of prickly. By the time Zechs called for naptime, I had taken about all I could in the emotional upheavals department.
Unfortunately, I could feel Heero’s eyes on me as we walked up the stairs, telling me that he had something important to say. It was a battle of the wills, almost, as he just as easily read my posture, saying, “Leave me alone. I can’t take anymore.” I wanted to throw my hands in the air and ask for mercy. Anything to keep me from feeling any more.
And… it really wasn’t that I was feeling too badly about my actions that kept me from wanting to talk. I mean, of course I was feeling bad, I had been a complete jackass to everyone who had tried to save my life. I felt like the biggest loser in the world, but… damn if I didn’t feel like a loved and accepted loser at the same time. They had risked everything to save me, even though I was stupid and even though saving me wouldn‘t help them in the least. They had given everything they had to find me. Everything. For me. That had never happened before.
Which was why I felt that I was nearly full to the brim. Good or bad, I just didn’t think I could take any more emotion.
Too bad Heero didn’t get the memo. When we entered the bedroom, I felt him come up behind me, then slip his arms around my waist. I could feel his breath on my ear as he gently kissed the junction between my shoulder and my neck.
What the hell?
“Heero, what are you doing?” I wondered, slightly pissed even as I shivered in reaction to his kiss.
“I was worried about you,” he replied, which didn’t answer my question at all, but it did send a stab of guilt the whole way down my body.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered to him. “I never… I mean, I was mad, but I never meant for this to happen. I just...”
“Shh,” he soothed, “It wasn’t your fault,” he told me, which left me wondering who in the hell’s fault he thought it was, but I didn’t get time to ask as he pushed me to the bed, allowed me to turn to face him, and crawled into my lap, kissing me deeply as he got settled and stopping only to come up for air.
Yesterday, I would have fucked him in a heartbeat. I would have had my pants off so fast they probably would have caught fire from the friction of being jetted down my legs. But yesterday I was an asshole, and everything that had happened since yesterday made me want to finally stop being an asshole and start being as great a guy as all the others were turning out to be. Which made me ask, in my own eloquent style, what he was doing.
“What the hell has gotten into you?”
“You, ideally,” he replied, giving me a smirk that was all sex.
There was a little voice inside my head going, “Shit, dude, this is awesome! Look at him! He’s the sexiest thing on this planet, and he’s crawling all over you! This is going to be so hot! You have got to get in there and screw him silly!”
I just barely managed not to punch that guy’s lights out, and knowing that he was me might have been the only thing that kept me from trying. Realizing that even now, after all this, a part of me was still just seeing Heero and the others as playthings that would soon be left behind made my physically sick, especially now that they’d proven they were in for the long haul. It was enough to make me push Heero back, even when he seemed bent on making me as horny as possible.
“Heero, this isn’t like you. What are you doing?”
“You, if you’d start cooperating,” he growled, but the dirty pun seemed strange and forced coming from his mouth. It seemed so unlike him, and even a little desperate in the way he said it. His tone, if nothing else, made me certain that this wasn’t right.
“Damn it, Heero, get the fuck off! And don’t even try to turn that into a pun, because it sounds weird when you say it,” I told him, pushing him off of me and climbing to my feet. I felt bad about my harsh words, especially when Heero turned away from me with a hurt look on his face, but it wasn’t so long ago that I would have been selfish enough to take what he was offering, and I was worried that the temptation would be too much for my new-found good nature. So, instead of risking a backslide, I got some space between us before facing Heero again. I was calmer the second time, sitting beside him on the bed, just out of arm’s reach.
“What’s going on here?” I asked him softly even though he wouldn’t look at me. “The last time I tried to kiss you, you decked me. Now you want screw right down the hall from Zechs? What’s the deal?”
“Nothing,” he muttered sourly, his eyes never meeting mine as he quickly fled toward his own bed. “It was stupid. I apologize for making you uncomfortable. It won‘t happen again.”
“Now there’s were you’re wrong,” I told him, grabbing his wrist and pulling him back to the bed. He allowed it, more out of surprise than anything, I think. “Unless you tell me explicitly that you have no interest in me, I will continue to pursue you without remorse.”
“But… then why won’t you…” Heero wondered, confused.
“It’s not because I don’t want you, that’s for damn sure,” I told him, finally getting him to meet my eyes. “But I want to know that you actually want me as well.”
“Of course I want you,” Heero said, glaring in annoyance. “I offered, didn’t I?”
“Then why were you so adamant that we screw right now? Why can’t it wait until tomorrow? And why this sudden change? Why is it okay for us to have sex now, but it wasn’t before?”
“Because,” Heero said harshly, turning away from me again. “Because I realized something while you were gone, possibly dead in that storm. I realized that I need Master, but I can’t live without you. I won’t… I won’t deny you anything that I have the power to give, just don’t… don’t leave like that again.”
And there it was. It wasn’t sex, or lust, or even love. It was payment. He was buying my cooperation with his body. Whatever I wanted, no matter what it cost him, he would give me to keep me around. I was a mission to him, a job that he hadn’t managed to complete, and now he was trying to rectify his error. If anything, it was guilt that brought him to me.
And what about the cost to him? Heero certainly wasn’t a prude, but he wasn’t a sexual being either. What had it cost him, to openly whore himself like that? And what if Zechs found out? Could he really stand his precious master’s anger, or worse, his disappointment?
Which was really at the root of the problem, I realized with a sudden clarity. I was bitter and jealous at Heero’s relationship with Zechs, because Heero loved him. It stirred up painful memories of my own master-slave relationship and made me jealous that his had lasted so long and gone so well, while mine had been rocky and short-lived. More than that, I was jealous of Zechs for winning Heero’s love and not appreciating it. How could he need more slaves, when he had someone as perfect Heero totally devoted to him? How dare he think he deserved more, or even that much!
But, regardless of my own emotions, I realized that it wouldn’t be fair of me to put a wedge between them with my own selfish desires. If Heero’s relationship with me progressed while Zechs wasn’t looking, that was fine, but it needed to be done because Heero wanted it to, and not because he felt that it had to for him to keep me. So, instead of pulling him close and ripping off his clothes like I wanted to, I sat down in front of him and placed my hands on his shoulders.
“Listen to me,” I told him, giving his shoulders a gentle shake to get his attention. “I’m not going to do anything that stupid ever again, regardless of whether or not you sleep with me. Get it? I’m here to stay, even if you don’t want to screw me, alright? But don’t think that I don’t like you, because I think you’re great and I’d totally want to sleep with you if I didn’t think that you were doing it because you thought you had to and not because you wanted to, alright? Because you are so dead-sexy-hot that you could make me hard even if I were a corpse, which I’m not so-…”
“Duo!” Heero snapped, an amused little grin on his face that was way hotter than his earlier smirk because it was genuine and all Heero.
“Huh?”
“You were rambling. I get it. You won’t do something stupid just because I won’t have sex with you.”
“But I’d really like to if you ever have the urge to.”
“Yes, I got that.”
“Good, because it’s really important-…”
“Duo, get in bed.”
“Does that mean…?”
“No, it does not. I intend to sleep with you, but if your dick makes any aggressive moves I will cut it off,” he said, completely without humor and keeping to his side of the mattress as we both settled down to sleep.
“Jesus, Heero, what a way to make a guy lose a boner.”
“I fully intend to hold you to your promise of not doing anything stupid while I decide if conditions are favorable to have intercourse with you.”
“You’re gonna torment me with this shit, aren’t you?”
“Affirmative.”

Zechs 152
The rest of that day passed in a blur, both for myself and the rest of the house. I awoke only once, to consume dinner, which Heero, who had already rested the previous day, was able to make. The nervous energy that had sustained us all through the previous day seemed to have given out, and even Wufei was dragging. Quatre seemed barely able to wake himself enough to eat, and had managed to gain a slight fever in his sleep that would have to be watched closely in the coming days. For the time being, I merely administered some over the counter cold medication and sent him back to bed. The others, as well, I forced to retire, including Heero once he had seen that the horses were settled for the night. By all accounts, we slept through more of Tuesday than we saw.
When I awoke Wednesday morning I was alone in bed, which wasn’t unusual since Wufei is usually a very early riser, although on this particular morning I couldn’t help but wish that he’d stayed in bed. Everything seemed too crisp, too bright for me to handle when coming from the sleep-stupor I had been in since yesterday. The crispness of the air reminded me that we had few cool day left until the hottest days of summer would banish these stray storms from the area, and then few scant weeks from there before we would return to Collar for our first, and hopefully last, competition. So far I had not been able to see more than a few of the boys’ lessons, and I had seen none of Duo’s acts, nor was I even certain he had been practicing. I had tasted Quatre’s cooking skills often enough, but nothing of his other competitions, and likewise I had seen only a few of the weapons Trowa had created, nothing more. I had helped Heero on several of his lessons, which hardly made up for the fact that I knew nothing about Duo’s. Wufei was probably alright with his tasks, as he was something of a legend, but it still worried me how little I knew about what we were going to be doing in roughly six weeks’ time.
As well, it reminded me that I had only a few more weeks until I would be expected at several parties at different master’s houses, all of which had sent me invitations weeks ago. Many, I knew from Collar circles, were from powerful masters who might be able to help in my quest to win Collar, and I had accepted four invitations and replying that I would stay no longer than three days at each. With traveling, I hoped to have this over within two weeks. I had yet to decide which slave I would be taking with me to each of the events, for I had written in reply that I could not afford to deprive more than one slave at a time from valuable practice time. I was leaning heavily toward taking Duo with me for at least one of the trips, if only I could be assured that he would behave. As hesitant as I was to leave him behind again, I was almost more hesitant to take him away from Heero’s stabilizing support.
It crossed my mind then that I would probably have to leave Duo for at least a few days in the near future to take a “business trip” as Preventers would most likely not allow me to go back to Collar without a progress report, and since I wouldn’t have time for it closer to Collar I had better schedule it for before. I would need to create a plan of attack for Preventers now that I had experience with this enemy, and I would have to decide what signal I would use to start the attack once I was certain where the Owner was. Perhaps the Preventers’ lab had cooked something up for this very occasion…
My thoughts were interrupted as Wufei entered the room, and for once I was glad to lose my train of thought. Even better, he carried with him a tray of breakfast, and I could have wept at the glorious smells coming from it. Only then did I realize how ravenous I was, and at once my stomach let out a yowl so loud that I blushed. Wufei merely chuckled.
“I see I am well received,” he teased, placing the tray in front of me. “After you slept like the dead last night I thought you might be hungry this morning, still replenishing your fat stores from your trek into the forest, I see.”
“If Quatre keeps cooking like this I’ll have an entire vault of fat to pull from on my next trek, but I might be too fat to walk.”
“I doubt that,” Wufei said, coming to sit beside me and handing me a plate of food. “Not with all the stress we put you through, anyway.”
“You could be right about that,” I said, taking a bite of omelet and savoring the flavor. But something was off, and it took me a moment to figure out what was wrong. “Wufei, aren’t you going to eat with me?” I wondered. Wufei started and blushed in response.
“I hadn’t thought of it,” he said, smiling in a self-depreciating sort of way, “I suppose old habits die hard.”
“As I’m coming to see,” I told him, for I had often faced the habits drilled into my slaves by their former masters, although Wufei always seemed the least scarred by those encounters. Still, it would be silly to think that his psyche would be completely untouched, especially after years with the Owner. “Still, the only way to break a habit is to defeat it,” I told him. “And so, viola,” I said, holding my fork, a piece of omelet perched on the end, to his lips. After a moment’s hesitation, he took it. “We have defeated your habit.”
“I don’t think it’s that easy,” he said after swallowing the egg.
“Maybe not, but let’s let me dream for now, alright? So, help me finish this food. Have the other boys eaten?”
“Yes, were up earlier this morning and most have already started their lessons,” he said, then paused for a moment, a hesitation that was strange for him. “Duo is awaiting his punishment.”
I stopped, holding completely still for a moment, with the shock of this reminder. I had almost forgotten that I had promised to punish Duo, and now it seemed that I would have to make good on that promise regardless.
“I’ll handle it,” I replied curtly. “Tell Duo to meet me in my study at noon.”
“Do you know what you’ll do?” he asked softly, as though we were being hunted. Then again, questioning a master was probably considered dangerous in Collar, so perhaps his caution was warranted. I smiled reassuringly.
“I’ll handle it,” I told him, which seemed to reassure him, and we finished the rest of breakfast in relaxed silence.
It was 9:30 before I managed to finish breakfast and trek down to my office, and 10:30 before I managed to convince myself of what I had known would have to be done since I found that Duo was missing.
Despite the fears of the rest of the house, I had no intention of getting rid of Duo. I was aware of how far he had come to adjust to our ways, and I knew how important he was to Heero, not to mention how valuable he would be at Collar. It wasn’t the fact that Duo had run off that upset me; it was the fact that he had almost been killed because I had not been able to find him. What if, instead of running off, Duo had been kidnapped? What if someone had managed to get the anklet off of one of the boys while we were shopping and carried him off? What if one of them had simply gotten lost somewhere on the property and was unable to find a way back?
In my mind, there didn’t seem to be any choice. I would have to implant a tracking chip on all of them, a measure that Sally had been supporting since I had brought them home. The chip would allow my security team (and Preventers) to be able to locate them in case of an emergency. It would also let us locate them quickly if one got kidnapped or lost. Lastly, and the reason I was most hesitant to have it implanted, it would allow security to find them quickly if one attempted to run off.
I had hoped it wouldn’t come to these extremes. It was unfashionable at Collar of have tracking chips in slaves, since this was often taken as a sign that the master couldn’t control his slaves. Beyond that, though, it would make it very hard for me to convince the boys that I did have faith in them now that I was literally putting a digital leash on them. It would also make it far more difficult to create a feeling of normality in their lives, and I worried what this last invasion of their privacy would do the their psyches.
Still, even though I was reluctant to go to such lengths, in light of recent events it seemed unavoidable. Having them alive and upset would still be far better than having them dead. I would not risk losing any of my boys to stupid mistakes and careless errors of judgment. By 11:00 I had made the necessary calls and everything was in order, and I set about other tasks while I waited for Sally to arrive.
At 12:03, a soft knock sounded on my door, and after a hesitant moment the door opened and Duo peeked his head in.
“Hey,” he said softly, completely without his usual brash fire. “Wufei said you wanted to see me? And Sally just pulled up outside. I think she said she’d been in the medical room if you needed her.”
“When,” I corrected. “I asked her to come today to do more than give you a check-up.”
“I kind of figured,” he said sullenly. “So what do you have in mind? Tattoos? Branding? Branding hurts more, but tattoos are harder to get rid of when I change masters. They all suck, but I guess it’s better than being sold.”
“I’m not going to brand or tattoo you, and if I were I certainly wouldn’t invite Sally to help with it. She’d kill me if she knew I’d even though of it,” I replied, repressing the urge to reach out to Duo. Duo’s mask was often so firmly in place that I would forget how much abuse he had suffered in the past.
“Then what the hell do you need her for?” he groused, and I could see his anxiety lighting his usual spark of violence. His body tensed as I watched, and I sighed mentally as I realized how difficult this was going to be. It was lucky I hadn’t giving in to the temptation to touch him; I was fairly certain that Duo would have struck out had I attempted.
“I’m going to have you tagged with a tracking device,” I told him bluntly. “Sally will inject a chip about the size of a grain of rice into your shoulder so that I will be able to track you at all times.”
“That’s it?” he wondered, and I was astounded to see him visibly relax. “That’s not such a big deal. I mean, it sucks that you’ll always know where I am, but I don’t go anywhere you don’t know about anyway.”
“I suppose,” I replied hesitantly. Duo was like handling unknown chemicals. I was never certain what would set him off and what would merely fizzle out, but it was always certain that if I did get a reaction it would almost always result in something blowing up. “Well, in that case, let’s go se Sally. I’m sure she’ll want to finish this quickly. We can discuss your punishment this evening, after the others are finished.”
“Wait,” Duo said, frowning and coming to a halt where he had been approaching the door. “What others?”
“Ah… the other boys.”
I could almost see the chemicals mix as he contemplated that statement, and I could only await the imminent explosion.
“You can punish everyone just because I made a boneheaded mistake! That’s totally not fair!”
“Duo, this isn’t a punishment for your mistake. You’re punishment will be cleaning out the horse stalls until further notice and a complete suspension of your riding privileges. However, you’re little outing into the woods made me realize just how easy it would be for one of you to get lost or even kidnapped. I’m not going to risk losing you or any of the others over something as tiny as a tracking chip. Now, you can shut up and go to the medical room, or I can haul you there. One way or another, you are getting this chip.”
To my great relief, Duo picked the first option, huffed, and stormed out of the room.
Sally, as expected, was waiting for us in the medical room, here gear already unpacked an neatly arranged. She seemed to sense Duo’s angry mood, and made quick work of delivering injection that would numb the part of Duo’s shoulder that was to contain the chip. From there we only had to wait a few minutes for the drug to take effect, with Duo glaring sullenly at the floor, before Sally was able to insert the device. The device was delivered using piece of equipment similar to a large syringe, except that only the tip had to be inserted, as the tip contained the chip, which would naturally lodge in the skin as the needle was withdrawn. Although the chip was small, it still took a bit of force to penetrate it through the skin and into the muscle of the shoulder, so Sally was careful to disinfect and bandage the site before releasing Duo with stern orders not to do any significant lifting for the rest of the day.
“I’ll also be leaving something for the soreness with Zechs, so if it starts to hurt or stiffen up just ask for the prescription,” sally instructed. Duo nodded, but I knew that even if his arm was about to fall off, he would not ask me for any drugs.
“Send Trowa in next,” I told Duo softly. “And Duo? Try not to give him any warning as to what is going on. Trowa reacts very badly to needles, and I it would be far easier on him if we could avoid any hysterics.”

Trowa 153
It was with some trepidation that I approached the medical room, where I knew Master would be awaiting me. It was an odd feeling, both usual and unusual. I had to admit, I wasn’t at all unaccustomed to being nervous at the thought of meeting with a master for unknown reasons. At Collar, there had scarcely been a meeting with a master that I hadn’t feared, so the emotion had begun to feel quite natural to me. On the other hand, I had not once been given any reason or provocation to fear Master Zechs since he removed the dreaded piercings from my body. Even then he had not so much intimidated me as confused and frightened me. I hadn’t been able to believe his motives, and had feared darker torments would await me if I put my faith in him.
But Master had proved himself nothing if not honorable, and I no longer saw any reason to dread him. Obedience was naturally given to him, so much that it seemed like far more struggle to Duo to disobey him than to obey, and respect had been slowly earned through his thoughtfulness and consideration. So, while I might have felt somewhat nervous that I might have somehow accidentally displeased Master, I felt no fear of retribution or terror of impending cruelty.
It had taken me a few minutes to get to the medical room, since I had been catching up with some of my weapons training when Duo called me. It had taken me a few minutes to clear my supplies, but it had not taken me a significant amount of time to get downstairs, so I was confused to find that Sally was already absent from the medical room, leaving just Master present to receive me. Master, as well, had a somewhat bored look on his face, reclining on a large chair in the corner of the room. There was something small in his hand that he was worrying, but it was so tiny that I couldn’t see what it was.
“Master?” I called, to which he looked in my direction and smiled, though a lingering shadow still seemed to haunt his face. But the smile did manage to put my fears of being in trouble at ease.
“I was wondering when you’d get here.”
“I apologize. I was in the middle of practice and had to clear everything before I could come down.”
“Practice? I’m sorry I disturbed you. How is it going?”
“Well, Master. I hope to be competitive for Collar.”
“That’s good,” Master said. After that, a silence fell between us, with Master’s face once again going dark with worry. Finally, he sighed and looked me in the eyes. “I think the pleasant part of this meeting is over now,” he said, holding out his hand and revealing the small blue pill that he had been holding. “I need you to trust me, and take this.”
It was such an odd occurrence for Master to spring something like this on one of his slaves that I hesitated, glancing between the pill and where Master was still seated on the chair. It took one glance for me to realize that he was asking me to take the pill, and another for me to realize that he wasn’t going to say anything else. The third glance was merely to ask for reassurance, which Master’s calm, warm blue eyes gave. With that, I took the pill and swallowed it dry, ignoring the uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.
I did trust Master, as much as my hesitancy must have told him otherwise. Master was the first person I had truly trusted, and the four others that I had learned to trust all lived in his house. Were it not for the bad memories connected with drugs in other master’s hand, I would not have hesitated at all, but loss of mental and physical control for a slave was terrifying for many reasons, least of which was an imminent rape and worst of which was the fact that masters could easily learn your secrets and your fears.
But Master already knew my fears, and I had no secrets to keep from him, so I didn’t fear losing control in front of him. Master had proven several times already that he would not allow his slaves to be unnecessarily hurt and he had shown a dislike for excessive cruelty, so I felt safer with him than I would anywhere at Collar.
“Thank you, Trowa,” Master said softly, returning my attention to the present time. “Now, tell me, how have your other studies been going?”
“Other studies?” I repeated stupidly. The day was taking so many leaps that I was hard-pressed to keep up.
“Yes, you’re doing an interpretive dance, aren’t you? How is that going? Have you completed a routine?”
“The routine is still unfinished but I have selected the music. It’s a violin solo about the secret love and longing for a lover. It’s a more classical piece, but it tends to be more difficult to create an interesting routine to classical music, so it scores better when done well. It’s a risk, but there’s no other way for me to score well my first year. It…” I paused as I began to sway on my feet. My body had been feeling heavy and strange for a few moments, but I hadn’t expected the drug to hit me so suddenly.
Master was up in an instant and beside me, letting me lean on his shoulder.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, trying to regain my footing even as Master led me to the room’s small bed.
“It’s alright, this was completely expected, although I do wish you’d given me a bit more warning. Now, sit down before you fall down,” he instructed, helping me to get seated on the gurney. Once I was propped against the wall and fully seat, Master surprised me by hopping up beside me and pulling me into his arms.
“Hold your hand up for a moment,” he told me, pulling my hand up until it was level with my chest, then leaving me to shakily hold it on my own for the few minutes that I could. “We’ll give it another few minutes,” he told me, gently running a hand down my arm. “Now, tell me, how are you really doing? The others are so loud and noisy, sometimes I forget you’re even around. So how are you getting along?”
“Fine,” I responded instinctively, but the pregnant silence that followed told even my fuzzy brain that Master would not be satisfied with such a short answer. “I’m doing well. Wufei says I’m making good progress in my reading and he thinks that I might be done with lessons at the end of the summer. Heero and I get along well, and I’m fine with Duo when he’s normal. I like being around Quatre.”
“You do seem close to Quatre,” Master said. “I was worried when you first arrived that you might have a hard time making friends because you and Heero didn’t seem to like each other. I worried that you’d be too shy to talk to anyone, but it seems that Quatre managed to get close to you after all.”
But had he? I couldn’t help but wonder at that fact. I spent the most time with Quatre, certainly, and I enjoyed being around Quatre the most, but could we actually be called close? After all, he had barely spoken a word to me about his time with Master, and I was fairly certain that good friends would not hold such secrets from each other. Then again, I had not had the nerve to do more than pose a few superficial questions to him about it, and had backed down when he had seemed reluctant to answer me. What good would it do to force the answers from him? If he didn’t feel comfortable trusting me, then I probably was not worthy to be trusted, for Quatre had a knack for understanding peoples’ characters. It was more likely that I was untrustworthy than it was that Quatre had made an error in judging my personality, especially after all the time we had spent together.
Perhaps he was right about me. After all, wouldn’t a true friend confess the secrets of his heart? And yet I hid my darkest secret, the unfriendly attraction I felt for Quatre, afraid of the response it might get me. If I were braver, like Duo, or more stoic, like Heero, or even more scholarly, like Wufei, I might be able to overcome the feeling, or remain unresponsive to it, or even logic it into non-existence. If I were purer of heart, like Quatre, it would never have come to exist, but I was none of those things. I was the flawed doll amongst the perfect pieces.
“Trowa? Are you alright?” Master wondered, and only then did I realize that I had not answered his question. “Do you feel tired?” he continued to ask, and I realized suddenly that I did feel extremely heavy and lethargic.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, feeling as though I could no longer hold my head up and allowing it to rest against Master’s shoulder.
“I told you, it’s to be expected. Now, I’m going to take off your shirt, so try to stay up while I get it off you,” he said. I tried to do as he bid, but it was terribly difficult to control any of my muscles, so I was able to do little more than cling to Master as he guided the shirt up my shoulders and over my head, keeping a firm hold on my torso all the while. The air felt cool and my bare arms and back. I shivered lightly and clung more closely to Master’s warm form. He chuckled in response, and I must imagine that I looked something like a cold puppy as I curled into him, but I didn’t mind the comparison. Being a slave leaves little room for wounded pride.
“Sally, I think he’s ready,” Master called, and I had to fight off a brief stab of annoyance. It had been some time since Master had shown such individual consideration to me, and friendship alone could not replace the warmth and security that a devoted lover could bring. I realized with a sudden clarity that I had been feeling lonely and forgotten, even with as kind as the other slaves were to me, since Master had been so busy with the others. Was I jealous, even, of the individual attention Quatre had gotten? Was that the reason I had pushed so hard to know what had transpired between Master and his slave? Was I truly that petty?
But it was more than that, and lower still. I was jealous of Master as well, as sick as that made me. I had been the most often around Quatre, the one he most often turned to with his problems. I should have been the one to realize what was wrong. I should have been the one to realize what was wrong. And I…
…I should have been the one to fix it.

Zechs 154
I had forgotten how damn cute Trowa could be when all his mental barriers were down. He had the biggest, most expressive brown eyes when he chose to use them, and it was probably a good thing that he kept them mostly hidden behind that shock of hair of his, otherwise everyone would know what was going through his mind all the time.
That’s not really true. Everyone would know what emotion was going through his mind all the time, but what I wouldn’t have given to be able to read his thoughts. Especially when Quatre was mentioned, and those big green eyes began to turn introspective, suddenly and randomly filling with rage or sadness, even as far as a rather convincing disgust that made me worry for a moment about the drug having a side effect.
I knew things would be hard for Trowa if the dynamics between him and Quatre changed, but there hadn’t been another option. I knew Trowa relied on Quatre for socialization almost as much as Heero relied on Duo to make him relax and have fun. Where Duo would overcome Heero’s workaholic attitude, Quatre would overcome Trowa’s severe shyness. It had gained Duo and Quatre a deep loyalty from the other two, and it also gave Duo and Quatre the stability and structure they both needed in their lives. However, due to my intereference, Quatre was now looking toward me for his sole source of stability, and Trowa was forced to grapple with this new development that had so radically altered their relationship. The relationship between Trowa and Quatre had suddenly become as tentative as Heero and Duo’s, just when Heero and Duo’s relationship seemed to finally be settling down.
“I want you to relax now,” I told him, turning him around so that he could comfortably lay his head on my shoulder, putting his legs on either side of my and my back against the wall. Once he was situated and settled, his eyes nearly closed by the drug-induced exhaustion, I called for Sally, who bustled in a moment later.
Was it really only a few minutes ago that Duo had been in the same place? The scene was so different this time that I could barely see that the same thing was happening. Instead of an angry, petulant teen facing Sally and daring me to offer comfort there was a shy, frightened boy who would rather hide behind me than let Sally near him. Instead of wanting to bend him over the table and hold him for Sally, I was tempted to knock the table over and hide Trowa behind it. Instead of inspiring annoyance in me, Trowa’s reaction to Sally engaged every protective instinct contained within my over-protective soul.
I did, however, wish Trowa had a bit of Duo’s stoicism and attitude when he saw Sally holding the needle, but it was my own fault that he didn’t. To prevent any chance of Trowa running off again and possibly hurting himself, Sally and I agreed to drug him before the shot, but the precaution had made it impossibly for Trowa to contain his fear. He surprised me by casting a quick glance over his shoulder while Sally was preparing the needle, and I hadn’t been able to turn him back around before he had seen the gleaming tip. The whimper of terror he let out would have been enough to prompt me to carry him right out of the room had I not ordered this task myself. As it was I barely restrained myself to clutching his shaking form closer and whispering soothing words into his ear.
He had been doing so well, too, that I couldn’t say for certain that he would have run if given the chance. He had helped to hold Duo for his injections several times and had done little more than shiver fearfully at the needle that was less than a foot from his own skin. And even when I had surprised Heero with an injection to keep him from running off, Trowa had done little more than flinch at the terrible metal. Unfortunately, I couldn’t trust that Trowa’s reactions were actually because he was learning to accept needles rather than because the needles were aimed at someone else. There was a strong possibility that Trowa might only react so strongly when the needle was aimed at him, so I felt that precautions were necessary, lest he hurt himself.
The ordeal probably felt like it took forever for Trowa, but it was actually over very quickly. Sally rubbed a numbing cream over the site of the injection, waited three minutes, then inserted the chip and cleaned the wound, with the whole process taking less than five minutes total.
Of course, Trowa was still highly upset, and with the drugs still in his system, along with all the other worries I had for him, I didn’t feel right about leaving him alone immediately.
“Heero is probably in the training room down the hall. Would you mind going to get him and informing him of what’s being done? I’d like to put Trowa in the den to rest,” I told Sally. She agreed and left the room as I lifted Trowa, awkwardly since he was nearly my size, and carried him into the den.
Trowa’s breathing was shallow and sporadic when I gently laid him down and covered him with an afghan, so I sat at the top of the couch and let him pillow his head in my lap. In a surprisingly short amount of time he calmed and his breathing evened out in a sleep-like rhythm. Perhaps I had underestimated him in applying the drugs and should have allowed him to try on his own, but there was no use regretting it now. Besides, had I not used the drugs I never would have gotten this peaceful moment to sit and merely enjoy the peace and silence with my quietest slave. It was almost with disappointment that I heard Heero and Sally coming down the hall and realized that I should go and talk to him about this myself.
I sighed and moved out from under Trowa, rising and moving to leave the room, but Trowa’s arm shot out clumsily from under the blankets and made to grab at my sleeve.
“Stay,” he whispered, fighting to get his eyes open and trying in vain to rise and come after me. “Please stay.”
“Shh,” I soothed, kneeling next to him and taking his hand in my own. “I’m not going far, just in the other room.”
“No. Stay here,” he pleaded, his voice no more than a puff of breath. “Stay with me.”
“Alright,” I told him and I saw him suddenly relax, his body going lax as his eyes stopped fighting to stay open and slipped nearly shut.
“…Lonely,” he whispered softly, and I’m fairly certain that he didn’t mean to say it out loud, because he started slightly when I asked, “Why are you lonely? There are lots of people you can talk to in the house.”
“It’s not the same,” he said softly, as though it was something he was hesitant to admit. “The others are friends. They won’t get close to me like you will. They aren’t… you.”
“They aren’t your lovers, you mean,” I asked him quietly. It shouldn’t have surprised me; out of all the boys, Trowa was actually the most tactile, the one who most craved physical touch and demonstrations, even though he was too shy to ask for it. The electrodes in his past had deprived his body of years of human contact that it was now trying to make up despite the mental blocks and phobias that had been put in place. In some respects, he was a lot like Duo, only his problem had been much easier to overcome since there was a physical item that caused all his pain, whereas Duo had many different triggers.
“I…” Trowa hesitated, mulling over what to say, “I miss you,” he finished neutrally.
“It’s understandable, I haven’t spent much time with you lately,” I soothed, but Trowa looked more upset despite my efforts.
“You don’t understand. I’m not a good person. I was jealous of you when you took Quatre, and jealous of him when you came back,” he said, his mental anguish lending him strength as the drugs began to wear off. “I don’t deserve to be with you.”
“Of course you were jealous. I took your best friend away from you and paid him far more attention than I was paying you. But you have to know that it wasn’t because I like him better, and Quatre hasn’t stopped being your friend either. He’s probably fonder of you than he is of me.”
Trowa looked uncomfortable and hesitant to speak. “Of course he likes you better. You are his master. You have more to offer him than I do.”
“But that’s not the way friendship is supposed to work. Friendship isn’t about giving or taking, it’s about being there because you want to. Because you want the other person to be happy.”
“But what if making the other person happy doesn’t make you happy?” he wondered, and I realized suddenly that neither of us was speaking of friendship, but I was the only one who knew it.
“Then you have to decide which of you is more important, and if you can truly be happy if he is unhappy, or if you would do better to let him find his own happiness and try to find ours elsewhere.”
“I don’t want to be alone,” he whispered softly, but there was a note of despairing resignation in it so potent that I shifted myself back to the couch and took him in my arms.
“You will never be alone,” I told him firmly, stroking his hair as I held him to me. “We will always be here for you, no matter what choices you make. But don’t expect Quatre to reciprocate feelings that you’ve never expressed to him. You might have to take a risk to really get his attention, but even if you can’t you will still have a home here, understand? You are not alone.”
For a moment, I thought I might have pushed too far, because Trowa looked frightened at what I had said, but the fear only lasted for a moment, though whether due to my expression or the drugs in his system I couldn’t tell you. Still, in only a few more minutes Trowa had dozed into a fitful sleep.
As upset as I was at the realization that I didn’t really know what all was happening with my slaves, I was glad that I had managed to talk to Trowa so openly, for his normal self would have taken months to give me as much information as his drugged self had revealed in minutes.
It made me realize, suddenly, that I would need to allow the boys to start relying on each other instead of me. I would have to allow myself to be replaced if I ever wanted to see them with normal, stable lives and relationships. They could fend for themselves, certainly, but they couldn’t be happy alone, and by remaining only with me they were alone more often than not.
But too I would have to be careful not to reveal my plans to them, which would most likely make them feel obligated to become a couple in order to please me, which was not what I wanted at all. I would have to merely wait this out, as difficult as waiting was for me, and see if I couldn’t nudge them in the direction they were already going. It would be a tricky thing, to try to oversee a relationship between boys who had never even seen a normal, stable relationship, and without letting them catch me at it as well. Luckily enough the boys were being cautious about it, and I had yet to so much as see Trowa and Quatre holding hands. Hopefully they wouldn’t mistake a true relationship for a sexual one, which is the only kind they had known in the past.
It was such an odd situation, for in normal circumstances I would caution them no to have sex until they were certain they were ready, but since they were already so experienced and because of the likelihood that they would be asked to perform with one another at Collar such advice would be silly at best. Still, they were already learning to be friends and work together, so that was at least one step in the right direction.
Perhaps in the week I was away they would feel more comfortable building a relationship, although I was hesitant to allow such a thing to occur without guidance, but certainly Wufei would be able to avert any kind of emotional disaster in my stead. Other than that I would simply have to trust the boys to take care while I was away.
Five teenage boys with no supervision and full permission for sexual activity.
A recipe for disaster.

Wufei 155
It was afternoon before I saw Zechs again. After breakfast I had gone to give Trowa his writing lesson for the day, and then went to practice my own skills when Duo had called him away. Despite all the interruptions, I actually felt that I was making good progress in comparing for the competition. Something about being such an atmosphere as this had sparked my creativity, and I was doing better at dance and chess than I ever had, coming up with better routines in dance and more intricate moves in chess. The others were less affected by my sudden increase in creativity, but still benefited from my abundance of enthusiasm. I was almost startled to find that I was having fun with things that had been like military drills to me in the past. Perhaps it was the lack of pressure from Zechs, or perhaps it was the atmosphere he had created in the house, but I felt more alive than I had in years.
Or, on the other hand, perhaps it was just all the pent-up sexual energy that I had been unable to release lately. It would soon be two months since Zechs brought me here from Collar and, except for one incidence of rampant passion, I had been celibate the entire time. I was beginning to feel like some kind of monk!
Perhaps I could jump him before dinner, I mused when I received a summons from Quatre to meet Zechs downstairs. The thought made me blush at my own uncharacteristic lust, but all the same I couldn’t deny that the idea had some merit. By the time he retired at night Zechs was usually too tired and mentally drained to have sex, and he always rose too late in the morning for me to stick around. I could try waking him up to sex, I supposed, but even I wasn’t so desperate as to be able to do something so kinky without being asked or at least given permission. I had contemplated trying to seduce him at breakfast, but seeing Duo mope around downstairs had reminded me that Zechs still had responsibilities with the other slaves, and having him sleep all day again would not be conducive to getting everything back in order. So, despite my uncommonly insistent libido, I hadn’t tried anything at breakfast.
He was supposed to finish Duo’s punishment earlier, I thought to myself as I neared Zechs’ office, which means that his afternoon should be free. I couldn’t help a small smirk at that thought. What a lecher I was becoming!
Unfortunately, upon reaching Zechs’ office, all my plans of afternoon diversion were thwarted by Sally’s presence. She was perched on the edge of the room’s only bed, and Zechs was conspicuously absent.
“Hello Wufei,” she greeted pleasantly, “Zechs is just checking on Trowa, he’ll be here in a moment. You’re looking much better than the last time I saw you. Much more… zen.”
“You must excuse my behavior last time we met. I was, after all, having a horse.”
“Cow.”
“Excuse me?”
“You were having a cow. That’s the saying.”
“Ah, I see. Well, regardless, the labor is over so I have returned to my natural disposition.”
“At least now you have a better understanding of what women go through. I warrant you’ll treat them with more respect now.”
“Actually, I haven’t made up my mind yet. You’re all either very brave or very stupid for willingly undergoing something like birth.”
Sally laughed, putting her head back and chucking deep in her throat. There was nothing particularly feminine about it, but it was genuine and I felt my esteem of the doctor’s personality increase. I wondered if we would get along were she to come around more often. After all, we already had common ground, with both of us constantly trying to restrain Zechs from stupid and irrational behavior.
Speaking of which, our playful banter was interrupted as said idiot entered the room, glancing at the two of us questioningly.
“What’s so funny?” he wondered, and the open curiosity on his face relieved the lines of worry that had been chiseled into his face lately. I wondered if I would be able to convince Zechs to invite Sally over more often.
“Just comparing genders,” Sally quipped, her laughter fading into an amused smile. “Now, does Wufei know what’s going on or will you need to explain it to him as well?”
“Actually, I was wondering if you could give us a few minutes to discuss this?”
“Of course,” Sally sighed, hopping off the bed and stalking out the door, “Just send the doctor away. Not like she knows anything about it. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me, raiding your refrigerator of anything that looks fattening.”
“Would you tell Duo to stay out of the ice-cream while you’re at it? I heard him bumping around the kitchen when I went to check on Trowa, but I didn’t feel like yelling at him. You can tell him there are grapes in the fridge if he’s hungry, but I don’t want him making himself sick on ice-cream again.”
“I’m on it,” Sally quipped as she headed down the hall.
And then we were alone.
Well, as alone as we could be in a house of six, with four rambunctious teenage boys bumping around, fighting for attention, hormones raging, and trying to find joy in a world that had obviously decided to exclude them from all the happiness that it could. And Zechs, who was trying to ride out the storm as best he could while taming the wild creatures he found in the midst of it. And there was me, of course, the boat trying to hold Zechs afloat, or something like that.
And then Zechs came to stand in front of me, his tall form towering over me. I had forgotten how tall the man truly was, for it was rare that he would just stand over someone. As a master, Zechs could have been truly intimidating with such an imposing form. As it was he seemed like some kind of a lion; terrifying to enemies, but concerned mainly with protecting his pride.
True to form, Zechs only stood over me for a minute, staring down at me with those intense, blue eyes, before sitting down on the bed with a sigh and pulling me in front of him, so that we were face to face.
“It’s been a long day, so I’m going to try to keep this short. You are not yet my slave,” he told me, and my heart suddenly quickened with the accustomed reaction of fear. Even though Zechs did not seem angry nor had he made any violent moves, I was so unaccustomed to hearing him remind any of us of the Master/slave relationship that I immediately felt anxious. “You cannot truly be my slave until we return to Collar and finalize the transaction with the Owner,” he assured me, assailing my anxiety. “However, I still think of you as one of mine, and you will become mine at the coming Collar,” he said, but he didn’t sound possessive, like other masters. If I hadn’t known better, I would have thought I was joining a team or a squadron. “So now I am asking you, because I cannot tell you, to accept the tracer that I am putting in the other boys. Duo’s misadventure has made me realize just how easily one of you could be lost or kidnapped. I want all of you to be safe, so I’m asking you; let me put a tracer on you, for your own protection.”
It wasn’t such a bad request. Actually, after Duo’s attempt to escape, things could have gone much worse. Many masters, upset by the prospect of losing a slave, would choose to have the entire lot of their slaves branded or tattooed. And, while tagging was generally looked down on as weak in Collar, it wasn’t something taboo enough to affect Zechs’ reputation significantly. And the idea was probably pretty sound, based on the location of Zechs’ house and the lack of staff to oversee the slaves, not to mention the freedoms we were allowed. Most masters had a full-time staff of bodyguards and babysitters to watch over the slaves when they weren’t on display. And, of course, while our respect was higher for Zechs than for most masters, none of us had a true physical fear of him, as far as I could tell. All around, I couldn’t say I disagreed with the idea.
However, the tags also showed a lack of trust in our abilities as slaves. It proved that Zechs did not feel that we could take care of ourselves, while Duo was the only one who had shown that to be true. Allowing the tags to be placed would be admitting to a level of weakness that I, personally, did not feel was true. And so, there only seemed to be one option, and Zechs wasn’t going to like it.
“I will allow the tag,” I told him, and Zechs sighed with relief, “if you are tagged as well.”
“…What?”
“I will allow myself to be tagged,” I told him firmly, glaring into his stunned and appalled eyes, “only if you accept the chip as well.”
“Wufei… that’s ridiculous… I can’t just…”
“Actually,” came a feminine voice from the doorway, causing us both to jump, “I think it’s a great idea,” Sally said, leaning causally against the doorframe, a cup of yogurt in her hand.
“How long have you been there?” Zechs snapped, his face flushed and flustered.
“Somewhere around, ‘This is for your own protection.’ But, regardless, Wufei is right. This would be a damn good way to save you from your own stupidity, as we often do. And you’re just as likely to get kidnapped or hurt as any of your slaves. Twice as likely to get hurt, actually, if you keep up these foolhardy stunts,” Sally told him, and I was a little relieved to see her taking up my cause. I had been somewhat worried about facing down Zechs over this matter. Although he could not make decisions regarding permanent alterations to my person yet because he was not technically my master, the Owner had given him full permission to punish me, so he was well within his rights to harm me, whether or not I had done something wrong. Not that I believed he would, otherwise I wouldn’t have agreed to the chip, which he could use against me once he was my master. I trusted Zechs, but the old fears of slavery were hard to overcome, especially in the face of a new fear, like choice.
“Sally, this is ridiculous. I don’t need to be tagged…”
“Oh no? You damn well needed it the other day, when you went off half-cocked to find Duo in the middle of a hurricane without even turning on your radio,” she growled, standing up and moving into the room to face Zechs, both of them looking more pissed off as the argument continued.
“That was different. You know I’d do anything to protect my slaves…”
“But you won’t do something as little as get a tracer to protect yourself? You know what happens to them if you die, Zechs?”
“I am well aware of the risks, but I assure you I am perfectly able to take care of myself…”
“And they’re not? You seem to have a rather big difference in standards between you and your slaves. Maybe you think they really are less intelligent or less skilled than the rest of us,” Sally hissed, her eyes narrowing dangerously. But Zechs was pretty pissed too.
“That’s completely unfair and you know it,” he growled. “I want to be more careful with the boys because they’re young and naïve and they make stupid mistakes.”
“Everyone makes stupid mistakes Zechs, even you. Or are you still trying to deny that your little fiasco with Duo was one of the most brainless things you’ve ever done? Because I hate to tell you this, superman, but you are damn well as human as the rest of us, and just as easy to kill. Now, are you going take this chip like scholar-boy here has wisely suggested, or am I going to shove it up your ass?” she threatened, glaring up into Zechs face. Zechs’ eyes narrowed dangerously.
“You had this planned all along,” he accused.
“Actually, when I came this morning I was pretty sure there was no way I’d be able to convince your stubborn ass to be smart for once, but with Wufei here on my side I think we just might be able to bully you into this,” she said, smiling and backing up to stand next to me, but losing none of the heat of her conviction. I straightened and leveled a glare at Zechs, who was seething stubbornly.
“I will keep my word,” I assured him just as stubbornly. Sally beamed.
“There, you see? You said yourself that you can’t force him, so if you want him safe, you have to stay safe yourself.”
Zechs looked like he wanted to blow his top, and was only holding his temper together by force of will. He glanced at me, his eyes searing holes in my soul but doing nothing to my will. I am ashamed to say, however, that I don’t think I could have held my resolve so staunchly had Sally not been there beside me, a silent assurance that I was doing the right thing. Zechs was such a kind person and a good master, that it felt wrong, traitorous even to go against his will, even knowing that I was right in the matter.
Zechs shifted his eyes from me to Sally, taking a step closer and dropping his voice to a low rumble that I doubt I was supposed to hear. “If things go badly, I don’t want anyone getting killed for me,” he told her, his steely eyes glaring down at her, but Sally was not fazed.
“And if things go well, I don’t want you getting killed for stupidity.”

Zechs 156
Half an hour found both Wufei and myself tagged, Sally bid a somewhat terse farewell, and me sulking in my office and ignoring the throbbing of my shoulder.
And, yes, I knew I was sulking. I was well aware of my own perchance for stubbornness, and I accepted the fact that I placed the safety of my slaves and the safety of myself on different levels of importance. But there was no call for her to team up with Wufei to force me into submitting to the chip. It was an uncalled for breach of faith, and I was still steaming twenty minutes after Sally left.
Of course, all that steaming allowed me to ignore the real reason I didn’t want the chip, which began to make a subtle entrance into my mind as I started to calm. In truth, having a chip myself was a very good idea, and it would help my security team locate me in case of emergency, and it might keep some unknown Preventer’s agent from shooting me when they came to end Collar.
But it would also help them locate me and shuffle me off to a safe location while the rest of them did battle. I was well aware on Preventer’s policy on undercover agents, which was to get them out of the site as soon as possible, both for their own protection and so they wouldn’t be spotted by an escaping perpetrator, thus blowing their cover for any future mission. In the past, I was always concealed by a heavy helmet and full mask in any operations I actively fought in, but my voice and my looks were too well known at Collar for that to be an option. Fighting in the Collar battle would probably compromise my usefulness as a secret agent for the rest of my life, because even a single escape or forgotten video would reveal my persona as Zechs Marquis to be part of a Perventer’s plan. If everything went according to Preventer’s plans, however, there would be no evidence that it was my hand that brought the Owner to justice, and it would simply look like I had managed to escape punishment by Preventers in all the confusion. The dirt of the world would still have faith in me, and I would still be useful to the Preventers.
But I was getting sick of having my whole world, every word I said and every place I went, dictated by my job. Being with the boys and finally having a more or less functional family unit was making me realize just how lonely I had been before, how important family was to me, and how much I had been missing out on. Never had I been this irrational before, but never had I cared this much before either. And, even with all the stress and the fighting, I was happy. Nothing in the past or future could take that away from me; I was happy now with the family I had found.
And yet, I thirsted for blood. I tossed and turned at night, dreaming of being the judge, jury, and execution to those defunct members of humanity that had harmed my family. I wanted to hear them scream, to hear them plead and beg for mercy. I wanted to do all the depraved and vicious things they had done to their slaves to them, to make them scream and writhe in agony while I laughed at them. There was something deep an primordial in me that I could feel awakening, something instinctual that only knew lust and violence and territoriality. My family was my territory, and someone had crossed the boundaries that I sought to protect, challenging me, and I was ready to fight back. It was like a beast had been uncaged inside me, freed to reap destruction across the world until there was nothing left that might pose a threat to those I protected. These instincts were stronger than any I had ever felt before, and I was terrified that my reason would not hold out against them.
Then, shocking even myself, I suddenly realized that I was loath to let Preventers exact punishment to the worst of these offenders. I wanted the Owner to die by my hands, and I resented the chip for making it even remotely possible that I would miss that chance. My instinct of self-preservation was far less than my lust for bloody retribution.
This realization was so astonishing that I was completely dumbfounded for several minutes, and never heard movement outside or the knock on my door until Wufei quietly admitted himself. My annoyance had fled at my self-realizations, and I must admit that I was grateful for this distraction to keep me from contemplating myself any more deeply. I wasn’t sure my heart could take another epiphany of that magnitude.
“Zechs? Can I come in?” Wufei questioned hesitantly at the door, obviously uncertain of his reception.
“Of course,” I replied, then smirked at him. “Ready to apologize?”
“I could ask you the same question,” he responded stiffly, his pride stung as he angrily closed the door. It was in me to get offended, but in light of my recent discovery it was difficult to regain the righteous anger that I had felt before. I was ready to let the whole thing go, but when Wufei turned to me I saw the irritation in his eyes fade into guilt, and he continued before I could respond.
“I didn’t know the suggestion would cause such a fight between you and Miss Sally, and I certainly didn’t intend for her to badger you into accepting the chip. However, I still believe it was a good idea for us to have something locate you with in case of an emergency, and frankly I don’t see what all the fuss is about,” he replied, a mix of guilt and self-righteousness warring in his eyes. I withheld a sigh. There was a perfectly good reason for me to resent the chip, unfortunately there were many reasons that I could not justify my cause to Wufei, one of which was my sense of shame over the senseless violence my heart was seeking, and another of which was that Wufei and the other slaves still had no idea that I was secretly working to save them, nor would they find out until after they were freed.
“I understand your concern for my safety, however, please remember that I also have reasons that you are not privy to,” I responded cryptically, and was surprised when Wufei merely nodded his head and accepted my answer. Still, I had to suppose that, spending so much time with the Owner, Wufei was probably fairly accustomed to having secrets kept from him. The notion made me feel a small stab of guilt, but the idea of revealing myself never entered my mind. It would be far too dangerous for Wufei to have that kind of knowledge, for his safety and mine.
“So then you’re not still angry?” Wufei asked me, but there was something in his tone that mad me suspicious.
“Not really, why?” I wondered, narrowing my eyes as he approached my desk.
“Etiquette requires that I offer compensation for my behavior. I was hoping I might be able to make amends now for earlier transgressions. And… I was hoping you might offer compensation in return,” Wufei said, perching on the side of my desk and giving me that sexy smirk of his.
“What kind of compensation did you have in mind?” I asked, unable to keep the leer out of my voice.
“The kind that requires rigorous physical activity,” he replied, his voice getting husky as he slipped off the desk and onto my lap.
“What’s gotten into you?” I wondered incredulously.
“Nothing for about a week now, and that’s the problem,” he huffed.
“I walked right into that one, didn’t I?” I asked him, grinning as he grinned back at me.
“In a house full of boys you’d think you’d learn to watch you mouth.”
“Ah, but I spend all my time watching yours,” I teased.
“Lecher” he tossed back.
“This from the one who’s currently nibbling on my collar.”
“Mm-hm. I know how you old guys are, and how long it takes for you to get it up. I figured I should start early if I want to get any today.”
“I’ll show you just what an old man can do,” I told him gruffly, feeling my manhood stirring to attention as I grabbed his legs and stood, pinning him against the desk and rubbing our erections together. “How’s that for an old man?” I asked him, but he could only moan in response and arch his back, seductively revealing the expanse of his creamy neck, which I couldn’t resist leaning down to mark with a love-bite. Within minutes we were breathlessly writhing against one another.
“Let’s go upstairs,” I asked breathlessly into his collarbone.
“No,” he moaned back, and for a moment I wondered if I’d made him madder than I thought.
“Wufei, damn it, don’t tease me like this,” I replied, gruff annoyance clear in my voice. “I’m only human. There only so far you can tease me before I lose control.”
“I’m not teasing,” he responded, his voice just as lustful as mine had been. “If we leave the office, the other boys will see you. I don’t want to risk them needing you or distracting you. Besides, we’ve only got time enough for a quickie before dinner anyway.”
“But… you can’t possibly be expecting to have sex here in my office?” I wondered. Wufei laughed in response, pulling out of my arms and turning so his back was to me, but turning his head to look at me, so I was given the tantalizing sight of both his pert bottom and the darkening hickey I had just administered.
“Who know you’d be such a prude?” he teased, leaning his upper body on the desk and placing his rear directly in front of me, at waist height. I wanted to rip those silk pants off him and ban him from ever wearing clothes again. “I’ve been taken in far worse places than an office,” he reminded me, but it wasn’t a bitter or haunted memory, just a reminder of the fact. I was glad his memories hadn’t tainted what we had between us.
“I don’t want you to be uncomfortable…”
“There is no way I could possibly get any more uncomfortable that I am right now,” he growled, wiggling his body as he panted from lust. “So get the hell over here and relieve me, damn you!” he panted. His need must be getting truly painful, I decided as I moved behind him and pressed my manhood into the cleft of his still-covered ass, for him to be getting so upset about this.
And surely enough, as I pressed up against him, Wufei moaned and sobbed and wiggled as best he could, desperate for relief. And I was all too happy to oblige him, pulling that despicable fabric down his thighs inch by tantalizing inch until at last he was exposed to me.
There was lotion in my desk, not to this explicit purpose but usable for at least this one time. I bared myself quickly, slicking down my manhood before moving behind Wufei and pressing two slippery digits deep inside him. I heard the air escape his lung as I pressed in deep, and was almost certain that he was biting his lips to keep from crying out with pleasure. In a minute he was ready, and I pressed into him deep and quick, causing a harsh, cut-off shriek as I struck his prostrate relentlessly.
In a disappointingly short amount of time we both reached our climaxes, with me shooting my seed into Wufei and Wufei shooting his all over my thankfully empty desk. I just barely managed to keep Wufei from sagging down onto the desk with the power of his own release, and thus saving him from falling into a puddle of his own seed. I managed to half carry, half drag a boneless Wufei over to the sofa, and then proceeded to clean the both of us as best I could with the box of tissues sitting on my desk.
“You’re not too bad for an old guy,” Wufei teased appreciatively as I curled up beside him on the couch.
“And you’re not too bad for a young whipper-snapper,” responded, making him chuckle.
“You know we can’t stay here too long, right?” he reminded me, “We have dinner in about half an hour, and then it’s movie night after that.”
“Ah, yes. I had forgotten. Perhaps I should cancel the movie, with everyone being so upset lately.”
“I wouldn’t,” Wufei advised, closing his eyes and resting his face against my neck. “With how upset everyone has been lately, I’d say a movie is a perfect time to let everyone settle and bond a little.”
“Perhaps you’re right,” I told him softly, for I’m fairly certain he had already dozed off.
Not bad at all, for an old man.

Heero 157
When Master and Wufei joined us for dinner, they both had the content lethargy that comes with satisfying sex. Wufei plopped down in the chair at the end of the table, between Duo and Trowa, then, contrary to his normally prudish attitude, actually gave a wink in reply to Trowa’s raised eyebrow. Master, on the other hand, was visibly trying to shake off his tiredness, and I think he meant to hide what he and Wufei had just done from the rest of us. As though he could hide the act of sex from a group of trained sex-slaves. As though he would need to.
Master sat at the other end of the table, between Quatre and myself. With other masters I had been with, and of the few that allowed their slaves to eat with them, the dinner table often felt like a kind of interrogation room, with the Master sitting at the end of the table merely so that he could see all of the faces of slaves he was trying to grill for information. With Master, though, being at the end of the table was merely so that he could make contact with all the slaves while he attempted to keep conversation going. It wasn’t always easy for him, especially since Trowa and I were always so quite, and because Duo didn’t trust Master at first, but Master usually at least managed to get each of us to say a few words about a particular subject, or say something about how are day went. It was strange and uncomfortable at first, to have a Master so interested in such a tedious subject as the personal lives of his slaves, but eventually it created this feeling of… solidarity that I had never felt before. It wasn’t like we were replaceable pieces anymore. It was like we were all parts of one, interconnected whole.
Dinner was a calm affair, as usual, with soft conversation about everything from lessons to weather to events of the day. Duo would often talk about his recent exploits on the game system, and Trowa and Wufei would discuss books and literature. Quatre liked to hear stories about the exploits of the rapidly growing kittens in the barn, and I indulged him as much as I could. About the only thing we didn’t talk about was the news. Although Master Zechs had never forbade us from seeing the news, other masters generally did not allow it, and since it had very little affect on us slaves anyway we usually weren’t interested in it. I had a suspicion that Wufei tried to keep up somewhat with the more universal events, but that was probably the extent of his interest.
Once dinner was over, we all began to gently meander into the den. I don’t think any of us did it consciously, but we, as slaves, relied on the constant structure that Master had given us. The repetition seemed to give us a sense of safety and constancy that our previous lives, with the continuous threat of upheaval and change hanging over our heads.
But, as much as I depended on the constancy of the house, I also dreaded movie night, not for myself, but for Duo. It was an uncomfortable position for me, because I understood that Master could not allow Duo to continue to be afraid of touching others, I also hated to see Duo so terrified and helpless. I also disliked seeing him as sullen and unhappy as he looked as everyone began to get ready for the movie. I reached out to him tentatively, uncertain of his reaction, but he wasn’t angry as I thought he would be, and he tried to smile as he placed a hand on my arm. I wished I could take all the pain away from him.
But it wasn’t my choice, and when Wufei appeared with the box of drugs I backed up and began to leave the scene, unable to witness the pain this was going to cause Duo. A tub on my arm stopped me, though, and I turned to see that Duo was holding onto my sleeve, looking sheepish and needy at the same time. I sighed quietly, realizing that I would not be able to deny him my support when he was asking for it. Without saying anything, I took my place beside Duo, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. The grateful look on his face was well worth the queasiness I was feeling about witnessing this process for the first time.
Wufei called for Zechs, but when Master arrived he looked stunned, glancing at the box in puzzlement.
“Wufei, what’s going on?” he wondered, and now it was Wufei’s turn to look confused.
“I thought we were going to have movie night?” he replied, and Zechs finally seemed to understand, but only looked more upset because of it.
“Well, we are… but I hadn’t thought we’d put Duo through this tonight. We’ve all had enough stress lately, so, Duo, if you’d like to skip this movie, that’s fine with me. You and Heero could go play some games on the computer, if you’d like,” Master said, and I felt grateful for his sensitivity and compassion. I thought Duo would instantly agree to the idea, but instead he frowned and said no.
“Are you sure?” Master asked, a frown on his face as well. Duo nodded, and Master reached for the case.
“Wait,” Duo said, and Master paused. “I want… I want to try the movie night without the drugs. I think… I think I can do it.”
“Alright,” Master agreed instantly, a warm smile coming to his face. “I told you before that if you ever felt you could do this without the drugs we could try, and I meant it. So why don’t you and Heero go get the popcorn, and we’ll get the movie started.”
For a moment, Duo just stood there, stunned. Despite all the time he’d spent here, I don’t think Duo had truly come to trust Master yet. It seemed that this, though, might have finally managed to convince him that Zechs was worth trusting, not just tolerating.
I took Duo by the arm and led him into the kitchen, where we popped two bags of popcorn, dumped the bags into a large bowl, and took our accustomed positions on the couch.
Duo was nervous about the evening, but it wasn’t the panic stricken nervousness that usually accompanied Duo’s mental breakdowns. I saw his hands shaking ever so slightly as we sat down, but it slowed and stopped as I took his hand in my own, lending him the mental support that I wished I could have given him before and slightly easing my sense of guilt over my constant desertion of him. Duo smiled at me gratefully, squeezing my hand to silently tell me he was alright. I nodded in response, then turned to watch the others. Trowa and Quatre were already at the other end of the couch, a tray of festive cups and a pitcher of bright pink liquid on the table in front of them. Quatre had become fairly skilled at making sweet punches with a mixture of berries and juices. As slaves prized foremost for our looks and secondly for our athletic skills, we were all fairly concerned with our diets, and the dishes Quatre made were almost always healthy to fit into the strictest diets, save his extremely fattening desserts. Tonight’s beverage seemed to be a strawberry and coconut mix, with a hint of raspberry and a few sprigs of mint.
Wufei came in next, followed by Master. On most nights, the lineup on the couch would start with Trowa on the far end, then Quatre, Wufei, Master, Duo, and me. I think it was more because Master was trying to desensitize Duo’s fear of him that Master sat beside Duo, not because of some twisted need to make Duo uncomfortable. On this particular occasion, however, Master proved my theory on the matter by switching places with Wufei when Duo shied away from him. It seemed that Master was willing to let Duo choose who he wanted to sit by, as long as the choice was conscious and not the result of some deep rooted phobia.
The movie, which was some kind of gore/thriller story about a town under siege from mutant squirrels, had us all laughing within minutes. Master generally rotated who got to choose the night’s flick, so we all viewed a large variety of movies, with Duo usually picking movies for their gore, Wufei for their attention to detail and plot, Trowa liked mysteries, and Quatre was fond of musicals, while I enjoyed action flicks. Duo, who had picked the movie after complaining about Quatre’s “chick flick” choice, now had to endure Quatre’s ribbing about his taste in movies. Of course, we all endured some measure of good natured teasing about our likes in movies; even Master, who sometimes surprised us with movies that he had watched when was younger, and pleasantly enduring mild ribbing about his age.
While none of us gave any credit to Duo for his taste in movies, I had to admit that his pick was perfect for the atmosphere of the evening. Instead of feeding off the anxiety already in Duo, the movie allowed him to completely relax and focus on just how bad it was, doing a running commentary between him and Quatre. By the time the first half of the movie was over, Duo and Quatre were on the floor in front of the couch, playing a drinking game with the non-alcoholic beverages where they each took a drink every time someone had their face gored, and two shots if the person lost an eyeball. The result was a rather quickly depleting store of drinks.
As I watched Quatre and Duo play on the floor, now tossing popcorn at the screen as a teenage girl was chased through a parking garage by the squirrels until she eventually tried to escape into an elevator, trapping herself inside with the rodents, I couldn’t help but glance in amazement at the man who had made all this possible. Who would have ever thought that someone could, not even tame Shinigami, but make him obey of his own free will? Who would have thought that anyone could calm Dragon enough that he would merely roll his eyes as said girl was disemboweled before the elevator reached the top floor, releasing the squirrels onto a crowd of holiday shoppers? And who would imagine that anyone could heal Trowa enough that he would laugh openly and comment that the squirrels must have good taste in women, since they only dove down the shirt of the blonde with the DD breasts? Or that Quatre would be confident enough to wonder what that signified about the squirrel going up the pant-leg of a dark-haired man? And even more amazing was Master, not only allowing such behavior, but laughing right along with us.
As I stopped to watch master, I noticed that he had also taken his eyes away from the movie, and was now watching Duo with a calculating look. A moment later, he leaned forward and placed his hand on Duo’s back. I held my breath, awaiting Duo’s reaction. The first thing Duo did was tense and shrug the hand off, seeming to barely even register the invasion of his space as he continued to consult with Quatre over the exact amount of squirrel bites it would take to kill someone. When Master again placed his hand on Duo’s shoulder, Duo this time tensed, turned around, and glared. Master, however, leveled an even look back at Duo. They stared at each other for a moment, Duo expressing his displeasure at being touched and Master steadfastly refusing to move, before Duo huffed and turned back to the movie. Master let his hand remain where it was for a few more minutes, then withdrew it with a relieved and satisfied smile.
It was a turning point for Duo, and as happy as I was about it, I had to admit that I felt a keen sense of disappointment that sometime soon Duo would no longer need me. In the past, I had acted as a buffer and a shield between him and Master, but with my constant efforts to bridge the gap between Duo and Master, and with Duo’s own efforts to improve himself, it wouldn’t be long before the two were able to work together without my help. And then what? All I had left to offer Duo was my body, and I could not offer that without risking the loss of Master. Even if Duo had promised to wait, how long would it be before he began to search for someone more suited to him that I?
It was twisted, I decided, that I should work so hard to bring about something that I dreaded. And yet, for all my own insecurities, I only wanted the best for Duo, and the best thing for him would be to regain his independence and his stability of mind.
Later that night, lying awake in the single bed Duo and I shared, I gave in to temptation and pulled duo’s slumbering form into my arms. What would it be like, I wondered, to have his supple body between me legs? Or, conversely, to feel his hot length slide into me? Which would he want? I felt my body stir to life at the thoughts and, since Duo was too far asleep to know, I let it. What would a night of passion with Duo be like? Would it be fast and hard, as so many other things he did were? Or would he capture some of the slow tenderness that Master had shown me? Would he want control, or would he want me to take it? What would it be like, to raise his legs onto my shoulders and press into his liquid fire? What would it be like to stare up at him as he raised my legs and pressed his heat into my core? The thought of it made me hard, and I rocked gently against Duo until he stirred, giving a little moan, and I stopped in fright. I was deathly still as Duo turned his head toward me, and for a moment I thought that he would open his eyes and awake, but he settled again after a moment and went back to sleep.
With a relieved sigh, I turned away from him and condemned myself to wishing away my own lust. Better to burn with the pangs of unfulfilled lust than have Duo awake and ask to couple with me. In the face of such a need as this, I was not certain I would be able to resist him. I could not betray Master over something as selfish as lust, not even with Duo.
And yet, I couldn’t help but wonder if it was only the thought of Master Zechs that kept me from fulfilling Duo’s desire. After all, I had never asked permission of Master to couple with Duo, so there was no certainty that he would say no. But… perhaps my hesitancy was deeper than loyalty to Master. I could not deny that, even after all this time, I was still somewhat worried that I was only a convenient lay for Duo. He mattered so much to me, like some kind of obsession I watched over him, but what did I mean to him? Were I to sleep with him, would his interest in me end? Was there anything more than that between us? Could there be? And could there be… with Zechs? For certainly I felt a deep connection with my beloved Master, and though I was only his slave I still felt that Master was not keeping me only for my body or my skill, and I was terrified to lose that affection he had for me. But could I gain Duo’s affection without losing Master’s? Could I be with either of them without the other hating me? Or would they force me to choose, tearing my soul in two to pick which part of my heart I wanted more? Could I ever choose between them?
Did I even have a choice?

158 Quatre
I wanted to pin him down and lick a trail from his naval all the way up his chest, across the side of his neck, around his ear, and down to those soft, motionless lips of his.
What in the world was I thinking?
And yet, ever since Master had taken me on that weekend getaway, I had suddenly been freed of all my inhibitions, especially my sexual ones. It was frightening how strongly my body felt these urges now that my mind had decided they were safe. And, to make matters worse, it wasn’t just Master that I found sexually attractive, but pretty much anything with a penis! When Heero practiced swimming in the mornings, I found myself staring out the window to get a peak at that strong, glistening body. When Wufei practiced martial arts on the patio in the afternoon, I cursed the sun for making the sweat glisten enticingly on his body so that I could hardly bare to look away. When Duo would dance alluringly to the radio in the afternoons, singing into a spatula or some other pretend microphone, I had to stifle the urge to get up and dance with him just for the chance to grind my hips against his overwhelmingly alluring ones. And Trowa… Heaven forgive me, but I wasn’t sure I could resist him much longer.
Especially when he refused to put his goddamned shirt back on after his shower, or at least dry off enough that his chest wasn’t glistening so enticingly. Oblivious to my above-describe dilemma, Trowa continued sleep, his arms parallel to his body, the tips of his fingers resting gently on his (thankfully covered) hips, his legs splayed open with the innocent abandon that a hard workout could cause. Just looking at his toned body made me drool with desire, and as though on cue the jerk sighed and licked his lips, giving me a teasing glance at his pink tongue. Asshole.
And yet, as soon as the thought crossed my mind, I felt sorry for it. It wasn’t Trowa’s fault, I thought to myself as I tore my eyes away and hurried out of the room, suddenly embarrassed and ashamed. After all, I was the crazy one, not him. First terrified of sex, and now addicted to it? And after only a handful of encounters with Master? It was pathetic. No, it was worse than pathetic. Had I no control over my own body?
And yet, if I were totally honest with myself, I had to admit that I didn’t feel totally responsible for this situation, but the only other person to blame was Master, and I felt guilty about that too. After all, he had only been trying to help me by taking away my fear of sex, and how could he have known what a nymphomaniac I’d become? And yet, how could he show me something as amazing as sex, and then expect things to go back to the way they had been before?
No, not sex, but making love, for that was the difference between what the other masters had done and what Master had given me. And I was hopelessly, helplessly addicted to making love. And… with that said, I had to admit that I was starting to love all the others. Why else would I be so captivated by the idea of making love with them, unless I thought that I could love them? Or even that I did love them? Would it be different than the love I shared with Master? Would it be more creative with Duo? Or more meticulous with Wufei? Or more constant with Heero? Or Trowa… I couldn’t even think about what it would be like with Trowa. Out of all the others, he fascinated me the most, and I feared that I would not be able to control my affection for him much longer.
It didn’t help my predicament that Master hadn’t initiated a single sexual act with me since we returned from our vacation. Coming back to the house in chaos obviously made Master very busy for the days after our return, but it was almost the end of the week now. I had tried to satisfy these cravings by pleasuring myself, but that only gave my body physical gratification while the emotional bond was completely missing. And, besides that, I was embarrassingly inadequate even at pleasuring myself. I had struggled so violently against any sexual acts in the past that I had never learned the art of finding pleasure in sex, and now it seemed that no one would take the time to teach me.
But that wasn’t entirely true either. I was fairly certain that at least Trowa would be willing to teach me about pleasure, but without Master’s consent his hands were tied. And it made me feel guilty and angry at the same time that Master had not given any of us permission to couple with one another. If he wasn’t using us, why couldn’t we at last practice with one another? But without Master I would never have even thought about wanting to couple with another slave, so I felt guilty for feeling angry and angry for feeling guilty and really, really frustrated.
“Penny for your thoughts, Quatre?”
“Uhh…” I mumbled stupidly, blinking and glancing around before I realized that I had made it all the way downstairs and into the kitchen without realizing. Master was staring at me expectantly, and I had to run his comment through my mind again twice before I managed to come up with a suitable answer. “Just thinking about my lessons,” I lied hastily.
“Ah. Well, don’t stress too much about it. Do you know where Trowa is?”
“He’s upstairs… sleeping,” I replied, realizing how silly it was of me to walk downstairs for lunch and leave him sleeping.
“Could you go and wake him for lunch?” Master asked, as I had expected he would. Feeling rather silly, I simply nodded and headed back to our bedroom.
I couldn’t keep this up. I’d become so distracted by my body lately that I’d become a complete flake. I was constantly getting distracted or becoming forgetful, and my lessons had suffered because of it. Lately I kept having to do the same project two or three times to get it right because I wasn’t focusing and I’d miss steps. I even had to look up some recipes I’d mastered weeks ago because my concentration was so messed up. It was like I was getting worse instead of better.
Trowa was already awake when I reached the bedroom, but he had yet to even sit up. Standing in the doorway, I took a moment to notice the changes that had occurred in him since he had arrived. The rail-thin, barely surviving body that he had arrived with had been replaced with the well-toned body of a gymnast. The cord-like muscles in his arms and legs had expended and toned, filling in while still remaining thin and flexible. His face, which had been gaunt and haunted, was now full and relaxed. The mask of indifference that he had worn was still present, but more often put aside to smile or frown with the emotions that he now felt. More than his body, his newly healed mind amazed me, and I couldn’t help wanting to get closer to him, both in body and mind.
“Masters says it’s time for lunch,” I said softly, breaking the revere we both were in. Trowa’s turned toward me and I could see something dark flash through them, but it was quickly covered. It had been like this a lot with Trowa lately, ever since I came back from my weekend with Master. There was something about it that bothered him, but I couldn’t figure out what it was.
Trowa rose smoothly from the bed, shedding the blanket as he went. His long arms reached out and snagged a shirt from the dresser and he let it fall gently over his head, covering first the skin of his shoulders, then his torso, and finally the few visible inches of skin on his hips, just above where his jeans covered the rest of his pale, creamy body. It was like a reverse strip-tease, and I felt a wave of heat come over me, and was sickened by my own lust, but helpless to stop it. By the time I managed to gain control of myself, Trowa was standing in front of my, looking down with concern.
“Are you alright?” he asked, his soft baritone voice threatening to undo my control once again.
“Mm-hmm,” I muttered quickly, trying desperately to keep from panting and wishing that he would back up a bit, at least so that I couldn’t feel the heat of his skin.
“Your face is all flushed,” Trowa said, frowning in concern as he placed a hand gently on my forehead. I made a tiny gasp at the electric feel of his skin on mine.
“Trowa,” I whispered pleadingly.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, leaning down so that he could look into my eyes. There was confusion on his face, and a hint of panic in his eyes, so I tried to compose myself, pulling away from him and shaking my head to clear it.
“We should go. Master’s waiting,” I said, and received a derisive snort in response. Now I was confused.
“Trowa? What’s wrong,” I wondered as he turned away from me.
“Nothing,” he replied, his voice neutral and calm, although I could feel that something was still wrong. “Let’s go,” he said, and started toward the door.
“Wait,” I called, and grabbed his arm to keep him from going, although if he really wanted to leave there was very little I would be able to do to stop him. “I want to know what’s wrong. You keep acting like this and you won’t tell me why. It’s been all hot and cold with you lately, Trowa, and I think I deserve and explanation,” I demanded, pulling him around to look at me. At first he wouldn’t meet my eyes, but the mood had changed and I knew that if I waited long enough he would at least say something.
“It’s nothing,” he said, still not looking at me. “I apologize for my behavior, it won’t happen again.”
“I don’t care about your behavior. I want to know what’s wrong,” I told him, leaning close so that I could stare up into his deep green eyes. He met my gaze only for a moment before looking away, but there were so many emotions fighting inside him that a moment was all I could take.
“It’s nothing. It’s not your fault,” he said, fleeing from me once again. “It’s just…”
“Just what? I want to know.”
“It’s like there’s something between us now, some kind of barrier that wasn’t there before. You keep pulling away every time I get close and…. I just don’t understand,” he said softly, pausing to turn back to me. “I know you like Master better than me. You should. Master is better than me, and he has more to offer you, and you’re smart for trying to get close to him. But why does being close to him mean you have to be further from me? I thought you liked me at least a little before you left, and we were getting pretty close, but now… Now it seems like you don’t like me at all.”
“That’s not true!” I protested, grabbing his hand and pulling him to face me. “It isn’t like that at all! The truth is… the truth is that I probably like you too much. Please understand, I don’t want us to get into trouble.”
“So I’m not worth the risk.”
“Yes! I mean no! I mean… Of course you’re worth the risk. But… Trowa… don’t you see how badly this could turn out for both of us? Am I worth that risk, Trowa? The risk of being sold to another master? Or back to Marcel? Or the Duke? Because I don’t think a moment of pleasure is worth a lifetime of pain, no matter how tempting it is.”
His eyes were sad now, half closed with acceptance, and he lowered his head until his bangs covered them.
“I’m sorry,” Trowa whispered, “I just get so jealous when you have eyes only for him.”
“I have eyes only for him because I dare not turn them on you,” I whispered back, placing my hand on his cheek. He raised his eyes to mine and I could feel the magnetic pull drawing us together. His body gravitated toward mine, and my face rose to his. It was wrong. I knew it was wrong, and I was terrified of the consequences. I should have pulled back, but I needed Trowa to understand just how much he meant to me. And… I wanted to know that I meant something to him too. I wanted to feel the kind of affection I’d had with Master, but – heaven forgive me – I wanted Trowa instead.
Our lips met, and I felt a shocking tingle, like electricity, that surged through me. With a moan, I gave in and threw my arms around his neck, trying to get as close as I could. Trowa wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close and giving me a safe feeling even as a part of me worried about consequences. Still, despite the fear of exposure, the kiss was soft and unhurried. I felt Trowa’s tongue dart out to taste my lips, and I quickly met his query with one of my own. It was delicious and playful, with soft wet gasps between hot, heavy kissing. But only kissing.
Yet, even in the middle of it, I couldn’t help but worry. It was a simple kiss now, but how long would it take before we moved from kissing to something deeper? And how long could we keep this a secret from Master? And, the worst question of all, what would happen when he found out?
I got my answer far sooner than I had expected, as we were so engrossed in passion that both Trowa and myself missed hearing the sound of the door opening.
“Quatre? Is something wrong? You didn’t come down and I got wor-…” Master paused. Must have all had the same looks of shock on our faces, with Trowa and I so startled that we had not even untangled from each other, frozen in the very pose that had exposed our guilt. And Master, for his part, was so upset at our betrayal that he could only stare at us with shock.
Master recovered first, his face turning a deep, angry scarlet as he quickly looked away. It was the cue for Trowa and I to jerk away from each other, and we were already separated as Master began to back away.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Master muttered, quickly backing up and closing the door. I tried to call after him, but my throat simply wouldn’t work, and in the next moment I could hear his footsteps already going down the stairs. I turned to Trowa, and we stared at each other in shock and horror.
“What should we do?” I a frightened voice gasp, and a moment later realized the voice was mine. Trowa, who had fallen onto the bed on the other side of the room, merely shook his head. “What should we do? What should we do? He… I… We can’t…” I muttered incoherently. Everything was happening so fast, everything was going so wrong, and suddenly I couldn’t breathe. The room was spinning and everything was moving so fast. What was happening?
Strong arms enveloped me, and Trowa’s voice began to soothe me as his heartbeat sounded in my ear.
“Just breathe. Everything will be fine. We’ll make it fine,” he told me softly, rocking me even as I felt his body quivering just as hard as mine. “I won’t lose you,” he told me, and there was such a conviction in his voice that I couldn’t help but believe him. I pushed myself up out of Trowa’s lap, only then realizing that I had fallen to the ground in panic. I was breathing normally again, but perhaps still looking a little frantic as I faced Trowa determinedly.
“If we want Master to keep up, then we have to show him that we’ll do anything for him, no matter what. We have to… to do something drastic. He needs to know we’re loyal to him.”
“But… Quatre, maybe we should talk to Master first…”
“Did you see how mad he was?” I asked him, frustrated that he couldn’t see how serious this was. “He was red in the face with rage and completely disgusted with us. He could barely even manage to make a comment before running out of here! He thinks we completely betrayed him by choosing each other over his instructions! We’ve got to prove that we’re good slaves, and that he’s the only thing that matters!”
“So then… we’re back to where we started?” Trowa wondered morbidly, and the sadness in his voice made me pause. If we went through with this and proved to Master that he meant everything to us, then we were also proving that we meant nothing to each other, and we would once again be unable to show any kind of affection to one another.
“It’s better than losing you completely,” I protested in a whisper. “Please, Trowa, I can’t lose you. Please,” I begged, finally releasing the tears that had been threatening to fall. “Please…”
He pulled me to him, letting me hide my face in his shirt as I cried and mourned the short love we had shared. We held each other for as long as we dared, and finally I heard Trowa murmur, “I’ll do it.”
But what could we do?

159 Zechs
I was a little ashamed of how I reacted to finding Trowa and Quatre kissing. It was, after all, what I had hoped they would do all along, and a natural part of normal teenage interactions… well, excusing the fact that they were both boys, but that wasn’t abnormal, just less common. Regardless, I was actually quite pleased that they had managed to take this step on their own and were making progress in creating a solid relationship. They certainly weren’t rushing things, and I was also happy that they felt comfortable enough with sex to be able to initiate it with each other without fear. All around, it was a good step.
So why in the world had I reacted like some old biddy, blushing and running from the room like I’d never seen a pair of boys make out? And yet I couldn’t deny that I had been completely embarrassed and strangely unnerved at finding them in such a compromising position. I had blushed from the roots of my hair all the way down to my neck, and unable to utter anything more than a hast apology before darting out of the room. Lord knows what the boys must have thought of my peculiar reaction. They’d probably never seen a master embarrassed in front of his own slaves.
That thought gave me pause. More than what the boys thought, what would the other masters think if I showed up to Collar and was completely unused to seeing my slaves interact with one another sexually. Even more than my slaves’ awkwardness around each other, my embarrassment would reflect badly on my ability to be a master. It seemed more important than ever that I instruct the boys to… become more familiar with one another while I was gone, and it seemed that I also need to become familiar with working with more than one of them at a time.
Of course, first I would need to become more familiar with having sex with each of them individually. I had only had any kind of creative sex with Heero and Trowa, and I had only been with Wufei and Quatre a handful of times, and I had never laid a hand on Duo. I was somewhat concerned with the progress I was making with my slaves in this area. On the one hand, I had made significant progress with Quatre, although the other masters probably wouldn’t see it. And I could excuse Duo’s behavior because he was a champion and also notoriously unstable and likewise with Wufei, but that left me with only two slaves to perform at the Collar parties. On top of that, both Trowa and Heero were notoriously shy, Heero because of a body-image problem and Trowa out of fear of inadequacy. It would be hard to show off my skills as a master without pushing these two past their limits.
Honestly, though, practice seemed to be the largest problem I was having. The boys tended to use sex as a mechanism to gain physical reassurance, so they only sought sex when they were uncertain of their place or my feelings. As such, they tended to be pretty much disinterested in sex otherwise, and it was hard for me to pursue them in the face of such apathy. I mean, they were certainly willing and interested enough once I initiated an encounter, but they seemed completely unable to take any initiative on their own. Wufei had hunted me up on his own once, but it was the first time any of the boys initiated sex with me just because they wanted to, and the action had yet to be repeated. Lately, with all the chaos and stress of the house, I just hadn’t been feeling up to pursuing the boys when they seemed just as happy without sex.
And yet, I had to admit, the problem wasn’t totally with everyone else. I had been getting way too stressed lately. The assignment was just so important that I was losing sleep, second guessing my decisions, and worrying over every little detail. Did I do the right thing with Duo? And Trowa? And Quatre? What would the effect be on their performances? How would it affect my standings? There were just so many variables to consider, so many pros and cons to consider, that it was beginning to take its toll on me. I was ashamed to admit it, but I had begin taking pills to improve my stamina and concentration, to calm my nerves and keep me focused. I was in way over my head… but it was far too late to go back now.
Lunch was an awkward affair, and I tried to distract myself from my feelings of uneasiness by engaging Wufei in a lively debate. So lively, in fact, that I forgot about wanting to explain my earlier actions to Quatre and Trowa, and it was well into their afternoon lessons before I remembered. I decided to try to catch them both right before dinner. Quatre was usually finished with cooking a little early and Trowa did his chores at that time, so I would be able to explain myself to both of them without being interrupted by the others, who were all in various lessons until dinner.
But when I entered the kitchen, Trowa and Quatre were nowhere to be found. Dinner was ready and waiting on the stove, and the dishes were all finished and put away, but the boys were already gone. I made a quick search of the downstairs, but finding no hint of the two I decided to return to my office, lest I stumble upon them trying to find a private moment again.
It was then that I noticed the note taped to my office door, and began to feel uneasy as I took it down and began to read.
We would like to apologize for our earlier behavior. Our wills bend only to yours. We will wait for your commands in the basement. We would like a chance to prove our loyalty.
Humbly yours,
Q & T
“Fuck it all, Quatre, I thought we were past this,” I cursed to myself, crumpling the note and hurry toward the basement stairs. “And dragging Trowa in as well? What could have him so upset?” I wondered allowed, but there wasn’t time to contemplate the answer. If it was anything like last time, Quatre had probably set himself up to be punished, or maybe he had even convinced Trowa to start it for me. The thought gave me a shudder, but I wouldn’t put it past Quatre and I wasn’t sure Trowa’s reason would hold out against Quatre’s debate skills, especially since the acrobat was smitten with the aggravating little blond. I dashed down the stairs, hoping to see the boys in the front part of the basement, but unsurprised to find that they had picked the old storage room for the site of their insanity instead of the front part that we used for laundry.
In the past, the storage room had been used to house anything from equipment to decorations to antiques, but when the house was converted into a summer cottage all the items were cleared out, leaving a space about the size of the den and living room combined. It was unfinished, with cement floors, concrete walls, beams and pipes exposed, and the barest of lighting. It wasn’t really a place that a person would willingly stay for any amount of time, but the light under the door, along with the sounds of panting, murmured words and panicked sobs, assured me that two of my boys were in there. I threw open the door.
Inside, it looked more like a holding cell for war prisoners than a basement. Both boys were naked, bound, and frightened. Quatre was standing on tiptoe, his hands tied around a pipe above his head while he scrambled and kicked, trying to get away from whip that was lying harmlessly on a table beside him. On the other side of the table, Trowa had managed to shackle himself to a beam that was supporting the floor above us, although I couldn’t even guess where he managed to find a pair of handcuffs. Trowa was leaning over the table, trying to comfort the obviously panicked Quatre even while his own eyes kept darting fearfully down toward the needles that were also lying on the table.
“…I can’t! I can’t! I can’t! I thought I could but I can’t!” Quatre yelled incoherently, jerking on the ropes that bound him. “Please, you have to let me down! Please!”
“You have to calm down, Quatre. I can’t get you free. I can’t reach the keys. You know that. This was your plan. We have to wait for Master now. Just breathe,” Trowa soothed, even though his voice was strained with his own fear.
And suddenly, with Trowa’s calm faith in my abilities, we were no longer alone in the basement, but in a cell at Collar surrounded by armed guards, and I was helpless to watch as they tortured and killed Trowa and Quatre. I didn’t even know where Duo, Heero, and Wufei were or what unspeakable acts were happening to them, but one of the armed monsters was whipping Quatre, and the other stabbing pins into Trowa’s skin and laughing as he screamed. And it was all my fault. I had gotten them into this, naively promising to protect them, when all that was certain was danger. I fell to the floor, completely frozen and unable to make the slightest move to help the boys that had come to mean so much to me. They would all die, and it was my fault.
“I can’t! I can’t go through with it! Let me down!” Quatre yelled, fighting the restraints with all his might, and his panic managed to shock me out of my nightmare and back into reality. The guards disappeared and I was left with two frightened boys who needed my help. I sprinted across the room, my blood still pounding in my ears, and began trying to untie him, but Quatre was too panicked to notice me and continued to struggle, even as I fought to free him and Trowa tried to calm him. I almost had him untied when Quatre’s struggles finally peaked, and I could only watch in horror as Quatre’s foot kicked over the table between them, sending a burst of needles flying toward Trowa. At the feel of metal on his skin, Trowa lost all conscious thought to panic, and a moment later was hurling himself away from us. With his feet firmly on the floor, Trowa had far more leverage than Quatre and began yanking on the cuffs with all his might. I finally managed to get Quatre loose and let him sink to the floor as I turned to Trowa. There was already blood pouring down his wrists when I reached him, and it took me a moment to realize that I would be helpless to release Trowa without the key. I grabbed Trowa around the middle to keep him from hurting himself more and yelled for Quatre to get the key. For a moment I thought Quatre might be too frightened to hear me, but then to my great relief I saw him move and pick up the key from the floor.
“I’ll hold him while you undo the locks,” I told him evenly as I struggled to hold Trowa’s thrashing form. The task was made even more difficult when we found that Trowa’s wrists were slick from the blood covering them, but he finally managed just as I lost my hold on Trowa who, now free, bolted for the stairs.
I bolted immediately after Trowa, afraid that he might be frightened enough to hurt himself, and I heard Quatre following at my heels. There was a strange sense of dei ja vou as I herded Trowa toward the stairs, finally corralling him in my bedroom. Quatre came darting in a moment later, and I closed the door to ensure that we wouldn’t have another chase on our hands.
For a minute, we all just tried to catch our breath, with Trowa on his knees leaning against the bed, Quatre kneeling next to him looking both terrified and worried, and me leaning against the door and trying to purge my brain every image I had seen in the past few minutes.
I was right on the verge of a breakdown. It was so tempting to run and get Wufei, because I just wasn’t sure I could deal with this. But Trowa was wounded and bleeding rather badly, and Quatre was shaking and probably on the verge of shock, so my sense of responsibility won out in the end. Realizing that neither Quatre or Trowa were in any shape to run from me, I made a quick trip to the bathroom and grabbed the first aide kit.
Other than the shaking, it wasn’t hard to clean up Trowa’s wrists. They actually weren’t as badly cut as they seemed, and he had only managed to bruise them with his efforts to get free. I wrapped them tightly even though he probably didn’t need it, then turned my attention to calming the two boys down. I grabbed a couple of spare blankets from the closet to counter the shock, wrapped the boys up, and sat them down on the bed.
And then I finally gave in to temptation and just lay down between them. I pulled them into my arms and just held them as their shivers gradually decreased and my heart-rate decreased. I knew I should be mad, or, at the very least, trying to figure out what had prompted the boys to act so rashly, but in the end they were still just a pair of teenagers who had managed to frighten themselves silly over probably nothing. And they had managed to frighten me pretty well, too. Really, I think I was just too happy to have them safe to get mad. Maybe later I’d be able to, but not right now.
I must have dosed off, because the next thing I knew there was a gentle knocking on the door, and it opened softly to reveal Wufei, who cautiously peaked in. He seemed surprised at what he saw, and I couldn’t blame him as I untangled myself from the naked forms of Trowa and Quatre, just noticing the tear-stains still on their faces. Careful not to wake them, I left the room, shutting the door behind me.
“What…?” Wufei wondered, stunned. “What’s going on, Zechs? It’s a quarter after six and dinner hasn’t been served. When the three of you didn’t show up I assumed you must have needed Quatre and Trowa for something, but… what in the world were you doing?”
“It isn’t my doing,” I defended, a little more gruffly than intended, feeling a little stung from Wufei’s off-handed insult. “Quatre must have been upset about something, and he convinced Trowa go along with him this time. They intended for me to… punish them for some infraction that I know nothing about. I never thought Quatre would try something like this again, or get Trowa to go along with it.”
“Again?” Wufei wondered, and I almost flinched at my slip. I really didn’t want to explain all this right now. I had such a terrible headache.
“We had a… misunderstanding once before that turned out like this, but I thought I’d made it clear to him that I would punish when and how I felt necessary.”
“It must be something big, then, if he’s upset enough to do something so drastic against your orders. Have you said anything lately that might have upset him? Or done anything?”
“Quatre’s had a bit of a backslide in his lessons lately, but it’s nothing to worry about. I certainly didn’t say anything about it, and I don’t know why Trowa would get involved for that. And Trowa’s been doing fine in his lessons.”
“Something that involves the both of them, then?”
“I don’t think so. I mean… I did catch Trowa and Quatre kissing the other night, but I didn’t say anything about it.”
“Oh,” Wufei replied gravely, his eyes lowering to the floor. “They must have realized you found out, and are trying to prove their loyalty,” he said, and I had to wonder at how he had made the connection between an innocent kiss and being disloyal to me. I certainly wasn’t seeing it. “Will you sell them, then?”
“What? Why the hell would I do that? And why does everyone always jump to that conclusion? No, I’m not going to sell Quatre or Trowa, understand? It was just a stupid kiss.”
“Are you serious?” Wufei asked me sternly as he stopped analyzing the floor to peer into my eyes, trying to figure out if I were lying, I suppose. “Did you know that kissing another slave without the master’s permission is punishable by death in Collar? That slaves who disobey this rule are generally drawn and quartered? That others have been hung, starved, or whipped to death? You should be flattered that Quatre and Trowa were only afraid that you would sell them, especially since you never gave any sign that you would allow them to have sex, let alone to kiss or show signs of affection. It is the worst possible crime for a slave to fall in love, and you have to see that Quatre and Trowa are doing just that. Love… makes slaves do stupid things. The most dangerous thing for a master is to have a slave in love enough to rise up against him. I’m not saying that Quatre or Trowa would ever do that, but… love is a dangerous thing.”
It made perfect sense, of course. It was hard for me to imagine how I hadn’t figured it out before. Then again, everything about Collar made cruel, terrifying sense. To be denied even the right to fall in love… to be unable to touch another human being without the permission of a master… it was life less than dogs. No wonder it was so hard for Quatre to trust me. No wonder Duo had so many problems with me. How they had ever managed to someone who they thought was a part of this hideous system was beyond me, but they had and now I would both have to live up to the expectations of a master and try to keep the boys living as normal a life as possible. I would not punish any of the boys for falling in love. How could I deny them the ability to strengthen relationships that they had never been able to have before? How could I deny them what little comfort they could find in a world that was turning out to be far crueler than I could have imagined? And yet… what was I to do?
“Let’s go to dinner.”
“Zechs…are you sure? Should I wake the others?”
“No. Let them sleep and we’ll make a plate for them when they wake up. Just… just give me a moment,” I told him, and slipped quickly back into the room. On the bed, Quatre and Trowa had curled together, with Trowa cradling his injured wrists to his chest while Quatre was chewing on his knuckles in his sleep. Too refined to bite his nails and too old to suck his thumb, Quatre had taken to the nervous gesture of biting his fist in times of disquiet, and it seemed that he was upset enough now to do it even in his sleep.
But I bypassed the bedroom and headed straight for the bathroom, quickly grabbing a well-worn bottle and swallowing a pill to help calm my nerves. Then I headed straight back for the hall, barely allowing myself to cast a glance at the pair on the bed. My head was hurting enough without thinking about this.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to bring something up for you?” Wufei asked as we headed for the stairs.
“No. Why?”
“It’s just… you’re horribly pale. Are you sure you don’t want to lie down?”
“I’m fine. I just had a bit of a shock, that’s all.”
“I know you haven’t been sleeping well lately. You should really take better care of yourself. You can’t be getting much sleep with all the worrying you do,” he said, and I almost laughed aloud. Not like I’d be getting any sleep tonight, I wanted to say. If the worrying doesn’t keep me up, I’m sure the nightmares will.
“You worry too much,” I told him, and Wufei actually did scoff in response.
“You’re one to talk.”
“Oh, hush. Let’s just eat dinner, alright?”
We Heero and Duo that Quatre and Trowa been in an argument and we were letting them cool off until after dinner. It wasn’t entirely inaccurate, since there had definitely been a difference in wills, but the two wills contending had been theirs and mine. Regardless, Heero let it drop and managed to convince Duo to do so as well after a few well-aimed kicks under the table. Dinner was awkwardly quiet, but I was just glad for a moment to let the drugs try to combat my headache. With only eating to focus on, everyone managed to finish quickly. When everyone was finished eating I instructed them to clean up and wait for me in the den, while I went to fetch Quatre and Trowa.
In the bedroom, both boys were awake and talking in worried, hushed tones.
“I think it was this kind of behavior that caused all the trouble in the first place,” I said as I entered, startling both boys into bolting upright.
“Master, please, just let me explai-…”
“Not right now, Quatre,” I said, cutting him off. “If you had said something before none of this might have happened, but right now I want you to listen,” I said and tried not to feel a sting of guilt when their faces fell with guilt and fear. “Just listen to me. Neither of you are in trouble… Well, that’s not quite true,” I said, giving Quatre a piercing stare that he shrank from. “You’re in trouble because we’ve gone over this before, but I’ll talk to you about that later. And you,” I said, turning to Trowa, “are in trouble because you went along with it and I expected you to be more reasonable than that. But we’ll talk about that later as well. For right now I want both of you to come downstairs and listen while I have a discussion with everyone, alright? You can have dinner afterwards,” I told them, and thankfully they were both too upset to argue with me, because I was really starting to run out of patience. Both boys dressed quickly and then followed me downstairs to sit with the others in the den.
“It has come to my attention that some masters do not allow their slaves the freedom to display affection with whomever they choose. So listen well: I don’t care. You can be affectionate with whomever you want whenever you want, alright? You have my permission,” I told them simply, and they all just stared at me dumbstruck. Duo was the first to recover.
“So we can have sex?”
“If you choose,” I replied, know how touchy a subject sex was with Duo, but Duo just grinned brilliantly at Heero, who glared and rolled his eyes.
“What about… what about kissing?” Quatre asked timidly and the others, even Duo, grew still and serious.
“It’s fine with me as long as it’s fine with the other person,” I stipulated.
“You can’t be serious,” Duo snapped at me, suddenly going into one of his angry moods. “Why be a master at all if you’re going to let everyone do whatever they want?” he said, giving me a glare that told me he thought I was lying. “What’s your angle?” he asked. Looking at the others, I realized suddenly that none of them understood or believed either.
I sighed. I didn’t have the patience to explain this like I normally would, and my head was still aching despite the drugs I had taken. So… there was only one thing I could think to do, but I didn’t like it, and I was a little angry that I still had to prove myself to these boys once again. I knew it was silly to think I could overcome years of damage in only a few months but… I was getting so tired of fighting the same fights over the same problems. Were we making progress at all?
“Quatre, come here,” I ordered. Hesitantly, Quatre rose from his seat and approached me. And then, much to everyone’s astonishment, I pulled the blonde into my lap and kissed him deeply. After a moment, I turned my attention back to the group.
“Does anyone have a problem with this?” I asked seriously, looking around the room and making sure to make eye contact with Trowa. All the boys, dumbstruck, shook their heads.
“Heero, now you,” I ordered, and repeated the process with the same results.
“Does anyone have a problem with this? No? Then there’s no goddamned reason for me to have a problem with any of you kissing or doing anything with each other. As long as it doesn’t affect your training or your interaction with me, then I don’t care. And actually…” I said, suddenly coming down from the angry rush I had been on as I remembered the upcoming parties that I would be forced to attend. “Actually, you should all start getting more used to being close to one another. The Collar parties will be starting in a few weeks, and you will probably be asked to perform with one another in various sexual acts. I don’t like forcing any of you to do things you don’t like to, but I can’t make any promises about what I’ll ask you to do. So I would recommend you get used to each other. I’ll be going on a business trip for a week coming up very soon, so you might want to get closer to each other during that time. I will promise you that no one else at Collar– not other masters or other slaves – will touch you, but if a master asks to see any of you pair up… I’ll probably make you do it. So… it would be best if you were ready for such an outcome.”
And that’s all I had in me for the night. I went to bed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alright, so that's everything I have right now. Uh... don't expect big huge updates like this all the time. I've actually been working on this for two years (OMG! Why don't I have a life?) and have been posting it on fanfiction.net until recently, when I decided it was just too pornographic for the site, so I've edited all the good parts out and posted the full verion here and in livejournal. Livejournal actually has the best layout... maybe I should have mentioned that earlier. Anyway, I think livejournal will probably become my main site for updating, but I will be posting here as well, so don't worry. It'll probably just take me a few months. Sorry.


Okay, I got a couple complaints about the layout here, which I totally agree with but there's nothing I can do about. My best advice to everyone is to go to my livejournal page http://ryoko21.livejournal.com/3086.html because it has a way better format and shorter chapters, and you'll be able to see my updates more quickly (aka without checking all the time for them). So... that's about all the help I can give. Sorry guys, I'm doing my best.