I wish I were you
A night out, part 3: Confessions
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10. A night out, part 3: Confession
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Quatre looked
with childlike wonderment at the silver glitter whirling through the air. This
time, he was not alone on the dance floor. And of course, his interest in the
glitter wasn’t real. It was only an excuse so he wouldn’t have to look at
eagerly. In earnest, this time.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Quatre growled
inwardly. At one point, he wanted to raise his hands up to the heavens and cry
out “Is it so much to ask? Is it so fucking hard?!
back, the one who listened to him whenever he wanted to talk, not questioned
him about things he didn’t want to talk about. The
dreams about him, who didn’t want to dance with him in such a way.
had been fun before, when Trowa had that drunk, goofy
grin on his face. Now that he had a drunk, lustful
grin on his face, it felt rather creepy to Quatre. He didn’t have many other
options instead of putting up with it for the moment, though. Everyone was
doing it. Maybe the enthusiasm of the other dancers had rubbed off on
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>He shrugged and
sighed, letting his eyes drift over the dancing sea of people, multicoloured by
the spotlights. Not ten feet away from them, he saw the praised couple, Duo and
Heero. Duo was dancing with his back pressed against Heero’s
chest; it almost looked like Heero had found some ingenious way to access Duo’s
ass through his pants, the way their hips were moving like that.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Nobody cared.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Heero kissed Duo wetly,
and probably, noisily in his neck.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Nobody cared.
dragged up Duo’s shirt.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Nobody cared.
Quatre had to blink at this one – Heero’s hand went
down Duo’s pants!
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Still nobody
cared.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Quatre cared! He
could practically hear Duo moaning, panting in delight. He could see his face
melting into pleasure as Heero continued to manipulate his swelling groin,
turning his head for passionate kisses, like a thirsty kitten looking for its
mother’s swollen nipple.
Can someone please do something?!
he wanted to shriek.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“What’s wrong,
little one?” Trowa said.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Quatre gave a
surprised little yell, embarrassed that he had been caught staring,
and focused back on Trowa. “Nuu-nothing,”
he blurted.
turned his head, and quickly found the source of Quatre’s
fascination. He grinned and dismissively shook his head. He didn’t want to get
into that right now.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“Hey, can we
talk?” he said.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“Sure,” Quatre
nodded. He followed Trowa outside. They didn’t go
far. Just around the corner.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“
uselessly at his side, and he stared ahead in the ally. Were they gonna get all
intimate and personal now?
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>"Quatre, you
gotta tell me your secret,"
he heard Trowa saying next to him.
snapped up. "Secret?" He had forgotten to
act casual about it, and now the panic probably lay a bit too thick on his
face. There was no way Trowa could know about Duo.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Was there?
pretended not to notice. "Yeah. How you can smell
so great."
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Quatre raised an
eyebrow in mock indignation. "Who said you could smell me?"
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>"Should I
plug my nose, because the great Quatre doesn't want me to smell him?"
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>"No, I'm
just kidding,” Quatre grinned. “I use baby lotion."
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>"Baby
lotion, really?"
soft."
really?"
moment. He could readily imagine the peach-like texture of Quatre’s
skin. "So uhm… Do you have... any other secrets
you want to share?"
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>"No. No
secrets," Quatre said quickly. But of course he had secrets! And
questions! They were all boiling and bubbling in his head, and in his chest.
pursed his lips. “I’m not really sure… how I should tell you. Although… there
is something I’d really like to tell you.”
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Quatre waited
while Trowa struggled with his words. “What?” he
said. And then he thought of Duo's words again. That someday his prince would
come, that maybe he already had come. That maybe it was Trowa.
The way he'd said it had made it all sound so final. What if he didn't want
that? It all added up just a bit too perfectly. Heero had Duo,
with Trowa, and Trowa was
left with him. What if Heero would be with
would be - gloriously, blissfully - with Duo? The number would still be right.
The order would just be different.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Quatre blinked as
he slowly refocused on Trowa. He was babbling
something about how fun their holiday had been so far, and how they had so much
opportunity to bond now, and how they should find out more stuff about each
other.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“Actually…” He
took Trowa’s hands in his to get his attention.
“There is something I have to say.” He couldn’t do this. He feared there was a
declaration of love on the way, or something like that, at least. He could tell
by the way Trowa was smiling at him. At the way he
was so nervous right now. Trowa wasn't usually like
that. He was always composed, cool, in control of himself. Now he was
everything except that.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>He had to nip it
in the bud. It would crush Trowa, probably. But it
was better to crush him now, then to crush him when he was in too deep.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“The way you were
dancing to me just now…”
shrink.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“I didn’t like
it.” He didn’t see the disappointment that flashed through Trowa’s
eyes. He had looked down, just because
he didn’t want to see it. But he could still hear the pain in his voice when he
spoke next.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“You didn’t?”
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“I… don’t think I
gave you the impression that I liked it.”
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“You didn’t
rebuke it.”
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“You know,
it would be pretty childish to make a fuss about it. So, I just let you.”
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“But you didn’t
like it?” There was a crack in Trowa’s voice, and he
coughed to cover it up.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“That’s what I
said.”
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“Yes, that’s what
you said,” Trowa mumbled. He heaved a shaky sigh and
slumped against the wall. He knew from himself that he was pretty lousy when it
came to words. Instead, he tried to show his emotions through gestures.
Unfortunately it was always the wrong ones, so it seemed. “God, I feel so
ridiculous.”
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Quatre went to
stand next to Trowa against the wall, and made their
shoulders touch. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. Trowa
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Did it make him
feel any better now? Of course not. Would it have made
him feel better if Trowa had spoken his words of love, if he had given in? Did he have to
start a relationship with him based on lies? What if he wanted
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Quatre shook his
head at his own thoughts. Yes, he needed love and warmth, the kind of love and
warmth you get in a relationship. But not from
he came to when he needed advice or comfort, his big, strong bear when all else
failed. Trowa could bear the world on his shoulders,
and make Quatre feel the same way with just a few words or a little token of
friendship. Trowa was everything to Quatre, his big
brother.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>You don’t fall in
love with your big brother.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>It was a jumble,
everything. It was like a big jig-saw puzzle in his head, there were a whole
lot of pieces. He kept on shoving them around and around, but he couldn’t
figure out the right way to shove them to find the solution.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“I hope you’re
not angry,” Quatre said after a while.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“Angry?”
not. If you were offended by it, you have every right to tell me you didn’t
like it.”
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“I wasn’t
offended. Hey, you were pretty good at it, you know. It just… didn’t do
anything to me.”
staring at the ground. He was chewing his bottom lip and had his hands shoved
in the pockets of his jeans. “Is that supposed to make me feel better?” he
muttered. His chest felt weird, strangely brittle. Like his pounding heart
could break through it any moment. He had been observing Quatre’s
behaviour these last few days, at selective moments, specifically the moments
when he was around Duo. He wasn’t quite sure yet. But… his suspicions were
heading somewhere. He had started seeing Quatre’s
feelings like a see-saw. At one side was Duo. At the other side
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>And mostly,
always bended most strongly toward Duo.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>His eyes drifted
up to a guy with a fishbone on the back of his vest, and a kid trotting along
with him on his hand. They were gonna
get lucky tonight.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“Not now,
anyway,” Quatre said.
sharply turned his head, looking at Quatre again for the first time since he’d
turned him down. “What?”
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“Well…” Quatre
linked their arms together, and smiled suggestively. “It didn’t do anything for
me now. But… maybe later.” He felt disgusted with himself for giving
just leave him hurt like this!
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“
an instant. “Wanna go back inside?”
nice out here. Less noise. Cooler.” Quatre went
sitting on the ground against the wall and patted his hand next to him for
so, and huddled up next to Quatre. They sat together like that for a while,
while the cool air dried the sweat on their skin. There were some lewd snickers
from people passing by. To anyone else, it might’ve looked like they’d gotten
sick from too much alcohol, and were now recovering.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“Hey, do you have
gum?” Quatre said suddenly. “I have a weird taste in my mouth from all the
drinks.”
around in his pocket. He felt some coins, a condom – guess he wasn’t gonna use
“Here,” he said, handing one strip to Quatre and keeping the other one for
himself. “Hey, you haven’t been drinking too much, have you? I mean, you still
have to drive us home.”
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“Not except for
the beer you poured into my mouth,” Quatre mumbled, peeling the foil from the
gum.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“Yeah…” It came
with an embarrassed gust of air. “Sorry ‘bout that. Got
a bit carried away.”
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>When they arrived
back at their table, they were greeted with a screeching “You fucking son of a
Luckily, the screech wasn’t directed at them, and was lined with laughter.
Apparently, Heero had found great pleasure in it to spew out each gulp of his
drink over Duo’s face. Duo reciprocated with at the same time disgusted and
hilarious cries, and half-hearted shielding hand gestures.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“God, that’s
gross, you guys!” Quatre yelled.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Duo’s head
swivelled more or less in Quatre’s direction.
lick his ass, you think I can’t handle a bit of his
spit?”
fell open with shock. He glanced aside at Trowa and
saw a matching facial expression there. “Ew, that’s
more conviction.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“Hey, I didn’t do
anything!” Heero said. The slur in his voice robbed his words of their
credibility. Heero went to sit down with the cocktail glass in his hand as if
it were a part of him. His one leg was casually slung over the other. Unusual
sight, really. But then again, more unusual things had already happened that
evening.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“They just saw…”
Duo made a face as he thought of a retort but was unsuccessful; it simply
wasn’t worth finding a retort for someone as hammered as Heero. “Whatever. I’m
going dancing.”
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Heero grunted and
waved his hand indifferently.
Quatre.”
Quatre?!”
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“How nice it is
to still see a spark of interest,” Duo remarked dryly. “Yes, with Quatre.”
Grinning, he took Quatre’s arm and pulled him along.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“But… But Heero
doesn’t seem very okay with it!” Quatre protested.
shrugged. “I’ll keep an eye on him. Go have fun, Quatre.”
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Quatre felt a
sudden feeling of despair stealing over him. Dancing with Duo was all he’d ever
wanted tonight, but there would be a lot of eyes on them.
He looked like a kid who couldn’t have that one piece of toy in a toy store. He
glared at Heero; he had expected him to be ultra possessive again. The one time
he wasn’t! Had the alcohol made him less alert?
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Before he could
protest any further, Duo tugged at his hand, and he was hurled into a whirling
world of light and music. He didn’t see, didn’t feel anything but Duo’s hands
on his body. He too, could touch him. He was allowed to now, still not too low
of course. He had to stay above his hips. “Duo, what are you doing?!” he
hissed.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“I’m gonna teach
you how to dance, Quatre,” Duo grinned.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“I can dance!”
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“No
mouth to Quatre’s ear. “Dance dirty.”
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Quatre made a
weird, stuttering sound. “Duo, I really don’t think that is a good idea…” he
mumbled weakly, but Duo had already started. Their hips were touching, and to
Quatre, it felt electric.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Quatre shook his
head. He knew he shouldn’t enjoy it. Right now, Duo was just like something he
could use, a toy to play with which he had to return to his rightful owner when
he was done with it. But God, he enjoyed it! He enjoyed how Duo turned him
around, clawed his fingers in his shirt, ground his groin into his ass,
growing hard, and he tried to think of other things, but all he could feel was
Duo’s body pressed up close behind him, Duo’s groin against his ass.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>He let his head
fall back against Duo’s shoulder and whimpered, hoping to god that the music
would drown it out. Biting his lip, he quickly turned around again, fearing
that his erection was becoming noticeable to the scrutinizing eyes of their
friends. Duo would feel it, of course, but he had to hide it!
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Duo wasn’t sure.
Was he feeling something against his hipbone now? A short glance at
sweating, and blushing, and embarrassedly peering up at him. Quatre had a hard
on.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Duo laughed
softly, but wolfishly, encouraged by his own success. Carefully, he pushed his
knee between Quatre’s legs and slowly let his thigh
go up. “See Quatre, it’s all about taking initiative,” he murmured. He pressed
his leg more boldly, and slowly started riding Quatre’s
thigh. At the same time, both hands travelled down and pressed firmly against
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Quatre was
panting, he knew it. He couldn’t stop it, and neither did he want to. Not now.
He wanted to enjoy this moment as long as he could, for as long as it lasted. He
buried his face against Duo’s shoulder to hide his expression. Only his eyes
peered up. They went over the crowd. Other couples were dancing in similar
ways. There was no embarrassment on their faces. Only
pleasure. They weren’t facing the same dilemma.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>His eyes strayed
further. Almost subconsciously, he sought out Trowa’s
face, like some sort of magnetism. He was looking at them; yet his face was
devoid of emotion. If that shining pole over there all of a sudden had started
dancing the French Cancan, he still would’ve been looking at it like it was something
that happened every day. His eyes strayed back to the crowd. He could see that
dancing. But he wondered why Wufei was squinting at
him like that? It’s not like Quatre had provoked the whole thing!
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Ah, Heero. He
was, in spite of his drunkenness, close to hysterics by now, especially when
Duo took Quatre’s hands and moved them to rest upon
his own butt.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>That seemed to be
the final straw. Heero was fuming now. Humped off his chair.
Strode towards them.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Quatre rolled his
eyes, half in pleasure, half in frustration. Just now that Duo had murmured a
sultry “Yes, just like that” in his ear, Heero was gonna break them apart.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Duo looked up in
genuine surprise as he heard the furious outcry of his name. “Oh. Hey, Heero,”
he smiled. “Gee, you don’t look so drunk anymore.”
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“What the FUCK
are you doing?!” Heero shouted, jerking the two apart. Quatre took the opportunity
to escape to the men’s room.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Duo shouted back
with the same ardour. “What do you mean? I’m dancing! At least I was, until you
threw yourself in between! Isn’t that obvious?”
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“What was obvious
to me, is that you were sexing Quatre up! Have you
seen the way you were dancing?”
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“Oh that,” Duo
snorted, sauntering back to their table. “I don’t see why you’re making such a
big deal out of it. Q‑man is growing up. He’s discovering his sexuality
and I’m helping him with that.”
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Heero jerked him
by the arm and turned him to face him. “That’s very nice of you, but he’s
discovering with the wrong one!”
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“And then who’s
the right one, Heero?! Can you already imagine Trowa
dancing with him like that?!”
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“He was, just a
few moments ago! But you seemingly haven’t noticed that again!”
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“Of course I
didn’t notice! You were poking your hard on in my ass and I was horny as hell!
So sue me!”
before that?
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“That was only in
jest,” Duo snorted. “I could tell by that silly grin on Trowa’s
face.”
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“Oh, forget it!”
Heero grumbled with a rejecting gesture of his hand. “I wanna
go home!”
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“Then go by foot!
I still have to get Wufei drunk,
and myself too!”
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“You already
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“I hope you get
hit by a car!”
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“Me too, then I
don’t have to live with you any longer!”
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>A few more
cocktails, a whiskey, a vodka or two and some other
psychedelic stuff later, the entire incident was forgiven and forgotten. They
had buried the hatchet and were all over each other again
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Though Duo and
Heero had declared for all who wished to hear it that they would make a night
of it, Trowa had thought differently about that. He
longed for silence, a warm bed and some painkillers. He felt like he was in
charge of a kinder garten, kindergarten with a
frighteningly high libido! Zechs and
bouncing ball of excitement when he heard.
jammed the two drunk, yet still very active boys on the backseat of the car and
slid into the front seat. “You don’t mind if I sit here, do you?” he said to
Quatre, throwing a furtive glance over his shoulder. “You know how…”
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“Oh, I know,”
Quatre chuckled. “They’re worst when they’re drunk.”
To be continued…
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Next chapter:
Hangover. And when the night comes, Trowa discovers
that Duo and Quatre will not join them to Relena’s
party. Also, Wufei reports about his night with
Preview:
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“Hmm, I’m still
gonna stay home,” Duo mumbled. He sat himself on the armrest of the chair Heero
was sitting in, unaware of it how much he gave the impression that he
unconditionally and truly belonged to Heero, like a faithful servant who
nestled himself next to his king. His gaze rested on Zechs,
trying to imagine the body under the tux.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>They sat like
that in silence, until Duo grew bored. He leaned forward and grabbed a plastic
bag from the table, rummaging through it.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“What’s that?”
Heero said.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>“Candy.
shoving the bag under Heero’s nose.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Heero dumbly
looked up at him, not even beginning to wonder where he’d got
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>"Or do you
prefer some breasts? I have breasts too," Duo said, digging into the bag.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>"Penis is
fine." Heero snatched the piece of candy Duo offered him and started
chewing on it. “Idiot,” he mumbled.
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Finally, they
heard stumbling upstairs. A door was being slammed shut, and feet stepped down
the stairs.
up, eager to know what Wufei would look like. “You’re
sure you’re not going?”
style='font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>Duo and Quatre
agreed in unison.