Cages

So, I also have an account on Livejournal, if anyone's interested.
http://ryoko21.livejournal.com/ I've made it very simple to find Cages there because every chapter links you to the next chapter, previous chapter, and an archive of all the chapters. It will also let you keep better track of when I update. I will be updating on this site as well, so don't feel required to switch at all. Anyway, here's the story.

160 Trowa

Quatre and I didn’t have sex that evening. With everything that had happened, it just didn’t seem like the right time. After Master’s hasty proclamation and retreat to bed, Quatre and I ate dinner in silence, then joined the others in going to bed.

Duo took the news of our new freedoms better than expected. He had always been so skittish about anything relating to sex that I had expected him to retreat when Master urged us to have sex, but to the contrary he actually began to actively pursue Heero.

Which is why, when Quatre and I climbed the stairs for bed, we found him pounding on his bedroom door.

“Heero? Come on, man, I was just joking about the strip-tease. Can’t you take a joke?”

“And what about the sex?” Heero replied from within the room.

“Well… hell, weren’t you waiting for permission to sleep with me? Then why should we wait?”

“I refuse to be the bottom, and I would prefer if you refrained from making crude comments about my rear in front of others.”

“It was just Wufei! You know he’s wound tighter than a tire-rod anyway.”

“That’s no excuse, and that doesn’t even make sense. And I still refuse to bottom.”

“Why not? You bottom for Zechs!”

“You’re not Zechs.”

“Well… fine! But I’m not going to bottom either, so there!”

“Then we’re not having sex tonight.”

“You’re damn right we’re not… Hey! What the hell? I wanna have sex!”

“I’ll let you back in the room if you promise to behave and no molest me in my sleep.”

“Ch. Fine. Who’d be dumb enough to grope you while you slept anyway? You’d probably just yank my nuts off and be done with it,” Duo said, sulking as Heero opened the door and let him in. Beside me, I heard Quatre snicker. It was a nice sound, especially since Quatre had been pretty depressed since we woke up. I think he starting to have doubts about our earlier actions. I certainly was. It was hard enough for Quatre to convince me to go along with the plan, and now that I had seen the pain it caused to Master I sincerely wished I had managed to convince Quatre not to do it.

But when Quatre had talked about it, everything had made perfect sense. Had I let myself be swayed because I felt guilty? Because I felt like I needed to be punished? And didn’t it just add to my guilt that I could have stopped Quatre, that I could have convinced him not to go through with it, and I let him go because of my own feelings. Because I was feeling so guilty about forcing him to admit an affection that I knew he felt for me and then taking out my jealousy on him. And because I was such a coward that I needed him to admit his feelings before I could come forward with mine.

That night, I could barely sleep. My throbbing wrists were a constant reminder of my shame, and every time I closed my eyes I could see Quatre’s frightened, tear-streaked face begging me to let him go.

The next morning, Master didn’t wake up for breakfast. Wufei came downstairs looking ragged and exhausted, and then announced that Master had not slept well and would not be joining us for breakfast. It sent another jolt of guilt down my spine, but I’d felt that feeling so often lately that I was becoming immune to it. Quatre wasn’t, though, and his small form radiated anguish as Wufei took a tray of breakfast up to Master’s room. I finished eating as fast as I could and fled the room, unable to stand seeing Quatre’s pain on top of my own.

It was Saturday, which we generally spent either relaxing or going on an outing, and since Master didn’t seem well enough for any kind of trip I decided to take a long bath with my free time. I hoped that it might soothe my sore wrists, as well as washing away the sweat and blood from last night’s tragedy.

There was a larger communal bathroom on the second floor, which Heero, Wufei, Quatre and I took turns using during the week. Duo wouldn’t go near it because the lock on the door had broken off and never been replaced, but the huge, claw footed bathtub inside was wonderful for long, hot baths to ease tension and relax sore muscles.

And I had plenty of tension to relax away, but the bath just wasn’t doing its job. After twenty minutes, I was wrinkly but no less stressed, with my stomach still in knots and my mind a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. I wondered if I should get Wufei to teach me some meditation techniques, then remembered that he’s been up half the night with Master. That thought just made me feel even worse, so I submerged my head under the water. Maybe if I couldn’t hear or see I wouldn’t feel so awful.

But all I could think about was Quatre. His face, laughing, crying, happy, sad. It haunted me. I wondered if he’d ever forgive me, or if he even knew what I’d done. I thought about telling him, about purging myself of this guilt, but he was so kind-hearted that he’d forgive me, and I wasn’t sure I deserved it. Perhaps this suffering was what I deserved for failing Quatre repeatedly and so completely.

When I resurfaced, I could still see Quatre’s face, but this time it was smiling at me, looking a little shy, a little embarrassed, but mostly happy and mischievous. It was the way I remembered him in our happiest time, though the embarrassment I could see was a little out of place for my daydreams. Still, I smiled back at him, happy at least to see the shadow of pain gone from his face. I reached for his face, but kept my hand just a hair’s breadth from touching his skin. I knew if I touched it the dream would end, and I wanted it to last forever. Then Quatre closed his eyes and leaned his cheek against my palm as I prepared for the illusion to disappear.

But nothing happened. I could feel his warm skin against mine, and I realized with a shock that this was real.

“Quatre?” I wondered, startled. “What…. What are you doing here?”

“I wanted a bath,” he said, climbing into the bath with me. He was naked from head to toe, which had made perfect sense when he was a mirage, but now was mind-boggling. If I hadn’t seen his clothes on the floor, I probably would have thought I was hallucinating. The bare skin of Quatre’s thighs brushed against mine, slicked by the water and amazingly arousing. I felt dizzy as the blood rushed from my head.

“I… could get out,” I offered feebly, not all the certain that I would be able to get out, being as dizzy as I was.

“Must you?” Quatre asked, pressing his body against mine and leaning his head on my shoulder. I let out my breath in a hiss, trying to maintain control of my body. My hands hovered by his shoulders, uncertain whether I should pull him to me and bask in this moment or push him away. The feel of his body against mine was the most wonderful thing in the world, but I was afraid of what was really prompting his actions. After all that Quatre had been through, I was afraid this was just another side effect of his instability and low self-esteem. I was terrified that pulling him closer would be the wrong move, but I was also afraid of the damage that pushing him away might cause. And, worst of all, I knew I couldn’t stay still for long.

“What is this?” I whispered, still holding myself rigidly still.

“I want you,” he whispered into my ear, his breath tickling my skin.

“Why?”

It was like flicking a switch with Quatre. He sighed in an annoyed way and abruptly pulled away from me, retreating to the other end of the tub. He was quiet for several minutes, and it was just enough time for me to get control of myself, so that my head was clear by the time he spoke.

“Why are you always so uncertain about my affections?” he asked me, his voice hurt and confused. “Why can’t it just be enough that I want you? The truth is that I’m scared, Trowa. Everything’s gone so badly lately, especially with Master, and…”

“If you want to have sex with Master, you should go to him. I’m a poor replacement at best, and I know he’ll give you the reassurances you want,” I told him, trying and failing to keep my voice from sounding cold. I turned away from Quatre so that I couldn’t see the pain in his eyes, but it was hard to get space between us when we were both still in the bathtub. I was tired of being Quatre’s backup whenever Master wasn’t willing to reassure him. I was tired of being a convenient replacement.

“I don’t want Master right now, damnit, I want you!” Quatre growled, slapping the water in his anger. I was startled enough to look at him, and his blue eyes bore into mine. “Why do you always do that? Always assume that I want Master instead of you every time I mention him? I do love Master, but I’ve told you before that I love you and I meant it. Do you have such a low self-image that you can’t understand my love? Because you are the most beautiful, gentle, caring man I have ever met, alright? Now just listen, okay?” he said, and the anger in his eyes faded to a gentle sadness. “I know that Master says he would never sell us, and I believe him. But… you never know what’s going to happen. We could wake up tomorrow and Master might be gone, and we’d all be separated and sold. One of us could die, Trowa. Everything… everything’s been so strange lately and I… I have a lot of regrets, okay? But I don’t… I don’t want missing out on loving you to be one of them. I don’t want to risk losing you before I’ve even had you. So please, Trowa, ple-…”

And I kissed him, deep and passionately, as though our souls were trying to merge. Maybe I didn’t deserve his love, but I would not pass up the chance to make him happy. His tongue peaked forward adventurously, and I obligingly opened my mouth to allow him entrance. His tongue darted in, flicking along my teeth and my tongue, then darted back out, teasingly enticing my tongue to follow. We sparred like that, and I took advantage of Quatre’s distraction to shift my position, placing my thighs inside of his and encouraging him to extend his legs, so that I was kneeling between his parted thighs. When he was settled, I pressed my stomach against his, rubbing our eager arousals together. Slicked by the water, they slid against each other with maddeningly little friction as Quatre and I panted above the water, our mouths still locked in a lover’s embrace.

But I couldn’t let our mouths have all the fun, so I slipped one of my hands beneath him, raising him up off the bottom of the tub, and slipped my other hand between his legs, to caress his bottom. Quatre shivered excitedly, spreading his legs as wide as he could in the enclosed space and bucking his groin encouragingly against mine. I gasped as the sensation sent a burst of pleasure through me, then obligingly turned my attention back to Quatre’s soft, creamy skin. I cupped the warm flesh of his bottom, then slowly moved my hand deeper, until my fingers were pressed against his entrance. Quatre gasped as I slipped a finger into him, pressing it deep into his warm body. He moaned and bit down on my neck, then licked the spot to sooth the imagined hurt. In truth I found the feel of his teeth pressing down on my skin terribly arousing, and I pressed another finger into his tight body as a reward. This time Quatre could barely control himself, and he flung his head back and moaned loudly, thrashing his legs in an attempt to open them wider, and spilling water onto the floor. I smiled and pressed one more finger into him, just to be certain that I wouldn’t hurt my blonde beauty when I entered him. It was all Quatre could take and he sobbed and pleaded, bucking against me and riding my fingers. It was enough to make me come just watching him, but I wanted more than just wet humping, so I pulled my fingers out and prepared to enter my beloved.

I noticed rather quickly, however, that while the bathtub was ideal for grinding, there was no way I would be able to enter Quatre in it. Even if I did manage to lever him up far enough onto the rim without hurting him to enter him, the bottom of the bath was far too slick for me to be able to get the leverage to enter him. Even though the water was warm and inviting, it didn’t seem worth the effort to stay in the bath, so I snagged a towel from the rack and tossed it on the floor, then lifted Quatre in my arms, carried him out of the bath, and laid him on the floor.

I would have liked to take some time and just immerse myself in Quatre’s beauty, but he was too hot and needy to give me that kind of time. As soon as his back touched the floor he managed to arch up and wrap his legs around my waist. I had to pin his hips to the floor while I tried to position myself at his entrance. Beneath me, Quatre panted and writhed, running his hands down his body as he tried to keep from bucking against me. I pressed my aching member against him, but had to pause for a moment as I once again wondering at the enormity of what we were about to do. Below me, Quatre moaned piteously, but I needed to know.

“Quatre,” I whispered breathlessly, “Are you sure about this?”

“No!” he sobbed, real tears coming to his eyes, and I couldn’t tell if they were from the sex or his emotions. “But I want to be sure, and this is the only way I know how! Please, Trowa! I love you! I need… I need to know what this is all about!”

“I love you too, my angel,” I whispered in his ear, then kissed him deeply to take the sting out of my entrance. Quatre gasped into my mouth, then threw his head back and moaned appreciatively. I couldn’t help but smile at his satisfaction, which seemed to exceed even mine.

But Quatre wasn’t satisfied for long and soon threw his legs around my hips, pulling me down and urging me to move. I obliged, pulling almost completely out and then sheathing myself to the hilt. Quatre threw his head back and began to scream, but managed to cut himself off before it got loud enough to disturb the others. Although the others in the house were the least of my worries at the time.

We began to move in tandem, with Quatre meeting my every thrust with one of his own. Our thrusts built to a frenzied pace. I reached between our bodies and stroked Quatre’s weeping erection. He moaned, clenching his body, and sent me over the edge. I shouted as I let his body milk the seed from mine, becoming dizzy with ecstasy as I orgasmed. I continued to thrust my hips, letting the last of my seed fall into Quatre’s belly, and leaned down to suck on Quatre’s weeping erection. Almost instantly he orgasmed, shooting his hot seed into my mouth, where I swallowed as much as I could and allowed the rest to dribble down my chin.

Quatre lay panting under me on the floor while I pulled out of his body, wiping his seed off my chin. But it wasn’t until I laid down beside him and saw tears running down his face that I became worried.

“Quatre?” I gasped, feeling the bottom of my stomach drop with fear that I had hurt my love. But I had been so careful, how could this happen? “What hurts?” I asked him, rising to my knees beside him, but Quatre just shook his head. “Quatre? Please, love, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he said, opening his eyes and smiling at me. “Everything’s fine now,” he assured me, pulling me down to share a passionate kiss. “I just love you so much, and I know you love me too now,” he whispered against my lips. “You’ll never leave me, right?”

“Never,” I promised him, laying down and pulling him into my arms. He fit perfectly against my body, curling into my arms as though he had been made to fit there, or I had been made to fit him.

Then, tired and content, we fell asleep on the bathroom floor, without a care for the first time in far too long.

161 Heero

The fact that Quatre and Trowa were having sex and we had not irked Duo more than could be reasonably expected. He sat in our room for the better part of fifteen minutes glaring at the wall and ignoring the math book on his lap. He would sigh, every so often, then look back at the book for a minute, but moments later his eyes would seemingly involuntarily be pulled back to the wall, which did not deaden the sound of Quatre’s panting yelps or Trowa’s deep moans.

I wasn’t sure why I was refusing to have sex with Duo. I had certainly had sex with worse in the past, I was no longer afraid that Master would be upset by it, and I was rather sexually frustrated myself, so there was absolutely no logical reason for me to be putting it off like this.

Some of it was the fun of driving Duo completely bonkers, partially in revenge for all the trouble he put me through. A part of it, I think, was the perverse novelty of being able to say no to sex, even if it wasn’t the best option. I’d never had a choice in sex before. Certainly there had been times that it was enjoyable, and there were times that I had managed to manipulate events to gain or avoid sex, but the choice of whether or nor to have sex had never truly been in my hands. Duo probably had a lot more experience with refusing to have sex and actually getting his way so it wasn’t such a strange experience for him, but for me it was a completely new experience that I wasn’t quite ready to stop.

But that wasn’t all of it, and I knew it wasn’t. As much as I hated to admit it, I was afraid to have sex with Duo. Not because I thought he would be rough or the sex would be bad, but because I was afraid of the changes this would cause in the relationship between Duo and me. Could it even be called a relationship? And, if so, what did that mean for what Master and I had? If I started a relationship with Duo, was I labeling my relationship with Master as nothing more than master and slave? Master had said that he was fine with his slaves creating relationships amongst one another as long as jealousies did not arise. But what about preferences? If I preferred to be with Duo instead of Master, would that put a strain on the two relationships? How could I be expected to maintain control over the situation if I could not decipher what the outcome of this event would be? It was illogical to have sexual relations with Duo if it would throw the balance of all the relationships off. Quatre and Trowa were allowing their emotions to lead them into a dangerous situation, but I was more rational. I would not allow this impulsive and superficial satisfaction lead me into ruin.

And yet, after all the logic I threw at it, why was I still so tempted?

Duo wasn’t making any progress on his work anyway, so I led him down to the pool for a distraction. I had hoped to swim a few laps and let Duo bathe in the sun, but once at the water Duo provoked a rather lengthy water battle and then challenged me to several swimming races, which I won, but far less easily than I had done so in the past.

It reminded me just how quickly Duo was recovering and I took a moment to just look at him. He had gained back most of the weight his injuries had caused him to lose, and he had gained back even more muscle tone than he’d had when he came to us, but it was less wiry and more supple. He looked less rough and ragged, but stronger and more lithe. Yoga and gymnastics combined with swimming and weight lifting had given Duo a trim, limber form with slim, well-muscled arms and a taunt belly with sculpted outline of abs. Water ran in rivulets down his chest and over his stomach, disappearing at the waistband of his trunks. He was still grinning like a lunatic, panting from our last race as he wrung the water out of his braid.

“Damn, ‘Ro, couldn’t you have let me win one race? Man, I’m not going to keep playing if you always kick my ass.”

“I won’t be able to keep beating you like this if you continue the way you are. You’re doing remarkably better than the last time we raced.”

“Gee, Heero, I think that was almost a compliment. I’m flattered.”

“It was a compliment, baka. You’re doing very well, especially having so recently recovered.”

“Aww!” Duo gushed, giving me a teasing grin as I climbed the latter out of the pool. “’Ro, you’re so sweet. Pretty soon I’m going to think you’re just trying to get into my pants.”

“Yeah,” I replied sarcastically, snatching the towel from his hands. He laughed some more, a deep, throaty sound that made me grin along with him. If Duo could still laugh this way, even with everything that had been going on, then things couldn’t be so bad.

“Come on, let’s go get a shower before lunch,” Duo suggested, “I’ll let you scrub my back,” Duo offered, but I knew he was kidding. Duo had come far from the paranoid mental case that he had been before, but he still couldn’t stand to have anyone with him when he bathed. It was a phobia he might never overcome. Still, that he was comfortable enough to let me swim with him was progress in itself.

“I think I’ll pass. My hair won’t mat if I don’t immediately wash out the chlorine, and I wanted to check on Master anyway.”

“Eh, you’re loss,” he quipped, snatching the dry towel from the chair and wrapping it around his shoulders before heading inside. I dried off as well as I could with the damp towel before following behind him.

I quickly changed clothes, snorting at Duo’s off-key singing that echoed from the small bathroom in our room as I left to see Master. I could hear Wufei’s footsteps upstairs in the library, probably preparing lessons for Trowa and Duo, and I smiled. I had hoped Wufei would be away from Master’s side. While I wasn’t worried that he would be able to deny me entrance to Master’s room, I didn’t want to fight about it if he thought Master shouldn’t be disturbed. I somewhat doubted that Master was still asleep, though, and I wouldn’t wake him if he was still sleeping.

It turned out that Master wasn’t asleep when I entered his room, but he wasn’t quite awake either. He was in that groggy, in-between stage between sleeping and waking, and woke enough to ask a garbled, “Who’s there?” when I entered the room.

“I wanted to see how you were,” I said softly, kneeling beside the bed. Master pushed himself up with one arm, pushing his hair out of his eyes as he blinked and struggled to get his eyes to focus on my face.

“Heero?” he asked groggily. “Wha-… What time is it?”

“Almost noon, Master,” I told him. He blew his breath out heavily and rolled his eyes as he tossed himself back down to the bed, covering his eyes with his arm.

“Why didn’t anyone wake me?” he asked, but his voice wasn’t angry or annoyed.

“It’s Saturday. Besides, you seemed like you needed the sleep.”

“I’ve been sleeping. What I need to do is get back to work,” he said, but didn’t make an immediate move to get out of bed. “Still, I guess I can be a little lazy,” he said, then moved his arm so he could meet my eyes and smile at me. “Come on, talk to me,” Master instructed, pulling back the covers and patting the bed beside him. I climbed into the bed eagerly and slipped into his arms, molding my body against his. I felt something relax in my mind, and only then realized just how worried I had been about Master.

“How had everything been with you? We haven’t talked much this week,” Master said, stroking my hair. I could feel his breath on my ear and I had to suppress the urge to bury myself in his arms and never come out.

“Everything’s been fine, Master. My training is coming well.”

“I didn’t ask about your training,” Master replied calmly. The feel of his fingers in my hair was soothing, and I didn’t really feel like talking.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, not knowing what else to say. I was afraid Master would be annoyed with me, but he just smiled gently and changed the subject.

“How are Quatre and Trowa? I know I left them a bit abruptly last night.”

“They seem to have recovered well. They had sex this morning.”

“Eh…” Master said, stilling his hand for a moment. “Really? That was fast.”

“Are you displeased?” I wondered, hoping that I hadn’t gotten Quatre and Trowa in trouble. Master had given his permission, and he had never been the type of master to test or torment his slaves by telling them one thing and meaning another. Still, his reaction worried me, but only until Master responded.

“No, I’m not mad, I’m just surprised that they took that step so soon. They were so upset about kissing yesterday that I’m a little shocked they moved so quickly onto having sex.”

“But it really wasn’t the kissing that they were upset about. They had chosen to fulfill their own and each other’s needs over obeying an unspoken command from their master. There is far more risk in those actions than in merely having sex. There shouldn’t be any risk in having sex now that you’ve given us permission. As long as both parties are willing, it shouldn’t be anything dramatic or influential. It’s really not a big deal.”

“But it is a big deal, isn’t it?” Master asked, and I had to wonder if he had been listening to me at all. I had just said it wasn’t. “Oh, I don’t mean that sex should be a big deal. I’m not so naïve as to think you boys aren’t more than used to sleeping with perfect strangers and people you don’t even like. But, if I’m not mistaken, none of you have ever been in this particular situation before, have you? Where you’re allowed to sleep with or deny whoever you want, at least for the time being? And that choice creates a whole other side to sex, as I’m fairly sure you realize. Or was Duo pounding on someone else’s door last night and asking for forgiveness?”

“He was not asking for forgiveness,” I pointed out stubbornly. Zechs grinned.

“Mm. I only remember bits of that conversation, but it had something to do with inappropriate comments to Wufei, and Duo having his balls ripped off?”

“Something like that,” I said, turning away so that Master couldn’t see me blush. Of all the parts of that conversation he could overhear…

“So are you going to tell me that you did sleep with Duo, or were you just denying his requests for sex because it was fun?”

“It was kind of fun,” I admitted sullenly, not really liking where this conversation was going.

“You know I can see right through you, right? Even half asleep like this, I know you’re here because you’re worried about your relationship with Duo, and you want me to fix it,” he said, and I really was shocked at Master’s ability to read me. Was I that transparent? “Unfortunately, Heero, I can’t fix this problem for you,” Master admitted. “I can offer you advice, and I can give you reassurances, but this is something that you have to do on your own and for yourself. I can’t take this burden from you.”

“I’m so afraid,” I heard myself wonder before I even realized I was speaking. “What if I mess this up? What if I mess everything up? I can’t fail you, and I don’t want to fail Duo.”

“You don’t need to worry about failing me. I’ve already told you, the relationship you have with me and the one you have with Duo are separate. As for your relationship with Duo, all I can tell you is that relationships like this, with two people who like each other trying to get together, aren’t about failing anyone. You can’t fail at a relationship unless you don’t try. Sometimes relationships just don’t work out. You may not be what Duo needs, and you can’t make yourself into anything but what you are. You just have to try your hardest and hope everything works out.”

“And what if it doesn’t?”

“Then you should end it. You can still be friends even if you don’t work very well as lovers. You can’t be lovers if you don’t work very well at being friends, though, so you’ve already got one step done in the relationship. I want you to realize, Heero, that a relationship isn’t just about sex, but I think sex is a crucial part of a relationship, especially at your age. If you don’t have sex, you could remain friends forever. But if you do have sex, and you can maintain the relationship, then you’ll be closer to each other than you’ve ever been with anyone. It’s a risk, but it’s worth it in the end.”

“What should I do?” I wondered softly. I could understand everything Master was saying, but my brain couldn’t keep up with all the pros and cons. It couldn’t weigh the advantages of something I’d never experienced against the risks that I didn’t completely understand.

“Listen to your heart,” Master said, moving to look into my eyes and then laying his forehead against mine. “I can almost hear you trying to calculate this whole thing in your head, but human emotions don’t follow any mathematic equation. You’re heart knows what it wants, and all you need to do is calm down for a moment and listen to it.”

“What does your heart tell you, Master?”

“It tells me…” he said, pausing dramatically as he considered his answer, “that I love warm cinnamon buns.”

“W-what?”

“Can’t you smell them? I can smell Quatre’s cinnamon buns from here. Come on, let’s sneak some before lunch,” he said, ginning and rolling out of the bed. And that, unfortunately, signaled the end of our peaceful time together, but at least he didn’t reveal any more of my darkest fears that day.

On the other hand, Master had given me more than enough to engage my mind and force me to look at my actions and emotions critically. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what Master had told me not to do. But how would I know what my heart was telling me if I didn’t think about it?

I was quiet through lunch, although I doubt anyone other than Duo really noticed, and Duo only because of his never-ending antics, which I was unable to keep up with on that particular day.

“Jeeze, ‘Ro, what’s been up with you? You didn’t even roll your eyes when I slurped my noodles and managed to get tomato sauce in my eye.”

“Hn.”

“Yeah, that’s kind of the attitude I’m talking about.”

“Sorry. I guess I’m just thinking too hard,” I told him, then tried to smile so he wouldn’t worry. “Come on, I’ll help you with your math homework.”

“Gee Heero, you really know how to show a guy a good time,” Duo said sarcastically, smirking at me as we entered our room. “But, seriously, don’t worry so much, you know? Everything will turn out fine. Trust me,” Duo said, and he sounded so convinced that I stopped walking just to stare at him.

“Do you really think so?” I found myself wondering.

“Well… yeah. I mean, you always manage to fix everything. And… even if you can’t… I still think everything will be fine. When I’m around you I always seem to feel like I can do anything, like we can make everything be okay. And even if everything isn’t okay in the future, everything’s so great right now that that’s okay too. I don’t care what happens later, just as long as we’re together now. So… don’t worry. It’s all cool,” he said, grinning at me without a care in the world. And, I realized suddenly, that he was right. Everything did feel easier when we were together. Everything seemed to fit better when I was around him, like the problems of the world were being melted away. Without even thinking about it, I had managed to put my faith in Duo, that we’d find a way to be together.

Was that what my heart was telling me? Was that the way it spoke?

“If all you ever do is worry, you’ll end up missing all the fun, and not having fun is what you’re worried about anyway, right?” Duo said, and I realized that I was frowning with concentration. “Sometimes you just have to relax and take a chance.”

“You know, Duo, I think you’re right for once.”

“Eh… really? Cool. So what are you… Shit!”

“What’s the matter?” I asked slyly as I pinned Duo to where I’d pushed him to the bed. “I thought you loved spontaneity?”

“Well… yeah, but I didn’t think you were spontin- spanti-… I thought you were really predictable. What happened?”

“Everybody keeps telling me to take chances. So I’m taking a risk. I thought you’d be pleased,” I said, stroking down Duo’s cheek to where it met with his jaw. His skin was warm and soft beneath my fingers, and I wanted to lean down and lick it to see how it tasted, but I wasn’t quite certain how Duo would react.

“I am pleased… I guess,” he said uncertainly, but her certainly didn’t sound pleased. “I just… you’re not just doing this because Zechs told you to, are you? Because I really like you, so…”

“Master didn’t tell me to sleep with you, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“So why are you doing it?”

“Because… I think I love you.”

162 Duo


I should have called him an idiot. Should have called him stupid, thrown him off me, and stormed out of the room. Falling in love was dangerous for a slave, and damn near a death warrant to fall in love with another slave. And if he was reckless enough to say it out loud, he was reckless enough to get into trouble.

But so was I, and one thing I had never been was a liar. And if I was telling the truth, I had to admit that I had been falling in love with for a long time now, and the only thing that had kept me from falling head over heels was the fact that I had no real idea of how Heero felt about me. Now that he had confessed his feelings, I was totally sure that I was one hundred percent in love with Heero. So I grinned at him.

“That’s a very rebellious thing of you to say, Heero,” I teased, putting my hands on his thighs, which were resting on either side of my chest.

“You’re wearing off on me,” he said, smirking. I had to laugh, and then, just because I knew how much it sucked not to know how someone feels about you, I told him how I felt.

“You know I can’t help but fall for you. Hell, you’ve saved my ass more times than I can count, and you keep a good eye on it in between. And even though you glare at me too much and you ruin most of my fun, I love you anyway. Hell, maybe I love you because of it.”

“Good,” Heero said with that cool, aggravating smirk of his that said something between “I knew it all along” and “I wasn’t worried at all.” Prick. I readied a sharp retort, but Heero covered my lips before I could give it, probably more to keep me quiet than anything. Still, he was good at this, with his mouth that was demanding without being harsh and his hands that were never still, always roaming over my body like they were searching for something. And if they were searching for something, they found it when they touched my nipples, because I arched instantly and let out a gasp, then blushed at my own reaction. Heero was smirking at me and I glared up at him.

“There’s only one of us that’s been celibate this whole time, buddy, so excuse me if I’m a little excited.”

“Over-excited, you mean? Yes, I can see how you might have some trouble controlling yourself in this situation.”

“Hey, shut up! I’m doing just fine with-… Holy shit!”

And then there were no more words, because Heero was tired of playing games and had taken one of my nipples into his mouth while the other was teased and rolled by his other hand. And just when I thought I couldn’t take any more, he’d pull back for just a second, switch targets, and begin again. By the time he tired enough to stop for a moment, I’d been reduced to a gurgling puddle of nerves.

But I wasn’t going to let Heero have all the fun, so as soon as I managed to get my wits about me again I flipped us over, putting him on the bottom while I pinned him to the bed. And it was my turn to torment him, but I refused to use his tricks to my ends, so I chose another skill that I excelled at.

“Fuck, Duo!” Heero gasped as I tore open his jeans and swallowed his cock in one fell swoop. I smiled around him as he writhed on the bed, fisting his hands in the sheets and rubbing his legs on the mattress. I pulled back, bobbed my head once, quickly, and then pulled back so I could lick the head of his cock, pressing my tongue into his slit and listening to him gasp and whine.

It was amazing to finally have him under me. To finally be giving something back to him, to finally feel like I was a second half to his whole instead of the luggage he was carting around, was probably more gratifying than the fact that I was finally getting some. I wanted to draw it out forever, because this was the first time that it really, truly seemed like Heero needed me. Me. No one else, not one of the other slaves, not Master, me. Heero loved me.

Unfortunately, it had been a while since either of us had managed to screw something, and I could tell that this was going to be hot and heavy, but depressingly short-lived. But… there were tomorrows around here, and I knew what (and who) I wanted to do with mine.

Heero was already hot and perspiring under my hands, and I could taste the bitter saltiness of precum in my mouth. I contemplated taking him over the edge right there, letting him come in hot, thick spurts my mouth while I grinned like the Cheshire cat and ate all the cream I could get. If I took him the whole way in and swallowed while I rubbed his balls, I was fairly certain he’d have no choice but to shoot himself into my mouth. I was, after all, a champion at this skill, and I could even keep him going for several minutes if I rubbed the right spots, milking his body for every drop I could get.

But then, I’d have to wait a while for him to come out of his stupor (which I was totally sure I would put him into) before he could do anything to alleviate my need. Otherwise I’d be left jerking myself off, which wouldn’t be too hard when staring at a walking wet-dream like Heero, but I was really getting tired of being my own lover, if you know what I mean.

So I pulled off Heero, who was making the sexiest damn noises beneath me, and started pulling off his clothes while he was still too preoccupied with “what the hell?” to figure out what I was doing. His pants were already most of the way off, so it only took a second to take them the rest of the way and toss them on the floor. His shirt was a flimsy little tanktop, and I had a powerful urge to rip it in two, but I figured Heero’d be pretty pissed, so I abstained. By the time I started to pull the tanktop off, Heero had recovered himself enough to at least raise his arms to help me, although I’m still not sure he knew exactly what was happening.

Do I even need to describe what he looked like? He was a skinny, Japanese Adonis with penetrating blue eyes, abs like steel bars, and a rock hard cock that was jutting deliciously in my direction. Looking down on him, with his chest heaving and a thin layer of sweat making his hot body glisten, I thought I would orgasm right there. His eyes, as serious and intense as ever, were half lidded and staring at me with such lust that it felt like he was fucking my soul.

But it wasn’t like fucking, or even like any sex I’d had before. It was soft and gentle, but strong and demanding all at once. It was the heat outside me, but it was also the warmth inside me. It was stable and erratic and reckless and careful and just so damn overwhelming that I though I could cry. But I didn’t want to cry, I wanted to laugh. It was warm and safe and happy and I just wanted to curl up in it and never leave.

It was like I was inside him, and he was inside me, and we weren’t even touching yet. It was awesome. It was… love.

I must have jumped out of my clothes, because the next thing I knew they were casually drifting down to the floor, and I was staring at Heero like a ravenous wolf stares at a three-legged bunny with a sexy ass. There was so much heat being exchanged between us that I just couldn’t control myself, I wanted to finally be in him so badly.

Unfortunately, Heero was giving me the same look, and didn’t seem at all interested in being the bunny for my wolf. As I climbed on top of him, he gave me a dark glare and my mind quietly gave me the image of my poor, three-legged little bunny magically morphing into a giant grizzly bear. I kissed him deeply, trying to put that mental picture out of my mind while I tried to get Heero to open his legs. He wasn’t having it.

“Who says I’m going to bottom?” Heero asked in a very deep, grizzly-ish voice.

“Aw, come on ‘Ro, you’ve got the perfect ass to be an uke. Pretty please?”

“Get off of me.”

“Shit,” I cursed, then sighed and backed up. “Look, ‘Ro, I love you and all, but if you’re not willing to bottom this time we’re just going to have to wait on sex.”

“Why?” he asked, his voice deepening almost to a growl. “Are you expecting to always be given the top? Or that this changes anything? Because if…”

“That’s not it at all. Look, this is kind of embarrassing, but do you know who the last guy that fucked me is?”

“No.”

“Well neither do I. I’m not saying you’d always have to be the bottom. I’m just saying… it hasn’t been that long since… you know. I haven’t been with you guys all that long, and sex was hell for me before that. I just don’t want to start right in again with being a bottom, okay? If I freak out I could really hurt you.”

For a long time Heero just stared at me. Maybe he thought I was being a wuss, or maybe he thought I was just making it up to get the top position. But, really, I knew what it felt like to have a flashback, and if it happened while Heero was screwing me I wasn’t sure I could control myself. The last thing I wanted was to mess up our first time together by going nuts, or even to risk hurting Heero if I couldn’t control my impulses. I loved Heero, and I trusted him with everything, so I was sure I’d be able to let him top me sooner or later, but it just felt like too big of a risk on the first time. And, apparently, Heero accepted that logic.

“Affirmative,” he said to me after several minutes, then lay back down and pulled me on top of him. “But this will not be a permanent arrangement.”

There were a ton of other things I wanted to do to Heero, but we were both hot, heavy, and way past ready for some release. I went for the throat, leaving little love-bites all over Heero’s neck while I gave him my fingers to suck on. He nibbled at them a bit, erotically enough for me to moan, but mainly he got them nice and slick with saliva, so when I pulled them out I could put them right between his legs to open him and prepare him for our coupling. He was hot inside, loose enough that I wasn’t worried about tearing him but still tight enough to need a little bit of coaxing to open up. Still, I knew Heero well, and you couldn’t use little gestures to coax a bull like him, so after gently wiggling two fingers into his hot body I rammed them in as deep as I could reach and mercilessly rubbed at his prostrate. Heero gave a shout of surprise and pleasure, arching toward my hand and grabbing onto my shoulders with a vice-like grip. His ankles locked behind my back and he spread his knees, opening his body as far as it would go and I took the opportunity to press my fingers even deeper, teasing him by rubbing his spot more gently than before.

That was a mistake. Before I knew what was happening, Heero had hoisted himself off the bed, so that he was now supported entirely by the ankles around my waist and his arms around my neck, and began pushing himself up and down on my fingers. It was so damn erotic, because on the upswing he went high enough that his engorged dick came tantalizingly close to my lips, and when he slammed down I got a prime view of his face twisted in lust and pleasure.

Too bad Heero’s so damn heavy and his thrusts are so damn strong, because on about his third round I just couldn’t maintain my balance anymore and ended up falling backwards, though I managed to spin us around so that I landed on bottom and we both landed on the bed. Heero wasn’t at all fazed by this occurrence (actually I’m not even sure he noticed) because all it meant for him was that it was a lot easier to get himself on and off my fingers, and his thrusts sped up accordingly. It was a cue for me, however, and I finally pulled my fingers away from Heero (who was nearly distraught with their loss) and prepared to replace it with my cock. I grabbed some lubricant out of the nightstand and quickly coated my dick, then tried to move Heero into position to accept me. Once Heero realized my intention he hurried to help, lifting himself up in my lap so that I could press the head of my cock to his opening.

And that was the point where we both froze and just stared at each other. It seemed silly, really, for two slaves who’d had sex with hundreds of men and would probably have sex with hundreds more to be making so much fuss over one sexual encounter. It was ridiculous, but that was totally how it was, and I could tell that Heero could feel the enormity of this act just as much as I could. This was… forever. It was a promise that we would stay together no matter what else happened. It was more than we’d ever had before, and more than we’d ever dared to dream of.

I don’t know which of us leaned forward first, or if it happened simultaneously, but in the next moment our lips met and we were kissing with all the heat and passion that our eyes had just exchanged. There was something new to our motions after that, something more gentle and less rushed. We were still caught up in the heat of the moment, certainly, but it was like we each realized that we would do this a million times more, so there was no point in hurrying this one past just to start the next one. Heero placed his hand on my cheek as he began to press down, our lips still locked as I began to enter him. He gasped and pulled back, but his hand remained on my cheek as the head of my dick entered him. I wrapped my arms around him, rubbing his back as I felt myself slide deeper into his heat, until I was fully seated and Heero was panting against my chest, his head resting on my shoulder. I gave him a few moments to catch his breath before rolling my hips. It made Heero gasp, and I repeated the gesture only to have him began to jerk frantically up and down, trying frantically to get the friction that would send him over the edge that he was so temptingly close to.

Which was fine with me, because I was so hard I was afraid I was going to accidentally stab Heero, and I was fairly certain that if I didn’t get release soon I’d just go insane. So, completely lacking the will-power to torment Heero anymore, I flipped our positions, pulled back until only the tip was still inside him, and rammed my cock into him so hard I thought the rest of me might accidentally be sucked inside. Heero screamed with pleasure and it sent me over the edge. I started thrusting into him with a wildly pounding rhythm and he rose up to meet every thrust, shouting inarticulately all the while. I could feel my climax building, so I reached under Heero and jerked him off, hoping he’d reach his climax before mine hit. Instead, they hit at almost the same exact time, and Heero started climaxing all over the bed just as I was shooting my seed into his ass.

By the end, we were just a pair of wet, slimy, gasping, boneless forms toppled together on a wet mattress and some ruined sheets, but I was more satisfied than I’d been in years, and I didn’t hear any complaints from Heero (which must have meant that Heero was insanely satisfied, because he complains about everything).

It took about ten minutes for me to get the energy to pull out of Heero and flop myself beside him instead of on him. It took another fifteen minutes for either of us to get uncomfortable enough on Heero’s bed to clean up, which included a quick shower for us both and the removal of Heero’s sheets, although the bed was still pretty much unusable for the time being. I must have really worn Heero out, though, because he let me get away with tossing the sheets from his bed into the corner and enticing him to lay down on my bed for another nap.

But, when we got on the bed, Heero seemed to be the only one who really wanted to sleep. I was just so happy and so satisfied that all I wanted to do was rub myself on Heero like a cat or something. We curled together on the bed, with Heero’s eyes firmly shut and mine taking in the way his face looked while he tried to sleep and how his hair moved when I ran my hands through it.

“Why did you ask me to sleep with you if you had no intention of sleeping?” Heero asked, but he only had the energy to get mildly annoyed with me, so I just smiled at him.

“Because otherwise you would have gone to do something else and I wouldn’t be able to spend any more time with you.”

“I would have gone to do something productive, yes. You spend every day with me, baka.”

“Yeah, but I just want to be around you all the time. And, man, where’d you learn sex like that?” I asked him, joking and trying to lighten the mood so Heero wouldn’t be so annoyed with me. I had to hope he wasn’t always this grumpy after sex, but then Heero was this grumpy almost all the time. Still, instead of joking back with me, Heero contemplated my question seriously, which kind of defeated the purpose.

“Master taught me,” Heero said after a few minutes. His voice was quiet, like he already knew I was going to be upset. Which I was, because Zechs was the last person I wanted to hear about after such mind-blowing sex. Anyway, I must have tensed or something, because Heero turned to me and said, “Don’t get mad. It’s the truth. I would have clinically and technically fucked you if Master hadn’t shown me something different.”

“Oh yeah? And what did he show you that you couldn’t have learned from all the other people you’ve fucked over the years?” I snapped. I didn’t want to fight about this, but if we were going to fight about it I wanted Heero to get mad and storm off or just glare and go quiet. I didn’t want to listen to Heero talk about things that I was starting to think might be true. Unfortunately, Heero just wasn’t taking my bait, and instead pulled me into a tighter embrace.

“He taught me how to make love,” Heero whispered into my ear.

“No, I taught you how to make love, asshole,” I growled. “If you love him you shouldn’t have slept with me.”

“I do love him,” Heero said, sitting up so that he could look me in the eyes. “but I don’t love him like I love you. I love Master like I love Quatre and Trowa and Wufei, but I’m in love with you. I wanted to spend the rest of my life being with you and having sex with you. You need me, and I need to be needed by you. But I do love Master, and if it hadn’t been for Master I wouldn’t be able to love now. So don’t be so hard on him. You may not like Master, but we owe a lot to him. Without him, neither of us would be here,” he said, then lay back down.

I hated it, but I knew he was right. We both owed our happiness to Zechs, because I don’t think either of us would have been able to accept love without his help and support. Even now if Zechs had really wanted to make it impossible for us to be together he probably could. He could, but he didn’t, and there had to be something to a master like that, right? So… maybe I should give him a chance.

But I wasn’t about to admit that to Heero.

“Man, ‘Ro, I liked you better when you were asleep.”