Cost of a Secret

A/N: Sorry for the delay everyone. Now that I'm able to focus back on this, I'm going to aim for regular updates. :)

Chapter 11

The Office

Ed stared up at the front doors of Central Headquarters. Nearly a week since he’d last seen Roy, he had to turn in his report to the older man. The problem was, he didn’t want to. Didn’t want to see him, didn’t want Roy to be his commanding officer, didn’t want to be here today.

Of course, for Ed, there was no backing out of the military. Roy had told him as much, as did countless others that for the state alchemists, particularly the brilliant ones, there was no real escaping the military. As Ed was a prodigy, a known one, there wasn’t any chance that he would be faking sudden ineptitude any time soon, and any effort to leave on his part would have taken years, most likely.

With a frown, he closed his eyes and shook his head. He had faced down homunculi, crazy alchemists, gun-wielding nut-jobs. He could handle Roy Mustang, if for no other reason than because he had to.

To his surprise, he found a familiar face grinning at him from the doorway. Havoc was holding the door open for him. “How long, exactly, are you planning on standing out here?”

Ed looked up at Havoc and rolled his eyes. “I was getting up the courage to come in. How’d you know I was up here at all?”

Havoc pointed up to a large window, where Ed swore he saw a flash of blue and black disappearing from it. “Damn. Forgot the bastard’s window was there.”

Havoc walked down to the steps and put an arm around Ed. “You’ve been staying out of your office all week and are due a report to the major general.”

Ed frowned and let himself be led into the building by the older blond. “I don’t want to see him,” he said, feeling like a petulant child. “But I don’t have any choice.”

“No, you don’t. Riza and I have already checked that.”

Ed huffed and nodded. Heading up to the stairs and through the front door, he walked with Havoc, who still had his arm around him as though afraid Ed might bolt and run.

To say that it was embarrassing to walk through headquarters guided by Havoc like he was a little kid, and he certainly felt like one at the moment, was an understatement.

Riza’s understanding and yet penetrating glare did not help matters either.

“Okay, enough. I’m in here. I’m not going to back out,” Ed said. He wriggled free of Havoc’s grasp and headed for Roy’s office, well ahead of Havoc or anyone else. He was surprised to see a small figure sitting at Riza’s desk, looking up at him with a smile, but not daring to say anything. He was very different from his father.

“Hey, Liam,” Ed said, going over to the desk. He saw Havoc giving him a look that obviously said he suspected Ed was stalling, and maybe he was, but he wasn’t going to ignore the kid. After all, it wasn’t Liam’s fault that his father kept him a secret. No more than it was his fault that Roy hadn’t really been a big part of his life either.

“Hi, Ed,” Liam said, looking serious.

“I’m surprised to see you here, kid,” Ed said.

“It was a half-day of school and Mrs. Hughes couldn’t watch me today. Elysia had a dentist’s appointment,” Liam said. “So dad’s letting me come to the office. Just wish there was more to do.”

“Well, luckily it’s only for one day,” Ed said, noticing that while Liam talked freely, his attitude still seemed somber. “You okay?”

“Well, Dad said you were the one who found Ed,” the dark-haired boy said. Aside from the freckles and brown eyes, he was Roy’s spitting image, and that hurt a bit, but Ed did his very best not to let it show.

“My brother did, actually,” Ed said. “Your dad and I competed so that he would keep him. Your dad got him, so he’s all yours.”

“But, there was one girl in school talking about how her parents lost their dog because they didn’t take good care of it, the place they got it took him back.”

“Ed the cat looked fine to me,” Ed the alchemist said. “Besides, I gave him to your dad, and your dad gave him to you, so if anyone takes him, it would be your dad, and you’re kind of living with him, aren’t you?”

Liam nodded and seemed to grasp Ed’s circular logic.

“You see, even if your dad took him back, he’d still be at the house with you,” Ed said with a smile. “Besides, I think the other Ed likes you a lot.”

The boy seemed a little more confident at that, and looked back down at his drawings, one that was definitely the orange furball that Ed could only hope was covering all of Roy’s uniforms in hair. “Are you going to visit my dad?”

Ed schooled a smile on his face. “Yes, I am. I guess I should be heading in there soon.”

“You don’t want to?” the boy asked, his entire expression open and searching. With a desire to wince at it, Ed remembered that look. He remembered it more from Al’s face, and he supposed there were times he’d worn it as well. It was the expression of a child who didn’t know his father, not really, and was seeking every last tidbit of information to fill in the gaps.

“Lots of paperwork,” Ed said with a smile. “About like homework. I have to take it in to your dad to check over it all.”

The boy nodded. He obviously got Ed’s message, and the young man was grateful. He didn’t want the kid terrified of his own father because Ed just didn’t want to face him.

“Guess I should go in now,” Ed said. “No point in delaying it.”

“Well, I hope you get a good grade,” Liam said. “Or whatever it is you get in the military.”

Ed grinned. “Thanks kid.”

********

When the doorknob turned and Ed came through, quickly shutting the door, Roy couldn’t help but feel his insides clench. Last week when he’d been trying to settle everything with Liam, he’d been able to push all of those feelings aside. Now, seeing Ed here, seeing Ed look like he wanted to be anywhere but, it just about killed the older man.

“You’ve got a good kid,” Ed said, walking to the desk and slapping a handful of folders down on it. “Shame I didn’t get to know him like the rest of the team.”

“This isn’t about personal issues, Fullmetal,” Roy ground out. If it was, the green monster currently driving the major general nuts would have been questioning Ed what the little display was outside with Havoc. He knew he didn’t deserve to ask such questions, but really, he had to wonder if Ed had managed to replace him that fast.

Ed shrugged, and it killed Roy to see him look this defeated. “Whatever.” The blond put his hands in the pockets of the uniform he was forced to wear as any other member of the military. “Just so you know, I looked to see if I could get a transfer. I can’t, but I had Hawkeye look into it for me.”

“I could have told you that you couldn’t.”

“Yeah, well, I probably wouldn’t have believed it coming from you, would I?” Ed asked. His golden eyes held Roy’s dark ones at a level gaze. “But yeah, since you’re over all state alchemists, and they’re not likely to put me as an enlisted man, I’m stuck. Apparently, the military doesn’t give a damn if you break up with your superior officer because they don’t really condone you dating him.”

Ed didn’t move to the sofa, which he would have done just a few weeks ago. He’d have made himself comfortable while Roy read over his reports on research progress, making witty comebacks to Roy’s commentary on the reports or Ed’s chickenscratch handwriting. Instead, he stood at the edge of Roy’s desk, painfully close and waited like the good and obedient soldier Roy knew Ed wasn’t.

“So why tell me this?”

“Because I wanted you to know that I did, so that some higher-up general didn’t rub it in your face,” Ed said. “Because I didn’t want you getting angry at Hawkeye for helping me.”

Really, Roy couldn’t have been angry at her, not entirely because he knew she’d help to do whatever she could for the young man. After all, Roy had instilled that in all of his team from the moment Ed became officially a state alchemist, even a bit before then. Well, most of Roy’s mind was remembering this. The rest of him was to busy feeling betrayed by his team.

Rather than acknowledge any of that, Roy focused instead on the documents Ed had presented him with. In all truthfulness, Ed’s work heading up research for the military was always done well, though the older man had teased him often, back when he had the right to do so.

“Everything looks in order,” Roy said.

Ed raised an eyebrow. It was a near-perfect imitation of Roy’s own expression and looked strange on the blond. Of course Roy knew he’d picked up a few habits and expressions of Ed’s as well. Thanks to a few arguments with Ed—the kind that they sometimes picked just for the make up and/or angry sex—he found that sometimes when he would argue with someone else, he would gesture with his hands in a way he never did before his relationship with the younger man.

“No comments about my handwriting? No comments on the fact that I approved duplicate water purification projects?”

Roy shook his head. For important things, he knew Ed liked to approve as many requests as he got. That tended to ensure that one if not two different research plans like the water projects would get completed in record time.

“Nothing at all then?”

Roy wanted to tell him the thousands of things that he wanted to say, the apologies that didn’t really matter, the confession that he did love Ed, anything to fix this, but nothing came out. Instead, he set the folders down on the desk and pushed them toward the blond. He couldn’t imagine how it looked to Ed, but he knew that he just couldn’t bear even the briefest brush of their hands like this.

“Okay,” Ed said. “Well then. I’ll be in my office.”

As the young man said it, he scooped the remaining folders off Roy’s desk. Very quickly, he was turned and walking out.

********

Ed managed a smile at Liam as he left.

“Was it bad?” Liam asked and Ed shook his head, not trusting his voice at the moment. Roy hadn’t even wanted to give him his folders. He’d all but shoved them at him. He’d had nothing to say, nothing good, not even the usual nitpicks. Roy didn’t want to be around him any more than Ed had, or at least thought he had.

Ed waved a goodbye to the kid and headed to his office. He was nearly there when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“You okay?” Havoc asked. Ed only shrugged. The hand became an arm that wrapped around his smaller shoulders and Ed did his best not to break down, not because he feared crying, which would just be embarrassing. Ed didn’t cry often, and instead, he tended to lash out. It was that reaction that he feared more so than bawling. He knew he was more likely to hit something, probably a wall, and with his automail hand. It would make him look like a lunatic.

The last thing he needed was for someone to say he was unstable. His break up with Roy was already office gossip. He certainly didn’t need people to have an outburst to add to the existing talk about them both.

“Havoc,” Ed said, “do you think you could ask Roy if he’d mind Al watching the kid for a while. Liam looks bored to death.”

“You really want to do that?” Havoc asked. “I mean, that’s kind of surprising… considering.”

Ed shrugged. “Al’s been looking for something to do, and the kid can’t help it that his dad is who he is.”

“I’m going to give Al a phone call,” Ed said.

Havoc turned and walked away. Ed couldn’t begin to admit how much he appreciated how understanding the older man had been, how they had all been, really. At some point or another, one of the team had come to visit him, to see how he was doing and entertain him for the night. He appreciated the thought, even if Shezka and Fuery’s visit had been a bit sickening. New relationships being what they were, the two of them could be a bit lovey-dovey.

Havoc just seemed to be the constant presence.

Ed walked into his office, frowning when he saw the small stack of papers on top of it. He’d seen worse on Roy’s desk, but he knew this would take time.

First things first, Ed walked to his desk and picked up the phone, dialing Havoc’s—and now his as well—apartment. It rang a few times, and Ed figured his brother was probably debating on whether he should pick up the phone. He was grateful that Al decided to answer it.

“Hello?” Al asked.

“Al? Are you still looking for something to do today?”

“I wouldn’t mind. Did you need help at the office? Did everything go okay with… you know?”

“It went okay,” Ed said. “But the kid’s here and looks bored to death. I didn’t know if you’d be willing to entertain him for a day. He’s got an old friend of yours you might be interested in seeing. Remember the cat that was part of my competition with Mustang?”

There was a long pause. “You’re doing a favor for the major general?”

“I’m doing a favor for the kid,” he said. “I get the feeling something is up with him. I get a sort of unsettling feeling about him. He looks sad.”

“Well, it seems like there were some things that went wrong with his mom, so that would be understandable.”

“Yeah, but he shouldn’t be left alone.”

“I’ll be over. The major general is okay with this?”

“Havoc’s asking him now if he would be. I just wanted to make sure that you were okay with it too.”

“Yeah,” Al said. “I wouldn’t mind. It’d just be for a few hours right? Doo you think you’ll be able to come along or something?”

“I don’t think so,” Ed told him. “The state alchemist exam is coming up soon, and I’m rewriting a portion of the main part of the exam. Not to mention, I have a bout twenty or so different applications for new research.”

“Right. The exam.” Ed heard the hurt in Al’s voice, but he didn’t and wouldn’t acknowledge it. Not now. He owed Al an explanation, but it was just so easy to delay it.

“I appreciate it, Al.”

“You know, I know you don’t like to show it as much, the way you always picked on me for being too soft on people, but I don’t think you and I are so different, Brother.”

If only he knew, Ed thought.

“I’ll see you when you get here, okay Al?”

“Okay, Brother.”

********

Roy had gone out to check on Liam shortly after Ed left. He’d no sooner stepped out of his door than he saw Ed and Havoc walking down the hall. Again, havoc had his arm around the smaller-framed man. It could have been a simple act of friendship. Of all of his team, Havoc was the most likely to seek out some physical contact from his friends. However, Roy felt there was more to it. He knew logically it could have been his mind sabotaging himself and that there was nothing to it. There were any number of reasons why he would actually want to believe what it would seem he shouldn’t want to. Perhaps because it was easier to think the hadn’t hurt Ed so badly that he couldn’t find someone again, or that Roy deserved to see that he was right all along, that really, he hadn’t been al that special to the younger man, easily replaced. Either way, his mind was filling in the blanks and decided that the first lieutenant and the lieutenant colonel might have a blossoming romance.

“Dad?” Liam asked, pulling Roy from his thoughts. It made him feel a bit sheepish that he’d allowed his thoughts on Ed to distract him from his son. Liam was far more important than his own failed romance.

“Hmm?” the older man asked, turning his attention to his son, his expression softening.

“Did Ed get you mad?” Liam asked.

“No. Not at all,” Roy said, resting his hand on Liam’s shoulder, taking note of the faintest flinch when he did. “Why would you say that??”

“You were glaring,” Liam told him.

“I didn’t realize,” Roy said. He looked down at the drawing on his son’s desk. It was of both Eds. “This is very good.”

“I thought Ed might like it,” Liam said with a shrug.

“I’m sure he will. I think he was really surprised to see how well you were taking care of Ed the cat,” Roy said. “He didn’t even know someone had taken it in.” Liam smiled, but the smile looked so sad that Roy couldn’t help but take his boy into his arms. He held his son for a few minutes, just letting the boy’s cheek rest against his shoulder. “You really did take good care of Ed. If you didn’t he wouldn’t love you so much.”

Liam sniffled and nodded. “Mom didn’t like Ed much.”

“Well, I like Ed, even if he doesn’t like me much,” Roy said.

“Dad? If I have to go back to mom’s, will you take care of Ed?” Liam asked, pulling back from their hug to look Roy in the eyes. “Please?”

“Liam, I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure you never have to go back there again. Either of you.”

“But if I—”

“No, Liam. As far as I’m concerned, this is your home now. With me. Okay, buddy?”

Liam gave a faint nod as a throat could be heard clearing. Roy looked up to see Havoc standing, looking as though he’d been there a moment or two.

“Sir, the lieutenant colonel wondered if you would want Al to drop by and maybe watch over Liam for a bit. Maybe Liam could introduce Al to Ed, since Al was the one who rescued him in the first place.” Roy had to admit that the offer surprised him just a bit, and it took a moment for his mind to understand that Ed held no grudges against Liam, at the very least.

Seeing the questioning look from the little boy, Roy explained, “Al is Ed’s younger brother. He rescued your cat and Ed made him his bed when he knew they couldn’t keep it. Ed also made the bet with me so that I could give him to you.”

“Is he nice?” Liam asked.

“Very,” Roy said. “Would you like to have him take you out for a bit? Get you out of the office?”

“I… I like being here with you, but…”

“It’s kind of boring right?” Roy asked with a smile, receiving a nod in return. “Then you go ahead with Al. I think you’ll have a good time with him. He’s an alchemist too, and he loves animals.”

Liam smiled and Roy looked up at Havoc. “Tell Ed thank you for offering his brother’s services.”

Havoc nodded. “Well, you know the boss. Tries to fix whatever he thinks is worth fixing, even a kid who is stuck at a desk all day.” He smiled at Liam, but not before giving Roy a very serious look.

Roy decided that it was now or never that he either confirmed or refuted his own thoughts on the relationship between Havoc and Ed. Watching as Havoc started to turn, heading back to Ed’s office, he said. “Lieutenant,” he said, watching as Havoc turned his head to look back at him, “be good to him.”

There was a moment of confusion on Havoc’s face, even mild surprise, and Roy just waited, hoped, for the man to deny what Roy suspected. Maybe even get angry. Instead, he just shook his head as though highly disappointed in the older man.

“Don’t worry. I will.”

Roy ignored the feeling of the floor opening up beneath him and just stared after Havoc. Liam in the meantime began gathering up his coloring.