To Understand Love

Disclaimer: Dragonball Z and its characters are the property of Toriyama, Akira and I make no profit through writing this work of fiction.

Chapter 12

June…

A soft moan and a warm hand touching the bare skin of my chest…

Semi-wet lips softly caressing my face and neck….

The tickle of breath against my throat, sending a shock of desire to my groin…

I know in a few minutes Shinji will be stripped out of his own clothing, and a few minutes after that we’ll be in my bedroom doing what we’ve been doing on a regular basis for the last two months. Never mind that every time I sleep with him, I think of Trunks. Never mind that every time I let him touch me, I feel another layer guilt added to the others that have built over my lifetime for not living up to other’s expectations, and for trying to convince myself that I’m only human and Kami will understand.

Yet…

I push down my swirling guilt and let him kiss me, touch me, and arouse me as I lean my back against my kitchen counter, forgetting the half prepared meal we’d started to make ten minutes earlier.

All it had taken was one smoldering look from his deep violet eyes. I wonder why, in all the years that I’ve been alive, I’m so easily tricked into participating in sexual acts with this particular person. I sometimes think he’s put a spell on me, even though I know that such a thought is ridiculous. I’m just trying to find an excuse when the truth is, I like being in control, and having sex with Shinji lets me be in the driver’s seat for once in my life.

“Goten, let’s….” he whispers low in my ear before licking the shell of it with his slick tongue. I shiver at the contact, knowing exactly what he wants and where he wants to go. Grasping his forearms with my hands, I pull his body even closer to mine. I want to kiss him before dragging him to my room, but that plan is suddenly interrupted with a sharp bang as the door suddenly bursts open. I only have a moment to push Shinji away in order to face whoever suddenly decided to burst into my apartment unannounced and uninvited.

Feeling my adrenaline surge, I let my body start to accumulate ki energy before I realize who it is that’s standing in my doorway, their eyes gaping.

“Go…Goten…”

Fuck.

Giving Shinji a helpless glance, I watch as he shrugs slightly before coming over to give me a kiss on the cheek and a quick whisper in my ear.

“Give me a call later.”

With that, he bows slightly to my uninvited guest before stepping around them to leave.

Letting out a breath of both sexual and emotional frustration, I run my fingers through my hair before confronting Gohan, who has a shocked look on his face mixed with the beginning signs of anger.

“Wha…what the hell was that? Or maybe the question should be, who the hell was that?” he asks, his eyes wide and his brows drown together as he tries to put the pieces of the puzzle together.

Dropping my hands to my side, I let my built up ki dissipate as I try to will away the painful and obvious arousal in my pants. Realizing that thinking about it isn’t going to make it go away, I glance in Gohan’s direction and his shocked face before giving him an explanation of sorts.

“What do you think it was? You’ve got Videl and you’re an adult, so figure it out. And next time when you know I’m home, at least ring the doorbell. I can’t guarantee we’ll both have our clothes on if you ever try to burst in again.”

With that said, I turn inside my kitchen and decide to fry the hamburgers Shinji and I were going to make before things became heated and well before Gohan decided to pop in unexpectedly. I can see that he’s even angrier with my explanation, his eyebrows scrunched together and his mouth set in an angry slash, but what does he expect? I might be his kid brother, but I’m not some greenhorn, either.

I suppose in his defense, I haven’t told any of my family about Shinji. In fact, I haven’t even told them I’m gay because…I don’t want to feel rejected or have to deal with the angry and insulting comments I know I would get from my mother and god knows who else. Still…the reasons run even deeper than that. If my acquaintances would know about Shinji, then it would also show them how deep Trunks and my separation has become, and even I have continued to cling to the hope that someday, things will be fixed between the two of us. Someday…

However, I can tell that Gohan won’t let what he saw go until gets a good and thorough explanation, whether or not I’m in the mood to give him one. I throw a beef patty into the frying pan and listen to it sizzle while at the same time, I tune into Gohan as he closes the front door and makes his way inside my small kitchen.

“That’s all you’ve got to say about that, Goten? Look…I know what I saw, but with another man? What are you thinking? Do you know how dangerous that is? How long has this been going on? And what would Trunks do if he knew you were…were slobbering over some other guy’s face?”

Turning the stove off, I pivot around and glare at Gohan.

“Are you seriously disgusted, Gohan? Does it freak you out that your little brother is gay? Well, get used to it because I am and that isn’t going to change, whether or not Trunks is in the picture. And give me a little credit in the brains department. I know the risks, and I know my partner. There’s nothing for you to be worried about, except, I suppose, that your brother’s a fag.”

I cross my arms and give him a defiant look, as if daring him to condemn me for my apparent perversion. I half expect him to scoff or go off on some sort of self-righteous speech. What I don’t really expect is for him to close the distance between us, pull back his fist and…

Crunch…

His fist connects squarely with my jaw with enough force that my head snaps to the side, and my upper torso smashes on top of my kitchen counter. My head narrowly misses crashing against the upper cupboard doors. I can see stars swimming across by vision, and I blink hazily, having not been prepared for the blow. I don’t have time to react before Gohan grabs my shirtfront and pulls me up and off of the countertop, so that we are face to face. And then, he pulls me into a bone-crushing hug.

I squirm uncomfortably against him, confused by his apparent change in behavior. I think he senses my tension, so he lets me go. Backing away uncertainly, I rub my sore jaw and rest my hip against the counter.

“What the hell was that for?” I ask warily.

“Don’t get me wrong,” he states. “I am still angry with you. Okay, so you’re gay. I’ve half suspected that for a while, but it’s your business and if you weren’t ready to confront the family about your…your preferences, well, that’s your decision to make. However, I guess when you start seeing somebody without even mentioning the fact, that infuriates me. What the hell are you afraid of? What about the feelings of the other person involved? Don’t you think that other person feels uncomfortable over the fact that you don’t have the guts to tell your family about your relationship? If I was him, I’d want to clobber you.”

I stiffen slightly, ready to defend myself against Gohan’s accusations, but I don’t get the chance. I watch as he takes a deep breath, pushes his glasses up against the bridge of his nose, and then crosses his arms before continuing.

“And then there’s the whole issue about Trunks.”

I can feel the adrenaline pump through my veins at the mention of my old friend’s name. Narrowing my eyes, I interrupt because I’m afraid of what he might say and I want to defend myself. Holding my hand up between us, I shove away from the counter and move around Gohan.

“Just wait a second. Shinji has nothing to do with Trunks,” I state emphatically, wincing as the lie easily slides off my tongue. In actual truth, Shinji and Trunks have become intertwined in my mind, one the replacement for the other.

“Oh, so he’s got a name, huh? Shinji? Just where exactly did you meet him? He seems…interesting.”

I blush slightly at Gohan’s inference in regards to Shinji. Interesting is only a word that scratches the surface to his psyche, one that I’m still trying to figure out. I decide to tell him a half-truth about how and where we met, the true story being too weird for Gohan to really understand or approve of.

“We met at West City University. Shinji works there in admissions. I ran into him a couple of times in the student union when I was studying for my classes after work and we sort of struck up a friendship. That’s all.”

“Just friendship?” Gohan asks skeptically. I can feel a blush start to creep up my cheeks, feeling like a child caught sticking their hand in the proverbial cookie jar. Obviously, what I share with Shinji is more than friendship, but as to what exactly it is, I’m too uncomfortable to delve deeper and I really don’t want Gohan prying into my private matters. In order to move the conversation ahead, I nod my head and then turn back to my hamburger patties, which are half-cooked and bleeding inside the pan. Turning the stove back on, I continue frying the patties so they won’t be ruined.

After about fifteen minutes and fifteen cooked hamburgers, I grab the buns, sliced onions, dill pickle slices, ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, and cheese out of the fridge and spread them across the counter. Taking my cue, I watch as Gohan grabs a plate and starts fixing himself three hamburgers. We both walk around the counter and take our plates to my futon, balancing them on our knees as we eat in silence, each of us thinking of how to proceed. As soon as Gohan polishes off his last hamburger, I watch out of the corner of my eye as he wipes away the crumbs from his mouth and clears his throat, clearly getting ready to speak.

“Goten…jeez, I don’t know what to say.”

“Then don’t say anything.”

He glances at me quickly and then focuses his dark eyes on his wristwatch. I can tell he’s thinking and I know that Gohan isn’t the type of person to let a puzzle like my relationship with Shinji and how it relates to Trunks go. His Adam’s apple bobs slightly as he swallows slowly.

“I still love you, you know. I guess I don’t understand completely why you decided to be involved with this Shinji guy, and I don’t know if I approve or not, but that’s not what really matters. Like I said, I always wondered if you preferred men to women. It wasn’t because you didn’t date many. I mean, I only dated Videl and we got married right out of high school. But with you, you were always with Trunks. From the time you were a baby all the way until now. You’ve never been apart from each other, and I always thought that the reason you never kept a steady girlfriend or that he never kept one was because it was too much competition. It just seemed like a possibility, you know. That you two would end up having a relationship beyond just friendship.”

I can tell he’s uncomfortable telling me his thoughts, his hand coming up to randomly pick at the front of his shirt, his face slightly pink tinged. Yet, he presses on.

“I’m not saying I liked the idea of my brother together with his best friend, but I remember Dad making a comment after that battle with Buu was over with. It had to do with the whole fusion thing. He said being with Vegeta in that way was more intimate than anything he had ever felt with Mom. It worried me a bit, because I could just imagine Vegeta deciding to kick Dad’s head in for convincing him to share bodies.”

“But then he said he thought in hindsight, knowing what he did from his own experience with Vegeta, if it had been such a wise idea to teach you and Trunks the other form of fusion, regardless of the fact that it wasn’t meant to be permanent. You already shared a close bond, but he worried that by fusing, you two would prematurely form an attachment that might cause problems later on in life while you were developing into separate identities. As an adult, he had trouble separating his thoughts from Vegeta’s after they were separated in Buu’s body and he wondered if your constant fusions with Trunks would also have a similar effect. But then when you got into middle school, the two of you stopped fusing and it kind of left his mind as an item of concern. You know Dad. He has a one track mind sometimes. However, it never really left my mind and I wondered. So is that what’s causing this?”

He wants an explanation, and I can’t really give him one because I never thought of the attraction I feel for Trunks having started from fusion. It always seemed natural, the way I felt for him, and I had never labeled it as anything more than familial affection until a little before the previous summer, when most of our relationship problems really started to surface in a more visible light. So, I shake my head in the negative and try to piece my thoughts on the matter together, especially how Shinji fits into the equation.

“I don’t think it has anything to do with fusion. I know what Dad was talking about, and I can’t deny that when Trunks and I used to fuse, there was a terrible emptiness when we were forced to separate. However, we quit fusing around the time we hit puberty because those feelings became too intense and neither one of us understood what that meant at the time. I can see where a correlation can be made, but I’ve always had strong feelings for Trunks, as far back as I can remember, even before we learned the fusion dance.”

I shrug a little at the old memories of Trunks and I joined together as the mischievous trouble maker known as Gotenks. Shaking of the odd feeling of reminiscence, I glance over to Gohan in order to finish my explanation of sorts.

“You know about our last fight. Well, I wasn’t completely truthful with you about that…”

I start to tell him more information, but he puts a hand up to stop me.

“Look, Goten, I didn’t come over here to in order to beg for information about what caused your falling out with Trunks, or even to find out about this Shinji guy. I just came over to spend time with you. What happened between you and Trunks is old history, and you don’t have to feel like you owe me an explanation for anything. Aww, this is just so messed up!” he suddenly exclaims, running his hands through his hair before standing up to clear away our dirty dishes and put the fixings away for the hamburgers, before flopping back down on the futon.

“So you came out to Trunks, and he rejected you?”

I raise my eyebrows at Gohan, clearly seeing that his curiosity has gotten the better of him, regardless of his professed statements as to not wanting to pry into the past.

“I thought you said you didn’t come over to rehash the past?”

He gives me a sheepish look before shrugging his shoulders and adjusting his glasses.

“Well, I guess that cat’s out of the bag, and I can’t help but wonder. But if you don’t want to tell me, I get it. I’m sure it’s kind of uncomfortable for you to have been seen kissing another guy by your own brother, and then to have the same brother basically pry into your personal life.”

I sigh. In a way, I do feel like I owe Gohan a lot more than an explanation, because he saw me at my lowest point after Trunks and I had that horrible argument, and he’s been helping me fight my depression without even realizing what it was that he was doing. And, it’s been like a weight keeping all of these thoughts and ideas about Trunks and Shinji inside of me without being able to tell anyone, for fear of being cast aside. It’s a relief to have my sexuality out in the open with the one person besides Trunks who I feel the closest to. Coming to a quick decision, I shift slightly on my futon and steeple my hands across my lap.

“It’s not exactly what you think, about why Trunks and I had our falling out. How can I say this, exactly? I don’t want to paint Trunks in a bad light. I…love him. Even after not having seen or heard from him in months, I still feel that way for him. I don’t think it will ever go away. But there were problems festering between us for months, or maybe even years, and when it all came to a head, it just sort of exploded.”

Not really sure how to phrase things, and knowing the telling of the story could take a while, I stand up and head into the kitchen, pulling out a couple of the beers Shinji had brought over for our impromptu summer cook out at my place. Rounding the other side of the futon, I hand one to Gohan, who grunts in surprise.

“Beer? When did you start drinking dark lager? I thought you hated the stuff.”

“Shinji brought it over. I still don’t really like it, but it’s all I have. So suck it up.”

He chuckles at that, and then opens the bottle with practiced ease before taking a swallow and murmuring in appreciation for what is probably an expensive import.

Pacing slightly in front of him, I also open my beer and take a sip, grimacing at the strong, sour taste. Putting down my bottle on the coffee table, I cross my arms and look over at Gohan, who’s reading the label on the back of the beer bottle. I clear my throat, and continue where I left off with my story.

“Like I said, I’ve always felt close to Trunks, as far back as I can remember. We spent a lot of time together growing up, up until the last couple of years. I’ve known for a long time that things were becoming strained between the two of us. Maybe our problems do stem from that fusion technique, but mostly, I think we were both trying to find ourselves separate identities while trying to hang onto what we once had. And instead finding some meaningful way of talking about our problems, we both went about it the wrong way.”

“I’ve always been the follower, the faithful sidekick to whatever Trunks had planned for us. And then one day, it was like it just changed. I didn’t want to be the follower, but how do you fix something that’s been that way for years? I didn’t even realize how much I resented Trunks always making the decisions about what we should do, where we should go, and where I should work and live, until I started breaking away from him by taking that job at Nezumi’s Auto Emporium and moving into this flat. I could have easily gotten a job at Capsule and found a nicer place, but then that would have made it look like I was entirely dependent on him, and I didn’t want that.”

I sigh, and Gohan nods his head in understanding. Uncrossing my arms, I walk back over to my futon and sit down on the edge, tapping my fingers across my knees in an unsteady tattoo.

“Anyway, I don’t know if any of this is making much sense. I didn’t even really realize how much I resented Trunks’s interference until after he cut off his ties with me. I was always too much of a pacifist in our relationship to have ever have told him clearly how I felt about things, and I put up with a lot of abuse from his mouth just because I was so desperate to have his approval and understanding, even though it was like he couldn’t understand why I would want to be any different from him. So instead of really telling him about how I felt, I just let it go and sort of fester inside.”

“And then there was Trunks himself…”

Trying to think of how to put my friend into perspective without painting an overly negative picture, I’m surprised when Gohan puts a hand on my arm and clears his throat.

“He’s got issues.”

It’s not a question, which unnerves me a little, and for the first time, I really wonder how much my brother knows about the life my friend was leading up until the point when things fell apart between us. I give him a questioning look, and he releases my arm and lets out a short breath before continuing.

“I think I once told you that Trunks has always been a loose cannon as far as being our department head of Research and Development. Well, I should say, nominally the head, since Bulma’s the real one who runs the show. At any rate, just working under him gives one the distinct impression that things haven’t been right with Trunks for a long time. As it is, I myself haven’t seen him since early October, and that occasion isn’t something I really enjoy reminiscing about.”

I stare at him. This is all news to me, especially about having not seen him since October. I had known for a while that Trunks resented his work at Capsule Corporation, but I had never known him to miss work for over half a year. That in and of itself suddenly made my throat dry out and my stomach drop.

“W…wait a minute,” I blurt out as I hold my hand up. “You haven’t seen Trunks at work since October?”

He nods his head slowly.

“That’s right. And the last day I saw him, he wasn’t…well, he wasn’t right. How should I say this, I think Trunks had or has a drug problem. It wasn’t uncommon for him to go without missing work for days at a time, and when he’d come in, half of the time, especially within the last couple of years, there were always tell tale symptoms of either having a hangover or going through some sort of withdrawal. Bulma would often pull him to the side, and I think she must have talked to him about cleaning up his act, and for a while, he’d straighten out, but then it would happen again. Towards October, it was happening almost every other time he would come to work, which would probably be once every few days. When you think about how much alcohol he must have been consuming to cause a problem, especially with his Saiyan blood, that’s kind of a scary thought.”

I raise my eyebrows at my brother. Scary thought? I often saw Trunks drunk and I knew that he had an alcohol problem for a long time, but I never realized that it affected his work the way it had, nor did I have any clue that he was a possible drug abuser, although it probably wouldn’t have been hard for me to find signs of it had I been looking for evidence. However, the truly scary thought was that my brother hadn’t seen him in eight months and he didn’t seem concerned.

I had just assumed Trunks had continued on with his life the way he had been doing for years, and since my brother had never really mentioned much about Trunks except for that brief conversation we had had back in December, I had never given it much thought. Now, I felt terrible, like it was somehow my lack of concern that had made Trunks disappear from the world like that. It also brought back my last meeting with Bulma at the French restaurant and her overriding concern as to my well being. If something terrible had happened to Trunks, no wonder she would have been worried about me. But then, why hadn’t anyone told me what had happened to him, if indeed something had happened to him? That in and of itself feels like a slap to my face.

Grabbing Gohan’s arm, I suddenly shake him and shout in his surprised face.

“Don’t you think there is a serious problem if you haven’t seen your boss in eight months? And why the fuck didn’t you tell me, huh? What if he’s…he’s dead or something? What if…”

And with that, I let go and collapse against the back of my futon, my thoughts swirling in my head.

“Goten…I didn’t want to worry you. You were so depressed after that fight you got into with him, and I didn’t want to burden you with that. Besides, if he was dead, you’d have known immediately. Nobody could have hidden that from you, especially since you can sense his ki. If you look for it, I’m sure you can sense it. It hasn’t been strong for a while, but it’s there. At any rate, even though he hasn’t been physically at work, he’s been sending in reports and managing the data accounts much more regularly than he ever did when would come to work. So obviously, he’s alive and well.”

I shake my head and then voice the apparent.

“Bulma could be doing that and make it look like Trunks’s work. How hard would that be? If it’s a liability for Capsule Corporation to have a person like Trunks as a department head, it would be simple for her to take him out of the picture and make out his reports.”

Gohan chuckles at my assumption and then puts his beer down, before responding to my concern.

“Goten, you don’t work for Capsule Corporation, so you don’t know the internal workings of the company. Sure, Bulma could be making up his reports and managing the data accounts, but in order to do so, she would have to have access to Trunks’s personal computer server and database. The only way an employee can have access to such personal material is through a retina scan and fingerprint log. In order to access your personal data server, as a way to minimize the threat of secrets being lost from the company, you can only access your personal database by doing so. If you have a device that allows you to have access to your server from a different location other than corporate headquarters, you can access your server even if you don’t physically come to work.”

The thought of always having to have your eyeball scanned and have your fingerprints read is mind boggling. Taking stalk of that, I work out what Gohan is trying to tell me.

“So basically, what you are saying is that in order for Bulma to be accessing Trunks’s account, she would have to have his eyeball and a piece of his finger.”

“Precisely. So that’s another reason for you not to worry. Trunks is indeed alive and kicking, and if I should add anything to make you feel better, his reports have become quite detailed and in-depth, and he’s also been coming up with some new prototypes for improving the efficiency of capsulation.”

I roll my eyes at Gohan’s obvious enthusiasm over Trunks apparently brilliant ideas to further the wealth of Capsule Corporation. However, this information doesn’t point out one glaring inconsistency.

“Where is he?” I ask.

Gohan shrugs his shoulders and shakes his head in the negative.

“I have no idea. I’m friends with Bulma and her family, but it’s never been my place to ask about Trunks like that. She came to our department in early November and apologized to us for Trunks’s erratic behavior and told us that he had taken a leave of absence from the company, but that we would start receiving reports and instructions from him in December. And just as she said, his reports, research directives, and data logs started coming in. Even though he’s not at work, he’s always online during the work day, so it’s easy to chat with him about what he wants to happen within the department. But, like I said, it’s not my place to ask him where is in an impersonal place like work.”

I sigh, and then scratch my head.

“This is my fault.”

Gohan grunts in surprise before smacking me in the back of the head. I glare at him, but he gives me a warning look before starting in on me.

“Don’t even go down that road, Goten. You have no idea what drove Trunks to drink and experiment with drugs, if indeed he was doing those things. Maybe he used those things as a relief from a job he wasn’t really that fond of, or as a means to escape a life he had been given but didn’t want. Whatever his reasons, they were his reasons. Maybe that fight you had escalated the problem, but what I was trying to tell you before is that there has been a problem for a long time, well before you had that falling out.”

I shake my head and interject.

“Sure, but you don’t get it, Gohan. He liked me…as more than a friend, and I rejected him because I didn’t want to be just another number on his list of interesting lays. I wanted him to like me for me, but with Trunks, it was always so hard to know what he was really thinking. He didn’t take my rejection well, and now nobody knows where he is, or what he’s doing. How could I not see this as being my fault?”

Gohan rolls his eyes at this, and then runs his fingers through his thick hair before standing up.

“No wonder the two of you had issues. You’re both bent on making yourselves out to be miserable, just in different ways. Stop being the scapegoat, Goten and put the blame where it belongs. It does not all belong squarely on your shoulders. I could see why you would have been hesitant to enter into a relationship with Trunks, especially seeing from your point of view what probably seemed like a very licentious lifestyle. And had Trunks been looking at things through a rational set of eyes, he would have seen the very same thing, but instead he chose to use what you perceive as your rejection of him as a way to let his drinking and drug abuse go to the next level.”

“Being in a relationship with somebody is difficult, especially when things change between people on a personal level. Do you think it has been easy for Videl and me all the years we have been married? I’m not the easiest person to live with, and neither is Videl. We make it work because we want it to work. There have been times when it would have been easy to just walk out the door and start over with someone new, and I’m sure Videl has felt the same way. However, when we took our wedding vows, we made it a point to not give in when things got rough.”

I try to interrupt him, to tell him that things were never that way with Trunks and I, but he sternly shakes his head before continuing on.

“So you aren’t married to Trunks. But you love him Goten. If you truly love somebody, you don’t give up on them. You don’t enter into a relationship with somebody else as a means of escape when you feel like you’ve hit rock bottom with that person. You do anything you can to fix the problems you have, and if, in the end, you’ve done all you can, then you let that person go if that’s the best decision.”

I stare at him. His patronizing tone aggravates me, but his words strike true to what has been inside my heart for a long time. Still, how can you fix something when the other person doesn’t want to change? I voice that concern, and am surprised with Gohan’s insight into the problem.

“Help them change. Did it ever occur to you that maybe Trunks wanted to change his behavior, but was too scared or unsure how to go about doing so? Maybe he felt like you wouldn’t really understand his reasons for starting to drink in the first place. You are right that you can only do so much, but did you ever sit down and talk to Trunks about his drinking problem?”

I answer immediately.

“Of course I did, but it went in one ear and out the other. To make it worse, he told me that towards the end, before our fight, he was drinking as a means to escape his apparent attraction towards me. How do you fix that? There were so many problems, Gohan, that I didn’t even know where to start, and telling Trunks about them was almost impossible because he would just get angry with me and tell me to stop looking down at him. As if I ever could.”

I spit out the last sentence in frustration, only seeing how hopeless our situation had become before our split.

“Well, I can see how that would have been difficult, and I suppose this whole attraction thing between the two of you just made it worse.”

I glare at him, feeling attacked even though I know such a thought is irrational.

“You don’t have to say that like the thought of us being attracted to each other is a disgusting thing.”

“Come off it, Goten. I never said that. It’s strange, I will admit, but like I said, I wondered about it in the past, so it’s not that surprising. The surprising fact is how bad things got between the two of you, and nobody really ever put two and two together. So in that respect, I’m sorry. Not that anything I could have done would have helped.”

I sigh. Looking back, our relationship did seem doomed to this sort of failure, especially when we both started looking for something that wasn’t obviously apparent to the both of us.

“So, what should I do?”

Gohan cocks his eyebrow at me and crosses his arms. I know what his answer will be.

“I can’t tell you what to do. You need to do what feels right in your heart. That’s always a good starting point.”

I nod my head, already having a plan of action formulating in my head.

“I’ll go and see Bulma. I’ll go and talk to her.”

Immediately, Gohan claps me on the shoulder, obviously approving of my idea, even though the thought of confronting her scares me slightly.

“That’s a great idea. Like I said, I can’t talk to her because I work for her, but you don’t have that same restriction. Talk to her, and I’m sure things will start to work out in the right direction.”

“What about Shinji?” I ask, suddenly uncertain, feeling a certain sense of guilt and responsibility in regards to our relationship. His response is also what I would expect coming from Gohan.

“I can’t tell you what to do about him. You’re not the type of person to get into a relationship as a means of revenge or as a way to assuage your own feelings of inadequacy, so I know you must care deeply for him to be in such a relationship. But obviously, it’s not what one would call healthy, since you’ve been too ashamed to even mention him to the family in any sort of context. Again, follow your heart. I wouldn’t end things with him, because your main concern now is finding out what has happened to Trunks. But once you come to that crossroads, if you ever do, it will be a hard decision. I don’t envy you, Goten, in that respect. However, I know that you will do the right thing.”

I shake my head in understanding. I know it won’t be easy, but for the first time in months, I feel that things will finally become resolved between Trunks and me.

We both stand up from the futon and make our way to the doorway.

“What are you up to for the rest of the day?” I ask Gohan, out of curiosity.

“Not much. I’m taking Pan and Videl to a West City Chargers baseball game. You’re welcome to join, if you want to. The game starts at 7:00 pm. You could even bring Shinji, if you want. I won’t tell Videl. He can come as your friend.”

I smile at his offer, conscious that while Gohan is being understanding, I don’t think he approves deep down inside about my sexual preference. But then again, how could I blame him? It took me a really long time to even figure out that I liked other guys, and his introduction into my relationship with Shinji wasn’t exactly a smooth one. On top of that, I know he doesn’t approve because he can sense what I’ve felt since the beginning; that Shinji is not Trunks and I haven’t been completely fair and honest towards him about my past. Yet, I do have feelings for him, which makes it all even more complicated.

I pause for a moment, gathering my whirlwind of thoughts around me.

“Thanks for the invitation, but I’m going to say no. It’s not because I’m too embarrassed to bring Shinji along, but I’ve got…I’m going to visit Bulma today.”

I think that shocks Gohan, because he pauses his hand on my doorknob and sucks in a hissing breath through his teeth.

“Really? I didn’t think you would be brave enough to do it this fast. You have no idea what she will say to you.”

I know that, but what’s the point of waiting for me to be brave enough, when I haven’t heard anything about Trunks for months and then suddenly find out he’s all but disappeared from society? Her reaction towards me won’t change regardless if I visit her today or a month from today. I tell Gohan as much, and he purses his lips in agreement.

“Well, good luck, then. I’m sure everything will work out fine, Goten. Bulma will be happy to see you, and all this anxiety you’ve had over Trunks will finally resolve itself one way or the other. You’re doing the right thing.”

With that, he says his good-bye and then heads out to an old beater car he’s had for years. I know he’ll drive it out of the city before encapsulating it and then flying out to Mount Pazou.

Watching him drive down the street, I pull my cell phone out of my pocket and quickly call Shinji, telling him something came up and that we’d have to move our plans for today to tomorrow, or another day later in the week. I can tell he’s disappointed, but he’s quick to reassure me that he understands. With that done, I lock up my apartment and head out down my brownstone steps out onto the empty street. Making sure nobody is around, I jump into the air and then head towards Capsule Corporation, feeling my heart beating a million miles per second. I don’t know what will happen when I get there, but at least I can finally find some peace and resolution to the remnants of the relationship I once had with Trunks.

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Please accept my apology for the lengthiness since my last update. Life sometimes has a way of interrupting the best made plans for writing fan based fiction. I never intended to put this story on the shelf, but I have found it difficult to find the time to sit down and write. Updates will probably continue to be sporadic, but I will finish this work.