Tourniquet
folder
Gundam Wing/AC › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
13
Views:
1,171
Reviews:
5
Recommended:
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Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Gundam Wing/AC › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
13
Views:
1,171
Reviews:
5
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Gundam Wing/AC, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Chapter 12
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style="width: 300px; height: 100px;">‘I wrapped our love in all this foil
Silver-tight like spider legs
I never wanted it to ever spoil
But flies will always lay their eggs
Take your hatred out on me
Make your victim my head
You never ever believed in me
I am your tourniquet’
Tourniquet - Marilyn Manson
~*~Tourniquet~*~
The next day all I could think of was one thing. I really feel
like dying right now. Why did Duo have to see me like this?
I never wanted him to see me like this.... But then again he was
the one who broke through the fucking door at my apartment. He
has seen me an inch away from death... Why did I have to
live? Why couldn't it all have just ended then? I’m sure
they would be going through much less pain, they could all just
forget.
Forgetting would be nice. It really would. Perhaps I can
make myself forget.... Just, forget everything.
“Heero, would you like to go to the store with us? We’d like it
if you came along; I’ll buy you something okay, Heero?” I jumped at
Duo's voice, remembering I wasn't alone.
“Whatever.” I was grateful for Duo’s helping hand in standing
back up.
We turned to head back up the stairs as a sharp sting of pain laced
it’s way up my leg, causing me to loose my balance and fall, taking Duo
with me. He grabbed my arm to try and steady us, only managing to
make things worse as the pain shot up my nerves and my legs gave out
all together. “Go- Gomen!”
“It’s ok, sorry...” Nothing else was said as we continued on our way up
the stairs. Going into my room Duo got out a pair of jeans and a
green tank top. I think he did that on purpose, since I always
used to wear such an outfit. “We’re gonna have fun, ok Heero?”
“Sure.” How could you say that? Fun? Yeah
right... It doesn’t matter... None of this matters, I’ll
always just be a fuck up.
Limping down the stairs once again, leaning most of my weight onto Duo,
we slowly made out way outside to where Trowa was waiting with a
car. Duo opened the passenger side door and motioned for me to
get in. I awkwardly bent down and slid into the seat. I
felt a bit odd as he closed the door for me; I wasn’t used to the
treatment I suppose. I buckled my seat belt, placed my hands in
my lap and readied myself for a day I was in no way prepared for.
I didn’t want to do this, I knew that now. But now, it was too
late to go back.
I suppose I could have said something. ‘Actually, I don’t feel
like going anywhere’ ‘my leg really hurts, I think I should stay
home’ anything, really, lame or not they probably would have let me
stay. But as every second passed by it seemed less and less
possible to me.
Duo walked around the car and got into the seat next to mine; instead
of taking the passenger side seat in the front. It was thoughtful
of him I suppose, but I wish he had sat up there. I didn’t want
to be near anyone right now. I felt like a disease in a way I
suppose. Of course I’m sure if he had sat in the front I would
have felt neglected, but then I’d at least has a reason, however small
and pathetic, to feel to isolated. Or rather a wanting to be
isolated.
I turned my body as much towards the window as I could without looking
obvious and let my mind drift as we passed by building after
building. Why could I never say no? I always seem to get
stuck doing things I don’t want to, because I can’t say no. I
have to do it, maybe to prove something. But to who? I gave
up on myself a long time ago, so what does it matter anymore?
Maybe for Duo. I always seem to want to be at my best around him,
but I only seem to be failing, quite miserably I might add, if that’s
the case.
The longer I watched things zoom by in the window the more I wanted
out. The air around me seemed to be getting thicker and thicker
to the point that I could hardly breath. The blurred shapes of
trees, people, and buildings were being nauseating and I want to shove
my head in a toilet and breath in the calming scent of bleach. I
couldn’t think past the thought of getting out of this car. Maybe
if I opened the door and rolled out, who cared if there's a semi behind
us, the roll out of the car at this speed alone would probably kill me
before the wheels of the semi even came close... right? Maybe if
I reached up and pushed Trowa out of the way and drove the car off the
road-
"Heero? Are you all right? You look a little pale..." I
felt like I jumped a foot in the air when he snapped me back into
reality with his question. But it doesn't matter; he doesn't
really care anyway. He never did. He's just doing this out
of pity. Yes, pity, that stupid fucking emotion. I hate it,
and I hate you, Duo, for giving me your damned pity. I don't want
it, and I sure as hell didn't ask for it. "Heero?" Damn,
I've been staring...
"Hn."
Turning back to the window I almost immediately looked down again as
the blurred world went straight to my stomach. I left out a deep
breath as Trowa took a turn into the parking lot of a mall. Then
Dread started to take over. I didn't want to be in a mall.
Not with all those people, not with my leg hurt this badly, having to
rely on Duo or Trowa for support, I didn't want to be here. I
want to go home, I want to lock myself up in my apartment. I
don't want to be here, I want to leave, and I want to leave now.
"You ready Heero?" Duo had opened the car door on my side, when
he had gotten out himself I don't know, and was holding his hand out to
me. My mind went blank as I just stared at his hand. How
could I leave, what could I say? I don't want to be here!
Instead I reached out and grabbed his hand and allowed him to pull me
up into a standing position, holding my arm over his shoulder we began
walking towards the mall's main entrance. I didn't want people
looking at me. Already I could feel at least 10 stares; I wanted
to kill them. Find them all and rip out their eyes just so that I would
no longer have to feel their stares on me any longer. Putting as
much weight as I could muster on my leg I pushed away from Duo. I
didn't want people staring, so I needed to draw less attention to
myself. If I really tried, remembered my training, I was sure I
could pull off making it look like I wasn't hurt.
"You ok Heero?" I gave Trowa my best glare and walked as steadily
as I could towards the doors. Opening them I walked inside,
nearly vomiting as I did. The stench of food assaulted my nose
almost immediately, it seemed as though there were hundreds of people
jammed into the large room, all shouting to be heard above the other to
the person just next to them, stuffing their mouths with food, wiping
spills off their shirts and tables. Others who were bored with
their conversations looked up at me, as I was something new to the
room, perhaps something of interest. I quickly put on a dark
glare for the entire room and started to make my way though the long
isle that was filled with people waiting to make their orders. I
could feel Trowa and Duo walking behind me so I didn't stop.
I nearly lost it every time a small child ran out in front of me and
just stopped, not moving or even looking scared until their mother came
and dragged them off, scolding them for not watching were they were
going. It never once occurred to me to be jealous that they had a
mother to scold them until Duo started talking about how he had always
wished for someone to do such a thing for him when he was that
small. I didn't understand why. When I was living with Odin
Lowe punishment was the last thing I ever wanted. Many times it
was rather hard to move the next day.
"Heero, you wanna go to the pet store? It's on the left and a
little ways down the hall once we leave the food court."
"Hn." As long as it gets me out of this damned place...
I ground my teeth together as a child ran into my leg, jolting my wound
and nerves to the point where my leg almost gave out. I glared at
the child and walked a little faster as he cried out and ran off to him
mother. I turned left and kept walking, ignoring Duo's laughter
at the child's predicament. Seeing the pet store I walked towards
it, but stopped abruptly when I walked inside. The smell here was
worse than the food court. I didn't remember Quatre's dogs
smelling this badly. As Duo moved forward to look at the rabbits and
Trowa walked to the back of the store to look at the reptiles I tried
to level my breathing. I don’t want to throw up, I won’t...
"Is there something I can help you with sir?" My eyes snapped
open as I looked at the woman who was currently on shift. Or more
precisely, I looked at the cog in her arms. My mind raced as a
painful memory of a young girl and her dog dying because of my spiked
to the surface of my thoughts.
"I- I have to go." I walked out as quickly as I could without
hurting my leg and back towards the food court where I knew there was a
bathroom. Unfortunately for me it was near the center on the
right side. Squeezing through the different occupied tables I
managed to make it to the bathroom with only two run ins of small
confused children. Limping up to a stall I let my legs give out
once inside. Leaning my head into the bowl I relaxed my body and
let myself vomit the little amount of food I'd eaten. Flushing
the toilet once I had caught my breath and wiped my mouth I sat down on
the toilet seat and shut the door with my foot. I leaned my head
back, relishing the cool tiles of the bathroom wall. Breathing
deeply I let my eyes close, trying to dull all my senses, to just let
go and rest for a little while.
I was starting to truly feel calm when a gruff voiced asked rather
loudly "Hey, you got any paper in there?"
I jumped, startled, my head banging rather hard back into the tile wall
and coughed as spit lodged into the back of my through as I sucked in
air. Grabbing the toilet paper dispenser I ripped it off the
cubicle wall and tossed it into the mans stall. Banging open the
door of my stall I walked out of the cool room glaring for all I was
worth.
"Well, fuck that idea."
Walking out of the food court this time I was much less patient, simply
pushing them away or bumping them off when anyone got caught in my
path. I didn't care about being rude, they were going to end up
touching me no matter what, might as well get them out of the way
before they can talk to me while their at it.
Turning right at the end of the food court I walked until I saw a
map. Looking at the list of things I began to wonder what the
point in all this was. Suddenly an idea occurred to me, Duo and
Trowa weren't here, I could do anything I wanted. But once again
the question of why came into mine. Seeing a Walgreen's on the
map I decided to head there, perhaps I could get some blades without
anyone knowing.
Suddenly guilt welled up in my thought. I stopped and leaned
against a wall. Even if it is Pity my 'friends' are trying to
help and I'm thinking about getting new blades. But then again
the sharp sting as a new blade slices through skin and blood balls up
and swells out of a new cut seems very appealing right about now...
Pushing my thoughts aside I walked down the halls in the order I saw in
the map until I reached the store. Walking up and down random
isles thinking of reasons why I should and shouldn't do this circling
my head. Finally walking down the isle I needed I stopped in
front of the hardware blades. Staring wantonly at the beautiful
metal as it glinted in it's packaging from the florescent store
lighting. Reaching forward I decided, I'll get them, I just won't
use the. Right. Yeah, Have them and not use them, at least not
unless absolutely necessary.
Grabbing tow packages I looked at them for a moment, sliding one up my
shirt as I put the other back. Walking up and down a few more
isles I soon left once my leg started throbbing along with my
heart. Walking, while also starting to limp slightly, I made my
way outside. Looking around and not seeing and cameras, security
guards, duo or Trowa I took the package out of my sleeve and out them
into my back pocket.
"Hey, were those blades?"
I looked up glaring at the boy who's come up to me. He was
slightly shorter them me, wearing baggy pants and a stripped long
sleeve shirt with a black T-shirt over it. He had an interested
smile, and seemed very friendly. How disgusting. "Hn."
I started to walk away when the boy grabbed my arm. I flinched as
he fingers squeezed and pulled around the healing cuts to get my
attention back. "Hey man, no problem here, I like blades, a bit
of a masochist myself, ya know? I'll make ya deal, you give me a
blade, and I give you the rest of my cigarettes here, hm?"
Looking at the half empty package I contemplated his offer.
Pulling out the package I opened it and took on the three blades out
and handed it to him while grabbing the carton. Walking towards
the cemented garden bed lining the wall I sat on the edge of it.
Turning the carton upside down I let the lighter slide out an smacked a
cigarette out. Putting the carton into my other back pocket I lit
the stick and took in a long drag.
Dr. J would have killed me. I stared coughing at the smoke
assailed my lungs. Why did I want to trade him? What was
the point of getting these? Looking at the stick in my hand as my
breathing evened out again I raised it to my lips again and
inhaled. This time tears came to my eyes as the coughing
started. Perhaps it was morbid curiosity that kept me puffing
away at the cigarette. I knew it was a bad habit, but I didn't
care. I wanted it. Perhaps it was my revenge for my
'friends' trying to get me to stop cutting.
Either way when I had finished the stick and was contemplating getting
another out Duo ran out of the doors calling my name in relief.
"We've been looking all over for you Heero! Why did you leave the
pet store?"
"I needed to sit down, I guess." I didn't bother looking at him
as I spoke. Duo began to ramble on about how they had walked all
over the mall looking for me; how when they had asked one woman if she
had seen someone with my description she had gone on a rant about her
child ending up with a scraped knee in the food court. I tuned
him out and nearly fell off the side of the garden bed when something
very sharp landed on my lap.
No, scratch that, they were just the claws that were sharp. It
seemed Trowa had dropped a small kitten on my lap, the little thing
hadn't yet figured out it had sharp little blades on it's feet
apparently. Oh well, I sure as hell don't mind a little pain once
in a while.
"We thought you could use a new friend, isn't she cute? What are
you gonna name her?" Looking up at Duo's innocent face and then
back down at the now purring kitten I could only be glad they didn't
get a dog.
TBC
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