Uncharted Waters

Chapter XV


Goku lay in naught but his boxers on top of the duvet in the bedroom that used to be his eldest son’s. After Chichi died he had moved out their room and converted the larger space into a meditation den. Even still, he rarely used it, there were simply too many memories and reminders of days long past.

Currently, he stared up at the ceiling fan as it made its lazy circles in the moonlit room. The soft whirring it produced was the only sound in the small empty house. He had tried to track down Goten, but the boy had led him on a wild goose chase. After hours of searching he could finally feel him at Gohan and Videl’s house. He nearly used instant transmission to take him there, but something in the back of his mind held him back. Perhaps it would be better to let the boy cool off for a day or so, besides he had a feeling that Goten was confiding in his older brother. Goku was certain his oldest son would be upset over the news, but Gohan was a logical man, surely over time he would come to accept the situation. He couldn’t say the same for his youngest. The look of horror on the boy’s face flashed through his mind for the hundredth time this night. The well-trodden feeling of guilt came over him again, threatening to drown him.

“What have I done?”

He couldn’t help it. At first he had tried to fight it off. Chichi had only been gone for six months and Goten was just starting to act like his old self again. But that night when Trunks had wandered into the laundry room, he took notice of him in a way he never had before. No longer did he see the smart-mouth little kid who was always looking for trouble. Instead he saw a bright, good-natured young man. He wasn’t sure why, but possibly due to his loneliness, he had wanted to get to know this young man better. So when Trunks made an off-hand comment about not wanting to spend time at home, Goku had seized the opportunity to strike up a conversation; one that had led to many more.

At first he thought that Trunks had an interest in Goten; he certainly cared for his son. Yet, despite their close connection, he couldn’t sense anything remotely romantic in it. He remembered the overwhelming feeling of exuberance once he made this discovery, and the guilt that immediately followed. Trunks was so young, but more so, he should have still been mourning his late wife.

He had shed his tears for Chichi, this much was true. She had been a wonderful mother, and a loyal mate, yet he couldn’t bring himself to miss her. He had tried, he honestly had, however the only things he seemed to miss were the household comforts, good food, clean laundry, an orderly house, and so on and so forth. While they where tied together, there was always a tension between them. She seemed to be perpetually angry with him, and when he attempted to please her she would only shy away from him in contempt.

He knew that he wasn’t the world’s best husband—an uninvited feeling of bitterness and jealousy bubbled up in him at the thought—but to be fair, Chichi wasn’t a faultless wife. The woman seemed to have a pre-conceived notion of what marriage and family were supposed to be and woe to those who did not conform to it. But he couldn’t adjust to her fantasy life; in fact, he didn’t think anyone could live up to her high standards.

Families weren’t supposed to be perfect, Kami knows he wasn’t. It was an exhausting endeavor, trying to live up to her expectations. Give him Frieza; give him Cell, please, anything but his wife. Villains he could handle, that was straight forward, but the intricacies of his home life where too confusing to him. He loved Chichi but he didn’t like her. And this was due to one simple reason. He didn’t know the woman. What he did know of her, he didn’t care for. Why conform to people’s expectations? Why live your dreams through other people, especially your children? Go out there and make your dreams come true, that was always his philosophy.

A bitter sigh escaped his lips. Why hadn’t he talked to her while she was alive?

He knew there was something wrong with him. Every time he had walked through the door a fog had settled over his brain. Vegeta always called him ‘stupid’ or ‘m,’ a,’ and he thought the prince was right. So he wasn’t smart. It never really bothered him. But there where times when the fog would suddenly lift, and the world was crystal clear. An insight would come upon him. It didn’t happen often in the past, but now the veil over his mind had been drawn back. Oh he could still play the dummy, he did it often, in fact. It was easy. People didn’t expect much from you if they thought you were a fool.

It had worked with Chichi during the last few years they were together. She simply gave up on him; he would never be the perfect husband she had always dreamed of. He wasn’t sure if he had even wanted to be anyone’s husband. He had been tricked into it. Goku shook his head at the memories; she had to guide him by the hand through all of it. At first it had been fun, but once you do something over and over, with no deviation, it grows dull. Their standard once a month coupling was predictable at best and mechanical at worst. There was no passion between them. It was boring, but it was comfortable. After she died, he found it harder and harder to keep up what Vegeta had called the ‘idiot facade’.

Of course his Saiyan rival would pick up on it. It was funny; his enemies seemed to know more about him than his friends and family. Buu could sense when he wasn’t fighting at his full potential, as did Cell. And Frieza had been a revelation; he had reached Super Saiyan while fighting that fiend.

Ironically, for all of his peaceful talk, Goku was happiest whilst in battle. It was with a malignant bit of humor that he considered trying to contact the denizens of Hell. ‘Excuse me, Cell, I know you must be busy tormenting small children or what not, but I was wondering if you would like to spend the rest of eternity locked in a one-on-one battle? What, you can fit me in at 2? That’s great! No, no, I’ll bring the pizza.’ An incongruous laugh burst from his throat. Was he crazy now too?

He would have thought so six months ago. However, here of late, his life had suddenly turned for the better. Lucidity, like bright ray of the sun, had hit him full on, nngernger was he grasping after it. Things that before had been confusing suddenly made sense. As such, every time he looked into the past, a feeling of remorse filled him, even though the present was sweet. Who ever said ‘ignorance was bliss’ really knew their stuff.

He blamed Trunks. A small smile tugged on his lips. He was beautiful, he was vibrant, and he was his. But at what cost? He could still picture Piccolo’s murderous face. He had never seen the Namek in such a state, even when they were enemies. He thought for sure a fight would ensue, but somehow Piccolo held himself back. Goku’s features screwed up in despair, he would have rather had the Namek strike him than simply regard him like he had in utter disgust. Few matched the respect he had for the green warrior, the fact he had been able to call Piccolo a friend had meant the world to him. It was all dust now; Piccolo could hardly stand to look at him. Same with his son. He threw an arm over his eyes, as if that would somehow block the pain.

As much as it hurt though, he had no regrets. Trunks shy smile, that was uniquely his, was more than enough to bring the older Saiyan to his knees. He had fought it, knowing it wasn’t acceptable. He thought he was doing a good job too, until that night a few months ago.

They had been talking, all three of them, about some movie that had been on TV. Goten had stretched and announced that he was going to bed. Trunks stayed behind, as had been his routine for the past few weeks. He would stay for an hour or so, continuing the conversation, or confiding in the older man about his personal life and would then return home. Yet this time was different, after chatting for an hour, Trunks had shyly moved closer and closer to him. He pretended not to notice, just as he pretended not to notice when the youth would accidentally brush him with his hand. But try as he might he couldn’t ignore the swift kiss to his cheek. Apparently it was a hit and run maneuver, because Trunks tried to bolt once he did it.

Unbeknownst to the youth, it had fanned a fire within the older Saiyan. All the desires Goku had held at bay where suddenly let loose. He had grabbed Trunks wrist and pulled him close. He could remember those blue eyes widening in shock.

“I...I’m sorry Goku—”

He had silenced the boy by crushing his lips to his. He recalled the gasp, and then the floundering eager hands wrapping around his neck. He could still feel the lean slender body, crawling into his lap, rubbing against him, causing him to moan in pleasure. The sensation of the teen’s mouth yielding to his own was maddening. All of the pent-up longing and affection was finally liberated. Goku’s heart felt like it was going to fly out of his chest; never had he felt so alive and free.

It happened several times later, these quick, secret, fumblings. Always spontaneously, until finally his conscience got the better of him and he pulled Trunks aside.

“This has to stop,” he had said firmly.

“Why, don’t you like it?”

Goku had smiled slightly, “You know I do.”

“Then why?” Thy’s y’s crestfallen face had wrenched his heart.

“This isn’t right, Trunks, I’m much too old for you.”

The lavender-haired teen had shaken his head defiantly, “No, you’re not, by Saiyan years—”

“Trunks,” Goku had cut in, “I’m old enough. Too old to be playing around like this.”

The look of pain on the youth’s face was unmistakable. “Play? You were playing?”

“Weren’t ”
”

“No! I..I’ve…” he stuttered, “I really like you, and I thought you felt the same way.” His azure eyes where swimming with emotion.

Goku’s own dark eyes had widened, he didn’t think the boy had any real feelings towards him. Finally after starring at the boy for a few moments, his demeanor softened.

“Trunks, I do care about you, so much in fact, that I’m stopping this. You deserve the best. I’ve been married, I have children, they have children. I’ve got too much baggage for you. Don’t you want someone,” he paused here, “fresh?” It was the only word he could think of, “Besides,” he continued, “your parents would never approve of this.”

A look of pure stubbornness, one that he could have only gotten from his mother, crossed his features. He had placed his hands on either side of the taller man’s cheeks and looked him in the eye. “I don’t care.”

“Trunks—”

“No, Goku, you listen to me. I know you think I’m young and have no idea what I’m doing.” His face was only inches away from the other’s as he spoke, “I admit that this is brand new to me, but I know what I want. I know who I want. And its you.” The youth’s sweet breath ghosting over the Saiyan’s mouth was nearly too much to resist, still he continued, “I’ve had a crush on you for years now, but this past month its turned into so much more than that. No one makes me feel the way you do. When I’m with you I feel like I’m flying even though my feet are on the ground. Gods, Goku, I can’t stop thinking about you. I know, it should be wrong, I know that I’m young, and I know..” he took a breath, eyes frantically searching the older man’s, “I know that us being together would hurt a lot of people, but..Kami, it feels so right. I can’t stop, not now.”

It felt like the breath had been knocked from his body, he could sense the raging emotion in the youth so close to him. It was like a pillar of white fire, burning and true. With the last thread of his defenses he managed, “Trunks, if we where to do this, your life would be so much more difficult. I can’t do that to you.”

Blue eyes narrowed in determination, “It would be the same for you. But I think together we could manage it. I know how I feel, and I won’t give up. The only way I’ll stop is if you tell me you don’t want me, and really mean it.”

“Trunks,” he couldn’t tear his gaze away, his heart was beating so fast he wondered if the other could hear it, “Trunks,” he tried again, but to no avail, he moved and closed the gap between them. Their lips met, the teen had wrapped his arms around him with a cry. After what seemed an eternity they broke apart. Goku’s eyes locked with his lover’s.

“Gods, help us,” he breathed.

That had been three and a half months ago. Since then they had deepened their relationship, he found himself telling the boy things he had never told anyone before. Not the stories of his youth, though there was plenty of that, but his dreams, his thoughts, even his fears. Trunks had shared his as well. He had been surprised at how much they had in common, despite their backgrounds. Goku had a pretty wild upbringing, with little restraint, Trunks had a very structured childhood, with only the best of tools at his fingertips. Yet the both of them had the unquenching desire for adventure. All of the major problems Goku had in his family life could be summed up to his inability to stay still. He recognized this in Trunks, they were like two kindred souls hungry for life. And with each passing day the bond between them strengthened.

But as eager as Trunks may have been, Goku had put his foot down when it came to consummating their union. They would wait until Trunks turned 18, not a day sooner. It wasn’t easy for either of them. The teenager had been unusually animated, having difficulty concentrating on much of anything but the older man. And Goku had been consumed. He was infatuated with the demi-Saiyan. Every time he closed his eyes, he could see his face, smell the coconut scented shampoo Trunks liked to use, even feel the boy curled next to him. It had haunted his dreams night after night.

As elated as he was, though, he could not push away the feeling of shame. Tonight had proven that much. He couldn’t meet Bulma’s eye, or Vegeta’s, at the party. He had tried to make him self as scarce as possible. Luckily, Vegeta didn’t like him all that much so avoiding him had been easy. But Bulma was like a sister to him. He shook his head at the thought of her response when she found out. And Vegeta, if Piccolo’s reaction was any indication, well, he had better watch his back. It had been bothering him for a while; when Krillen had come to visit him three days prior, the very mention of the boy’s parents made him feel uneasy. He felt like he was betraying them, even though it was the most ‘right’ thing to have ever to happen to him. And his boys…well, he’d come to that bridge soon enough.

A tapping on his window broke him from his thoughts. He opened his eyes to see his lover starring at him through the misty glass. He quickly un-latched the window, throwing it open, reaching for his new mate and pulling him through, cradling him as he placed him on the bed.
Trunks’ sobs racked his body. This was supposed to be their special night, but instead it had been disastrous. If only they could have kept their hands to themselves a little longer. Goku let the boy bury his head in his chest.

“He’s so mad at me!” Trunks managed, speaking of his bond-father.

“I think he’s more angry with me, Trunks. Piccolo loves you as if you were his own, I don’t think anything would change that.”

“And Goten…” his breath hitched, “I didn’t mean to hurt him.”

It felt like someone twisted a knife in his heart, “Neither did I,” he whispered.

“I’m so sorry.” Trunks said, looking up finally, “I’m so sorry, I caused all of this. I would understand if you never wanted to see me again.”

A startled look crossed the Saiyan’s features. “I thought it was the other way around,” he said breathless, “I thought you would regret—”

“Never.” Again that brave face was set in defiance, “I meant it when I said I love you.”

A flood of warm affection washed over the both of them, “I love you too, Trunks, more than I ever thought possible. So don’t apologize to me.”

The boy nodded, twining himself around the other man.

“What are we going to do?” he whispered.

“What we have to.”

The youth was quiet for a moment, Goku thought he had drifted off, when suddenly he spoke, “Piccolo said I should talk to my parents at the same time…alone.” He squeezed the other man, “I don’t think I can do it, not by myself.”

“We’ll figure it out. I think for now, though, you need to rest. You’ve had a hard day.”

The smaller demi-Saiyan twisted in his arms, sitting up. Large blue eyes settled on the older man. “I don’t want to rest.”

“Trunks,” Goku breathed when slender hands smoothed down his chest, “you can’t be ready for this.”

“I am,” he replied, kicking off his shoes and pulling his shirt off oves hes head, “I’ve been ready for a long time.”

“But after everything that’s happened tonight, don’t you think we need to cool it down a bit?” Even as the words left his mouth, his eyes where roaming over every inch of newly exposed skin.

“What’s done is done, Goku. They know,” his hands strayed lower, caressing the growing hardness behind his mate’s boxers, “And, I don’t think I can go another sleepless night without you, especially now.”

The larger Saiyan’s eyes fluttered, and before he knew it, Trunks had slithered out of his socks and pants and into his lap. “Trunks,” Goku warned, again, but his voice was choked with lust. He couldn’t resist the boy, as much as wanted to.

“I know you want me.” The teen rocked slightly, brushing their cotton-clad lengths together. The older man gasped, hands moving on their own accord to his lover’s thighs. The touch of bare flesh sent a jolt of electricity straight to his crotch.

“I do,” Goku gasped, “but, ah...” he moaned, moving his grip up a little further, delighting in the silken texture of lovelover’s skin. The ever-present fire burned in his veins, yet somehow it felt wrong. Through their fledgling bond he could feel an overwhelming despair. His new mate needed comforting, but not in this way, even though he didn’t know it yet. He took a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself…it wasn’t working very well. “Trunks,” he finally managed, “I can sense that you’re still very upset.” As aroused as he was, he vowed that he would not bungle this relationship like he did the last, despite what his body was screaming at him.

The youth, however, seemed determined to get his way. “I’m fine,” he ground himself against the bigger man, eliciting a groan from both of them, “please…” The tone was almost petulant, enough so to shake Goku from his impassioned haze. Without a sound, he rolled himself and the demi-Saiyan, pinning the smaller figure under him.

“No,” he said softly, “not like this.”

“But-”

“Trunks, I ache for you. I want you so badly I can’t think straight. But I want the first time to be special. You’re so shaken...I’m so shaken right now that it…” he couldn’t put his emotions into words. “It just wouldn’t be right,” he stated flatly.

“I...” he whimpered, “but...I need...” Apparently the teen was beyond words. Goku could smell, quite keenly, how aroused his younger lover was. It was intoxicating. It took every bit of resolve he had to keep from taking his new lover immediately.

“Shh…I know,” the elder Saiyan cooed. He had meant what he had said about waiting, yet he was loosing his grip, not being able physically resist the sight of the youth spread out before him like a feast waiting to be devoured. A compromise was called for.

He hooked his fingers in the waistband of the boy’s white boxers. “Lift your hips,” he commanded in a whisper. Eyes widening with anticipation, Trunks did as he was told, lifting his bottom from the mattress eagerly. Slowly, Goku pulled the garment away from the heated flesh and down, exposing the rigid hardness underneath. The Saiyan’s eyes went dark, the light musky smell of the youth hit him full on. If he had been shot in the back of the head with a ki blast he would have died a happy man. “You’re perfect,” he breathed in awe as he pulled the boxers down ivory legs and ankles; divestine tee teen completely of the last bit of clothing he wore.

Trunks pupils were enlarged, his breath coming out in short uneven pants; he needed to be touched. “Take me,” he insisted, his hands roving over the contours of his older lover, trying in vain to memorize each dip and line.

“Not yet.” He pulled his lavender-haired lover up by the wrist and wrapped an arm around him, supporting his weight. “But I won’t see you suffer.” He devoured the soft lips, as if trying to drink the boy’s very essence. He pulled him closer, guiding one of the sculpted legs around his thigh.

The teen was reeling, all conscious thought seemed to fly out the window. The feel of his mate’s tongue sliding over his palate was inconceivable. He could literally taste the other man, it was never enough. He had always wanted more; the taste, the feel of him, it was something that had fueled his fantasies countless times for the past few months. Suddenly he felt himself shifted. And all of time froze, when a warm hand wrapped around him firmly. No one had ever touched him there before. A yelp of rapture burst from his throat, as his hips instinctively started moving on their own.

Goku moaned, tugging slowly at first then finally moving up to full strokes. The boy didn’t last long. In less than three minutes Trunks tossed his head back and screamed. The older man felt the teen tense under him and a warm wetness splash over his hand. Gently, he laid him back unto the bed. Reaching to the floor Goku scooped up the shirt he had been wearing earlier and cleaned up the mess, throwing it to the ground when he was done.

“What about you?” Trunks asked, eyes already drooping from exhaustion.

“I’ll be fine.”

“No, you won’t.” He sat up and pushed the larger Saiyan under him, with a lazy smile he reached into his new mate’s boxers to return the favor. Goku had tried to protest, but his hands were firmly knocked away.

Trunks had to admit that he didn’t know what he was doing, but he knew what he liked, and from the way the older man was bucking beneath him, he was pretty sure he was doing a good job. In a shorter time than he expected, his lover had raised his hips and yelled out his name. Thick white streams him on his bare chest and grazed the lower part of his jaw. Needless to say, he was quite proud of himself. And as was with a bit of a s tha that he cleaned them off.

Goku returned the grin. He couldn’t help feeling elated despite the horrible night they had both had. He embraced his new mate, letting the smaller youth curl around him. As soon as his head hit the pillow Trunks was out, much to the amusement of the older man, who soon followed suit. They had many issues to deal with, but at that moment they knew, that somehow, it would all work out.


**********************************
Ah, so we see it from Goku and Trunks point of view. Feh, should have had them screw like bunnies, but some moral bone in my body told me it would be best to wait. I\'ll have to break that damn bone later. hee

Well, people, we\'re all caught up as of this chapter. So unfourtantly these posts are going to come one chappie at a time, however I will be posting on AFF first, before the ML\'s, so keep your eyes peeled. Sadly, the updates will not come as soon as Ild lld like, I had to up my hours at my job due to the need for more monies, for I am broke *violins play in the background* and I have to save up for grad school and pay off my loans for undergrad school that the degree is worthless without a MA and *continues with long list of exscuses* Point is; I\'m writing when I can, so bare with me.