Cost of a Secret

A/N: Thank you to everyone for your reviews as well as the news of the new series of FMA. I love you all for reading and reviewing.

Chapter 16

Pain

Ed woke slowly, as it felt a bit early for him to rise. He wasn’t sure of the time just yet, but as he tried to shift to see the clock and get a good stretch in, he found something was preventing him from it. He glanced down to see a head of jet black hair pressed against his chest. Realizing now who this was, he noticed the small arms wrapped around him as Liam slept on. The other side of the bed was empty, but Ed could hear the shower running in the bathroom, which made it easy to guess where the bed’s occupant had gone.

Not wanting to disturb the boy and not having to pee so bad that he’d risk seeing Roy in the shower, Ed stayed where he was. He’d need to call Al just as soon as he got up from the bed. He’d work with Al on the cat, who Ed realized was now resting above his head, its tail moving restlessly against his cheek. Then, he and Roy would work on Liam.

Of course, Ed would have to find an excuse to get Roy out of the house. He couldn’t let the man see what he and Al were going to have to do for the cat, or Roy might suspect what Ed was going to do with Liam. No way in hell was he putting the nearly complete symbol on Roy’s back when Liam’s mother had an admitted grudge against the man. That was just stupid—not holding the grudge because Ed understood that, but for Ed to let Roy wear the whole design.

He debated leaving something small behind on Liam as an extra safeguard to what Ed already had in mind. It was a good idea, but one he knw Roy wouldn’t agree to, and Ed felt he could understand why, even if he still thought it was a good idea. Nevertheless, he was sure he could come up with something. Mustang certainly had enough people loyal to him who would be willing to do it.

He looked down at the little boy, wondering how he could be so trusting after all he’d gone through. Liam was the age Ed had been when he’d begun resenting his father rather than wishing he’d return. And Ed had been blessed with a good mother, though for far too short a time. Ed knew without a doubt that if he’d gone through what Liam had, he would not be as open and friendly as the boy clinging to his tanktop would be.

Above him, Ed the cat stood and stretched, then walked from his spot above Ed’s head, stepping on his forehead in the process before giving him a look that clearly said it was Ed’s fault for his head being in the way. Ed’s namesake then moved over to where he could headbutt Ed’s hand for attention, which Ed gave the cat despite the rather rude step on his face.

The yellow cat began purring loudly, and Ed began wondering the same about the animal as he had been about the boy. Though he hadn’t seen proof yet, Ed suspected the cat had the other half of the circle. He couldn’t say what the combination of the two would create, but there was no doubting the boy would be blended with the animal if the two were activated.

Ed hadn’t noticed the bathroom door opening, but his peripheral vision did catch Mustang smiling at the three on the bed. Ed would have said the smile was a good thing, if he hadn’t noticed the sadness in the man’s dark eye, if the damned patch wasn’t there to serve as his armor against the world. Ed didn’t like seeing Roy this vulnerable. He wanted to stay mad at him—and he still was—without feeling guilty for it. Roy had been in the wrong. Ed had given Roy opportunities to make things right, and he hadn’t.

When Roy seemed to realize he was being stared at, he looked away. Ed couldn’t remember a time before when the man backed down from a simple staring contest so easily, and that troubled him. He almost regretted telling the older man about the effects of the transmutation circle, but he knew that Roy needed to know the truth.

Ed focused on the man’s body again, as he had last night. He was wearing only a towel and his hair was slicked back with water. Ed tried so damned hard not to focus on what he knew was beneath the piece of fabric. Apparently, all the anger and hurt in the world couldn’t calm the lust over the man that had made steady ebbs and flows in Ed’s psyche since he hit puberty. However, the gentle breathing of the boy at his chest could do what the anger and hurt couldn’t. The last thing he needed was to look like a pervert or give the poor kid an additional trauma.

Roy pulled a pair of boxers on beneath the towel before letting it drop.

“Does the kid have school today?” Ed asked. Roy seemed surprised at the sudden break in the silence, hesitating for a moment before nodding. “Good. It will give us time to work on the cat.” Ed shifted, which made the boy snuggle closer.

“If you want me to move him, I can,” Roy offered, taking a step closer.

“No,” Ed said, rubbing a hand over Liam’s shoulders. “He’s fine. He’s a good kid.”

“Yes,” Roy said, not without a small amount of pride.

The body currently half on top of Ed’s chest and stomach shifted and the sound of a small yawn could be heard, though Ed could still only see the top of the black head of hair. The head turned and hazy brown eyes looked up at Ed, who expected Liam to be startled. Instead, the boy smiled and looked around for the cat, it seemed, as he instantly relaxed when the furball nudged his hand for attention.

The bed dipped as Roy sat down next to his son. “Hey, buddy, how did you sleep?” Roy asked as he rubbed a hand over Liam’s back.

“Okay,” Liam said as he rolled over, but staying close to Ed. The young man had no idea what he’d done to earn such trust from the boy. “Better once I was here.” He turned slightly pink as he seemed to remember last night. “I’m sorry for messing the bed.”

“Nothing to be sorry for,” Roy told him. “Ed got it all cleaned up right away. He used his alchemy, and you know how quick that is.”

Liam grinned and looked over at Ed. “Yeah.” He paused for a moment and looked over at Ed. “Elysia tried to teach me a game, Miss Mary Mack,” he explained. “Sort of like Patty Cake, but a lot more to remember.” He glanced down at Ed’s hands. “Can you play those kinds of games? Or, would you clap and…” He made an exploding noise and made his hands grow wide with fingers outstretched as he illustrated visually.

“I can turn it on and off,” Ed said with a hearty laugh. He didn’t know if the boy had gotten so easily distracted or he feared questioning from the two men, but the little sidetrack was amusing.

“That’s awesome!” Liam said with genuine enthusiasm. “Can you show me how sometime?”

“It’s not something that can be taught,” Ed said. “It’s just something that some people can do. But… I can teach you some alchemy you can do whether or not you do it clapping your hands.” Liam grinned at Ed, and there was no sign of the hurt in the boy’s eyes that had absolutely every right to be there.

********

Roy stood again, but he watched the two talking alchemy for a moment before pulling on a white long-sleeved T-shirt. His mind was being cruel to him at the moment, telling him that it could have always been like this. Ed and Liam chatting away about alchemy—Liam would probably be at least as brilliant as Al, since he would never have the information from the Gate that Ed had—while Roy did his best to keep up.

All of the what-ifs and could-bes weren’t going to help, and he did his best to stop his rebellious mind from thinking of it. He needed to focus on helping his son, not himself.

“Liam,” Roy asked, getting the boy to turn toward him, “can you show Ed the tattoo on your back?”

The boy was hesitant, but nodded. He pulled up the oversized undershirt that Roy had dressed him in last night. Though his lower body was still tangled in the sheet and blanket, the shirt lifted to reveal the markings exactly as his son had drawn them, save for being reversed.

“You did a really good job copying that down,” Ed told him, pushing the shirt back over Liam’s back, which he gave a quick rub as his hand smoothed it down. “Do you know what it’s for?”

Roy glared at Ed. If he had plans to explain to his son that his mother had actually intended to combine him with an animal, to make him a chimera, those plans could stop right now. Liam didn’t need to know what his mother had been planning. He knew enough to know it wasn’t good. He was a boy, he should have…

“Yeah,” a voice said, breaking up his internal tirade. His son’s voice. “I know.”

“How do you know?” Ed asked. He gave Roy a look that clearly said for him to sit on the bed with them.

“Because there are others…” Liam looked over at Roy as his weight shifted them on the mattress. Ed’s hand never stopped rubbing the boy’s back.

“Others how, Liam?” Roy asked.

“Mom would bring people in, people who didn’t have families to take care of them or sometimes a house to go to at night,” Liam said. “It seemed really nice to do, and mom always said they left while I was still asleep. But… I think she lied.”

“What do you mean?” Roy prodded for more information as he lightly scratched at his son’s hair. Like always, Liam leaned into that touch.

“When I got the tattoo… I saw them. Some looked like they used to, but different. All in cages.”

“How did they look different?” Ed asked.

“Depended,” Liam held to his knees as he drew them up to his chest. “ Ears, tails, weird noses, wings. Some didn’t look like people, but I think they used to be.” Then, teary eyes looked up at Roy. “I don’t want to be like that, Daddy.”

Roy wrapped his arms around his son, suddenly grateful he’d cried himself out earlier with Ed. If he hadn’t, he was certain he would have now.

“I’m not going to let it happen,” Roy said. “I promise you. Didn’t I say that Ed’s going to help get rid of the tattoo? We’ll fix this. Promise.”

Ed shifted closer and placed his hand at Liam’s back. “We really will. Promise.”

Liam nodded and gave a faint sniffle. “And Ed too? After mom did me, she did Ed. After I heard him crying, that’s when I called you, Dad.”

“And I’m very glad you did,” Roy said, kissing his son’s forehead. That fact gave him something to think about. His son hadn’t contacted Roy until his pet had been hurt. He held onto Liam for a while, mulling this over before finally checking the clock and seeing it was now the normal time he would be waking his son up.

“Do you think you can manage to go to school today?” Roy asked.

The boy nodded against his father’s chest. “I like school. Elysia made sure all the other kids are really nice to me. It’s a lot better than it was at home.”

Roy rubbed a hand over Liam’s head and ignored the faint twisting in his stomach that after everything, Liam still called that place his home. “Well, then, you’re going to need breakfast, aren’t you? How about waffles? Homemade ones?” Liam looked up at him with a grin. “I don’t hear any opposition to that, but someone’s going to need to get a shower before he goes to school.”

“Go on to your bathroom. I’ll get the waffles started, and Ed can get the chance to get dressed while we’re out of the room.”

Liam gave Roy a tight hug, then turned and did the same to Ed, much to the blond’s surprise. “Thank you.”

“I haven’t done anything yet,” Ed said.

“But you’re trying,” Liam answered as he let him go. He slid off the bed and headed to the door, looking back at Roy just once before heading down the hall. Despite the tear trails on his cheeks, he looked happier, lighter than he had since Roy rescued him from his “home.” The orange-yellow ball of fluff followed him with a graceful leap from the bed.

He looked back at Ed, wearing a tank top and Roy’s pajama bottoms, his hair mussed from sleep, but eyes wide awake. “Well, that turned up a few things I hadn’t expected,” he said. “Look, Al and I will handle the cat. I’ll give him a call. I know he’ll help. I need you to check into disappearances in the town where Liam’s from, as well as check out the stray animal population. Then, get in touch with Melissa Rosenberg. I know you trust her, and she can help us to keep Liam unconscious and monitoring him when we do this. Al knows enough about animals to do so for the other Ed.”

Roy nodded. “Are you sure? Should I be there to know what’s going to happen with Liam?”

“I think it’s better to know what Karen’s been doing and have everything ready to get rid of the tattoo tonight,” Ed said. “The sooner it’s off of him, the better.”

“Absolutely,” Roy said. “I just question how long it will be until Karen makes her move.” The younger man looked up at him with a curious expression. “I no more believe she’s really done with this than you do. She wanted something by doing this to Liam. If she already had a steady supply of lonely and homeless people and stray animals, why go after Liam? And why the cat after him? Don’t get me wrong, I know she hated Ed. I’m not surprised he would be part of the experiments, but I would have thought she would have done him first.”

Ed didn’t look like this was a shock to him. “If you think this is all part of some bigger plan, then why are you willing to take the tattoo onto yourself?”

“Because Liam is my son and my responsibility.”

Ed nodded, and didn’t argue, to the older man’s surprise.

********

Roy was already gone with Liam, going back to the office to investigate. Al had come over to the house simply on the request from his brother. Ed felt the familiar twinge of guilt for how he’d lied about his brother and yet how easy it was for Al to just come to his side when he needed him. Ed knew he couldn’t keep this up for much longer. Al was old enough now that Ed couldn’t just continue to protect him.

He and Al had gone over Ed’s notes a few times before finally luring out the blond’s namesake with a can of tuna.

Shortly after the cat rubbed against Ed’s legs like he was the greatest person in the world, they had managed to knock the cat unconscious with some chloroform that they’d made with alchemy. With it asleep, they proceeded to shave around the cat’s belly.

“Hard to believe this is the one that you rescued those years ago,” Ed said as he carefully ran the razor over the thick white fur of the cat’s stomach. It wasn’t easy work, as he was afraid he would knick the animal with the blades. He was grateful that Liam had told him where to look on the animal’s body. The inner circle of the array was there just as the boy had predicted.

Now, they sat with the cat on the guest bed, still out cold.

“Al… I hate to ask this of you, because it’s going to hurt. A lot…”

“You need me here to take the circle, don’t you?” Al asked.

“Well, that or for you to put it on me,” Ed said. “I’m not going to put a circle on another animal, since an animal can’t tell me yes or no or to stop. And I’m not transferring the whole thing, either.”

“So all of that with the notes, that was to placate me? Make me feel like you cared about my opinion?”

“What? No. Hell no. I don’t want to screw things up with the cat, and definitely not with the kid. I needed your opinion because you’re a damned good alchemist.” Al looked shocked.

“Then why did you write what you did in my file?” Al asked, drawing out the transmutation circle they would need to transfer the tattoos.

“Because you are a brilliant alchemist, you retained all that knowledge in that head of yours without the divine intervention of the Gate, but you aren’t a killer,” Ed said. “Because you were fifteen and blind to the other options available to you and to the fact that Winry was more than a little interested in you.”

“I spoke to Brigadier General Noolan…” Al said, putting the finishing touch on the circle. Ed tried not to glare at his brother. “He approached me, not the other way around. He said he thought you’d lied on my files. You did, then?”

“I did, to an extent. I blamed your alchemy for why you’d make an inferior soldier because the military would be certain they could correct your morals to make you see their way.” Ed gently laid the cat in the circle. “I don’t think they could, but if they did, you wouldn’t be you anymore.” There was silence for a few moments, and Ed hoped that his confession wouldn’t make his brother resent him for making this decision for him.

Al looked over at him. “You need to be with it enough to help Liam. You put the circle on me, and if I need to rest it off, I’ll do it here.”

Ed nodded. “Does that mean you’re not mad at me?”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Al said. “That wasn’t a call for you to make. I need time to think about this.” He gave a defeated chuckle. “At least you put it nicer than Roy did. He was very blunt as he lectured me.”

It was Ed’s turn to look surprised. “Roy lectured you?”

“He found Noolan talking to me,” Al said. “He told Noolan off and then he did to me.”

The older brother found himself smiling as he heard his brother describe what Roy had said. After Al finished and the transmutation was ready to go, the younger man gaped.

“You’ve fallen for him again.”

“No again about it,” Ed said, his smile turning sad. “I’d have had to have fallen out in the first place to do it again. And don’t lecture me on it, Al. If I could change that fact…” If he was perfectly honest, even if he could change what he felt for Roy, he probably wouldn’t. With a sigh, he looked down at the circle and then back at his brother. “Well, there’s no more stalling this.”

“Nope,” Al said, taking off his shirt and stretching his upper body across the circle on the sheets.

“You know how this will hurt, don’t you?” Ed asked. “Because I always can do it instead.”

“I know what I’m getting into. And I’m still here.” He glanced over at Ed as he rested on the bed. “Try to at least make it look cool. I don’t have fur to cover it up.”

“Will do.” Ed clapped his hands together. “And Al… I’m sorry.”

He pressed his hands to the circle and his brother screamed.

********

The moment they were in the door, Liam was calling out for his cat, who promptly came running down the stairs, looking more than a little put out at the lack of fur on his stomach. The boy bent down and looked at the cat’s belly. “Some of the tattoo is still there,” he said as he held Ed the cat in his arms.

“We figured it was safer that way,” Ed, the human one, said as he came down the stairs. “Once the fur grows over, no one would know what symbols are there, and duplicating the symbols is too risky. Any alchemist would know it. So they’d have to shave him like we did, see what’s there.” Roy felt as though there was still something that Ed wasn’t saying. He looked far too pale, as though he might vomit at any moment.

Melissa, who was at his side, seemed to think so as well. She walked over to Ed and asked him a few questions while Roy got Liam to change into his pajama bottoms. Liam was so excited and so trusting that he would actually manage to be free of the tattoo that it took no time for the energetic little boy got his clothes off and pajamas on.

“You didn’t eat anything at school?” Roy asked.

Liam shook his head. “Nope. Dr. Rosenberg said it would make me sick with the medicine to make me go to sleep.” Liam turned around, thankfully, facing that awful marking away from Roy. “I really don’t have to be awake for this? So it won’t hurt?”

Roy nodded. “That’s what Ed said.”

The boy beamed up at his father as he grabbed his hand. “Let’s go then.”

He ran down the stairs and found a very concerned Melissa looking down at Ed. Apparently, in their talk, he’d explained a little bit of what the tattoo would do. Yet, she seemed worried about Ed as much as she was about Liam and Roy. The older man knew just by the atmosphere in the room that there was no way he was going to get any answers at the moment. He just questioned how much of it was Liam’s presence and how much of it was him.

Ed had already drawn the symbol on the floor, which, Roy noted was considerably softer than before.

“For Liam’s sake,” Ed explained. “He’s going to be sleeping on it. It wasn’t hard to change the floor, and I can always change it back.” His voice seemed strange, raspy and as Roy got closer, his eyes looked red.

He mouthed to ask how Ed the cat was, and Ed confirmed the cat was okay. Roy just couldn’t figure out what was affecting Ed like this.

Melissa moved close, seated on a low chair so that she could stand back up again. “Will you be okay sitting in that chair all this time?”

“I can manage,” she said, rubbing her hand over the very noticeable bump. Roy knew there was something entirely wrong with the world that an ex-girlfriend was six months pregnant, dating a person like a sister to him, and helping him with his own child. If he believed in some higher being, Roy was certain that said deity would have one hell of a sadistic sense of humor.

“Is the baby kicking?” Liam asked as he knelt on the floor in front of the doctor.

She nodded and took his hand to place it on her stomach while Liam looked in wonder at the bump beneath his hand.

“Shirt off,” Ed told Roy. In a different situation, before everything went to hell, Roy might have made a joke at the order, but not today. Instead, he obeyed, taking off the long-sleeved shirt he’d worn—he had taken the day off of work and already had the day off tomorrow, so he was not in uniform. He felt Ed’s eyes on him again, Melissa’s as well. Liam was still too fascinated by the baby to pay attention. There was a difference in their gazes. Melissa had not seen the extent of the scarring on his body. Certainly, she hadn’t since he defeated the fuhrer. However, she was a doctor and was very professional as her eyes took in the damage that had been done over the years to his chest, back and most of all, his shoulder. Ed’s gaze was not harsh, not pitying. He knew the scars. He had mapped out the marks with his eyes, fingers and lips before.

“Liam, it’s time for Dr. Rosenberg to put you to sleep for a bit,” Ed said. The little dark head nodded and Melissa slowly began to administer the anesthesia. While she was carefully doing that, Ed guided Roy to lay on his stomach on the soft floor. Roy wasn’t sure what the teen had done to it, but it felt more like they were sleeping on foam than carpeting over wood.

“If you tell me to stop, I will stop,” Ed said.

“I won’t—”

Ed cut him off. “You might. You have no idea how this is going to feel. This isn’t being done at small intervals. This is being done all at once. And it’s going to hurt like hell.”

“I’m going to do it anyway,” Roy replied.

“I thought as much.” Ed ran his automail hand down Roy’s arm. “Lay face down. I’ll get Liam into position. He’s nearly out as it is.”

“Be careful with him.”

“Of course,” Ed said, affecting the slightest tone as though he was hurt Roy might accuse him of being anything but careful.

Roy folded his arms and turned his head so that he could watch as Ed carefully turned the boy into a similar position to the one he was in. Ed was nothing if not gentle with Liam as he placed him on the circle drawn on the floor. Roy thought he saw something blue peeking out of Liam’s ears as he was put into place like a limp marionette.

Earplugs. So that his son wouldn’t hear him scream and wake up prematurely.

And suddenly, Roy had to wonder where Al was, what had happened with the cat, and how Ed was so certain Roy would scream despite a high tolerance for pain.

When Ed clapped his hands and muttered an apology, Roy understood. The moment Ed’s hands and arms connected the gap between father and son, he understood.

He buried his face in his arms, biting down far harder than he should have as it felt as though Ed was alternating from shocking his back to setting it aflame. The coppery taste of blood in his mouth told him that he’d broken the skin, but even the pain now in his arm was not enough to distract as each symbol felt to be etched into his skin, into his body. He never grew accustomed to the pain, as each new symbol brought with it new pain, and he screamed. He cried and yelled, but never told Ed to stop. He would not tell Ed to stop and leave the markings on his son’s back.

Roy had felt pain before, been burned, been shocked, been stabbed, and this was as though all were combined, moving in a circular pattern around his back. He could not voice the words to tell Ed to stop what he was doing, so his body took the only recourse that it had left.

He passed out.