[ Himitsu ]
folder
Dragon Ball Z › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
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20
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Category:
Dragon Ball Z › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
20
Views:
5,769
Reviews:
95
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own DragonballZ, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
[Chapter .17]
Himitsu
Author: Rena "Sama" / 'the light'
Contact: soaringshadow@yahoo.com
Date Posted: 3-16-06
Rated: NC-17
[ Chapter .17 ]
him close to me again. My erection resting against his stomach. His against my leg.
I bet he meant that to hurt. But of course it didn't. I finally let go of him sadly. He frowns at the hand that
punched me. Then his gaze shifts out to the endless expense of white, at the trees, everywhere that
wasn't occupied by my naked, aroused body.
away. He walks. Slowly. Like he didn't really want to leave at all.
he ignores my plea for attention. The sound of snow crunching under his feet get softer and softer. With every
step he puts between us, I feel colder and colder. The chill seeps down to my bones as I slowly become aware
of my own state of undress in the sub freezing temperatures. The tingle dancing over my lips begins to fade
and my loathing for winter grows.
I'm both out of the tub and completely nude and not even bothering to hide it. What for? The only person
who's really looking just left.
is by now, only someone who watched him as closely and as desperately as I do would have been to
see him.
what's left of my marriage vows and fidelity? Shouldn't I be struggling against... this... just as passionately
as he? Did Chichi and Bulma really mean so little to me?
are we supposed to go from here? How could there ever be a 'we?' Why can't I get him off my mind? Why is
it that only minutes after he left, I'm craving him like I'd never had him at all? My arms ache to hold him
again. Why do I want him so badly? Was he really that attractive? Was that really all there was to it?
His looks? Am I so shallow?
other reality in my life. I sigh wearily.
me for my clothes. I scoop up a little snow with them and put the bundle against my crotch. The cold in such
a place as you may have guessed is rather ... uncomfortable. My erection hates the cold as much as I do. It
retreats just as quickly as Bejiita did. I throw my orange pants on and tug my blue under shirt over my head.
Dragging myself back into the confines of my home, the wooden door shuts behind me like iron bars.
[ ..... ]
themselves in work, sex, or any activity that helps them avoid the things that worry them. Bejiita chooses to run
from his need and guilt with distance and preferably, violence. Neither of which have worked for me.
For either of us really. So I choose a very different way to 'deal.'
as possible. I sleep. I spend the better part of the day sprawled out on the couch. In slumber, my mind is free to do
and go wherever it pleases. I don't have to worry about any possible impropriety when my body reacts faster
than my mind can tell it to stop. Or the pang I feel from the lack of suspicion in Chichi's dark, trusting eyes.
Trust that has been bestowed to me so wrongfully. She knows nothing, and I'm sure suspects nothing. Somehow
that makes it so much worse. So much harder to look at my own face in the mirror.
don't want to fix. But even here... I can't escape from him.
[ ..... ]
complicated. Forced to battle problems that are much larger than myself only because I'd let them get that way.
On top of that, I have to essentially re-learn myself now that I'm aware of how much it is I really don't know.
[ ..... ]
from the roof of my house. Sounds dull? You bet. I can think of a million things I'd rather be doing. And
of course one person. But as much as I hate being cooped up, I can't even leave the house. Or rather I
shouldn’t. This is the only place in the world he's guaranteed not to be in. Leaving will almost ensure
that we'll somehow, in some unfathomable way, find each other, and I'll have another notch to add
on my ever growing list of wrongs and failures.
veins. Luckily I keep myself from jumping.
little longer than he needs to before he scurries out the door.
"Thanks! Bye Mom! Be back later!" he yells as he zips up his puffy coat. He runs through the door,
full of energy for whatever it is he really plans to do.
As usual. I breathe a little easier when it shuts behind him.
to her more than I already have.
doesn't know. If I could just tell her everything. Have her understand... she'd know what to do wouldn't she?
from Bejiita.
something up. But since you're here, why don't you come with me?"
to refuse even her craziest, or most boring whims. Not after what I'd done. What I most certainly will
do again.
[ ..... ]
Chichi. I'd either be buried up to my ass in boxes of shoes she'll never wear. Or straining to stop the
avalanche of clothes she's bought from toppling and killing other shoppers. But not this time.
We're shopping for food.
isle and take it all in. This is not at all the kind of market I envisioned. The place was easily the size of
West City Mall. But instead of being broken up into smaller, separate clothing and nick knack stores,
it's all just food! Can you believe it!? Cuisine and delicacies that I'd never even dreamed of! In
quantities that even I think are generous!
A kid in a candy store. Ahh the healing power of gluttony.
behavior. A side of me that hasn't come out to play in some time.
cart. We travel through the maze of a store as Chichi checks item after item of a very lengthy list. 'A
few things' to get she says. I don't mind at all. Being here with her now, just feels so calming. Just...
right. Like I'm re-learning what a healthy, easy, normal relationship with my wife is supposed to feel like.
What it's like to go a whole hour without my hands itching to feel Bejiita's bare, perspiring skin under
them. She smiles while pushing the cart and tells me what she plans to make for dinner. I love her smile.
It's nice to see it again, even if I don't deserve it. Times like these make me feel as if our relationship
isn't doomed. That one day when I summon up the courage to tell her, maybe she really would forgive me.
Perhaps beating what plagued me isn't so desperately impossible.
albeit slowly, again.
and ruin the feelings that try so hard to put me at ease. My eyes search frantically for a blue spandex
clad form, only to find none. Again I'm not sure if it's relief or disappointment churning in my
stomach. When he's not around, I slowly go back to being something akin to normal. I never realized
how much I took the mundane for granted. Why am I even looking for him?! I should be glad he's not
around. Glad for a moment's peace. Am I actually hoping he'll come tempt me again? Come along with his
disgustingly enticing little self and make me break Chichi's heart and destroy my marriage?
[ ..... ]
time with my wife. I teleport us and the insane amount of food we've purchased home. Goten still hasn't
returned from his 'movie.' I don't expect to see him for several more hours.
her old favorites. We spend hours together. Alone. Something we rarely ever do anymore. We talk. We
actually talk. About nothing at all of importance. But that hardly matters. Our time is quiet and serene. She
reads, we have another snack, and make jokes about what Goten may be up to. She eventually drifts off
to sleep on the love seat next to me. And do you want to know what? Something really is wrong with
this picture. I am too calm. Not once, in all this time, with all our privacy, even with the house completely
to ourselves, as perpetually aroused as I feel I am, did I even think of sex with her. Or at all. This was
the kind of opportunity teens cut class for. The kind where adults called out sick, or rush home on their
lunch breaks* to get. The opportunity people spend countless dollars renting luxurious suites in
hotels thousands of miles away from their squealing children to get. Neither one of us thought of using
this time the way so many other couples only dream of.
place I thought was healthy, there was something I couldn't force or fix with smiles, cuddling, or errands.
ignoring the fact that Bejiita's was indeed the same color.
at first, almost shyly. She kisses me back tenderly. My heart beats steadily. Her cool breath is against
my face as I run my fingers through her satiny hair. I pull at the pins holding the bun of her dark tresses
in place. Her now freed locks cascade down over my hands as she sighs happily. I suck on her bottom lip but
feel no urge to deepen the kiss. I pull away slowly. The separation of our lips makes no noise. Chichi gives
me a small smile with her eye still closed as she quickly drifts back to sleep. Back into slumber's warm
embrace. I watch her face with it's milky skin and small pouty pink lips as she sleeps. With her dark hair
framing her oval shaped face it's easier to see how attractive she really is. My heart sinks. She's pretty,
fiery, a great cook, and gave me two beautiful and often disobedient children.
of how wrong it all was and how much I wanted more of it. His dark, menacing eyes and disdainful voice
drew me in. Then an unquenchable need burned away my concern for everything else.
of the... magnetism that constantly draws me towards Bejiita.
Everything I always assumed would be there, all those things I took for granted, all the things I took comfort
in knowing they were basic truths, things I didn't even have to think twice about... Gone. This kiss... if you
could even call it that, makes me see how much had really changed between us. Or perhaps, it had always
been this way. Now that I have something to compare it to do I see the problem for what it really is.
Everything I thought I knew about our relationship, about us, seems so horribly unreliable.
[ ..... ]
traces of what is so undeniably masculine. The lights are off and steam seeps through the open door to his
private bathroom. Small sections of the room are lit with pale light from the half moon through the window.
As my eyes adjust to the dark, I look around the room. I take a deep breath when I finally spot him
sitting on his unmade bed.
he is, pissed, frustrated, and gorgeous. Like he'd walked out of one of my many dreams and had been lying in
wait for the exact fucking moment that I realized I couldn't last long without him. That he could give me
what no on else couldn't. As if fate had planned this down to the second. It had waited for me to breathe
that one sigh of recognition, when I just knew my life would never be the same. That I would never be the
same. I sneer. A habit I so obviously picked up from him. I resent and adore him for all that's happened.
He makes me hard as quickly as he makes me angry.
hands are already balled into fists. He whips his arm around to punch the side of my head with a left hook.
Knowing the move he planned to use before he even throws the punch, I let his fist connect with my temple.
Happy to have his hand son me again as my head jerks to the right. OF course, I turn and I punch him right
back. He stands with his fists raised, staring me down. I guess this is our way of saying hello. He breathes
heavily though we've barely fought at all. Noticing his punch did not have the desired effect, he moves to
kick me, but I catch his leg before it can do any damage. Then, I very slowly let it go.
exact way I see him. A tormentor. A thorn in his side. A hindrance from letting him enjoy what would otherwise
have been a normal life. I find myself moving closer to the sound of his voice in the dark room, annoyed that
I can see him but not feel his body heat.
sure that his eyes stay fastened on the passing clouds through the window instead of the growing bulge in
my pants.
really isn't what I had in mind.
the snow and the feeling of the chilly wind across my bare skin, his hair though my fingers, his tongue in my
mouth. Why do I keep thinking of that? His cool, sparse room suddenly seems much warmer. "Talk or leave
Kakarotto," he says brusquely, noticing the change in temperature. Wanting me away from him and his hungry
eyes as quickly as possible. He trusts himself around me about as well as I'm trusted around food.
he's barely suppressing the urge to kill me. His murderous eyes burn me with scorn yet linger on my face as if
it was the only thing in the world worth looking at. I try and fail to ignore the tremble that runs through me.
the talking kind.
nothing as he moves off the bed entirely and away from me. I watch him intensely.
I still remember the weight and the warmth of his trembling body in my arms that day in the tub. Why do I
keep thinking of that!?
quick glance as if he expected someone to hear us. He backs towards the window, ready to fly out into
the night in his boxers at a moment's notice just to keep away from me. Keep from making another... mistake.
I've seen him in a while.
door when I move closer.
where you...we can run and hide where we won't find each other." I reach for his shoulder this time. He bats
my hands away again and again. But I don't give up.
finally hold him by the shoulders. His skin is unusually warm.
something we would inevitably not be able to control. I can tell his face is getting red even if my eyes
were closed.
with a weary expression as he grabs my hand and pushes two of my fingers against my forehead.
he looks down at the floor.
desperately, as if I were dying and they were the only things that would save me. A heavy exhalation. The pale
light from the window caresses his finely made features. He swallows audibly as I run my thumb under his
bottom lip.
His cheeks and the tips of his ears burn bright red. Deep breath. He shakes his head, his hands begin to curl into
fists again as if he would strike.
God he's so warm...
giving me his back. I grab him by his shoulders and forcefully turn him around so I can at least see his face. He stares
down at the ground sneering and muttering under his breath.
His dark eyes burn furiously as if to say 'how dare you put your hands on me again!' 'How dare you make me deal
with this?!' 'How dare you tempt me...'
The tight scowl of his mouth relaxes and suddenly, I don't have the chance to say anything more.
sweltering kiss. So much like our first, yet something is different. This wasn't a kiss based so much on the body's
unbearable, violently powerful demands for satisfaction. But something that went beyond the pulsing flesh between
his legs. Something intangible. His hands tangle and pull the hair at the back of my head as if he actually expected
me to pull away. "Nnnmh!" he growls into my mouth and crushes his lips hard against mine. I mold my body against his
and wrap my arms around his small frame. Shivering, I moan into his mouth constantly. It amazes me how much I want
him. Like I needed this to stay sane. It bothers me that this kiss was so different from the one I shared with my own
wife. That kiss was so tepid. Even cold. This kiss is alive. A hot blooded, living, breathing entity all it's own. I barely
understand why kissing Bejiita... this man, was so alarmingly satisfying. Why his mouth on mine evoked feelings
that overtake me and rob me of my reason, of my breath, and of any hope of remaining even the least bit faithful to Chichi.
Continued.
A/N
1. This was the kind of opportunity teens cut class, or adults called out sick, or rush home on their lunch breaks to get.*
When people go home during lunch for the purposes of having sex, it's referred to as a "nooner." :o)