[ Himitsu ]
[Chapter .18]
Himitsu
Author: Rena "Sama" / 'the light'
Contact: soaringshadow@yahoo.com
Date Posted: 4-7-06
Rated: NC-17
[ Chapter .18 ]
with an angry, sweltering kiss. So much like our first, yet something is different. This wasn't a kiss
based so much on the body's unbearable, violently powerful demands for satisfaction. But something
that went beyond the pulsing flesh between his legs. Something intangible. His hands tangle and
pull the hair at the back of my head as if he actually expected me to pull away. "Nnnmh!" he growls
into my mouth and crushes his lips hard against mine. I mold my body against his and wrap my arms
around his small frame. Shivering, I moan into his mouth constantly.
kiss was so different from the one I shared with my own wife. That kiss was so tepid. Even cold.
This kiss is alive. A hot blooded, living, breathing entity all its own. I barely understand why
kissing Bejiita... this man, was so alarmingly satisfying. Why his mouth on mine evoked feelings that
overtake me and rob me of my reason, of my breath, and of any hope of remaining even the least
bit faithful to Chichi.
circles. The sensitive pads of my fingertips relish the scarred yet perfect skin under them.
The dim lighting of the room somewhat impairs my vision. So my fingers become my eyes. Palms
glide over him endlessly as they memorize every imperfection, every curve and contour of
him. They learn the shape and bulge of battled toned sinew. The weight, texture and surprising
softness of his hair. I bathe in the feel of him in my arms. I drown myself in the incredibly
arousing notion that this was Bejiita and no one else. That all his anger, talents, fire, allure
and everything that made him, everything that drew me to him, for this little span of time,
however fleeting, was mine.
possessiveness than I knew I had, nearly startling him with my intensity. Suddenly everything
seems to be moving so fast as he devours my mouth. His hands roam over my sensitive body
frantically. Breathing becomes difficult as the heat rushes to every part of me he touches. His
lips never leave mine and my eyes widen when I feel his hand push down between our impossibly
close bodies to stroke me through my clothes. "IINh!!" A high pitched whine is wrenched from me.
My head gets painfully hot and I whimper into his mouth as his fingers tighten around me.
I'm never quite able to get enough air into my lungs. "Unnh!!" As his fingers close even tighter
around me, my quivering legs suddenly refuse to hold me up anymore and he releases my lips with
a wet, smacking sound. I abruptly slide down to the floor in a heap of trembling want.
spins above him. Sweat drips down my brow and into my eyes. Sitting up, I bring my hand to my
forehead when the dizzy spell fails to fade.
my hand out of the way and kisses me again. Immediately pushing me down flat against the wood
floor with the force of his kiss and the inevitable that we always felt compelled to fight. He bites
my bottom lip before pushing his tongue into my mouth. I'll never tire of this. Which is part of the
problem. He leans into me, sucking at the small wound he had made. The hand in my hair slides
down and he grinds a fist against my ribs. "HSss!!" I shudder violently under him and he shakes
with me.
"Rgggh!!" Bejiita's eyes widen and he struggles to get back on top. He tries to push my head away
before he settles for punching me in the head. I punch him right back before ducking beneath the
fist he swings to lap at the sensitive flesh of his left nipple. Its rosy and round and somehow
just perfect. He struggles and pants as I roll it under my tongue roughly. "M..Oonh!" Bejiita's
a thick, throaty moan twists another knot in my stomach. As if to reward me, he punches at my
shoulder. I grab his hand and hold it down.
doing this all wrong. But of course he doesn't, he merely punches me and groans. Only we can
see that as the encouragement it really is. Letting instinct take over, I let my tongue do as it wishes.
I wind it around the rapidly hardening nub. Sucking, and nipping, and pulling but remembering
not to neglect its twin. "Nnn..." His free hand grasps the hair on the side of my head as if he
would try to push me away again. I scrape my teeth over it and he pulls my hair tighter, arching
his back.
him with an angry yet undeniably aroused expression. I watch him as he watches me. I
smooth my hands up and down his torso, across tanned, perspiring skin and toned muscle.
"HHnn!" He breathes hard and I let go of his right hand, allowing it to find its way into my
hair again. He's still pulling the strands taut, but not in an effort to stop me. Merely like he
wanted to bring me pain for making him feel pleasure. For putting him right back into a
situation he swore he'd never find himself in again. I can hear him biting his bottom lip
hard through his moaning as he twists and bucks under me.
My tongue ventures lower, past the dips and quivering muscles of his stomach. Then lower still.
Bejiita takes in small shuddering breaths and sits up suddenly. He watches me in angry, petulant
fascination. I stare at him and the straining flesh under the thin fabric of his boxers. My
hands begin to shake when I slowly pull them off. My stomach knots and coils when a dark
thatch of hair first becomes visible. Then, what I've been waiting for as I pull them down and
off completely.
nude many times. Why does now feel so different? His hardness stands up rigidly between his
powerful legs and I swallow audibly. Being head to head with him makes my face burn. My
head swims with giddy, aroused unease and I wonder if I've bitten off more than I can chew.
Literally. He watches me and my needy uncertainty, breathing harder now.
succeeding in making the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I stare at his hardness
as if I'd never seen it before. He lets out a frustrated huff of air. By some miracle the room
manages to get even warmer when his fingers weave through my hair, silently understanding and
encouraging me to go on. Yet his actions portray unusual impatience. Blood rushes past my ears.
Desire thrums through me at a terrifying rate. My god I have no idea what I'm doing! I close my
eyes quickly. Shutting out the image of his throbbing erection only a few inches from my face.
Trying to shut him out, shut out my attraction to him... to this. The atmosphere of the room is palpable.
Even the very air is tinged with Bejiita as I struggle to breathe. It's like he's everywhere. I feel
him shift under me and my eyes snap open when something thick and hot is rubbed across my face.
He strokes his hardened flesh over my left cheek and across the bridge of my nose. My mouth
waters and I shudder violently when he passes it over my lips, smearing precum over them. I bite
down on my tongue before it snakes out to lap up what he's left on me. Something about all this
seems so deliciously wrong. My mind whirls. Powerful need wars with guilt and the drive to do what
I think is right, or at least what I've been told is right.
gravelyness of his voice betrays the intensity of his need and it's almost unbearable. He shifts
under me and pulls me forward just a little bit more, pushing the dripping tip against my lips
insistently. His hardened flesh is boiling hot against my mouth. My breath comes in small pants.
He smells absolutely divine.
powerful my own yearning for him truly is. "Hssss!" he hisses on contact. The tip is unbelievably
smooth against my lips. I feel myself harden even more as I lick him with tentative sweeps of my tongue.
elbows, he never taking his dark eyes off me. He watches me intensely. "Ka...karo...tto...!" I finally
open my mouth and let him in. He doesn't thrust into my mouth like I know he wants to. Letting me
set the pace and depth for now. It feels so strange, having him inside me this way. Strange in a
way I somehow can't get enough of.
know the width and girth of him. The texture and taste. I let my tongue slide along the curvature
of his thick shaft. "UUghhh!" A guttural groan pushes through his teeth. The more I lap at him
the more I love it. Slowly, the motions go from seeming foreign to rather natural. As if this is
something I'd done all along. I close my eyes and worship him with my mouth. "Gnhn!!!." He lets
out a needy grunt with every bob of my head. Every slide of my lips down his shaft. Every slurp
and every sigh makes my stomach flutter. The throbbing between my legs becomes painful so I
suck faster. "Oon.!" It's wonderful to be with someone who so thoroughly enjoys what I do
for them. The knowledge of that is incredibly arousing all its own.
throat. They quickly rise in volume before he slaps a hand over his mouth and looks towards the
door. We are both acutely aware of every movement of my tongue as I glide it over his throbbing
length and bulbous tip enthusiastically. Loving the feeling of him in my mouth. I lave my tongue
over every inch of it.
to the floor. The muscles in his stomach bunch and quiver as he undulates his hips towards my
mouth languidly. We moan together as I try to get as much of him in my mouth as I can. He runs his
fingers through my hair and scrapes his nails against my scalp. Sitting up suddenly, he and pulls
my head back and slowly pushes himself into my waiting mouth. I tighten my lips around him
as I'd seen Bulma do and watch his face teeter between painful arousal and disbelief as he
watches himself disappear and reappear from my mouth.
to do this. Now I know what I was missing. I didn't realize how much I envied her.
clenches his teeth, grunts, and growls in the way that I've grown to love before his head flops
back down to the ground and he releases my hair. I suck on him hard. Amazed by my own skill,
all things considered. Wet slurping and the sound of Bejiita's back and legs moving against the
floor as he writhes under me are all I can hear. I lap and slurp at his weeping tip.
out of a trance. He sits up abruptly and watches me with a panicked expression. "UNH!"
Hands are in my hair again before one slaps over his mouth to keep his noises at bay.
covering his mouth. His dark eyes darting from me to the door and back again. Like he just
noticed the unholy racket he was making. I love hearing him.
Breathing rapidly he pulls my hair until I feel a few strands come out. "NNH!.. Nn..stop!" he says
again in the tiniest of voices. He uses both hands now to push my head away while trying to
pull himself out of my mouth. Refusing to let him go, I continue tormenting him with my mouth.
Bejiita trembles and struggles against me furiously. Legs kicking. Nails digging into my back,
teeth clenched as he tries not to moan.
I'm under him again. Back on top where he feels he belongs, he thinks he can catch his breath.
Ironically this position only pushes him deeper into my mouth.
more strength than I thought he could muster at the time, he forces himself up just enough to
scoot back and pull out of my adoring mouth. I lick my lips, feeling annoyed that he refused
to let me please him. Let me taste my delicious reward straight from its source.
"Bastard!" he yells panting. His peculiar way of saying 'that felt good.’ With groans and
violence and snarls. He wants so much to hate me for making him feel pleasure despite his
efforts not to. For showing him once and for all that he wanted me just as much as I want him.
Trembling with want and rage that he'd 'let' me tempt him, let me control the situation for
so long, he crouches over me menacingly. He leans down and licks across my bottom lip for
anything he may have left there. His eyes burn on me hungrily, yet somehow he looks positively
enraged at the same time.
and himself. The words rumble out of his chest before he attacks my mouth again. "Unh!" a jolt
goes through me every time our lips meet. He tears his lips away before I've had my fill of them.
Hands grab at either side of my collar before he pulls them apart, splitting my shirt right down
the middle. Then he reaches underneath the mattress of his bed and pulls out a bottle. It's half
full and clearly used more than once. I'm sure you can guess what he plans to do with it. With me...
off. Tossing them aside as if they'd offended him. He sits back on his heels and stares at me openly.
I feel absolutely no urge to cover myself from the heat of his gaze. Of course he's seen me naked
before, a few times in fact. But judging from the way his eyes burn on me now, it never seems to
matter. I always feel naked when his eyes are on me. They're always my undoing.
breathe as he grabs my left thigh and pushes my leg out of the way. He reaches for the bottle
He has a hard time flicking the cap open with his thumb. Once open, shaky hands squeeze the
slippery substance onto his throbbing length.
Nothing is said, and there's only the sound of harsh panting and low grunts as he slicks the
substance over himself. He leans over me and brings his forehead to rest against mine. Bejiita
reaches down between us and his fingers brush against the skin just below my navel. "Hn!"A
startled moan is pulled from me the instant his hand makes contact. I tremble incessantly. He's
barely even touching me! I have no idea I'm so sensitive until his hands are on me.
skin. His nails scrape the muscular flesh of my lower abdomen as if punishing me. He takes his
torment a step further and an oily hand reaches for the hardness that screams for him. His
talented fingers wrap around me and I immediately take in a sharp, shuddering breath before
immediately releasing it as a breathy moan.
on me. I watch him wide eyed as he works. His wrist and hands undulating as it moves up and
down my shaft. His fingers tightening as he moves towards the tip and loosening towards the
base. "HHss...!" My head lolls from side to side on the floor. My back arches as he pumps
faster. My eyes roll shut and I'm not able to sit up and watch him anymore.
feel his hands slide past the base of my erection and push against something that's never
been touched by anyone other than myself. My eyes snap open at the strange, yet not at all
unpleasant sensation. Bejiita pushes the pads of his middle and index fingers against it.
Smearing the oil there with smooth circular motions of his hands.
deeply and haphazardly when he pushes my legs apart and lies between them. I stop breathing
entirely when he slowly eases into me. My eyes widen and he kisses me harder.
was more. More pain, to cause more pain, to endure more of it. Just more. Always more. We are addicted
to the very things that will be our undoing. He was my undoing. Was I his?
air I won't give them. He breathes shallowly as he kisses me, watching my face as I strain under him.
Of all we've done here tonight we are both completely silent during this. My fingers dig into his back
and he bites my lip as he pushes all the way in, whimpering slightly. He has the strangest look in his
eyes. Like he wanted this so much he began to hate himself for it. Like what we were doing was
beautiful, loathsome, intimate and horrible all at once.
forces me to breathe with the strangeness of the sensation. There are still no words. The slick
sound of his steady thrusting can be heard over our ever increasing gasps for breath. He never
takes his eyes off me. He barely even blinks as he watches my eyes roll to the back of my head when
the burning of his thrusts melts into those that make me want to scream his name.
a sound. Bejiita breathes harder above me. His eyebrows lowered in concentration. Now, he can
barely keep his eyes open. My whole body is pushed back and forth against the floor under him.
Bejiita's eyes begin to roll closed but he forces them open again as he speeds up. His breathing
goes from pants to sharp hisses. He tries to stifle the inevitable sounds of his pleasure. Blood
trickles down his chin as he bites his lip so hard it bleeds. I feel my blood boiling under my skin
as it rushes to my face and between my legs. My heels scrape against the floor as I mindlessly
lift my hips to meet his thrusting. "NH!!!" I learn very quickly that this angle allows him to plunge
in deeper, make his strokes fuller, longer, more excruciating and exquisite. My eyes snap open.
The feeling is a little more than my overly sensitive body can handle.
and fail to muffle my moaning with my hands, trembling violently as his thrusts pushed me
towards a place I knew all too well and yet not at all. Bejiita pumps his lean hips faster now.
I groan piteously behind my fingers as my vision gets spotty.
He growls and grunts viscously. His face contorts as if every time he thrust into me, he was
somehow hurting himself. In many ways he was. Yet he does not stop. A masochist to the
first degree.
him more aware of himself. Biting his lip is not enough to silence him. Not even breaking his
rhythm, he slaps his hand over his mouth as well. Just in time as footsteps wander past his
door and stop.
caring voice travels through the door.
against mine.
my hand away from my mouth so I can push two fingers against my forehead. I shake my head
furiously. I struggle to keep my hand in place, because it's the only thing keeping me from
shouting. The only thing keeping Bunni from finding us. Though secretly I wished she would
see us. Though I can't fathom why.
me against his better judgment. As if he could no longer control the lower half of his body.
I bite down on my tongue and quickly push two fingers against my forehead. But I can barely
concentrate enough to think of where to go.
sounded in my ears.
the knob over our panting. You think we'd stop. Or at least slow down. You'd think guilt
would get the better of us and we wouldn't be able to keep doing this. But you're wrong.
[ ..... ]
He'd been holding back, and so have I. He pumps hard and fast. Our coupling is violent and achingly
needy at the same time. It's almost too much. Almost.
promises and vows and trusts broken because we needed this so desperately. This thing that
has no name and no justifiable place in our lives. Having to hide it from everyone, even ourselves.
Every time he pushes himself into me is like slapping Bulma in the face. Every moan we pull from
each other is like stomping on Chichi's broken heart. Every time he pump I moan louder. When I
moan louder he pumps faster. It hurts. It hurts right down in the middle of my chest with every
beat of my heart of how I'm betraying her. Of how much I enjoy doing so. That because of me, of
this, none of us would... could ever be the same. It hurts in a way that makes me so terribly sad, yet
sets my body on fire and drives me insane with ecstasy.
of our bodies. My back arches off the cold floor and my body winds itself tight as if preparing
to spring at any moment. The chaotic frenzy of my own pleasure is terrifying. I hold onto Bejiita's
gyrating form for dear life.
Sweat drips down from his brow and onto my cheek as he moves above me. "HNn!" his moans get
shorter and harsher as he nears the edge. Mine get longer, and turn my voice into a garbled mess as
if the sounds were dragged out of me against their will.
anyone to know how he made me feel. I drag my nails down his back, breaking his oddly perfect skin.
As if only near the edge do I realize why he wanted to hurt me so.
pumped much harder. Snarling at me before letting out a small, throaty, yelp of a moan when I wrap my legs
around him tightly nearly crushing his ribs.
I couldn't help it. Couldn't help saying it. I couldn't help anything I did with him.
with something scorching hot. His eyes rolling to the back of his head and his teeth dig into his lip
as he takes the last plunge into my body. He collapses into a boneless heap on top of me shortly after.
[ ..... ]
evaporates from our skin, leaving goose bumps and a deep, beautiful yet painful sense of satisfaction.
What made it beautiful was that it was so fleeting. What made it painful was for everything that had
changed, every thought and feeling that raged inside us manifest themselves in a way that is quite
self destructive.
His faced turned away so I can't see it. I can feel the anger rolling off of him and spilling into
my own feelings of frustration at the situation.
[ ..... ]
or tender words after our coupling. Bejiita shrugs my hand off his shoulder and closes the door
after Bunni opened it. He makes a face as he picks his boxers and the bottle of oil up off
the floor. Having a somewhat difficult time walking, I move towards my pants and the shredded
fragments of my shirt, trying to ignore the unease in the pit of my stomach.
not stained with seamen, or reeking of the sweet, heady tang sex. He opens and closes drawers in
a robotic manner, saying nothing. The rigidness of his bare back, and the tension in his shoulders
give him away every time.
near a gold framed picture of Bulma and himself leaning against the mirror. Bejiita stares at his
own angry face in the mirror before he pulls his arm back and rams a fist into his own reflection.
The glass shatters around his hand and drops to the floor noisily. Bejiita shakes like a leaf and
slowly looks down at his bloody fist with no expression.
jutting out of his knuckles instead of at the door.
forgave him for anything. I look at him sadly. I can hear the pain in his voice. I want so much to
soothe it away, even though I'm the cause of it. My... our selfish needs will cost us, if not now
then someday. I run my fingers through the hair at the nape of his warm neck.
Continued.
A/N
1.For some reason this chapter was very difficult to write.