Crying To The Walls
part 2
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CRYING TO THE WALLSdir=RTL style='font-size:10.0pt'>
PART TWO
*
* *
shouldn’t have expected a ‘forever’.”
think we should start seeing other people.”
it would be good for us to break up for a while.”
no such thing as ‘forever’.”//
Cruel words. They were
such cruel words... They lingered onto his skin and didn’t let go. Wouldn’t let
go. See other people. No more Duo. Duo didn’t want him anymore. No more
forever. There was no such thing as forever.
Heero fell down to his
knees, looking up at Duo with wide and tearful eyes. Tears ran down his pale
cheeks, staining his lovely face with waterfalls of misery. His mouth was still
open in shock, his lips trembling to keep from crying.
“No...” He cried,
voice begging. “I t wat want other people...” He continued sobbing, looking up
at Duo, his eyes begging him to take those awful words back. “I don’t want
anyone else! I want you!” He screamed, sobbing hard. He was holding Duo’s shirt
now, his fists clutched around the thin fabric, and he pulled it, like a pet
seeking attention. “Duo! Please! Why are you doing this? Why now? What did I
do? Please tell me what I did wrong...” He howled, more tears pouring out of
his baby-blue eyes. “Duo...” His head suddenly dropped down, and he sniffled
pathetically. “Duo...”
“I’m sorry, Heero.”
The braided man answered quietly, voice neutral. He reached down a hand and
petted the top of Heero’s bowed head. He sighed deeply. “But it’s just not it
anymore. I’m sorry. I can’t go on like this, it’s not fair to you and it’s not
good for me. The spark is gone. No one is to blame, it’s just like that.”
Again Heero sniffled,
his sobs calming down. “You’re sick of me...”
Duo nearly winced at
the heartbroken voice, his caressing of Heero’s hair stopping. He withdrew his
hand from the silken stands and placed it gently under Heero’s chin. He lifted
the broken boy’s head up, violet meeting blue. He smiled sadly at him.
“It was good while it
lasted, Heero. But it had to end sometime. Now is the time, I’m afraid.”
“I can be better...”
Heero whispered, voice hoarse from tears. He looked up at his braided love,
eyes glistering with tears. “Tell me what to do...”
“Go out. Live. Meet
other people. You’re still so young, and there’s so much more out there for
you...” He explained softly, caressing Heero’s damp cheek.
The Japanese boy
closed his eyes and leaned into the caress, lingering to the last shred of
tender touch he will get from the one he loved.
“It doesn’t mean we
can’t see each other anymore. We can still be friends. Breaking up doesn’t mean
breaking all connections.”
Heero opened his eyes
and looked up at him, confused. “I can still live here? With you?”
Duo smiled gently. “If
you so choose.”
Heero forced hims
to
to smile back. “Aa. That’s what I choose.” He answered, voice determined.
Determined to get Duo back. To make him like him again. He will learn how, he
didn’t care what he had to do. He will learn. He will get Duo back. No matter
what.
*
* *
Three weeks passed
since that awful night that had left Heero’s heart in shredded and bleeding
pieces. They still lived together, though now Duo slept on the couch rather
than in their bedroom. He said it was okay with him, but Heero still felt
guilty for having the bed. He offered to take the couch instead of Duo, but the
braided boy said that since he’s hardly home, it’s only fair that Heero took
the bed.
Sadly enough, it was
true. Duo was never home these days. He was always ‘out’. Either it was out
clubbing, going to a pub, hanging out with friends, going out on dates; it was
always ‘out’. And Heero was always left behind, alone and very much depressed.
He was lonely, lonelier than he had ever been in his life. The house was too quiet,
too dark, too cold without a braided boy with a cheeky face to lighten up the
place with his laughter and endless chatter. The television was a poor
substitute.
So Heero ed
ed
himself with housework. He cleaned and sparkled even if the place didn’t show
one crumb of dust. He cooked and he baked and he fixed things and he did
ANYTHING he could think of to make Duo notice how useful he was.
But Duo was never home
to see it. Heero would still cook for him, still wait for him to come home and
sit with him, maybe just talk with him, if only briefly. All he wanted was to
catch just one smile, just one playful wink at his direction. That’s all he
wanted. He missed being the center of Duo’s attention. Of Duo’s affection. He
missed being touched, kissed and caressed. He missed the pleasant conversations
they used to have. He missed the silent and pleasant moments they shared. He
missed being seen, he missed the days when he was not invisible to Duo.
Duo... the Duo who was
a lover and a friend, not just a mere roommate.
He missed his Duo, but
Duo wasn’t his anymore.
“Hey! No slacking off
on the job, boss!” A familiar voice called in mock-reproach. “If Une catches
you daydreaming like that, you’ll be so fired - on a rocket!”
Heero looked up from
his blank computer screen, blinking rapidly. It took him a while to register
exactly who was the figure leaning so casually against his monitor,
grinning like an idiot. When he did realize, he jumped up, shocked.
“D--Duo...” He
stammered, quickly collection the scattered papers off his desk and arranging
them neatly. “Wha--what are you doing here?”
Duo grinned and pushed
himself off the monitor, now merely standing behind Heero’s desk. “To see how
you’re doing. You seem to be doing a lot of daydreaming lately. Anything I should
know about?” He asked with a smirk.
Heero glared at him.
“No. There’s nothing to know.” He answered, putting his papers aside. “I was
thinking about the assignment.”
“Right...” Duo rolled
his eyes, still smirking.
“Duo! Stop that! I’m
serious.”
“You always are...”
The braided boy sighed in amusement.
Heero sighed and
slumped back into his chair. The relationship between the two of them was so
strange. On the outside, they acted like best buds. Exchanging puns and such,
having lunch together sometimes, fighting over trivial things at work, all in
all, a pretty ordinary friendship. Duo seemed to be very comfortable with it,
but Heero on the other hand, was dying inside. It was so hard for him to act so
freely and friendly with Duoen oen on the inside, he was crying, begging him to
touch him, hug him, come back to him...
It was all
superficial, the way he acted next to Duo. He was just acting nice so Duo will
keep hanging around him. But all he really wanted was to cry instead of
smiling. To die instead of living. It was better form this pathetic existence
in a lie. A lie he fed himself everyday, thinking Duo would be back to him.
That he wanted to be back with him. That Duo would take him back if he’ll show
him that he was better. That he was worth of his love and attention.
He was getting sick of
this lie.
“Ne, Hee-chan.” Duo
called suddenly, jerking Heero out of his musings. He looked up at Duo, raising
an eyebrow.
“Nani?”
“I’ve got a question.
A serious one.” Duo explained, pulling out a chair, turning it so the backside
was facing the front and sitting down. He leaned on the backside of the chair.
He looked Heero straight in the eye, face dead serious. “I wasn’t joking when I
said that you should go out and experience new things. I hate seeing you cooped
up at home all the time.”
Heero swallowed and
looked away.
Duo sighed, leaning
deeper into the chair. “Heero, it’s been a month.”
“Not yet.” Heero
whispered, turning back to face Duo.Duo sighed again and
shook his head. “That’s not the point. Time has past, and you still being too
hard on yourself.”
Again Heero looked
away, bowing his head. He stared down at his fidgeting fingers.
Duo smiled gently and
reached a hand up towards Heero, lifting his head up to face him. “Heero,
please. You can at least give it a try.”
Heero turned his head
away from the tender touch and shook his head. “I told you, I don’t want anyone
else. I don’t KNOW anyone else. I don’t know how and where to begin. It’s too
hard...”
Again the braided man
sighed, pulling his hand away. He bowed his head briefly and then looked back
up at his ex-lover. “There’s been some talking around the office lately.” He
began quietly and Heero’s head jerked up.
“Talking?”
Duo smiled kindly at
the Japanese youth. “You’re a very good looking man, Heero. You must have seen
how people here gawk at you.”
Heero blushed and
looked away. “They... they do?”
Duo chuckled. “’Course
they do! No one’s blind here, ya know.”
Heero swallowed, hands
still fidgeting from embarrassment. “Wha--what are they talking about?”
“Ya know this guy
named Johnson? From section six?” He asked, smirking.
Heero thought for a
moment, and then nodded. “A--aa. I think so. We worked together on the
Webster’s case.”
“Yeah, that’s the one.
Rumor has it that he has quite a crush on you.”
“On... me?!”
Duo’s smile broadened
at the utter surprise on Heero’s features. “Yep. If you want, I can arrange
something between you two. Could be nice.”
“Oh..don’don’t
know...” Heero stammered, looking away. “I... I barely know him...”
“Well then, get to
know him. C’mon, what you gotta lose? It’s just one date.”
“I’ve never been on a
real date.”
“There’s a first time
for everything.”
“I don’t have anything
to wear.”
“We’ll buy you some.”
“I have a lot of work
to do.”
“You’re the boss, tell
someone else to do it.”
He was running out of
excuses. Biting his lip in thought, Heero struggled to come up with another way
to avoid what he knew would be a disaster. “Umm... I...”
“Just say yes, Heero.”
Duo pushed, still smirking. “What’s the worse thing that could happen? You’ll
waste one night outta your life? Big deal! There are plenty of other nights. I
heard he's a nice guy.”
“Yeah, but...”
“I think you should
start seeing other people, Heero.” Duo added, his tone suddenly serious.
Heero looked up,
doubtful. He saw the seriousness in Duo’s eyes, his utter determination and
resolve. He really wanted him to do this. And he would deny Duo nothing. Who
knows, maybe if he’ll go out with this Johnson, he would please Duo,
show him he was willing to do as he says, and then, then he will take him
back...
Forcing on a small and
sad smile, Heero nodded his head. “All right, Duo. You win. I’ll give it a
shot.”
man called happily, jumping out of his chair. “I’m glad you’re finally getting
yourself together and moving on! Don’t worry; I’ll talk to the guy for you!
Good going, Hee-chan!” He cheered and bounced happily out of Heero’s office.
The minute the door
was shut, Heero dropped the smiling façade. He leaned down on his desk,
pillowing his head in his arms. “I’ll get it together Duo... for you. Anything
for you... so we can be together...”
*
* *
Duo had set the date
as promised and even took Heero out shopping for some new clothes. He gave him
some tips to start off with and then left the apartment to his own date.
Now standing in the
living room, Heero was looking nervously at the door. He was wearing the
clothes Duo had picked for him. Duo said they looked good on him, but Heero
just felt silly, hot and overdressed, even for a date. He was wearing a white
buttoned up shirt, along with beige trousers and a matching jacket. The jacket
was a bit big, and looked a little sloppy, but it gave a nice touch. Duo had
also bought Heero matching beige shoes, saying that it was ‘his treat’.
Heero rolled his eyes
as he remembered how Duo tried to tame his untamable hair, using anything
possible to bring the messy mop under control. He gave up eventually, muttering
something about hopelessness and scissors. Heero just pouted sadly at the
thought that Duo didn’t like the way his hair looked anymore. Once he used to
spend nights lying next to him in bed, tousling his hair, petting it and
stroking it. It made him whimper just thinking about it.
The doorbell rang and
Heero jumped, startled. He looked at the door for a few breathless moments,
unable to move. When the bell rang a second time, he took a deep breath, ran a
trembling hand through his hair and walked to answer the door.
He took his time
unlocking it, and then slowly, hesitantly, opened it. He found himself looking
up, and up and UP at a tall man, about thirty or so. He was wearing a black
jacket and trousers but his shirt was dark blue. He was a man with a large
built, well muscled and portly. His skin was tanned and his dark blond hair was
cut military style. His eyes, sharp and narrow, were pale blue, and seemed to
have an almost clear color, which gave him an eerie look. His features were
firm and serious, and he had one small red earring in his right ear.
Heero just kept
standing there, gaping at the tall man.
“Good evening.” The
man finally spoke, handing Heero a bouquet of flowers he was holding.
Heero looked down at
the flowers, still a little shocked from the man’s appearance. He stared at the
flowers, smiling a little as he saw that they were lilacs, his favorite. He
smiled up at Johnson and gently took the flowers from him. “Thank you.” He
whispered shyly and opened the door further, so the man could enter.
“You’re very much
welcome.” He answered, his voice low bass.
“Let me put them in
some water, and then we can go.” Heero asked, walking to the kitchen.
“No problem, take your
time.” Johnson answered, looking around the small apartment. He noticed a few
framed pictures above the fireplace, and his eyes narrowed. They were pictures
of Duo and Heero together, in various places and affectionate poses. He turned
back to face the kitchen.
“Does Maxwell live
with you?” He called towards the Japanese boy.
“Aa.” Heero called
back, putting the flowers in a simple vase.
10.0pt;font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana'>“Were you really close?”
“...Aa.” Heero
answered quietly, re-entering the living room. He looked up at Johnson, smiling
sadly. “I’m sorry, but I never got your first name.” He said quietly, ashamed
of the fact.
Johnson smiled back,
tilting his head a little, amused by the boy’s embarrassment. “It’s okay.
People call me Johnson anyway. My first name is Fritz.”
“Oh. And how should I
call you?” Heero asked, head bowed a little to hide his blushing. He thought he
would crack up laughing if he had to call someone Fritz.
“Johnson will be
fine.” The German replied smoothly, still smiling. “For now.” The last part was
added quietly, so Heero barely heard it. Normally he would, but now he was too
nervous to do anything.
“Shall we go?” Johnson
offered his hand to Heero, smiling kindly.
“A--aa.” Heero
stammered and took the offered hand. It felt awkward to be holding someone
else’s hand. He was used only to Duo’s soft and warm hand. This hand was
different. It was too callous, too rough and strong. Not half as gentle as
Duo’s.
But he guessed that he
would just have to get used to it.
The two left the dark
apartment hand in hand.
*
* *
“It feels a bit odd,
to be dating my boss.” Johnson admitted after they were shown to their seats,
in a large and fancy restaurant.
Heero smiled slightly,
blushing a little. “I’m not really your boss.” He said, looking down at
his fidgeting hands.
“No, but you are in
chaof tof the Esca assignment, are you not?”
Heero looked up,
surprised. “You’re involved in Esca?”
cla class=MsoBodyText dir=LTR style='line-height:12.0pt'>Johnson nodded,
looking up briefly at the waitress who brought them their menus. “Uh huh. I got
pulled in about three days ago. I’m on recon.”
“I thought that
section six doesn’t do field missions...” Heero muttered, watching his date as
he opened the menu.
“New policies. Go fig.
I think the office is running short on budget. Une’s wasting it all on the new
issued uniforms and all...”
Heero forced himself
to chuckle at the small joke, but it came out more like a nervous laughter. He
never had to fake a laugh with Duo. Heero sighed and looked down sadly. He
wondered what Duo was doing now...
“Would like to make an
order now, sir?” The waitress’s voice suddenly asked.
Heero looked up at
her, and then down at his own menu. He didn’t even look at it yet. He was about
to open his mouth and ask the waitress for a little more time, but Johnson beat
him to it.
“Yes. We would like to
have the lemon chicken please. Twice.”
“But--“ Heero began to
protest and Johnson quickly turned to glare at him.
“And what would you
like to drink?” The waitress continued.
“White wine, please.”
Johnson answered, slowly turning his gaze away form Heero.
“But...” Heero tried
again, now interrupted by the sound of Johnson’s menu slamming shut.
“Is that all, sir?”
Heero opened his mouth
again, but ren rendered speechless as Johnson sent him another sharp look.
“Yes.” The man
answered the waitress, still looking coldly at Heero.
“Very well, sir.” The
young woman bent down to pick the menus off the table. Heero sighed and looked
away sadly as she took his.
He didn’t even have
the chance to look at it...
*
* *
“Why aren’t you
eating?” Johnson asked when he saw his date was just looking down at his plate,
silent and unmoving. “Are you not hungry?”
Heero looked up,
sighing quietly. “Oh, that’s not it.”
“Is the food not to
your taste then?” Johnson asked, arching any eyebrow. “It’s the best on the
menu.”
“Oh, I’m sure that it
is, but...”
“But?!” The man asked,
impatient.
Heero swallowed,
bowing his head under the sharp gaze. “I don’t eat meat.” He finally blurted,
still unable to look up.
“Then why didn’t you
say so?! I wasted half my paycheck on this meal!” Johnson burst, but didn’t
raise his voice too high.
“I’m sorry.” Heero
whispered, a genuine sorrowful look on his face. “I tried to tell you, but you
wouldn’t let me...”
“Oh, so it’s my fault
then, huh?!” Johnson shot back harshly, throwing his fork aside.
“Oh no! No!” Heero
hud tod to assure him. “I’m sorry, maybe I wasn’t too clear on my
intentions." He continued quickly, wondering why an image of Dr. J flashed
in his mind. He took a deep breath, trying to clear the memories out of his
head. "I’m sorry... I’ll pay for the meal.”
Johnson just kept
glaring at him.
Heero bowed his head,
looking down at his fidgeting hands, which were lying on his lap. “I’m
sorry...” He whispered, voice barely heard.
“Fine then.” Johnson
spat and picked up his fork. “We’ll make it fifty-fifty.”
They spent the rest of
the meal in silence.
*
* *
After dinner, Johnson
drove them to an esplanade by the ocean. It was a beautiful night; the skies
were clear and full of sparkling stars. A soft and cool breeze carried the
scent of the sea, the sounds of the ocean playing like a lullaby. There were
some other couples walking on up and down the boardwalk, which was bathed in
pale and magical moonlight.
Johnson walked next to “Are you cold?” Johnson “A little.” Heero “Here, have this.” Heero looked down at He looked at Johnson, Johnson smiled back at Johnson smirked to * “I’m sorry I got mad Heero looked away from
Heero, holding the boy’s hand in his. They walked in silence, Heero’s gaze down
at the floor.
asked as he felt a shiver run through the boy.
admitted quietly.
Johnson stood and took off his jacket. He gently placed it over Heero’s slim
shoulders.
the black jacket in surprise. He reached down a hand to touch it, brushing his
fingers over the jacket’s rough surface. It was warm and heavy and smelled like
cigarettes and beer. It wasn't even close to the way Duo's jacket smelled like.
It didn't carry Duo's muscaline scent.
smiling slightly. “Thank you.”
him, his eyes sparkling with a weird gleam. They continued walking, and after a
few short moments, Johnson suddenly got brave and put his arm around Heero’s
slender waist. Heero flinched and gasped in surprise, but Johnson only
tightened his hold and pulled the youth closer to him. Heero forced himself to
relax and tried to continue walking normally. But he was too close to Johnson,
and so it was hard to walk straight. With no other choice, he rested his head
on the man’s broad shoulder.
himself, and tightened his hold.
* *
at you.” Johnson apologized silently. They were sitting on a bench, up on a
grassy hill, facing the ocean.
where he was watching the waves and turned to face Johnson. “No, I should be
the one apologizing. It was my fault for not telling you.”
“Yes, but still, I
shouldn’t have burst like that. I’m really sorry. I had a good time tonight,
and I would really like to do this again sometime.”
Heero’s eyes widened.
“You do..?” He asked, looking away.
“Yes. I do.” The
German answered, looking back at his date. Heero was just sitting there, his
shoulders slumped and his head bowed. His gaze was faraway, at the ocean. A
cool ocean breeze swept by, teasing Heero’s unruly bangs. The boy’s ivory skin
was pale and magical under the moonlight. He seemed to be glowing. His
ever-pouting lips seemed to have a darker shade of red under the magical aura,
making the boy look ten times more desirable. Johnson smiled slyly and reached
a hand up towards the boy. “Hey...” He called, brushing a few of Heero’s bangs
aside. “What’s the matter? Didn’t you enjoy this date?”
Heero sighed, and it
was a while before he answered. He turned to face the taller man, his moist
blue eyes nearly glowing under the moonlight. “I did. And I thank you for
everything, but---“
He didn’t have the
chance to complete his sentence, for Johnson’s mouth was suddenly pressed
against his, and the man’s arms were closing in around his waist, pulling him
closer.
Heero’s eyes widened
in shock, and he gasped into Johnson’s mouth. He had never kissed anyone but
Duo before, and it felt so strange... so different. Johnson’s lips were not as
sweet and soft as Duo’s. He didn’t smell like Duo. He didn’t kiss like Duo. He
was gentle, yes, but still not the same.
Nevertheless, when he
felt the hot slimy snake pick at his lips, he opened his mouth, just like he
did to welcome Duo’s tongue, because he knew that that is what is expected of
him in a kiss. He heard Johnson groan and felt him deepen the kiss, his tongue
plundering into his mouth, sucking and licking everything. He teased back shyly
with his own tongue, but it just didn’t feel right. This kiss didn’t feel
right. It didn’t make him feel anything. Not like when he kissed Duo. There was
passion, yes, but not the passion he loved, knew and cherished. This wasn’t
Duo.
Growling, Johnson
pulled Heero violently closer to him, pressing the boy towards his body and
leaning down to deepen the kiss, to get further into the boy’s sweet mouth.
Heero whimpered silently into his mouth as he began nibbling at his lower lip.
The boy panted and squirmed, trying to get free and breathe.
Johnson released him,
panting, his eyes filled with lust. He looked down at the boy and wiped his
mouth. The Japanese boy was panting hard, clearly breath taken from their kiss.
Johnson smirked and
moved in to another kiss.
“MUUMPH!!” Heero
called, taken by surprise. This time, there was no gentleness in the kiss. This
time Johnson was rough, sucking, nibbling and biting until Heero’s lips were
bruised and swollen.
And then he growled,
biting Heero’s lower lip, drawing out blood.
Heero’s eyes widened
in fear and shock. He whimpered into Johnson’s mouth, trying to push the man
away. But he was too strong, holding him securely by his waist.
The man responded by
diving even deeper into Heero’s mouth, sucking the bleeding lips.
Heero’s eyes widened
again, and he looked up at the black skies, helpless.