Young Man's Heart

~Mistress’ Words~

Woohooo!! Chapter two! I put this out pretty fast. Really
got into it. So…here continues the story. I put much more detail in than I
thought I would. But I enjoyed it and that’s all that matters. This chapter
turned out pretty long. A new song for a new chapter.

~Go and Read, My Children~

Shinedown

"In Memory"

Some of the ugliest things took the longest time to make

And some of the easiest habits are the hardest one\'s to break

And I\'m not asking for value nor the pain but I am asking

For a way out of this lie

Because I can\'t wait for you to catch up with me

And I can\'t live in the past and drown myself in memories

Welcome to nowhere and finding out where it is

And fixing your problems and starting over again

You’re feeding your ego with what you can see outside

And your killing yourself for not speaking your mind

Because I can\'t wait for you to catch up with me

And I can\'t live in the past and drown myself in memories

In memory

I wonder why you make believe you live your life straight through me

I cannot understand why you question me and then you lie

I will not justify your way\'s I cannot show you an escape

I do not know you any more, I never new you anyway

Because I can\'t wait for you to catch up with me

And I can\'t live in the past and drown myself in memories

In memory

Warnings – Blood and gore, psychological angst,
death and guilt.

Characters – Still mainly Gohan, though I’m starting
to see options for other characters too. We shall see where it goes.

*Welcome To Nowhere*

‘This is what life is.’

Those meaningless words carried all the despair and
discouragement and pain that we all hide from as we walk the path of time. But
we still have to walk that path, even if it does not lead us anywhere.

He tried to dodge. Because it was what he was taught.
Because it was what was expected. Because it was what was drilled into him as
the right thing to do. Just because.

But even the great Saiyaman, with his guard dropped, with a
45 caliber revolver only an inch from his face, with so much doubt and
hesitation and guilt clouding his mind, would have trouble dodging this bullet.

But he dodged.

His hand flashed past the gun to clutch the throat of the
teen who stared at him with blind hatred in his glazed, bloodshot eyes. And when
the pain tore through him behind the path of the spreading hollow point, Gohan’s
entire body seized in agony. Both Saiyaman and delinquent fell to the ground,
Gohan screaming in pain while the boy gave a last rasping gurgle.

When Gohan opened his eyes he could only see in shades of
black and blinding white, but when he looked down at the weight in his hand, the
scarlet red stood out an almost blazing neon against his white glove. His
fingers were still buried in the boy’s throat, having pierced his skin just like
the weapons they were trained to be.

All around there was screaming and pandemonium, innocents
panicked and trying to flee or laying on the ground and moaning in pain from
bullet wounds or merely from being trampled. Screaming, screaming all around,
screaming everywhere, screaming…his body was screaming…he was screaming too.

He pulled his gloved hand from the boy’s neck, sickened by
the squelching, wet noise that followed. And he ran. He couldn’t breathe.
Couldn’t breathe! His bloody hand came up, fumbling with his helmet strap, for
some reason he couldn’t control his left hand. He couldn’t breathe, it didn’t
matter that his helmet didn’t cover his mouth, he had to get it off, had to lose
the constraints, then he would breathe again. He didn’t bother to fly, he just
ran, leaping over bodies, stepping on them when there was no other choice, he
didn’t care. He just had to get away. He finally saw a doorway and fled toward
it, tripped over some poor soul, still warm but unmoving, and fell over the
threshold. There was another doorway and he slithered through it, pulling
himself with his right arm when his knees couldn’t find enough hasehase.

The helmet came off, clattering across the ground as he
slammed back against a set of metal shelves and was showered hun hundreds of
bottles, the pills inside rattling loudly. Gohan sat there against the shelves,
his harsh breathing sounding so loud in his ears. Minutes went by and he began
to calm somewhat but he could not get the image out of his head of the boy, neck
broken and crushed, one eye filled with blood because of the pressure Gohan’s
hand had inflicted before killing the teen. A sob burst from the demi-saiyan’s
own unblemished throat, tears threatening to overflow. In the other room, the
strong, controlled shouts of the policre rre reverberating, creating calm and
structure in the violent chaos. Gohan knew he had to get out of there. He
couldn’t be found like this. He couldn’t… Saiyaman had killed. *He* had killed.
Not some evil villain bent on destroying the world, but some stupid kid who was
being controlled by the drugs, someone’s child who couldn’t control his actions.
He’lledlled a desperate child who only wanted a salve for his pain.

Torn inside on a whole new level, Gohan tried to blink back
the tears and reach for his helmet but the motion sent a surge of blinding pain
through him and the tears managed to break free. He gasped, drawing in enough
breath so that his lungs could force out yet another cry. That was when he
noticed the blood slowly pooling around him, overtaking the strewn bottles as if
it might suck them down into the glistening ruby depths. He looked at his left
shoulder and…Kami!...his arm was gone! He screamed again because now that he saw
it, he could feel it and the pain was maddening and paralyzing. He forced his
eyes open again and they were drawn back to the ruin of his body, after an
instant of disbelief, he realized that his arm was still there. His hand was
laying limp on the cold tile…no…he felt the tile with his other hand that was
supporting him. The tile wasn’t cold, possibly room temperature, but not cold.

Another sob broke from him as the beginnings of panic
started to grow into something much more akin to a breakdown. He struggled,
turning himself so that his right arm could grasp his helmet and drag it back.
He could hear footsteps coming toward his hiding spot. Pulling the helmet into
his lap, he then reached down, grasping his left hand. It *was* cold but the
pain that lanced through him showed him that the limb was still very much alive.
Whimpering, he fiddled with the “watch” that adorned that wrist, trying to find
the trigger under all that blood. Finally, he found it and felt the tingle as
his uniform transformed back to his normal clothing and his helmet disappeared.
Blood immediately soaked through the pristine cloth and the sudden pressure on
his ruined shoulder was immense. He reached up, catching the shoulder of his
shirt and tearing it, trying to ease the pain but the action merely made it
stronger. His bloody right hand fell to the ground, trying to catch himself from
the fall as the pain made him light headed, but failed. He slid to the ground
and half screamed through clenched teeth upon impact with his wounded shoulder.

It felt like forever as the police passed him by, checking
to see if he was alive and then moving on to secure the complex, and then hands
were grasping at him, gentle but firm. Voices passed over him, quick and terse,
and he felt himself being moved. He jolted back to consciousness with a wash of
pain and cried out. Instantly a voice was there, reassuring and consoling,
explaining his injury and how the voice was going to help him. It was a soothing
thing, to have someone else take responsibility. He gave way to it instantly,
another voice wavered forth. It took him a moment to recognize it as his own.
“Just make it go away…please…”

The rest felt like a dream. At first there was so much
pain, but that began to fade and Gohan was left in a state of distant delirium,
listening to all the traffic around him, at times watching it when he could keep
his eyes open. No…that’s not right…his eyes never closed…did they? He
just…didn’t remember looking at anything. But sometimes he looklook…and that was
when he thought…and the thoughts were so strange and clear but disconnected at
the same time. It was…nice. He found himself smiling up at the paramedics as
they came to check on him from time to time. He understood they were busy, there
were lots of other wounded people. He was completely content to just lay here on
this splint and…enjoy how relaxed he felt and how far away everything else was.
He wished it would stay this way forever. A sad thought crossed his mind and it
took away his smile. It wouldn’t last forever. This would end and everything
would be back the way it was before. But…even knowing that couldn’t truly make
him sad. It was just a thought that slid over his consciousness and fell away
like a raindrop on an umbrella. He was holding an umbrella and none of the nasty
things could get through it to him. His umbrella was his best friend. He loved
his umbrella. It was blue and silver with iny iny silver handle and it kept him
dry from all those unpleasant things.

Gohan started to laugh because that image was so stupid…but
it was so real and it made him happy. He knew it wasn’t real but it made him
happy and he forgot all about the pharmacy and his shoulder and his family and
his life. Uh oh. There they were again. In Gohan’s mind he turned his umbrella
and all those unpleasant feelings bounced off. He smiled and laughed again and
decided that even if it was stupid and make believe…he liked it and was gonna
keep his umbrella.

He must have fallen asleep because the next time he focused
his eyes, he was in the ambulance with those paramedics. One of them was the
pretty girl who had reassured him in that awful tile room in the pharmacy. He
watched her take a syringe and inject something into his arm and suddenly
thought of his father and imagined how Goku would have gone wild, tearing the
place apart jus avo avoid a tiny little pinprick. ‘Dad is such a pussy.’ He
thought with dry mirth because his father was so big and strong and could handle
*anything*, absolutely *anything* but he turned into a pussy for something so
simple. Gohan didn’t have that problem. ‘I might not be able to save the
world…but I can take a needle.’ He laughed again and the pretty paramedic looked
at him, smiling brightly.

“Hi, there. You’re going to be just fine. We’re almost to
the hospital. Won’t be long now.” She said positively.

Gohan smiled up at her. ‘She does her job well. Too bad
it’s just her job.’ He knew that his wound was serious because he could see the
blood pack that was linked to his other arm and because he had overheard so many
conversations while laying on his splint. That’s why she just injected him with
more drugs, because she didn’t want him to start screaming again. But he had no
intention of screaming. He was just going to lay here comfortably and forget all
of it and enjoy himself.

“You’re so pretty. I’ll have to hurt myself again so I can
get your number.” He half joked, casting her a charming half grin and winking.
Then he marveled at how in the world he’d managed to do something so…smooth. He
knew he was an absolute moron with girls. But she grinned back and smiled that
beautiful smile and it actually reached her eyes.

“Oh…I don’t know if you’d have to go that far.” She teased.
“I bet a handsome guy like you has the ladies lined up.”

Gohan chuckled with good humor as he was shot down. ‘She’s
probably hit on by every drugged up invalid she deals with.’ Then the ambulance
came to a stop and he was unloaded into the hospital. The ceiling flashed by…and
by…and by…and by…and it seemed to become an incessant loop that he was stuck in,
never going anywhere but never stopping. ‘Just like my life.’ He thought,
staring up unblinking at the white ceiling. ‘My life has become reality. I’m
going to be stuck here forever in this dreary loop. …it’s gonna get so boring…’

And then the loop was over. He came to a stop and was
hefted onto a gurney in a large open room. All around him he could hear people
rushing back and forth, speaking in hospital code and gibberish. He did
recognize a few words, though. “Surgery” and “immediate” and “STAT” and stuff
from tv. ‘Ah…I knew it. I’m bad…probably gonna die. I did lose a lf blf blood.
That’s why they’ve got me hooked to the blood pack. I wonder how fast I’m losing
it…‘cause that blood pack sure looks full and if I’m losing faster than getting
then the whole point is moot and I might as well just die right now instead of
wasting everyone’s time.’ He reached out his good arm and caught a white coat as
ippeipped by and it very nearly tore his arm off. It wrenched him enough that
fresh pain blazed through him before turning to an aching throb, it it got the
doctor’s attention.

He came back, his beside manner existentially less friendly
than the pretty paramedic’s. “Hey…” Gohan was slightly irritated at the slur in
his voice. “I don want to be trouble. If you can help somebody else instead of
worrying about me, then feel free. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time.”

The doctor was terse and short tempered, making Gohan
blink. That’s not how they were supposed to be. They were supposed to be
friendly and caring and nice…like that paramedic. “You’ll be taken care of soon.
You’re aren’t wasting anyone’s time. Your doctor will be along in a minute.” He
snapped and then pulled from Gohan’s limp grasp and disappeared.

The demi lay there, staring off in the direction that he
was now turned, his arm hanging off the gurney. The doctor hadn’t listened to
him. He was too busy. He hadn’t taken Gohan seriously. No one took him
ouslously. They all just went on about their lives around him without ever
listening to him or taking him seriously or anything like that. No one cared
what he thought, they all just assumed that he would go along or do what was
right or listen to them. Gohan this, Gohan that, Gohan why? Gohan what? It was
all so infuriating. But infuing ing as the thoughts were, he still had his blue
and silver umbrella and it all still felt so far away. He wasn’t immersed in the
depression like he normally would be. He was able to think rationally about it
all without the influence of unmanageable emotions. So, emotionlessly, he
considered it all and he came to a decision. He wasn’t going to deal with it
anymore. If he was just going to be ignored and discounted then he might as well
not be here.

It was a challenge to get upright and once he was there, it
was even harder to keep from falling off the gurney because of how lightheaded
he was. The pain was harsh and sharp at first but then it dulled to a thrumming
throb and he gathered his left arm up so that it wouldn’t be in the way. Looking
down at himself, he found he was a maze of wires and tubes and tags and was
dauntrom rom figuring out how to move. He felt like someone’s marionette, like
there was someone just waiting to grab his strings and make him dance. He looked
up at the ceiling just in case. Nope. No one there. Good.

Carefully, he adjusted his “strings” so that he could move
off the gurney without breaking anything and…and…eeeeased off the bed. His feet
didn’t want to hold him at first, but he got them under control and stood up,
balancing precariously, his left arm dangling painfully and limply. Ok. So far
so good. Now…he just had to find his way out.

“What are you doing??!”

He tried to turn toward the voice, but the person reached
him too quickly…or maybe he was just moving veeeeery sloooowly. He felt strong
hands grip his waist and it helped to steady him. Still looking down at the
bloody sheets of the bed, Gohan slurred out his reply. “I’m not going to waste
anyone’s time. I’ll just…go die somewhere quiet. Quiet would be nice.”

The voice connected to the hands was shocked. “No, no, no,
no, no. Come on now, let’s get you back on here. That’s it. I’m here for you. I
wouldn’t be around if you didn’t need me, none of us would. You aren’t going to
die. Certainly not if you can manage to get on your feet and decide to walk out
of here. I wouldn’t let you die even if there were a chance.”

Gohan felt himself being lifted and the soft padding of the
mattress appeared under him. He sat there, now turned to face his helper. It was
a man in white and green and only a few years older than Gohan himself.
Distractedly, Gohan thought that he must have really slacked off on the training
to be light enough for this guy to be able to lift him so easily…or he really
did lose a lot of blood. But then again, this guy looked like he could be
muscular under that loose lab coat. He did have broad shoulders. ‘Huh…a doctor
with broad shoulders…will wonders never cease?’ But that’s not what made it out
of his mouth.

“You wouldn’t?” Gohan blinked, almost surprised by the
sentiment. “I mean…I’m not?” He gave in, completely forgetting about leaving now
that this man had stopped him and was talking so softly and honestly with him.

The man smiled and Gohan was reassured that not only
paramedics had good bedside manners. “No, you’re going to be just fine. I
promise. In fact, if you want some quiet, I can help you with that, ok? Just lie
back for me, ok…what’s your name?”

The demi let the man put his legs up on the bed and settled
back a little harder than he’d planned, making his shoulder flare in pain again.
Gasping, he took his time before answering. “I’m…Gohan.”

The man smiled down at him. “Well, Gohan. I’ll move you
someplace quiet and before you know it, you’ll be on your way to recovery. I
heard that you’ve been through a wild night.on’ton’t envy you. But that’s all
over now and its gonna be a brand new day. And new days always bring sunshine.
Right Gohan?”

Gohan felt lightheaded again now that he was laying down
and his vision had begun to swim. He closed his eyes, his tongue seeming to move
even slower. “That’s not true…what if it’s raining?”

The voice lilted with laughter but answered just as
smoothly as before. “The sun is always there even if you can’t see it and it
always comes through in the end.”

Gohan sighed as he felt himself being moved. “But it’s been
raining for so long now…” He whispered sadly.

The next time he opened his eyes, there was a bright light
shining in them. ‘Ha! I did die!’ Houghought smugly, but the thought was
followed by a more melancholy one. ‘He lied to me.’ But then he noticed movement
around him…and something over his nose and mouth. He couldn’t feel his body. He
blinked a few times and then saw someone standing to his right. His eyes shifted
ever so slowly that way and he saw a doctor standing there, gloves and mask and
hairnet and all. The doctor was looking past him at something else, so Gohan’s
lazy eyes trailed back to the left to try and see what was soereseresting.
There…‘whoa…I’m surrounded’…was another doctor. This one was looking straight
down and Gohan’s eyes drifted downwards as well, following the path of the green
scrubs until the green color that took up all of his sight began to mar with
little splatters of black. This made Gohan frown. This doctor was pretty dirty,
you’d think they’d make them wash their scrubs before coming to work. It was
unseemly.

Gohan blinked as another thought crossed his mind. No…it
wasn’t black, it was red. ‘Oh! Blood! That’s what that is. Makes much more sense
now. That’s ok.’ And that was followed by another realization. ‘That’s *my*
blood.’ He snorted internally at the brilliance of his deductive abilities.
‘Duh! Who else’s blood would it be? I’m the one he’s working on.’ His eyes
continued down until they could go no farther but he still couldn’t see what was
going on or what the doctor was doing. And he couldn’t feel his body so that
made things more difficult. With an effort, he tried to clench the fingers of
his right hand. ‘Better leave the left hand alone, don’t want to disturb the
doc.’ But he couldn’t feel anything.

So instead, he wiggled his toes. Those he could feel. Heh,
they tingled. So he wiggled his feet. That worked. They felt weird. He kept
wiggling them, concentrating on the strangeness…and suddenly it was as if a
surge of warmth washed over him from his toes all the way up his body and he
could feel again. The distant floating feeling suddenly evaporated and he was
grounded in the here and now which wasn’t as plnt, nt, but it was much
more…normal. He knew normality. It wasn’t so bad. Now he was pretty sure he
could turn his head and look…and that’s what he did. He must have scared the
doctor because the man froze, looking dow him him lookinghis his shoulder. Gohan
wasn’t sure what to think or feel. He looked on his shoulder with a clinical
detachment just like a doctor. ‘That’s a lot of damage.’ He thought to himself
blandly. ‘Is that bone?’ He knew that he wasn’t a doctor, but he was pretty sure
that there was supposed to be more bone in one’s shoulder than that and all that
meat…he could see the coarseness of his muscles and the texture of white
tendons. It was fascinating. Maybe he should have taken his mother’s advice and
become a doctor. Maybe he could have worked with that man from earlier. The
people around him were talking but he couldn’t make out the words, they just
seemed to repeat over and over again with an awkward echo. Then there was
pressure on his good arm and he was fading again.

Fog covered everything, but it couldn’t keep out the
voices. Voices, voices, voices. They just wouldn’t shut up, but it was only a
minor irritation.

“My poor poor baby.”

‘Oh no,’ Gohan asserted, ‘I don’t want to go through that
again, I’m definitely not a baby. Nope, nope, nope.’ He didn’t enjoy thinking
about things like that. They brought back giant tigers and dinosaurs and evil
guys trying to hurt…his tail. They hurt his tail so much. Always fingers
bingbing at his tail. It was *his* tail! They had no right to put their skeletal
and gnarled fingers on it! His tail…it hurt…hurt so much…and he couldn’t
move…couldn’t stop it…couldn’t make them stop…wasn’t strong enough… ‘Oh, Kami!
It hurts so much!’ But all he could do was whimper and the voices rose to a
crescendo and he tried to get away from them but they just surrounded him,
echoing and blasting him and making him shake and shiver because it hurt so
much!

“What is it?!! What’s happening to him?! My Baby! What’s
wrong with my baby?! DO SOMETHING!!!”

“Gohan? Gohan, sweaty! Please, Gohan, it’s alright! SOMEONE
DO SOMETHING!”

“What is wrong with the brat? He acts as if he’s afraid.”

“What’s that? Is that what I think it is? Oh, Gohan…your
tail…”

Fingers…fingers probing, grasping, tugging, squeezing,
tearing, crushing… He cried out, yelling, screaming, shrinking away from those
hands that would only bring torrents of crushing pain. “NO!” The voice of a
child echoed his. “No, no, no, no, nooooooo!”

As he struggled to get away from the grasping hands, the
pinning hold, the multitude of vicious fingers keeping him from getting away,
more voices came. They were urgent and angry and argumentative, yelling and
cutting. They reminded him of the police as they cleared the building, passing
him by, not harming him, not even looking at him, ignoring him. Firm and
commanding and in control. He felt a new grip and the overpoweringly strong
hands let go immediately, gone with a cry that sounded suspiciously like fear.
And those softer, firm hands smoothed soothingly over him and the voice
connected to them…spoke of sunshine and goodness and care. The haifteifted and
Gohan saw the kind face of the man from urgent care and he smiled, sng dng down
against that solid grip. “Please…make it go away…I don’t like it…make them
go…away…” He hardly felt the pinprick in his arm and, as the haze grew thicker
again, he could hear that kind voice, rough with disgust and anger, making them
go away.

Sunlight warmed his face and he tried to turn away from the
brightness. The move was slow and heavy and lagging, but he made it. He heard a
gasp nearby, but ignored it. He was too tired and heavy to worry about little
things like that and the bed was so comfortable and warm. He sighed and began to
fall back into blessed unconsciousness, free of worry and nightmares.

“Gohan…honey? Gohan…are you awake?”

The voice was hesitant, worried. He dragged himself back to
life in order to answer, intending to do the good deed of reassuring and then
disappear back into his happy darkness. His eyes fluttered uncontrolled before
finally finding their way open. He blinked slowly a few times as the face came
into view. “Hi…mom. I’m good… I’m gonna sleep again…”

Her hand flew to his arm bringing his eyes open again. “Gohan!”
Her voice started out sharp but she quickly softened it, looking irritated at
the door. “Gohan…we’ve got senzu for you. They wouldn’t let us see you before.
But…Gohan, honey, you were hurt pretty bad. They…they put a metal bar in your
shoulder because the bone was shattered so badly. Just take the senzu and we can
all go home and leave this awful place.”

Gohan blinked sleepily at his mother, taking in what she
said slowly. Then he looked at his left side where bandages covered most of his
chest and his arm was in a forced cast. “Metal…” He reached over to touch the
bandages, but stopped. They had gone to so much trouble to get it just right on
such a hard target to bandage. He shouldn’t ruin it. “Huh.” He said as if it was
a curiously interesting thing his mother had told him. “Metal…” He smiled
crookedly. “That’s cool. I’m like on my way to being an android. I always
wondered what 18 felt like.” He said slowly, his eyes drifting shut again.

“Gohan!!” ChiChi sounded very irate.

Gohan very slowly gave her his attention again. “It’s not
an awful place, mom…there are some nice people here…”

“Gohan, what’s wrong with you?! Stop talking nonsense and
eat this senzu! I will not leave you with these people anymore! You’re coming
home!”

Gohan stared at the little bean that ChiChi held up and
frowned, his eyes wandering as his thoughts dripped off his tongue before he
even had a chance to know what they were. “No, mom. I don’t want any senzu. They
already fixed me. I’ll be fine here. And I can’t be a warrior if part of my body
isn’t strong enough to fight, right?” He smiled and settled back on his pillow.
“I don’t mind, mom. I never liked fighting anyway. This way dad won’t feel so
bad. I’m tired of playing superhero…I think I’m gonna…take a break…” He started
to fade, his tongue growing slower with each long blink. “Besides…I don’t think
it would feel very good…healed with a metal bar inside me…”

“Gohan??”

“Gohan!!”

He could still hear her voice, coated with acid and
disappointment and anger, but he didn’t care. For once, it didn’t matter that he
wasn’t going along. For once, he had spoken his mind and it was ok…even if he
hadn’t heard his mind until he’d heard his mouth. For a moment he wasn’t even
sure that he’d said all that, but he had. And it was ok. He ignored her, a small
smile still on his face as he drifted away again into that distant void, alone
but pleasantly far away from everything.