what we wish for

Title: What We Wish For
author: ursweetheartles
warnings: shonen-ai and m/m themes, still kinda smut, but now with added plot!
a/n: updating and writing is tough now, with school on again, so bear with me. Unbeta'd so any constructive feedback would be nice, looking for a beta at the moment, mine seems to have decided she likes it in Romania /*shrug*/

disclaimer: i wrote a nice letter to Hirouma Arakawa asking if she'd like to trade FMA for a nice pan of delicious fudgy brownies. i have yet to hear back from her, i think i'll try another approach.

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Edward stood in a bookseller's stall in the open air market in Central City's square and pretended to study the books on the table in front if him. His hands traced the bindings of the volumes in front of him, and his eyes skimmed over them, but every so often they glanced up at the form that really held his attention, across the square in the small sidewalk cafŽ. His eyes would dart up quickly, and he would memorize all of the details he could as quickly as possible before they fell again to the books in front of him, none of which he actually saw. He didn't dare keep his gaze on the man for very long, but once he looked once he couldn't stop himself, he had to keep glancing over.
The Colonel was out on a lunch date with one of the women from the typing pool on the fifth floor. The man was laughing and charming as usual and it sent off a little pang in Ed's chest, knowing he would probably never be in that position. He wished he could sit so comfortably across the table from the man, hear the musical laugh, look deeply into the midnight eyes, see the clear smile, and know it was all for him. But he couldn't, he repeated this in his mind, I can't, I can't, I can never have that. It was almost reassuring, even if it did make the boy's chest constrict again. But this ache was familiar to him, it was something he remembered, something he understood, unlike the little twists of jealousy he felt in his stomach when he saw those dark eyes smiling at someone else. That was a pain he didn't want to admit, didn't want to let surface. He was too strong for that, he had to be.
He felt a hand suddenly on his shoulder, the feeling made him jump. He turned to see the smiling form of Maes Hughes, who was smirking his heart out at the moment.
"Its hypnotizing isn't it?" the man said, pointing across the square to the table holding his best friend and the blonde haired typist. Shit, he caught me, he caught me and now the man KNOWS. Ed sweatdropped, blushing deeply now. Maes smiled. "Well it's only natural to be caught up in the spectacle, and a boy like you, I bet you're jealous. Just a little bit?" When Ed's blush deepened the man's smile widened. "I knew it! Come on, lets go!" Without a second thought the man started to drag Ed across the square, to where the focus of the boy's stares was just getting up from his table, pulling out the chair for his charming date. It only took a moment for Maes to grab his attention though, as they strode up beside him.
"Hey Maes, Fullmetal, what are you guys doing out here?" The man turned to his friend, the girl coming around the table to smile shyly from the colonel's side. This made Ed blush more and look away, he couldn't stop himself from wishing he could hover there like that. he knew the man wouldn't put up with it, let alone condone it like he did with the girl in front of him. The Colonel smirked down at him when his gaze twitched back up to him, and he quickly looked away again.
The man made a big show then, wrapping one arms around the girl's waist, and kissing her gently goodbye before sending her back towards the office alone, with a joke about about wanting to get in trouble if she was back late again. She simply twittered and simpered in a way that made Edward want to kick her in the face. She doesn't deserve to have that with him. But the thought just ended up making the boy more embarrassed, but he couldn't turn any more red at this point, he breathed deeply instead, willing the flush from his face. The Colonel turned back to them once she had disappeared, smirking now, looking like quite the sexy bastard, in the way only Mustang truly could.
"Were you enjoying the show, Fullmetal?" He glanced at the boy, still smirking, his smile widening into glee at the reaction, "From the way you were staring, I thought you must be jealous?" The boy's eyes widened, and he opened his mouth to dispute it, but nothing came out. He was frozen in shock. Shit, now the bastard knows, I'll never hear the end of it now.
"Well, Mustang, isn't everyone a little jealous of you there? I mean, you wield the ladies with a mighty hand." Maes' voice broke the slight tension, and Ed breathed again.
"Yeah, I guess maybe I am a little. I don't have much time for anything like that really." The boy managed to sputter. Anything to fill the whole where the thoughts he had actually been thinking were made to go. Anything to convince the men that he didn't want to be the one nestled there easily next to the man, the one to feel the pressure of the arm around his waist, the light pressure of those lips...
"ED" the boy started, the Colonel's hand on his shoulder, and he blushed deeply again, he must have spaced out. He looked up at the man apologetically and it made Mustang chuckle softly. Maes just laughed softly before waiving goodbye and heading back to base. The two men exchanged pleasant goodbyes, but Ed tuned them out, he could still feel Mustang's hand on him, the rough material of the gloves on his skin and his pants were suddenly uncomfortably tight, he squirmed slightly which didn't help, only causing friction in both places, heightening the sensation.
Then Mustang was facing him again, eyes sparkling with mischief and glee as he bent down, lips almost at the boy's ear, so close he could feel the hot tickle and Ed was frozen, letting his eyes slide shut.
"It wasn't me you were jealous of, was it Edward? I think you were jealous of her." He pulled back and surveyed the shock writ on the boy's face now, his mouth still hanging open, but eyes now snapped wide and disbelieving, cheeks flushed nearly crimson again. He dragged his gloved hands across the boy's cheek as he stepped away. "I expect to see you in the office later, Fullmetal, I have an urgent mission that needs your expert skills." And with that he turned and left Edward standing in the middle of the square dumfounded, crimson, and alone, with an uncomfortable tightness still in his pants.

X

It had taken a minute before the boy was even capable of moving, let alone rational thought. He had stood there in the square somewhat dumbfounded for a decent while before he could force himself to move. It had taken most of the rest of the afternoon for him to fully recover. It pissed him off to no end to know that the bastard had done that to him, and from the smirk he gave the boy when he walked away Ed knew the man had known full well exactly what he had done, too. it made his blood positively boil to know the man had played him like that, and that there wasn't a thing he could have done at the time, the man had caught him unawares. that wouldn't happen again, though. Edward had prepared himself for the man's witty jabs and teasing, he had prepared himself for yelling and commanding, he had even prepared himself for quick cold rejection. These were the options he had accounted for when he charged into the man's office late that afternoon with his normal burst of energetic anger, kicking the door in and growling a greeting as he slammed it again behind him.
He had not been prepared, however, for the man being a perfect gentleman. Mustang just sat there, hands folded in front of him on the desk, slight smile on his lips, eyes trained expectantly on the blonde in front of him, who once again looked slightly lost, unsure of how to react to a contingency he hadn't planned for.
"Please Edward, have a seat" the man asked politely, gesturing not to the chair across his desk but to the couch that sat along the wall beside it. Edward opened his mouth, then closed it again before crossing to sit, never taking his eyes off of the man. Mustang rolled his chair over to the boy, settling down facing the couch, their knees barely touching, and looked into the boy's face intently. Ed blushed a little and looked away.
"Edward," the man spoke softly, and the blonde liked the way his name sounded on Mustang's tongue, "About what I said earlier. I need to know if thats really true."
Ed opened his mouth to deny, deny, deny, but all that came out was a croaked "Yes..." He slapped his hands over his mouth, eyes widening a bit in shock. Mustang smile then, not his usual smirk or the bright yet empty smile he gave the women who orbited him constantly, but a real smile. He leaned in closer then, and softly pressed his lips to Edward's, pulling back to gauge the boy's reactions. Amber eyes went wide, pink lips froze partly open, cheeks flushed, breathing quickened, but the boy sat stock still, the spell broken only when Mustang's gloved hand reached up to stroke the boy's neck gently. Ed closed his eyes then, and leaned into the contact. He jumped slightly when he felt lips on his own once again, but didn't pull away, instead leaning into it, pushing everything he had into the kiss, opening his mouth slowly, instinctually, calling the colonel to come inside and play. A soft whimper of a noise crossed his lips and Roy pulled back, smirking this time. The boy leaned forwards then, trying to relocate the warmth and tenderness he had lost with the contact, but his eyes opened sleepily and he stared at his feet when he realized the man was watching him.
The man smiled down at the boy again before rolling the chair backwards, putting some distance between them. He grabbed a manilla envelope from the desk drawer. "Fullmetal, here are your mission details, we have you on a train noon tomorrow. This one shouldn't take you that long, not more than a week, When your done call, and we'll arrange for you to come back home, okay?" The blonde looked lost and confused. he licked his lips, the innocent movement made all the more sexy by the fact that he didn't know how cute it was.
"Um, Colonel, I mean Mustang, what about ... uh ... earlier. What did that mean, for us?" his toes etched a pattern in the dirt on the office floor.
"Think about it when you're gone Edward," the man's voice was soft when he spoke to the boy, "When you get back you need to decide what you want from it, and what you are willing to give... When you get back, we can talk again, work this out in greater depth... for now, this mission is important, so hop to it, okay?" Ed smiled a little, and carried the folder from the room quietly, which made Roy chuckle softly. Neither one noticed the small bird pirched on the windowsill, violet eyes narrowed in a look of spit that didn't belong on an animal's face.

X

The misson had seemed to Ed like it would only take a couple of days to get it over with, so it frustrated it to no end when it took almost a week and a half to get it done right. There was some crazy alchemist making illegal attack arrays that exploded people and things at the slightest touch. He had planted them all over the town and getting them down and catching him had taken more effort thn Edward had anticipated. Now he was tired and sore, when he finaly walked in the door of his dormroom and flopped over onto the bed. Al, not being able to get tired in the same way, had headed off to the library right away, saying he needed to find something new, something to do while Ed recovered. The hot shower had been the first thing Ed was interested in when he got back, the second was going to sleep. But than objective was lost when he heard the phone ring.
"Hello?" he answered, the tone of his voice echoing the exauhstion he felt. It was a voice he recognized, it was the voice that sounded so much like the colonel's, but he knew really wasn't. "Not right now, Envy, I just got back from this mission." This only made the sin angrier, there was yelling and commanding, it made Edward's head hurt. He knew that Envy wouldn't give up untill he got what he wanted, until Edward came out to play. "Hold on a minute then, Im leaving now." His voice was flat and tired sounding, it echoed hollow in his ears as he hung the phone up and dragged himself off of the bed, throwing his usual clothes on over still damp skin, pulling his wet, tangled hair into a low ponytail and scribbling out a quick note to his brother.
He dashed downstairs, and lumpered through the evening air to the small hotel Envy had selected, it was more downtown than usual. It was a cheap hotel, one the boy had never been to before, it had a bar downstairs, and it waas frequented by military personnel, which made Edward nervous. He grabbed the handle on the door, Envy hadn't given him a room number so he'd have to ask at the desk, which was always embarrasing. Envy knew he hated doing that, making the scene, leaving any more evidence of their encounters than was absolutly necessary. The sin only set things up this way when he was mad at the boy, it was a sudtle way of telling the blonde child who was really in charge, of making him work a little ffor the privilage Envy gave him. Edward hated it, but he knew he would always do it anyways, because it was as close as he had believed he could get to the real thing. And he needed that more than any shred of pride or dignity he still held.
The woman there was polite and helpful, giggling slightly when she found out what Edward wanted. It made the boy blush slightly, and when she gave him the number he scurried off through the doors twoards the stairs, heading to the room number he'd been given. He didn't reach the steps though, before a pair of coold hands grabbed him around the middle and pulled him into a maintenence corridor shut off from the main hallway by swinging half doors. He looked into cold onynx eyes, watching them flash a deep purple, like ripples on the surface of a lake before they settled back to the murky midnight depths that shouldn't belong to the creature who held him. The man's rough gloves scratched at his neck before pulling the boy into a violent and desperate kiss, and when the boy was allowed to pull back his lips felt slightly bruised. The sin moved his mouth to the boy's neck, suckling roughly and unevenly, pulling the jacket open to set teeth along the tanned smooth collar bone, leaving an ugly mark there, a mark of ownership. as far as the sin was concerned, the boy was his, even if he always fucked him wearing that man's face. He told himself he only did it because it laid the boy's scars open in front of him, it reminded the boy what he could never actually have, convinced edward that he needed this, from him.
His rough gloved hands ripped the boy's jacket from him body and slipped under his shirt savagely, sliding hands over smooth muscles with pockets of baby fat still lingering here and there on his flesh. Envy pushed the boy roughly against a cart there, filled with cleaning supplies, bottles clattered roughly to the ground as the sin pressed Edward onto it, flipping him over so he faced downwards. Cold hands and sharp teeth danced over the boy's flesh, and he squeezed his eyes shut, biting back the little cries of pain from the harsh treatment Edward knew he deserved. The last thing he needed though was for one of the staff, or worse a military officer, to hear the noise and find him here like this, underneath such a superficially perfect replica of Mustang. Everybody would know then, the colonel would know, and Ed could not let that happen, not now that the man was being so nice, not now that he had a chance, however remote.
The gloves fumbling with his belt buckle dragged the boy back to reality. He tried to wiggle free in a panic then.
"Envy please ... not that, not here ... please." Envy smirked then, almost like the colonel but infinitely colder, a hollow evil smile the bastard wasn't really capable of putting on. He slapped the boy hard on the back of the head, shutting him up immediately. The sin yanked the boy's pants down around his thighs then, and pressed his own hardness against the boy's leg, letting him feel it on his skin. He leaned down to whisper into Edward's ear.
"You'd better be quiet, chibi, or one of those military dogs might just come waltzing down here. How do you think you could explain the to you precious bastard colonel, hm?" He spoke in his own voice, but with the colonel's mouth, pulling his hips back then, and spitting into his hand. It wasn't ideal, but the sin knew that it would be easier than no lubrication at all. Besides, this way the boy wouldn't get hurt too badly, but he would feel it, he would remember this lesson. He thrust into the boy sharp and quick then, almost catching Ed off guard. The blonde had to shove his hand in his mouth to help bite back the painful squeak in his throat at Envy's thrust. He kept it there, eyes screwed tightly shut, as the sin picked up his pace, pounding into him hard and pushing his hips mercilessly into the side of the cart, his head almost bumping on the wall on the other side with every inward stroke. The sin leaned down again, words tickling cooly in the boy's ear.
"I saw you and him, in his office. don't think i would miss something like that Chibi-san." Envy dug his fingers into the boy's sides viciously, "Tsk, tsk, what did you think would come of that, pipsqueak? Did you think the man would break down and confess undying love? That would be a laugh, he probably feels sorry for a poor little lost pup like you, no mother, no father, no real family left, save a brother you damned to eternity in a tin can." the sin dug his teeth into the boy's neck again then, leaving another angry red mark on the smooth tanned skin, eliciting a muffled gasp from the blonde. Envy smiled, "Besides, did you really think he could ever want you? I mean look at you, your broken, you're damaged goods. You're half a boy, half some cold machine, and so scarred. No, not even the wonderful colonel mustang could love that." Envy's breathing was getting ragged, his voice was breaking slightly in pleasure. Ed could tell the sin was getting close, and he thanked any deity that could hear him, hoping that the man would finish and leave him in peace. He felt like crying, he felt like falling apart, but he didn't want to give Envy the pleasure of seeing him like that.
He felt the sin's nails dig into his hips hard as he came, flooding Edward with slick heat, and making him feel infinitely more dirty than he had ever felt. The sin still smiled evilly with Mustang's face, giving the boy one more hard bite before pulling out and turning to leave, Edward falling backwards onto the floor without the other's weight behind him. The boy let himself fall then, slumping against the wall, catching his breath. The sin stopped at the entrance, still looking so much like the boy's commander, turned to Edward and smiled.
"Remember this Chibi, he will never love you, he will never want you, I am really all you have. Don't let him tell you otherwise." and with that the sin pushed the doors open and walked out, leaving Edward half naked and crying on the floor of the hotel maintenance corridor.