Plant Problems

Disclaimer: See Prologue



Summary: See Prologue



Author's Note: See Prologue for general warnings. For this chapter specifically; Violence, gore, OCs both Saiyan and Icejin, strongly implies the relationship between Toma/Bardock that exists in this timeline, language, and lewd humor...



Part one



"This is the SEVENTH sweep...and we're fucking TIRED!" Jerich snaps, "There is NOTHING out here!"



"SOMETHING ate them," Zorn replies tersely, "We HAVE to find what it is."



"Yeah, well whatever it was ISN'T here!"



Bardock sighs listening to them bicker and wishing they'd keep it down. His eyes strain in the darkness struggling to pick out ANYTHING that might be what they were seeking. "If they're predators we've already scared them into hiding," Toma says quietly coming to his side.



"Yeah, I was kind of worried about that," he mutters, "Loud mouth won't stop WHINING for ten minutes."



Toma snorts as he does another sweep. "It's too damn dark right now. If they're here we are missing them...and that's a dangerous advantage. I would NOT want to end up like that guard."



"Neither would I," Bardock replies gazing at his mate.



"There is nothing out here," Fasha says as she hovers nearby, "If there was, it's long-gone by now."



"We can't just TELL that to the King. We have to FIND them!" Bardock retorts.



"They could be ANYWHERE."



"Which is exactly WHY we need to find them."



Fasha sighs softly. "This is ridiculous. We're out looking for damn flowers."



"Yeah, well, these are ones that'll eat you," Bardock points out.



A moment later, there is a high-pitched keening wail which has them ALL moving towards it. The sight has Jerich flinching as one of his own squad mates struggles to jerk away from a large red form. "Hang on," Jerich tells him moving in only to be struck, violently by a pair of vines he HADN'T been prepared for. "Let GO of him, you bastard!" the male snarls, KI flaring.



"Jerich, that's not going to..." Zorn warns but isn't allowed to finish it before a sphere is launched at the plant. The energy hits and dissolves on contact and the unfortunate victim keeps flailing and screaming bloody murder. As he watches, Bardock flares his own KI but takes two steps before CLEANLY slicing through the leg and hauling the Saiyan back away. He shoves him to Jerich.



"Stop the goddamn bleeding," he snaps before turning to face the plant that emits a quite displeased hissing sound obviously NOT liking that its meal had been jerked away. "Yeah, same to you, you red-petaled nuisance." A moment later, it launches itself at him and Bardock only barely manages to get out of the way. "You FLY, too?" he groans, "Fuck."



It comes back around after him and Bardock struggles to get out of the path. Finally tired of chasing him, it shoots out two vines that wrap around his wrists and jerk him with a strength he hadn't been expecting. "A-ahh..FUCK!" he grits out jerking back trying to offset the plant even though it wasn't really DOING much. "Uh...guys...NOT for nothing...but...some HELP would be GOOD here."



As he watches the plant's petals open further the closer he gets and the sight of really long teeth in the center has Bardock paling realizing that he could very well end up digested NEXT. A moment later, however, has the vines going slack as Toma shoves most of a tree through it. The figure writhes and makes this HORRIFIC sound that has them all wanting to cover their ears. "So, Jerich, you wanna complain about a frickin' FLOWER?" Toma asks.



"Let's get back to the palace," comes his response, "We'll come back with light..." For once NO ONE argues this.



They are met by the king. "We're pretty sure we killed the red petaled one," Zorn says as Jerich gets his comrade inside. "It...tried to eat one of Jerich's men and when Bardock freed him...decided to try and make HIM a meal. Toma didn't approve and shoved a tree through it."



"Well, he clearly dislikes anyone else trying to put their mouth on his mate," the king replies, "Will...the male in question be alright?"



"I am sure he'll be fitted for some artificial limb...though, I'm almost positive he's more thrilled to be alive and not dinner. We couldn't see it...so we're going to go back through during the day with a little more light because KI doesn't work...and they fly...and are strong...damn strong."



"Understood...and I don't blame you one bit. Everyone will be inside and hopefully it's the ONLY one out there."



"That would make things simple. Unfortunately..."



"I know," he says quietly, "but a little optimism never hurts."



He returns to his study awaiting the medical team to let him know about the male's status. Rubbing his temples, the male wonders what in the WORLD was going on with this. A moment later, his scouter goes off. "King Vegeta?" The voice has his countenance going cold and his jaw tightens.



"You know how LITTLE I want to HEAR from you, right?"



"I realize that I am the last race that you want to hear from but...you need to hear me out."



"I have ENOUGH going wrong RIGHT now, Arctic, without you..."



"You have a carnivorous plant?"



He stills. "How...did you know that?"



"Listen to me carefully, Vegeta, PLEASE. Have you found it?"



"One of my Saiyans put a tree through it."



"What color was it?"



"Red. What is this about, Icejin?"



"How long has it been feeding would you estimate?"



"A few months."



"...Not good."



"It's DEAD why does that matter?"



"That was Eve...and she's not...exactly the one to worry about. See...this species of flower was created by one of our botanists for my older brother's amusement. Eve is a carrier which means her one purpose is to have offspring which will all be technically male in gender. THESE will be what you need to concern yourself with."



"What are worse about her male off-spring?"



"The females of this species are JUST carnivorous plants. The offspring are carnivorous-incubi who can take humanoid form and have some gift all their own."



"Did you say..."



"Carnivorous-Incubi...yes. They either consume you or...well, you get the picture. It was...a last gift from my family to yours and I didn't realize they'd sent Eve there."



"So...her increased eating..."



"Was to give energy to the seeds she would have produced. Thirteen of them, to be exact."



Vegeta feels a migraine coming on. "What do I do to KILL them?"



"Well, as you found, most fatal wounds work that aren't KI or element inflicted."



"So unless we chop them into little pieces or skewer them, we're pretty much done for is what you're saying."



"Something like that."



"Arctic, your entire race is fucking useless!" He flips his scouter off before waiting for a response. Damned Icejins and their need to terrorize the universe. Going out the next morning would definitely be top priority as those offspring needed to be found before they matured and caused who KNEW what sort of havoc. He pulls open a drawer and stares at the bottle before deciding that this called for something a little strong to help calm his nerves.



Zorn soon has his scouter going off. "Captain, your king is an idiot so I NEED you to be mature enough for the both of you...can you do this for me?"



"Good evening to you, too, Lord Arctic. I take it from your tone that you MIGHT know a little something about the issue at hand?"



"I know...because my nephew sent it there."



Zorn closes his eyes a moment. "So...how bad are we talking?"



"Thirteen if the plant in question got enough energy to send to the seeds to help them grow. And trust me when I say SHE was the nicest of what you will face."



"Th-thirteen...and they EAT people?!"



"No, the females are known for doing that more than the males," Arctic replies before adding on, "They...have more Incubus tendencies than cannibalistic unless you make them mad."



Zorn stills. "W-wait...WHAT?!! What the HELL did your nephew SEND to our PLANET?!!"



"Semi-carnivorous Incubi flowers."



Zorn closes his eyes. "Goddammit, Arctic!"



"I'm sorry, Captain, but I'm trying to help you."



"CAN we be helped?!"



"Well, Toma pretty much utilized the ONLY fail-safe that works...but I would warn you against attacking THEM first. They can take humanoid form...and each have a separate gift of their own that ranges from ANYTHING, Captain, and I do mean ANYTHING."



"Who thought this a good idea?"



"My older brother, Cold."



Zorn feels a migraine forming. "Arctic, how long does it take them to mature?"



"Three months."



"And how long do they LAST?"



"We're not sure."



"Define NOT sure!"



"The FIRST one that Cold created is turning twenty."



"Twenty...YEARS?!!"



"Mmhmm."



And Zorn could definitely see why this might be a problem. "So tell me...are they nocturnal or..."



"It depends on the personality of the plant in question."



"Arctic, sire, you are NOT helping me."



"I know...and I wish I could make this easier on you. I'm trying to get as much information as I can."



"I don't doubt that. Keep me informed since I am sure that my king just snarled something at you and is currently drinking himself stupid."



"Probably."



"Thank you, though, for calling us. It's...been most informative."



"I just wish it could be HELPFUL."



"Oh, I know," he murmurs, "but rest well." He lets that end the conversation and sighs. Of all the...Why didn't it surprise him that the dead Icejin Tyrants MIGHT actually have the last laugh where their race was concerned? A moment later, Jerich appears. "How is he?"



"Resting...but he'll be alright...for having to learn to handle one leg..."



"So I take it that he's going to be looking for employment?" He just wanted to test the waters and is suitably impressed by the fury that fills Jerich's eyes.



"Excuse me?!"



"Nothing," he replies, "but we need to talk regardless. I just got some information by the Icejin's current ruler."



"What does...No," Jerich groans, "No, PLEASE tell me those damn LIZARDS aren't to blame!"



"They are," Zorn replies, "and it gets worse." He goes through the conversation and ends with, "So THAT is what we're up against."



Jerich closes his eyes before muttering, "I am going to relocate SOMEWHERE else."



"Well, before you do that...you need to help me FIND these offspring."



Jerich groans softly and mutters, "Maybe the damn Icejins SHOULD have made us history...then we wouldn't be worried about fucking FLOWERS!"



Zorn just stays quiet having NO idea how to answer that and pretty sure it really didn't NEED commentary.