[ Himitsu ]
folder
Dragon Ball Z › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
20
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Category:
Dragon Ball Z › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
20
Views:
5,771
Reviews:
95
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own DragonballZ, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
[Chapter .19]
Himitsu
Author: Rena "Sama" / 'the light'
Contact: soaringshadow@yahoo.com
4-21-06 thru 6/5/06
[ Chapter .19 ]
forgave him for anything. I look at him sadly. I can hear the pain in his voice. I want so much to
soothe it away, even though I'm the cause of it. My... our selfish needs will cost us, if not now
then someday. I run my fingers through the hair at the nape of his warm neck.
I'm so different. His fault I've felt so guilty for so long for so many of the things we did.
His fault I keep coming back for more. It'd be so effortless and cowardly to push all my
guilt onto him. It's all because of him that I'm not simple and 'pure' and honest anymore.
That I've become so...ravenous. That I keep things from my wife, or have things to keep
from her at all. He is my scapegoat as much as he is my release. I could blamed him and
his violent, moody charm for everything that seemed to be going so very wrong with my life.
hurt people just like I have. And will probably never be forgiven, just like I won’t.
guilt and responsibility.
his face is trying to convey.
The mirror is no longer there for me to try and steal glimpses of his face.
over his shoulder.
Or maybe he sounds exactly like himself.
few feet, holding my chin, glaring at him before he crosses his arms and turns
away from me.
of our systems?' That maybe now that we've ...we... Now since that is out of the way, there
is a shot at going back to the way things were? He's as delusional as I was. And I
think he knows it.
willing to lie to himself one more time. At least try... Not for himself, but for her. For them.
through the uncomfortable silence. My muscles are tired and lethargic as I move. I
ignore my sluggishness and the wall Bejiita has put around himself when I'd been so close
to him only minutes before.
that something is very wrong, something is missing as I push two fingers to my forehead
and vanish.
Chichi slept on is empty, which means she's already in bed. Maybe I can slip in without her
noticing.
my way to the shower and unsuccessfully wash Bejiita and my lies off my skin.
I don’t turn around or continue the conversation. It's so much easier to be guilty alone. But
when you have to look someone in the eye with all the guilt you carry... that's where the
real pain. lies.
my unwillingness to meet his eyes and my haggard appearance. Not to mention the marks
on any exposed skin were roughly the same size as Bejiita's hands. God I’m a mess.
I never seem to remember my senzu beans. But then.. even though I craved Bejiita night
and day, these meetings of ours always managed to be unexpected.
and a million question fly around in my head before they have a chance to leave my mouth.
I just wonder what exactly gave me away. When had it become so clear.
up to my face. I remember only 10 minutes ago I was screaming for more under the onslaught
of Bejiita's masterful thrusts as he panted and moaned above me.
you were tonight. "
the unease in his voice. He saw us, last week in the snow when Bejiita stalked up to me,
gorgeous and cruel and told me it would never happen again. Before I swallowed his
anger and resistance with a kiss. Before I proved him and his misplaced resolve
very wrong. Then I practically chased him down in the nude, begging him to stay.
my need for Bejiita is and what happens when we're within five feet of one another.
Saw the things that should have been so very personal and private. Suddenly, I felt so
very exposed. As much as I wanted to alleviate myself of guilt, to have someone know
and understand, I didn't want my youngest son to be one of those people.
nothing to do with food. I hate this feeling. I'd rather be anywhere but here.
just acting so strange lately... and I just happened to look out the window when Bejiita
landed in our backyard... Then you... you..."
violent meeting of our lips. Like I needed that from him more than I needed to breathe.
anyone else to know that.
I almost start to walk away again before he continues.
to hear.
my feelings for her was what prompted me to go to him in the first place.
who’s done something wrong. He's just worried about his father's strange behavior
and saw what he shouldn't have.
it myself. If ever.
why I keep asking him this.
[ ..... ]
my skin frantically and try to blink away images of Bejiita moaning and bucking under me as
the throaty sounds of his pleasure intermingle with Chichi’s sobs in my head.
[ ..... ]
slept at all. My mind whirls with questions unanswered. My body aches for a touch
I shouldn’t want, and my heart for the memory of the fiery dark hared woman it used
to beat for. Has my love for Chichi truly faded? What did I really want from Bejiita?
What was he really giving me that my wife couldn't? Besides the obvious.
the stairs.
I'm already there waiting for the pancakes to rise. I wonder if she'll notice that.
[ ..... ]
day. Sadly, I'm kinda glad he's not here to look at me with his knowing eyes. I sit at
the table with my back to Chichi as I wait for food. A plate of waffles in set down
in front of me. As soon as the plate hits the table I eat quickly and messily. As if I
haven't seen food in days. It's only now when I'm eating that I notice how hungry
I am.
scarfing the eggs down now, faster than Chichi can even cook them. Grabbing fruit
from the bowl at the center of the table, I pack food into my mouth and barely leave
myself time to breathe. Everything tastes divine! Even things I wasn't crazy about
before. I gulp down the entire carton or orange juice without a second thought.
kitchen for more. My stomach growls angrily as if I hadn't just fed it. I move
towards the fridge.
of the fridge and consuming it. Even things that need to be cooked first. Even
condiments. Chichi watches in awe and maybe horror as I down a month's worth
of food without blinking. The more I eat the hungrier I get. The sensation of the
potato chips, or wasabi, or cheese, or juice gliding over my tongue only makes
me want more. These foods don't even mix well, but to my stomach it hardly matters.
Sitting down in front of the open fridge, I'm surrounded by empty cartons, bottles,
containers, banana peels and apple cores.
my stomach persists. Chichi simply sighs, probably thinking maybe I've just been
training more than usual.
[ ..... ]
by complaining that he's losing weight not being able to eat at home. Chichi, not quite
as humorous, scolds me about the astronomical food bills. I scratch the back of my neck
and laugh it all off, trying in vain to resist the urge to put more food in my mouth.
[ ..... ]
store this month. I lie on the couch as if I'm famished and wasting away. She slams
the door behind her. The noise makes my aching head spin even more. I shift on the couch
restlessly and can't seem to relax.
It's strange how needs manifest themselves in such indirect ways.
at a lot of my behavior.
plan to take my pleasure in him does not come to fruition. I stand just outside his door
when I realize Bulma is there as well. They're arguing. I can feel a wave of unease and
sadness coming from them. Their words are barely audible. I listen closely, peaking around
the door frame whenever I can.
his chest with weak melancholy blows as she sniffs. Holding back her tears. Bejiita
regards her with the stiff back and the pain in his eyes of a man who had secrets to tell.
absolutely did not want anyone else to know about it. Especially not Bulma. I pictured
her reaction in my head too many times. I couldn't bear to see it. It hurt too much.
But not as much as it would her.
stands there silently.
forgotten so soon?]
do again, that I’d completely forgotten how I was affecting their relationship.
Bejiita's anger after our coupling and his sureness that he’d never be forgiven does
not truly hit home until now. Until I'm so sure we've been found out and that Bulma
is suffering. But, she doesn't know. Instead, she's been suffering from her own
infinitely smaller bit of guilt. Her one submission to temptation. When she kissed me...
in his chest.
undoes her. Her Achilles’ heel. I was one of the very few who knew.
from what Bulma believes it to be.
from your room one night last week..." Sniff. "She said there were pieces of Son Kun's shirt
and blood on the floor..."
We were fighting, that much was true. But there was so much more to that night that no
one else knew.
admit it. ..." Sniff. She pauses to wipe her eyes. And he finally looks down and meets her
red rimmed baby blues.
her hands up his body towards his face. Her need to be forgiven and for something else
is evident in the way she moves. The way she leans against him, the way she runs her fingers
through his unruly hair and pulls his head forward for a kiss.
pulls her tightly against him, deepening the kiss. She was not the one who should beg for
forgiveness, for peace of mind or for affection. From the lack of skyrocketing ki, I guess
they haven’t been together since the night of the Gizmo Show when we... we...
couldn’t look her in the eye. The way I can't look at Goten or Chichi. It was penance for
himself.
hands roam heatedly over Bejiita's body as she quickly rids him of his always too tight
clothing. She stares at him hard now. At his now exposed, tanned skin as if the two weeks
of sex's absence made her forget how attractive he is. Made her forget how much she
would miss what only he could give her. Bulma gasps and blushes lightly as Bejiita pulls
the clothes off her body before immediately pushing her down on the bed.
pitched groan as he hastily fondles her breasts. He rolls her sensitive nipples under his
fingers before replacing them with a hot mouth. "Uuhh!!!!!" Bulma tosses her head from
side to side in abandon as sweat beads up on her skin.
knead her breasts and slowly lick his way downwards. She trembles and smiles deliriously,
tilting her head back, baring the gentle curve of her throat.
begins to crack and splinter under my hand.
It should be me gasping and gyrating under him. His hair in my fingers. My legs wrapped
around his head as he buries his face in my lap. His hands on the under side of my thighs
pushing my legs out of the way. The tightness and warmth of my body making him cry out
in pleasure as he plunges into me.
as I watch them just beyond the door. My forehead is painfully hot and my chest burns
with profound jealousy. I somehow want him even more now. As much of a voyeur as I
once was, I can't watch them for long. As explosively pleasurable and erotic make up
sex can be, I can't bring myself to witness anymore. Instead of causing me vicarious
pleasure, it causes pain. Because I know what it's like to I ache for him. I know the slick
slide of his perspiring tanned skin feels like against my own. I know how the tip of
his penis feels as it brushes the roof of my mouth. I know how he tastes, how he sounds,
how he feels inside of me. How his breath hitches when I wrap my lips around him. How
his sweat drips down onto my skin and his pleasure becomes my own.
wrong. Even when he belongs with her. Even when she is his. It sees wrong to me.
But no more wrong than my despicable cheating, lies and countless secrets.
churned inside me, I find for once... in weeks... I'm not hungry. I don’t itch. I don't want
anymore. Like I'd reached the zenith of my burgeoning desire and just finally became
numb to it. The perpetual burning between my legs slowly cools.
Continued.
A/N
1. It's strange how needs manifest themselves in such indirect ways.
Anyone ever have this happen to them? I know I have. Gokuu's reaction
to being horny but thinking he's hungry is actually from personal experience.
T.M.I. hahah XD !