The Rest of the Story

A/N: Just prior to the ending of Worlds Collide, Ed is looking through the information Nicholas received once he became a state alchemist.
Pamphlets
Ed looked over the information Nicholas had received upon taking the state alchemists exam. He hated more than anything that his own child was going to be in the military, and yet he wasn’t entirely surprised. The young man was, after all, a brilliant alchemist and one who liked to do things on a large scale. Looking over the papers at the man currently fixing supper or even taking a moment to consider himself, Ed couldn’t deny that his son got it honest.

There was a large book of military rules and policy, which Ed was sure the blond young man would disregard as easily as Ed himself had. There was also a little brochure on maintaining the watch. Then he uncovered one on sexual conduct within the military.

“I never got this one,” Ed said aloud.

"This one what?” Roy asked, looking over his shoulder.

“Brochure.” He waved the pink piece of folded paper at his husband. “And why is it pink?”

Roy shrugged. “That color choice was left up to the communications and health departments.” He turned back to resume cooking his stir fry. “I don’t know if we presented those to members of the military when you joined.”

Ed opened up the pink paper and glanced over it. He saw warnings of sexually transmitted diseases and flinched at them. “You know, I never asked you if you were clean,” he said. “I should have known to do that.”

“Well, you didn’t receive the sex talk, and you trusted me.”

“The sex talk? Like from my parents?” the younger man looked at his husband.

“Thirty-eight and you’re still dense about some things.” Roy chuckled. “No, Ed. I mean the one you get in the military.”

“The one I’m supposed to get from my superior officer, who also happened to be the one doing me?”

“All these years and your vocabulary is still so lacking?” Roy asked.

“All these years and you still talk to me like I’m twelve?” Ed asked, taking on a similar, condescending tone to his husband.

Roy shook his head and continued cooking. “You didn’t get the talk because no one felt it was necessary. You joined at the age of twelve and went nowhere without Al. Then, when it was about time to sit you down and give it to you—” Roy broke off to quickly get the cooking food off the stove.

“You were giving it to me,” Ed said, sitting down and propping his feet up on another chair.

“The rebellion broke out in Central,” Roy said, tersely. “Are you trying to make me out to be a pedophile?”

Ed yawned. “No, though you’re acting a little bit like a drama queen.” He started to read over the pamphlet. “You’ve never had any of these diseases, have you?”

“No,” Roy said. “I haven’t.”

“Warts?” Ed asked, incredulously. “That’s just… wrong.”

“Ed, are you really telling me you’ve never heard of STDs?”

“I’ve heard of them,” the younger man said defensively. “But I didn’t know what all they entailed. These descriptions are just disgusting.”

“Well, STDs generally are,” Roy said, matter-of-factly as he continued to cook.

“You know what I mean, Bastard.” Ed glared up at him, but only received a smirk in return.

Ed continued to skim the document. “What the hell? ‘Remember that when you sleep with your partner, you are sleeping with everyone he or she has been with.’” Ed dropped the paper on the table. “That’s just…” His face twisted in disgust. “I think I’m going to be sick.”

“I beg your pardon?” Roy said, turning around, looking somewhat offended.

“Archer. Frank ‘I’m a son of a bitch’ Archer.” Ed looked down at the paper, seriously wishing he had a pair of the pyrotex gloves on at the moment to incinerate the thing.

“Ed, that was back in the Academy. You were only four at the time.”

“You aren’t helping your case.” He glared again at the pink paper. “I want you to order a rewrite of it. Take that line out.”

“Ed, it is an effective line,” Roy said. Then, his tone turned mocking. “And the damage it’s done to your fragile little psyche cannot be reversed.” He brought two plates over and set them on the table in front of his husband.

“You know, you’re right,” Ed said, starting to eat the meal. “Which is why I don’t think my ‘fragile little psyche’ can handle the idea of having sex with you for a while.”

Roy dropped his fork, black eyes growing wide. “Now wait a minute, you’re being unreasonable.”

Ed pointed to the pink pamphlet. “No means no,” he said, finger directing Roy's eyes to the same line on the document.

********

Unsurprisingly, a newly edited version of the document was printed in a matter of days.