A Dream No Longer

Chapter Three: Letter

Eventually Edward had moved from Roy’s lap and taken up residence beside him until he’d wanted to lie down. Then young man had moved across from him and used the brown coat as a blanket. For all of Ed’s traveling on trains, he should have remembered that at least in the private cars, there were pillows and blankets. So Roy had pulled a pillow and blanket down from an overhead compartment and helped Edward get comfortable. The young man had protested that he wasn’t tired, but Roy could see it with every move Ed made.

It hadn’t taken much time for the blond alchemist to drift to sleep and then Roy got the chance, he’d not had in years; he had the opportunity to watch Edward sleep. A soft wave of contentment had washed over the Flame Alchemist as the afternoon and evening wore on.

Somewhere between late evening and two in the morning, Roy had fallen asleep. He didn’t awaken until the train pulled into the station and the steward called out their stop, knocking on the door softly.

Roy yawned, stretching lazily, popped his neck and tried to rub the budding kink out. “Fullme…” Roy let the title die on his lips. As much as he’d missed calling the young man that, saying his name was ascetically more pleasing to his ears. “Edward, we’re here.”

Ed mumbled and turned onto his side.

Roy smiled. He remembered the days when Ed had been hard to rouse after a long train ride. He remembered the kid being late to more than one debriefing if the boys had arrived late in the night.

“Are you expecting me to carry you off the train bridal style?” He asked and his smirk grew into full bloom as Ed muttered something then shot up to his feet with a glare. Absent was the screaming, but the ire was still very much alive and he was glad to know not all things had changed.

“Central?” Ed asked after a moment.

“Mm hmm,” Roy replied and opened the door, secretly worried about what would face him when he stepped on the platform. “Shall we?”

The blond fixed his mussed hair and smoothed down his clothes. “Yeah,” suddenly the young man smiled and caught hold of his uniform sleeve, “Come on.”

Half dragged from the private car and off the train, Roy followed Ed, asking about his luggage. Edward waved a hand in dismissal, pausing to look around, and in that moment Mustang knew the boy had indeed planned something. Familiar faces began to rise one by one among the small throng of tired passengers, faces he’d not seen in months, his subordinates.

“Welcome home, General.” Hawkeye said in her quiet, calm way. “I have a room in a hotel ready for you until the details can be settled on where you want to live. There are a few things we need to catch you up on, Sir.”

“I’m not a General anymore, Hawkeye, you can drop the ‘Sir’.”

She exchanged a look with the rest of his previous subordinates. “Not for long.”

Uh huh, Roy thought but said nothing. He could understand Riza, Havoc, Breda, Fury, and Falman wanting him back in command, they had been loyal until the end. But how had they pulled Edward into their fold? Was it truly Ed’s wish or had he been coerced?

“This way General,” Havoc said then lit the cigarette dangling from his mouth, “Nice work, Ed. Wish I know how you got him to come back.”

Ed said nothing but nudged Roy’s arm as Havoc motioned for them to follow.

Roy didn’t ask questions the questions that formed quickly in his mind as they rode to an inn near the city park. They would all be answered in the morning no doubt. No one asked questions of him but glanced at him periodically from time to time before dropping he and Edward off.

Hawkeye handed Edward a key, “I ordered room service and it should be waiting for you.”

“Thanks Riza,” Ed replied with a grin.

“Now hold on a minute, are you making Edward my babysitter?”

“You may call it equivalent exchange, Sir. As you looked after Edward for a time, Edward will look after you. Good night, General, Edward.” With that she turned and got back into the car, ordering Havoc to drive.

For a brief moment Roy stood in a small state of disbelief. He wondered what he’d ever done to fall on her shit list then eyed Ed, finding an all to satisfied and nefarious grin. “I suppose you were in on this.”

“Oh yeah, someone has to keep you from sneaking away. Who better than me?”

Roy perked a brow, “Alright, Edward, then tell me what they are up to.”

“I asked Havoc to put my suitcase in the room. The letters are inside, if you are a good boy, I’ll let you read them.” Ed replied with began to head for the doors of the inn.

What was that term the superstitious used when something they’d done in the past came to bite them in the ass? Roy couldn’t remember as he followed Ed inside. However, Edward had better enjoy this moment while he could for it would be short lived.

Roy knew before Ed opened the door the room would be nice. But he didn’t expect it to be a suite complete with a small living area, dinning area, kitchen, and closed off bathroom. Nor did he expect to find a box with some of his left behind clothing and his only photo album to be sitting on the table.

He heard the click of the lock and Ed’s feet crossing the room. Ed put his suit case on the table and opened it up.

“They’re a little wrinkled but they made it through the gate.” He said lifting a stack of letters tied together with string. There were more than the Flame Alchemist had ever expected there to be, the stack was at least five inches thick.

“What did you do, write me a novel?” He asked holding out his hand to receive.

Ed shook his head with a thoughtful expression, “No,” He didn’t hand them over but pulled the top free of its binding. “I think I’ll give you one a day.”

“To keep me here?” Roy asked.

“Not really, I can just drag your ass back if you leave, by force if necessary. No, actually…” Ed scratched his head with a sigh, “Would you mind replying to them?”

Roy cast his eye to the stack then to the one Edward held out. He was touched, truly, and pressed a kiss to Edward’s head. “Of course.” He might even get a little creative with such replies and try to match the dates on the letter to what was happening here. No doubt Edward had only gotten brief fill in description. He would do his best and since these letters were of personal nature, or seemed to be, he would offer the same. Who knew, perhaps they would be somewhat therapeutic. At least it would give him some idea of what the other world was like and all Edward had seen and experienced there.

Ed pressed the letter into his hand and turned his attention to the cart of food. “Dinner smells good. Hungry?”

“Yes,” Roy answered, tucking the letter into his uniform breast pocket. He would read it later, perhaps while he soaked in the bathtub and reply before bed. For now he cleared off the table and helped Edward transfer their dinner. When he tried to open the curtains to look out over the park, Ed stopped him.

“We might be a few floors up but no one knows you are back yet, not even Gracia and Elicia. Hawkeye would like to keep it that way until you find a place to live.”

Roy sighed, “Am I in danger, Ed?”

Ed grinned, “No, but she thinks it would be better for you to slip in right under the military’s nose then pounce.”

“I see,” Roy let the curtain go and sat at the table. “What makes you think the higher ups don’t have connections to civilians.”

“Oh she and Havoc took care of that. Let’s eat.”

Roy just bet they had. Oh well, no sense in letting dinner get cold while trying to figure out just what his subordinate were planning for him to do.

Dinner was an excellent array and well balanced. Probably better than he and Edward would have ordered for themselves, but knowing Hawkeye, she’d prepared for that and probably set up all their meals to be healthy and delicious at the same time.

After dinner, Roy headed for the bathroom and closed the door. He made certain to pull his pajamas out and take them along since he wasn’t ready for Edward to see him. Not that he was overly shy, but he didn’t want Edward asking questions he wasn’t ready to answer.

As he descended into the steaming liquid paradise of a hot bath, he relaxed. It had been ages since he’d had a hot bath and while he didn’t have his favorite scotch or brandy to sip, this was heaven enough. He did however, have Edward’s letter to read and so reached for it, drying his hands before he dared touch it.

The second letter, as Roy learned as he read, was more like a rant. Ed was angry and frustrated, worried about his brother, and worried about everyone else. After three pages, Roy knew Edward was in a place called England and didn’t know why his auto-mail was failing. His father had made replacements and Edward was looking into something called a rocket as a way to get home. He learned that while Ed was trying, it was difficult to feel comfortable around his father.

While still a letter, it was written in the standard form of a military report, or at least it had turned into such. Immediately, Roy saw this letter for what it was; a way for Edward to keep some sense of stability and sanity in a foreign world where he was naked of everything he knew. And at the end, before the signature, Edward admitted that he wished Roy were there to give him direction, or admonish him, he‘d take anything, but most of all he wanted to see him.

Roy set the letter aside and thought of his response as he bathed his body of the day’s travel, dried himself, and dressed in his blue pajamas. He combed his hair, secured his eye patch, picking up the letter before he left the bathroom. As soon his good eye found Edward sitting on the sofa reading a book, he approached him and bent over the back, embracing him from behind. It wasn’t just because he had feelings for the young alchemist or that he wanted to and could, it was because he thought Edward needed it.

Ed stiffened, obviously startled, then relaxed and set the book aside. “We should go to bed. Hawkeye, if I remember right, gets started early.” Ed said after a few moments.

“She does,” Roy confirmed softly and slowly pulled away.

While Edward was in the bathroom changing, Roy dug through the desk in the small living area until he found a stationary set and hid it in the nightstand beside the bed he was claiming. Then he slipped into bed and turned out the lamp, leaving the room dark. He would wait until Edward slept then give the boy a response and slip it into Edward’s shoe. At least there he was certain the boy would find it.

It didn’t take Ed long to come from the bathroom and find his bed, mumbling as he stumbled over something and crawled in. “You could have left the light on until I got into bed, you know.”

Roy chuckled, “And miss hearing your annoyance?”

“Good night,” Ed bit.

“Good night, Edward.” he said and after a few minutes of listening to Ed toss and turn, he heard the blond sigh and get out of bed. What he didn’t expect was to feel his bed dip with the weight of the young man. Naturally he tensed and reached for the light but Ed caught his arm.

“Um… May I… sleep here?” There was such apprehension in Ed’s voice, enough to match his own. Still Roy was able to see reason.

“I don’t mind, Edward, really I don’t. However, I think we both know Hawkeye probably has a key of her own and will let herself in.” Edward’s body tensed instantly.

“Oh… I guess I didn’t think-” Roy hushed him with a finger to his lips and sat up.

“She would keep it a secret, but are you ready to let others know?” He asked. Truth was, he bet Hawkeye already suspected there was something more going on between them. She was that intuitive.

Ed made a noise of discomfort and deflated. “I don’t know. It’s… Al knows but he’s my brother.”

Roy figured as much. There was very little the two brothers kept from each other. “I have an idea, Ed, why don’t I come to your bed and stay until you’re asleep.”

“It’s not the same,” Ed pouted.

“But it would be a better arrangement until we find a place to live.” He wondered how Ed knew the difference before realizing Edward and Alphonse must have shared a bed together many times.

“I hate it when you’re like that.” Ed muttered and backed away then crawled into his bed.

“What? Right, Ed, I’m always right.” He replied, following. Apparently Ed didn’t just want him to be in the same bed, he wanted to cuddle and it was a bit awkward since Ed didn’t know ‘how’ he wanted to. Which was a bit frustrating to the Flame Alchemist.

Finally, after much wiggling and sighing, Roy made Ed lay with his back to him and spooned up behind him, tucked him in, and slipped his arm around Ed’s waist. Damn he was warm and it felt all too good to hold him like this. “If you move again, I will bite you.”

“Well that sounds kinky.”

That should have been his line. “You know it is a bit difficult to lie here, especially after kissing you-”

“Yeah about that, I want another one.” Ed interrupted.

No, not demanding at all, Roy supposed some things would never change with Ed. As wonderful as that was, it terrified him. A kiss in bed in a dark room could go in several directions, some of which were too early to take. He couldn’t let it go too far, it wasn’t the right moment or the right place and he didn’t want either of them to be hurt.

Ed turned in his arms, trembling a little, but determined to get what he wanted. Roy could barely see him in the dim glow of light coming in from under the main door. He’d locked it earlier and no one would enter unless they had a key or used Alchemy to pick the lock. It was a little frightening and exciting.

Ed’s fingertips brushed over his cheek and without the noise of the train, Roy could hear just how shallow the young man’s breathing had become, how quick and barely there. Roy promised himself he wouldn’t let it go too far and gave Edward what he wanted, kissing him tenderly.

It was sweet and innocent at first, but Ed wanted a little more and whimpered softly for it. Tongues intertwined and breathing became quicker. Hands began to roam and explore, bodies pressed closer, and Roy found himself with a predicament; the same he felt on Edward.

Too far.

Gently he broke the kiss, resisting the urge to kiss Ed’s jaw and neck. Ed whimpered half in wanting, half in embarrassment. But there was nothing to be embarrassed of. In fact it was quite flattering.

“We should sleep.” Roy whispered and pressed a kiss to Ed’s forehead.

“Yeah… sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“’K,” Ed made to motion to turn away, but pulled him down for another kiss. Roy gave in and let go enough to lose himself for a little while; long enough find Ed’s neck with his lips, slip his hand under Ed’s pajama top to let his fingers taste the warmth and softness of skin to the contrast of cold, smooth metal.

Edward moaned softly and rubbed himself against him, making Roy weak, making him roll Ed onto his back and settle between the boy’s legs and press their erections against each other. He waited for Ed to push him away. Waited for Ed panic but nothing ever came of his waiting other than Ed bucking his hips.

Too late…

“Doesn’t have to be all the way.” Ed panted a bit nervously.

“You’ll be the,” He nipped the boy’s neck, “death of me.” He groaned and pulled his pants down enough to free his cock, doing the same to Ed. Both of them gasped the moment he pressed down again and then Ed moaned and frantically wrapped his arms around him as Roy began grind. It was Roy’s undoing. He let go and while still gentle, he let Edward have what he wanted. He made Fullmetal moan and whimper, made him pant and gasp, and then he made him cum.

Roy wished there had been a light on so he could see the beauty he heard. So he could see the wondrous stiffening and arching, the warm seed spilling from Ed’s penis, the last bit was enough to send him over the edge.

Finally when they had settled and regained their breath and they were a mess of tangled limbs, Ed’s lips lazily found his and auto-mail fingers trailed up his spine. Roy shivered and Ed apologized, pulling away.

“Don’t, I like it.” Roy whispered rubbing Ed’s hip soothingly. “And never be afraid to touch me with that leg or that arm. Auto-mail doesn’t bother me, Edward.”

“Y-you sure?” Ed asked timidly.

Roy smiled, pressing a kiss to Ed’s lips and then to the auto-mail port of his shoulder. The metal was cold and smelled faintly of oil. “It’s part of the whole I adore. How could it bother me?” He placed more kisses to Ed’s prosthetic shoulder.

“I wish I could feel that… I do, the pressure, but it’s not the same.”

“It’s better,” Roy told him softly.

Ed let out a wry chuckle, “What you got a fetish for metal?”

“No, just for all things you. I like every part of you, Ed.” He admitted freely and was surprised how easily it had left his lips. Perhaps it just that simple given what they’d done in this bed moments ago. He supposed since they’d broken two barriers the rest would be broken soon in the future, but he didn’t want this to be only lust; this thing growing between them.

“You’ll really stay until I’m asleep?”

“Mmm hmm,” He replied softly, “But first…” Roy left the bed and hunted down a wash cloth in the bathroom, soaking it with warm water. He cleaned himself, rinsed it, and went back to Ed, cleaning the young man gently, before tossing the rag aside to pick up later. Then he held the boy until sleep finally claimed him.

When Roy was certain Ed wouldn’t awaken, he slipped from the bed and went back to his own, switching on the light and wrote the response to Edward’s letter. It wasn’t as long as Ed’s and he couldn’t really give Edward direction or advice. However, he was honest and let Edward know of the things he’d been doing, let him know he’d been just as lost and worried, but that he wasn’t giving up on finding him.

When the letter was finished, he sealed it and put it in Ed’s shoe before turning out the light and settling down for sleep. But sleep never came. Over and over he questioned things, wondered what was going on that made everyone want him back in the higher ranks, and he wondered if perhaps the little event and loss of control in Ed’s bed had been a mistake. It had felt right, now that he looked back on it, but had it been? And how far would they go when left alone again tomorrow evening?

Uncomfortable thoughts sped through Roy’s mind. He’d never felt so possessive for a potential lover before, not like this, nor had he felt jealous at the thought that someone else might have touched or kissed the sleeping alchemist. He didn’t mind if Ed wasn’t a virgin, he wasn’t, but he didn’t like the idea of having to erase the marks left behind by another. He didn’t want Edward to make comparisons and be left wanting and unsatisfied.

This was ridiculous, it didn’t matter one way or the other, Roy reasoned with himself and turned over. Ed was here now and after all of the kisses and humping, he wasn’t going to let him slip from his fingers so easily.

***

Four am rolled around leaving Roy awake and bored out of his skull. He’d tried a walk down the hotel hall, he’d tried to read a book, and tried telling himself a story but nothing worked. His mind refused to calm down and he wished there was scotch to drink. No matter what Hawkeye said, she was letting him buy some today or she’d have to buy it for him if she was so determined not to let him be seen. He had half a mind to call her, wake her up, and make her talk.

In fact he was about to do so when Ed rose from bed, glared at the light, muttered something about coffee, and drug himself to the bathroom. Much to his surprise he heard the shower turn on and waited curiously to see what was going on.

Ten minutes later Ed came out dressed, pulling his hair back into a pony tail. The young man yawned and sat on his bed, reaching for the phone. “Morning.”

“Morning… are you really up?”

Ed blinked at him then nodded, “Yeah, why?”

“It’s a little after four.”

Ed turned the clock around then shrugged, “I’m usually up around this time.”

“You used to be late sleeper.” Roy said unsure of what to make of this new-to-him-development.

Ed smiled, “I know, it shocked Al to for awhile. Ready for breakfast?”

“Yeah,” He replied and rose from bed to get dressed, dressed in civilian clothing since he supposed he was to be discreet.

When he left the bathroom, Edward was sitting at the table with a cup of coffee in one hand and his letter in the other. Roy casually sat at the table and lifted a plate from the cart to find eggs, bacon, and toast.

“Hawkeye’s orders?” He asked.

Edward nodded and set the letter aside to eat his breakfast. “I think she is planning to focus on finding you a house today.”

“Shouldn’t take too long,” Roy replied, wondering what the hell they were going to do while they waited for her to arrive. She probably wouldn’t be around until seven at the earliest and nine at the latest.

“About last night… was that okay?” Edward asked nervously.

“Well, how do you feel about it?” Roy returned. Strange how at this very moment nervousness flared to life within him. But He was the picture of calm on the outside; like old times when he had to be calm so Edward could be a mess if he needed to be.

“… it felt really good…”

“But?” Roy kept his expression relaxed while his voice showed a hint of seriousness. It had felt good too him as well but if Edward wasn’t comfortable, they would have to come to terms with it and make certain to take it slower.

“Did you like it?”

Of course he’d liked it, what a silly question. Edward was feeling the waters to get a good read, he could tell. This was what Ed sometimes did when he wasn’t sure about something and wanted to be sure. He’d seen more of this behavior as the young man had grown older and had experienced more in life. So he offered something sensible.

“Yes, I did. But I do think we should take things slow, Ed.”

“Oh… good.” Ed finished his coffee and began to rise from the table but Roy caught his arm.

“What is it Ed? Are you uncomfortable?” He could read the struggle in every line of Edward’s frame.

“No,” the younger alchemist said, “It’s… It’s just that, I don’t know how these things work, and I want…” he sighed, “I’ve never been with anyone. There wasn’t time and then when I realized who I wanted, you were unattainable.”

Edward hadn’t even dated? Roy rose and tugged Edward closer. “I’m not unattainable now.”

“That’s just the problem!” Ed snapped and Roy was suddenly very confused.

“I’m not certain I follow.”

Ed let out a moan of frustration, “I’m home, you’re here… I want to do things with you like last night. I want the damned light on so I can see your face when you… you know.”

“Cum?” Roy asked with a smirk. Ed couldn’t have been more adorable if he tried.

“Yeah, but at the same time, I don’t want to rush and mess it all up.” Ed admitted with a frustration he’d not seen in the young man in sometime. “I want to do this right.”

“I understand,” Roy said and sat casually, “I will be honest, Edward, I have the same fears. I am also testing you in a way. I understand that is a bit unfair, but it’s not just my feelings I have to worry about, it’s yours. After what’s happened to us both, this is a bit surreal in a sense that I keep wondering if I will wake and find this all to have been a dream.”

“It feels real,” Ed muttered, scratching his head. “So, you’re kind of scared then?”

“You could put it that way although; my ego would rather call it something else.” He smiled, “But to be honest, I’m very nervous and a little shy of this whole thing.”

Ed snorted, “You, shy? That’s hard to believe.”

Roy perked a brow in slight annoyance, “A couple of years ago, that assumption would have been correct depending on the person and depending on how serious things were with whom ever it was I was dating at the time I wouldn‘t have been.”

“So what makes me so different?”

Roy smiled. Was Edward fishing for compliments? “Don’t get me wrong, I have respect for the women I’ve dated and slept with, but you’re different in a way that you’ve been very special to me for quite sometime. I’ve lost you twice Edward, the first time I didn’t know I was attracted to you and liked you, it took me time to realize it. The second time… I didn’t get to tell you how I felt much less if you would accept such a confession. No matter how much I would have liked to have a reciprocation on those feelings, I would have been satisfied that you knew how much you meant to me and that you weren‘t simply a tool to boost me up the ranks. If that makes any sense.”

Ed flopped down in his chair thoughtfully. “It does… So what do we do now?”

Roy shrugged, feeling a little drained, exposed, and tired from lack of sleep. “Well, as I said, it depends on you. I would like to take things slow and as old fashioned as it sounds, court you properly. I feel a bit strange doing things in a hotel room when it should be a bed that‘s ours.”

Ed blushed but smiled, “It sounds like a plan.” His smile faded, “But when I kiss you-”

“It’s difficult,” Roy admitted and yawned. “I don’t want to be rude, but I think I need a nap.” The conversation was odd and he’d expected Edward to scowl and call him corny instead of smile.

“’K, I’ll wake you when Hawkeye gets here.” Ed replied. Roy felt his eyes follow him to the bed and as he lay down, he heard Ed approach and turn off the light.

“I can sleep it with on.” He said quietly.

“I’m going to take a book and read over on the sofa. The lamp's far enough away that it shouldn’t shine in your eye.” Ed replied and did just that.