Not My Burden

“You're built to destroy...You can NEVER belong...”-Lilo and Stitch, Jumba

Gohan=15 Goten=4 Trunks=5
Not My Burden
Chapter 4
When We Don't Breathe

(Warning: Extreme Angst and self-mutilation up in this chapter. Rape and explicit yaoi in this chapter too, you've been WARNED!)
----------X

The dream had begun normal: ChiChi had been yelling at a younger Gohan (about 8, he expected) to go study while he whined about wanting to go train with daddy. Of course, the woman screamed her orders to the sky, but the boy was adamant about it.

“Mom, I want to train with daddy!”

“Not while I'm around! You can do that on weekends or something, but today-”

“No, mom, this is really important! We can't put off training anymore! I need to help daddy!” And he took off, an angry glare coming to his face. Then the dream morphed into after the Cell Games... Gohan was sitting alone in front of a tombstone marked with his father's name, tears cascading down his reddened cheeks.

“Daddy, I didn't mean to kill you, I didn't mean it! I want you here, I need you here and all I can do is hope that you can forgive your son for killing you...” Rain began to fall as the boy's head tilted downward, his tears now mixing with the tears of the heavens.

As Gohan's eyes began to blur, the ground below him began to shake, causing the boy to tumble as he watched the world around him crack and break; he was left in a place that looked like the Hyperbolic Time Chamber, but all was black and hidden.

“You killed me, Gohan!” came his dad's voice as he looked up, tears stunned into place on his face.

“B-but, daddy-” and he was hit across the face, a backhand out of nowhere as he fell to the ground, blood staining his hands.

“I trusted you and....You killed me! You disgusting freak of nature! I hope you go to Hell for all your sins!” Goku's voice wavered in and out of focus as Gohan stared blankly at the blood on his hands with something akin to horror flickering to life on his face.

That's when the darkness lifted and suddenly bodies of his friends were surrounding him, their corpses bleeding as they lay lifeless. Gohan's hand shook as he realized the blood on his hands came from Vegeta in front of him, the prince's usually stubborn stare gone in those cold dead eyes.

“G-gohan...” Came Piccolo's voice as the Namekian reached for Gohan, blood covering his severed body.

“Mr-Mr. Piccolo!” the boy choked out as he ran to his mentor, tears spilling from his eyes as he knelt down next to Piccolo.

“W-why...? Why did you kill...us...?” the eyes were losing focus even as Gohan let out a terrified yelp, his black orbs pouring tears now as he saw his mentor die in front of him. Then a power level appeared in front of him as he cried, his wails piercing the air.

“Good job, my pet...” That voice-!

Gohan slowly looked up, meeting magenta eyes which slitted into amusement as the perfect Cell smirked at him.

“You'll never be able to redeem yourself now!” and the evil creature laughed, long and loud as Gohan stared unseeingly at his hands, the blood starting to stain them.

The scene changed, whirling into darkness as Gohan looked up to see his little brother glaring hatefully at him.

“You killed my dawddy! You killed my mommy! I HATE YOU!” and the child ran away from him as the teen looked down at the corpse of his mother at his feet and a knife convincingly in his hands. Dropping the knife with horror starting to become full-blown panic and terror, Gohan fell to his knees, tears not enough to express his sorrow and his screams not enough to paint his guilt and pain. The last thing he saw was ChiChi's mouth moving slightly, the words clear:

“Why did you kill me....?”

---X

“AAAAAAAAAH!” and Gohan sat up in his bed, sweat covering his whole body as he felt his ki flaring abnormally around him. In the corner, Vegeta and Piccolo were standing, merely observing him. It was at that point that the teen noticed they were being forcibly pushed back by his power and he dropped it, a sob coming to his lips. Piccolo was quickly striding across the room and had a hand on the demi-saiyan's shoulder before Gohan could stop his tears.

:Are you okay, Gohan...?: Piccolo asked through their mental link, the Prince of Saiyans standing in front of the door now as small patters of feet came to the door. Gohan paused in his crying to look worriedly at the older Saiyan, who lifted his eyebrows at him.

“Gohan?! Are you okay, brother?!” Goten's voice asked through the door before Trunks' voice broke his friend's little worried rant.

“Of course he's not alright! Didn't you hear him scream?!” Vegeta pressed his back against the door right before his son tried to open the door.

“Go away, brats... Gohan's fine now... He'll be down in a minute...” at that, both boys backed away from the door before their noise left, taking them to the kitchen.

:I'll be alright, Mr. Piccolo...: the teen finally answered as he wiped his forehead off with one hand, the other clutching at his thigh. The Namek merely grunted as he stepped away slightly to give the boy room.

“Don't go scaring the brats again, baka, or else you'll be in for more than whimpering kids...” Vegeta popped his knuckles twice to emphasize his point before walking over to the teen and leaning down to his level. Piccolo glared at the Saiyan, warning the man.

“Your power level sky rocketed and- You. WERE. ASLEEP! Now, what the hell would cause that, hmm, baka?!” Gohan reeled back slightly at the anger and-...concern...?-laced in Vegeta's voice before he blinked and tried not to bury his face into the blankets in his lap.

“A-a nightmare...that's all...” It was the truth, but it was a nightmare that the teen wouldn't be getting over any time soon.

:You're not saying it all, Gohan... If it was “just” a nightmare, you could get over it, but this one is clinging to your mind...: And Gohan tried not to clamp down on his thoughts at that but shook his head.

“Everyone was dead...bu-but that wasn't why it was so-so-” the oldest living Son gulped down tears as they came up, his heart aching fitfully in his chest, “-so disgusting and painful... I killed everyone...and Cell was there, taunting me the whole time...” Gohan could only bury his head in his hands as the tears began again.

Piccolo's hand was immediately reassuringly on his shoulder again before Vegeta humphed, arms crossing over his chest.

“You'll be alright, brat... But I think it's time you went to see your baka of a father...” the words hit Gohan harder than he thought possible, but maybe it was because it was Vegeta telling him.... ...that he needed his father.

Gohan began to shake his head from side to side in a negative manner, both of the stoic men giving him a pointed look. “I-I can't rely on him...I have to get through this myself...or else it'll just get worse...” Piccolo suddenly understood that his pupil was still feeling guilty over his father's death and the destruction he had caused the Earth.

Sighing the green man walked out of the room, leaving the Saiyans to go find the rambunctious kids, both probably destroying something in their way of having fun.

Vegeta stared until Gohan felt small, vulnerable and unimaginably scared of something... maybe the teen was scared of what the prince would say to him. ...that he wasn't strong enough to deal with his fears on his own.... or that he needed his father... in more ways than one.

Then the older male sighed, a long, suffering one as he came closer and dropped a hand on top of Gohan's black mop of a head. Their eyes clashed-one pair trying to ease the tears away while the other set tried to show some sort of emotion other than pride and indifference.

“There are times when you need to act your own age... and some times where you need someone to lean on...This, Gohan, is one of those times...Don't tell me you haven't been depressed since your stupid father left, I can see it in your eyes...” Gohan squeezed his eyes closed, whimpering when Vegeta growled deep in his throat.

Then suddenly his wrist was being grasped and Gohan struggled against Vegeta's tight grip, calling out wordlessly in fear before his arms were revealed and the older male hissed a string of curses.

“So, the depression ran even deeper than I thought...Well, that's going to stop, NOW.” And Vegeta was pressing the boy down into the bed, their black eyes clashing as Gohan started to shake.

“You're going to go downstairs, tell those mini-brats that you're fine and then go to your father. Kakarot...needs you as much as you need him!” and then the prince was gone, the door slamming shut after him.

Trembling as he tried to steady himself from the onslaught of emotions, Gohan took a deep breath and let it out slowly before getting off his bed and walking out of his room. The cuts on his arms were old and new: he had started over a year ago, a small knife that made unnoticeable scars across his inner arms. It was bliss, being able to control his pain and bleeding, and all that blood leaving his body.

Gohan only wanted to bleed out all the sin he had done, all the wrong... But it began to become more: he loved the sick feeling he got when the blood rushed over his skin, the way the color contrasted brightly against his pale skin. But the need to hurt himself became greater than he wanted it to be. The demi-Saiyan couldn't stop if he wanted to, and now...well, he wanted to fix it, because the teen had to be strong for Goten...even for Trunks, too.

Maybe...Gohan thought, eyes wide as he paused at the top of the stairs. Maybe I need to be strong for Mr. Piccolo, Bulma, Krillin, Dende, and … maybe even... Vegeta? I need to be strong for them too. I've been so selfish... Only thinking of myself... Stop being selfish, Gohan!

Shaking his head, the teen straightened, a determined glint in his eyes as he made his way to the kitchen where Trunks and Goten were eating piles of snack foods, being watched by one grumpy Saiyan and one disgusted Namekian. Grinning widely at the two chibis, Gohan swept down and gathered both in his arms, nuzzling them both as they laughed happily.

“Gohan! Are you all better, big brother?” Goten asked, eyes bright by that smile on his older brother's face. Trunks smiled against his play-brother's neck, happily snuggling closer.

“Yes, yes... I'm all better now that you two are here in my arms!” the teen giggled along with his two charges before promptly kissing their cheeks. Putting them back down after a returning kiss from both, Gohan smiled at the other two, both who looked away with varying degrees of indifference.

“Well, before we do anything else, Vegeta and Mr. Piccolo here are going to take you to the amusement park! I have to go meet up with daddy, ok?” He bent down to their level and rubbed their heads gently as both children nodded excitedly.

“Ooogh, I'll get you back for that, BRAT!” Vegeta threatened as Trunks and Goten began to run around the two “grown-ups” in circles, asking when they were leaving. Piccolo only sighed before walking out the door followed by two energetic kids bouncing behind him. The Saiyan Prince walked after them reluctantly but not before sending the teen savior a look.

Gohan let out a deep breath, letting one hand hand tangle in with his black locks before suddenly being tackled around the waist. Goten's black, watery eyes stared up at him as the child held on to him for dear life.

“Promise me you won't cry over daddy anymore, Gohan...?” And Gohan's mouth dropped open in utter bewilderment as Goten tugged at his arm, trying to make sure his brother was listening to him.

“Please, don't hurt anymore, Gohan. I hate when you cry...I hate when you bleed...” At that, little hands snuck under the long sleeves the older male was wearing and traced the scars there.

“Go-goten!” was all the older demi could mutter out as tears began to fall down those chubby cheeks. Gohan hugged his brother closer, feeling all of his will power strengthen his thoughts against cutting himself ever again. He would lose this boy, this little child who meant so, oh so much to him...

“I'm so sorry, Goten... I've been so selfish...” And the brothers cried together, both clutching on to the other as a lifeline. But a feeling was growing inside of Goten...a feeling that complicated his other feelings, mixing them up and confusing him in the future.

But for now, neither knew of this feeling manifesting in the youngest Son. And with smiles tainted with tears, Goten walked back outside to the waiting three while Gohan went back to his room to change and clean up.

The four flew away, Gohan's black eyes following them until he couldn't see the two boys talking to each other in the sky anymore. The teen now knew his brother had been more concerned about him than he really thought possible, but... it only meant that Gohan hadn't been paying attention to his little brother as much as he could, and he vowed to do more with the boy.

Thoughts scrambled, Gohan thought of his father, imagining King Kai's planet (after being restored with the dragon balls) but as he brought two fingers to his forehead, the demi-saiyan's mind suddenly drifted to the Cell Games...

...which was why he was suddenly in HFIL pinned to the ground by Frieza and Coola while Cell grinned above with a smug look on his face. Ki rings were slowly eating away and suppressing his ki as he struggled before the android spoke, magenta eyes glinting.

“Why, Gohan, how nice of you to join us...”

---X

Goku sighed heavily as he stared out at the nothingness surrounding King Kai's planet. There was a tournament going on in the Other World, but the Saiyan had declined to attend, instead training on his own and waiting for his eldest son to show up. The father was kind of worried of Gohan and his happiness.

“Did I … destroy his happiness when I made him fight Cell...? What have I done...?” Goku whispered to himself, the monkey and the cricket both watching him curiously.

-DADDY! HELP ME, DADDY!- Gohan's panicked voice penetrated his thoughts and parental instincts took over as he stood from his slump.

“GOHAN! Daddy's coming, my baby!” And with two fingers to his forehead, Goku found his son's fluctuating ki and disappeared.

---X WARNING: RAPE AHEAD X---

“DADDY! Pl-please! DADDYYYYY!” tears pouring down his face in tiny ribbons, three bouts of laughter mixed as the boy writhed on the ground, dirt suffocating him as it billowed around him.

“Ooh, don't cry, monkey! We're just going to have some fun with you!” Frieza sneered from above, laughing as Cell pulled a long, large metal pipe out from behind him, which Coola took with barely suppressed glee. Purple gi pants now shoved down his thighs, Gohan could only take in a deep breath as the tip of the metal pipe was pressed harshly against his hole.

“NO! NO NO, PLEASE PLEASE NO!!” the demi-Saiyan begged, trying to force his legs closed, but Coola was there, gripping them wider as Cell took the pipe and began to press it against him again.

“Oh, no, my dear Gohan...You need to pay...” Then two things happened: Cell breached Gohan with the large pipe, blood spilling from his entrance and Goku appeared in his golden glory, an angry glare on his face directed at Cell.

“LET GO OF MY SON!” the full-Saiyan roared, hair spiking further and lightening dashing from the sky. Gohan cried harder as the pipe was pushed in more with a bruising force as Coola stood from his position at Gohan's legs and rushed the enraged father.

“St-stop! No-not in front of d-daddy!” the teen cried out as Cell merely thrust the substituted dildo in more, twisting it with a sneer as Gohan suddenly felt pleasure arch his body off the ground. Meanwhile Goku was pounding the older changeling into the ground with over-excessive force, an unemotional mask on his face.

“Oh, you don't want your daddy to find out how much you like it...how much you like him watching you??” Cell laughed at the mortification that spread like wild fire across Gohan's face as Frieza got up to help his brother.

“Oh, so you like it when your own father watches his son get fucked by a toy...? What a kinky little bastard you are!” Now tears of guilt and disgust fell from his black eyes as he twisted against the metal rod in him, moaning as Cell held the pipe against his prostate.

“DADDY!” Gohan screamed as two craters were made a few hundred miles away from the two changelings, Goku's gold aura suddenly next to them.

“Oh, Goku! What a surprise... Why don't you watch me play with your son? He's grown so much since the last time we met...” With that, Cell threw ki rings around Goku's wrist and ankles, effectively stopping the Super Saiyan transformations. Goku dropped to the ground, groaning as he felt the exertion on his limbs.

“D-don't... Please not Gohan...” the older Saiyan mumbled. Cell grinned widely, thrusting steadily into the boy, who could only shiver as his cock hardened into fullness.

“Well, if you put it that way-why don't you take this pipe's place, eh, Goku? Why don't you pleasure both yourself and your son while I merrily watch in the background?” And the android laughed as Coola and Frieza dropped next to him, smirks on their faces.

“Pl-please, daddy, make it stop!” Gohan begged, choking as Cell suddenly wrapped a hand around his neck, making Goku growl as he tried to jump at Cell, but only made himself slip across the ground.

“If you don't answer soon, then Gohan will be staying here forever, and I do quite like his ass...” Goku nodded in defeat before the brothers took his arms and drug him over to the writhing boy and the perfect Cell.

“Now, rules: 1) Don't try to attack us, or Gohan will be the one suffering the consequences 2) You both have to come or neither of you will be going anywhere until you do and 3) Don't try to follow us after we let you go, or we'll be doing this again soon... Got it?” Gohan only nodded, too lost in the pleasure while his father glared at the evil creatures before nodding also. The android dropped the boy to the ground, where he landed on his back, aggravating the pipe still firmly in him.

“Now get on with it...” Cell murmured, grinning widely as Goku shuffled forward slightly, gritting his teeth before yanking the pipe out of his son's ass.

“AHHHHH!” Gohan screamed out, arching his back as blood fell down his thighs. Goku felt the first of tears creep down his cheeks before Cell shoved him forward again, making him land on his hands and knees over Gohan.

“Oh, Kami, gomenasai, Gohan...Gomenasai!” the full-Saiyan cried out softly before reaching into his orange gi pants and stroking himself to fullness. Gohan watched with wide eyes, mouth open before he caught sight of Cell in the background. Suddenly pissed at having what he wanted in a roundabout and fucked up way, the teen sat up and pressed his father to the ground, his ki rings on his wrist disappearing with a slight flicker of light.

“G-gohan...? What are you-?” but then Gohan gave his father a smile that made Goku forget to breathe as Frieza hissed out a laugh, Coola sharing a look with Cell, who folded his green arms across his chest with a smug smile.

“I'm going to give them a show...” is what he said aloud, but in his mind the teen projected to his father, We need to distract them enough to get these ki rings off... At the narrowed look he got in return, Gohan promptly grabbed his father's very large cock, gaining a low moan in return. Guiding the 13'', hard cock to his bleeding hole, both moaned as it squelched into place, moving slowly in as Gohan swayed down on to the dick. Once fully seated, the teen came off it before riding down on his dad's cock, arching his back into a half circle and grabbing his father's ankles. Forcing what little ki he had to cancel the ki rings, Gohan couldn't help but moan as his father bucked up into him. It was going to be hard for him not to enjoy the moment to the fullest....

Cell suddenly laughed, gesturing to the changelings as the android appeared behind Gohan and grabbed his wrists, forcing him up and down atop his father as Frieza forced Goku to stay in place, Coola pinning the full Saiyan's legs to the ground. Bobbing up and down forcefully on top of his father, Gohan panted loudly, screeching each time he was filled to the brim with that huge cock and whimpering in loss as he was pulled up. He wasn't going to be able not to come in time to take off the rest of the ki rings.

“So, I was right... You're in love with your own father-!” Cell's whispered words in his ears made the teen shiver in disgust even as he moaned in pleasure. “How disgusting can you get, faggot?” Tears sprang to Gohan's eyes as he resolutely closed them tightly shut, making his father watch him worriedly.

“Do you think about doing this with him all the time? If it weren't for us, you'd never be able to be with him like this... Aren't you just gratefully indebted to me now...?” Cell's hands clenched around Gohan's wrists, squeezing hard enough that the teen winced. The android grinned widely, catching the glare from the father who was starting to growl deep in his throat.

Laughter circled the two Sons as they were forced on to each other before Gohan got one hand free and began to jerk himself off quickly. Then his dad's hands came around and gently encircled his waist. And suddenly Goku pressed particularly hard into Gohan while the boy caught his father's wrists and focused, but only barely managed to get his father's ki rings off as he came hard between them. Arching forward and screaming out the rest of his release, Gohan clenched around his father's pulsating cock as the man looked right at Cell and gathered ki in his mouth before his own orgasm made him scream a large ki blast at the android.

“Fucking Saiyans...” was all both Saiyans heard before they couldn't feel the three evil tyrants anymore. Slouching against each other, Goku smiled ruefully up at his son on his lap and received a tired smile in return.

“Oh, Gohan... I'm so sorry this had to happen...” Goku bemoaned quietly, covering his face with his hands as he tried to hide from his son. Cocking his head to one side as his mind swiftly pushed any thoughts of regret and mental anguish to the side, Gohan promptly hugged his daddy, smiling gently at the man when he looked at him in confusion.

“I'm just glad I was with you, daddy... I'm not traumatized by this...Another part of my overly-complicated life...” Gohan grinned widely to back his statement and Goku grinned just as largely back. They carefully got up, Gohan groaning slightly as he felt all his muscles yell at him in pain.

“Well, I think we can put off training today...” Goku said with a grimace before he gently touched Gohan's shoulder and transported them to King Kai's planet.

---X

Goten pouted slightly as Trunks stuck his tongue out at him. “Shuddup, Trunks! That's not true, and you know it!”

“Oh yes it is!” the purple-haired boy exclaimed, jumping away into the sky when Goten tried to jump after him. Piccolo watched the two with a grim expression before the two screeched loudly in surprise. Gohan had appeared in between them, bursting into laughter as the two boys clutched each other in fear.

“Brother!!” Goten growled but it was off set by the large smile on his face. Trunks suddenly glomped the hysterical teen in a glomping-lunge while the youngest of them grabbed his leg and wouldn't let go.

“Oh, guys, you are so cute together~!” Gohan managed to swoon out under the crushing grip of two children. Both boys stuck their tongues out at him in reply before promptly snuggling back into him. Piccolo dropped down from his place in the tree to pat his young pupil on the head before Gohan grabbed him around the waist, and all four of them went down.

“Will you guys quit the racket? I'm trying to eat in here!” Vegeta suddenly appeared from the Son house, a chicken leg in one hand and a loaf of bread sticking out the side of his mouth.

“Dadddd! You're eating without us!” Trunks moaned as he suddenly detached himself from Gohan and stole some bread from his father. Gohan stood up finally, making the Namekian sigh in relief as Goten shimmied up his brother to rest on the teen's shoulders.

“Hey, that was ours!” Goten pouted, clutching his brother's head and taking the teen's long hair into two fists and jerking on them like reins.

“You Saiyans are disgusting...” Piccolo said with a disgusted shiver, looking away as Vegeta shoved the chicken leg in his mouth.

“Well, as least we aren't asexual!”

“I'M NOT ASEXUAL!”

Giggling as he walked past the arguing adults, Gohan grinned widely even as his body twitched in tiredness. Yes, normal life was interesting and Gohan just had to learn to breathe and maybe... he could make it through...

Looking up at the sky one last time, Gohan grinned as his little brother giggled atop his shoulders, Vegeta and Piccolo having a staring contest as Trunks gobbled down his father's food. Yes, he just had to breathe and everything would be fine.

----X

Thanks everyone for the reviews! Sorry that this is so late XD It's been done since the last chapter got out, but I wanted to post this with Marked. Since that chapter is almost done, I decided to post this earlier. Review please!