The Consequences of a Lack of Foresight

Ed seemed to want to sleep as much Mustang; he was still asleep when Mustang woke up. It was early, but Ed had been asleep for a long time. But he was breathing. Already dressed in full uniform, Mustang leaned over Ed.

“Edward?” Ed didn’t move. He caressed the skin beside Ed’s eye and said his name again. Ed flinched away from touch. Mustang decided to let him sleep.

-----

Hawkeye mercifully did not mention that Mustang was nearly a half hour late. Whether she figured getting shot gave him some leeway or because she thought it was Ed’s fault, he was thankful.

The expression on his face—only a slight difference only his staff would pick up—kept his staff from expressing their relief at having him back.

Hawkeye brought his coffee and she shut the door behind her.

“He’s too young. Thirteen years.”

“Good morning, general.” Mustang nearly rolled his eyes. “You talked to him?”

“No. But I realized just how young he is. I hadn’t done the calculation before.”

“I think I need the day off.”

Mustang looked up at her at first in shock. Then he understood. “You want a week?”

“I think just need a day.”

“Approved.”

Hawkeye left and Mustang sincerely thought his problems would be solved. Maybe once Ed was gone he would reconsider that date with her.

-----

Ed held a piece of toast in his mouth as he looked through the window to see you had rung the doorbell; not being his house, he didn’t want to answer. But at seeing Hawkeye, he opened the door.

“Did Mustang not make it in?”

“He did.” She entered the house without waiting for an invitation.

“He forget something?”

“Most definitely.” She turned to stare right at him.

Uncomfortable under her stare, “What?”

“Tell me the truth, Ed, do you love him?”

Ed wasn’t ready for such a blunt question. “I . . . I . . . d—yes,” he finally admitted.

“How do you feel about the age difference? He’s thirteen years older than you.”

“That doesn’t matter to me.”

“You realize that when you’re thirty-five, he’ll by nearly fifty?”

“I guess I never thought about that. I don’t think I care. I feel safe with him, I feel needed, I feel . . .” He felt free to talk to her, mostly because she was a woman, but also because he trusted her as much as Mustang did. “I feel empty and completely alone when he’s not around. I hate menial work, but I’ll do it for him. I want to make him happy. I love seeing that smirk, even when it’s at my expense. I dream of that smile and I can’t think when I smell him. It’s not even about sex really. I could live without that, but I can’t live without him. Or at least I wouldn’t be happy without him.” Suddenly suspicious, “Did he send you here to ask me that?”

“No. I think he was hoping I’d tell you not to be in love with him.”

“What? I thought . . . I thought . . . he never said anything, but I—”

“That’s the problem; he’s very much in love with you too.”

“Then why?”

“He’s afraid he’s too old for you. He’s also afraid of what a relationship with you would mean to his position. That’s tearing him apart. He wants you, but he doesn’t want to let anyone down. I assured him we would keep his back, but it seems it’s your age that what worries him the most.”

“But he’s in love with me?”

“Oh, yes. But Ed, are you certain you really love him and it’s not your situation that’s making you think you love him?”

“Is it? Tell you the truth, I hope it is. I should go back to Resembool and marry Winrey.”

“The age doesn’t bother you?”

“It’s not like I’ll out live him by much.”

“What do you mean?”

“Part of the price I paid to survive through all that four years ago.”

“Does he know? Does your brother know?”

“I never told Al. He doesn’t need to know yet. There was never a good time. ‘Hey, Al, but the way, I cut a dozen or so years off my life.’ I’ll tell Roy though. Might make him feel better about all this.”

“It might. Well, I have the rest of the day off, let’s go out and I’ll buy you lunch.”

-----

When it came time to leave, Mustang found himself hesitating. He wondered what he was going home to. Hawkeye never called, he didn’t know what she said to Ed or how he took it. He was going to miss him. Work and some of his infamous womanizing might help him get over it; it wasn’t like they’d even kissed.

But now Mustang was thinking about what it might be like to kiss the shorter blond. He was probably an aggressive kisser. Mustang remembered from when he held him in his arms how he smelt of metal and the smoke and upholstery of the train he rode in on that day. Ed was often riding trains from one assignment to another for Mustang four years ago. He never could ride a train without thinking of the blond, but before it was just a wistful thought, now he feared he might never be able to ride a train again without feeling like he did now.

He resigned himself to it.

It disturbed Mustang that he was getting used to coming home to an unlocked door, lights on, and the smell of dinner cooking. Because of Ed, the dining room table was clear with no overdue work on it and the books put back—temporarily at least—on their shelves. In their place was a pair of place settings.

Mustang hung his coat and made for his office where he ditched a small pile of work that accumulated without Hawkeye. He wanted to avoid Ed for a little while longer, but he finally decided he had to look in the kitchen and at least say ‘hello.’

Ed saw him immediately. “Oh, you’re home. Dinner will be out in a minute.” And he turned back to his work. Mustang smirked and cleaned up. Mustang had noticed the disapproving look Ed gave his slicked back hair, so he stuck his head under the showerhead to wash the gel out. Honestly, he wouldn’t do it except he looked a little careless and immature with his bangs hanging in his face. He had also noticed a slight dip in his social life as well. He came to the conclusion that his hair slicked back was just plain unattractive, at least on him. Once Ed left, he’d be sure to wash out the gel before he went ‘on the prowl.’

Dinner was laid out and he liked the appreciative look on Ed’s face when he saw his hair.

The dinner conversation was banal. And Ed kept stealing glances at the clock.

Finally, he explained why. “Desert should be ready.”

“What?”

“Riza decided to instruct me in making a desert.”

Riza!

Ed was gone for a few minutes then came back with a hot chocolate walnut brownie alamode doused in chocolate syrup, topped off with whip cream and clumsily shaved chocolate as garnish.

“She said this was your favorite and wrote out a recipe.”

“It is.” Mustang took a bite, making sure to get a little of each element in one spoonful. It was perfect.

Ed found himself holding his breath at the bliss on Mustang’s face. He recovered before Mustang opened his eyes again.

“Perfect. Hughes brought Gracia to East City with him once and I took them and Hawkeye out to dinner. I commented on how this was my favorite desert; she must have remembered.”

“I don’t think she forgets much of anything.”

“Nothing she deems important.” He continued to savor the desert. “So she came over.”

“Yeah. We talked, went out to lunch, went shopping,” he gestured to the desert. “She wasn’t sure at first that I could make something like this from scratch, but I said ‘If I can read and pick up alchemy at four, then I can make a recipe.’”

“I will never doubt your skills again.”

“No one has confidence in me,” he complained good naturedly. He sobered. “You know, she was there when I broke down after seeing you injured. She tried to make me feel better, but she ended up saying pretty much the same thing as you. And I think I’m going to stay. Whatever position, I’m staying in Central.”

Mustang felt his heart leap and his brain race, conflicting each other. Mustang had been setting himself up to let Ed go, but he wanted Ed, wanted him. He was disappointed and excited at the same time.

“Did Hawkeye call you before you left?”

“No, I haven’t heard from her since this morning.”

“Oh.” He wondered why he was hesitant to say anything when he knew Mustang felt for him too. Maybe because Mustang was pussyfooting around the subject too. He decided to just come out and say it.

“You know, the age difference means nothing to me,” he said hurriedly. He wasn’t entirely sure that was what he wanted to say.

The sudden declaration surprised Mustang. But he leaned back and smiled. “You’re only nineteen.”

“And you’ve been around the block so many times it’s not funny.”

“I think it still is.”

“I guess it is,” Ed said with a sincere smile. “It was always amusing to see the way Havoc was either jealous or nearly in tears that you stole another woman from him.”

“I never stole a woman from him. I just got to them first.”

“He knew you’d move on, did he think you ruined them for any other man?”

“Of course,” Mustang said, preening. “Or else he didn’t like the idea of jumping at my left-overs. Really I either went into a relationship hoping she’d be the one I’d marry or it was all just flirtation and fun, and I don’t just mean in the bedroom. I’m not so callous as to date a different woman a week just for sport.”

“Well, either you have the highest standards, unlucky, too many choices, just plan picky, or you don’t know what you want.”

“Maybe all of the above.”

“Well, you must have figured out what you want by now. You’ve dated just about every available woman in at least two cities.”

“Maybe I have,” Mustang said, almost sighing.

“You should just marry Hawkeye.”

Mustang was a little shocked at the amount of seriousness in Ed’s voice. “Did she ask you make that suggestion today?”

“No, she suggested I move in with you.”

There, it was out in the open, but could still, if a little awkwardly, be retracted as a joke.

“Did she.” It wasn’t a question.

“If my age is the only thing bothering you, you should know: I may be young, but I’m not going to live longer than you. Remember when I mentioned falling down that mineshaft and losing a few years off my life? I didn’t mean it figuratively. I was impaled and I was dying. I used my own life as a philosopher’s stone and heal the wound as much as I could. I know I took more than a decade off my life, though I can’t be sure how much. In terms of life expectancy, we’re at about the same age. I don’t know if I’ll start aging early or if I’ll just drop dead earlier, but I won’t outlive you.”

Mustang sat there shocked, and a little horrified. Ed had put a hand to the scar as he spoke. It was on his left side. Mustang realized it was nigh the same spot he was impaled by Lust. Thinking that he was impaled by ‘Lust’ brought a smile back to his face and broke through everything else. He might as well have been impaled by Lust in a figurative sense. Not only were they both impaled through the same spot, but they both used their alchemy talents to save themselves. It all seemed fitting.

“I was impaled by Lust in the same spot.”

Ed seemed to see the same humor in it as Mustang did.

They lingered for some time and it was time for Mustang to get some sleep. He was working with too little blood and only just enough sleep. They left the table, both feeling a bit lighter in spirit.

“Thank you, everything was delicious, especially the desert. I’ll see you tomorrow. I will call that meeting to get you that position I promised a few days ago.”

“Alright.”

“Goodnight.” Mustang surprised Ed by leaning down and kissing him on the lips. It was intimate, but closed mouthed. And all too soon, it was over. And Mustang was gone, leaving the younger man in a daze.

Mustang slept well that night.

-----

Ed slept longer than Mustang again. He spent the rest of the day making sure in his own head that this was what he wanted. Mustang could have insisted last night. Actually, all the man would’ve had to do was suggest delicately, and Ed would have given him anything he wanted. But Mustang was giving him time; time he most desperately needed. He tried to peel his feelings of isolation, worthlessness, inadequateness, depression, hopelessness, and vulnerability away and see if he really did love Mustang. He liked him, enjoyed his company, found him attractive, valued him, and wanted to make him happy, but did he really love him. All he had to do was remember the sound of his name on Mustang’s lips, the headiness of the smell of the man’s skin, and that kiss last night to drive his doubts away. Then for the first time, he wasn’t just thinking about what it would be like to kiss the dark haired man, he was wondering what the sex would be like.