In Your Dreams

Title: In Your Dreams
Pairings: Vegeta x Goku
Author: me


A/N - I wish I could have made this longer, but my dad and I were whacking each other with newspapers this morning and I ended up getting hit right in my eye. My vision in that eye is now blurred, there's extreme pain, and it's watering non-stop, so staring at a computer screen isn't really helping matter ^.^' This was as much as I could stand to write at the moment. Not my best, but hey, I'm distracted :P

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Chapter 47

ChiChi hummed quietly as she busied herself with the daily chores. It was mid-day now and she’d already done the laundry, dusted, cleaned the dishes, and mopped the floors. The house was nearly spotless. Now all that was left was to prepare lunch for herself and Victor.

Just as she was turning toward the kitchen though, the doorbell rang. The high-pitched chiming surprised her; she hadn’t been expecting company and they rarely got visitors considering they lived so far away from the city.

ChiChi set down the rag she’d been cleaning with and quickly walked to the door. The woman was caught off guard when she found Goku standing on her doorstep. The Saiyajin looked flustered and his cheeks were red as if he’d just finished with an intense workout. Black eyes refused to meet her own, and she noted that the man almost seemed torn about whether or not he should even be there.

“Goku? Are you ok?”

Finally he looked up at her, though his furrowed brow made it clear that he wasn’t ok.

“ChiChi... I think I’m going crazy.”

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ChiChi had quickly ushered her ex into the house after his statement, and she’d made him sit down at the kitchen table before retrieving a couple cups of tea that had already been boiling on the stovetop. The woman sat one of the cups in front of Goku and sat down across the table with the other one in front of herself. She noted the Saiyajin made no move to drink the offered beverage.

“Tell me what’s going on.”

Goku fidgeted for a moment and nervously tapped his finger on the polished wood that made up the table’s surface. His eyes focused on a random spot, and it was several moments before he finally looked up at her.

“How much do you know about my time away?”

ChiChi tilted her head to one side as she thought about the question. As far as she knew Goku had left with the dragon and had returned a few months ago after agreeing to transfer all his energy to the mystical beast. That’s what she’d been told, anyway. Still, the story had never really sat well with her, and she’d always felt there was something more to it.

“I know what Bulma told me when I first discovered you at Capsule Corp.”

For some reason her answer only seemed to make Goku fidget even more. The Saiyajin finally took a long drink from his tea before inhaling deeply through his nose. His eyes rose to meet her own.

“That’s not really what happened.”

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For what seemed like hours ChiChi sat in silence as Goku retold the events of his capture. A flood of emotions churned inside her, ranging from extreme grief to intense anger. Her eyes watered and tears trickled down her cheeks, but at the same time, her jaw was tense and her teeth ground together as she struggled to control herself. She wanted to yell and scream. She wanted to sob, to punch something, to tune everything out and forget what she’d just heard.

But she couldn’t seem to do anything at all.

In fact, ChiChi hadn’t even realized that Goku had stopped talking. Several minutes of silence had ticked by before the woman even noticed, and when she finally focused her clouded vision on the man who sat across from her, her throat constricted at the misery she saw eminating from him.

ChiChi immediately pushed her chair back and rounded the table, gently placing her hands on the shaking man’s shoulders. When no objections were made about her touch, she bent closer and wrapped her arms around him and buried her face into his hair.

“I’m so sorry, Goku. I wish you had told me sooner... I might have been able to help you...”

The Saiyajin only shook his head. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me now. I have nightmares all the time. I can’t stand the thought of being near a doctor and I get so angry when someone tries to get me to see one. I know it’s stupid, but I can’t help it! I’ve even begun to notice myself avoiding Vegeta. And worse of all, I don’t think I even want this child!”

ChiChi lifted her head from the other’s hair when he turned in her arms and looked up at her. His eyes were full of unshed tears and he looked almost panicked.

“When I think about it all I feel is resentment. I keep trying to convince myself it isn’t even there, you know? How can I feel so... so cold toward my own child?! I’m a monster!”

“No, Goku, you’re not... I’m not sure what’s going on, but I’m sure there’s a logical explanation.”

“There is.”

Goku and ChiChi both fell silent as they turned toward the source of the voice. Victor stood in the doorway with his hands in his pockets.

“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I heard what you were saying Goku...I think I know what’s happened here.”

It was obvious based on the flash of anger that crossed his face that Goku wasn’t happy about Victor’s intrusion, but his curiosity and desperation to find out what was wrong with him won out.

“What?”

Victor nodded and moved over to the table, where he sat down beside the Saiyajin. “I believe you’re suffering from PTSD; otherwise known as post-traumatic stress disorder. You’re displaying all the classic signs. When someone suffers a traumatic even like you did the experience can actually alter your brain chemistry. It can sometimes take years for the condition to present itself, or something usually triggers it. In your case, I believe your pregnancy was the trigger.”

Goku was silent for a moment before he looked up at ChiChi, who was still standing behind him with her hands on his shoulders. The woman smiled down at him.

“I don’t suppose I ever mentioned this, but Victor is a psychiatrist.”

Victor chuckled at the surprised look the Saiyajin threw his way. “That’s right. I specialize in trauma victims such as yourself. I deal with everyone from rape victims to plane crash survivors.”

Goku still appeared to be skeptical. “How can you be so sure?”

The older man sat back in his chair. “Well, how long ago did you begin to experience these nightmares?”

“I had them for awhile after I was back at Capsule Corp, but after I started spending more time with Vegeta they went away. It didn’t start again until recently when I found out I was pregnant...”

Victor nodded. “And do you find yourself feeling nervous throughout the day? Jumpy? Maybe irritable and angry towards people for no reason?”

Goku slowly nodded as he thought back to the events of that morning. He’d been very irritable towards Pan and even got angry when she touched his stomach. He was definitely nervous and jumpy too, especially when he was in Bulma’s lab.

Victor continued. “Do you avoid talking about what happened, Goku? Do you find yourself getting defensive when someone tries to bring it up?”

“Yeah...” Goku whispered. A sudden wave of guilt washed over him as he thought about how many people he’d snapped at whenever they’d tried to bring up anything that had to do with Villa or his pregnancy. They’d only been trying to help, but he still found himself becoming angry and defensive with them.

The brown-haired man drew in a deep breath. “And last, do you find yourself becoming emotionally numb toward the people you once felt affection toward? Vegeta, for example. How is your relationship with him?”

That seemed to break whatever barrier Goku had set up, because suddenly tears were running unchecked down his cheeks. The Saiyajin reached up and tried to wipe them away, but more only fell to replace them.

“I haven’t felt anything besides anger lately. Whenever I look at Vegeta I feel nothing. Nothing!”

ChiChi crooned lightly as she rubbed Goku’s shoulders in an attempt to soothe him. Her efforts appeared to be in vain, however, because the other only seemed to become more upset.

Victor was silent for a moment as he waited for the other man to bring himself under control. It was a lot to absorb, after all.

Several moments ticked by before the Saiyajin spoke again.

“How do I fix this?”

“Well, there isn’t really a cure, but there are ways to help you manage your symptoms. I’d like you to have regular visits with me so we can talk about it. That will help. There’s also something called exposure therapy, in which you confront your fears head-on.”

Goku frowned at that. “What’s that mean?”

“It means you’d have to face a doctor, trust people to examine you without hurting you. Let Bulma’s friend be involved with the delivery of your baby and trust that he nor any of your friends and family wish to harm you.”

The Saiyajin snorted. “You say that like it’s so easy! If I could control the panic I feel whenever someone even mentions a doctor then I wouldn’t have a problem, would I?”

Victor was silent for a moment and a stern expression settled itself on his face. “Goku, I’m a doctor.”

The color visibly drained from Goku’s face and his eyes widened as he stared at the other man. ChiChi’s fingers tightened on his shoulders when she felt his entire body tense up. Even his breathing became more shallow and labored.

“Stay calm...” Victor said quietly. It didn’t go unnoticed that it appeared the other man would bolt at any moment, and he didn’t want to undo the progress he’d already begun to make.

“Use your logic, Goku. Did I give you any reason to fear me before you knew I was a doctor? I’m the same person as before; I merely have an extra title in my name. All I wish to do is help you, just like I do for the hundreds of patients I see every year.”

It took several minutes, but the intense fear and suspicion that had filled Goku’s eyes began to slowly fade, and eventually the Saiyajin’s lids slid closed. He took many deep breaths in an effort to calm himself, and ChiChi smiled when she felt the shoulders beneath her hands begin to relax.

Goku reached up and wiped away the sweat that had beaded up on his forehead before opening his eyes again. He was still looking at Victor the same way a rabbit would a hungry wolf, but the extreme panic and anxiety was all but gone.

“Excellent!” Victor smiled and reached forward to shake Goku’s hand, but the Saiyajin threw himself backwards.

“Don’t touch me!”

ChiChi and Victor both watched as both Goku and his chair fell to the floor with a loud ‘thud’, and they sighed and looked at each other with weary eyes.

“This may be a long process.”

TBC