She'll Be Whatever She Wants to Be

WHICH STORY WILL IT BE!


On a couple of my last updates I was a little heartbroken when I received only a few reviews. Yeah, I know I'm spoiled with the reviews, but I've come to expect a certain amount with each update. So I'm not sure what happened here. Maybe people just didn't know about the updates. Since I'm not too sure about what story everyone out there wants me to update the most, I've decided to have everyone vote in a review, for any of my stories, on which story you'd like to have updated to most. Yes, I know I've had a poll held before on which was everyone's favorite story, but that was years ago. Plus there have been new stories started since then and a couple completed, so it's time to hear from all of you on what story you want finished the fastest. Well, there you go; vote and have you're favorite story updated the most! Don't and, well no one will know what you want. I'll be posting this little poll in each update I post until I have enough information to figure out what's going on in the minds of the readers. Good luck!


Note: Thank you everyone for all the wonderful reviews! Even you flamers out there! The way I look at it, every good writer has fans and critics. I consider the flamers to be my critics, because that's exactly what they are. If I have both then I must be getting pretty popular with this story huh? Anyhow, I'm tired of people asking me this one question; do I cut myself? Hell no! I don't need to, I'm happy. I think some people tend to forget that this is FICTION. I have not incorporated any of my personal business into this story thus far. Flames don't usually bother me, but one thing said by a flamer whose name is Chloe did. Before you go off on someone and say all this bullshit why not put yourself in someone's shoes? There are people out there that actually cut themselves and it's not something to make light of. These people do it for their own personal reasons and I don't see it as "pathetic". I see it as sad, because I don't like to see anyone suffer. I believe you also mentioned how someone (she said this to me, but since I'm not a cutter I'll relate to cutters in general) who is a cutter should stop "bitching" and "moaning" and make their lives better? I find that to be, in the words of Carlos Mencia, a "dee dee dee" statement. Cutters usually don't want anyone to know about their cutting habit, so I very much doubt that they would be bitching and moaning about anything. If anything they want to hide this and any bitching and moaning might raise suspicions. You may want to acquaint yourself with a little something called empathy. Or maybe you have a problem of your own and you're just lashing out at anyone you can. Well I won't let you say things about people who actually take sharp objects, put it to their skin, slice through that skin and watch their own blood come out from it. So don't get it twisted. I won't be answering this question again either, so remember the result of this question. To the normal readers I apologize about my outburst. It just angered me when this flamer made it seem like cutting wasn't a big deal. It's dangerous and I don't condone anyone doing it. Since I love reading angst, it's my very favorite genre to write about. Just remember that it's all fiction unless I note otherwise. Thank you for your time everyone. Now on to the next chapter.


She'll Be Whatever She Wants to Be


By: Angelwarrior1


Chapter 4: Red Crystal


Last Time:


Now she was flying back to meet her fate. She knew her father would be infuriated at her late arrival. She was way later than usual. She looked at her watch and saw that it was now 12 am. The shooting had taken 4 hours give or take. She was surprised she wasn't getting in at 2 am. Then she'd really be dead. Literally most probably. She landed at the front door. She took a deep breath and turned the knob. Then she released the deep breath and walked right into hell.


Now:


A blue haired beauty went and plopped down on a couch. She flipped on the television to see what was on and began flipping through the channels when she found nothing that pleased her. She flipped once more before quickly flipping back to see something. Something...odd. Wrong. Totally from another dimension! Her blue eyes widened to saucers as she stared at the dark scene before her. And then she screamed.


44444444444444444444444444444444444444444444


A body drug itself up the many stairs. It didn't seem like a hard climb usually, but this wasn't a usual scenario. This was a scene from something very wrong. From a nightmarish tale this person wished on no other. No one was there to clean the wounds. And no one was there to scold this person. This person was now alone. Really alone. Everyone that once occupied the house was now gone. Having left that night in fits of rage and fear. This person truly feared for the two that had left. Both in danger of losing themselves. Of losing what this person knew was important to both. Each other. They would loose one another if this person didn't try to help.

Pan drug herself up the stairs as fast as she dared. Her father had really left his mental realm now. He was insane with rage when she walked in. No sooner had she walked in was she thrown to the wall with a fury she'd never seen before. She was actually frightened for her life at those moments. So terrible were those moments. Her poor mother was scared as well, even more so than usual. She even sported bruises and cuts of her own, which Pan had never seen before. Her father needed help. His power, his aura, was turning darker and darker. No else seemed to notice though, because Gohan kept to his life in secrecy. None of the Z Warriors saw him anymore. Not even Piccolo. Had they seen him, they may have noticed that something had gone terribly wrong for the demi- saiyan. His innocent like manner no longer existed. His mind that once contained only one dark corner now filled his entire mind.
Finally making it into her room, Pan grabbed the arm of her computer chair and pulled herself to her feet. She stumbled to the dresser across the room and dug through her top drawer for what she sought. Then she found it. Her private stash of senzu beans. She popped one into her mouth and ate it in haste. She sighed in relief when she felt all the serious injuries heal. Pan straightened her once sagging posture and turned her head toward the window. As if looking for something, she found what she was looking for. Her father's energy. Now that he was outside, the others would be sure to sense it. His dark power. Long ago, her father decided to create something that would cover the ki in their home. That way if one of their many enemies came looking for his family they wouldn't find them by sensing ki.

It had been a good idea at the time, but now...They needed more protection from what was inside the house rather than outside. She hopped out of her window and made her way to the dark presence of someone she once knew, but didn't now. Someone she was actually scared of. Someone she shouldn't have to be scared of.


444444444444444444444444444444444444


"What are you screaming about Bra!" Trunks hollered at his sister who was hopping in her seat.

She was messing with the DVD recorder, having just recorded something that apparently excited her.

"Oh my gosh! You won't believe what I just saw!" She continued.

"What you saw a sale on Prada bags?" He jested.

"Nooo...You'll never guess." She smiled a cheeky smile at her older brother.

"What's going on." The older blue haired beauty of the house walked into the living room and stopped behind the sofa.

"Bra's going ballistic over something she saw on tv. She refuses to tell me though." Trunks leaned against the wall behind his mother.

"Oh really?" Bulma quirked her eyebrow at this.
Bra just went on giggling about her secret.

"What's she giggling about?" A gruff voice asked.

Bulma turned to look at Vegeta, who had come to investigate why his family was now gathered in the living room. He looked at his princess who was enjoying her little secret.

"Bra saw something on television and she won't tell anyone what is was." Bulma explained as Vegeta went to sit next to his daughter.

"Bra, what did you see?" Vegeta now tried.

"I'll be glad to reveal what it is I saw now that you're here daddy." Bra smiled once more.

"Suck up." Trunks muttered.

Everyone moved in to see what it was that got Bra so excited. Bra pressed the play button on the remote and all was silent as the screen cut to a commercial already in progress. They saw a woman turning away from the camera. It was too late to see her face as she ran down a dark hall away from something. The raven beauty ran from this invisible threat chasing her.
Bra giggled quietly as she waited for the next scene to come that she had already seen. The dark haired woman turned her head to look back at what was chasing her and everyone except Bra gasped.

"Pan..." Bulma said softly in awe.

Pan was so ethereal in the commercial as she ran from a dark cloud chasing her. She finally grabbed what appeared to be a bottle of perfume and ducked in another hall. The dark cloud gave chase and Pan reached the end of the hall. She chose to jump through the open window, a close up of her face coming on the screen. She mouthed a few words into the camera and the shot zoomed out to her flying down into the night air. Pan's voice came through the speakers in an echo.

"Flight. Your escape from darkness." Her voice whispered.
The commercial ended. Bra jumped up and squealed again in joy.

"Wasn't it just gorgeous?!"

Trunks was about to respond when he felt something horrible. A dark power. A very high dark power. Coming from...

"Dad. Do you feel that?" Trunks looked seriously at his father.

Vegeta nodded his head at Trunks, giving the same serious look.

"It's Kakarot's brat."

"Gohan? But how?" Trunks knitted his eyebrows together.

"He has changed. We must help him before he cannot be helped."

Trunks thought on this. Gohan was slowly turning evil? But why? And what did that mean for Videl and most importantly...for Pan. His eyes widened in realization to how serious the situation was.

"Pan..."


4444444444444444444444444


Pan walked out onto the field and the smell of fear hit her nose. She was sure her fear was evident as well but she couldn't make it out amongst her mother's and her own that mingled together. She saw her mother running from an angry Gohan. He was seemingly struggling to keep himself from changing. From transforming into the ultimate monster from his nightmares. Despite how he hurt his family members he did regret every single moment. Especially those moments when he hurt his only child. He had hurt his little Pan. He never wanted to, but he didn't know how to stop himself. He couldn't. The demon that was once one had multiplied into many and now plagued his mind. He was about to loose entirely as well. Pan began to run as fast as she dared, for she still feared whatever beast it was that lingered inside of her father.

Gohan could sense his daughter coming near. He wanted to yell at both Pan and Videl to leave, before he did something he would regret so much. Something that could drive him to insanity. If the beast in his head told him to kill either one he didn't think he would be able to refuse its request. It would win. He would lose. Lose his perfect women. The two who now looked so alike, being mother and daughter. His Pan looked just as his Videl did at Pan's age. Videl represented what Pan would look like in the future. He didn't wanted to rip the past and future apart from each other or from him.
And yet as Pan ran to her mother and hugged her to herself, he was already being told to kill them. Kill Pan, his mind commanded. He tried to reason with his insane counterpart, but it would hear no arguments.

'Kill the girl, before she rises up against us. Against you. She's a rebel. We have no use for her in our midst.' His power hungry half claimed.

'No! I will not kill my only child. I love her!' He argued back as he struggled to keep his hand from rising at his daughter.

'You must! YOU MUST!'

"ARGHHH!" Gohan growled as he tried to force his hand back down.

It glowed with the energy it was already beginning to gather. It wanted his little Pan dead. He would NOT let that happen.

"STOP!!" An angered Gohan yelled out.

He howled out in pain as his other half began to invade what little remaining sanity he had left. He didn't want to lose himself completely. He couldn't imagine a world without his Pan or Videl in it. He fell to his knees as he clutched his head in his hands. Pan knew she should take her mother and make a run for it, but her mother refused to leave her Gohan. Videl broke loose of Pan's hold and made her way toward Gohan.

"Mom don't!" Pan went after Videl.

Gohan snapped his head up at the broken moment of his inner struggle. He had lost. His eyes were white, his hair along with it. He was no longer Gohan, but the monster. Videl stopped at this new form and fear crept in at how her husband was looking at Pan. Like he couldn't stand her. Like he hated her. He zoomed past Videl like lightening and struck Pan as hard as he could. Pan flew far away and was stopped by a tree, splitting it in half. Knocking her senses from her mind, Pan had to take a moment to comprehend the situation. When she did it was far too late. Gohan smashed his powerful fist into her stomach, causing blood to gush forth from her mouth. She tried to recover, but he was just too fast for her. Videl knew she had to do something if she wanted to save their only daughter, so she picked up a nearby rock and threw it at Gohan. Gohan stopped once he felt the rock hit his turned back. He snarled and looked over at the gulping Videl, who decided to lead him into the woods away from their Pan. Pan wanted to shout at her mother to stop, but couldn't when she began coughing up more blood.

Now Videl was running from the man she loved. She zig zagged through the forest and tried hard to be quiet as she ran. Gohan zipped along the forest and caught her very easily. He grabbed her by the neck and held her up in the air. Videl didn't struggle against his grip, even though she was suffocating. Instead she raised her hand and touched his cheek. Gohan growled at this contact and tightened his grip.
"Oh Gohan...What's..happened to...you...my loveee" She choked out as she felt darkness over coming her.

This seemed to strike a chord through the monster's head and heart, as Gohan managed to find his way out of the darkness for a moment.

"Vi- del?" He gasped as if only seeing her for the first time.

Pan finally caught up as her father lowered Videl to the ground and hugged her tightly to him.

"I'm so sorry Videl. I don't know how to stop it." He cried out as he clung to the woman he had claimed as his only long ago.

"Gohan...you need to get some help my love. I can't stand to see you suffer this way." She stroked his hair and soothed into his ear these words.

This seemed to anger the monster inside of him however, as he immediately powered up. The blow of his power threw Videl back as she hit a tree herself. It wasn't enough to knock her unconscious and she gasped as she looked at the enraged monster who had once again taken over her husband. She noticed Pan out of the corner of her eye and prayed the head strong woman wouldn't try any heroics.

Pan didn't dare cause a sound and stood stark still as she watched in horror. Her father had changed once more. His was like a ticking time bomb just begging to go off. If she had been paying attention she would have noticed the approach of the others, but as it was, she was too frightened to notice anything. Her father really had her scared this time. If he could raise his hand against Videl, who knew what he could do to her. Someone he had beaten before. Numerous times. Her mind flashed back to all the times when she had been down on to that living room floor. When she didn't know how bad it would be. When she didn't know if she could get up. And something remarkable happened. She emerged. The tightly bound cocoon that was placed on her opened and out came the beauty. She was a super saiyan. Something was different about this transformation though. Her hair never turned gold, it turned red. As did her eyes, such was her anger. Not at her father though, never at her father. It was at that thing that was inside of him. The monster that she saw in his eyes every time he dared to hit her. It was brief but she saw it in him. She recognized it. It knew that. That's why it hated her. For she knew of his existence before anyone else and it felt threatened by her. The power that surged forth was unlike any transformation in saiyan history. There was nothing in history about a red haired saiyan, especially a red haired female saiyan.
As the power consumed her body, Videl ran from the forest to avoid getting hit by the numerous amounts of debris that swirled about. There were no trees rooted into the ground at this point, as Pan's energy soared even higher than that of a super saiyan. All the anger she kept bottled up inside since that day. The day her grandfather died. And her nightmare began. The first day her father hit her. The first time he outright beat her. The first time her mother cried for her. The first time she scolded her for instigating her father into beating her. All this and so much more had lent to the ever growing anger that was now releasing itself. All at once it emptied from her mind and body, leaving her numb. As her power went beyond that of super saiyan two, Trunks and Vegeta landed. They were followed by the others, who looked on in awe at the small woman who screamed in rage. Her red hair flew around her face as tears of anger and hurt flowed down her face. All the pain and anger had released itself. Now, strangely enough, the transformation had left her feeling cleansed. As her power hit that of super saiyan three, it finally died down. She floated there with her eyes closed for a moment. She then opened them as she looked at her father, who looked more furious than she ever seen him. No. Not her father she corrected herself. Her monster. The one that had tormented her all this time. She would have her revenge and make sure her father got the help he needed to make sure it never came back. She floated up to him, their eyes never breaking contact.

"So, you have emerged." It spoke in a booming voice.

"Pisses you off I'm sure." She drawled, her voice now having a slight echo in it.

"I was hoping I could keep you from transforming. You always did have to complicate things."
It hissed back.

"Well so sad to disappoint, but I'm not going to stand by and let you hurt my family. Especially MY father." Her eyes narrowed dangerously.

It snarled and vanished, appearing behind her. She easily caught it and surprised him by kicking him in the stomach. She never let up. She kept pounding her fists into him at an alarming rate. The hurt that had left before with her transformation had come back. She was downright angry now and didn't bother showing mercy. The monster never had a chance with Pan's new form and quickly was beaten into submission himself.

"You... would kill ...your own... father?" It croaked out.

"Never. You are not my father though now are you? MY father would never hurt me the way you did." She stated coldly as she kicked him in the head one last time before he fell onto the ground, having lost his conscious state.

Pan then flew to her mother, who was on her knees. She hugged her and was about to help her stand when she saw something out of the corner of her eye. It looked like- No, it couldn't be. She had to be sure. So, she stood and ran off.

"Pan!" Videl yelled out.
Pan took to the sky as she tracked the figure. It had to be him, it just had to be.

"Grandpa!" She yelled out as she flew.

She stopped at the edge of the waterfall that she had come upon. There he stood in his ghostly form. Halo still intact. He wasn't wearing his usual smile though. In fact he gave her a sad look.

"Grandpa?" She asked.

He didn't respond, just turned to looked out at the horizon. After several moments went by he spoke.

"I'm sorry Pan."

"What for?" She asked softly.

"If I hadn't died I would still be here with you and none of this would have happened to you. You wouldn't have to endure so much pain. And you wouldn't carry so much anger with you."

"I could never be angry with you grandpa. It wasn't your fault that you died. I never blamed you for that. I just wish you were here with me. Then maybe-" She choked as she found her usual stoic expression shatter.

She sobbed out true pain as she tried to push it all back in. It only made the hurt flow out even more though. She forgot about her grandfather for a moment and turned away. She let her hands fall from her face and looked up into the sky. She say two black birds flying over head and felt the tears that had gather into her eyes drift down her face slowly. How she wished she could be as free as they were. To fly where she wanted at any moment. Not having earthly responsibilities.

Having completely forgotten about her grandfather. She rose from the ground. She didn't hear the gasp from him either as ice formed around her body. It clung to her arms and legs. Pieces fell to the ground as glitter. The odd thing about this ice was that it was clear and yet her skin began to glow red, so the ice had a red like appearance as well. She rose up to where the birds were and stopped to watch them fly. They immediately flew away from her, as she knew they would and she found herself watching their every movement. Watched their freedom. She stiffened when she felt someone hug her from behind. Yet she felt no physical body.

"Pan, please... Talk to me honey. Tell all the pain you feel. All the anger. Let me carry some away from you." Goku soothed into her hair.

"I...don't know what I feel. I guess, just betrayed. By everyone around me. Yet, I know they do care in their own way. It's just, I feel they forget me most of the time. If I don't make a conscious effort to say, ' hey remember me?' They'd just forget all about me. Does that sound stupid grandpa?" She felt another tear slide down her face.

"It doesn't sound stupid at all. We've all felt that way at some point in our lives Pan. I haven't myself though, more like the opposite." Goku confessed.

"What?" Pan turned in his arms as they began to lower from the sky.

"I often get too much attention. When I was alive I never had a moment alone. I would sometimes find myself wishing to be forgotten, if only for a few moments. In a way I was forgotten I guess. The real me." He spoke sadly.

"Huh?" Pan didn't quite get what her grandfather was trying to teach her.

"I mean that I always had to keep this happy persona on, even when I wasn't always feeling so happy. It reassured everyone around me that things would be okay. They needed that. I found myself wishing that they would just forget about the constantly happy Goku and maybe then I could be more like my true self."

"The Son curse...I felt that pressure too. To always smile when I was younger, but after you died... Smiling for everyone just lost it's appeal. I stopped caring about what they wanted and soon other problems followed. Does that make me a bad person for not trying to be fake? I don't think it makes me a bad person at all. So maybe I'm not truly deserving of the Son name." Pan stared out at the setting sun, watching the hues of the sky blend together.

"You're not a bad person Pan. You're one of the best I know. Maybe it's time I started following your example and started being true to myself as well." Goku stared out at the sunset as well.

"Yeah?" Pan turned to smile at her grandfather, her first true smile since his funeral.
One she gave only to him. One that didn't look at all like the Son smile that everyone loved. It was much more feminine and graceful. Beautiful.

"Yeah. Well, I have to be heading back. I'll see 'ya 'round sport." He smiled as he hugged her.

"You'd better. I've missed talking to you like this grandpa." She grinned as she squeezed him around his neck.

"Oh and Pan." He grabbed her arm sleeve and pulled it up, revealing the many cuts and scars.
She lowered her head in shame and bit her lip.

"Please try to keep from doing this to yourself. I know it can be appealing at those moments...but it only makes things so much worse." Goku pulled up a pant leg from his gi and she looked down to see a few cuts herself.

"You cut yourself too? Why?"

"It was around the time when we were preparing for the androids. I had a lot of pressure on me at that time. If I couldn't figure out a way to turn things around everyone else would die except Gohan. I cut myself by accident one evening on a knife and found that I liked it. After that it became something I would do under the heavy pressure. I now know it was wrong. Plus I didn't want to worry Chi chi, so I stopped. I won't tell anyone and I won't make you promise me or force you to stop. Just be careful okay? I don't want anything bad to happen to you Pan." He gave her a solemn look.

"I'll be careful grandpa and I'll try not to do it so much. It's just so hard to stop."
"I know it is. All anyone can ask of you is that you at least try." He gave her one last hug and then floated up into the sky, disappearing from view eventually.

"I will grandpa. If for no one else, I'll try for you."


444444444444444444444444444444444444444


The Son family needs some help huh? Review to find out what happens with Gohan and see if Pan does better with her cutting habit.

Music Suggestion: "More Than This" by The Cure

Why I've suggested this song: Suggested for it's inspiring lyrics, it gives an ethereal feeling to the chapter. It also grants hope and gives a light and romantic feeling. Something we could all feel I believe. Something everyone SHOULD feel.