Born Again

AUTHOR’S NOTE: AHHH!!!! It
seems that each time I post, the chapters get longer and longer!!! AHHH!!!!!
This is an extra EXTRA long chapter, so beware... I promise to make the others
shorter! ^^;;;

Many thanks to Casey-chan for
helping me out with this chapter! Arigatou Casey-sama! *bows* Arigatou!

style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana'>BORN
AGAIN

style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana'>CHAPTER
FIVE-

style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana'>LIGHTS
OUT

*   *   *

“Heero! Heero! Open the door,
Heero! Please! Open the door!” Sally’s voice called over and over as her hand
knocked repeatedly on the wooden door in front of her. In her hand, clutched in
her fist, was a scruffy little teddy bear, its large brown eyes looking
pleadingly at the door as Sally begged its owner to answer her. “Heero,
please!”

Behind the door, sitting on a
small double bed, the said Japanese boy frowned as he looked down carefully at
his work. His pale fingers were currently fuddling with the buttons of his
shirt, struggling to button it up, but having little luck with keeping his
movements coordinated. He was biting his lower lip; eyes narrow in
concentration as his fingers tangled with the white shirt and the button
slipped out of his hold.

“Heero, please open up!”

Sally’s urging voice kept
calling from behind the door, begging him and urging him to unlock it. Her
pleas only added in pressuring him even more, adding to his already building
stress. He whimpered silently in distress as his fingers struggled with a
button, tears filling his eyes, as he could not bring himself to button the
shirt.

“Heero!”

“ARGHHH!!!!!” He shouted in
frustration and ripped the shirt off his body, throwing it forcefully to the
floor. Growling in anger and frustration, he jumped up and stomped his foot on
it over and over, tears streaming out of his miserable blue eyes. “ARGH!!!
CHIKUSHOU!!!!!!”

Outside the room, Sally took
a few steps back, hand over her heart as she heard the sounds of utter
frustration and despair coming from behind the door. Her fist closed tightly
around the small bear, and tears filled her eyes.

It’s only been a day since
Duo dropped Heero at their house, saying he has to go away for a while. The
braided man left no time or room for words and arguments, and just left,
leaving Heero behind without a word. He merely dropped Heero’s duffle on the
floor and left. It broke her heart when Heero ran after the boy, crying and
begging him to stay. But Duo ran faster, disappearing behind the elevator’s
doors without looking back. Despite Heero’s claustrophobia, the boy tried to
open the doors, begging Duo to let him in. But by the time the doors reopened,
the elevator was empty and Duo was long gone.

She could do nothing but
watch and try to comfort as Heero collapsed to the floor, punching the floor,
begging Duo to come back.

He had spent the first day
doing nothing but crying. He refused to eat or drink; he shoved any comforting
hand away, and did his best to isolate himself from the world. The minute he
was shown to the guest room, he closed the door, threw himself on the bed and
sunk into another fit of tears and self-pity.

Neither she nor Chang could
do anything, so they just left the boy to his own. But when she woke up this
morning, entering the kitchen, she was surprised to see the scruffy brown fur
that marked Heero’s bear, Yoshi, peeking out of the trashcan. Her heart
clenched painfully and she immediately salvaged the thrown bear and ran to
Heero’s room. It seemed that Heero’s condition was worse than she thought.

“Heero?” The Chinese woman
tried again, knocking on the door. “Heero, please unlock the door. Please, let
me in. Let me see that you’re all right.”

“Go away!” Heero’s voice
called from behind the door, sounding hoarse and heavy with tears.

“Heero, please.” She begged,
lifting Yoshi up, as if the boy could actually see it. “I found Yoshi, don’t you
want to see him?”

“NO! Go away!”

“Heero...” She whispered
sadly, her tearful eyes looking down at the abandoned bear. The large brown
eyes glistered sadly in the morning sun, looking up at her with a silent plea.
She took a deep breath, looking up at the door again. “Heero, it’s not nice to
leave Yoshi like this, don’t you think?”

This time, the boy didn’t
answer, and the silence hung heavily in the air.

“Heero?” Sally asked in
worry, fearful of the sudden silence. She took a deep breath, trying to sound composed
when she spoke. “Heero, do you really want Yoshi to be all alone?”

Again the silence was her
only her answer.

Sally’s fist closed tightly
around the small bear. She took another deep breath and sighed. “Heero?”

For a long time, there was
only silence. Time stood still and Sally held her breath, looking at the door
in a breathless anticipation.

Suddenly, she could hear the
lock being turned and her heart skipped a beat. She took a few steps back; her
eyes wide as she watched the knob slowly turn.

Slowly, the door opened, and
Heero’s head peeked out, the rest of him hiding behind the door. With his
tearful cobalt eyes and cheeks damp with tears, Heero looked like a miserable
little puppy. He looked up at her sadly, his lower lip trembling as he tried to
stop the tears.

Sally’s gaze became
compassionate at his distressed sight, and she did her best to smile at him
kindly. “Heero, it’s okay to come out.”

Heero sighed and cast his
gaze down. Bowing his head, the boy looked down at his feet and took a deep
breath before speaking. “You not laugh?” He whispered, his voice small and
uncertain.

“No, Heero, I won’t laugh.”
Sally promised warmly. She reached out a hand towards Heero, who was still
hidden behind the door, only his head and feet peeking out.

He took a deep breath, and
then slowly, hesitantly, opened the door all the way. He took a few steps back
and to the side, clearing the passage for the older woman. He kept his head
bowed and his eyes glued to the floor, slightly blushing as he felt her eyes on
him.

Sally’s eyes narrowed in pain
and compassion when she realized that he was shying away, for he was wearing no
shirt.

“I can’t put it on...” The
boy mumbled miserably, sniffling silently. He slowly turned to look up at
Sally; his blue eyes shining with unshed tears. “I don’t know how...” He sighed
sadly, and let his gaze down. “.....it’s not nice being stupid......”

A painful tingle tugged at
Sally’s heart and she had to take a moment to just breathe. Heero’s heartbroken
voice was nearly too much, and the desperate look in his eyes was just as bad,
if not worse.. “I’ll help you.” She finally spoke, taking a step forward.

“No.” Heero protested,
shaking his head. He looked up at Sally, his gaze fierce and determined. “You
teach me how.”

Sally forced herself to smile
kindly at him. “Sure.” She took his hand in hers, and handed him Yoshi. “But
only if you’ll give Yoshi a shirt as well.”

At the mention of Yoshi’s
name, Heero’s blue eyes darted down and then widened in pain as he spotted his
bear lying in Sally’s hold. He slowly reached down to take it, his expression
sorrowful. He caressed the bear’s soft and furry head, and then looked up at
Sally in thanks.

The woman smiled led him
further into the room. “C’mon, lets get you dressed and then we’ll find
something for Yoshi.”

Heero smiled. “We wash him
too? He’s stinky...” His smile broadened as he saw the woman nod her head.

“Sure, and then we’ll make
some breakfast, huh? What do you say?”

“You teach me to make food?!”
Heero marveled, surprised that she actually trusted him enough to learn it.

Sally’s smile didn’t falter
as she pulled out a new shirt for Heero to wear. “Sure! Why not?! It’ll be
fun!” She gestured at Heero to come and seat beside her on the bed. The boy
hurried to comply.

“We make pancakes? And I make
for Duo-chan when he come back?”

Sally’s smile wavered for a
second, and she hurried to turn her gaze down at the shirt in her hand.
“Sure...” She mumbled, unbuttoning the shirt. “Sure...” She handed the shirt to
Heero, her blue eyes losing some of their earlier mirth. “C’mon, lets get
started with this first...”

*   *   *

“Oh Charely... oh gods... oh
gods... oh gods... nnn... ahhh… OH GOD CHARELY! YES! YES! YESSSSS!!!!!!!!!”

In a dark cinema hall, bored
violet eyes rolled back, followed by a disgusted snort. The dark violet orbs
looked away from the giant screen, and a deep sigh was heard within the moaning
and groaning emitted from the speakers around the hall.

Sinking back into his seat,
Duo leaned one elbow on the armrest and leaned his head on it, looking up at
the screen with bored eyes. Black and heavy bags hung under his eyes, an
indication to lack of sleep. His face, unshaved, was blead bid bitter, his eyes
conveying nothing but deep sadness and bitterness. He scanned the few individuals
sitting around the cheap cinema hall, his eyes narrowing painfully as he
spotted a couple making out in the back row. He turned to face the front again,
and sighed deeply.

He didn’t even know why he
was here, sitting in a dark cinema, watching cheap porn at its worse. He didn’t
even like girls, and the guy wasn’t that much. The only reason he picked this
movie because the guy reminded him of Heero. Well sort of. Kind of. Well... not
at all. It was just a lousy excuse to make him feel better about coming here.

n stn style='font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana'>After hours of just wandering
down the streets, his legs just carried him in here without his mind having a
say in it. For nearly tw-fou-four hours he was doing nothing but walking or
driving. At first, he drove. He drove and drove for hours, having no real
direction. He just needed to feel the car moving, faster and faster, his leg
pressing on the gas and the engine roaring.

He ended up in this city,
about a few hundred kilometers from where he and Heero lived.

Heero... he wondered if he
was okay now. He was crying real hard when he left. He hoped that Sally and
Chang managed to calm him. And considering how easily distracted Heero was, he
had nothing to worry about. Heero probably forgot all about it by now...

Duo shifted in his seat,
suddenly feeling a little uncomfortable, like his body knew that he was trying
to fool himself.

Heero was probably not okay.
He was probably hurt. Hurt by him. But then again... hurting is the only thing
he knew when it came to Heero. He always managed to somehow hurt the boy, even
if he didn’t mean it. Heero was just so naïve... he never understood... how
could he understand? He didn’t understand a thing.

And neither did Duo.

Everything was just so
confusing right now... for four months he had been waiting for Heero to miraculously
come back to him, but it never happened. It never will happen. He knew
that, but he just couldn’t accept it. He couldn't accept a life with a person
who is so different from the man he fell in love with... He just couldn’t. He
wanted his Heero, the ‘Old Heero’ to come back to him. He couldn’t settle for
any less.

Heero was just a child. How
can he love a child? How can he keep on living with someone who acted so
different from his age? So far from the person he used to know, and love...

“OH! AH! OH GOD! OH GOD!
HARDER! YES! AH! HARDER! OH GODS! HARDER CHARELY! YESSS!!!!”

//“Why are you watching this
crap?”

At the sound of the annoyed
voiced, Duo rolled his eyes and threw the remote control away. “Because there’s
nothing better to watch!” He snarled, already knowing where this conversation
was going.

“Hn. How about doing
something productive for a change?” The owner of the nearly monotone voice
snarled back as he sat down on the couch, cobalt blue eyes glaring Duo to
death.

Duo snorted and looked away,
shifting his gaze back to the television, watching as the figures fucked
on-screen, the bed rocking and the cameraman’s reflection on the mirror behind
them. He sighed, feeling the same old anger rise inside him whenever this kind
of conversation rose.

“If you’re referring to the
winter modifications on my Gundam, it’s done.” He spat, not taking his angry
eyes off the TV. But he could feel the surprised look the other boy was giving
him; his mouth slightly gaped as he stared at him with his stunned blue eyes.
This kind of reaction only served to anger him more.

“Stop acting so surprised!”
He burst, jumping out of his seat and whirling around to glare at the boy. “I’m
sick of you treating me like some dumb baby!” He spat in disgust, his eyes
shooting daggers down at the Japanese boy sitting on the sofa.

The boy scowled at him, his
eyes darkening. “Then stop behaving like one.”

“ARGH!” Duo growled, kicking
the sofa in frustration. “Fuck you Heero! Just because I don’t fit into that
perfect little soldier image of yours, doesn’t mean that you should treat me
like any less!”

As the words flew out of his
mouth, so angry and aggravated, Heero’s eyes widened a slight bit, his scowl
disappearing and his features softening.

“I pull my own weight around
here and I get the job done!” Duo raged on, his gaze so intense that it cut
though the air like a sharp knife.

On the sofa, Heero was still
gaping at him, seeming taken back by his outburst. His eyes had a strange look
in them now, and they appeared to be shimmering under the flickering of the
television. It looked like... remorse? Chk! Duo couldn’t care less. Not right
now anyway.

“I do what I have to do, just
like EVERYBODY ELSE! But I do it MY way, Heero! My way! So just accept that and
STOP lecturing me! I am not a child who needs to be rebuked! I’m me and you
better accept that or get the hell outta my sight!” By now, he was panting
hard, his cheeks flushed from his effort. He had shouted so hard, his throat
hurt and his hands felt heavy all of a sudden, for he was flinging them wildly
in the air as he spoke. He let them drop limply down; feeling very tired all of
a sudden. He just stood there, looking down at Heero as he tried to calm his
breathing.

The Japanese boy was sitting
deathly still on the couch, looking up at him with stunned blue eyes. As their
gazes locked, Heero quickly looked away and bowed his head. There was silence
for a long time and only the s of of the cheap porn movie could be heard
around the dark living room.

“I’m sorry.” Heero finally
whispered, slowly lifting his gaze up to look at Duo. His deep blue eyes were
shining in the soft light, looking apologetically up at Duo. “I’m sorry... I
had no right to...” He trailed off and lowered his head again. He took ano
de
deep breath and shook his head weakly. “I apologize.”

Duo sighed, all anger rushing
out of him at once. He threw himself back at the couch. “It’s cool.” He
whispered, looking down at his fidgeting hands.

Again the heavy silence, and
only the moaning and groaning of the movie could be heard.

Duo kept his head facing the
television, but in fact his gaze was turned elsewhere. He could not bring
himself to ignore the heat emitting from Heero’s body, for he was sitting so
close. His clean and almost sweet scent was teasing his senses, for the boy had
just stepped out of the shower. Duo watched him from the corner of his eyes,
feeling that powerful feeling inside of him whenever he looked at his comrade.
There was just something about Heero. The way he was always standing proud and
rigid, shoulders upright and his graceful body tense with readiness and
strength. Always the strong soldier.

It was in the way he walked,
the way he talked, the very way he moved about. It was in the way he radiated
power and reassurance wherever he roamed. It was that strength, that power the
surrounded him, which enabled him to give hope to others. To give comfort even
when he didn’t intend to. It was the look in his eyes, that fire that burned
bright within the midnight blue oceans. It was the look in his eyes when they
softened, like they did now, and took Duo’s breath away. It was everything
about the Japanese boy that made Duo whimper in a desperate need for contact.

But he never dared initiating
that contact. He could look but he couldn’t touch. He had worked so hard to
gain Heero’s friendship, and he wasn’t about to scare him off with his silly
hormone-raging ideas. Look but never touch. Never touch.

Sighing, Duo shook his head
slightly and turned back to the television, when the hot sex scene was now
taking place somewhere else. The moans and groans grew louder, and Duo could
have sworn that he heard Heero sigh in irritation, as if bothered by it.

The Japanese boy dared a peek
up through messy bangs, but quickly looked away from the television, his face
slightly blushed. He turned to face Duo, but kept his head bowed a bit in a shy
manner. “Can you at least change the channel?”

“Heh...” Duo let out, touched
by Heero’s shyness. “Now who’s the child?” He teased, smirking at Heero’s face.

The Japanese boy rolled his
eyes and snorted. “Baka. I want to see the news.”

Duo’s smirk didn’t waver and
he reached for the remote control, turning to face the television.//

“Ah! God! Oh Charley! GODS!
MORE! OH GODS! MORE! AH! HARDER! AH! AHHHH!!!!”

Shaking his head in
amusement, Duo smiled sadly and looked away from the large cinema screen.
“Sure...” He whispered, remembering Heero’s blushed cheeks. His smile quickly
disappearing, Duo got up and walked out of the cinema. “Just a child...”

*   *   *

“Heero, can you turn off the
television before you go to bed?” Sally’s voice asked softly as she stood in
the bottom of the stairway, looking ahead at the living room, where Heero sat.

“Okay.” The Japanese boy
answered quietly, not looking away from the television set.

Sally smiled and nodded in
thanks. She prepared to go up the stairs, but then stopped and turned to face
the living room again. “Do you need any help tucking in?”

This time, Heero did look up,
his features a bit angered. He looked up at Sally for the longest of time, his
gaze fierce and penetrating, before he finally shook his head. “I can...
alone.”

Releasing the breath she
didn’t realize she had been holding, Sally forced her numb body to move and
nodded. “I understand. Goodnight then, Heero.” She said quietly, feeling a
little uncomfortable all of a sudden. She began climbing up the stairs.

“Sally-san?”

At the sound of Heero’s
hesitant voice, the Chinese woman stopped and slowly turned around to face him.
“Yes, Heero?”

The Japanese boy was silent
for a few moments, looking a little unsure of himself, before finally taking a
deep breath and speaking. “I know things, even if it’s hard to say.”

She felt a painful sting in
her heart, but somehow managed to nod and offer a kind little smile. “I know, Heero.”

Heero smiled back, a sad
little smile, his blue eyes shimmering under the soft light of the living room.
He looked like he was about to say something more, but then probably thought
twice about it and turned his gaze away, back to the television.

Sighing, Sally shook her head
sadly and climbed up the stairs.

Heero remained seated in the
dim living room, the television mute, its soft light flickering in the darkness
of the large room. But his blue eyes were not watching what was displayed to
him. His vision was too blurry to watch, the cobalt eyes glazed over with tears
as he sat there, crying silently. Shiny silver trails slid slowly down his
cheeks and he sniffled silently, one hand holding the remote, the other
clutched around Yoshi’s little hand, as the bear sat beside him.

“I know things, Duo-chan... I
know things...”

*   *   *

“Is he finally asleep?” Chang
asked as his wife entered the bedroom. He was lying on the bed, his reading
glasses on and a book in his hand.

“No.” Sally answered with a
sigh, closing the door behind her. “He’s really upset. Did you notice? He
didn’t even touch his dinner...” She muttered, walking over to the bed and lay
by her husband.

“I can’t blame him.” Wufei
sighed, putting the book down.

“Yeah...” His wife let out
with a sigh, settling herself under the covers and then laying two hands on he
lap. She sighed again. “But he’s too thin. It’s not healthy for him. I think I
should put him on a special diet, help him gain some more weight.”

“Humph, what he needs now is
Maxwell, not food.” Wufei growled, his fists clenching. “That idiot is too
wrapped up in his own pain, that he fails to see anything BUT that. Ch! I never
expected him to be so weak.”

Sally sighed. Normally, she
would have reprimanded him for saying such a thing, but right now, she couldn’t
agree more. As much as she loved and cared for Duo, she had expected him to be
a little more responsible and deal with his problems properly. How come he
couldn’t see how much progress Heero was making? Was he so blind that he didn’t
see how much the boy loved him? How much he depended on him? How he tried hard
and pushed himself to the limit just for him?

Everything that Heero
displayed, his determination, his obligation and devotion, his sheer will power
and endurancestyle='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana'>,
were all qualities the ‘Old Heero’, as Duo often put it, had possessed. As a
person, he was no different than the Heero Yuy she met four years ago.style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Verdana'>

She just hoped that Duo will
make the right decision, and will be able to make it back in time, before the
damage was too great.

Wufei sighed and put his
glasses away on the nightstand, before turning off the night lamp. Sighing
heavily, he turned to lie on his side and prepared to sleep. “I swear I’ll
punch that idiot in the face the minute he comes back!”

Sally sighed, lying down as
well. “Yeah... if he’ll come back...”

*   *   *

“I made pancakes today.”
Heero whispered as he rolled over in his bed, pulling the blanket up to cover
himself. He turned on the small light Sally had given him, and then lay down on
his back, in the middle of the double bed. It was a big bed, and he didn’t
remember ever sleeping in such a big bed before. It just didn’t make sense. Why
sleep in such a big bed if you’re all alone? Sally and Chang’s bed was big and
they slept together. But then again, Duo-chan’s bed was big, and he was alone
at night, so maybe it was okay? He wasn’t sure...

Sighing, Heero shook his head
and decided to think about that later. His blue eyes shone under the soft
moonlight that filtered through the window, as he looked up at the skies. He
smiled a little, gazing up at the dark heavens. “They didn’t come out so good,
I think, but Sasayssays I can do better when I try.” He explained, shifting a
little on the bed, bringing closer, but not shifting his gaze down from the
window. “I think if I learn a lot of times, I can make you better ones, ne,
Duo-chan?” He smiled sadly, feeling that heavy and hot feeling in his chest
that usually came with the tears that filled his eyes. “I make you pancakes
when you come back, ne Duo-chan? Ne? I promise they be better ones...”

There was no answer, of
course, and only the stars were witnesses to his little monologue. He watched
the stars twinkle up in the dark skies, and thought that they looked less
cheery than usual. They weren’t as bright. In his bedroom, at home, when he
looked outside, they were ALWAYS bright. Some of them even moved a little in
the skies. The TV said that they were shooting stars, but Duo-chan said that
they could be satellites or even colonies. He didn’t remember ever being in a
colony, but Duo-chan said that the ‘Old Heero’ was from there. He hoped that
Duo-chan will take him there one day, so he can see them for himself. He
thought it might be cool to see space, just like the ‘Old Heero’ did...

Sighing, he turned to lie on
his side, hugging Yoshi close. He turned his gaze up at the skies again. “Sally
teached me how to close the buttons too.” He whispered, looking down briefly.
“It’s kinda hard, but I think that I learned it okay...” He let out, reaching
up a hand to wipe the tears away. “She’s a very good teacher...” He mumbled but
then suddenly felt as if he had said something bad, and he jerked his head up
at the skies, tearful eyes looking up apologetically at the heavens. “But I
don’t mean that you’re not good, Duo-chan! I know you’re good! You’re good!” He
assured him, trying to offer a reassuring smile, but he was too sad to smile,
so it faltered.

Sighing, he let his gaze down
sadly. “I just have to try harder... I try until you come back... okay?”

He looked up at the skies,
but the dark infinity offered him no answer. He sighed and bowed his head
again, his fingers unconsciously caressing Yoshi’s soft fur, seeking the
familiar comfort of his one true friend. He had thought about leaving Yoshi
somewhere before going to sleep, like he tried the previous night, but it just
didn’t feel right. Duo-chan ALWAYS said that he shouldn’t sleep with Yoshi,
because it was not right for someone as big as him, but he couldn’t bear the
thought of being alone in the room, in such a big house, where EVERYBODY was in
the floor above him. At home, Duo-chan was always across the hall and he knew
that if he dreamt about the Bad Man and his Hands, that he could go to his
room. Sometimes Duo-chan got mad when he did, but most of the time he helped
him feel better. But now Duo-chan wasn’t here, and he only had Yoshi. He knew
that it was bad for him to sleep with his bear, and that Duo-chan would NEVER
come back if he still had it, but he couldn’t let go just like that. He had to
try harder.

“I’m sorry...” He whispered,
sniffling. He curled into a fetal position, hugging Yoshi tightly and burying
his head in the soft fur. “I’ll try harder... I try again harder...” He
promised, lifting his gaze up to look at the heavens, two silver trails running
down his cheeks. He watched the stars twinkle, and thought that they looked
like they were crying. He wondered if Duo-chan was crying too. Or maybe he was
smiling now, because he wasn’t there anymore?

Whimpering, Heero forced
himself to stop crying and wiped the tears away quickly. It took his some time
to calm his quiet sobs, and he sniffled a couple of more times before looking
up at the window again.

“They said... on TV... they
said that in the other side of the world, it’s morning now...” He whispered,
tearful eyes looking up uncertainly at the window. “Sally says that she doesn’t
know how far you goed, so... so I don’t know if it’s morning or... or maybe
night, but...” He took a deep breath, drawing Yoshi closer to him, eyes
shimmering with uncertainty. “I... I don’t really know... maybe they sleep in
morning there? I’m not sure... so... I...” He sniffled and hurried to wipe the
tears before he looked up at the skies again. “Oyasumi, Duo-chan. I... Yoshi
say goodnight too, but you don’t like him very much, so... I... uh...” He
sniffled and shook his head, forcing himself to sound composed. “You say to
sleep tight and not let the bed bugs bite...” He chuckled sadly at the memory,
but it only made the pain in his chest return. He whimpered sadly and buried
his face in the covers, curling even more into a human ball, hugging Yoshi
tightly. “Oyasumi... I hope that the bed don’t bite where you are, Duo-chan...
I hope... you’re okay... and... that... maybe you smile..? I hope...” He cried
silently in the darkness, looking up at the twinkling stars, tears flowing out
like silver waterfall, glistering under the moonlight. “I hope you be back
soon... and...” He whispered, turning to bury his head in the pillow as he
hugged Yoshi close. “I hope... I hope I make you smile...” He wished silently
into the pillow, crying until sleep engulfed him.

*   *   *

In a dark motel room, a pair
of dark and bitter violet eyes rested numbly on a dark figure standing by the
window. The eyes watched in a detached and cold manner as the silhouette,
illuminated only by pale moonlight, slowly moved, getting dressed. They
followed each of its hasty movements, tracing the figure’s outlines as it
moved. It was a silhouette of a rather short and slender figure, which had quite
a feminine look to it, but it was clearly male. His face was hidden in the
shadows, and his hair, messily cropped bangs that ran jaggedly over his
forehead, jumped up and down as the figure moved against the window.

The figure quickly got
dressed, and then straightened up, quickly running a hand through his hair,
before stashing a stack on money into his pocket.

The violet eyes didn’t even
bother to follow the figure as he exited the room in a rush.

The door was closed silently
and the eyes remained focused on the window. They watched the city lights
sparkle outside the window, the light reflected in the dull and numb eyes.

Sheets rustled as Duo slowly
turned to lie on his side, facing the window. He sent a quick look at the
floor, not even bothering to count the amount of liquor bottles littering it.
He sighed heavily and turned his gaze up to the window, watching the dark
heavens that stood high above the city scrapers.

The violet eyes slowly closed
as Duo looked away. He sighed heavily and nestled himself into the covers,
bringing the pillow down and hugging it. He was lying on the edge of the large
bed, refusing to look back and see how empty and big the bed really was. As
sleep slowly came, he opened his eyes and looked up at the window again. His eyes
studied the sparkling stars, his vision slowly blurring from tears.

“Can you see it, Heero?” He
whispered, his eyes shimmering sadly. “The stars look sadder tonight...”

*   *   *

SQUASH!

One pea.

SQUASH!

Two peas.

SQUASH!

He hated peas.

SQUASH!

He hated green.

SQUASH!

He hated everything here.

SQUASH!

He wanted to go home.

SQUASH!

He wanted Duo to take him
home.

SQUASH!

Duo wasn’t coming home.

SQUASH!!!!

“How was work?” Sally’s voice
asked kindly and Heero looked up from his plate. They were all sitting around
the dinner table, having their supper. Sally and Chang were sitting close on
one side, and Heero was sitting across of them, next to Meiran, who sat in her
special baby chair. She had her plastic plate in front of her, and was
currently busy in making a mess out of her food. She got the table all dirty,
and managed to throw some food Heero’s way too. She got his shirt dirty too and
he glared at her for it, though she didn’t seem to notice.

Heero sighed and looked away,
shifting his gaze up at the couple sitting across the table.

“It was all right.” Wufei
answered with a sigh, lifting the fork up to his mouth. “That Johnson fellow
gave me a little trouble as usual, so I finally demoted him.”

Heero’s eyes narrowed in
concentration. De...mo...ted? What was that?

“Oh, that’s not very nice.”
Sally commented.

Whatever it was, it was
probably bad, Heero decided. He sighed and turned back to his plate. There
wasn’t much point to keep up with a conversation that he didn’t understand.
Usually, he would have asked what a word meant, but he didn’t see the point in
it anymore. It didn’t matter anymore.

SQUASH!

Nothing mattered anymore.

“Yeah, well, he was quite a
troublesome agent, but no one bothered to do anything but complain. I know that
Maxwell was planning on sending him off on ‘extended leave’, but he’s not here
to do it now is he?”

SQUASH!

No, Duo-chan wasn’t here to
see or do anything, so why should ANYTHING matter?

Sally sighed. “I see...” She
let out, sending a worried glance over to Heero.

Wufei sighed again and put
down his drink. “Ch! That asshole really ticked me off today... he had some nerve
that one!”

“Uh huh...” Sally mumbled,
not really listening. She was too busy studying the silent Japanese boy who was
sitting across of her. Heero was awfully quiet lately. Usually he would have
tried to join the conversation, or at least pay attention to it, but in the
last few days Heero had been dreadfully quiet.dir=RTL> Much like the days during the war. He was
merely sitting there, his head bowed, his face obstructed by his messily
cropped bangs, and he was playing with his food instead of eating it.

“Heero?” She called out
softly, her blue eyes worried, but the boy did not respond.

“...and Une says that if we
won’t do it by TOMORROW night, then the RK committee is going to be on our
necks, and then we’ll--hey!” Wufei stopped in mid-sentence, calling out in
surprise as he felt his wife nudge him with her foot. He whirled around to
glare at her. “What was that for, woman?!”

Sally glared back, her gaze
intense.

Wufei swallowed. “...what?!”

Sighing, Sally shook her head
in disappointment. She then looked up fiercely at her husband and gestured at
Heero with head.

“Huh?” Wufei let out,
confused, and turned to look at the boy as well. He frowned when he saw that
Heero wasn’t paying much attention, and he was sitting there quietly, head
bowed and that his shoulders slumped, his whole demeanor solemn. Sighing, the
Chinese man cast his gaze down briefly, and took a deep breath. When he felt
his wife nudge him again, more forcefully this time, he looked back up at the
boy.

“Heero, uh... um... How--how
was your day?” He finally stammered, feeling Sally’s glare disappeared and he
allowed himself to breathe.

Cobalt blue eyes widened in
shock and Heero’s head jerked up in surprise. “Huh?” He asked dumbly, gaping at
the man.

Wufei smiled kindly at him.
“Your day, how was it?”

“Oh, uh...” Heero stammered,
looking around uncertainly. He looked down at his food and then shrugged.
“Okay.”

Silence fell over the dinner
table as no one had any idea what to say next.

Wufei was about to give up
and return to his meal, when Sally kicked him again, her gaze reprimanding. He
sighed and looked up at Heero again. “So, uh... what... what did you do today?”

To say that Heero was
surprised would have been an understatement. The boy didn’t remember anyone
EVER asking him about his day. Usually he heard the other ‘grown-ups’ ask these
questions, but he was never asked them.

Now feeling a little better,
Heero smiled and looked up at Wufei, his blue eyes shining with a new light.
“I... I went outside, with... with Meiran. We went to the park.” He answered
with pride, happy to be able to tell someone about his day, especially because
he felt proud for going outside all on his own. Sally had suggested that he
would take Meiran to the playground in the nearby park. It wasn’t so far away,
but Heero was glad to be out of the house for a change, and more than that- to
have someone put so much trust in him and let him take Meiran.

“Oh.” Chang finally let out,
looking thoughtful as he reached for his drink. “You went alone? “ He asked
calmly, sipping his drink.

“Hai.” Heero answered with a
smile, nodding his head in affirmative.

But Wufei didn’t look so
happy or calm all of a sudden. Quite the contrary, he nearly choked on his own
drink. “Wow. You let him go all by himself?” He called in surprise, turning to
face Sally.

The woman frowned, unsure
what he meant by that, but before she could open her mouth and say something,
Heero threw his chair back and got up.

“Yes she did!” He called
angrily, glaring down at Wufei. “She did and we played on the swings and
NOTHING happened! I can do things too!” He growled, stomping his foot on the
floor. “I can!” He spat into their stunned faces, his eyes burning with an
angry blue fire. “I can too!” He yelled one last time before whirling around
and running to his room.

The guest room’s door was
slammed forcefully shut, the sound echoing throughout the house.

Silence fell over the dinning
room as both Chang and Sally looked down sorrowfully at their hands.

Only Meiran’s sounds of joy
were to be heard, as the infant threw her food all over the place and then
proceeded with messing with Heero’s plate.

Sally sighed heavily, and
looked up sorrowfully at her husband. Her face turned compassionate the minute
she registered how upset her husband was. His fists were clenched; his knuckles
white, his jaw tense and his dark eyes shining with barely suppressed anger.
Anger that she knew was directed at himself.

Sighing sadly, the young
woman turned to clear the table, sadly musing that as time went by, the smiles
seemed to fade from everybody’s faces...

*   *   *

He walked down the streets of
the city, keeping his gaze on the ground, his hands in his pockets and letting
his legs carry him wherever they wished to go. He had no real direction, and he
found it funny in some way that he was lost in both body and mind.

Two weeks of wandering down
these streets still didn’t help him find the magical solution he had gone out
to seek. His questions were still unanswered and his heart was lost as it had
been for the longest of time. He didn’t even know if he loved Heero anymore. He
wasn’t sure. And if he did love Heero, which Heero was it? The old one? The
he
he used to know during the war, the one he dreamed of during his seemingly
endless search? Was it the boy he had found, that innocent and gentle soul who
managed to touch his heart somehow?

Or were they both the same
person? Were they both Heero? His Heero?

Maybe he never loved Heero in
the first place. Maybe it was just a teenage crush? Maybe it was his looks he
was after? That foolish thought of making Heero’s strength his? So many doubts
were suddenly rising in him... he had never doubted his love for Heero, but now...
now it was different.

He didn’t know who Heero was
anymore.

Was he the same? Did he want
the same things the ‘Old Heero’ did? Did he feel the same way he did? Did they
think the same way? Did they act the same? Were they the same?

He just didn’t know.

The laughter of children made
Duo pause his walking, and he looked up, dark violet eyes searching for the
source of happinessstyle='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Verdana;mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana'>. He
noticed that he had reached the more prosperous side of town, and that across the road was a
beautiful green park. Small children were playing around every tree and
coroner, running along the grassy planes and amusing themselves in a huge
playground. Families were walking down the small paths around the park, mothers
and their babies, proud fathers and their sons.

Duo sighed and cast his gaze down, his heart bleeding just
for watching those people.

But the laughter of children was a constant tease. He
could feel their smiling faces; see their eyes sparkle with laughter even if he
wasn’t watching them.

Duo sighed and looked away from the park. “Did you ever
think what it would be like to live a life like that?” He asked, slowly turning
to look at the boy standing beside him, his chocolate brown bangs tousled
lightly by the wind. “Have you, Heero?” He gestured at the people with his
head, his violet eyes looking somewhat distressed. “Did you ever wish to live
that kind of life?”

Eyes of midnight blue looked down at him for the longest
of time, the boy’s features thoughtful. Sighing silently, Heero looked up at
the park, and then slowly, carefully, nodded his head. “It’s an entertaining
thought, at times.” He answered calmly, and then slowly turned back to Duo. “To
be given a second chance.”

Duo frowned and looked away, his face doubtful as he
looked up at the park again. “Even if it means not being the same person?”

Small wrinkles appeared on Heero’s brow as he frowned,
looking at Duo in slight confusion. “What do you mean?”

Duo sighed, letting his shoulders slump. He slowly turned
around so he was standing face to face with Heero, his violet eyes looking
deeply into the cobalt oceans. “Don’t you think that if you were to have lived
your life differently, you would end up as a completely different person?”

Heero’s frown deepened, his features thoughtful. After
some time, he nodded his head, his gaze penetrating as he looked at Duo.
“Different, perhaps. But still the same person.”

Duo’s mouth hung open as he gaped at his friend in
confusion. “Huh?”

“Ch, baka.” Heero let out and rolled his eyes, looking a
little amused. “I’ll always be me. Just like you’ll always be the baka that you
are.”

“Hey!” Duo let out, the smile returning to his eyes. “That
was low, mister.” He muttered, still amused.

A small and shy smile flashed quickly over Heero’s face,
and the boy hurried to look away. His blue eyes studied the people in the park,
following a few children as they ran, laughing and playing along.

There was silence for some time, until Duo took a deep
breath, bracing himself for the next question. “What would you like to change
about yourself?” He turned carefully to look at Heero, pretty certain that the
boy will keep silent and avoid the question.

He was surprised when Heero sighed deeply and shrugged. “I
think I would like to make people smile.” He looked sadly down at Duo, and then
gestured at the children with his head. “I would like to laugh like they do.”
He added and then sighed again. “I wish that smiling would be easier.” He sighed
and turned back to Duo. “Like it is for them...”

Again the laughter of children filled the air as a kite
soared highly in the air.

Sighing, Duo cast his gaze down and shoved his hands into
his pockets. “Smiling, huh?” He mumbled, beginning to slowly walk away. An
image of alingling Heero flashed in his head, followed by the boy’s tear soaked
face, the last memory he had of the boy, before he had left him.

Tears stung Duo’s eyes as he continued to walk faster. It
wasn’t long before he was running down the street. He ran down the busy streets
like a streaking bullet, cutting his way through the crowd, pushing his body to
the limit in an effort to get rid of the sickening feeling that suddenly filled
him. He pushed people out of his way with force, some of the passers-by falling
down to the ground with a shocked exclamation. But Duo didn’t care right now.
All he wanted to do was run. Run so fast that his troubles would be left far
far behind. But no matter how fast he ran, images of Heero still haunted him.
Heero smiling, Heero crying, Heero laughing, Heero sleeping, Heero talking to
him...

Eyes shut tight, head bowed and tears leaking down his
cheeks, Duo ran, disappearing into the crowd.

*   *   *

“How is he?” Sally asked
worriedly the minute Chang entered the kitchen. She was sitting by the kitchen
table, a mug full of steaming tea cupped in both her hands, and another mug
waiting for Wufei on the other side of the table.

Sighing, Wufei sat down and
reached for his drink. “I tried to apologize, but he said he wanted to sleep.”
He took a sip of his tea and sighed again. “He insisted on sleeping with the
lights off. He said something about us not having a light in our
bedroom...” He sighed again and shook his head. “I don’t know... I couldn’t see
his bear there either. I think he threw it away again.”

“That’s the third time this
week.” Sally let out sadly, looking down into her glass. “Poor boy...” She
mumbled, moving the cup in small circles and watching the dark liquid stir.
“He’s beginning to lose hope.”

“Can you blame him? It’s been
two weeks already.” Chang muttered, looking down into his cup again.

“Where could he be..?” Sally
mused out loud, her voice numb and heavy with desperation.

“I don’t know.” Wufei
answered, his fists clenching. He sighed and forced himself to relax. “But we
can’t keep Heero here forever.”

“I know, I know...” His wife
whispered, closing her eyes sadly. “What was Duo thinking? Two weeks and not
even a phone call... it’s like he completely forgot about him. This is very
unlike Duo.” She sighed and turned to look up at her husband. “Did you have any
luck locating him?”

Wufei shook his head sadly in
response. “No. Knowing Maxwell, when he wants to disappear, no one can find
him, no matter how many Preventers you put on the job.”

“We have to keep looking. The
waiting is killing Heero inside.” Sally spoke worriedly, her eyes shimmering
with tears. “It takes so much to bring him out of his room lately... and he
barely eats or speaks... I’ve never seen him so depressed. I hope Duo will be
back soon.”

“And if he doesn’t come
back?” Wufei raised the forbidden question, his gaze fierce as he looked up at
his wife.

Sally sighed and looked down
into her glass again. “Then I better start making some phone calls... we’ll
have to find a proper institute that will take him.”

“Yes, I guess it can’t be
helped...” Wufei mred red with a sigh, as his fists closed tightly around his
glass, his body tensing with fury. “I hope you know what you’re doing,
Maxwell...”

*   *   *

An empty glass of liquor was
slammed down on the counter of the bar, as the owner of the glass got up and
moved away from the bar. The club was filled with lights and smoke, loud music
pumping out of the speakers. A sworn of people were moving on the dance floor,
bodies swinging to the beat, hands raised up in the air and heads thrusting
from side to side, hips rocking and bodies colliding in a wild dance.

A pair of blood red lips
lifted up in a smile, a pair of dark eyes watching the owner of the glass move
towards them. The eyes followed the longhaired youth as he made his way in the
see of people, and the lips lifted up in a bigger smile as a pair of expressive
and bitter violet eyes came to stand right in front of them.

Soon all that was left of the
two was the flipping of a long chestnut braid disappearing behind a black door.

*   *   *

Body tense with fear and
anxiety, Heero lay still in his bed, curled into a fetal position. He was lying
in complete darkness, not even the moon bothered to come out of the clouds and
greet him. His body was trembling slightly, his eyes closed tight in an effort
to keep his fears away. Every little sound made him jumpy and scared, and he
thought that he could hear the Bad Man say that he needs to be Inside him now.
He never remembered the words the Bad Man said before, but in the last few
days, they began to come back.

He guessed that it was
because he turned off the light, and the Man had the chance to sneak out of the
shadows again. He didn’t even have Yoshi to protect him, because he had thrown
him away. No one was here to protect him from the Man in the Shadows. Only
Duo-chan knew about the Man and he was the only one who could help drive him
away. He didn’t want to tell Sally and Chang about him. It made him feel
embarrassed, because then he had to tell about the Bad Things that the Man did
with his Hands...

When Duo used to tuck him to
sleep, he always said that he shouldn’t’ let the bed bugs bite. Heero knew that
there were no REAL bugs on the bed (he had checked numerous of times) and he
guessed that Duo-chan meant that he shouldn’t let the Bad Things, the bad
thoughts bug him when he went to sleep. He guessed Duo meant that he shouldn’t
let all of those things trouble his sleep and come to his dreams. He had also
taken that statement as a promise that Duo would see to it himself that the
so-called ‘bugs’ would not come and ‘bite’ him while he slept.

But Duo-chan wasn’t here
anymore now was he?

Whimpering silently, Heero
drew the pillow closer to him and hugged it tightly. His tearful blue eyes looked
up at the window as a few stray tears slid down his cheeks and onto the pillow.

“Duo-chan... do you see?” He
whispered, looking up at the skies. “I turned the lights out... they’re out...
just like you always say...” He mumbled, looking down sadly. He knew that the
only way to keep the fears away is to talk to Duo-chan. At home, he would go to
him when he was scared, but since Duo-chan wasn’t here, he settled for talking
to him like this. He wasn’t sure if Duo heard him, but it didn’t matter anymore.

Duo wasn’t coming back, so
nothing mattered anymore.

Heero sniffled and looked
away, trying to stop the tears. “I tried very hard for you, Duo-chan... I try
VERY VERY hard, but I guess... I guess it’s not good enough...” He choked
whimper escaped his lips and he turned his gaze up at the window again. “I
don’t think I know how to make it better, because I tried all the things and
you still didn’t come back...” He cried brokenly, burying his face in the
pillow as sobs attacked his trembling body. “I even said goodbye to Yoshi! It
was the hardest thing to do, but I did it! I did so much, I think, but you
can’t see what I do because you don’t come!” He yelled and punched the pillow,
his voice hoarse from tears and hopelessness. “I sleep like everybody else now,
but you don’t know it! You don’t know anything I do!”

It was a long while before he
was able to calm his breathing, and he rolled to lie on his back, the back of
his head rubbing against the tear-soaked pillow. He looked up at the skies, his
blue eyes shinning under the pale moonlight, glistering with tears. He gazed
silently up at the dark heavens, trying to look for the stars, but it seemed
like they simply disappeared. The skies were completely dark. Just like his
room. He wondered why the stars were also hiding from him.

“Is it because I’m not good
enough?” Heero asked the stars, his eyes pleading. “Is that why?” He whispered,
a new flow of hot tears leaking out of his eyes. “Wakatta... that’s why...” He
mumbled, looking away. “See? I know things too, Duo-chan... I know why you
don’t want to come back... I know now...” He sniffled, slowly turning back to
look at the skies. “I wonder... I... I wonder if you’re happy now, Duo-chan.
I... I wish I knew if you smile right now... I think maybe you are...”

Looking up at the empty and
dark skies, gave him no answer and Heero sighed, turning to lie on his side,
folding into a human ball. He looked up at heavens, a small and sad little
smile on his weary features. “I hope that you can smile now, Duo-chan. I wish I
could see you like that, but I guess I can’t...” He let his gaze down again and
sniffled, his fist closeting around the covers. “I want... maybe you can give
me one last thing? A... a favor?” He asked weakly, his tearful eyes looking up
at the heaven again, where a small part of the moon peeked from behind thick
black clouds. “You don’t have to teach me anything... you don’t even have to
give me something, so I think maybe you agree to do this for me, okay?”

Heero smiled sadly at the
moon, and took a deep breath before speaking. “Duo-chan, I want... can you
please... Duo-chan, please smile for me too, ne?” He whispered, his voice
shaking for he was crying again “And maybe... maybe, if you want, you don’t
have to, but... maybe for Yoshi too?” He asked, his eyes pleading. “Onegai,
Duo-chan? Can you smile for us too? ...Please? Just a little, sometimes. Ne,
Duo-chan? Ne? Just a little... because... because I don’t think I can smile
anymore...”

After some minutes of weeping
into his pillow, Heero turned over to lie on his side, curling into himself. He
smiffled and took a deep breath, looking up at the window lastlast time.
“Sa-sayonara, D-Duo-chan. I... I hope you sleep tight... and... and don’t let
the bed bugs bite.”

*   *   *

In a dark and shabby motel
room, a single light flickered on in the shower, casting a beam of light onto
the small bed across the bathroom’s door. The bed was messy, sheets tangled and
dirty. Liquor bottles lay sprawled all over the floor, and the scent of alcohol
was in the air.

On the bed, lay a single
photo, taken ages ago, on a bright day, on a snowy mountain. A picture of both
Heero and Duo, their arms around each other and they were smiling at the
camera. The corners of the picture were crumpled, like it had been handled many
times.

The sounds of gagging filled
the small and dark room, the sound of someone heaving into the toilet. Duo was
hunched over lavatory seat, puking his guts out and moaning miserably. His hair
was a complete mess; his clothes wrinkled and dirty for they were a few days
old. Tears slid down the young man’s face as he heaved into the toilet, his
eyes closed tight and his expression tormented.

He coughed and gasped for
air, closing his eyes and moaning in misery.

“Duo no baka.” A disappointed
voice called from behind him. “How many times do I have to tell you to cease
your useless drinking!?” The voice continued with a sigh, and Duo could feel
the boy kneel down next to him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Fuck... you... Heero...” Duo
coughed out, and turned around so he was sitting on the bathroom’s floor, his
back against the toilet. He took deep breaths, trying to calm down. When he
opened his eyes, he was looking up into a pair of shining cobalt eyes, which
looked down at him worriedly.

Duo snorted and closed his
eyes again. “Ch, Heero, I’m touched. I din’t know ya cared so much...”

“Shut up, baka.” Heero spat,
letting go of his shoulder and turning towards the sink. He opened the faucet
and took a small cloth in his hands.

“Heh, ya know, it’s not the
war anymore...” Duo mumbled drowsily, leaning his head back and looking up at
the ceiling, his violet eyes bitter. “You dun haffta stick ‘round n’ take care
of me anymore... it’s not like I’m gonna ruin a mission or somet’ing...”

“No, but you’re going to ruin
yourself.” Heero let out with a deep sigh, picking up the wet cloth and
bringing it up to Duo’s haggard face. “You promised no more drinking.” He
muttered softly, and Duo could feel him trace a cool cloth over his sweaty
face, as Heero gently cleaned the traces of vomit off his chin.

Duo sighed and opened his
eyes, looking at Heero thoughtfully. “Why? Ya never used ta do this... we’re
ain’t soldiers anymore, so why..?”

Heero’s cool fingers brushed
a few damp bangs out of Duo’s eyes, as he looked down at him sternly. “Do you
really think that I want to be the Soldier forever, Duo?” He sighed and ran the
cloth over Duo’s forehead. “Wasn’t it you who said that we should start living?
Wasn’t it you who tried to get me to do so? Remember, after Libra, you said
that we could try again together. Best friends stick together... you made a
promise to me, Duo... remember?”

Duo sighed and looked away
sadly, violet eyes staring the floor. “Yeah...” He mumbled, slowly closing his
eyes. “A second chance...”

“Is this your second chance,
Duo? Is this what you want to do with your life?” H ask asked, his tone both
worried and harsh. “Is this how you want to live? If so, tell me and I’ll leave
you to your drinking. I don’t want to live like this, Duo.”

“Heero...” Duo whispered,
opening his eyes and turning to look up at his friend. “There’s no use... the
wars just keep coming back endlessly...” He sighed and looked down at his feet.
“Why bother..?”

“It shouldn’t matter. We’ll
win in the end.” Heero answered, slowly getting up. “You made a promise, Duo.”
Heero repeated, looking at Duo harshly. “Don’t throw away this second chance at
life.”

Duo closed his eyes sadly,
looking away in sh

“I’m going to the new L3
colony.” Heero spoke as he prepared to walk out of the room. He stopped at the
door, looking back at his friend. “I’m going to stop this endless cycle, with
or withyou.you. Maybe then you can start appreciating your life.”

“Heh, easy there, Heero.
You’re beginning to sound a little human here...” Duo muttered bitterly,
rubbing the bridge of his nose and wincing in pain. He looked up at Heero.
“You’re back to Soldier mode, remember?”

“Not forever, Duo.” Heero
answered seriously, his intense gaze looking down at his drunken friend.
“That’s also a promise.”

And with that, he left the
small room, leaving Duo behind.

The braided boy sighed
deeply, looking down thoughtfully at his hands. “A promise... huh?”

Duo gulped and his hand flew
up to cover his mouth. He whirled around and leaned over the toilet, coughing
and gagging.

The sounds of retching
returned to fill the silence of the motel room, and only the photo, that
smiling reflection of a time long gone, was a witness to Duo’s pain.

*   *   *

“Yu--Heero?” Wufei spoke
carefully as he entered the guest room, holding a tray of food in his hand. He
looked around the room, frowning as he saw a previous tray lying by the bed,
where he had left it a few hours ago. As always, the room was completely dark,
only the light from the door illumination the still figure in the bed. Heero
was lying curled within the sheets, his back facing the door. Sighing, Wufei
walked into the room and made his way towards the bed.

“Heero, I brought you some
dinner.” He informed the boy, settling the tray on the nightstand. He looked
down at the motionless figure, his frown deepening. “Heero, you have got to
eat.”

The boy on the bed remained
silent, and merely sighed, shifting a little on the bed, making the sheets
rustle.

“Heero...” Wufei restrained
himself from growling, feeling anger build up inside. He took a few deep
breaths to calm himself, knowing that getting angry with the boy would do him
little good. It’s been nearly three weeks since Duo had left Heero here, and as
time went by, Heero’s state of mind only worsened. He sunk deep into the webs
of depression, slowly losing all of his usual cheer and curious state of mind.
Nothing interested him any more, and he rarely even spoke. All he did was lie
in bed all day, brooding in his misery and self-pity.

Chang couldn’t really blame
the boy. Three weeks days seemed like an awful lot of time to someone in
Heero’s state. It seemed that the boy had lost his hope of ever seeing Duo
again, and he blamed himself for it. He didn’t say it, but it clearly showed.
Heero no longer believed in himself and his abilities. He had given up on even
trying. When barely a week ago he was still eager to learn as much as he could,
promising to show it all to Duo when the boy returned, now he dismissed the
thought of even attempting to do something. He had stopped asking questions and
inquiring about various things. He stopped trying to help Sally around the
house just so he could learn how to manage on his own. Even the documentaries
he loved to watch so much on the Discovery Channel meant nothing to him anymore.

It seemed that Heero Yuy had
lost his faith, in both Duo and himself.

It broke Wufei’s heart more
than it made him angry. He was furious at first, unable to forgive Heero for
giving up like that, and unable to forgive Duo for putting Heero through this.
They were both trying to escape their problems and it angered the Chinese man.

But he couldn’t blame them.
He understood what both were going through, and that only served to make him
angry with himself. Angry, for he didn’t know how to help his two friends. He
was no better than them in trying to avoid the issue.

“Heero,” Wufei let out
gently, sitting down at the edge of the bed, onyx eyes looking seriously down
at Heero. “You have to eat.”

Heero sighed deeply and
shifted a little, sheets rustling in the silence of the room. “. . . no. . .”

“Heero, you haven’t eaten in
two days. You have to eat. It’s not healthy.” Wufei tried again. “People have
to eat to keep alive.”

“Then I die.”

“Heero!” Wufei called,
surprised, his black eyes widening in shock. “Don’t you DARE say that again,
Yuy!”

Heero just shrugged, making
the sheets rustle again, the only sound in the darkness of the room for a long
time. “I don’t matter so much...” He mumbled, casting his gaze down
sorrowfully. He sighed and turned around to look at the Chinese man, his cobalt
eyes haunted. “No one smile when I alive anyway...”

“Heero...” The man let out,
having no idea what to say or do to comfort the suffering boy. Sally was much
better in this than him. “Heero, I... it’s just that, I mean...” He struggled
for words, but had nothing to say, really.

Silence fell over the room
and Wufei sighed, casting his gaze down sorrowfully.

Heero sniffled sadly,
breaking the silence. He took a deep breath, tearful blue eyes looking down at
his clenched hands as he spoke. “Why when Meiran does something, EVERYBODY is
happy, but when I do something they all sad?” He questioned weakly, his voice
faltering from tears. He sniffled, and then whirled around to look the other
way, his back facing Wufei again. “Nothing I do matters... I do EVERYTHING like
she does... I try harder and harder and harder, but no one smiles anyway. It
doesn’t matter...”

By now, Chang’s eyes were
welled up with tears, glistering under the soft sunshine. “Heero, it’s not
that...” He whispered, his voice compassionate.

“Just go away...” Heero
mumbled, pulling away.

“Heero...”

“Go away... leave me alone...
just go away...” The boy repeated sadly, folding into a fetal position and
inching closer to the edge of the bed. “Leave me alone...” He whispered,
closing his eyes sadly. “Leave me alone...”

Wufei opened his mouth to say
something, but found that there wasn’t anything he could say or do to help
right now. He really did feel bad for Heero, but he wasn’t the right person to
help. The only one who could help right now, was God-knows-where, and not where
he was supposed to be.

Clenching his jaw, Wufei
restrained himself from growling and his hands clenched into fists. “I’ll leave
you your dinner.” He spoke gently before leaving. “Please eat.” He pleased the
boy before finally closing the door behind him and cursing silently as he
walked away: “Damn you Maxwell...”

Inside the dark bedroom,
Heero sighed and drew his pillow closer for him, seeking its comfort. He buried
his face in the soft cushion, trying to hide the tears as he cried brokenly in
the darkness of the room. “Everything I do and I’m still stupid...” He
whispered miserable, tears leaking out of his sad blue eyes. He hugged the
pillow tighter, wishing with all his heart that it was Yoshi he was holding.
“...I didn’t mean to be stupid, Duo-chan... I... I didn’t mean to...”

*   *   *

Nothing but green fields were
around the deserted highway as it stretched over the terrain and vanished into
the horizon. The fields, rich green by day, were now a sea of blackness in the
death of the night. Not a star was in the skies; heavy rain clouds obscuring
the heavens, and not a ray of light illuminated the empty road. The low rumble
of thunder came from afar, and in the horizon the city light sparkled like a
beacon in the night.

In a middle of the empty and
bumpy road, lay an unconscious figure, sprawled on the cool asphalt. His
clothes, all black, were worn and shabby, his face haggard and unshaved. Heavy
bags hung under his eyes, and his long, chestnut, braid lay sprawled carelessly
on the road next to him. His hand lay on the road, at his head’s level, and
held within his limp fist was an empty bottle of tequila.

he fhe first drops of rain
descended from above, his heavy eyelids lifted and a pair of glazed-over violet
eyes blinked against the darkness. Groaning, Duo stirred uncomfortably, feeling
his head pound and his body throbbed painfully. He had probably fallen down on
the road and gave himself a nice set of scratches and bruises.

He was too weak to get up, so
he didn’t even bother to try. He just continued laying there, his gaze
unfocused as he stared ahead into the darkness.

How far did he run anyway? He
was probably miles out of town. He wasn’t sure he remembered when and where had
began running; he just knew that he needed to feel himself moving. He just
needed to get as far as he can from...

“Ch! Just look at yourself!”

Duo blinked, startled by the
voice. He forced his eyes to comek tok to focused, and blinked again as he saw
a pair of yellow-mustard shoes come into his line of vision.

“Gee, Heero, when are you
gonna get rid of those two blobs of mustard on your feet... huh?” He mumbled,
slowly lifting his gaze up. He was greeted with a pair of annoyed cobalt eyes,
glaring down at him. Heero was towering above him, his hands on his hips and
his scowl in place.

“You make me sick, Maxwell.”
The Japanese boy spoke in disgust.

Duo snorted and cast his gaze
down again. “Heh, shut up, Heero.”

“Hn. Not until you drag that
sorry ass of yours out of here.” The other boy snarled, crossing two hands over
his chest.

Duo rolled his eyes. “Great,
just what I need, lying in the gutter and being rebuked by an imaginary Heero
Yuy...” He sighed and closed his eyes. “Just leave me alone.”

“And get out of your way?”

“Ch. That’s my line,
buster. But I knew you were going to say that.” Duo muttered, his voice sleepy.
He sighed again. “Gosh, I know you so well, that I know everything you’re going
to say even before you do. Guess it makes this conversation kinda
predictable... but I should have expected that from an imaginary figure...” He
sniffled, tears gathering under his closed eyelids. “But... but there’s...
there are just so many things that I wanted to tell you...” He cried, berating
himself for getting all emotional, but he was unato sto stop the tears. “So
many things I wanted you to know... and... and now it’s too late... it’s too
late...”

“I’m not dead, Maxwell, so
don’t bury me yet.” Heero snarled, planting two hands on his hips and glaring
at the drunken boy.

But Duo continued crying,
weeping pathetically and mumbling things only he could understand.

Heero rolled his eyes. “Get a
hold of yourself, Maxwell.” He ordered sternly.

But the boy kept weeping. “Ya
know... I don’t even remember where I left the car...” He mumbled, sniffling
repeatedly. “I just ran and ran and ran... I don’t know where even... I just...
ran...”

Heero’s features softened and
he crouched down in front of Duo, pulling the empty bottle out of his grasp.
Sighing and shaking his head in disappointment, Heero tossed the bottle aside,
watching it as it shattered into a million pieces. The small shards of glass
scattered all over the road, as the rain soon covered them as well, the small
pieces glistering under the pale moonlight.

He turned back to Duo,
looking down at him compassionately. “Why running, Duo? What are you running
from? From me? From yourself? What?”

“I’m...” Duo mumbled, closing
his eyes and trying to calm his breathing. “I’m running from...” His fists
clenched and his grinded his teeth. “I’m running so I won’t fall in love with
him...”

“With me?”

“No, him.”

Heero sighed. “We’re the same
person, Duo.”

“I know. And it just isn’t
right...”

Silence fell between them as
more drops of rain fell down from above. The roar of thunder echoed thought the
deserted fields.

Sighing deeply, Heero sat
down beside his friend, who was still lying on his stomach, sprawled over the
wet asphalt. He looked down at him, his gaze serious, but his eyes thoughtful.
“Are you just going to lie here until a car runs you over?”

“That’s a thought...”

Heero snorted and looked
away. “I thought you were better than this, Duo.”

“Fuck off, Heero.”

Again the silence, and Heero
reached down to take hold of Duo’s water-soaked braid, playing with the soft
strings at the tip, running them between his fingers. He kept his gaze down at
his little game, not looking at Duo. “So you’ve given up?”

Keeping his eyes closed, Duo
nodded ever so slightly. “I can’t love you anymore. Not like this, anyway.”

Heero sighed and let go of
the braid. He turned to look down at Duo, cobalt eyes dark and serious. “So
it’s goodbye then.”

Duo sighed and turned his
head the other way, not wanting Heero to see the tears that slid down his
cheeks.

“You’re a coward, Maxwell.”
Heero stated, getting up. He looked down at Duo, his gaze accusing. “A good
soldier never leaves a man behind.”

Duo chuckled bitterly and
rolled his eyes. “It’s not the war anymore, Heero.”

The glare intensified. “Then
you don’t leave the ones you love.”

“I can’t love you that way
anymore...”

“But do you still love me?”
Heero asked, crouching down in front of Duo again.

Duo opened his eyes slowly,
looking intensely up at Heero. The two boys looked at each other for the
longest of time, until Duo finally broke eye contact and closed his eyes. He
sighed deeply. “You know I do.”

Heero’s lips lifted up in a
small smile. He leaned down and bestowed a gentle kiss on Duo’s damp forehead.
He then turned his head so he was whispering in Duo’s ear: “So get a move on,
Maxwell.”

Violet eyes snapped wide open. Then, as the haze
in them evaporated, Duo suddenly jumped to his feet, quick as lightning.
Without
looking back, without any second thoughts, he beganninnning down the highway.

The only thing that was left
behind him was an empty bottle of tequila, lying in pieces on the wet asphalt
road.

*   *   *

“...This one looks nice, it
has a big lake next to the dorms and everything...” Sally commented, pointing
down at a colorful brochure,
an information booklet of a Special Care Institute. She and Chang were sitting
in the dinning room, about a dozen of these booklets sprawled in front of them.
They went through them in silence; the only light in the house was the one over
the dining table. A dark and ominous atmosphere hung in the air, as if
something as forbidden as occultism was being preformed.

“Look at this one,” Wufei said quietlyowinowing another
pamphlet to his wife. “It looks rather good, and in a fair price range.”

Sally sighed as she read over the said pamphlet. “It’s not
the price we’re after. And besides, it’s too far away from here.” She put the
booklet away and offered Chang another one. “How about this one? It’s run by
Doctor Shelly Osborn. We weremed med school together, she’s one of the best in
the field.”

Wufei took the booklet from his wife and studied it with a
frown. “Looks kind of expensive... but... it’s the best so far.” He looked up
at Sally. “Should we make the call?”

The young woman sighed and looked away. “I don’t know...”

The heavy silence returned as both husband and wife sunk
into their brooding, staring into nothing but thin air. Since it was late at
night, the house was awfully quiet, for both Meiran and Heero were asleep. They
lived in a quiet suburb, and no noise from the street was there to cut the
unbearable silence.

A car could be heard passing by, and then stop, probably
one of the neighbors coming back home. It was so quiet, that they could
actually hear the door being opened and then slammed shut. Sally looked up with
a frown as she heard the car drive away again, but she dismissed it as
unimportant and looked down at the pamphlet. She sighed and took it in her
hand, her eyes looking down at the phone number.

“I’ll call in the morning.” She said with a sigh, looking
up sadly at her husband. “There’s not much point in    postponing it any longer.”

font-family:Verdana'>Wufei sighed. “I agree. I’ll drive up there tomorrow to
check the place ou--”

BAM!!!!!

The front door was swung wide open, crashing against the
wall with a loud sound. Both husband and wife jumped up in their seats and
whirled around, eyes wide.

Duo Maxwell had just stormed into their house, looking
like Hell came over.

Sharp violet eyes stared right at them, their gaze
penetrating and keen like a sharp and shiny dagger. He was still holding the
door with one hand, his other hand curled into a tight fist. He was png
ng
hard, as if he had just run a marathon. His black clothes were a little torn
and dirty, shabby looking, like he didn’t change them for days. His hair was in
no better shape, messy strings of chestnut hair sticking out in every
direction, his braid nearly fallen apart. His face was pale and sweaty, looking
quite worn and haggard.

Sally and Chang blinked, still a little shocked by the
sight. Neither could think of what to say, and for a few long moments the only
sound to be heard was Duo's harsh panting.

“...Hee... Heero...” The boy finally managed to breathe
out, completely out of breath. “...where?”

“D-Duo...” Sally stuttered, slowly getting up. “How...
wh-why... you...” She began as she slowly approached him, her gaze still
confused. But after the shock quickly cleared away, her stunned features became
angered and she glared at the boy. “What makes you think I’m going to let you
see him!?” She demanded angrily, coming to stand in front of the boy, looking
him down with her angry blue eyes. “I should slap you for what you did!” She
shouted, raising her hand up to do as she just promised.

Duo’s hand stopped her before she could do so. He closed
his fist around her wrist, glaring up at her with his intense violet eyes.

“Maxwell!” Wufei called harshly, getting up quickly.

Duo’s eyes continued to look up at her sternly as he
slowly released her wrist. “You can yell at me all you want later.” He hissed,
nearly growling. “Right now, I want to see Heero.” With that said, he quickly
pushed past her and made his way to the guest room.

“Wha...” Sally let out, taken ab She She slowly turned
around to look at Duo’s retreating form, her mouth hanging open in shock. She
turned to look at her husband, who was equally confused. He could offer her
nothing but a shaking of his head and a quiet mutter of curses.

Sally sighed and shook her head as well, looking down at
the pamphlets scattered on the dinning table. “Well, I guess these are not of
any use now...”

*  
*   *

He entered the room silently, opening the door slowly and
then carefully closing it behind him. He took a deep breath before turning to
face away from the door, and frowned when he registered that the room was
completely dark. His violet eyes narrowing, Duo took a few steps into the room,
waiting for his vision to adjust to the dim moonlight that filtered through the
drapes.

“Heero?” He whispered, his voice so hoarse, that even he
recognized it. He had run for miles down the empty highway, his breath frantic,
hurting his lungs and throat. He must have run for a few good hours before he
decided to try and hitch a ride. Of course, no one wanted to deal with a
homeless looking drunk like himself, but after waving, shouting, cursing and
threatening to kill a few drivers, Duo got himself a ride. He was still
breathless when he arrived here, his body was sore and his head throbbing
painfully, but it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter because he was here to see
Heero. A real, alive, flesh and blood Heero.

Duo took another shaky step forward, and tried again.
“Heero?”

He could hear sheets rustle, and he turned in the
direction of the sound. Someone moaned silently in the darkness of the room and
Duo’s heart fluttered at the soft sound. How he missed that voice!

“Heero.” Duo whispered, feeling his way towards the bed,
fingers brushing against the warm and tangled sheets.

font-family:Verdana'>“I’m... not hungry...” A tired voice whispered, sounding
so wretched and miserable, that it made Duo’s heart bleed.

“That’s good, cuz I didn’t bring ya any food.” Duo joked,
chuckling bitterly.

“Duo-chan?” Heero’s sleepy voice called in bewilderment,
and the boy quickly turned in his bed. His cobalt eyes widened like giant
saucers when he saw the figure sitting on the edge of his bed, looking down at
him warmly.

Duo smiled apologetically at the boy, his eyes shimmering
with unshed tears.

Unable to pronounce any words to describe what he was
feeling, Heero just gaped at Duo, his blue eyes filling with hot tears. The fat
droplets were soon sliding down his cheeks, as the boy’s breathing became a
little irregular, for he was close to crying. He just continued looking up at
Duo, his lower lips trembling and his eyes glistering in the moonlight.

Duo took a deep breath, tried desperately to compose
himself. He reached down a hand and slowly wiped Heero’s tears away. “Heh, I
should have at least brought you a souvenir or something, huh?” He whispered,
gently caressing Heero’s soft cheek. “Not that you’d like that cheap stuff
anyway, but still... it would have been the thoughtful thing to do...” He
babbled on, feeling uncomfortable with Heero’s silence.

He gasped when he felt Heero’s trembling arm slowly coming
up, his long and slim fingers cautiously touching the hand that was caressing
him, as if making sure it was really there.

He smiled down at the boy. “Yeah, it’s me.” He whispered,
now running his hand through Heero’s thick brown hair, down to his cheeks,
nose, lips, neck, ears, everything. All he needed right now was to feel the
softness of the silken skin, the warmth of the tender flesh... to feel Heero.
His Heero.

“D-Duo-ch-chan...” The boy mumbled again, his voice merely
a careful whisper, full of doubt and tears. “You came back...”

“I said that I would.” Duo whispered back, leaning down to
kiss the boy’s forehead.

But Heero turned his head away, looking up at Duo with his
expressive blue eyes. “I thought... I thought maybe you forgot, or... or you
didn’t want to anymore...” He mumbled sadly, looking away and sniffling. “I
thought maybe you’re smiling without me...”

Duo’s heart clenched painfully at the heartbroken voice.
He took a deep, shaky, breath, and then gently cupped Heero’s chin in his palm.
Slowly, carefully, he turned Heero so they were facing eye to eye again, blue
and violet shimmering in the darkness of the room.

“But I couldn’t smile, Heero.” Duo whispered brokenly,
tears sliding down his cheeks. “I couldn’t smile without you, Hee-chan.” He
confessed, his fingers gently caressing Heero’s trembling lips. He looked
deeply into the eyes of the boy, and despite the tears, he let himself smile.
“You’re my smile, Heero. It’s you who give me a reason to smile.”

Heero’s cobalt blue eyes widened in shock, and a small
whimper escaped the boy’s lips. “Ho-hontou?” He asked, his voice faltering. “I
can make you smile?”

Duo nodded, his smile broadening. “Yes, Heero, you can. I
was just too messed up to realize it. I can’t smile without you, Heero. You’re
my light, my life, my smile, my everything! When you’re not with me, it’s like
all the lights are out in my head. Like nothing matters anymore. That’s why I
need you, Heero. I’ve ALWAYS needed you to be my light. That’s why I fought for
your friendship, that’s why I wanted to be with you after the war was over...
That’s why I searched for you when you disappeared, and why I want you with me
now, and forever.”

Heero smiled slightly, his eyes sparkling as the light
returned to the depths of those swirling blue oceans.

Duo sighed and took a deep breath, taking his time before
speaking up again. He looked down into Heero’s midnight blue eyes, and smiled
sadly. “It took me a long time to realize this, Hee-chan. Too long. But I
hope... I hope that you will still want to be my light after all I made you go
through... I know that saying sorry is not enough, but... but I really am sorry
for leaving you like this.” Holding Heero’s gaze in his, Duo lifted up his hand
and offered up his little finger. “Friends?”

For a long time, all Heero did was look up at Duo with his
incredibly blue eyes. He looked deeply into Duo’s regretful violet eyes. After
a few endless moments, he shifted his gaze down to look at the pinky offered to
him.

And then, for the first time in weeks, Heero’s lips lifted
up in a genuinely happy smiled. He lifted his finger up as well and wrapped it
around Duo’s. Blue eyes sparkling with tears and joy, Heero looked up at Duo
and nodded his head. “Hai. Friends.”

Relieved, Duo could do nothing but chuckle, or whimper
more like it, as his smile grew into a small grin. He sniffled loudly and wiped
the tears with his dirty sleeve, overwhelmed by the feeling in his heart. He
couldn’t stop the tears, or the sobs, and he began to cry, right here and
there, in front of a very stunned Heero. He kept mumbling a million and one
incoherent apologies, begging for Heero’s forgiveness and murmuring promises of
a better future. His sobs increased as he felt the bed shift, and Heero’s long
and warm arms wrapped themselves around him, pulling him into a soft embrace.

He whimpered and drew Heero closer, leaning his head down
on the top of the boy’s head, as Heero rested his head on Duo’s shoulder. They
remained seated like that, embraced tightly in each other’s arms until the sobs
subsided.

When the tears dried, they still didn’t move, refusing to
relinquish their hold on the warm confort they had found. They sat in silence
for some time, until Heero moved his head up so he could look at Duo’s face.

“Duo-chan?” He whispered, his voice small and a little
uncertain.

“Yeah, Heero?” Duo whispered back, sniffling.

“I learned a lot of new words.”

Duo chuckled, kissing Heero’s sweet hair. “Yeah, really? I’ll
be glad to hear them.”

Heero smiled and nuzzled his head in the crook between
Duo’s neck and shoulder. “I learned... I learned a lot of new things...” He
continued, his voice sleepy. He reached up a hand to rub his eyes tiredly, and
yawned.

“Yeah, like what?” Duo inquired with interest, carefully
guiding them both so they were lying down, still embraced in each other’s arms.

Heero sighed pleasantly, nestling himself into the warm
covers, and snuggling into Duo’s warm body. “I know... to tie my shoes...” He
mumbled tiredly, closing his eyes. “And... and to wash the plates...” He added
numbly, inching closer to Duo’s warm body. He sighed and smiled in content.
“And... and I know how to make food...” Heero continued with a small yawn.

“Yeah? Cool. We finally have someone who knows how to
cook.” Duo answered teasingly, and then yawned as well. “At least Sally will be
off my back...” He mumbled as he reached for the blanket to cover both of them.
He drew Heero closer and sighed pleasantly at the nice feeling of Heero’s body
snuggled against his, one hand holding his shirt and the other thrown casually
around his waist. Heero’s head was tucked right beneath his chin, and he could
feel the boy’s light and steady breathing against his chest. He closed his eyes
and pulled Heero closer, smiling as he looked down at the boy’s serene face. He
was deep asleep, his features relaxed and content, and he had the sweetest of
smiles touching his lips.

Duo smiled back at his angel and leaned down to kiss his
forehead. “Goodnight, Heero.” He whispered softly, petting Heero’s soft hair.
“Sleep tight. Don’t let the bed bugs bite...”

And with that, Duo rested his head on the pillow and
allowed his body and mind to finally relax. He was asleep in no time, Heero in
his arms and a smile on his lips. 

*  
*   *

“Ch! Look at him, he’ll get the bed all dirty.” Wufei
snorted, crossing his hands over his chest. Sally and he were standing at the
doorway to the guest room, looking at the two figures lying cuddled on the bed.
“And don’t get me started about how I should explain this to Meiran when she
walks downstairs and see those two all snuggled up!”

Sally chuckled and shook her head. “Don’t worry, Chang.
We’ll just add it to the list of things we have to shout at Duo...” She let out
in amusement, shaking her head as she closed the door. “For now, let’s just
leave those two alone. We’ll yell at Duo in the morning.”

“Ch. Damn straight we will!” Wufei grunted, rolling his
eyes. He followed his wife back into the living room, sending a last look at
the guest room’s door. His gaze slowly softened and he sighed, shaking his
head. “It’s good to see you back, Maxwell.”

href="born7.html">Part 6.

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