Isn't life just a kick in the crotch

Chapter 6

David took a deep breath of the fresh forest air. 'God, it was good to get out of the car. I can't believe it almost took us two hours to get here! Damn, it was ages ago since the last time we went hiking. Adult life kind of sneaked up on us,' David thought as he stretched out the stiff muscles in his back. Ignoring his two friends, who were once again laughing over god knows what, he spread the map out over the hood of the car.

'Let's see... We haven't been to this part of the forest before. A lot more mountain paths then we’re used to. That should probably be fun. It's going to be tough, since we’re all a bit out of shape. It’s been far too long since we did this.' David glanced up at his friends, who seemed to be fighting over the last jelly worm.

I admit that I was a bit worried when Duo called. Not by the phone call itself, but by Duo's reaction when I said that I didn't have time. That “maybe we could go hiking in a few weeks or maybe even the next month?” Duo hadn't said it straight out, but he had said that Wufei had been stuck in his studio for too long, and needed some air. This, in translation, meant ‘I’m worried out of my mind, and I need help getting Wufei back on track!'

We all knew that Wufei had a rough time every now and then. It's not really a secret. But as far as I knew, Wufei had been doing fine for years, and before that, Duo was always able to pull him through... I wonder what could have set him off? I thought about asking Duo, but that was before I saw them interact with each other. Or should I say not interact with each other? Whatever it was that had put Wufei down, Duo had had something to do with it. I've never seen them like that, not towards each other, anyway. They have always been more or less attached at the hip. Where one went, the other followed. I mean, for god’s sake, if they spent any longer time together they would end up finishing each other’s sentences. How the -hell- those two made it through college without each other is a mystery. As far as I knew, they had never been angry, or even reserved or distant towards each other since they where like five years old, or something! They have always been inseparable.

But this morning when I picked them up... it was like they where avoiding each other, even though they were only standing a few feet apart. They hardly looked at one another! It didn't seem like they had been in a fight and were angry with each other. The feeling was more... awkward, than anything else. They had relaxed at bit when we got the music and the candy flowing, but there was still something missing. They weren't throwing insults, or swapping memories and inside jokes like they usually do. They had like this tension between them. Like a glass wall, or something. Shit, listen to me, Mr.-Deep-Thinker, contemplating his friends’ feelings and glass walls! Yeah, whatever. Bottom line was that something was wrong, and they were pretending that everything was fine.

But then there was that -thing- in the car, when they started to laugh hysterically over god knows what. Something about Duo being a sissy over his broken nail. I didn't get it, but on the other hand, those two have so many inside jokes that it’s a wonder you can understand them at all! After that, they went back to normal, and all that tension just disappeared. It's not like I'm surprised. The world will stop turning before the two of them stop being friends. My guess is that Duo said something that made Wufei relapse into that depression shit. Duo does have the ability to speak before he thinks, but, on the other hand, Wufei had never held that against him before. What ever it was it had to be pretty big to have them acting like that.

Well, I'm not one to stick my nose into other people’s business. If they want to tell me what was up, they will. Duo did say something about 'explain later', he just didn't say how much later. Never mind. It's time to get this show on the road.

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David shouldered his backpack and turned back to his friends, who were once again picking on each other.

“Hey, are you two ladies ready to go?”

“Yeah, just let me adjust the straps on this thing,” Wufei said, and gesticulated towards his backpack on the ground.

Wufei had been looking forward to this hike. He had even gotten himself a new backpack. Not that there had been anything wrong with the old one, but it did look like the bag version of Frankenstein's monster, because of all the repairs done on it. The new one had cost him a small fortune, but it was worth it. Ergonomically shaped, with weight reliving strays all over. It was the god of backpacks. Now, if he could just figure out how he should adjust it…

Behind his back, Duo nudged David on the arm with a wink, before nonchalantly asking, “Hey Wu, did you bring the matches this time?” Wufei glared at his two friends, who started laughing.

“I only did that once! Shit, you guys are never going to let me live that down, are you?”

David slapped him on the back. “Of course not. We have to get our revenge out somehow.”

“Yeah, cold beans, cold soup, no coffee. You're lucky to be alive, ‘Fei!” Duo laughed, and ruffled the shorter man’s hair.

Wufei slapped the hand away, and ran his fingers through his long hair to get it out of his eyes.

“Fuck off. You could have brought some too!”

Duo snickered. “Yeah, but you were the one responsible for the food.”

Wufei grumbled in faked annoyance, but in reality he was relived to have his friend back to normal. He couldn't stand any more of that stained feeling that had been between them. Not having Duo in his life was unacceptable. He once again found himself wondering if it had been worth it.

Yes, it was. Dating Duo had been fun, and he was probably going to miss the closeness they had shared. He really wished that things had ended up differently... But no, this was now. This was real, and this was good. No reason to dwell on the past. He hitched his backpack up and closed all the buckles. He was ready to go.

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The three friends had been walking for several hours now. They hadn't met any other hikers, only a couple of foxes, and seen the shape of what had probably been a deer. The air was cool and fresh, and it made you want to just stop and breathe. The forest they were walking through was healthy and thick, filled with ferns, thick green moss and young trees. It was a bit cloudy now, which was a blessing because it had been far too hot to walk with the sun on their backs. The track was steadily leaning upwards, and had more and more big rocks sticking out of it, which indicated that they were getting closer to the mountain path. The dirt track was narrow, dotted with rocks. Every now and then, they would encounter a patch of loose pebbles and dust, making them fight for purchase on the treacherously ground. The low hanging branches kept slapping Davis and Duo in the face while Wufei walked under them with a smirk.

David, who was walking up front, suddenly stopped abruptly, almost making Wufei bump into him. Duo, on the other hand, who hadn't been paying attention, walked straight into the smaller man. The motion made both of them lose their footing, and they ended up in a heap on the narrow path. Swearing loudly, Wufei managed to get to his feet and tried to help his friend, who was lying like an overturned turtle on his back.

“What the fuck, David! Give a guy some warning before you do that!” Duo exclaimed, as he struggled his way up again. But David didn't pay him any mind as he said, “Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't it just start to rain?”

Both his friends froze before raising their heads towards the sky.

A drop of water hit Duo on the forehead. “No way! It was supposed to be sunny all weekend.”

David shook his head. “Well, it's not. Come on, we have to find somewhere to put the tent up.”

The rain started out as just a drizzle, but it was soon turning into a pure downpour. The surrounding ground was too steep to put the tent up, and they were getting desperate. Water was pouring down the hill, turning their path into a shallow stream. The mud was either making their boots stick to the ground, or making them slip. Duo took a hold of Wufei's arm, and helped him up from where he had fallen to his knees in the sticky, brown mess. Giving a quick thanks and a smile to his friend, who was starting to resemble a drowned cat, Wufei wiped the rain water out of his eyes and started walking again. It felt like they had been walking in the rain forever. Like they were never going to find a flat area. Like they were stuck in a strange nightmare, or maybe a Stephen King novel. It certainly was a fitting scenario, with the heavy rain that was beating down on them. But then David suddenly stopped again. Only this time, no one was even close to walking into each other. They were walking far to slowly for that. “There!” he exclaimed, and pointed at a small glade a few meters into the woods. “We're saved! Come on, let's get the tent up.

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'Now, this is going to take a while,' Wufei thought, as he stood in the pouring rain with mud up to his ankles, a couple of tent pegs in one hand, and the other hand holding the edge of the outer canvas up as high as he could. He and David were trying to use the waterproof outer tent as an umbrella to the lighter inner tent, to make sure it stayed as dry as possible. Duo was crawling around, trying to fasten all of the inner tent's pegs into the wet ground. Water was gathering in the middle of their temporary roof, and Wufei could feel his arm start to cramp. 'Shit, I need my other hand. I'm going to have to drop the pegs into the mud,' he thought. 'It's going to be hell to find them later.' The metal pegs landed with a splash into the brown sludge by Wufei's feet, as he did his best to hold the cover up over the inner tent.

“Right, just a little more!” Duo shouted over sound of the rain. “There, that was the last one. Put it on.”

Maneuvering the canvas around, they set out to insert the stakes and set up the guy ropes. This was a task that was complicated enough on a good day, but in the pouring rain, with wet mud, tree roots and rocks all over the place, it was almost impossible. Wufei couldn't help but laugh at the whole thing, especially when Duo stumbled on a tent peg that he had put there himself just seconds ago, and ended up on his ass in the mud. The braided man grinned like a loon, and stuck his tongue out in response to Wufei's laughter. It felt like an eternity, but they finally managed to get the tent to stand somewhat straight and stable. They had lost several pegs, but none of them could find it in themselves to care. Getting their bags from underneath a spruce, they crawled into the tent. Shivering, they all hurried to get their soaking wet clothes off and get into some dry ones.

“Shit!” Wufei suddenly exclaimed in horror, and started ripping everything out of his backpack. His friends stared at him in wonder.

Duo was the first to voice his concern. “What?”

“I don't believe this! The fucking backpack isn't waterproof!” The Asian man groaned in despair as his hand found what he had been most afraid of to find.

“Are you serious?” David asked in disbelief.

“Yeah, I can pretty much wrench water out of my god damned sleeping bag!” Wufei replied, as he pulled out said sleeping bag.

“No way.” Duo stretched out to feel the material.

“Tough luck buddy. Never trust the new shit,” David said, and patted his ancient looking backpack lovingly.

Wufei groaned again as he examined the dripping bag. It was soaking wet. There was no way he could sleep in it. He managed to resist the urge to throw it out of the tent.

“You can share with me... if you want,” a nervous looking Duo said, and looked down on his hair. He had released it from the braid, and was now trying to dry it as much as he could with a small towel.

Wufei stiffed briefly at the thought of lying so close to his gay friend. But then he mentally slapped himself. What the fuck was he thinking? This wasn't his gay friend. This was his -best- friend. He was being ridiculous. 'No wonder Duo put a stop to it if I can't even lie next to him.'

“Yeah, thanks,” he said, trying not to sound as uncomfortable as he felt. With a quick search through the bottom of his bag, he managed to find a pair of dry jeans and an only slightly damp t-shirt. As he changed, he watched Duo climb into his- no, their sleeping bag. 'God, this is going to awkward,' the Chinese man thought. He crawled on all fours over to his friend and climbed in.

Wufei had been right, because what followed could only be described as awkward. Very awkward. Both of them were twisting around, trying not to touch each other in the tight bag. Legs and arms were snatched away every time they brushed against each other.

“Comfortable, Chang?” David said with a snicker, as he watched his two friends find a somewhat good sleeping arrangement as far away from each other as possible in the limited space.

“Yes, thank you David. How nice of you to ask,” Wufei said with glare over his shoulder, before turning back to his twitching friend. “Duo, for god’s sake be still. Fuck this. Lie on your side turned toward me. I'm not sleeping with your wet hair in my face... Good, now put your right arm up so I can slide in... good. Move your left leg over my right one. Good.”

“Is there anything else I can do for you, General Chang?”

Wufei looked up, and into Duo's amused face. “Ha-ha. Yeah, you can take your watch off because it’s digging into my side.”

“Oops,” the long haired man said, and smiled sheepishly as he did as he was told.

Wufei was fully aware that this night was going to be hell for the both of them. He decided that the only way that he was going to get some sleep was if he ignored that their groins were lined up, and that they were practically lying on top of each other. He couldn't even imagine how awkward Duo must be feeling. David, on the other hand had no problems whatsoever, and was asleep after just a few seconds, which he made very obvious.

Duo sighed. “I think I repressed the memory of this part of the hiking. Trying to sleep with David's snoring as a soundtrack.”

Wufei snickered. “Yeah, me too. Did we ever find out a way to make him stop?”

“I think kicking him worked for a while.”

“Maybe we should try... we might be able to fall asleep before he starts up again.”

Duo smiled down at him. “We can try... you're closest.”

“How did I know you were going to say that? Lazy bastard,” Wufei mumbled and un-zipped the bag enough to get his leg out. A sock covered foot connected with their sleeping friend's legs. Without result.

“Try again,” Duo urged.

Wufei kicked again, a bit harder this time. David mumbled something undecipherable and rolled over on to his stomach. The snoring stopped.

The taller man grinned. “Wicked! It worked.”

“Shh, quiet, you'll end up waking him.”

“Right... it looks like he's going to slip off his mattress,” Duo said as he peered over the edge of his friend’s t-shirt covered shoulder.

Wufei snorted in a way that clearly stated that he couldn't care less. “He'll be fine. Now let's go to sleep before he starts up again.”

Wufei zipped up the sleeping bag again, and tried to make himself comfortable. But sleep refused to come. Instead he found himself staring at Duo's t-shirt covered chest in front of him.

“Since when are you a hockey fan?” He found himself asking.

“What?”

Wufei poked him in the ribs and Duo looked down on the NHL logo on his chest.

“Oh, it's not mine. It's Kevin's.”

“Oh.” There was a moment of strained silence before the shorter man cleared his throat, and asked what he had wanted to know since he had first seen the two of them together on Duo's couch. “So, when did you meet?”

“Kevin? Ages ago. We used to play football together when we were like ten or something.”

“So how did you...?” Wufei trailed of but Duo could guess what it was he was asking for.

“Well, we weren't really friends at first, but we meet on this website for gay men a few years ago, and started talking. He kind of looked me up when he came back to town for the summer... It's just nice not to be the only gay guy in town.”

Wufei frowned. “There can't be just two of you in the entire town. That’s statistically impossible, you can't-.”

Duo cut him of with a punch to his shoulder.

“Fucking geek. You are not turning this into a math problem. I'm kicking you out of this bag if you even think about finishing that sentence.”

Wufei just rolled his eyes. “I'm just saying that research findings state that 10 % of all humans are ether homosexual or bisexual. So, out of the seven thousand people in and around town, there should be at least seven hundred that are gay. And the research I've read showed that there are not as many lesbians as gay men. So if we assume that 50% out of seven thousand are females, there should be at leas-”

“Stop, for god sakes stop!” Duo begged and slapped a hand over his eyes.

“What? It's very logical. Out of seven hundred gay people, there should be about 30%-”

“That's it. I'm kicking you out. You can sleep out in the cold.” Duo did a big show out of making a grab for the zipper.

“Fine, whatever. I'm quiet.” Wufei rolled his eyes again. “...So there you were, the only two gay people out of seven thousand...”

Duo punched him again. “Shut up. The only two that I know of. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“So, we were the only two gay men -that I knew of- in town, and we started seeing each other about once a week.”

“Seeing, as in -seeing-?”

“No, we're just friends.”

“...”

Duo looked embarrassed and scratched his bristle covered chin. “Yeah well, with the exception of that time... It was no big deal. I was just lonely and a bit drunk. It's called pity-fuck for a reason, you know.”

“But you're dating now.”

Duo looked away and refused to meet his eyes. “... not really.”

That gave Wufei a bit of a startle. He admitted that he hadn't been all that attentive or even supportive of his friend's relationship, but he had gotten the impression that they were doing fine together. “...you're not?”

Duo still refused to look at him as he nervously moved pieces of hair away from his face. “No, we're just friends...”

“Oh...”

They went quiet after that. The rain was still falling and David’s snores were beginning to start up again.

“Duo...Why didn't you tell me you were gay?” Wufei almost flinched at the sound of his own voice. Could he possibly sound more like a needy loser? He knew he shouldn't have asked, the question would only rip up old wounds. But he couldn't help himself. He wanted to know. Why? Why? Why? The question had been going round and round in his head since the second Duo had told him that he was gay. Why hadn't Duo told him? Was it something he had done? Didn’t he trust him? Could he have done something differently? Had they drifted apart that much? If he hadn't walked in on him and Kevin, would Wufei ever have found out the truth? Why? He wanted to know. He needed to know.

Duo took a deep breath. “I-” He started, only to cut himself off. Wufei decided that he really shouldn't pressure his friend any more then he already had, so he stayed quiet. 'He probably needs to think it through,' he thought, and resisted the urge to yawn.

The sleeping bag was warm, and the air mattress was surprisingly comfortable. Despite the tense atmosphere, Wufei found himself drifting off. The light rain hitting the tent was almost hypnotic; it felt like a strange sort of lullaby. Drip, drip, drip. They were breathing in sync. In and out, in and out. Slow, even breaths. Slow. So slow. Wufei spared a stray thought that it was a good thing that he was a bit shorter. None of them had brushed their teeth... and breathing into each other’s faces wouldn't be all that... fresh. He could feel the texture of Duo's t-shirt against his forehead. It was old, worn and soft against his skin. Wufei yawned. There was no reason to move. He was so tired. All that walking, then the rain and the stress. Then the bag... Wufei shifted his arm around a bit, so he wouldn't stop the blood flow to it. His fingers were brushing against the soft skin on the inside of Duo's elbow. Smooth skin. This was a nice sleeping bag. Warm and soft. It even smelled nice. Way better then his own. The one in the worthless 'waterproof' bag. Like a sponge. Wasn't supposed to rain. But it did. It does. Rain. Nice with rain. Sounds nice. Against the tent. Rain...

Wufei was sleeping. No, just drifting. Or was he sleeping? It was hard to tell. Someone was whispering. Something. Lips were moving against his hair. Soft spoken sounds drifting by. Sounds that became words, that became sentences with a meaning. A meaning that obviously was not meant to be heard.

“-and then I finally could admit it to myself... I thought I was over you. I really did... But then I saw you again. You were so beautiful, and I just knew that I would never be over you.” The whispers trailed off, and the rain and David's snores that had started up once again, were soon the only things that could be heard. Wufei didn't know if he should announce his waken state or not. But if he did, Duo would be embarrassed. He obviously had something that he wanted to say, even if no-one was listening. No, because no one was listening. He should say something. Pretend that he was just waking up or something. But he was selfish. He wanted to hear what Duo had to say, what he obviously would never tell him to his face. So he stayed quiet, and hoped that he would find out the answer to 'why'. Silence dragged on. Wufei had almost drifted off again when Duo's low words were once again spoken into his hair.

“At first I was grateful to you for trying. That I meant so much to you, that you would try to-... to change for me.” He swallowed thickly before he once again started to whisper, but this time the sound was harsher. Broken. Almost bitter. “But then I started to hate you. That you dared to lead me on. Let me feel all those things that I had kept locked up for years. You let me hold you. Kiss you. Love you like I always wanted. Let me think that it could work out. Make hope grow and grow until it was all I could think about. All I dreamed about. Every second of every -fucking- day I thought about you. About us...” Duo was now breathing deeply into his hair and something wet landed on Wufei's temple. Tears. The knowledge spread like ice through his body and Wufei was now wide awake. He didn't want to know this. He didn't want this to be real. He didn't want Duo to sound so lost and broken. Didn't want to know that he was the cause of it.

“Only to have reality rubbed in my face. That you were never mine. That I could never have you. That you would never love me like I wanted you to. That hurt.” He gave a low, hollow laugh, before hissing out words in a harsh, resentful voice that Wufei never thought could come out his otherwise cheerful friend. Wufei had to stop himself from wriggling at the sound. “I have no words for how much that hurt. Nothing has ever hurt that much. Realizing that you were straight and would never look at me like you looked at some random girl on the street didn't hurt that much. Watching you make out with Sara Gibbons when you two got together didn't hurt that much. Nether did being forced to listen to your moans through the wall as you lost your virginity to Jenny -fucking- Davis. Hell, walking in on Sean having sex with our next door neighbor in our bed didn’t even come close to how that made me feel.” Duo stopped, and all was quiet again with the exception of the raindrops hitting the tent and David's even snores. The tear on Wufei's temple was slowly, oh so slowly trickling down over his face. Over the soft skin beneath his eye, following the line of his nose down towards his lips. Its wet trail burned like fire.

He felt Duo take a deep breath before once again whispering the truth into Wufei's hair.
“It didn't take long before I realized that I was lying to myself... I could never hate you. I could hate the situation. I could hate the way I felt. I could hate just about everything... I could hate myself, but not you. Never you...” The whispers became even lower, like he was telling a forbidden secret, and Wufei had to strain his hearing to make out the words. “I knew it wouldn't work. I knew it from the beginning. I just ignored it. I shouldn't have agreed. It's all my fault. You were just trying to help, and I let you believe that you could. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for this tension between us. I'm sorry for making you feel so bad that you had to isolate yourself in your studio. I'm sorry for almost destroying our friendship. I'm sorry for not telling you sooner. I should have trusted you. I shouldn't have been such a coward. I tried to tell you so many times. I tried. Believe me Fei, I tried... I should have told you. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry... I'm sorry for loving you.” With that he pressed dry lips to the Chinese man's forehead before relaxing into the mattress, slowing down his breathing and after what felt like hours, let sleep claim him. Leaving Wufei wide awake, alone with his thoughts and the taste of salt on his lips.

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I would like to take a second to thank everyone that offered to help me with this story. These people really makes you believe that there are nice people out there on the Internet. (And they might be very sorry that they volunteered, because suddenly they are going to get emails with "Hey, remember me? I have some pointless shit here for you" *evil laughter*)

Phonenixfirekitsune

Trinity Tomoe

Halas

Kycki kiss

Stratagirl - (I'm sorry that the chapter wasn't as sweet and fluffy as you wanted it, but I promise you that it's coming very soon)

IamMidnite

Shenkai

But there is more. These are the wonderful people that took on my other stories that I had lying around. Without them these stories would probably never have been posted.

SakuyasittleBird - who takes care of “The siren call of the braid in the middle row.”

Persephone Choseui - who takes care of “Challenge the dragon.”

Eternal Spark - who is helping me bounce ideas for the future story “Normal people scare me.” (I'm sooo not going to wright on this story until at least two of my other stories are done. I put of studying far too much as it is.)

And finally, there is Reikoyazumi who is the beta of this story. Many, many thanks to you. (And for those who haven't, check out her Wufei/Duo story "Hard To Say")

And thank you very much to all of you that reviewed. You have helped me more then you can possibly know.