To Understand Love

Here is an update after two months of not publishing a new one. I’m sorry for the delay. I've just moved half way across the world, so that's my excuse. I hope the length of the chapter makes up for the lack of updating.
-------------------------------------------

September…

Have you ever thought seriously to yourself about how life has a way of flowing on, no matter how much turmoil or uneasiness a person might be going through at the time? It doesn’t stop just because there are issues that have to be dealt with. In a way, it’s both a blessing and a curse. It’s a blessing because life doesn’t give you the opportunity to systematically dwell on the imperfections that show up as pitfalls in the middle of the road. It’s a curse because those areas that could use improvement sometimes end up being put to the side of the road and forgotten about until something happens that makes you remember.

Running through West City’s Central Park, I find myself wondering that very thing, about the flow of time and events related to my own life. Lately, I haven’t had the time to seriously dwell on Trunks’s and my relationship. At the same time, I’ve also been spending less time with him and it makes me feel guilty, that promise I made to him coming back to haunt me. It isn’t that I don’t want to make sure he’s looking after himself, but with taking up the responsibilities of a new job, I’ve been so busy adjusting to the changes surrounding my own existence, he’s somehow been pushed off to the back burner. What does that make me? A liar?

I’ve been working as the Activities Director for the Boys and Girls Club for close to a month now. When I had worked there before, I had been an activities assistant, which meant that I helped set up the events that the director planned for the kids to do. The other part of my job centered on explaining and teaching the activities and crafts so the kids knew what they were supposed to do. As the director, it’s completely different. I plan all of the events for the kids and on top of that, I have to help write and coordinate the budget, as well as direct and supervise the five activities assistants that work underneath me.

Never having been in a position where I’m in charge of a department, the job is much more daunting then I thought it would be. Most of the time, I think I’ve been fucking things up for everyone. The other part of the time, I try to rack my brain for things we can do with the groups of kids that come to the club either for help in school, as part of an after school program, for childcare, or because they want and need a mentor to become a part of their life. And instead of calling up and talking to Trunks about my own internal doubts about my abilities, I’ve taken up running through the park after work to help relieve the stress of my new job, especially now that the air has cooled considerably and the autumn foliage has started to peak out against the backdrop of the setting sun. It’s almost…romantic.

Blushing slightly at such an uncharacteristic thought, especially when Trunks’s face looms in to the forefront, I veer off to another path and start running alongside the river that divides West City in half. Quashing my stupid thoughts, I glance at the flowing water out of the corner of my eye, noticing movement as a flock of ducks take flight, pattering across the water and leaving a path of ripples before they jump in to the air on their journey south for the winter. It’s at this point that I come to a bridge and cross the expanse of water as I make my way to the Southside of the city where I reside.

In a metaphorical sense, I sometimes feel that the river represents portions of the changes I have been making. Once I cross it, there is no going back. I can only move forward, and I can only look backwards across it to look for direction when I find myself at a point where I don’t know whether to turn right or left. Smiling wryly, I shake my head and slow down once I reach the stoplight at the intersection of the south gate for the park and the street I need to cross to get back to my apartment. As soon as the light changes, I cross the line of traffic and turn right at a side street. After a few minutes of walking, I reach my apartment building and hop up the steps, taking them two at a time. Fumbling around for a few minutes, I pull my apartment keys out of a pocket sewn into the arm of my spandex running shirt and unlock my door, grabbing the mail sticking out of my mail slot.

My apartment is dim and once again, I have let a mess accumulate across the floor of my living room: papers, a few empty pizza boxes, and some of my dirty work shirts and pants that make a trail to my bedroom. Well, I have never been known for my neatness and as of late, I’ve been so busy with work that the thought of picking up after myself doesn’t feel like an enjoyable choice compared to stripping down to my underwear and flipping on the television. Considering the fact that no one comes over to my place anyway, besides a few random visits from Gohan and my dad, there isn’t much point in keeping it immaculate. I suppose it would be a different story if I were more like Trunks and had people over on a regular basis, but I’m not and I have no friends besides him, Uub, and Marron.

Letting go of that depressing thought, I walk over to the kitchen and throw my mail on top of it before heading to the fridge to take out a soda. Letting out a sigh, I pop open the tab on the can and listen to the hiss of carbonation as it escapes the confined space. I chug it down in three gulps and then crush the can in my hand, throwing it on top of my overflowing garbage bin. With that, I head towards my bathroom and strip until I’m completely naked and step inside my shower, turning on the water and not bothering to wait until it’s warm before stepping inside the stream.

A few minutes later, I’m out of the water and drying off, trying not to waste time so I can finally sit back and relax before heading off to bed. Mentally, I thank Kami above that it’s Friday and I don’t have to think about work until tomorrow when I have to sit down and push out a projected schedule for the following month. It means I’ll have to go to the office so I can use my computer, since the ancient one my mom bought me as a high school graduation present died last year and I haven’t had the money to buy a new one. Sighing, I internally change the subject by shaking the water out of my thick hair and thinking about what I want to do with the rest of my Friday night: order another stack of pizzas and watch the movie I rented two weeks ago or skip food entirely and go to bed. Heading towards my bedroom to my dresser, I pull out a pair of boxers without looking at them and stuff my legs inside, pushing them up until they are securely around my hips while I mentally weigh my options. I am hungry but I’m also exhausted and I have a feeling I’ll just fall asleep halfway through the movie. Sucks.

Then I think, the hell with it. I’ll watch the damn movie since I paid the money for the privilege. Besides, I’m going to have to pay the fucking fine because I’ve had it a week and half past when it was supposed to be due. Leaving my bedroom, I wander over to my coffee table and throw a pile of papers to the floor as I look for the movie. Finding it, I turn on the DVD player and push the disc inside. Spinning back around, I flop across my futon and pull a pillow behind my head, grabbing the TV remote and flipping it on. I’m about to press play on the menu for the movie when something unexpected happens: my doorbell rings.

At first, I have this feeling that it’s just my imagination. However, when it rings a second and then a third time, I snap out of my stupor and leap out of my lounging position, running to open the door without consciously thinking about how I’m dressed. Grabbing the door handle, I pull it open only to find myself face to face with Trunks.

“Oh…umm, hi,” I great sheepishly, automatically scratching the back of my head out of nervousness. He looks…immaculate and hot. Consciously, I balk at that particular thought, especially when I can feel my cheeks heat up as blood rushes in. God, I’m turning into a fucking middle school student with a secret crush and that, quite frankly, is as ridiculous as it is absurd. Controlling my reaction, I step to the side of the door.

“Do you wanna come in?” I ask nonchalantly.

He rolls his eyes at the apparent idiocy of my question.

“Well of course I want to come in. You don’t think I traveled half way across town to stand on your doorstep like some sort of retard, do you?”

With that said, he steps inside the threshold of my small apartment and I close the door behind him. Not sure what to do or why he decided to come over unannounced, I slide past him and head over to my kitchen counter, where I lean up against it, sizing him up. A few minutes pass with neither one of us saying anything: me because I don’t know what to say for once and Trunks because he’s suddenly snickering at me. Feeling self- conscious, I run a hand over my face, wondering if there is something sticking to it. All that does is make Trunks’s snickers turn in to a snort of laughter.

“What?” I finally ask, my voice tinged with a mixture of hostility, annoyance, and embarrassment.

“Jeez Chibi, lighten up. You’re so testy.”

“Well, it’s kind of hard not to be when someone’s laughing at you,” I respond grouchily.

“And it’s kind of hard not to laugh when your best friend is only dressed in a pair of boxers which are on backwards and that read ‘Super Lover’ across the ass. Planning on having an orgy tonight?”

Completely mortified, I look down and realize he’s telling the truth. Fuck. I can feel my skin heat up as a full-bodied blush of humiliation suddenly bursts forward. There isn’t much I can do to save face, so I pretend that’s what I had planned all along.

“Yeah, sure Trunks. You’re just a bit earlier then planned. The girls haven’t arrived yet.”

I realize that he knows I’m lying, but I can tell he’s impressed that I didn’t follow through with my instincts to bolt inside my room and pull on a pair of pants. His smirk turns in to a slight smile of appreciation before he crosses his arms and assesses me frankly.

“Chibi, why don’t you go get dressed. Forget about the orgy. You’re coming out with me tonight. No arguments either.”

I blink in confusion before I realize he’s stepped in closer to where I’m standing. Grabbing my arm gently, he pulls me away from the counter and then lightly pushes me inside my bedroom.

“Just find something casual.” He tells me before he shuts the door, leaving me alone with the mess around my feet and my thoughts. I’m still getting over the surprise of him showing up out of the blue and the embarrassment of being caught with my boxers on backwards, but I’m more caught up in wondering why he wants to go out and if I have to watch him get drunk. Making my way to the closet, I grab a pair of jeans, a blue and green rugby shirt and a pair of running shoes. Slowly pulling on my clothes, my reverie is interrupted by a brisk rap on the door.

“Hurry up Chibi, I’m starving.”

I grumble something unintelligible and finish getting dressed. Pausing in front of the small mirror hanging on the wall, I comb my hair with my fingers, trying to flatten the piece of hair that likes to stick up no matter what I do. Giving up, I finally open my bedroom door only to find Trunks sitting at my kitchen counter going through my stack of mail.

“Hey, don’t you know it’s illegal to go through someone’s mail?” I grumble out in irritation. He just looks up and flashes me a grin before throwing me a letter he managed to pick out.

“Relax. I didn’t open anything. But I think you might want to read that one. The rest are just junk.”

Flipping the envelope over to the front, my eyes widen slightly. It’s from West City University and I know what it is about. My gut clenches up in unease and before I really think about what I’m doing, I toss it back to Trunks, who gives me a questioning look.

“I…I can’t open it.”

For once, instead of ridiculing me about my apparent cowardice, he gives me an understanding look and fingers the letter thoughtfully in his hands.

“Do you want me to open it?”

Letting out a sigh, I nod my head yes.

“Just don’t…if it’s bad, don’t tell me about it, okay?”

We look each other in the eyes and I’m relieved when I see understanding and concern instead of scorn or amusement. He licks his lips and then slowly proceeds to break the seal on the envelope. I try to look away, but my own morbid curiosity won’t leave me alone. I watch as he pulls it out and quickly scans the letter. Putting it down on the counter, he turns and glances at me seriously.

“It says that you were accepted.”

Accepted? I don’t know what to make of that…I wasn’t expecting… Taking a deep breath, I walk forwards and swipe the letter off the counter and read it myself, not able to believe the validity behind Trunks’s words. When I finally get to the end of it, I let it go and watch as it flutters back on top of the counter, my heart beating fast before a smile breaks across my lips.

“Congratulations.”

I blink slowly, my eyes focusing in on Trunks as he unexpectedly grabs my hand and squeezes it, his thumb running gently across the skin on the back of it. Unused to such…intimate gestures from him, I selfishly let him touch me for a few more seconds before gently pulling away. In the back of my mind, I figure it doesn’t hurt to give in once in a while to the things that have slowly started to become more apparent the moment I began acknowledging where my thoughts and ideas have become centered in regards to my friend. He doesn’t have to know. End of story.

“Goten…I’m proud of you. I know I acted like a complete ass when you came over to tell me you quite working for Nezumi. You’re going to be great. So, let’s go out and celebrate.”

Caught by surprise from his apology, I nod my head dumbly while he stands up from the bar stool and walks towards the door. Following him outside, I lock my apartment door and head down the stairs towards his waiting car. Opening the car door, I slip inside and buckle my seatbelt while he turns on the ignition and then pulls away from the curb.

“Just Trunks…let’s not go out to the clubs tonight. I’m tired.” I say it even though I’m afraid of pissing him off. However, he just gives me an understanding smile.

“No problem. I told you, we’re going out to celebrate for you. So, whatever you want, it’s fine with me. There is just one thing though: you had better pick out a place to eat or I might end up dying from lack of blood sugar.”

Sensing the tension melt, I grin and relax against the cushion of the leather covering the car seat.

“How about Chinese?” I ask.

“Sure! I know a great little place. They don’t have a buffet though. I hope you don’t mind?”

That doesn’t really matter to me. All that matters at this moment is spending time with my friend, which I haven’t been able to do because of my job. I have a feeling that this is partially to apologize for our last couple of times hanging out together. I am…happy.

It doesn’t take long before we are driving down the busy business district of West City. We pass a number of high-end restaurants, before Trunks parks the car.

“Come on Goten, we’re here. We’ve got to walk a couple of blocks, but the food is worth it.”

Like a couple of blocks are going to kill me. I am, after all, half Saiyan. Stepping out of the car, we both walk past more restaurants and clubs before Trunks turns down an ally partially concealed against the backdrop of the rest of the neighborhood. Eventually, he stops in front of a small door and pulls it open. We walk up about five flights of stairs before eventually reaching the top floor. At first, I think he must have made some sort of mistake. As soon as he opens the door, I notice the simple tables and booths crowded inside the small dining room covered with clichéd red and white checked tablecloths. There are a few patrons eating, but the restaurant itself is nothing special, not at all a place I would expect Trunks to recommend. However, as soon as a short, old woman walks from the back brining a tray filled with delicious smelling dishes, my stomach grumbles audibly, much to my chagrin. Trunks laughs and the woman smiles warmly before handing the food over to her customers. After she finishes, she slowly walks over to where we are standing.

“Trunks! You never come here anymore! You must be starving half to death, you look so skinny.”

I’m amazed when she stands up on her tiptoes and pinches the skin of his forearm. I’m even more amazed when he lets her do it without batting an eyelash.

“Look at this!” She grabs a small piece of skin and pulls on it. “You have hardly any fat on your bones. You need to eat! What would your mother say if she saw you like this? Sit! Sit! I will have Meng make up some steamed dumplings with shrimp.”

Just like that, she hurries away as fast her short legs will carry her. Giving Trunks a look of curiosity, he just shrugs his shoulders and slides inside one of the booths lining the wall. Motioning for me to join him, I take up the seat across from him and glance around.

“What was that all about? She thinks you’re too skinny? How’d you ever find this place?”

Trunks just shakes his head and throws me a menu before he starts scanning the list of items. I follow suit, my stomach growling non-stop while I try and figure out what to eat. Everything sounds good, and by the smell and look of the other customers’ food, it probably tastes delicious as well. I’m still looking at the menu when the old woman returns with a pot of tea and five baskets of steamed dumplings, a sure sign that Trunks has eaten here many times beforehand.

“Here you are Trunks. Meng also thinks you are too skinny.”

With that, I snicker, only to earn a reproachful look from the woman and a slight quirk of Trunks’s lips.

“Is this your boyfriend, Trunks? You had better teach him some manners.”

With that, she slaps my wrist with the menu she had just grabbed from Trunks. Feeling embarrassed over being mistaken as Trunks’s boyfriend and for having my wrist slapped, I blush and pull the menu up closer to my face. Apparently, today is the day reserved for utmost mortification and humiliation. Ignoring both the woman and Trunks while he orders, I try to concentrate on what I want to eat, but my mind doesn’t want to focus and the letters that swim in front of my eyes. I don’t know how long I sit there before I suddenly sense Trunks pushing his knee against my own. I glance at him and find the menu being forcefully taken away from me.

“Hmmm, this one seems to lack courage. Maybe you had better not waste your time on him.” She says boldly, giving me a hard look before turning away. At that moment, I want the ground to open up and swallow me whole.

“Fuck Trunks, what the hell?” I spit out indignantly, before slouching further in to the cushions of the booth.

I know exactly what he plans on doing. The second I finish my statement, he lets out a burst of laughter before leaning over and grabbing my arm to pull me out of my slouch.

“Come on Goten, don’t let Peony get to you. She’s just an old woman who likes to spend her free time trying to personally take care of the people who come in and eat at her restaurant.”

“Yeah, well…she thinks you had better forget about me. And…and boyfriend?” I hiss out. That part was completely unexpected. I couldn’t believe she would ever think that Trunks would be interested in a relationship with another man.

“Give it up Chibi. It’s just because I sometimes bring dates here, but that hardly ever happens and she thinks I spend too much time alone. Besides, would you have a problem if I did sometimes bring boyfriends here?”

I blink stupidly. I don’t know if he’s just making light of the situation or if he’s serious. He’s always been hard to read, and I don’t want to make the mistake of mixing up his intentions.

“I guess…no. I mean, if you had a boyfriend and brought him here, it isn’t any of my business.”

At that moment, he lets go of my arm and leans back against the back of the booth. I can tell that he’s pleased with my statement, which only confuses me more. A little over a month ago he was telling me how disgusting it would be to kiss a guy, specifically me. Now, he’s asking me if I would be okay with him having a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend. Not knowing what to think, I grab a napkin and start fiddling with it, bending and folding it to create different shapes.

“Chibi.”

I drop my napkin and look up, noticing for the first time that he’s been watching me and my nervous habit of having to have something in my hands when I’m unsure of the situation I find myself in.

“What?”

“You…surprise me.”

I blush for what feels like the millionth time tonight. Trying to push away my uneasiness towards this particular topic, especially when it seems so close to the thoughts I have been having as of late, I shrug and look away, pretending that the Chinese print on the wall next to our booth is extremely interesting.

“Goten.”

I try to ignore him because I’m tired of feeling both uneasy and this queasy sensation of…hope. However, Trunks isn’t one who likes being ignored. I almost jump out of my skin when I notice…his foot rubbing against my calf in a leisurely and much practiced motion.

“Don’t ignore me Chibi. It just makes you look like you’re afraid of something. What’s there to be afraid of?”

I purse my lips slightly and let out a low sigh, trying to simultaneously prove to Trunks that I am not afraid of anything he should have to say as well as trying to school my face and other parts of my body which are suddenly reacting to the stimulus of being touched in such an…erotic way, for lack of a better description. If he would glance under the table, there would be no way out of trying to explain my very apparent reaction towards the way he’s rubbing my calf muscle.

“Would it make you nervous to be around me if I told you I decided that girls just don’t do it for me anymore? Would it…disgust you?”

I want him to stop playing these games with me. I don’t pull my leg away, and suddenly it dawns on me that he’s testing me. I don’t know why, but I have a feeling that what I say or how I act will change things between us either for the better or for the worse. Steeling my resolve, I sit up straighter and peer inside his eyes, my brown ones suddenly feeling lost in a gaze that traps and encompasses me.

“I…it wouldn’t disgust me.”

“Would you be jealous?”

I’m not prepared for that question. Would I be? Truthfully, yes. However, I’m not going to tell that to him, lest I give myself away.

“No.”

“I think you’re not telling the truth Chibi. But…, we’ll save that discussion for later. I’m starving.”

And just like that, he pulls his foot away from my calf and acts like he hadn’t just played footsie with me for close to fifteen minutes. Letting out an internal sigh of relief, it takes me a moment to realize that we aren’t alone. Glancing to my left, I see Peony standing with two other servers carrying five gigantic trays loaded with food. How they were able to cook that much that quickly boggles my mind.

“Are you two done fondling each other? Trunks, I don’t mind it when you bring dates here, but I do mind it when you act like you’re in hotel room. If you’re that eager, you can always rent a room next door after you’re done eating, although I don’t see what you’re so excited about with this one.”

Feeling my anger build, I level her a death glare, which only earns a small smile back in return.

“Hmm, I see you do have some backbone hiding somewhere. Well, you’ll need it if you want to have Trunks. He’s quite a heartbreaker. The weak ones don’t last long.”

I want to punch her and I’m about to lunge, when Trunks grabs my thigh and pushes me back down on top of the booth. Humiliated at losing my temper, I grunt slightly while the servers put some of the food in front of the two of us.

As soon as they leave, I start loading my plate, pissed at myself and pissed at Trunks for both taking me out to a place that has brought forward the uncomfortable topic of sexuality and for his desire to test and ridicule me. So far, my celebration dinner has only managed to make me angry. Digging in, I eat three trays of the dumplings and drink four cups of tea before I hear Trunks’s voice.

“Chibi, please don’t be angry with me.”

I straighten up in my seat and glare at him, unable to say anything until I finish chewing and swallowing my food. Gulping it down, I wipe my mouth with a napkin and cross my arms.

“Is this some kind of joke to you? I don’t think it’s very funny. You shouldn’t play games with people’s minds like that. I…I don’t understand you. Why Trunks? Why do you always do this to me?” The last part comes out as more of a plea for understanding. I have this feeling that he won’t answer me, something he does when the topic for discussion delves too deeply within his own consciousness. However, this night seems to be one filled with the unexpected.

“It’s not a joke Chibi. You…you hide what you really feel so well that the only way I ever figure out things about you is when I goad you into saying something you normally wouldn’t. Maybe I took it a little far tonight. That wasn’t my intention. I just want us to have a good time. I want you to be…happy.”

“So what are you trying to say? What does having a boyfriend or being gay have to do with any of this? If you want me to be happy, then…just be yourself and stop asking irrelevant questions.”

He looks at me questioningly and then slides his hand across the table, grabbing mine before I have a chance to withdraw it and hide it where he can’t touch it.

“I don’t think it’s irrelevant, Goten. However, I don’t want to talk about this here. Let’s finish eating and just do something stupid.”

Grumbling something unintelligible, I finish the food in front of me and try to squash the thoughts that keep running through my mind. First and foremost, I wonder what he’s up to and if he’s somehow figured out the truth about me. Well, in all honesty, it’s always been hard to keep secrets from Trunks simply because he knows me better then most people. Still, I can’t understand where any of this is suddenly coming from.

We eat in silence, finishing everything, which apparently doesn’t surprise Peony when she shows up with the bill.

“Hmm, he eats almost as much as you do, Trunks. Maybe you like this one because he has good stamina. No matter what people say, that does matter in a relationship.”

I cringe inwardly. It’s like she’s become my own personal plague, especially when her words bring to mind things that I shouldn’t be thinking about in a public restaurant. I’m about to stand in order to leave when Trunks gives me a look and then turns to Peony with the money.

“Yeah, but really, sex is just sex. It’s the same no matter who you do it with. Really, a relationship should be about trust and friendship first. Goten’s my friend and he has been since we were kids. It’s nothing more then that Peony.”

I give Trunks an incredulous look that Peony also mirrors. That was the last thing I could ever imagine him saying and yet, that’s exactly what came out of his mouth. Shaking my head, I watch as she recovers and then leans over and heartily slaps him on the back.

“It’s about time you got your head on straight. Your poor mother has probably been worried sick that you’d spend the rest of your life sleeping with slutty girls instead of settling down. It’s interesting that you picked a man though. I suppose that won’t go over very well, but in my mind, those things don’t matter much. And whether or not you think it’s about trust and friendship, I think a night in the hotel next door would both do you some good.”

“Ah, thanks for the advice but that’s not why I brought Goten out here. He just got accepted in to graduate school so we’re out celebrating.”

With that, he stands and hands her the money, also leaving a generous tip. I follow his lead and we exit the building, once again heading towards his car.

“So, what do you want to do now?”

I’m still smarting over the whole dinner fiasco and truthfully, I’m tired. The thought of going out and ‘doing something stupid’ just doesn’t seem appealing at the moment.

“Can we just go home? I just want to turn in for the night.”

He stops next to his car and gives me look that shows his disappointment.

“Seriously Chibi? I really pissed you off, didn’t I?”

I want to deny that I’m not angry, but instead, I nod my head slightly and then yawn.

“I…if you want to go home, I’ll take you home.”

He seems suddenly deflated and depressed, and once again I catch myself wondering about the point of all of his questions and statements and why he suddenly showed up at my house today of all days. That maybe, those statements really weren’t jokes.

“It isn’t entirely the dinner. I mean, the food was good and everything, but…I’ve got a lot of work to do tomorrow and I have to head to the office. I really am tired.”

“Why do you have to go to the office on a Saturday? It’s the weekend, for fuck’s sake! I thought you quite working for Nezumi so you wouldn’t have to put in another Saturday.”

I squirm under the intensity of his look. He seems angrier over the idea of me working a Saturday then at me, but it makes me uncomfortable. Caving in, I let out a sigh and spill the truth over my Saturday plight.

“I need to work on scheduling. I could do it from home, but I don’t have a computer so ergo, I have to go to the office on a Saturday.”

He blinks at me and then he unlocks his car.

“Get in Goten. We’ll go and fix your problem. Besides, if you’re going to be starting grad school when the first fall module ends and the second one starts, you’re going to need a computer anyway.”

Opening up my side, I sit down and buckle up, thinking up some excuse as to why it isn’t a good idea for me to get a computer. I just don’t have the money for that kind of expense. I tell Trunks as much.

“Goten, I know I’m probably going to piss you off even more since you hate it when I try to help you out for whatever reason, but forget about not having money. I’ve got loads of it…my own, not my mother’s or father’s. Just think of it as present for being brave enough to follow your dreams instead of getting trapped in a life that sucks.”

He says the last words bitterly and I think back to some of his comments about working at Capsule Corporation or even the fact that he’s never been allowed to figure out what it is that he would like to spend the rest of his life doing. Sighing, I don’t know what to say, so I just sit until we pull up to a technology store.

Before I even realize it, we are in and out of the store and I suddenly have a top of the line laptop computer to replace the shitty desktop I should have thrown out years ago. I don’t know what to think. Part of me is elated at the prospect of finally being able to do things from my home. The other part of me resents the fact that Trunks could easily pay for it without so much as blinking his eyes at the cost. It’s just one more reminder at the differences between the two of us that a lifetime of growing up together has never been able to erase.

We don’t say anything to each other, our minds both preoccupied with thoughts neither one of us want to divulge at the moment. Trunks absently throws in a CD which ends up being trance music we used to dance to when we where in high school and college. Relaxing against the seat, my mind wanders off and suddenly I find myself being shaken awake.

“Hey Goten, we’re here.”

Blinking my eyes open, I watch as he pulls away and then gets out of the car, grabbing my new laptop from the backseat.

I wasn’t really expecting him to come back inside with me, but our conversation at the Chinese restaurant brings up the fact that he apparently wants to talk to me about…things. I let him carry the laptop while I dig out my keys from my wallet and unlock the front door. Flipping on the lights, we both step inside and I close the door behind Trunks.

“So Chibi, where do you want me to set it up?”

Shrugging, I tell him that I’m more then capable of hooking it up to an outlet, which only seems to irritate him.

“Stop being so fucking stubborn. Just let me do this. You can go and get ready for bed.”

His tone of voice doesn’t brook any argument, so I put my hands up and back away. Turning around I step inside the bathroom and close the door. Glancing at my reflection, I run my hand along my jaw, feeling the roughness of my stubble growing back in. Deciding there isn’t any point in shaving, I quickly brush my teeth and then head out of it and step in to my bedroom. Pulling off my clothes, I rummage around the floor for a pair of sweat pants and a wrinkled up T-shirt before putting the on. Letting out a deep breath, I stretch my arms out above my head, listening to my bones creak and some of my joints pop. Letting go of some of my nervousness, I grab hold of the door handle before making up my mind to join Trunks in my living room.

He’s over at my dusty computer desk, and the computer’s up and running. My old one is stacked against the wall, clearly ready to be put out on the curb. Stepping up behind him, I peer down at it, noticing how small it is compared to my old one. The second he senses me, he turns around and peers up at my face.

“Hey. It’s really nice. I won’t tell you about it, since I know you can figure out how to work it. Do you want to try it out?”

I just shake my head no and yawn, giving him the signal to shut it down. As soon as the laptop is off, I watch as he carefully folds the screen down before he gets up and stands.

“Do you want me to leave?”

Swallowing, I come to a junction of sorts. In truth, I am tired and the idea of going to bed and sleeping a good twelve hours seems really appealing. However, Trunks made an effort to come and visit me, and even though our night out together ended up pissing me off, I don’t want him to leave and think that I’m some kind of ass. So instead of giving in and telling him to go so I can sleep, I shake my head no and then flop myself down on top of my futon.

“If you want something to drink, I have some cola and grape soda in the fridge.”

He grins slightly and then heads towards the kitchen.

“What, no beer or vodka? God Chibi, when did your idea of having a drink with a friend turn in to pop? Do you want one too?”

I tell him no and after a few seconds, I hear the tab on his pop can hiss as he opens the drink. He brings it with him and sits down next to me on my futon.

Both of us sit there in silence, lost in our own thoughts. I’m still ruminating over the incident at the Chinese restaurant and I wonder if he’s going bring up whatever it was that he wanted to talk to me about. Whatever the case, I have no idea how I’m going to respond. It just brings me back to an uncomfortable realization that he knows I’m gay, and I’m not ready for that. Stealing a glance at him out of the corner of my eyes, I notice that he isn’t drinking his pop. Instead, he’s just sitting there, staring at my television.

At least ten minutes pass with both of us saying nothing. I almost jump when Trunks taps my arms and says my name.

“Chibi, you really wouldn’t be grossed out if I told you I might like other guys? You know, the way I like girls?”

I turn around and look him in the eyes, the only way I can ever tell if he’s telling the truth. For once, he isn’t trying to hide his true feelings from me and I can see how important my answer is. Besides, I would be lying to him if I told him I was grossed out since I apparently have the same problem. Still, it doesn’t make sense why he would suddenly decide to tell me he’s interested in men too, since a month ago, he was having orgies with girls.

“Trunks, if you want to start…um, dating guys, I don’t care. You’re still Trunks.”

It is the truth. He would still be my friend regardless of if he liked guys or girls. I watch as his mind processes my statement. He lets out a sigh and takes a sip of his soda. Then, he sets it down on the coffee table before turning towards me.

“I…it’s just, you always seem so against it.”

I blink at him, not entirely sure where he’s going with this.

“What do you mean, I seem against it? Trunks, for one thing, I had no idea you were even thinking about liking guys. You’ve never, ever come across as being interested in the same sex. And since we’ve never talked about it, how could you think I would be against whoever you decide to be romantically involved with?”

What next comes out of his mouth shocks me because I never, in a million years, could see it coming.

“You always scorn my advances. You never take me seriously. And since I’ve been aware that you like guys, I just figured you’d get it. But you never do Chibi. It’s like hitting a brick wall, and every time I think I’ve gotten somewhere with you, you make it fucking impossible. I’ve really been thinking a lot about this for the last month. Maybe it’s because I’m just not…good enough for you. I’ve got problems. I know that I do, but I can change.”

“Wha…wait.” I hold up my hand, my brain trying to process what he’s just said.

“What advances? What are you talking about? It feels like all we ever do is fight and whenever we don’t, you’re out with girls. And you figured that …I like other men? How?”

He stares at me before letting out a snort of incredulity.

“Fuck Goten, it’s just like you to be in denial. How could I not know? No matter that we haven’t been getting along the best for a while now, you never want to have anything to do with women. When was the last time you actually went on a date? When was the last time you had sex with a girl? It’s been years Goten. You just aren’t interested, so what do you think that means? Yeah, I have sex with girls. All the time. It’s the only thing that keeps me from thinking about you like that. And I drink because it’s the only other thing that keeps me from thinking about you…like that. Do you realize how much this last year has hurt me, truly and honestly? Sure, I know your life isn’t a bed of roses, but I don’t want to lose what we’ve had for so long. Yet, it isn’t the same anymore and I’m sick of lying to myself. I can’t fucking stand it.”

Standing up, he pulls me off the sofa so that we are almost touching one another. I try to back away, but he anchors his arm behind me.

“As for advances, how about that kiss by the lake? I know you wanted it but you just turned me down. Or how about the day after, when you came by to watch a movie? I was so pissed off at you for denying me what I’ve wanted for so long…I wanted to make you pay, to make you uncomfortable. Yet I thought that maybe, I was the only one with this sick little obsession. That was until you came and told me about quitting Nezumi’s. You…touched my face before you left. It wasn’t the kind of touch somebody gives a friend. I thought you were going to kiss me and I wanted you to, yet all you did was leave me again. You’re so good at leaving…a perfect artist at it. You don’t want anyone to know what it is that you’re thinking. You tell me how to act, you criticize me for my behavior, yet you do the same thing as me: you deny yourself what you really want because you’re…you’re afraid.”

I try to deny it even though I know it’s pointless to do so. Still, he’s right. I am afraid, and we’ve already screwed up enough things between the two of us. I don’t want this to end up as the ultimate mistake, one where there is no fixing it after it’s all said and done.

“Are you afraid? Just be honest with me. Please.”

Yes.

“Yes.”

I say that one little word, and everything suddenly shifts. At that exact moment, there is no stopping the two of us from making a huge misstep. The Saiyan half of me can sense what Trunks wants, what Trunks needs. It isn’t about two friends trying to figure out how their relationship has ended up falling apart no matter how they try to keep it together. Instead, it’s about a force older then time incarnate deciding the fate of two people who have been twined together since birth.

He leans forward and I swallow. He grabs my chin and I let him. He pulls his arm tighter around my back, and I step towards him. He jerks my head down so that I’m peering inside the depths of his blue eyes. I shiver unconsciously and then close my eyes. He has me under his influence completely, just as he always has. And if for some reason, I’ve completely misinterpreted his intent, it will be the most humiliating moment in my life. Yet…yet I know that this is really going to happen, and I can’t stop it this time.

The moment I feel the dryness of his lips against mine, I instinctively jerk backwards, but his grip is tight and his will to dominate is just as strong. There is no avoiding this. So I give in. It’s just a kiss, I tell myself. What harm is there in that? Plenty.

I can’t help myself, however. The moment he moves closer and deepens the kiss expertly, I cave in to the desire that’s been building within me for months. I let out a sigh of surrender and before I know it, he’s moved in for the kill. For the first time in my life, I understand the true meaning behind a plundered kiss. My body is suddenly on fire and Trunks takes advantage of that small moment of weakness. Sliding his tongue inside of my mouth, he rasps it across my teeth and I moan, opening up even further to him. He takes hold of my own tongue and sucks on it in a practiced motion while his hand slowly slides down my back and grabs my ass. I’m shocked. Not so much by my own wantonness, but by how forward he’s being and suddenly, that fear of making a terrible mistake comes roaring back to life, overpowering my desire for him and the enjoyment of suddenly giving in to a forbidden kiss with the one person who knows me best.

Jerking away from him, I break away and take in a shuddering breath. Trying to center myself and ignoring the throbbing in my groin that I failed to notice while I was making out with my friend, I put my hand up and then peer over towards where he’s standing, obviously in the same state of…arousal as myself. I think it over in my head. This…can’t be happening.

“But it has Chibi,” he says quietly. “So what are you going to do about it? Are you going to keep on pretending that you don’t feel things for me, that you don’t want to have sex with me? Or are you going to finally put aside your fear and plunge in with both feet?”

I don’t know what I’m going to do. I can’t pretend that I don’t like him in that way any longer because he knows. However, I’m not ready to just jump in bed with him. I’m not going to end up being just the name of another person he’s fucked for the hell of it.

I know he can sense my indecision and I can see he’s disappointed, but he hides it behind a mask of aloofness, while I feel as though I’m floundering around for him to see clearly.

“Go to bed Chibi. You’re tired.”

I blink over the change of subject and then nod my head dumbly.

“Are you going home?”

“That’s the idea. Unless you want to carry on where we left off. I’m not averse to that.”

All right, so maybe he hasn’t changed the subject. I’m still trying to get over how he can be so nonchalant about something that’s been burning a hole in my brain for months, especially since I just found out exactly what it is like to be kissed by him. Shaking my head no, I unsteadily walk towards my bedroom, trying to ignore the burning ache below my belt, a stark reminder of giving in to a temptation that should have been ignored.

Crawling on top of the bed, I pull my covers up over my body and just lay there, looking at the ceiling. I’m not even aware that Trunks hasn’t left until I sense his presence in the doorway.

“Goten…I’ll wait. But don’t expect me to be patient. Have a good sleep. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

With that, he leaves, closing my bedroom door. A few seconds later, I hear the front door shut and then the sound of his car as he revs the engine and disappears down the road.

Sinking deeper inside my covers, I close my eyes and try to make sense of everything that just happened tonight between Trunks and myself. Instead of feeling relief however, I can’t help but think we’ve just opened up a new wound between the two of us. I’m not ready…not for what he wants, at any rate. Besides, what does it even mean? Has he only been obsessing over having sex with me or is his fascination with me like what I feel for him…a natural progression between two friends? Struggling to come to grips with this new development, I lay on my bed without falling asleep for hours before my exhaustion takes hold. Before I drift of to an uneasy sleep, I wonder how will things ever be the same again. And then I make a conjecture as to whether or not Trunks is feeling the same agony. It just seems…impossible.

-------------------------------------------
Trunks has come out of the closet, taking Goten by surprise. How will this development change things between the two? Will Goten be able to keep Trunks at bay, or is it just another lost battle? I’ll try to update soon. The next chapter will begin with Goten’s adjustment to his job, starting school and…Trunks! Please review if you would like.