Cages

Quatre 117
Duo was always the first one to dinner, but with his recent sickness I had expected to have to call or even take his food to him. I hadn’t expected him to show up even before dinner was made and plop down at the kitchen counter.
“Hello, Duo,” I greeted. “You’re looking better.”
“Better than dead, you mean,” Duo quipped, resting his elbows on the counter top as he sat on one of the stools.
“Did you have a good nap?” Trowa ventured quietly as he dried and put away the dishes from breakfast and last night’s dinner. One of Trowa’s chore hours was at the same time as my cooking lesson, in which I usually prepared dinner. Trowa always did the dishes then so that I would have some company while I cooked.
“Nap?” I asked, curious. I had thought Duo had slept all day.
“Yeah, I got up and... uh... talked to Wufei, then was so tired I crashed on the couch,” Duo said, blushing.
“What did you want to talk to him about?” I asked, trying to make conversation.
“Huh? Oh, nothing. I just...” Duo trailed, a look of concentration on his face. “Hey, have either of you ever... you know... done it with Zechs?” he asked. It was so sudden a question that Trowa and I froze, uncertain of how we should respond.
“I have,” Trowa replied first.
“Oh. What about you, Quat?” Duo asked, turning his attention to me. I blushed deeply, for I had been intimate with only one master, and it was not Zechs. I wasn’t as comfortable with sex as the others seemed to be, for it was always painful, humiliating, and kind of gross with my other master. It was wet, dirty, smelly, and foul. It was hard for me to reconcile this idea of sex with a master like Zechs, and even harder to think of it in connection with the other boys, namely Trowa. So I often chose simply not to think about it.
“I have not,” I told him simply, turning to the stove where I was frying chicken for dinner.
“What about Heero?”
“I believe he and Master were intimate, though I don’t have any evidence,” Trowa replied. “However, I did notice that he was walking funny after he and Master took a trip to the bathhouse, so it’s pretty likely that they’ve been together,” Trowa said, then paused, giving Duo a contemplative look. “What brought on this sudden interest?” Trowa wondered. Duo gave a surprised look, then blushed deeply and laughed, rubbing the back of his head.
“I... ah... I caught Zechs and Wufei in a... well... compromising position, so I was just wondering if I was the only one who hadn’t... you know... with him.”
“Wufei?” Trowa asked, surprised, “Really? I would have thought he would put up a fight, but I didn’t hear anything.”
“Apparently he didn’t put up any fight at all. Seemed like he enjoyed himself, from what I saw,” Duo replied. It was surprising that Wufei hadn’t fought to protect his chastity, since he had fought Master in the very beginning for his freedom. Then again, if anyone could coax an angry dragon into bed, it would have to be Master Zechs.
“Hm,” Trowa murmured, turning to put a dish away. “I can understand that. Master is very skilled and very... well endowed, if you know what I mean.”
“Who’s well endowed?” Heero wondered as he entered the kitchen, his face flushed from riding practice.
“We were talking about Zechs,” Duo piped in, “it seems that he and Wufei have gotten together.”
“Already?” Heero wondered, fetching himself a glass of water. “I thought he’d hold out longer than that.”
“I was surprised as well,” Trowa said, “but Master can be quite persuasive in that area.”
“Who found out?” Heero wondered.
“That would be me,” Duo replied, blushing and laughing again. “I had the misfortune of walking in on that aftermath about an hour ago.”
“Oh? Master said you were sleeping. He said to wake you at dinner,” Heero replied, confused.
“Yeah, well, it seems that a combination of stairs and shock took the energy right out of me. I crashed on the couch a couple minutes after finding them.”
“Ah. Then I suppose you don’t have the energy to come out to the barn? I found a nest of barn kittens in the loft. There’s a white one that keeps crawling away from the nest and making a ruckus when it can’t find its way back. It kind of reminded me of you.”
“Kittens? Neat! I haven’t eaten cat in ages!” Duo crowed.
“Duo!” I snapped, shocked and appalled. “You can’t eat kittens!”
“I’m just playin’ with ya, Quat,” Duo said with a wink. I smiled and almost let it go, but a second later I saw more than felt a pang of sorrow in his eyes. The others had turned their attention away, so didn’t hear it when he mumbled, “We were never fast enough to catch cats.”
I wondered about that comment, but Heero was already leading him out the door, so I let it drop. I didn’t know a lot about Duo, but I was fairly certain his childhood had been rough. Still, it was impossible to make Duo do anything, so I knew I’d just have to wait until he felt comfortable enough to reveal his past to me. If he ever did.
“I wonder if Wufei will be joining us for dinner?” Trowa wondered as the other two left. “He might be too sore. It has been a while since he’s been with anyone.”
“I... ah... I don’t know,” I told him honestly, stuttering in my discomfort over the subject. Only Duo and I had not been with Master, and with Duo it was most certainly because he got so upset when people tried to touch him. So why...?
“Quatre, is something wrong?” Trowa asked, looking at me with concern.
“Oh! No, I just got a little distracted, that’s all,” I replied, then quickly went back to my cooking.
But I was lying.
That night, after dinner was over, I told Trowa I was going to take a long bath. I filled the tub and took off my clothes, but I didn’t get in. Instead, I stood looking at myself in the full-length mirror that hung on the bathroom door.
Why didn’t Master want me? What did the others have to attract his attention that I didn’t? I had never been in a position before where I was not considered desirable. I had always been feminine, ethereal, and elegant. So, while I had only had one master, I was often put on display for others. I hadn’t liked all those eyes watching me, but it had given me some confidence to know that I was beautiful. Even after I had fallen out of my master’s favor, I had still been called to his bed often. Even the constant abuse and torture had not diminished my looks, and some of the masters commented on how frail and pretty I looked, even though I had only been skin and bones. So why was it that Master Zechs did not find me alluring?
I soon found myself shaking and had to lower myself to the floor, for fear of falling. If Master didn’t want me in his bed, how was I to know he wouldn’t suddenly want me off his team? I certainly wasn’t doing any serious events, and I had only had a few months training. What if he found a better trained slave at one of the parties? He could easily replace me with someone else. What if all his kindness had merely been because he was a kind person, not because he had any affection for me? What if he sent me away?
I realized that I was starting to pant, and I knew that Trowa would surely realize something was wrong if I panicked. I took deep breaths to calm myself and tried to think of a time Master had shown me some kind of affection. The only time I could think of was when Master had kissed both Heero and me when I had first come to stay with Master, and that had only been a kiss on the forehead. Still, maybe if I hadn’t been so sick or so shy it would have gone further. Master was very kind, so maybe he had held himself back to keep from hurting me.
But what was different between then and now? And, for that matter, what was different between the others and me? The only thing I could think of was that all the others except Duo and me were muscular. Could Master only be interested in muscular boys? But Heero and Wufei were fairly slim despite their muscles, and Trowa was far taller than he was broad. So they were all slim and athletic. How could that help me?
I stared at the mirror for several minutes, trying to figure out what was different. Was it because I was fair, and the others were dark skinned? Was it because I was soft, while the others were tough? But I had been all these things when Master had chosen me, and he had chosen me over all the other boys the Master Marcel had offered. Could it be my scars? They were certainly not there when I was first chosen, but they had been there when Zechs had kissed me. Besides, they were much softer now, as Trowa helped rub a cream to prevent scarring on my back every night. In a few more months it would be hard to tell I had ever been injured.
So what was the difference between the boy Master had chosen to become his own and the person who now looked back at me from the mirror? I had been a skinny, sickly boy then, easily frightened and injured. I was stronger now, and where my skin had once been a pale, sickly white it now had a healthy, golden tone to it. I was no longer bruised by every bump or scrape, no longer taken down by a chilly wind or a cold. A month of eating well and sleeping warmly had made me stronger in body, if not in soul.
Which is when I realized it. In the past month, I had put on nearly twenty pounds in weight. It had been hard to see at first, because I had lost even more weight to my wounds, and I had needed to gain that back. Now, though, it was easy to see that several weeks of pigging out had added pounds to my body. Zechs had asked for a Victorian boy, I laughed to myself as I looked into the mirror, and ended up with the Pillsbury Dough Boy.
It all made sense to me now. The other boys had gained weight, yes, but they carried it in the form of muscle. They were touch where I was soft, and I doubted I could manage to carry the weight as they did. My features were angelic, and I trembled to think of what they would look like with twenty extra pounds of muscles. I would probably look like a midget Hercules.
No, the only solution was to return to what Master had chosen in the first place. I had gotten sloppy and complacent in the atmosphere of this place, and I had forgotten that Zechs was, first and foremost, a master. I was here to please him, and I had lost sight of that. Master had given me too much freedom, and I had abused it. It was a mistake I would not make again, but, luckily, one I could rectify.
I took one last look at myself in the mirror, measuring myself now to how I looked mere weeks ago, calculating the inches I would need to take off and the ones I could keep. If I worked hard, I could be better than my old self in a matter of weeks.
I smiled in relief and got up, turning away from the mirror. Still smiling I stepped into the now-cold bath water and quickly washed. I got out and toweled dry quickly, careful not to trip over anything and reveal my haste to Trowa. In the bedroom, Trowa had not noticed anything was wrong, and was quietly reading by the lamplight. I put on my pajama pants and fetched my anti-scar cream from my dresser, then silently handed it to Trowa. He put his book aside, used to this nightly routine, and moved for me to sit on the bed in front of him. Trowa’s hands were strong and gentle, and I liked having an excuse to get close to him. Usually I enjoyed these moments together and would talk amiably while he would listen silently, putting in a comment every so often to let me know he was interested. Tonight, though, I was to preoccupied to say much, so the conversation fizzled quickly. Trowa finished more quickly that usual, and I retired to bed immediately, body tired and soul weary.

Trowa 118
I thought at first that Quatre might be mad at me. I was the one closest to him, so I was obviously the one to first notice his odd behavior. He had become withdrawn and almost depressed after Duo had revealed that Master had taken Wufei as his own. It seemed out of character for Quatre, but I thought perhaps he might be jealous of Wufei. It seemed logical, given that Master had taken Wufei even though he had received Quatre first. I wanted to tell Quatre that Master was probably just worried about his wounds, but I wasn’t sure it was true. Quatre was completely healed, and even the scars were rapidly fading. It was probably more likely that Master was just a romantic, and was waiting for the right moment to be with Quatre. That was how it seemed to me, anyway. But, again, I didn’t know for sure, and I didn’t want to falsely raise Quatre’s hopes. So, as usual, I said nothing.
Quatre predicament made me feel almost guilty the next day, when Master once again came to “help” me with my singing lessons. It didn’t seem fair that Quatre had never gotten to receive Master’s touch when I got them on a daily basis. Still, I wasn’t sure I would sacrifice my time with Master, even for Quatre. What I felt for Quatre was still young and fragile, and I had barely let myself recognize it as more than a strong friendship. What Master gave me was strong, stable, and confident. Where my relationship with Quatre was filled with dangers and uncertainty, almost certain to die a quick death, my relationship with Master Zechs seemed unwavering and eternal. There was a stability in his presence that I had never known, and I found addictive.
My time with Master was not ill-spent. We soon learned that I needed direct penetration to induce a level of vulnerability that allowed me to sing, and from there Master began to wean me of an actual act of sex being my catalyst. He began at first by touching and arousing me less, and by the end of the week I was able to sing perfectly with only a vibrator inside me. Master seemed extremely pleased, because the vibrator was something that could be hidden at Collar. And so my real practice began.
I was, of course, pleased that I had managed to make Master proud, yet at the same time I missed the time Master had spent with me. Master seemed to see this, though, so he pulled me away from the others every night that second week and took me somewhere private. It was difficult, at times, to find privacy with the house so full, and more than once we ended up in the library or by the pool. It seemed odd, how Zechs was sneaking around the others, but I did not question him. I was afraid he would decide not to touch me anymore, and I wasn’t sure I could stand that.
He would take me gently, yet using all his strength and confidence to take me to the edge. He would bring me down softly, with kisses and soothing caresses. More than once we fell asleep by the pool or in the library, less often in my bed or his. It was awkward, changing the sheets after we were done, knowing that Wufei would sleep in his bed later, or that Quatre would sleep in my room. I wasn’t sure if the awkwardness came from knowing that neither Wufei nor Quatre had been with Master yet at that time, or because none of us had ever been together. I was used to a master having four or five slaves in his bed at one time, so there was never any shyness or awkwardness between the slaves. Having never been with any of the other slaves, and with Master choosing not to take some of them, it left these awkward, invisible lines between us of what we could not do or say around one another. It was a strange feeling for me, because sex had never been something to be shy or embarrassed about in my experience, so these feelings were all new to me. Still, I couldn’t help but think it was more normal to feel embarrassed about sex than what I had been used to. Thus my feelings on the situation were mixed, at best.
Only adding to this confusion of embarrassment and lust were my feelings for Quatre. I realized fully that I felt lust for him, but the spark of something deeper confused me. Lust was something I had experienced before, but even friendship was new to me, and so this deeper feeling frightened me. I didn’t, or couldn’t, understand it, and so shunned it. Love was not something allowed to slaves. Love between two slaves would take attention away from the master, and that was not allowed. It was true that most masters demanded “love” from their slaves, but this “love” was often confused with obedience. If a slave truly loved a master they risked saying things that the master would not like, because they loved the master, or having an emotion like jealousy around the master. This, of course, was not tolerated, and so slaves did not know love.
But this Master was unlike any other master I had ever known. Could I think that I loved him? Easily. But what I felt for Quatre was different, and yet both felt like love. So which was real? Was one better than the other? Certainly what I felt for Master was stronger, but I couldn’t quite deny that this strength arose only from the conditions surrounding it, being that love for Master was not expressly forbidden, as a love for Quatre was. Then again, it didn’t help matters that Quatre had done very little that could be construed as showing favor to me. Were I to reveal my feelings about him I would risk losing everything, and for nothing if he did not feel the same. So, again, I said nothing.
But there were many things I wanted to say. I wanted to tell Quatre that his hair looked like gold when the sun glittered on it. I wanted to tell him that his skin smelled like lilacs after his bath, when I used his scars as an excuse to get close enough to feel the warmth of his skin. I wanted to tell him that he was most beautiful when he made a mistake in cooking, with flower dusting his face like diamond dust, and he would blush and smile at the same time, illuminating the room with a purified innocence and joy. I wanted to tell him that at a word from him I would risk everything just to hold him.
But I couldn’t, because I was silent.
Not everything was bad, though, as much as I tend to focus on the shortcomings. Quatre was still down the next day, and he ate very little, but the day after that was Saturday, and a sudden trip with Master found us all in high spirits.
Sally had taken three of us out already, Heero, Wufei, and me, but it was just a quick trip to a small store for some new clothes. What Master laid out for us was an all day event, complete with lunch at a restaurant. The store Master told us about was more of a mall than anything, and he even talked about stopping at the cinema for a movie.
“You’re all doing so well at your events that I thought a reward should be in order,” Master told us, smiling, “Besides, you’ll only stress yourselves out if all you ever do is work. Saturday should be a day of play, to relax and have some fun. I can’t guarantee we’ll always go out on Saturdays, but I think it would be best if we did something fun on Saturdays from now on.”
His declaration was met with nods of approval and smiles of excitement. We all loved the house, but there was something about being in one place with the same people for a long period of time that eventually made any slave feel claustrophobic. At Collar we could move freely around the whole satellite, granting that the master approved, and there was always something to do. The contrast between constantly seeing new things and suddenly seeing only the same things for several weeks was hard on us, especially because we weren’t free to improve anything. It sometimes made slaves feel trapped, and even though we were happy with Master Zechs, I think we were all beginning to feel a bit claustrophobic. Combined with the stress we all felt from our Collar events, I don’t think Master could have picked a better time for a trip.
There were precautions to be taken, of course. We all had to sit through a twenty minute lecture Friday night on how to behave in public. Of course, all slaves were trained to be able to act normal in public, and it wasn’t uncommon for a master to take a slave with him if he went out. Usually, though, the master didn’t allow the slave any free reign, like Master Zechs was giving us, and the slave was only there to help the master and to be shown off. Master Zechs was doing this both with us and for us, and it was a treat we were all very excited about.
There were a few drawbacks, though. We had to stay in a group at all times, which meant that we wouldn’t be able to visit every shop we wanted. We also had to wear tracking equipment around our ankles at all times while we were out.
“Honestly, I’m really more worried about one of you getting lost or kidnaped than having one of you run away,” Master said seriously as he showed us the ankle bracelet. It was small and inconspicuous, but once put on it would not come off without the key. “But I hope you all understand that I can’t take that chance, even if I don’t think any of you will run. The anklet will remain on from the time we leave the house until the time we return. These bands are also equipped with a very small amount of sedative. If any of you should attempt to make a scene while we’re out, I’ll only have to press a button to have you sedated. I understand that some of you might not be comfortable with this, and any one who does not want to wear this can simply stay at home. I won’t force anyone,” Master said. For a moment I thought Duo might baulk at the threat of having drugs so near him, but he only hesitated for a second, then nodded in agreement with the rest of us.
I did not hesitate in my agreement, although I was worried that the sedative might be administered by a tiny needle. Still, I wanted to go very badly, and I couldn’t see a needle anywhere on the anklet. I had no intention of causing a scene in public, so I hoped that I would have no need to worry, even if the band was equipped with a needle. If I tried very hard, I could even fool myself into thinking the sedative might be in a powder or liquid form that the skin would absorb very quickly. Regardless, I wanted to go badly enough that I tried to put the thought of needles out of my mind.

Heero 119
On Saturday, everyone woke early and began their chores in a rush. Master allowed us to have the weekend off from training and practice, and though we usually spent some of the day doing extra practice a good portion of the day was our to do as we pleased with. That portion, however, did not include chores that needed done every day. The horses still needed fed, dishes washed, breakfast cooked, beds made, and laundry washed and folded. Each of us took a different task and quickly did it while Master made calls to ensure everything was ready for our outing. By ten o’clock we had all done our chores, eaten, showered, and were ready to go.
The excitement in the car would have been ridiculous for a normal group of teens going to the mall, but for a group of slaves this kind of treat was something to be delighted in, for it was not likely to happen again. Quatre and Duo were like four-year-olds going to the toy store, nearly bouncing in their seats. It was nice to see Quatre so lively again, because the stress of his Collar events seemed to have been getting to him more than the rest of us. He had been depressed and lethargic the previous day, and even today he seemed slightly paler than usual. Still, he seemed happy enough, pointing out the window at every shop and diner that we passed, so I could only hope today would raise his spirits.
Trowa and Wufei were more subdued, but no less excited. Instead of jumping around themselves, they watched in amusement as Duo and Quatre bounced around, just as interested in what the other two were pointing out. Even Master, who watched over the whole escapade with a doting amusement, was not unaffected by the glee of his two more emotional slaves.
And so it seemed that the only one unaffected by all of this joy was me. Not to say that I wasn’t excited to go or that seeing the others so happy didn’t affect me. It was just that seeing Master like this was bitter sweet for me. We had all been so busy with our events, and Master was so busy watching over all of us, that I hardly got to see Master. With my strength training I was always too exhausted by the end of the day to engage Master in sexual play, and any other interactions between us were clinical and brief. Finding that Trowa and Master were engaging in intercourse upset me, but I was able to put it aside because it was being done for Collar, and not necessarily for Master’s enjoyment. When I heard that Master had taken Wufei, however, I could have no such delusions. Master had chosen to take Wufei for no other reason than because he wanted to.
Which left me with a question; why had it been so long since he had taken me? This question aroused doubts in my mind that preyed on my psyche, and though I fully acknowledged the damage it was doing I was completely helpless to stop it. I wondered if all his declaration of my beauty had been lies, or simply naive pronouncements from a master who had not yet seen the beauties of Collar. I was his first slave, but I wondered again if that only meant I was the first he would tire of. It certainly seemed that he had tired of me, and I worked myself at a frantic pace on all of my events to secure myself a place in his household. It seemed that I could only survive as a Collar slave, for he certainly did not want me for pleasure.
It didn’t help my psyche any that, while I spent a large portion of my time watching over Duo, it didn’t seem that the two of us were growing any closer. When I say growing closer, I mean that we were not becoming closer friends by a mutual agreement to share with one another. On the contrary, I had grown very fond of him, but it seemed that he was completely opposed to the idea of getting closer to me. It confused me greatly, because there didn’t seem to be any natural reason for him to dislike me, and our atmosphere allowed and even promoted a closer bonding of slaves. So why was he so hesitant? I began to wonder if I was no use even as a human being outside of Collar events. Was I that bad at being a person, that I was not worth befriending? It seemed that the harder I tried to get close to Duo, the more open I became with him, the faster and more violently he shied away. Was I that useless as a person? This situation, obviously, did nothing for my battered psyche, and left me to nurse my fears completely alone, watching as the others grew closer to each other and Master. I was on the outside again.
It took us nearly an hour to reach the mall, though this was mainly because Master’s property was so far out of the city. Still, as slaves, we were used to being kept from away from the public, and I’m sure all of us had experienced being hidden away in bunkers and sheds at one time or another. As slaves, we were to act like a broom or a vacuum cleaner; if we were not being used we were supposed to remain completely out of sight.
The first store we stopped at was Duo’s pick, an electronics store with a large selection of new games. Duo headed straight for the trial games and pretty much removed himself from our level of existence. Wufei rolled his eyes and marched over to the music section, where he began to flip through the classic section. Quatre took Trowa by the hand and led him to a corner of the store where sheet music was being sold, and together they began to skim through the books.
“Is there anything you want to look at?” Master asked, coming up behind me.
“I was thinking about looking at the laptops. I know we have computers at the house, but it would be nice to have something I could take with me, so I don’t have to work in the library when Wufei is teaching,” I said, then realized how presumptuous that sounded. “That is, if you should choose to buy me one. The current computers are certainly adequate for my needs...”
“I think we could work something out, if you’re sure you want one,” Master replied, “but probably not today. Look around, see what’s here, and think about it. We’ll come out again before Collar starts,” Master assured me.
“Really, I’ll be fine with the old one. I don’t want you to spend a lot of money on me,” I assured him. It was one thing to be given a gift by a master, but it was quite another to ask for it. I didn’t want him to think I was greedy.
“Heero, it’s nothing. I...”
“Ro!” Duo shouted, pulling himself away from his video game to notice me. “Come look at this! This system is so cool!”
“Ah, I had better go see what he wants before he gets the attention of the entire store,” I told Master.
“That’s fine. Actually, I’ll come with you. My servants picked out the game system in the house when it was renovated, so I haven’t been able to see what’s on the market now. It’s been years since I’ve played games like that, I’d like to see what they’ve come out with,” he said, leading me toward Duo, who was bouncing up and down at his game.
“Look at these graphics!” Duo said excitedly. “If you press this button you can totally watch people explode in slow motion!”
“T-that’s wonderful, Duo,” Master said, looking slightly ill as a male human exploded on screen, blowing entrails all across the digital scenery. Duo wasn’t the most aware slave, but even he could see Master wasn’t pleased with this game, so he quickly jumped to another down the row, this one hooked up with sophisticated driving equipment.
“Yeah, and you should see the racing games they have! It’s like you’re really driving! It has a wheel, stick shift, petals, and everything!”
“That’s actually pretty neat,” Master admitted, looking decidedly more pleased with this game choice.
“So?”
“So what?” Master wondered, confused as he looked into Duo’s excited face.
“So can we get it?” Duo asked. Master pulled back, surprised by the question.
“Duo, it’s a little expensive...” Master said, and Duo’s face fell. “Maybe next time.”
“Aw! Master’s always say that!” Duo pouted, crossing his arms over his chest in a huff. “We never get anything good! Just jewelry and shit like that!”
“Duo!” I snapped, knowing that if he made a scene the trip would cut short for all of us.
“Actually,” Master interjected, cutting me off calmly, “Duo’s sort of right, as much as I hate to admit that. You five cover all the chores around the house, so it’s not really fair that you don’t get anything out of it. If I had to hire staff to cover everything you boys do I’d probably be paying a couple hundred dollars.”
“Really? Cool!” Duo said, forgetting his original anger.
“Ah, but don’t forget that I do proved housing, food, amenities, entertainment, and schooling. That would cost quite a bit.”
“Yeah, but how much would we be left with?”
“About ten dollars.”
“Aw man! Dude, I’ll totally sacrifice the schooling. How much will that get me?”
“Duo,” Master chided, “that’s not how this works. However, you have been working for three weeks now, so you already have thirty dollars saved up. How about that?”
“Well, I guess that’s okay,” Duo huffed, then suddenly brightened. “So how much more do I need to buy the new game system?”
“$320.”
“Oh hell!” Duo snapped, throwing his hands in the air. “I’ll be eighty before I have the cash for that!”
“But you have more than enough for a new game for the old system,” Master replied, pointing to a section of new and used games. “Two if you get something used.”
“Cool!” Duo shouted and bounced off to look at the new games.
“That was really nice,” I told Master. “Most... uh... I mean, we usually don’t get money for what we do, to spend as we like.”
“Hm, but it would be cruel of me to take you all out and not expect to buy you anything. This way you can all get something you like, and I can keep some money in the bank,” Master teased, then said on a more serious note, “You know, I was serious about this. The more I think about it the better an idea I think it is, for all of you. You can spend your money today, or save it and buy something later.”
“I don’t know if anyone will save their money.”
“Why not?” Master wondered.
“It would be a risk not to use the money, in case... in case one of us should leave you,” I said, trying to keep my voice from betraying my insecurities.
“Leave me?” Master wondered. “Why...” Master began, but Duo was calling us again. “Why would you think...” Master tried again, but Duo was nearly shouting now, and Master could no longer ignore him without causing a scene. “We’ll talk about this later,” Master ordered, then marched toward Duo, visibly struggling to act normal.
What had I done?

Zechs 120
Even before we arrived at the mall I was congratulating myself on having such a great idea. Usually on Saturdays the boys each had something different they wanted to do, and something would always come up to take my attention, so we saw very little of each other during the day. This trip would keep all the boys close to me, and had already forced me to put delegate several important meetings to my employees. And, to be honest, I wouldn’t sacrifice seeing their faces for anything.
Realizing that the boys had no way to earn money put a slight damper on my spirits, but only momentarily, and the solution I decided on seemed like a it would be extremely helpful with the boys. Not only would it give me another non-violent means of control over them, but it would also get them used to another aspect of normal teenage life. Of course, an actual part time job would be more normal for boys their age, but it was not possible, and probably not a good idea anyway. It would be a little too normal for the boys, who had very little experience with normal social interactions.
The knowledge of how unsure of his place Heero had become in the last few weeks, however, was more than enough to spoil my mood for the rest of the day, but to keep from ruining everyone’s day I tried not to let my unease show on my face. There were several times in the next half an hour that I managed to get my better mood back, only to have it flee it Heero’s downtrodden face. Now, not only was Heero once again concerned with his place in the household and with me, but he was also sure that he had made me mad. And, once again, there was nothing I could do to fix it while the other boys were around me.
Once we were finished with the electronics store, Duo’s games bought and the situation explained to the others, I decided to take the boys to the food court for lunch. This may not have been one of my best ideas, because all the shops were crowded in the lunch rush and it made the all the boys nervous, but Duo most of all. After a few close brushes with other shoppers, Duo stormed off and sulked in a corner, looking like the picture of an angry, disobedient teen. I was hesitant to admit it, but he was probably standing out least of all my boys, as the others were all hanging on my every word, and instantly obeying every order.
Eventually I just gave each of them ten dollars and sent them to buy whatever they wanted. Heero retrieved Duo and sat him down at a corner table toward the back, then went to buy food for the two of them. I didn’t want to leave Duo by himself, so I sent Wufei to get us both some Indian food and stayed with Duo until the food came.
I collected the change from everyone, then ate with a steady flow companionable conversation, of which Heero did not join. He sat in silence, picking at his food, hunched up with his head hung. Quatre picked at his food as well, but he was fairly the center of attention, so I dismissed it as excitement.
I tried to follow the conversation, but I was constantly looking at Heero’s saddened form, and my thoughts became consumed with what I should say to him. We came at the tail end of the lunch rush, so in about half an hour the food court had fairly cleared out, and I felt the boys begin to relax a bit. Sensing this, I decided to make a move and pulled out the handful of pocket change.
“Why don’t you boys go make a wish in the fountain?” I asked, handing the change to Wufei.
“That’s dumb!” Duo protested, “You shouldn’t waste money like that, it’s just a scam.”
“It all goes to charity,” I protested. “Besides, isn’t it worth a try? You might get your wish.”
“Oh. Well, alright, let’s go,” Duo said, heading off. The others quickly followed, but I called to Heero before he could leave.
“Heero, you stay,” I commanded softly. “I wanted to talk to you,” I told him. He hesitated for a moment, then nodded and waved Duo on. After making sure Duo was gone, Heero came and sat across from me, hunched over and staring at his hands like he expected yelled at. I wanted to hold him, but I knew this was not the place, though the timing was probably right.
“Heero, I’m sorry,” I began, and he looked up in surprise, his deep blue eyes reminding me of what I had first seen in him. “I know I haven’t had much time for you lately, and I’m very sorry I let you think that you might not be important to me. I suppose I just took you for granted, thinking that you were secure in your place and you didn’t need my attention. I know it’s no excuse, but the others needed me. I could have still found time for you, though, if I tried. I just... I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”
“It’s not...” Heero began, then hesitated, his eyes serious as his brain tried to form the words he was already feeling. “I was secure. I knew how busy you were, and how much the others needed you. I just... I guess I got worried, when you didn’t call for me, but you called for Trowa and even Wufei. I thought...”
“You that I didn’t want you,” I finished. “Oh, Angel, that’s silly. You were always just so worn from your weight training that I didn’t want to put more pressure on you. It wasn’t that I didn’t want you, really. I had your best interest at heart when I let you sleep,” I told him earnestly, then gave him a rakish smile. “But this is one problem I can fix without too much difficulty. Tomorrow, I forbid you from doing any training. You will have to accompany me all day,” I told him, my tone implying the words I couldn’t say.
“Ah... all day?” Heero wondered. “But I should really lift some...”
“Ah-ah,” I chided, covering his lips with my finger. “I have spoken. Now, let’s get back to the others,” I said, then grabbed a tray and walked off before he had a chance to reply. He might not have said anything, but that didn’t mean my words had no effect. I could tell, just from the way he walked to meet with the others, that the weight had been lifted from Heero’s shoulders. As we approached the next shop, an oriental shop for Wufei, I could already head Heero conversing more lightly with Duo.
It took less time for Wufei to find what he wanted in this shop than it had for Duo, mainly because Wufei had an actual goal in mind. After picking up two new brushes to practice his calligraphy, which he said were much better than the quills I had given him, I managed to persuade him to pick up some Chinese herbal tea after telling him that I would pay for the brushes, since they were for Collar. He even picked up an inexpensive Chinese teapot, because, “Europeans know nothing about tea, and their pots steal all the flavor from the leaves.” He spent a moment looking at some antique Chinese swords, but passed them by after only a minute. After glancing at the price, I could understand. He still had some money left when he finished his purchases, and I was glad he had gotten something for himself while we were out. Wufei spent too much time with business, and not enough time playing or having fun. Of course, he’d probably scoff at me if I told him that. I tended to do the exact same thing.
The next store was for Trowa, and it was a small bookstore tucked away in the corner of the mall. It was much quieter inside the store than in the rest of the mall, though probably more because of the heavy carpeting and tapestries muffling the noise than because it was a bookstore. Inside, the store had a homey feeling, completed by the lighting, which was less harsh than the flourescent in the rest of the stores, and some plush chairs scattered along the bookshelves.
Wufei headed straight for the thick, hardcovered classics, Heero went for the manuals and textbooks, Duo went for the comic books, and Quatre went toward the fiction section. This left only Trowa standing in the doorway, looking around in nervous embarrassment. After a moment of hesitation, he walked to the nearest shelf and lifted the closest book. Unfortunately, the closest shelf housed only guides on dieting, so Trowa replaced the thin volume after only a moment’s glance. From there, Trowa glanced around at each of the other boys. I could almost hear his thoughts as he passed each by; Wufei’s books were too hard, Heero’s were too boring, Duo’s were too bloody, and Quatre’s... He hesitated on Quatre, then approached the section Quatre was looking at.
I, meanwhile, was trying not to hover, knowing that it wouldn’t do any of them any good to have me looking over their shoulders all the time and telling them what to do. I wasn’t really in the mood to buy I book I knew I wouldn’t have time to read, so I settled in one of the chairs facing the shelves and kept an eye on my boys.
I quickly found that all but Trowa had managed to find a section, if not a book, that drew their interest. Trowa, unfortunately, was still struggling to find something that interested him. I could see the problem with the section Quatre picked, as all the books in that section were thick with very small print. Not something that would welcome a weak reader, and it had obviously scared Trowa off as he replaced the book and moved away from the section. For a moment he joined Duo in the comic book section, but he didn’t even both to pick those up before moving on. From there he seemed at a loss as to where to go. He stopped next to one of the shelves and let his eyes travel the store, passing over the other boys, the bored-looking clerk, and the few other occupants in the store. Next he scanned the shelves, his eyes finally settling on a section of thin, colorful, large-printed novels. He looked longingly at them for a moment, but his eyes suddenly flicked to the large “Children’s Section” sign above it. He blushed deeply, pulling his eyes from the shelf, and began to walk toward the entrance, not seeing me.
“Is something wrong?” I asked Trowa as he walked by. He jumped, too far in his own thoughts to notice me before.
“Ah- um... I-I don’t think this was such a good idea,” Trowa said, blushing again.
“Oh?”
“I... I’m not all that interested in reading anyway,” he said, softly, his voice dripping with a badly hidden disappointment.
“I don’t believe that,” I told him gently, smiling. It was time for me to step in, and I was glad. Watching him struggle had been more difficult that I cared to admit. “Come, we’ll find something for you,” I told him, pushing myself from my chair and leading him back into the maze of books.
I knew what he needed; something with simple sentences and shorter words, but with enough creativity to keep his interest. Later it would be important to get him involved in long stories and complicated sentences, but for now it was enough just to have him reading and understanding the words and their connections to other words. It was also important not to let him get discouraged or embarrassed by the fact that he was not a strong reader. The fact that his reading skills were low had no effect on his intelligence or maturity, so it was important that he also be challenged and interested. And so, I settled him in front of the poetry section.
“Poems, Mas- uh, Zechs?” Trowa said.
“Mm-hm. You’ll find that poetry and singing have a lot in common, and the poems might even help you enhance your voice. Also, poetry is meant to be read out loud, so it won’t be odd at all if you want to read it to yourself. If you want something with a little more plot you might want Alice In Wonderland,” I said, pulling a copy down from on of the shelves, “It mixes a lot of poetry and wordplay in with a kind dream-story. Take a look at some of the other poems while you’re here, particularly these down here,” I said, motioning to a shelf of teen-oriented books of poetry. I didn’t want him to get discouraged again by picking up a book of Shakespeare or something. “If you still can’t find anything, come and get me and we’ll try again, alright?” I asked. Trowa nodded offhandedly, already opening the book in his hands. I smiled and walked back to my chair, where I gave them half an hour to look at books. At the end of the time I collected the boys and told them each that I would buy them one book. Duo, who had already spent all his money, had a hard time deciding which comic to get, but eventually settled on one called “Devilman: Son of Satan.” I rolled my eyes, but it was reading material, so I didn’t protest. Heero picked up a very thick, current manual on computers and webpages. I almost sent him back to pick out something less work-like, but stopped myself. If Heero was interested in computers I would be severely in the wrong to tell him not to learn about them. Quatre picked up an adventure novel about pirates on the high seas. Wufei had two thick, hardcover volumes of classic Greek and Latin stories, but since he had some extra money left I used his extra money to purchase the less expensive of the two books. Trowa showed up with five books of poetry, short stories, and a novel. Alice was the largest and most expensive, so I purchased that one. The rest ranged from $5 to $7, so Trowa had a little money left even after the rest of the books were bought.
From there we went to a fitness store, where I bought Heero some fitness equipment and he bought himself a somewhat expensive pair of hiking boots. Duo wanted a jump rope, but fortunately he was out of money, and I could easily imagine what situations Duo could create with that particular piece of equipment, so Duo didn’t get it. He pouted a bit, but I think it was just for show. Duo didn’t strike me as greedy, though he did like to take advantage of the situation when he could, and he had already gotten several things he wanted. After about a minute he was done moping and back to jumping around.
The next store was Quatre’s pick, a music and instrument store. Even though Quatre didn’t have a Collar event featuring music, he still enjoyed playing the piano, and would often help Trowa practice singing by playing the piano. Quatre and Trowa looked at some music books, Wufei examined some of the more interesting instruments, and Heero was asked to escort Duo from the store when he attempted to play one of displayed guitars badly. After a few minutes Quatre picked up three music books, two which included song lyrics and one with only music, and handed them to me. Once paid for, we headed out of the store, collected Heero and Duo, and made a quick stop at a cooking store so Quatre could get some spices and special pans for his cooking lessons. Of course, because they were for Collar, I paid for them.
Our final stop was my choice, though not particularly one I wanted to stop at. I had realized not long ago that the boys had all begun growing, both in height and weight, and had outgrown the few clothes they had brought with them. Quatre and Duo, especially, had gained enough weight that they had outgrown most of their clothes. There weren’t any quiet clothing stores, but I did manage to find one that was smaller and fairly affordable. We split into three groups to find the clothing; Quatre and Duo were about the same size, so they went one way, Heero and Wufei went another, and I took Trowa to find some clothes that would fit his tall, lanky figure. It wasn’t easy, but within an hour each boy had several new outfits for sleeping, exercising, everyday wear, and at least one outfit for more high class occasions.
From there, I decided to finish the evening by taking everyone for a smoothie. After managing the line, making six different choices, and waiting for all six to be made, we each finally got our drinks and headed back into the mall to take the trek out to the car, fully loaded with bags and gear. On the way out all the boys still seemed in high spirits, but tired from the long day. I could only hope that the sugar rush would last them until we got home. I couldn’t help but smile as I watched all the boys except Duo drag as we walked out of the mall. Of course, I was almost certain that Duo would be asleep before the first turn in the car. Honestly, I was surprised he still had this much energy with his treatments being so recently over.
The only oddity I noticed on our way out was that Quatre, who had eaten very little for lunch, didn’t seem to be as into his smoothie as I had expected. He would take tiny sips every once in a while, but for the most part he ignored it. When we were almost out of the mall, he traded his for Duo’s, saying that it was too sweet. This was odd for two reasons; one, because Duo’s smoothie was almost empty and Quatre’s was nearly full, and, two, because I knew that Quatre was actually very fond of sweet things, so it didn’t make sense to me. I worried for a moment that he might be getting sick, but he was so happy that I couldn’t bring myself to comment about it. I resolved to watch him during dinner to make sure he ate, but this resolve was soon forgotten as fatigue took its toll even on me.
The ride home was nearly silent, and Duo, as predicted, fell asleep almost immediately. It was nearly dinnertime when we arrived at the house, but everyone was far too tired for someone to try to cook, especially Quatre, so I ordered out and we all just relaxed until the food came. All the boys ate with gusto and all but Quatre went back for seconds, and from there all but Duo went back for thirds, and only because Duo fell asleep just after the second course.
Trowa and Quatre cleaned up the food from dinner, and Wufei helped Heero carry Duo up to bed. From there we all trickled up the stairs to an early bed.
In my bed, Wufei curled against my back, my mind ran over the occurrences of the day, trying to savor every moment and remember what had happened for future reference. My thoughts settled eventually on Heero, and I had to contemplate just how badly I had neglected him lately. I raked my brain, but for the life of me I couldn’t think of a single time where I had shown Heero any kind of affection. No wonder he had gotten anxious after I took Trowa and Wufei. I could make all the excuses I wanted, but as a replacement boyfriend I needed to be more aware of Heero’s needs and feelings. I would simply have to make it up to him.
Drifting off to sleep that night, a plan of action was already forming in my mind. By the end of the weekend, Heero would have no doubts about my affection.

Heero 121
The next day was quiet, and everyone seemed content to relax and play with their new toys, Duo specifically. He was up earlier than I had ever seen him, and immediately went to the game system to start his new game. I had to remind him to brush his teeth, then drag him to breakfast.
Quatre made a large breakfast on Sunday, even though Master didn’t require him to cook on the weekends. We all enjoyed the big meal, then retired to the den to play games or read. Though I was very interested in my new book, Duo managed to con me into versing him in one of his new games. Trowa and Quatre were seated together on the couch, looking through the new music books. I had no doubt they’d soon move upstairs to the library, where the piano was. Wufei was on the chair, deeply involved with his new book. The only on missing was Master.
I sighed. I had hoped, after I had talked to Master yesterday, that he would talk to me today, but it seemed that he was too busy again. I knew I was being greedy and petty, that I was lucky Master still wanted me at all, but if I were honest with myself I had to admit that I missed having his undivided attention. With Duo rejecting my every advance, even strictly platonic advances, and Master so preoccupied with Collar and the other boys, I was feeling decidedly less... warm than I had before. Master had warmed me with his touches and caresses before, and now I was left cold. It was an unpleasant feeling, but not an intolerable one, and I would simply have to bear it. I had faired far worse in the past, though it would be more difficult now that I knew how good living with an affectionate master could be.
Duo was very fond of his new video game, and it took his several hours to tire of it. I wasn’t that interested in car chases and gun fights, but I stayed near Duo anyway, if only to hear his entertaining comments when the game did not go as he liked. Even after Quatre and Trowa went upstairs to play, as expected, and Wufei went to the kitchen to brew some of his new tea, I remained curled in one of the chairs, reading my book and watching over Duo at the same time. Eventually, when Duo fell asleep at his controller, I turned the TV off and put him on the couch, where he could sleep more comfortably. Still recovering from yesterday and his treatments, Duo didn’t even stir when I lifted him.
“Did he fall asleep already?” Master wondered, surprising me as he came into the den.
“Ah- yes. It seems that sitting still was too much for him, and he dozed off a few minutes ago.”
“Hm. He’s probably still worn from the treatments. Yesterday might have been a little soon to take him out, but we don’t have a lot of time to waste either.”
“He enjoyed it greatly,” I replied, “And I think getting his spirits up is more important that keeping him from getting worn out. He’ll bounce back by tomorrow,” I assured.
“I think you’re very right about that,” he told me, coming to stand very close and laying a hand on my shoulder, “It’s much more important to raise one’s spirits than to relax one’s body,” he told me with a smile, “With that said, we should get going.”
“Going, Master?”
“Mm-hm. We’re going horseback riding,” he said, helping me to my feet. “I was thinking that you’ve done quite well in riding in the open field, but we haven’t tried you on uncertain or uneven terrain. I want to take you into the woods today, to see how you fair riding in the forest.”
“Oh,” I responded, disappointed. I had hoped Master was planning... something else, but again, he only wanted me for work.
But it was still Master asking me to go, so I dressed quickly and donned my new hiking boots, excited for a chance to try them out, even if we would be riding more than walking. In the barn, I found that Master had already saddled both the horses. My roan, Zero, neighed as I approached, and I found after a moment that his harness was a bit too tight. In the next stall, Zechs’ white stallion, Charger, called loudly to me, but he was only jealous of the attention I was giving Zero. The final horse, a filly Zechs had bought in case one of the other boys wanted to ride, quietly awaited my attention in her stall. Duo, who sometimes came to ride with me even though he was fairly hopeless as an equestrian, had taken to her immediately. She was an almost red color, young, energetic, and ornery as hell. Duo had lovingly named her Beelzebub, shortened most often to Bee. Still, she was easier to ride than Zechs’ monster, even if she was evil.
Today Bee was relatively calm, since she was the only horse that hadn’t been saddled. I assumed, as I rubbed Bee’s nose, that only Zechs and I would be riding out today. In the far part of the barn I heard a kitten give a series of frightened mews and rolled my eyes, then went to retrieve the white kitten before it wandered into a stall. I wasn’t really worried that it would scare the horses, because by now they only found the kittens a mild annoyance, but that particular kitten had gotten into several near misses with the horses’ hooves when it innocently tried to befriend them. I retrieved it and replaced it in the nest, smiling as it playfully attacked one of its siblings the instant it was released from my hands.
“Kittens?” Master wondered as he entered the barn. “Where did they come from?”
“It seems a wildcat has taken up residency here. She had her kittens in one of the empty stalls a few weeks ago, but I just found them last week, when their eyes opened.”
“They’re cute,” Zechs admitted, extending his hand to pet the white one. It immediately latched on to his fingers, playfully biting him. Zechs wrestled with it for a moment before pulling his hand away with a chuckle. “I could buy some food for them, the next time I’m out,” Zechs offered. “Feeding them would do a lot in trying to keep them tame.”
“That would be nice,” I told him, watching as the little white one finally settled down to sleep between the brown and black ones, with the tabby and the orange forming their own bundle a few inches away from the others. “We should probably get going,” I told Master, then got to my feet. Master threw another glance down to the kittens, then nodded and rose as well.
“Well, let’s mount up and ride out.”
The ride was invigorating, and even Zero seemed to be having a good time. Going out of the yard confused the horses at first, but as soon as they got their feet on the new terrain they seemed to enjoy the scenery as much as we did. We rode several miles into the woods, a distance that would have made me nervous if Master hadn’t been with me. Instead I was completely at ease as we followed the small river that snaked across the land about a mile from the house.
We left the house around noon, and stopped several hours later at a small clearing where the river was more shallow and calm. We both dismounted, covered in sweat, then allowed the horses to drink. From there Master unsaddle Charger, and after a moment I followed suit with Zero.
“We’ll let the horses graze for a bit,” Master said, pulling a blanket out of one of the saddlebags. “I brought some sandwiches, if you’re hungry,” he offered, laying out an impromptu picnic. I nodded and helped him unpack, for I was famished.
Twenty minutes later found both Master and myself stuffed to the brink of exploding, laying back on the blanket like we would never move again. Well, like I would never move again. Master, however, seemed to be making a valiant effort toward getting up.
“Come on, lazy bones,” Master teased, pulling me to a sitting position, “It’s far too hot to lay around.”
“No, it’s far too hot to move around,” I whined in protest, but stopped as Master took his shirt off and threw it at me. I caught it... with my face.
“Come on, you don’t want to ride home all sweaty,” Master said as I pulled his shirt off my face. “A quick dip will make you feel a lot better, trust me.”
“Alright,” I said, and started to undress.
I found the water was cool, but much warmer than I expected it to be as I cautiously slipped one foot and then the other into the awaiting water. I moved slowly, trying to acclimate myself to the change in temperature. Master, on the other hand, wasn’t patient.
“Bonzai!”
The next thing I knew we were both surfacing from the middle of the stream, where his running tackle had landed us. I spluttered and thrashed for a moment, but the river was only waist deep here, and I quickly found my footing. I shivered briefly because of the sudden change in temperature, but after a moment felt much better than I had on the land.
“Cold?” Master asked, drifting over to me.
“I’m fine,” I assured quickly, though there was still a slight tremor of chill in my voice.
“You were shivering for a moment,” Master said, pulling me down to rest against his chest, “I thought the water might be too cold for you.”
“I’m fine now,” I told him, and turned to face him, my body still pressing against his.
“That’s good,” Master replied, then took my lips with his own and kissed me deeply. Our tongues danced as our bodies rubbed against each other, and I could feel Master’s heat pressing against me, revealing his need. We broke apart and I laid my head on his shoulder as he stroked my back gently.
“Was this your intent all along?” I wondered quietly. Master hesitated in his motions, but continued after only a moment.
“Yes, and no. It was not my sole purposes for bringing you out here, but it was certainly not an unexpected or unwanted side effect. To be honest, I didn’t think you’d protest.”
“I’m not protesting,” I assured him. “I just...”
“This isn’t just about sex,” Master told me, pulling back to look into my eyes. “I wanted to bring you out here so we could have some time alone, because I know the other boys have been taking a lot of time away from me. I wanted you to know that just because the others are here doesn’t mean I want you any less. But, most of all, I need you to understand that if you’re feeling neglected you have to tell me, because I can’t read your mind. We’re all so busy lately that I don’t know when to make time for you and when you need time to yourself. But, really, if you want my attention, all you need to do is ask,” he told me softly, but firmly.
I blushed, realizing for the first time that I had not once in the last few weeks made any attempt to seek Master out on my own or talk to him in private. I had waited for him to call me, like most masters would, but that was not enough for Master Zechs. Most masters were children, but Master Zechs was an adult, and he could withhold his desires if he felt there was something more important at stake. If he felt that I was too busy with Collar, then he would not ask me to his bed, and it would be up to me to ask him. If I wanted or needed his personal attention, to keep my moral from decreasing and depression from setting in, I would have to ask him for it, because there were too many of us to pay each of us that much attention. Master tried to take care of all his slaves, because he cared about us and he liked to see us happy, but it would be impossible to watch over five boys closely enough to see every little thing we needed. Master was only human, and I had lost sight of that. As his slaves, it was up to us to take care of him, but instead it seemed that Master was always caring for us.
“Sometimes I don’t understand you,” I whispered as I lay my head back on his shoulder.
“Why not?” Master wondered.
“You’re so kind to us, and you take such good care of us. It... It is far better than anything we have ever known before,” I told him. I had meant it as a compliment, but Master seemed upset by this comment. It took him a moment to respond, and when he did it was a tight, planned sentence instead of his usual, heartfelt responses.
“Slaves work best when they are happy,” he said somewhat coldly. I wondered if he was mad at me, or if he thought that I only acted this way because I was his slave.
“Even if I weren’t your slave,” I said, taking a risk because slaves were never allowed to think about not being slaves, “I would still want to be with you,” I assured him, and prepared myself for anger in case my words upset him. Instead, Master smiled fondly at me, and pulled away.
“Hm. I think it’s about time I took advantage of your not protesting,” he said with a teasing smile, all traces of seriousness gone from his face as he reached between us and cupped me. “After all, you’re already wet and deliciously naked,” he said, smirking. I could only gasp as he fondled my shaft where it lay against his thigh. It wasn’t long before I was engorged with blood, leaking seed into the water.
“Don’t tease me!” I begged breathlessly, feeling Master’s length brush between my thighs. He was just as hard as I was, so I shifted and leaned back, putting myself in position so that with a flick of his hips Master would be buried within me. He declined the invitation, though.
“Minx,” he accused teasingly, then lifted us both from the water and carried me to the bank, where he tossed me onto our blanket and fell on top of me, already rubbing our bodies together. “If we have sex in water that deep, we’ll drown in the aftermath,” he informed, smiling. “Why do you think I brought the blanket?”
“Don’t... care... rather... drown!” I protested, panting as Master lifted my leg and delved his fingers inside me.
“Maybe I should toss you back in the river, to put out that fire,” he teased, reaching inside me as I hugged my left knee, giving him better access, though my fingers longed to hold his body instead of my own. I could only gasp in response as Master stretched me, his fingers brushing the sensitive inner tissues of my body as I struggled not to orgasm too early. I was glad when Master turned me to my stomach, because I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold out.
Master thrust into me slowly, and I cried out from the wonderful feeling of his swollen member stretching me, filling me. It was more than I could take, and I sobbed, wiggling my hips and trying to provoke him to move fast, but Master was in control, and he pulled back out as slowly as he had thrust in. I moaned in disappointment, then gave a sharp yelp of surprise as he buried himself quickly and deeply inside of me. It was the beginning of the end for both of us, and he rode me hard and fast while I bucked like a bronco beneath him. We both had stamina, but even that could only carry us so far, and I soon came hard with a shout, shooting my seed all over the wrinkled blanket. Master came only a minute later, filling me with red hot wetness. He fell beside me, still panting and buried inside me, but I was in no mood to complain. Still basking in the glow of orgasm and finally feeling Master’s warmth come back into me, I realized with a smile that we were both sweaty again, and in need of another dip. I wondered how long I could keep this cycle going, and which one of us would tire first.

Zechs 122
I felt a sense of accomplishment as Heero and I rode home Sunday night, even though it was nearly dark and I was sore from head to toe, from more than just the ride. I couldn’t help but feel that maybe, just maybe, I was staring to get the boys settled. After the lives of constant fear and change they had lead, I felt that I was starting to give them a solid foundation for normal life. I thought I could just see the end of the long road the boys were on.
But I was wrong. If I only knew how far we had left to go.
I slept like the dead Sunday night, feeling only a slight pang of regret that Heero wasn’t in my arms. Still, Heero had chosen to room with Duo, and I wouldn’t put Wufei out of his bed a second time. It was bad enough that all the other boys fought with anxieties, I didn’t want to give Wufei a reason to be anxious by moving him around whenever one of the boys caught my fancy. I wasn’t so shallow, though I did miss having Heero in my arms once in a while. Heero liked to curl up on my chest, while Wufei preferred to sleep in my arms, beside me. Both had advantages and disadvantages. I liked having Heero so close, but I would often regret it in the morning. On the other hand, having Heero on my chest prevented him from rolling away, as Wufei often did, so that I would have to chase after him in the middle of the night.
The next morning I slept late and skipped breakfast, going straight into another meeting about my financial situations. Preventor’s salaries were good, but not nearly enough to get me into Collar. Of course, I wasn’t facing any kind of deficit where money was concerned, and I could well afford to entertain myself with the pleasures of Collar, but I found losing a little money here and a little money there did much more damage than large purchases when dealing with thousands of different investments. A thousand little trickles eventually lets the money flow away. Even though I only handled the largest investments, there were still several hundred that needed watched, and my employees were constantly giving me requests to add or remove money from investments that were losing or gaining in profit revenues. Keeping track of my inheritance was almost like running a business, except that I didn’t have to deal with investors or bureaucracy. I was literally playing with money, but it sucked anyway.
I spent the first three hours of the morning listening to the pros and cons of taking on new businesses that looked risky, then took a break to see how the boys were fairing. Duo even managed to get me to verse him on his new video game, though I did leave after his character exploded mine’s head. Then it was on to another two hours of hearing why I should or shouldn’t pull money out of businesses that seemed close to failure. This part of business was always the hardest for me, because I knew that by pulling money out of the business I would risk shutting down the company entirely, and losing jobs for hundred of workers. I salvaged any business in low-class areas that looked like there was a possibility they might come back, but there were several that I knew would shut down with or without my help. I was just putting them to sleep early.
By the end of that work period I was more than ready for a break. I took an hour for lunch, even though I had very little appetite, a feeling that Quatre seemed to share with me.
“Quatre, aren’t you hungry?” I wondered. It was odd for a boy his age not to be hungry, ever.
“Ah-... That is, I had a big breakfast,” he replied, blushing a little. I hadn’t been at breakfast, and no one else protested, so I took him at his word, even if Trowa looked a little confused about his comment. Still, Quatre didn’t have the look of someone who had eaten more than enough. If I hadn’t known better, I would have thought he looked hungry.
From there it was back to working with my stocks and bonds for the rest of the afternoon, and Wufei had to call me three times for dinner before I could get away. But it was a sacrifice I would have to continue to make if I wished to remain wealthy and officially jobless. My unofficial job certainly didn’t make me enough to maintain this lifestyle.
To be honest, it usually wasn’t this hard. Normally I would check up on my stocks, bonds, and savings one day a week, either at the office or by phone. The reason I was having such trouble catching up was that, in preparing for this mission, I hadn’t checked on my finances in nearly three months. Combined with all the extravagant recent expenses I had been racking up and I would soon face financial trouble if things weren’t put in order, and I couldn’t allow that. Financial trouble could mean expulsion from Collar, which would lose me more than just money. If I didn’t get my money straightened out soon I risked losing the boys and not completing the mission, and that was something I couldn’t risk.
So I found myself in the awkward position of trying to balance working, playing, maintaining five different relationships, training five slaves, and trying to recuperate five damaged teenage boys. It was not a pleasant situation to be in, or one that helped at all with my stress levels. But I couldn’t let the boys see me floundering, I couldn’t let them think that there might be some danger of me falling and taking them down with me, so I took great pains to keep them from seeing how much stress I was under, and did so with almost complete success.
Quatre was to be my next worry, I found over the next few days. His trend of not eating continued, though he attempted valiantly to cover it. Repeated questions toward his health were positively responded to, and if he wasn’t sick then I couldn’t figure out what in the world was wrong with him. He wasn’t depressed and his energy certainly hadn’t suffered. I even found him running a few laps on the treadmill in his free time. But if he wasn’t sick or depressed, why wasn’t he eating? I couldn’t figure it out.
I contemplated asking Sally fro advice, but she wouldn’t be back for a consultation until Thursday, and I didn’t want making a trip out here if it was nothing. Still, I also didn’t want Quatre to go an entire week barely eating. Eventually, I became so confused that I once again resorted asking Wufei for advice.
“What do you want me to tell you? I’m barely closer to Quatre than you are,” he hedged and continued to place books on the shelf. I had thought that catching him in the library would make it easier for us to talk in private, but it seemed I had only made it easier for him to run from me.
“What about Trowa? I know he holds you in high regard. Hasn’t he said anything?” I asked, following him as he moved around the library. Wufei gave me a semi-offended, semi-annoyed look.
“First of all, if Trowa had said something in confidence to me, I would not repeat it to you. Second of all, what makes you think he’s said anything at all to me? That boy could give a mime a run for his money.”
“Stop avoiding this,” I said sternly, taking Wufei’s hand to keep him from moving away. “This is serious, Wufei. I need to know if Trowa has said anything to you,” I said, holding Wufei’s eyes with my own. After a moment he looked down, then pulled away slowly and set the rest of the books on the table.
“He’s been depressed in class lately, but he won’t tell me what’s wrong. I’m not sure even he knows, and it’s probably driving him just as crazy as it is you.”
“Damn,” I swore and plopped down on one of the wooden desk chairs. I had hoped that Trowa had told something to Wufei, because I wasn’t sure he would tell me. Trowa was very protective of Quatre, and if he thought whatever was wrong with the other boy might cause trouble he certainly wouldn’t rat him out. And if even Trowa didn’t know what was wrong with Quatre there weren’t great odds that I would find out either.
“It’s probably nothing,” Wufei said, shuffling the books on the table. “From what you told me, it could be lots of things.”
“Like what?” I asked, suddenly wondering if Wufei might know more than he was letting on.
“Like... ah... hormones,” he hedged again, suddenly nervous.
“Hormones make teens cranky, weepy, and prone to bouncing between the two. It does not kill their appetite. What else?”
“Ah... he could be anxious about something.”
“There’s nothing coming up soon that would worry him, and he’s happier than ever. Try again.”
“He could... ah... that is...” Wufei stuttered, backing away as I advanced toward him.
“I don’t have time to play games about this, Wufei. What do you know?” I growled, backing him into a corner and glaring down at him. Wufei, far from cowering, merely bit his lip and looked away.
“Slaves that are... slimmer and more feminine often have a tendency for... eating disorders,” he admitted cautiously.
“Eating disorders?” I wondered, stunned. “Like he’s purposefully starving himself?”
“Yes, and no. Slaves with eating disorders usually don’t have a lot of control over it. They don’t see themselves as attractive enough to be safe, so they starve themselves to look better. It’s a vicious cycle with feminine slaves, because the less they eat, the worse they feel, the more they believe they need to diet. The more masculine slaves have a similar disorder, though it is slightly reversed. They all use steroids and eat to gain muscle, so they all keep getting bigger, so they all need to eat more to be competitive. Many face health problems because of it, and quite a few die. Feminine slaves have become more popular recently, though, so it’s more likely see a slave with a weight loss problem than a weight gain. Surrounding slaves, our peers, so to say, are often vicious and compound the problem by humiliating the slave. Some masters, though, don’t see it as a problem, and even encourage their slaves to have these disorders.”
“You don’t think I would...”
“No. I never thought for an instant that you would encourage Quatre’s problem, but...” he hesitated, biting his lip again.
“What is it?” I prodded, desperate for more information. I had never even contemplated the possibility of an eating disorder with one of my slaves, though now it seemed a natural occurrence for these inhuman conditions.
“Knowing about Quatre’s problem might not be of any help to you. It can take years for a person to overcome an eating disorder, and I’ve never known a slave to overcome a severe case of it.”
“So you think this is severe?”
“I don’t know. There was a long period of time where Quatre was eating normally without any prodding, so it could be that he is simply feeling anxious about something and is trying to make himself safer by becoming more attractive to the master. On the other hand, there could be many other reasons to explain his period of normality in a long term disorder.”
“Like what?”
“He could have been expecting you to starve him, so he would have tried to put on weight to last him through that. He could have been attempting to recover from his sickness by keeping his strength up, and now that he’s well he’s decided to get skinny again. He could be on some sort of long term binge and purge thing where he eats for a few weeks then quits for a few more. Hell, it could come and go in phases. I don’t know!” he admitted, sighing in frustration. I backed up and sat down again at the table, giving him some space and time to cool down. But I still needed his help, so I couldn’t wait for long.
“So... should I confront him?”
“Don’t be stupid. He’ll just make up an excuse, eat fine for a couple of days, then fast again. You could even drive him into a real binge and purge sequence. He needs therapy.”
“I could have him talk to Sally.”
“It won’t help. By the time she gets him to trust her we’ll probably already be back at Collar. Besides, there’s no way he’d believe that everything he says to her won’t get back to you. If it’s something related to you causing this behavior, which it most likely is, then it would just be a waste of time.”
“Then what can I do?”
“I don’t know,” Wufei admitted sourly. “There aren’t a lot of masters who pay enough attention to their slaves to notice this kind of thing, and the ones who do don’t talk about it. I just... You’re a good man, Zechs, you’ll find a way to help him,” Wufei assured, laying a hand on my shoulder. “I know you will.”
“And if I don’t?” I asked him. “What then? Do we leave Quatre to die?”
“He won’t die.”
“People die from this all the time.”
“Weak people die from this. Quatre is strong, even if he is a slave. He will overcome it, but he needs help. You will not disappoint him.”
“And if I do?”
“You cannot. It is not who you are. You will help him, no matter what you have to do.”

Zechs 123
I gave Quatre another day to turn it around. I even suggested he make soup for dinner, in case he was getting sick. I watched closely how much he ate and drank during meals, seeing with wonder as he moved things around and slipped pieces of food into his napkin to make it seem like he was eating more than he was. His words about having just eaten, or having a large other meal, or snacking during the day were now dismissed as preposterous. Quatre was barely eating anything.
I consulted Trowa next, trying to keep our meeting brief and minimally invasive. I needed to make sure Quatre wasn’t keeping snacks in his room, and make absolutely sure that he wasn’t sick, before I could pursue him for anorexia. Trowa was hesitant, at first, to give up information, but opened up when I assured him that Quatre was not in trouble. My fears were immediately confirmed, but I did gain some relief in the knowledge that Trowa had not heard Quatre throwing up at all in the past week. It was hard enough to think of Quatre as anorexic, but I shuddered to think that he might be bulimic as well.
It was a constant struggle that day to keep from saying something, to keep from holding Quatre down and feeding him. Seeing the clothes I had bought him only days ago suddenly become loose and baggy made me cringe and look away. The bright smile he wore on his face, too, hurt me, because it suddenly seemed hollow and empty. A broken mask.
I couldn’t have lasted longer than Wednesday, even if I had wanted to. It seemed almost divine intervention to keep me from procrastinating, as Sally called to say she was busy and would have to stop by on Monday. Not even the promise of Sally’s advice would give me another day, and I wasn’t sure I could have waited for her anyway. Still, it took me all day to decide how to approach him, and I finally settled on taking him up to the library after dinner so that we could talk. It wasn’t a great plan, and it was far too close to an actual confrontation for me to be fond of it, but I was running out of patience and Quatre was running out of spare pounds.
Dinner was a long and arduous affair for me, though it was usually something I enjoyed immensely. Tonight, though, I couldn’t manage to concentrate on Duo’s story of virtual conquest, or Heero’s newest tale of feline mischief. I barely managed to rouse myself enough to congratulate Trowa on his latest scholarly achievement, and I simply wasn’t in the mood to engage in witty banter with Wufei. All my attention was focused on Quatre’s plate, and I had to remind myself several times not to stare at him. I was so out of it that it wouldn’t have taken the boys long to figure out something was wrong if they had been paying attention. Wufei, however, seemed to be at top form tonight, and managed to deflect most of the attention from me by keeping up an energetic dialogue. Only Quatre and I were mostly silent.
It wasn’t until desert that there came an opening that was slightly better than the confrontation I had been planning and dreading for later than night. It came to me as an epiphany, the plan forming almost immediately in my head. It was risky, but no more or less so than a direct confrontation. Perhaps the thing that swung my choice most was that it just felt better than the confrontation, which didn’t feel right at all. I was more confident with this plan, and confidence was really all a master was in the end, right?
For dessert, Quatre served a triple-layer chocolate fudge cake, with a thick layer of fudged in the middle and coated with a homemade chocolate butter-cream icing. The top was sprinkled with chocolate shavings that seemed to almost float on the thick layer of icing at the top. It wasn’t as fancy a dessert as Collar would require, but it looked delicious.
“Aren’t you having a piece?” I asked as Quatre deliberately passed up his own seat and served a large piece of cake to Trowa.
“It’s too rich for me,” Quatre replied easily. “Besides, I’m not very fond of chocolate,” he said, but I had little doubt that he was lying. Quatre had never had a problem with sweets before.
“I think I’ve eaten too much as well,” I said, trying to keep my voice neutral. “Perhaps I’ll skip dessert tonight as well.”
“Oh,” Quatre said, looking hurt. “Are you sure?” he wondered, causing all eyes at the table to turn to us. But I wouldn’t be swayed in my resolve, so shook my head.
“I’m sure. Anyway, what were you saying, Wufei?”
“Ah...” Wufei hesitated, staring at me deeply. His eyes asked me what I was doing, and I tried to tell him to trust me with my own. He must have gotten the message, because he dove back into his explanation of Mongolian horsemanship. He and Heero got so involved, in fact, that it occupied the attention of the table for the rest of the meal.
The meal was not officially over until all the occupants were done with their food and the conversation had finished. No one was allowed to leave until the meal was over, and this was one rule that I was very strict about. However, our meals were most often considered over when Duo began to bounce around, whining about missing his TV show.
“Please? Come on, this is the one where Truckzilla takes on Moby Suburban!” said, fairly bouncing in his seat.
“Fine, get out of here,” I dismissed, and the table began to clear out, with everyone picking up their dishes and heading toward various chores and activities. “Quatre, you stay.”
Quatre hesitated, casting a frightened glance at Trowa, who could only give him a confused stare in return.
“Go on,” I told Trowa gently, giving him a push toward the kitchen, “Don’t you have a gun lesson later tonight?” I asked. We both knew he did, so Trowa could only nod and move toward the kitchen. Wufei, too, had paused in the door way, and threw me a look telling me not to screw up before he left the room.
And then we were alone. Quatre sat back down nervously, his head down and his hands clasped in his lap as though he expected to be yelled at. But I didn’t yell, or say anything at all. Instead, I cut a large piece of cake and sat down beside Quatre. Quatre, of course, looked at the cake as though he’d never seen anything like it before, then looked at me, like he needed to know what to do with it. Again, I said nothing, merely cutting a bite-sized chunk of the piece with my fork, then stabbing it and lifting it into the air. I took a bite, savored the flavor, chewed slowly, then swallowed. Beside me, Quatre made a pained, mewling sound, and I looked up to see that Quatre was staring determinedly at his hands, a blush on his face.
I refused to allow myself any facial expression. I didn’t want to give Quatre any hints that I might know what was going on. It would only upset him more, and he might bolt.
Instead, I cut another piece of cake, lanced it with the fork, and raised it to Quatre’s lips. It hovered there for a moment as Quatre just stared, unsure of what to do. A second later, he shook his head, pulling away from me.
“Master, I don’t...”
“Quatre,” I said firmly. “Open.”
“Ah,” he hesitated.
“Now,” I demanded. Quatre seemed to see that I meant business, because his eyes slammed shut and his mouth popped open, almost without his consent. I put the cake into his mouth, then tapped his chin with the fork. His mouth closed and he began to chew, but stopped after a moment.
“Swallow,” I instructed. He took a deep breath and followed my command, swallowing like it was mud in his mouth, not chocolate.
I didn’t expect for him to start crying in the next second, but it wasn’t completely unexpected. I sighed and pulled him into my arms, pillowing his head on my shoulder.
“Shh,” I cooed, trying to calm him. “You’re not in trouble. I just... I need to know what’s wrong,” I told him, but Quatre could only sob in response. “You haven’t been eating all week, have you?” I wondered. Quatre gave a hard sob and shook his head. “I thought so,” I sighed, trying to decide what to say next. In maintaining the master and slave relationship there was no way I could tell him that I didn’t care what he looked like, so I would have to try a different route. I chose my words carefully, and spoke softly. “You must understand, I would really prefer to have you healthy than skinny. I don’t want a pale, sickly child. I don’t care what you say about this, if you’re not eating properly your concentration will be affected, and we can’t have that if you’re training for Collar. But, most of all, I want you to feel safe here. I’m not going to sell, I promise,” I told him, staring deep into his captivated blue eyes. “So I want you to eat normally again, alright?” I asked, holding my breath for his answer. He seemed overcome with emotion, and could only nod as more tears slid down his face. “That’s my boy,” I sighed as I drew him closer and embraced him.
It was several minutes before we parted again, but when we did I could tell that Quatre was feeling better. The hollowness was gone from his eyes, and he actually smiled and laughed nervously.
“I suppose you’re hungry, then,” I teased him, “Do you think you can eat the rest of the cake?” I dared. Oddly enough, Quatre blushed again and turned away.
“Um... Master?”
“Hm?”
“I really don’t like chocolate,” he admitted, still blushing.
I could only stare at him in surprise, then laughed so hard it hurt. In a minute, he joined me.

Heero 124
I tried to ignore the fact that Duo didn’t like me. The fact that something was going on between Master and Quatre kept my mind off of it for a little while, but I couldn’t really get involved in the situation because no one knew what was going on. At least, Trowa, Duo, and I were left out of the loop. That wasn’t to say that Wufei didn’t know more about the situation that he was letting on, but Wufei was never one to gossip, so there was no point in asking him.
By the weekend, not even a hiking trip to the river could completely keep my mind off of my sorrows. Not that we didn’t have a great trip, or that I wasn’t grateful to Master for giving me the chance to try out my new boots, but no matter how much fun I was having I couldn’t seem to get the buzzing of doubt in the back of my mind to be silent.
Quatre and Trowa made it worse, as cruel as it sounds. I didn’t blame them for it, but watching them laugh and hug and touch, so freely and without concern, made me feel that there must be something severely lacking for Duo to push me back so harshly. Was I that bad a person, to not deserve such friendship?
What hurt the most, I think, was that we often shared a bed. Even though we slept in the same room, Duo would often have nightmares if someone didn’t hold him in his sleep, and that person was most often me. It hurt to feel him press against me at night, knowing that he would put several feet between us the next day. It hurt even worse when I would wake up each morning and discover him gone, often sleeping in my bed instead of bearing my touch after he woke up. Was I so repulsive that he had to leap from my arms each morning and put five feet of distance between us? Was that all I was to him, a warm body and a lumpy pillow? These thoughts left me feeling cold and used on more than one morning, and they had become increasingly unbearable.
I couldn’t so much blame Duo for what he did at night, without his consent. But even awake, Duo found ways of cutting into my soul. What hurt the worst was that we were, for all intents and purposes, the best of friends. He acted like he liked me, and often hung around me even when he didn’t have to. I did many things for him, and he often tried to do things for me, though the intent was usually better than the gift where he was concerned. It was just that whenever I got close, he would still push me away. He would smile and apologize right afterward, brushing it off like he hadn’t meant it, but I always saw the fear and anger in his eyes. I couldn’t understand what I had done to gain such treatment, and in the end I just gave up. By Monday, I knew I couldn’t stand it any longer.
I found Master and Sally in his office, crowding around a small table in the back and speaking in light tones. I had hoped to catch Master alone, but with his schedule I wasn’t sure I would get time. So, instead, I hesitantly entered the office, feeling ready to bolt at any second.
“Is there something you need, Heero?” he asked politely.
“I was wondering if I could talk to you later,” I told him.
“I’ll probably be busy all afternoon. Is there something you needed? Could you tell me now?”
“Ah... I don’t want to interrupt.”
“It’s fine, I’m sure Sally doesn’t mind. Now what did you want.?”
“I wanted to know if I could switch rooms with someone,” I told him. Both he and Sally looked surprised, then immediately exchanged glances. I was aware that Master and Sally often talked about us, but I wasn’t aware that Sally knew so much about us.
“Why would you want to change rooms?” Master asked deliberately.
“I don’t my personality fulfills all of Duo’s needs for a roommate.”
“Speak plainly, Heero.”
“I think Duo would prefer to room with someone else,” I admitted.
“Why would you think that?” Sally wondered.
“He... He doesn’t like to have me around him, close to him like Quatre and Trowa get with each other. He doesn’t like it when I touch him, even if it’s accidental. He gets very angry if I try to touch him on purpose,” I said. Again Sally and Zechs exchanged worried looks.
“Is it just you that he gets upset with?” Master asked.
“Uh... That I’m aware of. The others don’t have as many chances to get close to him as I do, but I’ve never seen him react so strongly to them,” I said. Sally looked at me curiously, studying my face.
“What about the other times you’re around him? Does he try to avoid you?”
“No,” I responded quickly. “He’s very friendly. He likes to talk a lot, and he most often talks to me.”
“And what about when he needs help with something? Who does he go to, if given a choice?”
“He always comes to me. That’s why I assumed he would prefer me as a roommate, to aide in his recovery, but apparently I was wrong. Even while he recovered he would only let me close if he was in severe pain, otherwise he’d brush me off.”
“Have you ever asked him about this?” Master wondered, drawing my attention away from Sally. I hesitated, because I never had confronted him about it. I hadn’t wanted to seem needy or controlling, and now it seemed to be to late.
“I think actions speak louder than words here,” I told him, unable to meet his eyes.
“Why don’t you go get Duo, then, and we’ll see if we can’t get this all straightened out?”
I nodded once, because I didn’t feel any reply was needed, then turned and left quickly.
Once in the hall, I began to regret my decision to attempt a room exchange. If I hadn’t been at the absolute end of my rope with Duo, I certainly wouldn’t have bothered Master with my problems. But I was completely at a loss for what to do about Duo, and I was afraid of what would happen if either of us cracked and went off on the other. I couldn’t honestly say which of us was more likely to break, because I was desperate to get Duo to let me in, and Duo was desperate to keep me out. There was nothing I could do, and the helplessness was killing me. I was at the point where I just wanted him to accept my help or push me away for ever; no more wavering between.
“Duo,” I called quietly, keeping my tone neutral. If Duo thought he was in trouble he would probably fight about going down to see Master, and I felt bad enough already. “Master wants to see you.”
“Aw, now? I’m about to beat my record!”
“Come on. You spend too much time on that thing anyway.”
“Fine,” he huffed, pausing the game then tossing the controller on the ground. He pushed himself to his feet, then huffed and started to walk downstairs. In the doorway, I reached out to touch his shoulder, a last-ditch effort to convince myself that I was simply overreacting. As I expected, he flinched away, spinning the whole way around and trying to cover it with a smile.
“Come on, slowpoke. You’re not going to make me face him alone, are you?” he teased. I shook my head, feeling guilty enough to offer him a small smile. I always acted as a buffer between Master and Duo, because their powerful personalities often clashed without a mediator.
When we got back downstairs, Master and Sally were talking in hushed tones inside the room. Duo reached for the doorknob, but I intercepted him by grabbing his wrist. He glared at me, then harshly yanked his hand away from me. I managed to swallow a sigh, then knocked on the door. Only when Master had given permission did I open the door.
“So, what’s up?” Duo wondered without the least respect.
“Heero seems to think that you might prefer a different roommate,” Master said, not phased by Duo’s disrespect.
“He... what?” Duo wondered, stunned and confused.
“Ask him yourself,” Master replied, nodding toward me. I froze as Duo turned toward me.
“W-what’s going on, Heero?” Duo asked me. I opened my mouth, but could speak. I had to swallow before I could try again.
“I... I make you uncomfortable. I just... I thought you might prefer someone who makes you less nervous.”
“But... I... You... I mean... I don’t want a different roommate!” Duo snapped, stomping his foot. “You’re a great roommate!”
“But... you’re always so guarded around me,” I responded. Duo looked away, and blushed.
“I...” Duo hesitated.
“I think there’s a simple solution to this misunderstanding,” Master interjected. “Heero believes that he makes you uncomfortable because you become upset if he touches. You have assured us that you are very fond of Heero as a roommate. So, the easiest way to put Heero’s mind to rest would be for you to allow him to touch you,” Master said. Duo jumped, taking a step back, and going pale. For a moment, everything was still and silent, until Master frowned at Duo. “Is that alright?”
“Uh... Yeah, I guess.”
“Alright, then. Give him your hand,” Master instructed. Without hesitation, I extended my hand toward Duo, only to stop as I realized Duo was not reaching toward me. Instead, he was shivering, his eyes darting around in an almost panicked frenzy.
“Duo?” I wondered, mystified as to what could have caused this reaction. I suddenly realized, with a deep sense of confusion and hurt, than I had caused this reaction in Duo. That the idea of touching me was so repulsive to him that he was practically fainting.
“It’s alright, Duo,” Master said, rising to stand next to us. “Do you want someone else to do this with you?” Master asked, and I let my hand drop away, turning my face to hide tears of hurt and humiliation.
“No,” Duo whispered harshly, and I looked back to find him staring at me, his face a mask of guilt and frustration.
“Then you will have to reach out to Heero,” Master said determinedly. It was the wrong thing to say, I realized instantly, and Duo’s face suddenly went from upset to angry.
“Fuck you!” he screamed, turning on Master like a demon had taken hold of him. “Don’t fucking tell me what to do! I’m not gonna be your fuck toy so fuck off!” he screamed, then pushed over a small table housing an ornamental plant. It fell and shattered on the ground, and the sound surprised Duo out of whatever trance he had been in, causing him to come back to himself and run off.
I turned to give chase, but Master caught my arm. I looked at him in surprise, but he merely shook his head.
“Sit down,” he commanded seriously, motioning to a chair between himself and Sally as he seated himself. I sat, cautiously, afraid of what would happen next. Nothing had gone as I expected today, and now I wasn’t sure what to expect.
“Sally and I want to discuss Duo’s behavior with you, but first we need you to answer some question,” Master told me. I swallowed and nodded fearfully.
“Calm down, Heero,” Sally said kindly, reaching over to pat my hand. “Neither you nor Duo is in trouble. Zechs is just worried about you two. He’s not angry,” Sally said, giving Master a look. Master, in return, looked sheepish, and ran a hand through my hair.
“No one’s going to get punished for this, I promise,” Master assured me. “Now, I need you to tell me about Duo’s problem.”

Zechs 125
I couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen it before.
All the signs had been there, all the clues present, it was only my own blinded eyes that could have missed putting them together. The slaves had all noticed something, even if they could not name it. Only Heero, who was closest to Duo, had been able to pinpoint the cause of Duo’s erratic behavior, but even then he had been unsure of the cause. Duo hid it well.
“Has Duo ever allowed you to touch him?” Sally asked, her voice warm, but clinical, trying to keep Heero calm and make a diagnosis at the same time.
“When he is asleep,” Heero admitted.
“And when he wakes up?”
“He leaves immediately. He gets upset if I try to hold him. I’ve told you this already.”
“I know, I just need to be sure. Now, does he act differently with the other boys?”
“Yes. He is less... violently defensive around them.”
“Are they able to touch him?”
“No. He doesn’t allow them to get as close, but if they do accidentally brush up against him he’s better able to control his reaction.”
“Control?”
“Yes. He flinches, but he does not push them away.”
“What if they try to touch him?”
“He avoids them.”
“And if that does not work?”
“He will get very upset. Wufei has pushed his limits a few times, and he and Duo have gotten into confrontations about it.”
“Violent confrontations?”
“Not if Wufei doesn’t reach for him. They’re just very loud. Duo threatens a lot, but he more often runs away.”
“I see,” Sally said, quickly writing down notes on her chart. She turned to me when she finished and asked, “Can you support his answers?”
“Yes. I never noticed this behavior in Duo before, but it was there the whole time. I can’t believe I didn’t see it.”
“He hides it well,” Sally dismissed offhandedly, writing on her chart again. “With all the other things wrong with him, and the fact that everyone’s just getting to know him, I’m not surprised you missed it.”
“Missed what?” Heero asked innocently, his blue eyes wide with worry. I smiled gently at him, hoping to console him.
“We think that Duo might have a.... a sort of touch-phobia.”
“Haphephobia, to be exact,” Sally interjected.
“Ha-what?” Heero wondered.
“It’s the scientific term for a person who is afraid of human touch,” I told him, giving a look to Sally that, I hoped, would tell her not to confuse Heero any more than he already was. “We think Duo may have a psychological problem that keeps him from touching or being touched by others. So, you must see, it’s not that Duo doesn’t like you.”
“Actually,” Sally interjected, “the fact that Duo gets maddest at you might be because he likes and respects you more than the others. He lets you closer than them, so it hurts more when you cross his invisible barrier.”
“So... it’s not really his fault?”
“No,” I told him seriously. “It’s not his fault at all. That doesn’t mean we can allow this to continue, but he’s not in trouble because of it.”
“So what should I do?”
“For now, go try to calm Duo, then go back to the room the two of you share. I’d like to give him some time to calm, then try to talk to him again before we do anything. Sally and I will discuss what else we can do to help his progress, but right now I just want you to help Duo in anyway you can, alright?”
“Yes, Master,” Heero responded instantly, getting to his feet. Now that he had been given a focus point, a mission, Heero was much more grounded and centered, ready to do whatever was necessary.
“Go on, then,” I dismissed, shooing him out the door. He nodded, then was gone. I let out a long breath, feeling a headache coming on.
“This isn’t going to be easy,” Sally said as I watched the door Heero had just disappeared through.
“I know.”
“Duo’s going to fight us the whole way.”
“I know.”
“We might make things worse.”
“I know.”
“The best course of action would be to hand him over to a therapist.”
“You know we can’t do that.”
“I’m not a psychologist.”
“But you’re friends with them. Find out what we should do, Sally, because I can’t do this on my own,” I told her. She sighed and I realized that she and I were probably feeling the same things.
“I wouldn’t leave you alone with this,” she told me quietly. “I just... Zechs, this is serious. I don’t know if I can fix this.”
“And we’re running out of time,” I told her, “but all we can do is try. If he can’t allow himself to be touched I will have to drug him through Collar and any summer visits I take. I can’t afford to be seen without him, even with Wufei. Taming the Shinigami gives me too much credit not to take him, but drugging him will certainly make this problem worse. It will be almost impossible to get him to trust me if I drug him and take him to Collar. If we don’t get it to happen before Collar...”
“I know, I know,” Sally muttered, rubbing her head. “The best approach to this problem would be to send him to psychiatrist, and maybe some medication for anxiety, but it would take several months for the psychiatrist to get through to him, and I doubt he would take the medicine.”
“All time and resources we don’t have,” I replied. “So what’s plan B?”
“Plan B is risky and very likely to make things worse before it makes them better. I want to try to get him to talk to me first, but I doubt he’ll tell me anything. If he does, I’ll try to medicate him and continue therapy sessions. If not... we’ll have to try something a little more severe.”
“Like what?”
“We’ll try to break him of his fear. I’ll give you shots that will cause mild paralysis and repress his anxiety. From there you will have to desensitize him to touch without making him feel that he’s being used. Hopefully, with a lot of effort and a little luck, you will be able to break him of his fear enough to start touching him in normal situations, and progress from there. It will be much quicker than traditional methods, but there’s a much higher risk of failure.”
“Are the drugs really necessary?”
“If you don’t want him to hurt himself. He’ll fight you tooth and nail otherwise, and we don’t want him to associate pain with touch. If he’s calm, we can break that association from his mind. If he panics, we could just make things worse. There’s a possibility, also, that his body has begun to associate touch and pain on its own, because there’s a very slight chance he could remain without touch for this long on mental capacity only. The human psyche needs physical affection.”
“His nightmares could be the outlet for that need. They do calm as soon as Heero holds him.”
“It’s a good possibility, but it doesn’t really help us. We’re still working with a mind and body that fear touch. It’s risky, Zechs, and you could easily lose his trust forever.”
“We have to try.”

Duo 126
The fuckers were on to me. I had known I wouldn’t be able to get away with it forever, but I figured I could go at least a few more months. I was scared that once the big blonde badass got a taste for me he’d just keep coming back, and I wasn’t sure I could stand that. There was only one thing he wanted from me, and once he got it he’d stop being so nice and start being a real master.
At least, that’s what my head told me when I was calm enough to listen. It told me to run, scream, steal, whatever it took to keep him away from me. To keep them all away. To keep me safe.
I realized later, once I had calmed in my hidey-hole in the basement, that the jig was up. Zechs had to know something was going on or he never would have made such a weird order. Seeing me bolt like that would have only confirmed it, especially since it was Heero. If I wouldn’t let Heero touch me, who would I?
It hurt, a little, the fact that Heero had turned me in, at the same time that I kind of felt I deserved it. I had known how much my distance was hurting Heero, and I had seen the pain in his eyes when I yelled at him for touching me. If I had been kinder, I would have said I didn’t like Heero, demanded my own room, and sent him running back to Zechs. As much as I mouth about Zechs, he would have taken care of Heero. He would have taken the pain away, and he would have separated us. It would put me into an uncertain position, but it certainly would have been better for Heero than this constant limbo.
But I was selfish, greedy, and having the time of my life. I liked having someone around to share jokes with, and I liked surprising chuckles and smiles out of Heero. I wanted Heero to cuddle me out of my nightmares, even if I had to push him away as soon as I was awake. I wanted Heero to touch me, but I was afraid of it. So I kept him close, but just out of reach, because I was also afraid of being alone again. I was a coward, but I was so very happy.
“Stupid,” I muttered darkly, rubbing my eyes. Tears would not come, but they prickled at my eyes. Still, I would not let them come. I could not afford to be weak right now, not when they found out I was useless.
What good is a sex slave who can’t stand to be touched? What good is a stripper who can’t stand the feeling of eyes on him? I was less than useless, now. Without being drugged beyond comprehension I was completely unable to move, and being drugged didn’t leave me much better. My reputation had gotten me this far on borrowed time, but it couldn’t last forever. My novelty would wear off once they saw how weak I had gotten in Zechs’ hands, and that would be the end of me.
It had been a good run, though, hadn’t it? I’d had some of the best times of my life in the last few weeks. I had enjoyed over a month of being healthy, full, relaxed, and content. I was living in the lap of luxury, for a slave, without even being used for it. So what if it ended? Everything does. I’d be okay, or I’d die. There were only two choices, and neither looked particularly frightening to after everything I’d been through.
I sighed, finally coming down from my panic, and contemplated going upstairs. I could hear a cooking show on the TV, which probably meant Quatre would be in the livingroom. I hoped they’d saved my game before they sat down, but I wouldn’t be terribly upset if they hadn’t. I loved playing the game, I didn’t really care how far I got in it.
I sat back again after a moment’s thought, realizing Trowa was probably in the livingroom, too, not making a single sound. I liked Quatre and Trowa a lot, but it was hard for me to look at them. They always sat very close together when they could, and they would often hold hands or rub each other’s feet or some other sentimental crap. Whatever it was, they were almost always holding each other, and it was very hard to look at while knowing Heero wanted to do the exact same thing with me and wondering if it would feel as good as it looked. There had been times when I needed to walk out of the room just to control my own urge to have that with Heero, and other times when he had left. His leaving usually hurt most, because I knew at those times that I was the sole reason we couldn’t have that. I would see pain in Heero’s eyes and know that I had caused it when he had only been trying to help me.
Knowing I was hurting an innocent soul like his hurt me more than I’d like to admit, and sometimes it even made me angry at Heero. I would see him wanting to get closer to me and I’d begin to want it, too. Sometimes he’d try it and I’d rebuff him, causing a hurt in his eyes that made pain flare in me so that I’d have to storm off to hide it. Other times he’d simply get this defeated look on his face and move away, and damn it all to hell but I would feel so disappointed when he moved away that I’d freaking yell at him anyway. It was terrible, and in no way Heero’s fault, and it just made me feel more guilty that he was getting all the heat for it. When Zechs had laid him open with a whip in my place I hadn’t felt as guilty as this, as stupid as that sounds.
There were soft footsteps on the stairs, but there was only one person it could be, so I didn’t bother getting up. Heero and I had laundry duty together, and he was the only one who knew that I would come down here to collect myself when everything seemed to be falling apart. It was cool in the basement and it smelled like fabric softener. It was quiet and dim, like a hole in time that I could just slip into and let everything pass by. It reminded me of the streets, when the gang would find safe haven in an abandoned basement. Basements were always the best; they rarely leaked, they were insulated from the wind, they stayed warm forever if you could get them warmed up, and they just... I don’t know... they always felt safe, even if they were never the same one for long. They all somehow had that same faint scent of fabric softener, even if they hadn’t been used in years. This basement was far better than any I had hidden in when I was young, but it was still a basement.
“Duo? Are you alright?” he asked me, coming directly to where I lay, hidden about a foot back in shelves that had been built into the wall. One thing I liked about Heero was that he never beat around the bush when he had to do something. He needed to collect me, and that was what he was doing.
“I’m fine,” I told him, not making a move to come out. “Just putting my head back together, that’s all.”
“Hn. Is it... together yet?” Heero asked, surprising a bark of laughter from me.
“No,” I admitted, “but it’s about as good as it’s going to get,” I told him, then eased myself out of the hole. He offered his hand to help me up, but at least he didn’t look hurt when I refused it. After what a crappy day it had already been I wasn’t sure I could have handled that.
“I want to apologize to you incase my request creates any kind of trouble for you,” he told me, cold, unfeeling, and monotone. That voice told me that he was drawing away, not ready for the pain of dealing with me. I couldn’t blame him. “Please let me assure you that it was never my intent to hurt you. I believed that it would be better if we were not roommates. I...”
“You thought I didn’t like you,” I interjected, knowing his explanation would simply continue in this clinical description until he thought his point had been made. He was skipping around the real issue, and I was too tired for it.
“I... yes. I believed that your personality and mine could not occupy the same area.”
“Well, you’re wrong,” I told him flatly. “You are a great roommate, and I wouldn’t want anyone else. I’m the one who screwed things up, not you,” I said sadly, then headed for the stairs.
“Duo, wait,” Heero said, causing me to pause. “Master... he said you might have a... problem with-...”
“With allowing myself to be touched by others? Yeah, Heero, we all know I’m messed up.”
“No, I mean... he said it wasn’t voluntary. That it wasn’t your fault that you pulled away, and that you couldn’t choose who to pull away from,” he said. The hope in his voice almost broke my heart.
“That’s right. I can’t choose who I want to touch me... because no one can touch me. Saying it isn’t my fault is going a little far, because who’s fault is it then?”
“The masters that made you like this,” Heero offered, a hint of anger in his voice.
“We could trace this ladder all the way up to my mom for giving birth to me, or god for creating me, but it won’t do any good. I’m the one who’s here right now, and I’m the one who can’t get my head on straight enough to accept a little human fucking contact, okay? I’m the real fuck-up here.”
“You’re not fucked-up,” Heero said, coming to stand behind me. He was so close that if I leaned back a fraction of an inch I would be pressed against his chest. Got, but I wanted to. But I was scared shitless of it too. “You’re just a little... twisted,” Heero said, and I could hear the damned smile in his voice. “We’ll get you... straightened out.”
“People have been pushing and pulling me for years, trying to get me straightened out. What makes you think this time will be any different?” I asked, and Heero leaned close to whisper his answer into my ear.
“Because this time there are people who actually care about you,” he told me softly, touching me with his voice. “And because this time you actually want it.”
And he was right.

Zechs 127
Sally was right about the therapy session. It flopped completely. Duo chatted easily before the session and gave her a heartfelt farewell afterwards, but wouldn’t say two words during the session. Having a breakthrough with Duo could take months, and we just didn’t have that kind of time.
Sally still didn’t like Plan B, but we both acknowledged that it was necessary, so she had no choice but to set me up for it. The plan was to create a period of time in which Duo would have to maintain physical contact with another person. We didn’t want to isolate or ostracize Duo, so the period of time would coincide with a movie, to distract the other boys from Duo. I could only hope that by doing this exercise in a normal situation Duo would begin to feel more relaxed in other situations that called for touch. As it was only the direst circumstances could cause Duo to reach out for physical reassurance, and this phobia had to be putting great stress on his psyche. It could very well be the cause of his erratic behavior and violent mood swings.
I rented an action move, something loud that would be hard to look away from. It was also one of Duo’s favorite kind of movies. I wasn’t hesitant to admit that I felt bad about Duo’s situation, and even guilty that I hadn’t seen it sooner. These feelings did not waver my resolve... but it did get him two quarts of chocolate icecream.
Sally and I decided it would be best to inform the boys and Duo of the situation separately, and then she decided it would be best if I did it alone, and left. It took all my self control not to throw a rock at her van as she pulled away, but I knew if she didn’t have so much to do at the hospital she would have stayed to back me up. That didn’t mean I was any less alone, but it did keep me from being angry.
Duo took the news that he would be drugged and touched about as well as I thought he would, and I spent the rest of the night nursing a bruised cheek. Even my assurances that if Duo thought he could do it without drugs we could try it that way at any time did not reach him. The fact that I was going to have to inject him with the drug, however, did reach him, and in retrospect I really should have been more prepared for him to deck me. Maybe I deserved it.
The others took the news better, meaning that I didn’t get a fist to the face.
“You can’t... I mean... Duo hasn’t... He...!”
“Calm down, Quatre. I’m not punishing Duo,” I told him, then muttered “Though after that punch last night I was considering it.”
“What?”
“Uh- Nothing. Just... Duo’s not in trouble about this.”
“Then why the drugs?” Wufei asked. The four of them were assembled in the living room, seated comfortably across the various couches. I sat in the plush chair, watching the various emotions play across their faces. None of them were as close to Duo as they were to Quatre, and it was a little bitter for me to realize that if I had suggested this idea for Quatre instead of Duo, everyone would have been outraged. It only mellowed it a bit to realize that the separation was Duo’s own fault. After all, there’s only so much affection that can be created at arm’s length.
“I don’t want Duo to hurt himself. I have no doubt that Duo would fight us to the point of injury.”
“But if he’s fighting us so hard, isn’t there probably something to be afraid of?” Trowa wondered, putting a comforting hand on Quatre’s shoulder, who was very upset by this.
“There would be, if you believe he should be afraid of us,” I replied steadily. “I understand that other masters have given Duo this fear, and that at the time it was completely reasonable to have it, but things have changed now. I don’t intend to harm or... share Duo. This fear is only going to hurt Duo if we allow it to continue.”
“But... won’t he come out of it on his own?” Quatre asked hesitantly.
“He... might. There’s a possibility that with time and therapy his mind could fix itself, but... I just don’t have that kind of time, Quatre. Duo will be coming to Collar with us, and I can’t have him throwing a fit every time someone brushes up against him.”
“But do you plan to force him to have sex at some point?” Wufei asked, always to the point. I had to hesitate before giving this answer, for in all these preparations I had never once thought of that.
“I... yes,” I admitted, trying to hide my own shame at that admittance. To be honest, Duo was beautiful, but as of yet he had not done anything I had thought of as alluring. The other masters might be aroused by screaming, growling, hissing young men, but I was not. “At some point, before the Collar competition begins, I will have Duo. I am capable, however, of being patient. There are three months left before Collar. We have time to help him overcome this problem, and if overcoming this problem will not only help his mental health, but may also allow him to accept my... advances later on,” I told them, then waited for a reaction. It was Wufei who made the reply.
“It would be... unrealistic of us to believe that you would not want to have Duo. We are here for that purpose and that purpose alone. If you had said anything else we would not have believed you. I...” Wufei hesitated, blushing mildly. I knew it was hard for Wufei to speak about personal or intimate matters. “I believe Duo would be better off accepting your advances than the advances of any other master. Even if you can only give him a few months to overcome this fear, you are still doing much for him by allowing that time to heal. I will help in whatever way you believe necessary.”
“Thank you, Wufei. I will not betray your trust.”
“What exactly are we expected to do while he is drugged?” Heero asked. It was normal for Heero to want to get all the information before involving himself, so I wasn’t surprised that he had more questions.
“You are all supposed to watch the movie and pretend that nothing is different. This exercise is to get Duo accustomed to friendly touches, so only touch him as much as you would each other. Also, I doubt Duo will be in full control of his mouth, so please don’t be upset by anything he says. He’s going to be very upset, but he is fond of all of you. Heero, I think I’m going to have Duo lean up against you while we watch some of the movie then bring him over beside me later on, because the exercise will be almost useless if he gets to curl up in the corner of the couch. Otherwise you don’t really have to do anything.”
“How long will the drugs last?”
“Under two hours. Plenty of time to watch a movie.”
“Are there any side-effects?”
“Drowsiness and drymouth. Possible dizzness if he tries to walk, but I’m setting this up so that he can watch the movie and go right to bed. Just make sure he has a glass of water beside the bed and you should be fine. I will want you to keep an eye on him at night, just to be sure he doesn’t get nauseous.”
“Accepted,” Heero replied, his features drawn and serious. I knew it was only because of his worry for Duo that he was acting so... mechanical.
“Quatre? Trowa? Do you two have any questions for me?” I asked, but the two merely shook their heads. “Well, if no one else has any questions, we’ll try the first session tomorrow,” I said. It was a dismissal, and everyone knew it. It was late, and I was tired. I wanted nothing more than to go to bed and forget about what was going to happen tomorrow. Wufei, thankfully, could see how dead I was, and shooed the boys before pulling me up the stairs. I almost fell into bed, and if Wufei hadn’t been there I probably would have slept on top of the covers, fully dressed.
“You’re really worried about Duo, aren’t you?” Wufei asked, putting me to bed. I could barely move my body, exhausted from the day’s trials.
“Why would you think anything else?” I wondered in return.
“Well... you two seem to hate each other, that’s all. It surprises me that you’re so concerned for him when you can only tolerate him on the best days.”
“I do admit that Duo and I don’t get along, but... he’s a good boy at heart. You don’t blame a dog for becoming vicious after being abused, but you do try to teach it not to bite.”
“Which can almost be taken literally in Duo’s case,” Wufei mused as he climbed into bed.
“He does have some bite to go along with the bark,” I replied softly, settling him into my arms. He curled against me like a puddle of warmth. I couldn’t have kept my eyes open if I had tried.

Zechs 128
At half past seven the next day, I sent Heero outside to check the horses. Of course, there was no real reason for him to check the horses, but I knew better than to allow him inside when we tried to drug Duo. Knowing how close they had gotten, it would just be too much for him.
Everything had been arranged for what I was beginning to call “touch time.” Sally had sent the drugs over early this morning, and I had found to my pleasant surprise that the injections were more like darts than syringes. The entire shot was about the size of my thumb, housing a sharp but small needle and only a few drops of potent medicine. As it only affected the muscles, it could easily be injected in somewhere other than the arms, which would be hard to hold still on a thrashing teen. Sally suggested an injection target of the lower back, which would be easier to hit and quicker to spread the medicine than an arm.
Along with the shots, other preparations had been made for tonight. A few late-night practices had been moved to an earlier time, opening a two hour slot between eight and ten. Popcorn had been ordered and made, along with a special brand of hot-chocolate Duo enjoyed. Everything possible was being done to create an enjoyable evening, but the boys still anticipated it with a sense of dread, and Duo was downright terrified as the night approached. He made several unsuccessful attempts to hide during the day, and eventually settled on moping in the kitchen with Quatre.
“Hey, Heero, where ya goin’?” Duo asked as Heero went for the door.
“Master wanted me to check the horses,” he replied, pausing in his steps.
“Oh... uh... I’ll go with you!” Duo said suddenly, jumping up with a nervous tension.
“Sit down, Duo,” I instructed. Duo halted, but refused to sit, only glaring at me. I was picking my battles tonight, though, and turned to Heero instead. “You can go,” I said, giving him a dismissive wave. He hesitated a moment more, his guilty eyes locking with Duo’s fearful ones, then lowered his head and walked out the door. Duo made a whimpering sound, then tried to cover it with a cough.
At that time, Trowa and Wufei walked in. I was glad, because I needed to go to the medical room and get the shots, but I didn’t want to risk Duo making a run for it.
“You stay here,” I said to Duo, but aiming it more at the others. I knew Wufei had gotten the message as he sat down beside Duo at the counter. Trowa, on the other hand, followed me as I walked into the hall. He waited until we were out of hearing distance before he spoke to me.
“Why did you send Heero outside?” he asked. “Don’t you think Duo will want him here for support?”
“Duo will want him here to protect him,” I responded, pausing to meet Trowa’s eyes. “If it were Quatre in Duo’s place and you in Heero’s, would you be able to stay and watch?” I asked, knowing how violently Duo was about to fight us. Trowa could only lower his eyes and shake his head. “I thought not,” I said quietly, then resumed the walk.
The trip to get the shots and the return seemed to take no time at all. In the blink of an eye, it seemed, we were back in the kitchen doorway. The mood had gone from foreboding to tense and terrified. Duo was hunched over the kitchen counter, his head buried in his hands, his shoulders tense enough for the muscles to stand out. Beside him, Wufei was half-way out of his seat, ready for Duo to bolt for the door. I hesitated in the doorway; this was one part of the night I had not planned intricately, and now I was at a loss for what to do.
Duo was the first to take action, as he spotted me and finally gave in to his instinct to run. He had only taken two steps when Wufei grabbed his arm, spinning him around and pinning him against the counter. Trowa moved in a moment later to grab Duo’s other arm, helping Wufei hold him as he thrashed and cursed. I heard Quatre take a sobbing breath on the other side of the room and quickly leave the kitchen, but I was too busy setting up the needle to worry about him.
Duo, still pinned between the two larger teens, cast a glance at me over his shoulder and saw the needle, his violet eyes filling with fear. He screamed and began thrashing again, casting Trowa and Wufei back and forth like a storm, but they never let go. The strain of those motions was too much for him, and he quickly tired to a level that Trowa and Wufei could control. His cursing continued and his breaths were coming in sharp, wet gasps, but at least he was still.
I finished the needle and approached them, causing Duo to once again jerk frantically, but this time Trowa and Wufei were ready.
“Pull up his shirt,” I instructed, and Trowa quickly released Duo with one hand to pull up his shirt, revealing the milky-white flesh underneath, while Wufei carefully lifted one hand to move Duo’s braid aside. It seemed sad, somehow, to mar this creamy expanse of perfect skin, but I knew that tarnishing his skin would help to save the boy beneath, so I did not waver. I placed a hand on his hip where his low jeans gave way to silky skin to steady his thrashing body and positioned the needle. Duo screamed again, sobbing hysterically now and thrashing like a man on fire, but Trowa and Wufei held him firm. As quickly as I could I inserted the needle, injected him, removed it, and cast it aside. From the way he screamed I doubted he could even tell when it was over, and probably barely felt it go in, but the results were the same.
Trowa and Wufei held Duo even after I had backed away, though he barely struggled. After a moment he sagged against their arms and Wufei moved in to hold him, but with the last of his strength Duo pushed the both of them away. He was sobbing brokenly now, and it seemed that the two were moved back more by the power of his despair than by his physical assault. In another minute he was too weak to hold his head up, leaning heavily on the counter as he sobbed violently into his arms. A minute more and he could not even stand, slipping slowly to the floor, sobbing all the way. I motioned for Trowa to move in after that and carry Duo to the couch, then gave Wufei instructions to fetch Heero. Wufei nodded and set out as Trowa bent and lifted Duo into his arms, acting for all the world like Duo was made of crumbling China. Duo didn’t even acknowledge Trowa, sobbing brokenly and using Trowa’s shirt to hide his face. Quatre scurried out from wherever he had been hiding and fluttered around Duo. I noticed that Quatre was looking pale and wondered if he had forgotten to take his pills today, or if Duo’s outburst had affected him that much.
I sighed wearily as Trowa rounded the corner out of my sight, then picked up the syringe, discarded the needle, and placed it into the case with the others. The syringe could be cleaned and reused, though the needles could not. I turned heavily, feeling tired as I moved to return the case to medical room. I wondered if it would be like this every night, and if Duo or myself would crack first. I wasn’t sure how much more of this I could take.

Heero 129
When Wufei came out to get me, I had stopped bothering with the excuse of checking the horses and was curled up with my knees to my chest beside the nest of kittens.
“How is he?” I asked instantly. I don’t know what I was hoping for him to say, because we both knew Duo would fight the drugs as violently as possible.
“Upset, but not hurt. Though I have to say that Zechs was right about him; he fought us as hard as he was able. If Trowa hadn’t been there I probably wouldn’t have been able to keep him from hurting himself,” Wufei said, and I felt a sharp pang of guilt. It should have been me there, holding him, calming him, but I was too afraid. Instead I had left him to face it alone.
“There was nothing you could have done,” Wufei said suddenly, giving me the look he usually gave Duo when he was being purposefully ignorant. “Having you there wouldn’t have changed anything, and it might have made him more upset. Do you really think Trowa or I would have hurt him? Would Master? You did not abandon him, not so long as you help him through the hard part.”
“The hard part?” I wondered. Wufei nodded.
“Getting the drugs into him was the easy part, because it only takes a few seconds. The hard part will be to stay with him while the drugs are in his system, while he’s open and vulnerable. He didn’t need you then, Heero, but he needs you now,” he told me. I rose instantly, my former depression leaving me.
“Then I should go to him,” I responded as I walked toward the door.
“You should,” Wufei acknowledged, following me. I managed to make it out of the barn before I broke into a run, desperate to see Duo, to make sure he was alright.
I found Duo alone, in the livingroom, weeping into a couch cushion. The others were close by, keeping watch, but giving Duo some space. I couldn’t manage to, though, and I wasn’t sure if space was what he really needed. It was what had gotten us into this mess, after all, so it seemed senseless to give him more now.
So I sat down beside him instead, placing my hand on his back. He tensed, and I don’t doubt that he would have pulled away had he been able, but instead he simply intensified his crying.
“Shh,” I whispered, pulling him closer. It tore at me to hear him weeping, to see him crying like this when he had held the tears in for so long. To be brought so low by a simply touch... he needed to rid himself of this, or it would consume him. “It’s just me,” I assured him, pulling him into my arms and basking in the feeling of having him, awake, in my arms. I had often wondered in the past if perhaps I dreamed his sleeping form into my arms, for like an incubus he never stayed past dawn. My frightened demon.
“H-Heero?” Duo asked brokenly, his voice we with tears.
“I’ve got you,” I whispered gently. It was enough to break the little control Duo had gathered to speak to me, and he attempted to turn toward me, but the drugs prevented him from moving more than his head and shoulders. I had to turn him to face me, and by the time I did he was sobbing harshly again.
“Don’t leave me!” he begged between sobs, “Please, I don’t...! I can’t...! I-I-...”
“Stop,” I commanded soothingly, “You’re going to hurt yourself,” I warned, seeing that he was about to hyperventilate. “Just calm down. I won’t leave you, not for an instant,” I assured. He gazed up at me, searching my eyes for more assurances, and must have found what he was looking for. He nodded after a moment and lowered his head to my chest, weeping uncontrollably.
Wufei was right, it was difficult to sit there with Duo, allowing him to cry into my shirt. It was far harder than I had thought it would be, but I wouldn’t have left for anything. Duo needed me, and for once he was letting me close enough to help.
I sat with him for fifteen minutes or so while the others came in and out, bringing in popcorn, getting drinks, setting up the movie, and just generally covering up the fact that they were checking on Duo. Quatre came in to ask what we wanted to drink, because I certainly wasn’t going to move to get them. Duo asked for a soda, which was something that he liked to sneak even though Master didn’t let him have too much, and I was sure that Quatre would get it for him, but Master intervened, saying the caffeine wouldn’t mix well with the drugs. Duo and I both got a tropical drink that Quatre mixed which Duo liked almost as well, and Master treated Duo to a box of chocolate bonbons that almost made him stop crying.
The start of the movie, however, created another fit of weeping when Duo realized that everyone would be sitting near us on the couch.
“Why can’t they s-sit so-somewhere else?” Duo sobbed, unable to do more than curl toward me.
“Because that would defeat the purpose of this whole night,” Master responded, sitting down beside Duo on the couch. Duo glared angrily and managed to push at Zechs’ arm weakly, but nothing more. Zechs merely rolled his eyes and reached for the popcorn, brushing against Duo’s shoulder as he leaned past. Duo jerked like he had been stung, then began to weep again.
“You did that on purpose!” he accused angrily.
“Of course I did,” Master responded, popping a handful of popcorn into his mouth and passing the bowl on down to Wufei, and then on to Quatre and Trowa. Master had, at least, allowed Duo and I to take the corner, and not the middle of the couch. I wasn’t sure Duo would be able to stand worrying about touch from both sides. “Be quiet now, the movie’s about to start.”
“Oh fuck you!” Duo snapped, glaring daggers at Master. The room went quiet, all eyes turning to Master and Duo.
Master, for his part, didn’t get nearly upset as he usually did. He merely turned to Duo, took his chin in his hand, and turned Duo’s face to look at him.
“Don’t curse,” Master commanded with a dangerous quiet. Duo’s eyes pooled with tears, and Master held his face a moment longer before releasing him. I helped Duo turn in my arms and he buried his face in my chest, weeping softly.
I don’t think anyone really watched much of the movie. Between Duo’s soft sobs and panicked gasps whenever anyone touched him, most of the attention was on him and not the movie. Duo certainly didn’t see any of the movie, for his face was always buried in my shirt if he wasn’t accepting a bonbon or drink from me. Still, I was glad there was something to stare out other than Duo, because that would have only made things more awkward and humiliating for him. It was bad enough that the others had to see him cry, but at least they could pretend they didn’t hear him and save a little of his pride.
Everything was going... as well as can be expected until about half way through the movie. Duo was almost asleep when Master turned and reached for him.
“Master... what...?” I wondered softly over Duo’s head.
“He can’t just hide in your arms all night,” Master replied. “Hand him here.”
“No!” Duo yelled, coming awake instantly. “I want- I want to stay here!”
“What you want isn’t really important here,” Master countered. “Don’t make a scene,” he said, but we both knew Duo would. He tried to grab my shirt as Master lifted him off my lap, but he was too weak to hold on. I was helpless to do anything as Master pulled him away from me and set him between Trowa and Wufei.
It was more than I could take, and despite Master’s commands I began to reach for Duo, but Master intercepted me, pulling me into his embrace.
“He’ll be fine,” Master whispered reassuringly in my ear as he restrained me almost as I had been restraining Duo only a moment ago. Master’s hold calmed me, but I could not be distracted from the sound of Duo’s weeping sobs. Over Master’s shoulder, I saw Trowa cradle Duo’s head to his shoulder while Wufei stroked his back. Quatre, more affected by the emotions of others, gently stroked the stray hairs from the side of Duo’s face, trying desperately to withhold his own tears.
“Do you want a drink?” Trowa asked him softly. Duo sniffled, then nodded. Trowa nodded to Wufei, who pulled Duo up and held him in an upright position. Duo’s eyes were slammed shut and he was shaking with the strain of not jerking away, but this tears had been reined in.
Everyone shifted, Quatre moving to get the drink while Trowa moved to help support Duo’s head, since he seemed to be having trouble holding it up. Trowa laid a hand along Duo’s face, and even though Duo flinched at first he seemed grateful to Trowa for taking the weight off his neck. Quatre brought the drink up and held the straw to Duo’s lips. Duo tried to raise a hand to hold the glass himself, then blushed as his hand dropped back to his side. Tears of humiliation in his eyes, Duo accepted the straw from Quatre and took a long drink. He pulled back when he was finished, hiding his face in Trowa’s shoulder. Quatre placed the glass back on the table, then reached out and stroked Duo’s arm, only looking slightly hurt when Duo flinched. Far from being discouraged, Quatre took Duo’s hand in his own, lacing their fingers and stroking the back of his hand. After a moment of hesitation, Duo squeezed Quatre’s hand reassuringly.
Duo stayed between Trowa and Wufei for another twenty minutes, until Master noticed his eyes starting to droop and had him placed back in my lap. The shift startled Duo, and he struggled a bit as we moved him, but he quickly calmed again in my arms. By the end of the movie, he was sound asleep.
“Do you want me to take him?” Master asked as the others began to clean up.
“No. Could you hold him for me while I get up? I think my legs have fallen asleep,” I replied, and let Master pull Duo from my lap. Duo stirred slightly, but quickly settled again in Master’s arms.
“Sally did say the pills would make him drowsy,” Master commented as I rose and rubbed the pins and needles out of my legs, “He’ll probably sleep all night.”
“I’m sure he could use it,” I commented in return, taking him from Master as soon as my legs were steady.
“Make sure you take him a glass of water,” Master reminded. I merely nodded. Feeling that Master had something more he wanted to say, I hesitated for a moment, but when no words were forthcoming I began to walk upstairs. I stopped in the doorway, turning back to Master, who was staring unseeingly at the couch where we had just sat.
“Duo needs this,” I told him solemnly, not knowing where the words were coming from but feeling that they were right. “He can’t go one like this, and we all know it. Even if... Even if Duo doesn’t like it now, he... he needs it. I’ve seen the way he acts, the strain on his mind, and the nightmares at night. He can’t continue like this, pushing people away, rejecting any kind of support. He needs...”
“He needs us,” Master said with a small smile, placing a hand on the side of my face. “I get it. Thank you,” he said, gently kissing my forehead, “but you need to take care of Duo. I... I appreciate the support, though,” he said, smiling gratefully at me.
“I know how hard it is for you to hurt us, even if you’re trying to help,” I told him. “I just wanted you to know that we do appreciate it, even if we don’t always show it.”
“And by “we” you mean “Duo,” correct?” Master said, smiling ruefully. “Ah well. Go on, now. Get him to bed,” Master said, giving me a playful push toward the stairs. “It’s passed your bedtime anyway.”
I shot Master a playful glare, but headed for the stairs anyway. After almost two hours of emotional upheavals, I was ready to sleep. With Duo in my arms, I climbed the stairs quickly and shuffled into our room. Duo went easily into his bed, though I didn’t expect anything else since he had been lead weight in my arms all the way up the stairs. I managed to get him out of his clothes and into his pajamas, then covered him and went to change into my own. I took the time to fetch Duo a glass of water from our bathroom and set it on his bedside table, knowing that Master would be upset if I forgot. Once that was done, I hesitated, staring at my lonely bed. I glanced at Duo only to find that a frown was forming on his face. That was all the temptation it took for me to snap off the lights and crawl into his bed. He curled into my arms, as though approving my decision. I smiled as he slept in my arms, snoring lightly. In a few moments, I joined him.

Zechs 130
Duo’s treatments continued for the next two nights, then I planned to call a halt to them for the weekend. During the day Duo was still aggressive, prone to fits of anger and extreme agitation. His personal space bubble enlarged to almost twice its original size, and he became very unhappy if anyone invaded that bubble. Heero could get away with it, sometimes, as long he didn’t try to touch him. If someone did manage to touch Duo only Heero could talk him back down, and I guessed it was probably something left over from that first night. I couldn’t enter the same room without getting a searing glare from him, though Sally did receive the same treatment the one time she stopped by and tried to talk to him. Sally suggested I give him a little more time, but my patience for Duo’s behavior was running thin.
The treatments themselves improved, marginally. He wasn’t as panicked during them as he had the first night, but he still fought us just a hard before them. They were still bad enough that I had to send Heero out of the house, but not bad enough to send Quatre crying from the room. That, or Quatre had just gotten used to Duo’s temper tantrums.
But Duo was not my only worry, I realized soon. Not even a week after our discussion about his health and Quatre was once again starving himself, though much more mildly this time. To be honest, I had noticed his taking smaller portions even before Duo had started his touch-therapy, but I had hoped it was something that would pass. After our previous talk, I didn’t want to think that Quatre hadn’t listened and that drastic measures may need taken. With things going so wrong with Duo, I wasn’t sure I could handle Quatre’s problems again.
By Friday, though, I knew there was no way around it. Quatre was losing weight again, and though it was at a much slower pace this time it still wasn’t good for his body to be denied nutrients at this stage in his recovery and development. Even a diet could do serious harm if it kept Quatre’s body from getting the nutrients he needed. Quatre was simply too skinny to lose any more weight. It was risky with the low body fat and muscle content of his body to try to take any more out, and he could easily damage his organs.
Besides, I didn’t like twig-boys anyway. I’d be more attracted to him if he put on a few more pounds, not less.
It was Friday afternoon by the time I got up the guts to talk to Quatre again. I had to take a little time before hand to prepare myself, to remind myself that Quatre wasn’t deliberately disobeying me and getting mad wouldn’t things. It was easy for me to forget these things, to blame Quatre for putting himself through this when I specifically told him it wasn’t what I wanted, but my heart knew that Quatre was only trying to please me, and that made it easier.
I called for Quatre at three o’clock, a free period that he usually spent watching Trowa practice his interpretive dance routine.
“You wanted to see me, Master?” he wondered as he entered my office. His face was beginning to look a bit gaunt, but he hadn’t lost his color like before. He might not be starving himself like before, but these eating habits would have to stop.
“Yes, I did. Please have a seat,” I told him motioning to the chair across from me. Quatre sat nervously, constantly casting glances at his hands. “Do you know why I’ve called you here?”
“No, Master,” he responded, guiltily avoiding my eyes.
“I think you do,” I replied, standing and walking to the window. “You’ve stopped eating again, haven’t you?”
“I... ah... not exactly. I’ve just been eating less,” he replied, rubbing his hands together in a nervous gesture. I had to hope he didn’t faint before I could wheedle the reason for all this out of him.
“When you need to be eating more. Tell me, why would you go on a diet when I specifically told you not to?”
“But you didn’t!” Quatre insisted, his voice almost panicked. “You said I couldn’t stop eating because it will hurt my concentration in practice, but I diet won’t hurt my concentration at all!” he reasoned. “If I go slow with the diet, I’ll be fine.”
“You know that’s not the only reason I told you not to diet, little one. And I specifically said not to stop eating, while I only gave vague reasons why you shouldn’t. So why would you take the risk of dieting when it could very easily be considered the opposite of what I wanted? You’ve never been disobedient before, Quatre,” I said, baiting him.
“I’m not!” he cried out, just as I had hoped. “I just... I just...”
“Just what?” I asked him, moving close to his chair. He was very upset now, and I knew that I had the best chance of getting the truth out of him if he was upset. So I went for the kill. “I know you must have a very good reason for doing this, and I’ll be very upset if you don’t. Would you care to explain it to me, Quatre?”
“You don’t want me!” he sobbed, his control splintering under my interrogation. “You don’t desire me at all! I thought... I though if I...” he tried, but dissolved into tears before he could finish. I pulled a chair over and rubber his back, calming him until he was able to speak again.
“What would make you think I don’t desire you?” I asked him. In truth, Quatre was a little too innocent for me, but I could see myself teaching him the art of love-making without any trouble. The biggest problem was that Quatre had yet to show that he would even be open to any kind of advance from myself, and I was having trouble coming on to him without any kind of invitation. I didn’t want to force him or scare him into submission. I hoped that he would come to me of his own will, but that was starting to look like a hopeless dream.
“Y-you’ve taken all the other boys except me and Duo, and you t-talked about taking Duo after he was better, s-s-so it was just me that you never t-tried to t-take. I just... I wanted to have what they had with you. You always seemed so much closer to them, especially afterwards, that I felt like I was missing something. I thought...”
“I know what you thought, little one, but it’s not true,” I told him easily, smiling reassuringly as I wiped away his tears. “I can prove right now that I desire you, Quatre, if you would like,” I said, my tone implying a question. It was not hard to imagine myself taking the beautiful blue-eyed boy beside me, and I almost grew hard with anticipation, but I didn’t want to pressure him, so I controlled myself.
“But I don’t want to!” Quatre sobbed, burying his head back into my chest. I had to blink a few times to allow the words to settle.
“You want me to desire me, and you’re jealous that I’ve had the other boys, but you don’t want me to take you?” I wondered. “Quatre, that’s...” I began, confused and annoyed. I hadn’t thought of Quatre as jealous or prudish, but his actions said otherwise.
“No!” Quatre gasped, moving away from me to look into my eyes. “I want... I want what the others have! I want you... I want you to be with me,” he said, then his face began to crumple, “But I don’t want to do that!” he cried, and returned to his steady sobbing. I took a deep breath and patted his head where it had fallen against my shoulder, trying to understand exactly what was going through his head.
“So, let me get this straight. You want to be with me like the others have?” I asked. Quatre merely nodded against my shoulder. “And because you so desperately wanted to be with me, you starved yourself so that I’d like you better. And even when I said I didn’t want you to stop eating you still couldn’t stop because you thought I wasn’t aroused by you?” Again, Quatre merely nodded. “And you think the only way for you to stop feeling like your inadequate is for me to take you, just like I took the other boys?” Another nod. “But you don’t want to have sex with me?” This time a whimper and a nod, followed by several quick sobs. “Quatre, that’s ridiculous.”
“I know!” he gasped, crying hard again. “I just... I want to give you something back, for all the trouble you’ve put into me. I want... I want to give you a part of myself, like the others have. And I want for you to want the part of me that I’m offering.”
“But you’re not offering,” I told him, trying to convey to him my confusion.
“No!” he told me firmly, pulling away from me and shaking his head. “If you asked me, I swear, I would lay down for you right now! I promise I would be as good as any...”
“That’s not what I mean!” I snapped, holding him still as he began to reach for me. “You do not want sex from me. Why?” I demanded. Quatre, hesitated, then looked away, tears in his eyes and in his voice once again.
“Because it hurts! And because it’s dirty, and disgusting, and wet, and so very cold!” he whispered, quiet tears leaking down his face. Any annoyance I have was instantly gone. I could almost cry for him.
“Oh, sweet-heart, is that all you’ve known?” I asked him, and he turned to stare at me in confusion. “Was there never a time that you felt lust, before you were robbed of your innocence? Or were you too young?” I wondered. To not understand that love-making could involve pleasure for both participants... I’m sure the thought frightened me almost as much as it did him.
“I... I don’t understand,” Quatre responded. I smiled at him softly, wiping away his tears with my shirt sleeve.
“You will, little one. You’ll understand soon enough.”

Quatre 131
I thought Master would be upset when I told him that I was afraid to have sex with him. I thought he’d try to convince me that it wouldn’t be bad with him. I thought he’d scold me for being cowardly. I thought he’d take me right there.
I never thought he’d send me away, like nothing had happened.
It hurt. It hurt a lot. I had opened my heart and told him my fears, only to be pushed away in the next moment. I knew Master had a lot to do, and I knew Duo needed his attention more than I did, but... still... I thought Master would notice me. Maybe it was selfish of me, and I had certainly told myself often enough how selfish it would be to starve myself only for a little attention, but in reality I was helpless to end these emotions and almost powerless to stop their results. I knew, now, that Master didn’t want me to diet, and despite the excuses I made I knew I was doing the wrong thing. And yet the more I looked at myself, the more I watched the others around Master, the worse I felt about myself. And the worse I felt, the less I ate. I have no doubt that if Master hadn’t interceded I would have been back to starving myself in a few weeks. I just.. I was so jealous and dejected that I just couldn’t help myself. I wanted Master to look at me, and some part of me knew that dieting would make him see me, even if he was upset by what he saw.
But it was all for nothing, in the end. Master had more important things to do, and even though I had told myself this before it still stung. I hadn’t known I was that unimportant to him, but I should have. I mean, really, what good was I? A sex-slave afraid to sleep with their master? It was laughable. I was a joke.
I had my cooking class next, and I was so depressed that I burnt three different dishes, put half a cup of salt into my cake, and sprinkled pepper all over my cinnamon crescents. By four o’clock I had completely ruined dinner, and with only an hour left I had no idea what I was going to cook. I abhorred the thought of telling Master that I hadn’t been able to complete the one task he set for me, but if I couldn’t find something to cook soon that’s exactly what I would have to do.
I ended up on my hands and knees in the cupboard, desperately searching for something I could make into a meal with the few ingredients I had available. I had been down there for nearly ten minutes, and nothing was forthcoming. I was very close to tears.
“Quatre? Is something wrong?” I heard Trowa ask. I had completely forgotten that he was coming down to help with the dishes, and hit my head on the cupboard door in surprise. “Are you alright?” Trowa asked, coming to kneel beside me.
“Ah... I’m fine,” I said, wincing as I touched the bump on my head. “Just... do you smell smoke?” I wondered, sniffing the air before jumping to my feet. I had been making a bourbon sauce on the stove to go over the fish I had burned in the oven, and when I had tossed out the fish I had completely forgotten the sauce. If heated for too long at too high of a temperature a bourbon sauce could easily catch fire, and my sauce was merrily bubbling and burning away, throwing little flames all over the stove which sizzled before going out. I panicked, grabbing an oven mit and pulling the pan off the stove, but my fingers brushed the side of the hot pan. Startled by the searing pain in my finger I jumped and tossed the pan into the sink, where it splattered all over the cold steel and continued to burn away. Trowa came up behind me, level headed as always, and dumped a cup of flower over the pan, putting out the flames while I nursed my injured fingers.
“Are you alright?” Trowa asked calmly, coming to stand in front of me. Gently, he pulled my injured fingers out of my mouth to look at them. They were only mildly red, I saw with shame, and I had certainly overreacted. I thought Trowa might be angry at me, but all he said was, “I think they should be alright,” and brought my fingers to his lips to softly kiss the pain away.
It broke me, and I suddenly found myself sniffling as tears cascaded down my face.
“What’s wrong?” Trowa asked, his eyes wide with concern. I could only shake my head, because speaking was far beyond me, and lean toward him. He captured me with his arms and held me securely as I cried myself out into his chest.
“Care to tell me about it now?” he asked a few minutes later, when my tears had almost stopped.
“I-it’s just been an awful day,” I sighed, resting my cheek against him. “Master and I had a meeting and it... didn’t go so well. I think he might be mad at me. And then the fish... and the cinnamon crescents... and the cake. I just ruined everything!” I cried, sobbing again. “I can’t fail at this too, Trowa! I just can’t!”
“Shh,” he soothed, running a hand through my hair. “Everything will turn out alright. I’ll help, okay? Just stop crying.”
“But what can you do?” I asked, looking up at his eyes. “I’ve ruined everything we have to eat. I ruin everything!”
“No, you don’t,” Trowa countered, looking me in the eyes. “Now you can either keep crying, or we can fix dinner. Dry your eyes and grab that bag of noodles from the cupboard, and I’ll show you how to make pasta Alfredo,” Trowa said, giving me an encouraging nudge as I dried my eyes on my sleeve.
The pasta was a simple dish, but I never would have been able to come up with it on my own. I was able to brighten the sauce with some fresh herbs I’d been using and I garnished every plate with a piece of parcely, but Trowa did most of the real work. I was lucky I was able to boil the water, after the day I’d been having. Dessert was a simple honey-sauce put over cinnamon icecream, but Trowa promised it would be delicious, and I believed him.
Dinner was right on time, set up as though I’d had the full two hours to prepare. If Master noticed that the food was of a lower quality than usual he didn’t mention it, probably because he was too busy watching my plate to make sure I ate. I tried to eat a lot to make him happy, knowing that he hadn’t been very happy at all with me lately, but the feel of his eyes on me made me so nervous that I felt nauseous, and I couldn’t eat dessert. I’m sure that Master thought I did it just to disobey him, and knowing that just made me feel worse.
I usually did the dishes and the laundry after dinner, but Trowa had helped me make dinner where he usually did the cooking dishes, so I had more dishes than usual and had to hurry to get the laundry done. As I rushed to get the laundry down to the basement I noticed Master talking quietly to Trowa in the doorway to his office, but I was in too much of a rush to listen in. I hoped Master hadn’t found out about Trowa helping, but I was pretty sure that he would have scolded me instead of Trowa anyway. At least, I hoped so.
I was still in the middle of doing laundry when I heard Duo fighting his shot and realized that I was late for the movie. I was tempted to run up the stairs, but there was still a full basket of laundry in the drier and a basket waiting to be folded, so I had to wait another twenty minutes before I was finished, though I did leave the baskets in the basement instead of taking them upstairs.
I hurried to the den fully expecting to be scolded by Master, only to find that he hadn’t arrived yet either. The movie was on, all the other boys were here, and Duo was sniffling beside Heero, so where was Master?
“He said he had something very important to do in his office,” Trowa said, replying to my silent question. “He told us to start the movie, and that he’d be back as soon as he could.”
“Oh,” I replied, still a bit confused. Master was never late for the movie, and he was vehement that we be on time as well, but I was grateful for this one slip. At least Master hadn’t caught me being late, and I quickly sat down beside Trowa, lest he find me in the doorway and figure it out.
Master, it turned out, was half an hour late, joining us only ten minutes after I came up. Of course, he insisted as soon as he came in that Duo be moved to the middle, but Duo had gotten a little used to this now and only growled and pouted as Master pulled him away from Heero. The rest of the night went normally, although it seemed to me that Master was somewhat distracted from both the movie and Duo. Still, I didn’t want to make him madder at me by asking him impertinent questions, so I was silent.
I was actually starting a to feel a little better as I headed up the stairs for bed. I was feeling good enough, in fact, to play with the idea of talking to Master again, to apologize for my behavior earlier and explain my actions at dinner. It didn’t seem like a totally bad idea, so I went to Master’s room and found him speaking with Wufei outside the door. I paused, perfectly happy to wait for him to finish. Instead, Master merely glanced at me, then waved his hand at me in a shooing gesture. My face fell, and I turned to shuffle back to my own room. I wasn’t even worth talking to.
Back in our room, Trowa was waiting for me with a bottle of my scar cream. Usually he would wait to put it on until I was ready for sleep, but tonight he was insistent, and I just didn’t have the energy to fight him. He was already on the bed waiting for me, dressed only in his sleeping pants and still slightly damp from a quick shower, so I simply pulled off my shirt and sat heavily in front of him. He pulled me into position and began to rub my back, and the feel of his hands on me, the knowledge that he cared about me, was almost too much for me. I probably would have cried if I hadn’t done so much of it already. Instead, I waited until Trowa finished and leaned back, putting my bare back against his bare chest. After a moment his arms came up to hold me, and I clasped his hands with my own.
“You’ll worry yourself sick if you keep this up,” he warned me kindly. “There’s no need for you to be so upset,” he assured me. “Everything will work out in the end.”
“Easy for you to say,” I huffed moodily. “You’re not the one Master’s mad at.”
“Who said I was mad at you?” Master said, startling us both by coming in unannounced.
“I-I just thought...”
“I know what you thought,” Master replied, smiling at me. “And I’m going to prove you wrong. So what are you waiting for? Let’s go.”
“Go? Go where.”
“Ah. That’s a secret.”
Zechs 132
Quatre was quite thoroughly frightened out of his wits. Of course, a few simple words from me could easily have banished all his fears, but I abstained from comment. If Quatre was still too frightened of me, too hesitant about our relationship to come with me, then it was too early for this anyway. If Quatre lacked the trust to follow me into the unknown, then surely he would lack the trust to follow me further. I could merely wait and watch to see if he was ready, or if he would bolt.
He followed me down the stairs in a daze, not bothering to protest because he was too shocked by this sudden change in arrangements. Trowa had packed his suitcase for me; I had spoken with Trowa first, because I knew he would worry badly about Quatre, and there was no need for that. Wufei and Heero, as well, had been included in the details of my plan, and Duo was too soundly asleep to notice. I was sure the others would explain it to him the next morning, and I had already warned Heero not to let him upset Trowa with his distrustful ideas. It would be hard enough for Trowa to let Quatre go without Duo to add to his fears.
Once in the car, Quatre became a bit more animated, peering out the windows frightfully and whimpering every so often. At one point he turned to me, moving closer until he was almost in my lap, and staring up into my eyes.
“Are you selling me?” he’d wondered breathlessly.
“You shouldn’t have to ask that,” I replied evenly, neither committing to a positive or negative response Quatre merely nodded, his eyes filled with despair, and laid his head on my lap. I gently caressed his hair, but allowed myself no more than that. In nothing but his baby blue pajamas, his blonde hair mussed and ready for sleep, he looked like a child who had awakened from a nightmare. It was all I could do not to pull him into my arms and banish his bad dreams.
We drove for another hour or so, passing only forests and dense brush. Eventually we left the paved road for an even, well-packed dirt road. Quatre never noticed the change, for he had fallen asleep on my knee only a few minutes after our departure. From trust or despair, I couldn’t tell, but I did notice that he curled subconsciously closer to me in his sleep when we hit a bump in road. It was a good sign, but perhaps not good enough.
The house we pulled up at was small, shrouded in dense bushes and thick tree branches. The windows were dark, and only a solitary bulb illuminated the porch, casting an eerie glow onto the porch. It was not a dilapidated house, for all strangeness the darkness created, and would actually look quite well groomed in the daylight. I wondered for a moment of the powers of the night to alter our perceptions, then glanced down at Quatre. In the moonlight, he looked like the pale ghost of an innocent, instead of my bright-eyed angel. I shivered and quickly opened the door, hoping to cast that image from my mind. The car light instantly transformed Quatre back into himself, but it could not dispel the feelings of protectiveness his sleeping form created in me. I would do this... for him.
The sound of the door opening awoke Quatre, and he blinked sleepily as he sat up.
“Where...” he wondered, dazed, before glancing out the window at his surroundings. The house elicited a tiny gasp from him, and he trembled and slid closer to me.
“Come,” I instructed simply, sliding out of the car and away from him. He followed quickly, afraid of even a few inches between us. It was only when he hoped to the ground, shivering, and that I realized in his haste he had not put on his shoes, and I had not thought to grab them for him. It would be a defeat on my part to pick him up, for I did not want to give him even that much reassurance, but I could not allow him to walk on questionable ground and risk cutting his feet on a sharp rock or piece of glass. That would certainly do more harm to my plans than a simple gesture of kindness.
I lifted Quatre’s light frame into my arms, wincing at the feeling of too little flesh covering bones, and carried him into the house. He was frightened at first, of my movements and of the strange place, but he did not fight me or even voice his protest. Once safely inside the house, I set him down, only have him sink to the floor in front of me.
“Are you alright?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking. He merely nodded, but there were tears in his eyes, and his face was a picture of misery.
“Why are we here?” he whispered softly, his voice filled to the brim with despair. I knew he couldn’t take much more, and he had trusted me this far.
“Come sit on the couch,” I said, pulling his to his feet and leading him down the hall to the den, where a fire was burning cheerily in the hearth. This was one of my favorite cabin, if only because of its simple, homey feel. The dense forest surrounding it didn’t hurt either, for I was very fond of nature. His bare feet tread softly on the thick carpets of the room, and he sat shakily down on the couch, as far toward the arm as he could get. I sank down beside him, sitting close. He had trusted me this far, and it was time I returned his faith.
“I’ll suppose you have no idea why you’re here,” I said, leading him into the conversation. He merely shook his head, curling in to himself. “You probably think I’m going to punish you. Or perhaps you thought you were being sold.” At this, Quatre whimpered and buried his head in his arms, not daring to look my way. I smiled softly and moved to his side, pulling him into my arms. “Nothing could be further from the truth,” I assured him, whispering softly in his ear as my hands ran soothing circles over his back. He dared to glance up at me. “This was a test of sorts, to see how strong your trust in me is.”
“Did I... Did I pass?” Quatre asked softly, leaning his head against my chest.
“Honestly? I don’t know,” I told him, still wondering about it myself. “You were terrified and had several moments where you believed I would hurt or even sell you. And yet, you followed me all this way, never trying to run or fight me. Was it trust? Or fear?” I wondered, not really expecting Quatre to answer.
“It wasn’t either, really,” he replied, not realizing the question was slightly rhetorical. “It’s just... if it were so bad that even you would give up on me... you, who had been so kind and generous to us, even when we weren’t doing what you want... if you would give up on me, could I possibly be worth anything? I mean, I know how much you’ve taken from Duo and how much you’ve taken from all of us. If I could make you give up on me... maybe I deserved to be given up on.”
Ah. So it was partially affection toward me, partially a case of low self-esteem, and a very small part was trust. I didn’t like it, but I’d take it... for now.
“I brought you here, not because I’m angry at you, but because I was upset at the your idea of what sex is. I want to prove to you that this definition of lovemaking is entirely incorrect.”
“I see,” Quatre said, his tone implying hesitance.
“In order to show this, I will need to... demonstrate it. Do you understand? We will need intimate.”
“Oh,” Quatre replied. His body was tense, his hands shaking. I turned him to look at me, giving him space to calm himself.
“Listen to me, Quatre. I am giving you a choice here. I want to teach you that sex doesn’t always have to be painful, but it will be if you aren’t willing. This has to be your choice, to trust me with both your heart and body. If you can’t do it, if you’re still too afraid and uncertain, you have to tell me or things will go very badly. I promise you, agreement or denial will have no consequences to you. If you say no, then we will simply spend the night here tonight and return home in the morning. I will, however, expect your self-abusive behavior to cease, because I have at the very least shown that I prize you equally to your peers. On the other hand, if you do agree, you will not have the option of backing out once we begin, so you must think very seriously about both options.”
“I-I would like to try,” Quatre answered nervously after only a moment.
“That’s not good enough. You must be certain,” I told him seriously. He was quiet for several long minutes, and I gave him time to think. His face was creased in frown his eyes far away, but every so often they would flick to me and soften. After several minutes he seemed to come to some kind of conclusion, and turned to me.
“Would you... Would you kiss me?” he asked tentatively. His request seemed a little odd to me, but I would not deny him evidence to help with his decision. I leaned close to him and placed my hand on the back of his head, tilting his face to meet mine. I pressed my lips against his soft, strawberry ones. After a moment, I pulled away.
To my surprise, he looked frustrated.
“That’s not... I mean... I...” he stuttered, fisting his hands in the material of his pants and biting his lips. It wasn’t until a blush stole across his face that I realized what was wrong.
More forcefully this time I tilted his face to receive mine, though still maintaining the gentleness I knew Quatre craved. My lips met his, but this time they did not stop at simply brushing against his, but melted against his. My tongue sought entrance to his mouth, and he instantly granted it. I drew him closer, pressing our bodies as close and our mouths closer. My tongue explored the wet cavern of his mouth, and after a moment of uncertain hesitation his own came to dance with mine. When we parted, we were both breathing deeply, and Quatre had a distinctly heightened color.
“I think I can do this,” he said. For the first time, I truly believe he could.

Zechs 133
I didn’t wait long after he agreed to begin. Not a moment later, I pulled him to his feet and began to lead him down the hall.
“Where are we going?” he asked, off balance again. I was doing that a lot tonight, though this time it was unintentional.
“The bedroom, or course,” I replied. We had a lot to do before Monday, and we would need all the time we could get. Even then, it might not be enough.
“Ah-... Now?” he gasped.
“If that’s not a problem,” I asked, testing his hesitancy. We didn’t have a lot of time, but if he needed it I could probably go a bit slower. He shook his head, though, and I took him at his word, entering the bedroom door, still towing a reluctant Quatre behind me.
The bedroom was decorated lavishly in lodge style, a large, four-post bed with a thick mattress and a down comforter and pillows. The bed was sturdy, with thick oak legs supporting it. I had been sure of that before I had selected this place, with all the worry I had about Quatre, there wouldn’t be any left over for the bed.
Once inside, I busied myself with the drawer in the beside table, though I was already certain of what lay within. Quatre remained on the rug near the door, uncertain of what to do. I hoped he would ask me, or at least take the initiative to sit down, but he merely remained standing. After another minute or so I gave up and turned back to him.
“Well?” I wondered at his still form. “Strip.”
“R-right now?” he wondered hesitantly, biting at his lips even as his hands reached for the hem of his shirt.
“Of course now. Come on, off with it.”
My words pushed him to remove his shirt, slowly and with much difficulty. His lax fingers dropped it to the floor once it was over his head, and his fingers lifelessly meandered down to the edge of his pants, where they stopped.
“I can’t,” he whispered breathlessly, his eyes wide and haunted. “I thought... I wanted to... I thought could... but I can’t,” he admitted, agonized and tearful. “Please...”
“You’ve already agreed, Quatre,” I told him, advancing to his side. “You can’t just back out now.”
“But I can’t do it!” he begged. “Please don’t make me!”
“You’ve already agreed,” I said, staying firm despite the emotions rioting within me. How I longed to take him in my arms and gently sooth him by the fire. How I wished to wipe that pained expression from his face. Lovemaking should never be about force of any kind, and it hurt me to push someone who was partially, if not totally, unwilling.
But there were many things here that should never have happened, and if I didn’t want them to continue I would have to stay strong. Even if it hurt Quatre now, in the long run I could only hope that my actions would be for his benefit.
With a swift motion that Quatre was completely unprepared for, I grabbed his pants at his hips and yanked them to his ankles, leaving him completely exposed. He cried out in surprise and tried to back away, but his feet were still tangled in the cloth and he fell, landing on his rump. While Quatre struggled, I took advantage of the situation by bending down and pulling his pants the rest of the way off of his feet. By the time I was finished Quatre had realized what was going on and finally lunged to his feet, prepared to make a dash for it. Instead, I grabbed him by the waist and pulled him to my side, shutting the door in front of him for good measure. He kicked, thrashed, and screamed, fighting violently to be free, but could not get loose before I tossed him to the bed, then climbed in beside him.
Once on the bed I pulled him firmly against me, laying on my side and wrapping my arms and legs around him. He struggled, but could not battle for long as fatigued and thin as he was. Eventually he settled for sobbing in my arms, still and tense as a piece of cold steel. I gave him a moment to recover from the shock, but we were not done yet.
I began by rubbing my hands over his shoulders in a soothing manner. It calmed him a bit, and eventually he stopped crying. Once the tears ceased I began to widen my exploration, running my hands over his chest, touching his sensitive nipples, and brushing his hair with my fingers. I traced the planes of his face, running my fingers over his soft, rose-petal lips, then down his neck and back to his chest. I circled his nipples once more, then went back to his arm and chased it all the way down to his thigh. My hand dipped toward his backside, but he was pressed against me, so I merely brushed the exposed side of his rear and went the other direction, touching the insides of his thighs. Slowly, I moved my hand upward, ghosting it toward the most intimate part of his body.
“Stop,” he protested, his voice shaking only slightly. “You don’t... You don’t have to touch me there. Please... just do it. Roll me over and take me if you’re going to, but don’t play with me like this!”
“You forget who is in charge here,” I told him firmly, raising my hand to finally touch his shaft. He was just barely hard in my grasp, still mostly limp and flaccid. He flinched away from my touch, but his penis twitched in my hand, so I knew that he was at least responsive to my touch. “And that’s not what we’re going to do right now. You just relax, and let everything to me.”
I moved my hand along his length, feeling the delicate skin shift in my grasp. He was of medium length, with this part of his body being as slender as the rest of him. My hand found its way to the top of him and my thumb flicked across his head, causing him to gasp and shudder. He raised his hands to cover his face and I allowed it, knowing that it could cause no harm right now. I continued to caress his manhood, slowly teasing him to hardness. He kept his hands tightly over his face the entire time, trying to ignore what was happening, but his tiny, repressed noises of pleasure told me he was failing.
Suddenly, he gasped and violently arched away from me, clawing at the bed sheets. The cause, I realized quickly, was my own neglected length, which had grown stiff as I focused on Quatre’s needs. The feeling of my manhood poking him in the back must have spooked him, for Quatre was struggling ineffectively against me once again. I did not let go, though I did allow him a space cushion between us to keep from frightening him, and he soon became distracted by my ministrations, fisting his hands in the sheets instead of clawing at them. I had many skills when it came to pleasing lovers, and I had often kept my bed-partners whimpering in need through most of the night.
This, however, was a completely different situation, far from my playful romps and rolls of only a few months ago. I was swift and efficient in bringing Quatre to orgasm, teasing him only enough to ensure a full orgasm instead of a simple release. He panted beside me, eventually throwing his legs open to kick at the sheets and he writhed in lust. This change in position allowed me to put a second hand into play, and I began to toy with other parts of his body, mainly his nipples and his thighs, to bring him toward completion. Soon after, he cried out in ecstasy, and I had to quickly twist our positions to catch his seed in my hands. It was late, and I did not feel much like changing the sheets.
Neither was Quatre, from the look of things, for the orgasm had left him boneless and completely unaware. His eyes, unseeing, were slitted open, while his mouth was fully parted and small gasps of air escaped it. I smiled down at his flushed countenance and relaxed body, then, despite the needs of my own body, rose and headed to the adjoining bathroom.
It wouldn’t do much good to allow Quatre to remain a passive observer in this, but for now I would have to lead him and merely let him follow. Still, it was pointless to let him go to sleep sweaty and sticky, and besides that I was not done with my lessons for the night. I would, of course, have to let him sleep soon, but one more lesson could easily be fit in before pushing him to the limits of exhaustion.
My erection, sore and still weeping slightly with need, bobbed in front of me as I washed my hands in the sink, ridding myself of Quatre’s seed. It ached as I turned the shower on, and knowing that Quatre would soon be enjoying the warm steam didn’t help in the least. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could last. The again, I thought as I turned to rouse Quatre, I wasn’t sure how much longer I would have to.

Quatre 134
I didn’t know what to think. Was Master mad at me? Was he just trying to help me? Would he hurt me if I didn’t get it right? Was I even supposed to get it right?
These questions flew through my head as I lay bonelessly on the bed, stupefied by the feeling of post-orgasm. Of course, I’d come before. It was impossible not to become aroused sometimes when my old master was thrusting into my body, but it was simply a byproduct of his action. No one had ever wrung the orgasm from my body, like Master had.
But why would he bother to do that? I mean, he could obviously bed me any time he wanted, and he hadn’t come at seeing me orgasm, so what was in it for him? I wanted to ask him, but it wasn’t my place. A slave should never question a master, no matter what the master does to the slave’s body. It was one of the first rules we were taught. We were the master’s toy, and the toy did not ask questions or complain. That was what a slave should be.
But that was never how Master treated us. We were never toys to him, never pieces of property to be used and tossed aside. He wouldn’t have been Master if he had, but on some level it was a little unsettling not to know my place. My previous master had always told me exactly what to do, and I was only wrong if I didn’t do it. With Zechs it was so much more complicated, because he never told me what to do. It made me nervous and unsettled, but I was grateful for it just the same.
Master came out of the bathroom a moment later and I could hear the shower running in the other room. There was a light sheen of sweat on his body, making him look all the more like some kind of Viking god. His muscles rippled slightly as he walked, and he radiated power and confidence. I wondered briefly at how muffled his aura was with his clothes on, because he never looked quite so intimidating fully clothed.
He sat beside me on the bed, leaning over to kiss me on the lips when he saw that I was awake. I responded, eagerly engaging the kiss. Gratitude? Perhaps, but I had much to be grateful for. Even this small moment of pleasure was far more than any other master had offered me before, and I was grateful to Master for giving it to me, whatever his reasons.
“Come,” Master whispered as our lips parted, his breath tickling my face. “Let’s get you cleaned up for bed.”
I rose lethargically, surprised that I was slightly unstable on my feet. My balance returned in a moment, though, and I meekly followed Master into the bathroom and climbed into the shower with him.
There was something about the way the water fell in tiny droplets on his skin that I found appealing, and I was glad I had come so recently, or I would almost certainly be half-hard and terribly embarrassed. It didn’t help that Master was sporting the same problem; on the contrary, it made me even more nervous to see that he was still hard and awaiting release. A part of me wanted to service Master because I knew it was my place, but another was terrified that Master would suddenly become vicious the moment I touched his arousal. As though lust was some kind of rabid infection that would make normal people become horrible monsters. From my experience, I couldn’t say it wasn’t.
With these two opposite idea warring inside me I felt my only option was to await instruction from Master and do as he commanded. I was certain that he would give me direction sooner or later, even if that direction was only to brace myself against the wall. Still, he said nothing for several minutes while he washed and conditioned his hair, and still tried nothing when we brushed against each other while switching places. His hard member bounced in front of him as he moved, but still he gave me no sign. It confused me, even as I washed my hair and closed my eyes as the spray washed away the suds.
The scene I looked back to was startling. Master, staring directly at my naked form, was touching himself, rubbing his hands up and down his hard shaft. I gasped and took a step back, but the entrance to the shower was toward Master, and so I was trapped.
It was beautiful, as terrifying as it was to me. The steam created an almost golden sheen to Master’s tan skin. His body was as perfect as if a sculptor had molded clay for a hundred years before Aphrodite herself breathed life into the product. And his beauty was not lessened by the proud member dancing in front of him; on the contrary, it made him all the more beautiful, and all the more terrifying.
I couldn’t quite grasp this situation, couldn’t reconcile what was happening outside to what was going on in my head. On the one hand, I had gotten exactly what I wanted. Master was paying attention to me, he was praising me, and he was lusting after me. On the other hand, seeing that lust, seeing that same hunger that had driven my other master to rape me like an animal in the eyes of my Master frightened me to no end, because there was always the chance that he would become that same as my other master. My heart knew that Master would never be driven by lust to do such a thing, but my mind told me that lust drove masters to do nothing else.
Still, despite my fear, I wanted to reach out to him. He had been so kind to me, and even brought about the first real orgasm in my life. He had done everything for me, and if there was anything I could do to repay him I felt that I should. Even if it was to help him with... that, I should still do it. And... I mean... it didn’t look so bad. It was certainly large, but it didn’t seem ready to strike and bite me, like Master Marcel’s had. It didn’t seem dangerous or threatening, merely hungry and insistent. It was the same... but different.
But I was paralyzed with fear, even with the lack of threat from Master’s prone form. In my mind I saw Master turn and pounce on me, even though I didn’t believe it would happen. I could only stare at him as he slowly stroked his shaft toward orgasm, growing more and more afraid by the minute. Eventually I became so distraught that I must have made a noise, because Master’s cloudy eyes suddenly focused on me.
“Don’t be scared,” he soothed breathlessly, panting from his actions. “You don’t have to do anything right now. I won’t even touch you. Just watch,” he commanded, then tilted his head back and let his eyes go shut. I couldn’t have taken my eyes off him if I had wanted to, and I watched as he quickly brought himself to orgasm.
It was oddly similar to my own orgasm. It was strange, only because I had thought it would be different. As a master, I assumed he would need something more than that to get off. A hand or a mouth from one of his slaves, a convenient hole, or even watching a particular slave get taken by someone. Pain, humiliation, and torture. These were things masters needed to reach their completion, not quick movement and a quiet completion. So how...? How could it be so easy for Master, when all the other masters needed so much more?
Master stayed against the wall for several minutes, even as his member slowly softened and the water washed his completion from the walls. When his breath finally evened out and he opened his eyes I knew I had missed my chance to be of any use, and I was as disappointed as I was glad. I thought Master might even be angry at me for being so useless, but he merely smiled and gently pushed me aside to finish his own washing, then calmly led me out of the shower and handed me a towel.
I couldn’t help it. I started to cry.
Master wasn’t fazed this time, though. He merely wrapped his towel around his waist and brought me into his embrace, pulling my head to rest on his shoulder as I sobbed quietly.
“I know this is hard for you,” he murmured quietly as my sobbing slowed, “but you’ve been doing very well. I’m very proud of you.”
“I d-don’t unders-stand w-w-why you’re d-doing this,” I cried, still clinging to him helplessly.
“I can’t take you back to Collar with this fear,” he explained softly, rubbing my back with the hand that wasn’t supporting me. “I can’t have people thinking I can’t control my slaves, right? But I don’t want to have to force you to be with me, I want you to enjoy it at least a little bit, and for you to enjoy it at all you have to be not so afraid. So just bear with me, alright? I have your best interest at heart, little one, I really do.”
“But what should I do?” I wondered, tears still in my eyes but no longer sobbing helplessly.
“Nothing, really,” Master soothed, pulling back a little so that he could smile at me. “Just follow my lead, and try to enjoy yourself.”
“But... I’m so very afraid,” I admitted, hiding my face against his chest again.
“I know, and I’m going to try to take this slow for you, but you are still going to have to be brave and trust me, alright?” he asked. I nodded in response. As though I would do anything else. “Let’s go to bed then, hm? I think you’ve had enough for tonight,” he said, taking me by the shoulders and leading me into the bedroom. He released me to turn down the covers, and I thoughtlessly opened the drawer to dress for bed. Master didn’t say anything, but merely closed it in front of me, then led me to bed.
I sighed. I wasn’t comfortable sleeping naked with my equally naked master, but he had promised not to do anything else tonight, and despite all my fear I still trusted him. I didn’t like having my naked backside press against his equally naked front, but I couldn’t resist the comfort of his arms, and so was easily drawn into his embrace. It took me some time to fall asleep, but when I did I slept well and fitfully.

Zechs 135
I woke Quatre the next morning with a breakfast of pancakes and maple syrup. I had contemplated, momentarily, a sweeter treat, for I knew the local diner specialized in waffles coated in strawberries and icecream, topped liberally with whipped cream. It was a delicacy to die for, but it was also packed with sugar. This situation was making Quatre jumpy enough, and I hesitated to see what the extra load of energy would do to him. No, I wouldn’t offer him something that sweet for breakfast. Perhaps after dinner, for dessert.
Quatre was still asleep when the food arrived, but the smell must have roused him, for he ventured from the bedroom before I was finished serving it.
“Master?” he wondered tentatively, still rubbing his eyes from sleep. He hadn’t dared to put on clothes after my firm denial last night, but neither would he face me nude. He was wrapped quite literally from head to toe in the quilt that had topped our bed last night. I was surprised, though not shocked, that he had been so shaken by last night’s activities that he would not dare to break an implied command, especially one that he desperately wanted to. Still, I decided it would be best not to make a big deal about it, thus making him think he had done something wrong again, and let it drop. My own clothed state, which consisted of sweat pants and a long sleeved shirt, would make my point well enough.
“Come eat,” I instructed, pulling out a chair for him at the breakfast nook before seating myself on the opposite side. He padded softly forward, reluctantly dropping into the seat opposite me. He used only one hand to reach for the syrup, the other holding the blankets tightly shut under his chin, letting not an inch of skin show other than his face and right arm. I smiled, slightly amused at his antics after all the skin he had revealed to me last night. I would not let his hesitancy ruin my mood. After all, my bad mood would only cause more fright in him, and I didn’t want him any more upset than he needed to be. Better to stay calm and relaxed, lest he think I was mad at him or some other such nonsense.
“Do you like pancakes?” I asked him, cutting myself another piece. He merely nodded, already shoveling a piece of the syrup-covered dough into his mouth. He chewed for a moment, then reached for the syrup and doused the pancakes with it once again. Perhaps the waffles would have had less sugar, with how heavily he was using the syrup. “Quatre... Far be it from me to tell you how to prepare food, but it is generally accepted that one should have more pancake on the plate than syrup. Maybe you should go a little easier on it?”
He blushed, setting the maple syrup aside instantly, wearing that hangdog expression he always got when he thought I was criticizing him. “I’m sorry, Master,” he mumbled, using his fork to pick at his food.
I sighed, then reached across the table, lifted the syrup, and dumped the whole thing on his plate. Quatre jumped, startled as I literally drenched his pancakes in syrup.
“I really don’t care how much syrup you use,” I informed him, setting down the empty syrup container. “It was a suggestion, not a criticism. Now, eat your breakfast,” I told him. He hesitated, his eyes still agog. After a moment he tentatively reached forward and picked up his fork, taking a piece of the now soggy pancake to his lips. “You aren’t actually going to eat that, are you?” I asked, staring at the pathetic looking piece of pastry.
“I don’t it to go to waste,” Quatre replied softly.
“It’s already been wasted as I proved my point. Get another plate,” I instructed, “You can dip your pancakes in the syrup if you want, but don’t eat the ones I ruined.”
“Yes, master,” Quatre whispered, reaching for another plate. I sighed softly. This morning was not going as well as I had planned. But there was nothing I could think to say that would turn the mood around, so I let silence reign while we ate.
“D-did I do alright? Yesterday?” he wondered suddenly, a piece of pancake dangling from his fork as it hovered half way to his mouth. He stared straight ahead, not daring to glance as me, as I deliberated over the answer.
“You did fine, for your first try. Today I will show you other things, though, so you must be prepared.”
“Must you?” he asked wistfully, his eyes full of pleading despair. How easily my heart could give in to those eyes, but my mind knew better, so my resolve stayed firm.
“You already agreed to it,” I reminded him, “and besides, we’ve already come this far. There’s no use in going back now,” I said, then cut him off as he opened his mouth to protest. “Finish eating, then clean up the dishes. I have some things to attend to right now, but I’ll be in the bedroom if you need me. Come to me once you’ve finished,” I instructed, rising from the table. I needed to get some space between us before his expression made me rethink my goals.
It was another fifteen minutes or so before I heard Quatre’s footsteps padding toward the bedroom and the swish of cloth on carpet as he dragged the blanket with him. I had calmed and prepared myself in the time we had been apart, so the first thing I did when he entered was to take the blanket away from him.
“No!” he protested sharply as I tried to pull the blanket from his small form. His hands clutched the edges of the blanket together, holding them firmly under his chin.
“Quatre, let go,” I commanded, then watched as he reluctantly let the edges of the blanket slip through his fingers, leaving his body bare. Self consciously he brought his arms up to wrap around himself, staring at the ground. Only when I tilted his face toward me did he finally meet my eyes.
“I need you to be brave a little longer,” I told him gently, pulling him against me. His small frame shook so hard even through the barrier of my clothes that separated us. “I will not remove my clothes for this segment, but I am going to touch you, so be prepared. Now, go sit on the bed,” I instructed. Quatre whimpered, but separated from me and did as I bade him, sitting gingerly on the edge of the bed, ready to bolt at any time. I calmly walked to the bedside, opened the top drawer of the dresser, and pulled out a black silk blindfold.
“No!”
“Quatre-...”
“Master, please no!” he sobbed, jumping to his feet. “Please! I don-... I c-can’t-...!”
“You can and you will,” I replied firmly, pressing him back down to sit on the bed and pushing the blindfold over his eyes. “Do not remove this without my permission. Now, lie down.”
He sobbed helplessly, but once again followed my command. Hesitantly, he laid down on his stomach, burying his face in the pillow.
“There’s a good boy,” I cooed softly and rewarded him by gently rubbing his back. His shaking subsided as I touched him, but his sobs gentled only a bit.
“Master, I don’t want to do this!” he protested desperately, his words muffled by the pillow. I had to bite down on the first words that sprung to my lips; it would be most inappropriate to say, “Neither do I.” Instead, I laid my hand across his shoulder blades and rubbed soothing circles until he calmed.
“This isn’t something you need to be so afraid of. Do you really think I’m going to hurt you?” He shook his head. “Then why so much fear? You should know already that I’m going to try to make this as easy as possible for you. Getting upset isn’t going to help anything, little one, and it will only make things more difficult for the both of us.”
“But I c-can’t s-stop being af-f-fraid!” he protested, turning toward me though the blindfold prevented him from seeing me. “And this blindfold isn’t helping a bit!”
“That’s because you’re fighting it,” I reminded him, gently laying a hand over his eyes. “Instead of letting it take away the fears that your eyes can see you’re imagining more fears than there really are, aren’t you?”
“What do you want me to do?” he asked, a half sob, half sigh.
“Trust me. I’m not asking you to not to be afraid, but I am asking you to stay calm. The more tense and nervous you are the harder it will be to make this feel good. If you’re too upset, like you are now, it will probably hurt no matter what I do. So take a deep breath, lie down, and stop trying so hard to see through that mask. Just let yourself go; you’re in good hands.”
I began slowly, knowing he was not yet prepared for anything deeper. I had hoped what we had done last night would have prepared him for more this morning, but if it had then I would not have wanted to see how Quatre would react without the preparations. Still, he accepted my hands on him without protest, letting me rub his shoulders and neck, then eventually moving into his hair. They were all platonic touches done with seductive intent, but they managed to relax him enough for the next stage either way.
The next stage was more seductive, completely removed of platonic. I allowed my hands to roam down the wide plane of his back, touching his hip, then skimming down toward his calf as he tensed. He was still too aware of me to allow me close to the place I needed to be, and his tensing attested to that. Perhaps I should have plied him with some liquor? But that would have been to close to drugging him, and probably would have been worse in the long run. No, I would merely have to be patient.
I spent several more minutes running my hand over his body, learning the curves of his long legs, until he had relaxed almost to the point of sleep. His body had become accustomed to my touch over the last night and today, so it no longer acquainted these kinds of touches with imminent pain. When I managed run my hand over the curve of his bottom and he did not stir, I knew it was time to begin.
This was the part that had required the blindfold, the part that Quatre would never have allowed if he could see it coming. There was a stand by the bed covered in a red cloth, and I now reached out and pulled away the cloth to reveal an array of items for the purpose of pleasure. Among them were oils, a pair of latex gloves, and several different sizes of dildo. I reached out and took a bottle of oil, knowing that even in this we would need to start slowly. I began by placing the oil on my hands and rubbing his shoulders, then applying it directly to his thighs and legs, and finally rubbing it on her pert little bottom. He neither moved nor stirred, allowing me to do all these things without protest. Perhaps this would not be so difficult.
Next I reached out to the tray again, this time picking up on of the gloves. I placed only on my hand, knowing the feeling of latex would startle the boy, so I was careful to keep the other hand bare and against his skin at all times. The glove would make the next part of this process easier to accept for Quatre, but getting him nervous again would only defeat my purpose, so I was careful not let him feel the latex until I was ready. Next I covered the gloved hand in oil so that it was well coated but not dripping with it.
Then it was the moment of truth. With my uncovered hand I pressed Quatre’s legs apart slightly and gently parted his round globes. He neither protested nor stirred. I took the gloved hand, then, and pressed it against his entrance, waiting for his reaction. Quatre’s body stirred, then stilled in a pregnant pause. I hesitated, waiting for his reaction...
...only to have him bolt from the bed like a frightened hare. I managed to grab his ankle as he ran, tripping him and causing him to fall to the floor beside the bed. He was no longer passive, though, and struggled like a rabbit in a trap. I hauled him back to the bed, annoyed, then gave him my weight to calm him. He struggled for only a few more moments, then lay still and panting.
It was then that I realized that this fear of sex Quatre had was far beyond anything conscious and rational. His mind couldn’t step away from the act and say, “Alright, these circumstances are good for having sex,” or, “No, these circumstances are bad for having sex.” It was all just pain to him, and even though he wanted to please me, trust me, and allow me to touch him like that, he still couldn’t understand that there wouldn’t be pain. It was frustrating for me, because the more sure he was that there would be pain the more likely it was for there to be pain, either from him struggling or tightening his muscles from nerves. There was very little I could do to keep him from doing either, but I also couldn’t allow him to go to Collar with this fear, and I didn’t even want to think about what it would do to his already unbalanced psyche if I were to call off this session. So all I could do was move forward, no matter how much my heart wanted to stop.
“Please...” he whimpered softly from beneath me. “Please...”
“Please what?” I snapped at him, still annoyed that my plans had so thoroughly gone to hell.
“I don’t... I can’t...”
“Well you’re just going to have to,” I responded harshly. “We can’t keep doing this, Quatre. I’ve done everything I can think of to relax you for this, but short of drugging you for our first time together I don’t know what I can do. Maybe I should...”
“No!” Quatre screeched, bucking beneath me. “No, please! No drugs!”
“Then you have to lie still!” I growled, levering the top of my body off of him so that I could look down at him. “We’re running out of options, little one. Either you lie still and let me do this or I will drug you and do it. Which do you want?”
“I want... I want t-to do it o-on my own,” he stuttered, shaking like a leaf.
“Alright then. Lie down and try to relax,” I instructed, pushing myself off of him.
“Y-yes, Master,” Quatre said softly, turning onto his stomach and burying his head in the pillow again. He was terribly tense again, his shoulders shaking with fear and the muscles on his legs standing out from the fear. I was off balance now too, upset that Quatre still didn’t trust me and annoyed that I hadn’t been able to seduce even someone as naive as Quatre. For a moment I doubted my skills, but I knew the kind of pain Quatre must have experienced having intercourse with his first Master, so I was more inclined to believe it was the depth of his fear and not my own deficiencies holding us back.
Still, whatever the problem, I couldn’t continue with myself in this state of mind, upset and annoyed. I would only become impatient with Quatre, causing him to become upset in turn, which would be disastrous for the relationship I was trying to build with him. So, instead of attempting to pick up where I had left off, I sat crosslegged at the end of the bed and meditated.
“Master?” came Quatre’s hesitant voice a few moments later. “What are you doing?”
“Meditating,” I responded without opening my eyes or breaking concentration. “Would you like to try? You can sit up for a moment and do it with me.”
“O-okay,” he said, and I heard him shifting to sit up. “Can I take the blindfold off?”
“There’s no need. You have to keep your eyes closed to meditate anyway, so you might as well keep it on,” I told him, then opened my eyes to help him get into the right position. When he was seated, I took his hand in my own. “Try to breathe when I do, and focus on calming your mind,” I instructed, then allowed myself to sink back into my own place of calmness.
I must admit, Quatre did pretty well for a beginner. He didn’t seem to have any trouble slipping into a trance, and he lasted a good ten minutes before he began to fidget, which was more than enough time for me to settle myself and prepare my mind for what was coming. I opened my eyes as he shifted for the second time and squeezed his hand to let him know I was awake.
“Why don’t you lie back down now and we’ll get started,” I instructed him gently, helping him to lay back when he seemed confused about where the edge of the bed was. He was nervous still, but I could also see a considerable difference in the tenseness of his muscles. He wasn’t nearly as relaxed as I had gotten him earlier, but it was good enough for what I wanted to do, and far better than only a few minutes ago.
I didn’t pussyfoot around this time; when Quatre was finally on his stomach I parted his cheeks and pressed one still-gloved finger against his opening. He tensed, more surprised than frightened, I think, but quickly relaxed. I massaged the ring of muscles at his opening, trying to relax them further as I also worked another layer of oil on them. In only a few minutes he was ready for the next step, and I slowly pressed my middle digit into his body.
Quatre clamped down on the offending finger before it was even halfway in, his panic getting the better of him. I was calm enough now, though, that I didn’t get angry, and merely rubbed his back with my free hand until he was calm enough to let me in. It didn’t take as long as I had expected for him to get himself under control, but I was pretty sure it was only because he wanted so badly to please me.
I pressed my finger deeper into his warmth, becoming aroused by the feeling of Quatre’s body surrounding me. I knew better than to let him find out, though, for he would certainly think I was going to jump him and become afraid. I pressed my finger to its limits, then pulled it back out most of the way to make room for another finger, which pushed its way up beside the first. With two fingers inside my blonde lover I was now able to begin stretching him and readying his passage for something bigger than my fingers. His body didn’t like it, and several times I had to stop while his mind forced his body to relax and let me work, but eventually I had loosened him enough for something bigger.
I sat back, then, and donned a glove on my other hand so that I would have use of both for this next part. My touch didn’t seem to be relaxing Quatre anyway, and I knew this finally stage would be a bit of a struggle. Once the glove was on, I took one of the vibrators and covered it with slick gel that also occupied the little table of pleasures. There hadn’t been a need to use the gel for anything else and the slippery feeling could be a little uncomfortable outside the heat of the moment, but I wasn’t going to take a chance when putting something this size inside him, so I covered it well with gel, knowing I could wipe any excess away later.
The vibrator was not the smallest we had, but it was pretty close to the bottom. It was oval instead of egg-shaped, meaning that it was fairly slim as well, and perfect for either a beginner or a terrified slave. It was about the length of my hand, perhaps as round as a quarter, with a short string dangling from the bottom. At the end of the string was a small bar, about the length of my pinky, which would serve both to allow me to pull it gently from Quatre’s body and to keep it from slipping inside him. As I positioned the vibrator near Quatre’s entrance I did not turn it on, instead leaving it purposefully off. Quatre had already decided not to take any pleasure from this, so if the vibrations caused any reaction at all it would only be a physical one. I doubted even that would take place, though, from the tenseness of Quatre’s shoulders. It was a lot more likely that the vibrations would annoy Quatre, or, at worst, the friction would cause him pain. The main goal in this exercise was to teach Quatre that sex need not be painful. A lesson on pleasure needed this one as a prerequisite, so it would have to wait.
Then it was finally time to finish what I had worked so hard to get to. The vibrator was already at his entrance and, keeping a firm hold on one thigh to keep him from running, I slowly began to ease it forward. The ring of muscles gave without too much trouble, swallowing up the item that I pressed toward it so easily that all the trouble I had gone through almost looked silly. Had I not felt Quatre’s thighs shivering in fear beneath my hand I would have thought I had gone to far too much trouble for such a simple act. He was very quiet at first, most likely biting down on the pillow beneath his head, but by the time the vibrator was half way in he gave up on silence and let out a pain-filled sob that far exceeded any pain I could have been causing him. Perhaps he cried for all the other times as well? Whatever the reason, I resolved that today would be the last time he cried in fear of intercourse.
It was only minutes more before the last of the vibrator finally slipped inside his body, the string hanging from him like a mouse’s tail. He was sobbing, of course, and I moved to lay beside him as he continued to cry. I had thought he would be angry at me, but the moment he saw me beside him he sought out my arms, and I quickly opened my embrace to him, letting him cry onto my shoulder. Eventually, exhausted from stress and fear, he cried himself to sleep.

Quatre 136
By the time I awoke, Master had already gotten up to order lunch. He had left the door to the hall open, perhaps in case of nightmares, and I could hear him ordering sandwiches from where I lay on the bed. I contemplated faking sleep to keep from having to get up, but I was too hungry to want to skip lunch. I didn’t want to move either, though, because I knew any shift of my body would just make me feel that thing that was shoved into the deepest part of my body. It was a toss-up for which was less appealing, moving or missing lunch.
Master finally made up my mind for me by calling me to lunch. I should have known he wouldn’t allow me to skip a meal, especially now that he was so worried about my diet. I moaned and pulled a pillow over my head, but Master was having none of it, and whipped the blankets off of my body, causing me to jump at the sudden rush of cold air.
“Master!” I gasped, instinctively pulling a pillow to cover my privates though even I would admit it was a pointless gesture.
“I thought you might need a little incentive to get out of bed,” he said, a teasing smile on his face. “Now come and eat your lunch. We need to get something into you that isn’t covered in syrup.”
Master took my hand and pulled me to my feet, helping me to get my balance when the sensations inside me caused me to stumble. I had certainly had larger things inside of me, for the object inside me was a good bit smaller than the average length of a manhood, but I’d rarely ever had anything plastic inside me, and I’d certainly never walked with one before. It was an uncomfortable challenge to walk normally as Master led me back to the breakfast nook. I’d never been more glad to see a chair in my life, though I soon discovered that sitting only prodded the thing deeper inside me. I didn’t think that Master would let me have lunch in bed, though, so I suffered through my chicken sandwich in silence.
After lunch I had hoped that Master would feel ready to remove the object inside of me. It wasn’t really painful anymore so much as it was annoying, and I just wanted to have it out and done with. I know Master saw me squirming at lunch, but he didn’t mention it so I assumed he wasn’t upset about it.
Master had me lay down on the couch after lunch while he disappeared into the bedroom, and for a moment I thought he really might be taking this thing out, but then he returned with not only the rubber gloves but also a bottle of oil and another, larger phallus. My eyes must have been as wide as saucers because the first thing he did upon returning was to pat my thigh and soothe me.
“It really won’t be so bad,” he said, “now that you’re already stretched. Honestly, it was most likely only so hard with the other one because it’s been so long since you’ve been active. Come on, now, lay back against the pillows,” he instructed, and I drew a shaky breath before leaning back against the arm of the couch.
It was worse this time, not because it was painful, but because I had to watch. Where Master had allowed me not to see last time, blindfolded me even, this time he told me directly not to close my eyes, and I had to watch as he slowly pulled that... thing within me out of my body, inch by inch.
It wouldn’t have been so bad, perhaps, except for the position I was in. Master had me reclining against the couch, with both my legs pushed up and apart so that they seemed to be brushing my ears. It opened me to Master’s hands and forced me to bear down to help ease the plastic thing out of me, but it also let me see exactly what was going on. I had always tried not to see this type of thing before, and watching my body open and stretch like that was... mortifying to say the least.
The final drawback to the position I was in was that it allowed me to see exactly when Master finished lubricating the new phallus and positioned it at my entrance. It also allowed me to see when Master began that first push to get the head into me, and my body reacted instinctively to block the intruder by tensing. It was only Master’s strong hand on my thigh that kept me from trying to run, though I probably wouldn’t have gotten far with that thing halfway inside of me. The rest of its entrance went fairly easily once I relaxed my body and allowed Master to slide it inside of me. It was fine right up until the end, when we suddenly realized that it was just too long to go in easily. Master paused for a second, frowning, but I think we both knew what he was about to do. The phallus wasn’t too long to go in, just too long to go in easily. With a tiny, almost imperceptible sigh, Master held my thighs firmly open with his free hand and his shoulder and forced the phallus the last few inches inside of me.
It was a good thing Master had a hold of me, because my first reaction was to twist and try to close my thighs, which would have only shoved the thing deeper. Instead, Master held me still as my protesting insides eventually accepted the intrusion and wracking gasps eventually turned to quiet sobs.
I knew Master felt bad about it when he pulled me into his lap and began to rain kisses down my neck and in my hair. It was an apology of sorts, and I felt for a moment that he should be sorry for doing that, but in the next moment I remembered how much he had put up with so far, and I felt terrible for thinking such a thing. I curled closer to him, shifting and trying to find a less painful position, as he merely rubbed my back soothingly. The pain in my gut was no longer that agonizing, piercing pain of first entrance, but it had settled to a burning, throbbing ache that permeated all parts of my body. I moaned, waiting for the endorphins to dull the pain in my muscles, but after several minutes I realized that this pain simply wasn’t going to fade quickly. I sobbed, wondering if the pain wasn’t strong enough for my body to bother reacting to, or if it was too much for the chemicals in my body to counteract. It certainly felt like the latter.
“Master... please!” I begged, moaning and twisting, anything to lessen the pain of my cramped insides.
“Shh. Just a little longer, baby,” Master soothed, pulling me close.
“I can’t!” I wailed, sobbing into his shoulder. “It’s too much!”
“Maybe you’re right,” he said softly, and I was so startled that I stopped crying. “This one does seem to be causing you more pain than the last, even after we stretched you.”
“S-so you’ll take it out?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Master said, an indulgent smile on his face. “Do you have any idea how much trouble I went through to get that thing in?”
“Then... what...?”
“I was thinking we could do something else to relax you,” he said, grinning rakishly before he shifted me, pressing me back against the couch as he knelt in front of me. He grinned at me from between my spread knees, but I was nervous.
“Master... what?” I wondered hesitantly. He merely grinned and dipped his head.
I screamed as he engulfed me.
No one had ever played with me like this. Whether it was my old master or a slave ordered to take me, no one had ever worried about my body or my release. They had taken what they wanted, pulling it from my unwilling body. Even when they wanted to see me come, they had forced it from me, causing pleasure to my body and agony to my mind. This experience left me completely unprepared for Master’s gentle coaxing of the orgasm from my body.
And he used his mouth.
I couldn’t quite seem to get my head around that fact. I couldn’t seem to comprehend what my eyes were telling me, that Master had wrapped his lips around my cock and was sucking it like a lollipop. Certainly it wasn’t unheard of for a master to touch his slave’s privates, but to touch them so intimately? Was this allowed? It certainly seemed wrong to slave part of me, but the horny teen was enjoying this far too much to allow the slave to stop it. Later, I would worry about what this meant. For now I would merely enjoy not being able to form a coherent thought.
It was over in a disappointingly short amount of time. The sensations of wet and hot around my pert little penis, along with the mild but persistent feeling of suction, overloaded the sensory capacity of my groin, causing it to shoot a spurt of hot liquid right down Master’s throat. Only long after the encounter was over would it occur to me that Master probably should have been angry that I hadn’t pulled out of him before I came. I was well aware of how uncomfortable it could be to receive a load of come without any warning. Unfortunately, my ejaculation probably took me by surprise just as much as it did Master, and I yelled in completion and orgasm, then blacked out completely.

Zechs 137
Quatre didn’t wake for another hour or so. I wasn’t worried, mainly because I knew the degree of emotional upheaval he had undergone, and I had seen just how painful this was for him. I didn’t doubt that it was emotional exhaustion more than physical that put him under once I managed to relax him.
I didn’t wait an entire hour for him to wake. I gave him a few minutes to overcome the initial post-orgasm lethargy, stroked the side of his face a few times, found him to be solidly asleep, and headed off. I had done nothing but sleep or relax for most of the day and, as much as my body had needed it, I couldn’t stand another moment of inactivity. I realized, of course, that Quatre wouldn’t be up to anything even the slightest bit strenuous, but there was a beautiful pond behind the house, and certainly a little fishing wouldn’t be too hard for Quatre. It was only a few yards from the house, and he could even take a chair if he felt the need, but I felt that I needed to do something or I’d probably explode.
With that in mind, I headed to the basement to set up the equipment while Quatre slept. I made sure to grab the fake, putty-like bait to use instead of the worms or minnows that the cottage kept stocked. Quatre was one of my most feminine boys, and I doubted he’d enjoy shoving a sharp piece of metal into a squirming, dirty worm or a struggling, gasping minnow. I wasn’t certain he’d even have the heart to do it, for Quatre had a very soft heart.
Along with the bait I made sure to put some drinks in the cooler and a blanket to sit on. Thinking about it, I decided that Quatre would probably be more comfortable laying on the ground than sitting on the chair, so I left that out. The final touch was the rods, and with all that assembled I went to wake Quatre.
To my surprise, Quatre was already blinking in alertness, his gaze drifting around the room to find me. As I walked into his line of sight he sat up and smiled at me.
“Where did you go?” he wondered.
“Just downstairs. I was thinking that we might go fishing, so I got the rods ready. Do you think you can make it?”
“Uh... can I have my clothes back first?” he asked, motioning to his bare body. I laughed, but pointed him toward the bedroom. He smiled and headed off, walking as normal as I could reasonably expect with a six inch phallus inside of him.
The afternoon was warm and sunny. The pond was only a short walk away, which allowed me to stretch my limbs and work out the muscles that weren’t so used to leisure. I carried to cooler and the rods, while Quatre focused on keeping the phallus in place while taking each step. From the look of concentration on his face, I’d say I got the easier job.
We settled down to fish somewhere around five o’clock, though by the time I had tied the hooks baited mire, untangled Quatre’s line and baited his, cast my line, retrieved Quatre’s from a tree and cast it, it was probably half an hour later.
“This is nice,” Quatre commented as we both lay on the bank of the pond. Quatre was laying on his hip, his legs tucked up beside him, with the rod across his lap. I had decided to sprawl out and gaze at the clouds, the rod across my lap.
“Mm-hm.”
“Should we... I mean... Do we need to do something to attract the fish?”
“No, just sit back and relax.”
“Oh.”
There was a short pause, just to the point where I was beginning to relax back into the silence.
“Should it be taking this long?” Quatre wondered.
“Don’t rush the fish, Quatre. Just like you wouldn’t rush dinner.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“Well, we are going to eat the fish once we catch them.”
“What!” Quatre shrieked, the most horrified look coming to his face. “Master, you can’t!”
“Calm down, Quatre,” I soothed, pushing myself to my elbows. “I was only kidding,” I lied easily. “We’re just going to catch them and throw them back,” I said, mentally wondering what I could order to substitute the fish dinner I had planned.
“Oh. Don’t scare me like that, Master. I really thought you wanted me to eat the poor little fishies,” he said, clutching his chest in relief. I merely chuckled, hiding my concern behind a smile. Was vegetarian next on my list of Quatre-related concerns? Not that I had anything against vegetarians, but a no-meat diet wouldn’t do a lot to promote muscle gain and healthy growth in a teenage boy, not to mention the fact that I was hoping to kick-start the growth spurts that Quatre had probably already missed. Trying to incorporate those goals into a no-meat diet would be nearly impossible.
“Have you had any fun this weekend?” I asked suddenly, trying to change the topic before Quatre gained any ideas from his own comment. “I mean, outside of the crying and screaming.”
“Hm,” Quatre deliberated, leaning back beside me. “Despite the circumstances, I’ve actually been very happy about spending time with you. It’s not often that I get... I mean, you’re so busy... and the others...”
“You don’t have to feel guilty about it,” I told him, seeing his eyes go dark and ashamed. “I don’t get a lot of personal time with any of you because of how busy I am, but you especially since you haven’t had any major problems until now. Once you recovered from your injuries you could pretty much manage your own problems, which is a good thing, but it seems to have had a negative affect on both you and Heero. I suppose your self-sufficiency left both of you open for neglect in one way or another, and I seem to have remedied both problems similarly.”
“So... Heero had...”
“No, Heero never stopped eating, but he began to question his place in the household the same as you did.”
“I would have never guessed,” Quatre confessed, laying down beside me so that our shoulders touched. “I thought I was the only one.”
I laughed outright at that, surprising Quatre, then pulled him into my arms.
“If everyone is being completely honest, I don’t think there’s a single one of you that’s completely sure of his place with me. No one seems to be able to accept that I’m going to keep him.”
“It just seems too good to be true,” Quatre defended, resting his head on my shoulder. “As a slave, if you have something good you’re always afraid someone will take it away. It’s just our nature.”
“It’s not your nature, it’s your training, and it’s preventing all of you from fully enjoying what you have now. Don’t ever let the past get in the way of present happiness, kitten, or you’ll be doomed to a life of morbid reflection,” I advised. Quatre contemplated that advise, lying quietly in my arms, and it suddenly seemed as though I had never felt such tranquility.
Of course, that tranquility ended abruptly when Quatre suddenly got a bite and we both lunged to catch the rod, nearly causing the both of us to tumble into the water. The rest of the afternoon disappeared in a playful blur as Quatre and I continued to catch and release dozens of fish.
It seemed that the time to go back came far too early, but growling bellies declared the time far more accurately than my watch ever could. Once back at the house I ordered a salmon dinner while Quatre showered, then let him set the table as I showered. By the time the food arrived we were both cleaned and refreshed from our trip, in good spirits, and hungry as a pair of wolverines. I was relieved to see that Quatre ate with gusto and contemplated that perhaps too little exercise was a possible reason for his lack of appetite. I decided to ask Trowa to work out with him a few days a week, just to keep his metabolism up.
It seemed too early to retire for the evening after dinner, and I was loathe to put an end to the companionable mood by bringing up the subject of sex again. I had no doubt that tonight I would finish the job I had set out here to complete, but I was hesitant and extremely reluctant to attempt it. So, instead, I suggest a game of chess. Quatre was eager to play, and only after he had handed me my tiny, glass chess-ass twice would I realize that it was because Quatre was a chess genius and not because he was happy to avoid the bedroom. Or perhaps it was both, but, however it happened, Quatre made me look like a novice player, and I was nothing to scoff at when it came to strategy.
“Kitten, you could have given me some warning before you laid siege to my tactical pride, you know,” I told him. Quatre merely giggled demurely, blushing at the offhanded compliment. “Really, Quatre, I think we should have you play against Wufei some time. Between the two of you I haven’t won a game in weeks; perhaps you two can better rival each other, and leave my poor skills out of it.”
“Come now, Master, it’s not all that bad,” he said, smiling playfully, “I’m sure you have other skills.”
“Gee, thanks,” I said, playing along. “Do you know what one of those skills is?”
“No, what?”
“Tickling!” I shouted, lunging around the table to tickle his ribs. He jerked at my assault, trying to fend off my fingers, and we both eventually ended up on the floor, panting and out of breath, laughing like mad. I was on top of Quatre, my face nearly touching his. His lips were parted and panting, his cheeks were flushed from the sudden exercise. I moved closer, and our lips touched for the barest instant. I could feel a spark there, a heat that could only come with the trust I had hoped Quatre would gain for me. He would need it, tonight, when we consummated our relationship, whatever it was. He would need it, and I was pretty sure he had it.
“Let’s move to the bedroom, Kitten.”

Quatre 139
After the wonderful day we had spent together, I didn’t want to move into the bedroom, where everything would suddenly become horrible again. But I knew better than to be so ungrateful to my Master, and I was fairly certain that whining would gain me no reprieve, so when Master levered himself off me and moved toward the bedroom, I followed.
The bedroom door was slightly ajar and the room beyond seemed dark and foreboding. Master entered unhesitatingly, and I had to quell the urge to tell him to be careful. It seemed like all my nightmares were in that room, and I couldn’t help but want to protect Master from them. After all, it wasn’t Master who had allowed those fears to break him, so he didn’t deserve to be tainted by them. Only I had broken.
Then Master flicked on the lights, and the room was the same as always, with nothing dark or dangerous about it. I could have laughed at myself for thinking such silly things, but I felt too much like crying to laugh. What would Master do if I became incoherent with fear? Would he be dissuaded? Did I want him to be? I couldn’t tell, anymore, if I felt more fear or longing. I kept getting closer to Master, but it seemed that whatever goal my heart sought was always just out of reach. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could stand it.
“Come, Quatre, and get undressed. I don’t need to help you, do I?” he asked, and I wasn’t sure if he was threatening me or not, so I began to shuck my clothes as quickly as I could. In another moment I stood naked and uncertain before my Master. He watched me for a moment, and there was a flicker of uncertainty on his face that I had never seen before. It frightened me, because if Master wasn’t sure of what to do how could I possibly do the right thing? And I was the cause of that uncertainty in Master.
“I’m sorry about all this trouble, Master,” I whispered, lowering my head even as I crossed my arms protectively over myself.
He reached gently then and cupped my face in his palm, tilting my face up and running his thump across my lips.
“I wish you could see how beautiful you are. I wish you could see yourself from any eyes but your own. I wish you didn’t cower at the first sign of intimacy, poppet, but the only thing I don’t wish different is being here with you. I care about you, little one, so don’t ever be sorry that you need me to care for you. I can wish a lot of things were different in this world, but I would never change you.”
We stood like that for another moment, as I absorbed words that meant far more than they should have to me, before Master led me to the bed. I laid down for him without hesitation, and only a moment later did the trepidation I should have been feeling flood back. When Master put his hand down to remove the phallus from me, I couldn’t help but tense anxiously.
“Give it to me, Kitten,” Master instructed, pulling gently on the cord of the phallus. For a moment I contemplated withholding it, knowing that as soon as it was gone something large would replace it, but it was a silly notion and I quickly relinquished them both.
From there, it proceeded as any other time Master put something inside of me. Master lubed his fingers and began to stretch me, even though the phallus had done that already. He was slow and gentle, whispering words of comfort as he did it. It was hard to become truly afraid with him being so nice about it.
The real fear set in when he finished preparing me and crawled over top of me, mounting me like a stallion. I was on my stomach, the easiest position to take someone as large as Master, with my hands buried in a pillow. I was terrified, and prepared myself for the first painful thrust of penetration by clenching my body and slamming my eyes shut. It was the only way I knew to prepare for what was about to come.
But Master surprised me, stopping just where most masters really began and halting before he would penetrate me, hovering above me. I was so surprised that I dared to open my eyes and look back at Master, who was smiling patiently at me.
“Don’t close your eyes,” he instructed kindly. “This isn’t a rape, little one. There’s no need to be afraid. Actually, turn over,” he told me, backing off so that I could roll over, “I want to be able to see you while we do this.”
“But... Master... won’t this position be more difficult?”
“It’s going to be difficult no matter what we do because of how small you are and how large I am. But don’t worry so much, I promise I’ll be careful and you’ve been stretching all day. I’m not going to ram into like some kind of piston,” he said, which was odd because that was what my other master had always done. “Are you ready?”
I nodded, then closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and held my body rigidly still. This position would make things even harder, I knew, but it was what Master really wanted, so I didn’t complain. I was starting to wish that he’d just get it over with. The pain I could handle, but these two days of waiting were even worse than being taken. I just wanted it over with, but again Master made no move. This time when I opened my eyes I found Master looking down at me sadly.
“You still don’t believe that I’m not going to hurt you, do you? I’m not going to hold you down and cover your eyes for this, baby, then tell you when it’s over. This isn’t supposed to be painful or clinical. This is supposed to be about... affection. Gentleness. Trust. Now open your eyes and relax. I want you here with me, little one, not hiding in the back of your mind somewhere. Don’t you want to be with me?”
“Of course I do!” I blurted. I wouldn’t be able to stand it if he backed off now, after all the work he had done to get me ready, and all the time I had yearned to give him what the others had. He had told me I was beautiful, but what if he didn’t mean it?
“Then be with me, not just in body,” he told me, then began to move toward my entrance. I had to reign in the urge to close my eyes and block out the sensations of my body, grinding my teeth together as I stared into Master’s eyes. Perhaps if I could fall into the warmth there then this wouldn’t be so bad.
The touch of Master’s manhood to my opening caused me to flinch away, but it was an instinctual react and I quickly shut it down, falling still and lax in front of him. I fisted my hands in the sheets, waiting for that first powerful thrust, as I tried to memorize the blue of Master’s eyes, which were focused on where he was trying to twine our bodies into one.
It never came. Instead, there came a gentle pressure to the entrance of my body as Master slowly pushed his way inside. The ring of muscles at my entrance gave a half-hearted battle to the intruder, already stretched they protested mildly before granting Master entrance. Once inside, Master moved still at the snail’s pace, pushing further inside of me as I waited for him to meet with untried muscles and force them out of the way. The muscles near my entrance were almost comically apathetic about the large intrude pushing them aside. I felt a slight twinge of discomfort as Master found the muscles stretched by today’s toy, and then a bit more discomfort as he passed those muscles by. Then, for no reason, he stopped.
Master must have felt my confusion, because he glanced at my face with a pleased smile.
“Look, Quatre. That’s all there is,” he told me, and I glanced down to find that Master was indeed sheathed to the hilt.
“But... you’re so large... how...?”
“You didn’t think all those toys did nothing, did you? You’d be amazed at what a little bit of stretching can do.”
I was baffled and amazed. How could such simple things take all the pain away from something so horrible? With Master Marcel, sex was something akin to shoving a burning sword covered in sandpaper into my rectum. With Master it was like... like yoga, I suppose. My body wasn’t terribly pleased with the ways it was being stretched, but it wasn’t unhappy either.
“Are you ready?” Master asked me suddenly, his voice somewhat strained.
“For what?” I wondered absent-mindedly even as Master pulled my legs onto his shoulders to give him better access.
“For me to move,” Master said, the strain in his voice becoming more noticeable.
“Oh! O-of course,” I stuttered, trying to concentrate. Master pulled back, his length mostly leaving my body, then pressed back in, still going slowly. The movement was smooth, powerful, and gentle, and I marveled that it didn’t hurt at all. As a matter of fact, after a few more strokes it was actually beginning to feel kind of pleasant. Like the gentle swaying of the ocean.
That all changed in a moment, though, as Master hit something inside of me that caused me to buck beneath him, pleasure shooting up my spine, untainted by the pain that I usually felt. I gasped, unsure of this new sensation, and Master chuckled above me.
“That was the reaction I was looking for,” he said, and sped up the pace. I hummed in appreciation as he continued to bump that spot inside of me that caused these interesting sensations with every thrust. I was hard now, which was odd because Master hadn’t touched me there and I usually didn’t become aroused by penetration. Pain never did turn me on, and there was very little of it with Master, and now I could barely feel any discomfort. The rocking, however, was making me a bit nauseous, so I stretched out my arms and grabbed onto the headboard to steady myself. Master must have take it as approval, though, because he began to thrust more powerfully into me, hitting that spot more persistently. I moaned, feeling precum leaking from the head of my manhood. Master reached between us, then, and took my manhood in his fist. He rubbed his thumb over the head, smearing the precum around as I gasped helplessly. In another moment he wrapped his fist around me and chuckled as I began to buck my hips helplessly. He took pity on me, and as he was thrusting down he would also move his fist down, and the reverse when he pulled out.
He continued to do this, moving faster and faster as he went, for several minutes until it seemed that he had reached his peak. I hadn’t quite reached mine yet, but I readied my body to accept his, when he suddenly and unexplainably pulled himself from my body. I gasped, more surprised than upset, but the gasp turned to a moan when his head suddenly dipped down latched onto my weeping manhood. He took me deep and quickly, sucking me hard, and I came in a matter of seconds, filling his mouth with my completion, arching and rocking as the waves of pleasure overcame me.
Then, without missing a beat, Master settled himself inside me once again and began working on his own completion. I smiled lethargically as he thrust into me, straining and sweating to reach his own climax as I bathed in the tranquility of my own. I couldn’t help but think that this hadn’t been so bad after all, and that I could do this every once in a while. Master seemed to be enjoying himself a lot, and I was feeling pretty good myself, along with the added bonus of getting to spend some alone time with Master. I still wasn’t thrilled about this whole sex thing, because it was still messy and I was certainly going to be sore in the morning, but it wasn’t quite so terrible. It was almost enjoyable.
I had just gotten done thinking this when Master’s orgasm hit. I was half-hard again, having reached my first orgasm only seconds ago, so was totally unprepared for my empathy to allow me to share in Master’s orgasm, causing my body spasm with overwhelming feeling of power that Master was sharing with me.
But that wasn’t all.
Even though I was taking pills to dull my empathy to where I could only feel the barest glimpses of feelings stolen from others, I suddenly found myself overcome by the emotions from Master. Not just emotions, but whole thoughts and perceptions. I could suddenly see myself from his viewpoint, and I had to agree; I was too skinny. Master didn’t think I looked healthy, and healthy was attractive to him, no matter how heavy it was. I also gained his idea of having Trowa work out with me, and I liked that idea a lot.
Not only that, but I suddenly knew with clarity that Master hadn’t been thinking about selling any of us, ever. He had been hoping to... protect us? Forever? It was a very strong protective feeling, but the how of it still eluded me. It was no matter, though, because it was a feeling of genuine concern for our safety and well-being. Mastre really cared for us, not as slaves, but as people.
And finally was a feeling that I hesitated to even accept, let alone give voice to. A feeling of love, direct at myself and all of the others, as strong and pure as if we had been a real family. It was equal for all of us, the same yet tailored to our individual personalities. There were things he loved about each of us, and of course there were things he could do without. I didn’t dare look at my own annoyances, because I knew these were simply things that Master personally wasn’t very fond of, not things he wanted to change. He loved us all equally, even me, and would not choose one of us over another.
Yet, even as this thought crossed from his mind to mine, I could see something hidden away for Wufei. A tiny seed of something different that had not yet gained the light needed to bloom. This was a love of a different kind than that which he had for the rest of us, a love between two equals, two partners. It was not a master and slave love, nor was it a family love. No, he loved the rest of us, but he was falling in love with Wufei.
And as I realized this, I could also see the reasons why this seed had been created. Master could see that Duo and Heero were falling for other, even before they could. He even wondered about the relationship between Trowa and myself. I was startled, but there was no animosity behind Master’s thought, and so I continued deeper. Master was watching us pair into groups, sharing what can only be shared between slaves, and only Wufei stayed on the outside with him. Only Wufei could speak to him on equal terms and share things that were only to be spoken of between Masters. It could have been any of us, in the beginning, but we had moved away, and Wufei had stayed with Master.
I could have wandered through Master’s thoughts for days, but almost as quickly as it came it was over, and I found Master panting on top of me, his warm seed filling my body as my first and second orgasms dried on my chest.
I would have done almost anything to get it back. Not, perhaps, the ability to see inside Master’s mind, which I was already feeling guilty for, but the feeling of being loved that had dissolved as soon as our climactic link was broken. I could almost cry for the feeling of loss I suddenly had, to once again be alone inside my head.
“That was quite a ride, wasn’t it?” Master asked, levering himself off of me. I smiled to cover my pain.
“When can we go again?”