Waiting

ANGST ALERT!!! I DO NOT CONDONE SUICIDE AT ALL. (it just makes the fics all the more dramatic...) DO NOT KILL YOUR SELF OVER A PERSON BECAUSE THEY DO NOT LOVE YOU OR BECAUSE THEY HATE YOU. DO NOT KILL YOURSELF OVER *ANYTHING* UNLESS IT IS FOR A *GOOD CAUSE* THAT WOULD *SAVE* MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF PEOPLE OR YOUR COUNTRY. SUICIDE IS NOT THE BEST WAY TO GO ABOUT CORRECTING PROBLEMS. IF YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT KILLING YOURSELF, OR ANYONE ELSE FOR THAT MATTER, PLEASE *GET HELP* BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING YOU WILL REGRET SHOULD YOU SURVIVE. These characters are not mine. This song is not mine. They belong to who they belong to and I am making no money off of them. Beware of massive amounts of angst anme sme shonen ai. Sorry, but the yaoi just didn\'t want to work here and the ending is kinda sappy. Enjoy anyway!

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Waiting
by Chibimono Akuno
/lyrics by Jimmie\'s Chicken Shack/


/Waiting
For you
Paitently hoping
Your feelings might change/

Duo Maxwell stood on the roof top of a building, over looking the the Space Port. He watched the small figure board the shuttle in the distance. He was desperately hoping that Heero would change his mind, that he would come back to him. It was impossible to know what Heero was thinking; and once he began to act on his thoughts, there was no turning back.

/Breathing
For me now
Guess I\'m coping
But at least I\'m feeling/

At least he knew there was a possiblitiy that Heero would return. That was the only thing that kept him going. Just because he was going to Relena didn\'t mean he\'d stay. He never said that he loved her... But he never said he loved Duo either.

A sob caught in Duo\'s throat as he watched the plane taxi into the airlock.

*****

/Don\'t take it for what you see
\'Cause it could be worse/

Heero Yuy sat on the shuttle his eyes closed. He hadn\'t cried since he was a child, but why were his eyes stinging now? No, he could not cry. He knew no feelings.

But he did. Why else would he be running from Duo. His world of training and fighting was crumbling in those big purple eyes. His body ached with every devilsh smile, wishing he brought it to his face. He was experiencing feelings he never knew existed in him: jelousy, want, desire.

He told him he was going to see Relena, that she was important to him. Who was he kidding? She was important to the whole world, while it was Duo who was important to him. He was only kidding himself. He couldn\'t admitt that because it would look bad, it would expose his weakness.

The confusion was eatinghim him and he had to get away. Get away before he could say something to hurt Duo. He already said enough to make those eyes he loved seem so sad. At least Duo said he could come back if things didn\'t work out. At least Duo didn\'t hate him.

*****

/Explosion to fade out
Cut to a girl lying motionless in the sand
Wondering what we\'re about
Surround now the sound of wings softly pushing air/

Relena Darlian laid on a deep blue towel at the beach, enjoying the warm sunshine. It was a beautiful day, but her thoughts were so far from that.

Heero called her the other day, asking if he could visit. He seemed, if it were possible, in a rush to get away. He had been staying with that grinning freak for the past six months. Maybe he was tired of the inane smiling and tasteless jokes. Maybe he realized how much he loved her in return and decided to come to her. In her mind, she knew both reasons were why he was dropping in to stay with her for a while.

Her servant, Pargan, walked up to her as she lounged under her unbrella. \"Master Yuy has arrived, Miss Relena.\" She turned to see that Heero had walked with Pargan to the beach. He was hers now.

*****

/I want to know how flying fe As As we run with the seasons, you change
While I\'m standing here
Waiting for you/

Heero had been gone for two years. Duo knew he wasn\'t coming back. He watched the news late one night after a hard day at work to find that Vice Minister Darlian was engaged to an ex-Gundam pilot. No, Heero wasn\'t coming back. He watched the report about the latest Terra Forming Project as Relena and Heero boarded a shuttle. They were talking to people, laughing and smiling.

Heero was laughing and smiling. He must have loved her, because he had changed a lot since he left.

Lonely and depressed, Duo could only wish he a gia girl. A girl like Relena. He wished he was boarding that private shuttle with Heero, heading to a large home where they would spend the rest of their lives together.

Heero wasn\'t coming back. But at least Duo could pretend that he was. And he\'d wait forever if he had to.

*****

/All too often we doubt
Something so true
It leaves us naked where we stand/

It had been two years since he had left Duo. He hadn\'t heard a word from him; he didn\'t even know if he was alive. God, Heero hoped he was still alive.

Heero thought of Duo every day. Not an hour went by that he didn\'t wish Relena was him. He could close his eyes and pretend that her blonde hair was chestnut, that her cornflower blues wes were bluish amethysts...

He could pretend, but it was never like the real thing. Relena was nothing like Duo and could never be.

/I saw your breath make a cloud
Raining an ocean of your preciousness in my hand/

Heero would dream about Duo every night. He dreamed once that he was out in the middle of a snow storm. Heero made it home to be greeted by a warm hug and roaring blaze in the fireplace. Cuddled together under a thick wool blanket until the early hours of the morning. When the snow stopped, Duo ran outside into the cold to play in the whiteness. Heero cd afd after him, and they both tumbled down in the snow, a ball of arms and legs. Their breaths became commingling clouds of vapor as they kissed.

/I think I know how dying feels here/

Heero felt completely miserable as time wore on. He wanted to find Duo and run back to him... But Duo probably moved on already.

*****

/And if this is all just a dream
What\'s one more year
Waiting for you/

Duo never moved on. He promised himself he would wait for Heero. Forever if that was the case. But he would wait. If Heero ever returned, this time spent waiting would be nothing but a dream. Minutes passed like hours, hours like days, days like years, and years like eons. Duo stood fast to his promise. He would wait for Heero till he died if he had to. Time ment nothing... Only the waiting...

/I\'m breathing for you/

It came down to the only thing that was keeping Duo alive was knowing that Heero was alive. If Duo didn\'t see Heero on television at least once a week, he began to prepare for the end of himself. But the Japanese boy was there, at least once a week, with the Vice Minister on TV.

*****

/What a price to pay
To want to know how flying feels
You want to know flying feels
I think I know how dying feels/

Heero thought he could handle it. He thought he could run away from what he felt for Duo. Nearly ten years had passed, and his feelings for the American were stronger than they had ever been. He had to find him. He had to find Duo and tell him all he felt.

And so Heero disappeared from the world for a while, searching out Duo.

*****

/\'Cause I\'m still
Waiting for you
Facing that I\'m slowly dying here/

Heero dis disappeared. It was all over the news. No one knew where he went or where he would go. All they knew was that he was gone without a trace. No one even knew if he was still alive.

Duo readied the gun. He would give Heero a week. If he could not find out if he was alive, then Duo would meet up with him in the afterlife. All rea ready.

/Waiting for you - Breathing for you/

The week was up. The shot went off the same moment that someone burst through the door. In a second of recognition, the gun moved its possition from the vital organs to fire at a place less dangerous. Duo was not dead from the gun fire, but he was unconscious and could die from bleeding to death.

/And that\'s why I\'m slowly dying here
Can\'t you see that\'s my least of fears/

The person at the door, Heero Yuy himself, grabbed up the wounded American and took care to get him to a hospital. When Duo awoke some days later, Heero ask him why he had done it.

\"I thought you would never come back,\" he said with a sad smile, reminiscent of his old mischievious one. \"But if you are going to leave me again, let me die now while your still with me...\"

Finally, the tears that wanted to come forth as he took off on that shuttle, leaving Duo so many years ago, poured forth with abandon. \"I\'ll never leave you again. The only reason I left was because I was afraid of loving you. Now the only thing I am afraid of is losing you. Please don\'t die on me. Ai shite\'ru, Duo.\"

\"Heero, ai shite\'ru. For you, I\'d live forever.\"

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- i - i -

I think the ending sucked. Bitter? HELL YES!!! But you don\'t see me committing suicide over it. I just wished I had a Duo Maxwell plushie that I could curl up with. I don\'t care what in the world happens if I could just get my Duo plushie!