Cirque du Lay

Yay!!! –claps- happy late bday Jane! ^_^
And if you don’t mind, to Tayles as well? Sigh, alas, I miss so many bdays –sniffle-

Anyways, I tried my best, hope you like it!


Brief Warning: The following contains: AU, Trowa, Duo, the circus, lions, trapeze, broken bones, love, loneliness, sex, and all the fun that goes with being alive ^_~
Sidecar: I don’t own gundam wing…I should though eh? –grin-

Cirque du Lay
By Cs


Duo Maxwell had never cared for the orphanage, and when eventually they shipped him to a foster home, he hadn't care much more for that either. His foster parents were all right, not bad people, or evil. They fed him and clothed him, made sure he got to school on time and that once there he made passable grades. Yet, Duo was not happy.

It was a hard thing for him to figure out, and he puzzled over it for many months until a year had passed, and it was close to another year before he finally ran away. He felt bad, abandoning the people who had cared for him, but something else called to him, something he didn't know, couldn't define, and yet knew was out there waiting for him.

For close to six months he wandered nearly half the United States, somehow surviving on the few hundred dollars he'd managed to save from his birthday and Christmas. Eventually though, the money ran out, and Duo was left to wonder and wander.

Duo didn't look like most teenagers his age, and had never behaved like them either. Perhaps it was his childhood, the way he was brought up, or maybe it went deeper than that. He wasn't sure why he kept his hair longer than most, why he had a penchant for dressing in dark and somber clothes. When asked, he'd merely look blandly beyond the questioner, blink, and respond with a smirk.

When he started hitching rides with strangers, leaping easily up into the cabs of semis or sliding across the seats of farm trucks, Duo forgot to notice what he looked like. Strangely so did the people who gave him rides. It was as if in Duo's refusing to acknowledge his looks, the drivers couldn't see them either. So, safely he rode across state lines, through small towns, and eventually up and over the border into Canada.

One night, as the wind howled and snow fell, Duo for the first time since leaving home, found himself hungry, cold, and completely out of money. He wandered the streets shivering in the shadows, pulling his jacket tight around himself, wrapping the long braid he wore around his neck. It was then that he saw it, the lights warm and inviting, the smells of popcorn and candied things drifting down the street towards him.

Even with the wind howling as it was, he could hear the cheers of the crowds, the music light and trilling as it bounced down the street. Duo, half-starved and more than exhausted walked slowly towards the cleared area ahead, the tents high and bright, the very air seeming to grow warmer the closer he walked.

He snuck in the side of one of the tents, slipping behind bleachers and people's feet, unnoticed in the darkness. It was warm there, cozy, and despite the trash of empty and half-empty food containers littering the floor, he curled up and fell asleep. He dreamed of clowns and lions, of popcorn fluttering like snow through the air, and of a pair of serious green eyes that looked at him as if they knew him.

"Hey! Wake up!" A pair of hands roughly shook Duo from his dreams, the voice coarse in his groggy state. He opened his eyes to find a small man with dark hair and a skinny black mustache glaring at him.

"I'm sorry, I'll go now," Duo stuttered, quickly scrambling up despite his aching muscles, he staggered in place, reaching out a hand to steady himself against the bleachers and falling over when his hand met nothing but thin air.

The man with the mustache grimaced and reached down a hand to help him up. "You could have been hurt you know," he said in a slightly kinder voice, taking a moment to eye the boy who blinked sleepily at him. "It's a good thing Trowa spotted you here, or else we would've packed you up with the stands." He gestured at the empty tent, all the bleachers gone, and the residue of empty containers being swept up by various circus hands.

Duo rubbed his eyes, ignoring the deep rumbles from his stomach and smiled at the man. "This might sound cliché, but I want to join the circus."

A bellowing laugh answered him followed by a heavy clap on his shoulder that staggered him forward. "Of course you do! Doesn't everyone?" The man looked amused beyond belief, his teeth very white and shiny in the dimness of the tent. "And what is your name young sir?"

"Duo, Duo Maxwell."

"Do you have any skills?"

Duo paused, wondering if he did have any skills that could be used in a circus. Across the tent, he could just make out a team of acrobats practicing, jumping from each other's shoulders, spinning easily through the air, and landing in graceful poses. "I could do that," he said a little uneasily, gesturing towards the acrobats. "Though, I've never tried it before, I'm willing to learn."

"I see," the man said, taking one of Duo's arms and squeezing his bicep, then reaching down and running his hands along one of Duo's legs. He poked Duo's stomach, murmured to himself, and then looked the boy in the eyes and nodded. "You've got potential, I'll give you that, but we don't need anyone who lacks experience."

"But, please I- I have no place to go." Duo begged, clasping his hands around the man's and opening his eyes as wide as he could. To his surprise the tears came without even trying, perhaps he was more tired and hungry then he'd realized.

"Master Ringlo, that is cruel, cannot you see he is very suffering?" said a new voice in a reprimanding tone.

Duo glanced through his tears, thankful that someone was on his side. Then he did a double take, realizing that the one who had spoken was a boy around his own age.

"Trowa, he has no experience, and we don't have time to train a new acrobat. I'm not being intentionally cruel, I'm being practical."

"Were you practical being when you hire me?" The boy asked, and Duo listened with fascination to his odd accent, taking a moment to look over the rest of the boy. He was tall, much taller than Duo himself, and very slim. Yet, despite the fact that he was a mere boy, he seemed to have a very commanding presence.

The man named Master Ringlo sighed deeply, and looked to Duo once more, then he smiled. "He's right of course, and he did turn out to be one of the best I've ever hired. Alright Duo Maxwell, I'll hire you, but if you don't learn the routine within a month, you're out of here, understand?"

"Yes sir!" Duo crowed, and then, much to his surprise, he fainted.


He'd been with the circus for less then a few days when they started his training. The other acrobats - a small troupe of about fourteen men and women - welcomed him warmly and took to his training with gusto. He soon found that some of the other acrobats were around his own age, while some were over twice his age, and all shared one thing in common. They were all very petite people.

Duo had always bemoaned his tiny size, constantly being made fun of in high school - since he tended to be shorter than even the freshmen. It had never helped that he was pretty, not handsome as he so wished he could have been, but pretty. Though he soon enough discovered that in the Ringlo Circus looks had nothing to do with anything; most often everyone would wear faces full of heavy makeup, and Trowa even wore a mask.

Trowa - Duo became fascinated with the other boy. No one was sure where he'd come from, one day merely showing up at the circus and saying much as Duo had that he wanted to join it. Except, Duo was sure that Trowa had a lot more talent for it than he did.

Master Ringlo always had Trowa by his side, helping to direct the movements of setting up and taking down the circus, occasionally even helping out in the big ring on especially full nights. Duo was amazed to find that Trowa was an acrobat as well, though more often he worked with the lions. It was well into the second week of training before Duo finally had a chance to talk to the boy that seemed so similar to himself.

He'd been practicing outside near the trailers, forcing his body to obey the command to back flip with a quarter turn. He'd been quite pleased to discover that acrobatics came naturally to his small frame, his muscles and bones easily accommodating the complex movements. Just as he managed to complete a series of ten flips to be followed by a high spin, he found himself crotch to face with Trowa. Well, his crotch to Trowa's face. His arms pin-wheeled for a moment as he hung balanced on the other boy and then he fell backwards. Before he felt the crush of the ground, Trowa had caught him, slowly levering him to his feet with a grin.

"I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"Is all right, things take practice." Trowa smiled widely, and for the first time Duo noticed that his eyes were a rich shade of green.

"Trowa, I've been meaning to ask-"

"Ask,"

"Well, where do you come from?" Duo had in fact been meaning to ask that, enraptured by the other boy's bizarre accent. Sometimes it sounded German, sometimes French and most of the time, just a little stilted, as if the words were hard to remember.

"I do not remember much, such long ago, but I think maybe Europe?" he tacked on a question mark, as if unsure himself where it was he was from.
"Don't you know?"

They started to walk together towards the mess tent, legs swinging in sync as they meandered through rope-strewn areas, around booths and boxes. Trowa smiled, lips twisting wryly. "No, I came here, when I was lost. Master Ringlo say to give me a chance. But I better than he think."

"You don't remember where you were before here?" Duo asked curiously, astounded that someone could not know where they'd come from. Duo remembered quite easily, but then, it would be easy, since he had lived as long as he could remember in the orphanage or various foster homes.

"No, I -" Trowa stopped, staring off over the roofs of the tents, one hand rubbing absently at his temple. "I just remember being here one night, it was snowing, as with you. It was very cold, and I was tired and hungry."

"What did you do?"

They settled together at one of the mess tables, only a few others scattered around the tent, everyone off practicing or setting things up for the evening. Trowa took an apple from the bowl on the table and bit into it enthusiastically before answering.

"I sleep with the lions," he said after a bit, grinning around his mouthful of apple.

"Sleep…with the lions?" Duo's eyes grew wide. He couldn't imagine being brave enough to crawl in with the lions, all of them much larger than he was.

Trowa nodded, still with that small smile, as if he were sharing a private joke with himself. "Yes, the tent was warm, and no one was there. The lions would not hurt me, you see?"

"No, I mean, they're lions, of course they would hurt you."

"Ah, no, they only fear those that make threats. The lions very wise that way."

"You're very brave then, much braver than I am."

"Oh?" Trowa seemed amazed, "you fear the lions?"

"Of course I do! They're so big, and they could just tear me apart in seconds. And it's not like they have a reason not to."

"You do not know lions then, hm?" Then Trowa grinned, grabbing Duo's arm and tugging him off the bench. "Come. We see the fear."

"No, no! I - uh, I could live without the lions."

"I protect you, they will not eat you," Trowa glanced down Duo's tiny frame, "you much too small for them," he said with another grin. "Come."

Duo realized protesting wouldn't have much affect, and so he let Trowa lead him from the mess tent, and around the boxes and booths until they at last stood in front of the dark interior of the lion tent. Duo froze, transfixed at the entrance, hearing inside the restless pacing, and rumbles of the lions.

"I hope they've been fed," he muttered as Trowa tugged him inside. It took a few moments for his eyes to adjust within the dark tent. Gradually he could make out the cages and within them, the lions. "They're so big," he mumbled, a bit shocked by the sheer size of the animals. He'd never been so close before, from far away they appeared like big dogs, but up close, they were more like horses. Their mouths were caverns, paws big enough to cover his entire chest. Despite himself, he began to shiver. "Ok, can we go now, Trowa? Please?"

"No, you will see that fear is not needed for the lions." He tugged Duo over to the closest cage, slipping his free hand inside and gently stroking the lion that came to greet him. "See? Very friend, won't hurt you."

Duo remained stock still as he watched Trowa pet the lion's mane, stroking his fingers down over the nose of the beast. He was sure that at any moment, the lion would snap and Trowa would scream as his arm was left a stump. However, it never happened and to his utter surprise, the lion began to purr. Duo laughed a little as the loud rumbling purr only got louder, and then, biting his lip, he tentatively put his hand on the lion's head.

The large golden and brown eyes opened lazily to look at him, and then they closed once more, the purr if anything growing even louder. Duo chuckled, finding the fur soft and coarse, a bit like a dog's, or maybe a cat's, and yet different then either. Carefully he trailed his fingers over the mane, then up to the ears where he gently ran his fingers over the tips.

"You see? No fear of the lions," Trowa was smiling too, gently caressing the lion still. "You want help feed them?" he asked after a while of quiet petting. "I take help, would be nice."

"Really?" Duo pulled his hand back out of the cage, staring up at Trowa's face and meeting the steady green gaze. "I'd like that."

"Good, come here twice a day. Morning and after the show, yes?"

"Okay, thanks Trowa. I - you're right, I guess there is nothing to fear."

"Fear itself, that is what is to fear," Trowa said softly.


Sometimes Duo would wonder how his foster parents were, if they missed him or had sent out a search party. He'd feel pangs of guilt, knowing they very well might be worried sick. They had been caring people, not like some of his other foster parents. So it was that when they hit the next large city, he wandered out after the last performance to find a phone booth. The city was dark, the moon hiding behind clouds and earth. The snow was settling thick on the ground, the wind chill in the night air.

Duo shivered, tugging his new jacket closer about himself, and pulling the collar up to protect his neck. The circus life was agreeing with him, he'd managed to put on a little weight, and had even developed some muscle from constantly practicing and performing. The food as well was always fresh and delicious, Master Ringlo insisting that his people eat only the best. "A happy performer is a good performer," he'd told Duo one day after he'd asked why the food was always so tasty.

The streets were empty as Duo walked quietly along them. He never bothered to keep track of where they were, always choosing to stay with the others, close to the circus. But tonight he'd finally decided he couldn't stand the idea of not telling his foster parents he was at the very least, still alive.

After a while of walking, he at last found a telephone booth, the light inside of it dim and sputtering. He went in, closing the door as best he could, and digging through his pocket for the handful of change he'd brought. The phone on the other end rang and rang for what seemed an eternity before finally the familiar voice of his foster mother picked up.

"Hello?" she sounded as if he'd woken her up, and then he realized he most likely had.

"I- hi," he said a bit lamely, unsure of why he had thought to call, then he remembered. "I'm sorry I ran away."

"Ohh! Duo! My god! Where are you? Are you all right? We've been so worried!"

"Heh, yeah I'm all right. I just - I wanted to tell you that I was okay. I'm alive, I'm well, and…I think I'm happy." He could hear his foster father on the other end of the line; groggily asking whom it was at such a late hour. He was surprised to feel a surge of longing for the home he'd chosen to leave behind. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to worry you."

"Oh Duo," she sighed heavily, choking back something that sounded like a sob. "It's all right, Duo. We always knew you didn't care for it here. I'm just - I'm glad you're happy now."

"I am," but suddenly he felt a little choked up himself, stunned to find his face wet from unnoticed tears. "Tell Jake I'm sorry too, I - miss you two. I just wanted you to know." Slowly he hung up the phone, feeling heavy-hearted for the first time in months. They had been good parents, but he hadn't been happy there, hadn't been happy much of anywhere, until now.

"Duo?"

He jumped in shock as a voice said his name from the darkness beyond the telephone booth. Then the familiar figure of Trowa was there, one soulful green eye visible beneath the long bangs he wore. Without a thought, Duo threw himself at the boy and sobbed. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt them." He trembled, his entire soul feeling dreadful for the pain and worry he'd caused his foster parents.

"Is dangerous here alone," Trowa murmured, awkwardly patting Duo on the back. "Not like lions."

Duo choked back a sobbing laugh, extricating himself and grinning a bit sheepishly up at his friend. "I'm sorry, Trowa. It's just, I never thought - I didn't mean to -" he wiped absently at his tear soaked face. "I'm such a fool."

"Hm?" Trowa looked confused, taking Duo by the hand and leading him back down the street, back to the circus, home. "Not foolish I think, human."

"Trowa, do you ever wonder, where your parents are? If they worry about you?"

"No," Trowa looked upwards, craning his neck backwards. "No moon tonight."

"Why not? Don't you think they worry about you?"

"No, I know they do not."

"Why not?"

"They are dead."

"Oh," Duo remained silent for the rest of the walk back to the circus. Wondering if he were lucky to have had caring foster parents, or unlucky, to have not been happy with them. "I'm sorry," he whispered softly when they at last stood outside the trailer he shared with five other people.

"Hm, is all right, Duo." Trowa patted his hand, letting it go. "It happened long ago, before here I think. I do not remember much." He stared once more up at the night sky. "I think they would be happy for me, to have found a home."

"Yeah, Mary - that's my foster mother, she said she was glad I was happy. But, I still felt so bad, I never thought of how much they might worry about me." Duo could feel those unexplainable tears welling up again, and fiercely fought them back, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, I can't believe this is making me cry."

Trowa smiled, once more taking Duo's hand. "It is okay, Duo. To cry is to admit feeling, and to feel is never bad." He glanced back along the narrow space between the trailers, and then grinned suddenly and brightly down at Duo. "Come," he said, tugging Duo along. "Tonight I think you need comfort, hm?"

"Oh no, I should sleep, tomorrow we're practicing a new routin-" he stopped abruptly as he realized where Trowa was taking him. "The lions! But Trowa, I can't sleep, not with them, they might eat me in their sleep!"

Trowa grimaced, and gave Duo a scathing look. Then he tugged Duo into the darkness of the lion's tent, rumbles, and purrs filling the small-enclosed space. The door to the cage squeaked as it opened, and then they stepped inside the enclosed darkness.

Duo had never yet actually been inside with the lions. Though he had been feeding them now for over a month, he'd yet to gain the courage to be in the same space with the large beasts.

"Come," Trowa whispered, pulling Duo towards one of the giant slumbering animals. Gently he pushed Duo down on the padded floor beside the big lion, nudging him backwards into the warm and soft belly. "I stay with you," he said reassuringly, sitting down and positioning Duo between himself and the lion. Then he lay down, tucking his head neatly against Duo's shoulder, one arm protectively covering Duo's stomach.

Duo could just feel the lion's monstrous paws beside him, the large body rumbling, hot breath wafting across his neck. "Y-you promise he won't eat me?" he whispered, though already he was less afraid, warm, and cozy snuggled between Trowa and the lion.

Trowa didn't answer, only the soft sound of his breathing close beside Duo's ear, and to his surprise, Duo slept better than he ever had before.



Duo was afraid of heights. Well, not really afraid of the height, so much as afraid of falling from the height. He'd never admit it though, bravely climbing the ladder up to the trapeze in order to begin learning that art as well. However, on his very first day, he found he might never be able to climb that ladder again without fear. Falling the distance almost as soon as he’d reached for the trapeze, and landing with a resounding crack on the netting below. He'd broken his ankle on the first try.

Master Ringlo though had been very kind, more worried for Duo than for the show. They'd called in the resident doctor that traveled with the circus, and Master Ringlo had reassured Duo that he wouldn't have to try the trapeze again. Some acrobats, he'd told Duo, never did get the hang of it. Then he'd laughed at his pun, patting Duo on the arm and smiling down at him. "You can stay here, I'll tell Trowa to bring you food and keep an eye on you."

"You're not mad at me?" Duo asked, fearful that he'd have to leave the circus, and find a new way to make a living.
"Oh no my dear boy, far from it. You were very brave," Master Ringlo said gently. "Oh, I'd nearly forgotten, here." Ringlo handed Duo a small bottle of pills. "Doc said to take one of these if you felt any pain, alright my boy?"

"Okay Master Ringlo, thank you."

It was shortly after Master Ringlo's visit that Duo did start to feel the pain, his ankle letting him know that being broken was no small matter. It was then he realized that the pill bottle was beyond child proof, and absurdly hard to open. After much shaking, cursing and eventually throwing the bottle against the door, Duo gave up and decided he'd just have to live with it - at least until he could get someone to figure out how to open the damned bottle.

Mournfully he lay in bed, eying the bottle where it lay against the doorframe, and wishing with a steady fervor that he hadn't broken his ankle. Then he wouldn't have to lie there and glare at a bottle - which no doubt didn't feel an inch of guilt for not opening.

He was dozing lightly when the door creaked open, Trowa poking his head in and smiling. He held up a tray of food, and bent to pick up the pill bottle. "Did it deserve it?" he asked, waggling the pill bottle at Duo.

"More than deserved it, it refused to open," Duo growled sullenly, casting a glare at the bottle and struggling to sit up in bed without causing himself too much pain. "Could you?"

"Yes," Trowa laid the tray on Duo's lap, and then with an ease that should have been illegal deftly twisted open the bottle. He glanced questioningly at Duo. "Two?"

"Yes, otherwise I won't be able to sleep at all." He took the proffered pills, downing them and taking a long drink from the cup of water Trowa had brought. "Thanks. God, I never thought a broken bone could hurt so much." He rolled his eyes and laid back against the pillow, sighing deeply, a frown marring his face. "Trowa, have you ever broken a bone?"

"Many, arm, leg, elbow, rib-" he stopped and smiled at Duo, "it hurts every time." He lifted the tray, helping Duo to sit up a bit more, and then carefully laid the tray down once more. "Master Ringlo think you were very brave though. Say he never saw one not cry for broken bone." Trowa scooted onto the bed beside Duo, patting his knee.

"Did you cry?"

"Always, it hurts, does it not?"

"A lot, but it didn't make me cry. Not like other stuff. It's just more, I don't know, sort of frustrating then anything, you know?" Duo eyed the tray, pleased to see his favorite foods on it. He took a large bite of the overloaded roast beef sandwich and chewed thoughtfully for a moment. "I can't imagine you crying over anything."

Trowa laughed, settling back comfortably. "I do, a lot."

"Over broken bones?" Duo was already beginning to feel the painkillers kicking in, growing groggy, and sedated - the throbbing pain in his ankle seeming to fade. He managed to finish the sandwich and eyed the soup longingly, before sighing and pushing the tray towards Trowa. "I don't think I can manage to eat anymore right now, thanks though."

"Mm," Trowa nodded noncommittally, laying the tray to one side, he carefully repositioned himself so as not to jar the injured ankle, wrapping an arm firmly around Duo's shoulders and maneuvering until he could lay his head beside the other boy's. "Sleep," he whispered softly, stroking a few errant wisps of hair from Duos' face. And just like that, Duo drew in a breath, sighed deeply, and slipped into unconsciousness as if charmed; never noticing the small, soft kiss that Trowa pressed to his brow.


Within a few days, Duo was allowed a pair of crutches, and able to bumble his way around the circus. Many times Trowa would keep him company, always reassuring and comforting. They fed the lions, and watched the practice sessions of the other acrobats. Trowa showed Duo how he trained the lions, laughing when one of them mock-attacked the boy.

"They are trained to know, they do not hurt, hm?" he asked, still chuckling behind his hand, eyes sparkling beneath the fringe of his hair. He'd helped Duo back to his feet, passing over the crutches with a grin.

Duo had been surprised, figuring that if a beast that big knocked you over, you might never get back up. But Trowa had been right, the lions - though enthusiastic - were as gentle as their trainer was. Somehow, they knew just how much pressure a human could withstand. However, Duo was still too afraid to try to put his hands in their mouths as Trowa did.


It was a few weeks before Duo's cast was due to come off. They were sitting together beneath a tree, in a small town somewhere in North America; surrounded by a field of tall grass, wildflowers dotting it in spots. The clouds above were puffy and full looking, like wet cotton balls, the sky was that pale blue that made you recall childhood for some reason.

"Trowa," Duo waited until the other boy turned, his attention drifting from the clouds he'd been staring at.

"Hm?"

"Have you ever, eh, have you," Duo found getting the question out harder than he'd thought, then he finally spit it out in a rush of words, blushing a bit in embarrassment. "Have you ever had sex before?"

Duo had never seen Trowa blush before, and was fascinated as the colour seeped into his cheeks, and down to his neck. Hurriedly he tried to explain, "it's just, I haven't, and I wondered if you had, and maybe if I should?"

"With me?" Trowa asked, brow crinkling in an effort to understand the quickly blurted information and question.

Duo laughed, covering his mouth and hiding his face. "Oh, no, no, I didn't mean, that is, oh, this is not coming out right at all," he groaned, rubbing at his forehead.

Trowa's face was the perfect picture of a question mark as he waited for Duo to explain.

"I meant; have you ever had sex with *anyone*? Because you see, I haven't. And I feel like maybe I should, because I'm certainly old enough, you know?"

"How old are you?"

Duo laughed again, flushed with embarrassment but determined to talk to someone about it. "I'll be seventeen soon, but, is that too old do you think?"
"No," Trowa was looking at the clouds again, and Duo watched his face, realizing not for the first time just how very handsome Trowa was; wishing that he too could be handsome, instead of merely pretty.

"How old are you?"

"Mm, nineteen?"

"You're not sure?"

"Well, I am with Master Ringlo since I was ten, and nine years have passed. So, I must be nineteen I think. But, I do not remember when I was born."

"It must be strange, not being sure of things like that," Duo mused, leaning back on his elbows to stare at the clouds as well. "So, have you?"

"Have I what?"

"Had sex?"

"Yes," Trowa's voice dropped slightly. "But, not I think, what you are thinking?"

"Huh? What do you mean?" Duo was interested despite himself, wondering how someone could have sex any other way then, well, to have it.

"Well, it was not with a woman?"

"Huh? Oh my god! Don't tell me it was with one of the lions!"

"Oh! No!" Trowa burst into laughter, shaking with mirth. "Duo," he said reproachfully, slapping his shoulder. "How could you think such things? A lion," he dissolved into giggles.

"Then, what do you mean?" Duo tried, pulling his friend up and staring at him.

"It was a man, not a lion." Trowa hiccupped, giggling again at the mere idea. "A lion," he started to laugh once more and then caught Duo's expression and stopped abruptly. "Oh, I am sorry, does this - does it bother you?"

Duo wasn't so much horrified as he was mesmerized by the idea. "A man, but, how? I mean, where…er-" he trailed off uncertainly. He'd never quite considered the notion before, despite the few times he'd been hit on by men, he'd never bothered to think further on the matter. "Was it good?" he asked at last. More curious about that, than any other question at the moment.

"Yes and no."

More questions circled Duo's brain howling for attention. He wanted to ask if it hurt, when it had happened, whom it had been with. Instead, he nodded, musing quietly and gnawing on his bottom lip.

"Are you okay?" Trowa asked worriedly after the silence extended into minutes.

"Yeah, I just, I've never thought about it before. I always just figured well…women, you know? Never really thought about men, well, not like that. I didn't think, that is I…"

"What, never?" Trowa asked curiously.
"Well," and despite himself Duo realized that he might have thought of it, maybe just once, possibly involving Trowa himself. But how could he word it, explain that he hadn't even really known what it was he was thinking at the time.

"Have you kissed?" Trowa asked after a few more moments of silence, and Duo felt his heart begin to pound.

"Yeah, of course, well, no, not really," he said with laugh. "Just my foster mother, and, once when I was about twelve or so, I kissed a girl at school."

Trowa was staring off beyond where they sat, his expression considering. "Duo, you would like me to kiss you?"

"I," Duo swallowed the sudden lump of fear in his throat, glancing down at his cast-covered ankle. "Do you want to?" He looked up, meeting Trowa's gaze, those emerald eyes unblinking.

"Yes,"

"Oh," Duo was quiet for a moment, wondering how to start it, should he lean in, or close his eyes or- Trowa answered his unspoken hesitance for him, leaning over and quite casually putting a hand at the back of his neck, and then gently pressing his lips to Duo's.

It was nice, was Duo's first thought; soft, and warm, the pressure of Trowa's mouth light and gentle, like his touch when training the lions. Duo wondered if perhaps Trowa was training him. He sank into the sensation, the tree above them and the field beyond blurring into darkness as his eyelids slid shut. His stomach felt like it was shimmering, queasy and excited all at once.

He didn't notice when his hands came up to clasp Trowa's face, wasn't aware of the small sound of desperation that fell from his throat. He'd never known that a kiss could be like this, so electrifying and scary at the same time.

Then Trowa was leaning back again, a smile on his lips as he gazed at Duo's flushed face. "Did you like it?" His fingers lingered at the back of Duo's neck.

"Umhm," Duo nodded enthusiastically, already wanting another one - maybe a couple million kisses such as that. "Is there more?"

Trowa laughed, running his fingers over Duo's cheek. "Yes, much more. You want to know it all?"

"Oh yes!" and then Duo laughed at his own exuberance. "I mean, that is, if you want to?"

"Well," Trowa glanced down at the cast on Duo's ankle, touching it with a finger. "When this is off, yes?"

"Why do we have to wait?"

Trowa smiled a slow, sensual smile that Duo had never before seen on his face. It was a lazy twisting of his lips that seemed to speak volumes, and suddenly Duo found himself shivering in anticipation. "Can I have more kisses until then?"

"Of cours-" Trowa didn't have time to finish saying yes before his arms were full of eager boy. The rest of the afternoon passed in a blur, as he shared the finer points of kissing with Duo in the field beneath the tree.


After that day in the field, when Trowa had kissed him, Duo had been burning up with curiosity. He remembered well enough the idiotic locker room chats the boys at his old high school would have. However, those had always been about what a boy did with a girl, not what a boy did with another boy. Duo was sure they were mostly the wrong things to do anyway, considering the maturity of the average boy he’d gone to school with.

He knew about homosexuality though - bisexuality, heterosexuality – hell, he’d owned a television. Unfortunately, what he really knew of what went on behind the scenes was somewhat hazy, as if seen through a fog. He wondered whether he should find out more first before going further with Trowa, or whether he should just trust that everything else would be as fantastic as kissing had been.

He remembered those kisses in the field a little too fondly, parts of his body coming to attention just from thinking about them. Never once did he even question that he was attracted to Trowa, it seemed too natural for horror or shame. Mostly what he felt when he thought of Trowa now, was a yearning, a longing to know more of the other boy.


It was a few days after the field and the kissing before Duo had some time alone with Trowa. It wasn’t that he’d been avoiding the green-eyed boy, more like, hiding. He’d wanted to straighten out what it was he was feeling, and now he felt that he had. Almost. There were a few other questions on his mind and he was determined to know the answers to those too before anything else happened.

He slipped into the lion tent, silently watching as Trowa fed large pieces of meat to the great beasts. The lion’s constantly amazed Duo, they never bit, never scratched, and never behaved like the animals they looked to be. They were almost like any other performer at the circus, just doing their job.

Duo cleared his throat, smiling as Trowa turned to glance at him. “Hi, I wondered if you wanted some help?”

Trowa merely nodded, waiting for Duo to set his crutches aside before handing him another bucket of meat.

Silently they fed the lions, the only sounds for a long while the biting, chewing and ripping sounds of flesh being torn by large teeth. Eventually Duo glanced down and realized his bucket was empty, and felt suddenly nervous. “Trowa,”

“Yes?” Trowa laid his empty bucket to the side as well, meeting Duo’s gaze head on.

“I,” Duo shook his head a bit, realized he was blushing, and looked away. “I was wondering, would you, um, that is, could you-“ he trailed off uncertainly.

“Yes?” Trowa walked closer, an inquiring look on his face.

“Will you kiss me again?” Duo finally blurted out, backing up in sheer embarrassment. “It’s just ever since the other day I can’t stop thinking,” he paused, taking a deep breath, “about what more there is, and I’d like to know.”

“Oh,” suddenly Trowa smiled, teeth flashing as it widened into a grin. “What of that?” he nodded downwards at Duo’s cast, nudging it with the toe of his shoe.

“I can’t wait, it’s got another two weeks, and I don’t have the patience. I-“ Trowa had stepped even closer at some point, and Duo realized a moment too late that he was pinned with his back against the lion’s cage.

“No patience?” Trowa asked, his voice low and somehow a shade deeper.

“None,” Duo said, smiling a bit as he realized he might just get his wish. “I’ve never really had any real friends before, you know? And, I like you.” He glanced up, meeting Trowa’s eyes once more. “I like you quite a bit.”

“Oh,” Trowa breathed, his eyes widening in surprise. “You are my friend, Duo.” He stopped, looking to the side and swallowing before continuing. “I not have many.”

Duo didn’t bother waiting; he leaned forward and met Trowa’s mouth with a soft, comforting sound. He realized suddenly that maybe he hadn’t been the only lonely or unhappy person in the world - that maybe though it had never felt like it, there had always been someone else just like him out there.

Trowa’s mouth had not lost any skills in the past few days, not that Duo had expected it to. If anything, Duo wanted to show Trowa that he could give as well as he received. Sure, he hadn’t kissed many people - but he’d always been an incredibly fast learner. His eyes closed as he wrapped his arms comfortably around Trowa’s shoulders, his fingers slipping over the cloth covered back, tightening possessively for a moment of time. He’d never wanted anyone or anything quite like he wanted Trowa.

Even as the kiss went on, changing and becoming a more fluid thing, hotter, wetter, he couldn’t stop the little monologue that played in his head. He wanted to tell Trowa, that from the very beginning, from the moment he’d heard that stilted accent he’d been enthralled. He wanted to murmur that his feelings had only grown with time. Whisper that he wasn’t sure what it all meant. Instead, all he managed was a tiny moan of happiness, his body wriggling excitedly between the cage and Trowa.

There was a muted growl, and it took a moment for Duo to realize it wasn’t Trowa, but was in fact a lion. He grinned, leaning back from the kiss and smiling upwards with half-closed eyes. “Probably shouldn’t do this here, huh?” His fingers tugged at Trowa’ shirt, slipping it out of the tight jeans the other boy customarily wore. He trembled slightly as his fingers coasted over smooth skin that was warm and pulsing with life, sliding his hands up to crumple the edge of the shirt in his fists. “The lions might get jealous.”

Trowa nodded, a serious considering expression on his face, and then he laughed. “I think no,” then he shook his head, hips smoothly pressing closer. “You want more, yes?”

“Uhn, yeah,” Duo managed through the almost stifling sensation of arousal his body felt at the contact. He could feel every inch of Trowa’s erection pressing against him, the muscles of thigh and arm as they wrapped him securely against the bars. A gasp of utter delight left him as Trowa’s hand found its way downwards, deftly slipping the button of his jeans open, the zipper sounding like a purr as it descended.

His mouth opened as he felt the warmth of Trowa’s hand enclose his shaft, calluses on the tips of his fingers, the softness of his palm. If Duo had had enough of his mind left, he might’ve wondered why it felt so different from masturbation. Instead, he tilted his head back, his shoulders curving against the bars behind him, unconsciously offering more of himself.

Trowa answered the unspoken invitation with his mouth, following the line of throat, licking along the bones of collar and shoulder. His hand busily began moving, sliding up, down, expertly tweaking and squeezing. Almost immediately Duo’s body began shuddering, climax rippling downward from his stomach to tighten in his abdomen, slink even lower and settle into an excited flicker in his groin. His fingers slipped from Trowa’s back and reached out blindly until they clutched at the bars behind him, legs spreading and bracing. The impact of orgasm as it crested was like a bomb going off, his entire body shaking with it, legs giving out despite the hasty brace against the bars. He wasn’t aware of the noise he was making until Trowa’s mouth covered his own, silencing the frenzied sounds.

It felt like an eternity before he came back to earth, eyes opening languidly, taking a moment before they could focus properly. When at last they did focus, he found himself staring into a pair of bemused green eyes centimeters from his own. He laughed a little at the haze that seemed to cover them much as the one that had covered his own only seconds before. “Don’t tell me. I don’t get to return the favor, do I?” He nodded downwards at the front of Trowa’s jeans - the faint damp spot on them barely visible - and then sighed forlornly at Trowa’s embarrassed nod, before grinning rather wickedly. “Well then, what are you doing later?”

The trailer that Trowa lived in was small, but he didn’t have to share it - Trowa was such a needed pin in the cogwheel of the circus that he was allowed a whole trailer to himself. Duo had been in it a few times, chatting, or merely spending time there because he could. Now though, he went because he knew they could be alone there.

The first night he’d stayed with Trowa they’d both been too tired for anything other than snuggling together and falling asleep in a gentle heap of limbs – after that Duo decided he wouldn’t be able to sleep anywhere else. It hadn’t taken much to talk Master Ringlo into let him move into Trowa’s trailer. Apparently, the man had some idea that the two boys didn’t want to be separated any more than they had to be. It took Duo less than five minutes to move in, everything he owned fitting neatly into a backpack.

Some nights, they would explore, tracking each other’s bodies, mouths finding little crevices or corners to investigate upon one another. Other nights they would lie awake, hands at rest, hearts beating steadily into the night like trains passing in the distance.

It was a week before Duo’s cast was due off; a week since he’d moved in with Trowa, a week since he’d discovered the pleasures of the flesh. Duo decided it was time to get the cast off, no matter what.

His visit to the circus’s Doc went surprisingly well, the only unfortunate thing was finding out that his cast could’ve been removed over a week before. It didn’t matter, he was just as thrilled to see it come off what he considered a week early. His long lost ankle was pale and delicate looking when at last it was revealed to the light again, the Doc warning against any overly strenuous movement. Duo was tempted to ask if sex might be considered overly strenuous, but bit his lip and kept quiet instead.

The walk back to the trailer he shared with Trowa was slow and strange, his ankle feeling sore and fragile. However, the look on Trowa’s face at the sight, his features lighting up, was worth it. “Do you want a shower?”

“How’d you know?” Duo asked curiously. He had felt exactly like taking a shower, wanting to wash away the feel of the cast still binding his ankle, not to mention finally being able to take a shower without a plastic bag as part of the process.

“Broke many bones,” Trowa answered succinctly, handing Duo a towel and wandering off to the back bedroom.

It was nearly a half hour before Duo emerged from the tiny bathroom, hair dripping on the floor as he limped his way to the bedroom. He smiled when he found Trowa reading quietly on the bed, his feet propped up against the wall, head upside down. One green eye peered over the edge of the magazine, the eyebrow that raised looking odd from the upside down position. “Better?”

“Much, though I wonder how long it will be before it feels normal again.”

“A week, two,” Trowa rolled over, sitting up on his knees and watching as Duo went through the process of brushing his hair and dressing. His eyes followed the other boy from one point of the room to the other until at last Duo settled onto the bed beside him.

“Trowa,” Duo paused, staring down at his ankle. It looked decidedly strange, pale and wispy in the late afternoon light, though his toes were tan. Then Trowa’s long fingers were covering it, gently running over the bone and muscle, lightly tracing the tendons. Duo felt his heart pick up a beat at just that bare caress, his skin becoming hot and tight at the contact.

As if moving in slow motion he slid his leg away, leaning forward as he did so, face inches away from Trowa’s. The small bedroom seemed to slip away, the edges becoming misty in his vision. Oddly, Duo became hyperaware of everything else. The mattress, the sheets, the feel of Trowa’s skin as he moved against him, those impossibly delicate and strong hands carefully removing the t-shirt he’d just put on.

It came to him then, why he liked Trowa so much. It wasn’t so much the touches on the outside, as what he’d done for Duo on the inside. When Duo had first seen the circus, he’d felt that the illusive something he’d been chasing since he’d run away would be found there. He just hadn’t realized it would be found in another person.

Trowa slipped off Duo’s shorts, spending another moment tenderly touching the newly healed and cast free ankle before leaving it with a tickling kiss. He smiled, and it came to Duo with a shock that Trowa only ever smiled around him, for him. Recalling all the times they’d been around the other performers, he couldn’t remember once that smile being directed elsewhere.

As if picking up on his thoughts Trowa glanced up and into Duo’s eyes, the smile growing larger. “Hm?”

“Was just thinking,” Duo pulled his shorts off his ankle, tossing them to one side and reaching for the one article of clothing Trowa happened to be wearing. “Why did you follow me that night? When I went to call my foster parents.”

“I-“ Trowa stopped; breath hitching as Duo slipped the button on his jeans, fingers toying with it instead of moving on. “I want to, felt-” he drew in a ragged breath as the zipper came down, Duo’s hands pushing the cloth from his hips unhurriedly. “Felt you need.”

Duo merely nodded, not really needing a verbal reply. That was just it; he never needed Trowa to really say it, or anything. Verbal communication between them had almost always been unnecessary. Perhaps that was why the accent and stilting speech had fascinated Duo, it wasn’t that he couldn’t understand it, but that he understood without it. Trowa had never been one to talk, his expression, eyes, the twists at the corners of his mouth, the way his hands moved subtly with his emotions – Duo didn’t need to hear the words at all.

“I know,” Duo said at last, looking down, letting the very tips of his fingers barely graze. He glanced up, the sunlight was pooling around them like melted honey, Trowa’s eyes large and intensely emerald. “But, you know too, don’t you? You always have.” A long sigh flowed from Trowa’s lips then, his eyes closing as Duo moved closer.

Duo let his hands wander, jolting at the almost electrical shock as their lips met. Had it always felt like this, or was it something newer than before. Unconsciously he’d already translated that one long sigh, the flicker of Trowa’s eyelashes like an entire conversation. The tongue that traced his bottom lip, slipping inside his mouth, it spoke too, silently, with soft caresses and gentle stabs. The hands that slid up from his hips, smoothed over his ribs, and then clutched tightly at his shoulders, those spoke as well. Everything they said spoke of caring, love, and a deeply devout friendship - of the loneliness of life, the unknowing and uncertainty.

He wondered if Trowa could read him in much the same way, able to interpret action without words. Experimenting, a tiny grin on his lips, he leaned away, shifting around until he could press his back to Trowa’s chest. He wasn’t surprised as Trowa’s arms circled him automatically, lips pressing behind his ear, breath whispering past it.

Duo let out a quiet sigh, feeling almost too comfortable, at ease, just right. Then his body reminded him of other things, his skin pricking and tense as fingertips coasted over it. He wriggled further back, stretching his arms over his head, and looping them around Trowa’s neck. Out of the corner of his eye he could just see Trowa’s face, the expression seemingly closed. Though Duo could see right through it to the concentration hidden in the lowered lashes, the vulnerability in the tenseness of jaw.

He glanced down and watched in a dreamy detached way as the sunlight gleamed over the skin of his thighs and stomach, Trowa’s hands a shade darker, browned to a golden shade, the fine hairs on them shimmering. His mind seemed far away, watching as his body writhed gently in place, speaking without thought and without words. He wanted to paint pictures of what it all looked like, somehow capture the feeling of the moment in a scrapbook.

Even with the eventual slide of Trowa inside of him, the faraway burn of pain followed by a much deeper filling sensation – Duo didn’t lose the feeling of being mesmerized. Though every inch of his skin was acutely aware, the sweat dampened space between his back and Trowa’s chest, the way the tanned fingertips on his hips tightened reflexively, even the small sprays of his own hair over his eyelashes catching the late afternoon sunlight.

Abruptly he was slammed back into his own body completely, all such hazed thoughts leaving in a brisk shot of adrenaline. He found himself clutching at Trowa’s shoulders, an ache settling into his ankle from the arch of his back, the strain of trying to cave backwards, a different ache settling into the pit of his stomach before inevitably moving lower.

Trowa may not have needed words to express himself, but suddenly Duo found that he did, a stream of nearly unintelligible words leaving his mouth rapidly. He wasn’t even sure what it was he wanted to communicate, other than the need that he suddenly felt, the desperate desire to be pushed off into the abyss of orgasm. The one height he knew he’d never be afraid to fall from. There was no sound when he came, his mouth opening wide, and only silence flowing out.

Later, when he lifted his head from Trowa’s chest and gazed downwards, he found he still had no words, but most remarkable of all, he found he didn’t need any.


Later that night, after the evening performance, after another hypnotizing bout of sex, Duo slipped into the darkened main tent. The large pavilion wouldn’t be taken down for another few days, until the circus picked up stakes and moved to yet another town. It always seemed so much larger when the crowds were gone, the litter swept up, all the performers sleeping in their trailers and bunks.

Duo smiled into the darkness, lifting his head to gaze upwards at the trapeze. The climb up the ladder was slow, each hand on each rung steady and unshaken. Duo’s breath came in even, calculated spurts, his eyes remaining fixed ahead, staring into another place. When at last he stood on the platform, below lay nothing but pitch black and the hollow echo of wind against the canvas walls.

For a long time he stared down into the shadows, his eyes adjusting to the dark of the tent yet still unable to see below. Idly he wondered if there were a net to catch him, playfully swinging his foot out over the edge of the platform. The flash of the pure white flesh of his ankle stopped the motion, and he sat down suddenly.

At the far edge of the tent he could just see a shadow merge with the other shadows, almost dismissing it as a play of light. The glimmer of something familiar however caught his attention. “Trowa?”

“Yes,’ the response came from somewhere below the platform.

Duo felt it shake as Trowa started to climb and bent over the edge, bracing his hands on the top of the ladder. “Is there a net down there?”

“No,”

“Oh,” Duo smiled out over the dark, “don’t bother coming up, I’m coming down.” Some fears he decided didn’t need to be faced all at once. “Let’s go back to bed.”


It was a year later, on a rainy night, the circus was loud, the smells of popcorn and caramel apples floating down a city street. In the tent, the roar of shouting and laughter from the crowd was a solid wall of sound, the smells suddenly and dizzyingly upon the senses.

Heero Yuy had led a miserable life – he glanced up, at the heights of the trapeze, the acrobats swinging from each other with swift and sure movements. Perhaps he’d join the circus.


-the end-