Beat The World
Beat The World
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Duo looked around and he could see
that everyone knew even if they didn’t say anything.
ni
nightmares. He could just tell by the
way they were now studying him but trying to pretend that nothing was out of
the ordinary. Nothing
out of the ordinary in how they now behaved around himhow how they now tried to
not bring up unpleasant things.
How stupid did they think he was?
Obviously pretty
stupid. Right now he hated
Heero. The bastard had had no right to
tell them anything. But still he had and
there wasn’t anything that Duo could do about it now.
Heero was out which Duo didn’t find surprising.
where he had been going.
Duo tried to tell himself that he
didn’t care but that wasn’t true. He
cared a little too much. Perhaps that
was his problem. He just didn’t know
what to think any longer because things were getting way beyond any normal
level of contemplation. Hell, things
were just screwed up in general.
Duo flopped down on his bed and
began taking a trip down memory lane and coming across things that he would
rather forget. He could feel the
stinging of on coming tears at his eyes and he squeezed them shut
forcefully. He was not crying!
There was nothing wrong.
take it any longer.
His
depression was getting worse. He could
see that. He wasn’t sure how much longer
he could hold off. He would never go on
medication for fear that he would become dependent on it.
taken by OZ and needed the medication it wasn’t like they were going to give
him any or let him keep what he had.
No, it
was simply better to suffer in silence no matter what he felt like now.
he would be fine. Sister Helen had
always told him that time took care of everything including pain.
right. It still hurt to think about her,
Father Maxwell and Solo. They were the
people he had cared about and they were gone forever.
Duo sat
up and pulled a chair over by the window.
He looked out into the rainy morning and stared at the raindrops as they
splattered against the glass. He began
counting them to take his mind off Death if only for a short time.
hundred he couldn’t take it any longer.
He
would have to be strong to pull out of this bout of depression.
that had come his way including Death and all the OZies.
There
was nothing he couldn’t lick, right? He
had always assured himself that was the case but he wasn’t so sure any
more. There were times when things were
just too dark and there was no lightness poking through to show him that there
was hope. Like now, there was no hope.
But had
there ever been hope? Or had he seen
something that wasn’t really there? A
trick of his mind that had shown him something that really didn’t exist.
always told him that he had an overactive imagination.
wasn’t real and for a people that would never appreciate their sacrifices.
They Living He took It was He He He The Blood He Duo “It “Duo,” “I “I What The war For a Numbness He The war And “Goodbye He took The He “It was He “And He “You He “And He “My
sure as hell didn’t appreciate them now.
He sighed a sigh that was far older than his
years. But then all the pilots had been
forced to grow up sooner than most. They
were fighting a war and killing people.
They were the reason why so many others lay dead among the stars and why
so many families were torn apart. They
hadn’t just killed soldiers too. Each
one of them had taken a fair number of civilian lives as well.
locked, the key is rusted in
on the streets of L2 had hardened him in a way that the others, Heero included,
could never be hardened. He was a sick
masochistic bastard. He had always known
that and he’d never seen fit to tell the others.
off his priest’s top and looked at the old scars there on his stomach.
seemed to have that trait when Duo had broken a leg and it had only taken him
two weeks to heal. But what G didn’t
know and what the others didn’t know couldn’t hurt them could it?
/p>
his policy. He never told anyone about
it and the only person who knew was dead and they would never be talking
again. Not to anyone who could do
anything about it.
picked up the old razor. It being the
oldest possession that he had aside from the cross Father Maxwell had given
him. The razor wasn’t his original one
though. It had been one Solo had given
him, the only other who had known his dirty little secret.
brought the razor up to an old scar and tore it open.
of breath suddenly but the pain made him feel better.
wasn’t deep, just deep enough. He let it
run before stopping it with his shirt.
bind you
sense to go and make the scar yourself
like the color red
looked at the bright red blood on his torso.
It reminded him of all the pain he had seen when he had been growing
up. All the moaning and screaming that
went on in the alleyways that everyone learned to ignore and those that
couldn’t deal with it didn’t last too long.
dried blood on his shirt was rusted in color and it brought back memories of
all the times that he had previously cut himself.
out some of the hurt and pain and all the other emotions that he was
feeling. It was an escape that he
couldn’t get away from and one that he didn’t know how to do without.
continued to work for him and all these years it had never failed him
once.
was death and he was death. Therefore it
was perfectly fitting for him to engage in such little activities as this.
seen what he was like beneath his mask but no one living had.
and it spoke volumes of the life that he had spilled whenever he got into the
cockpit of Deathscythe, at least it seemed that he was always killing and he
was damn good at it too.
liked to think that he brought a whole new face to death and all the blood that
was now floating around in space. He was
Shinigami and Shinigami’s sacrifices could only be made in blood, red, red blood.
looked into the mirror at himself and he knew what was really wrong.
and done any better than anyone else but his way of dealing with it, while
perhaps not normal, worked for him. He
was shrewd enough to see that and the ugly truth that was behind the pain that
he was enjoying so much now.
hurts,” Duo said his voice not its usual characteristic bounce or happiness
that was usually heard in the tone. “The
blood is my sacrifice and I’ll continue to make it until this war is over.”
Heero said quietly. “You aren’t the only
one sacrificing.”
know,” Duo shrugged and pulled on a clean shirt.
that really matters in the end. If you
tell anyone Yuy I swear you’ll regret it more than anything.”
won’t,” Heero said softly.
he’d told Heero, it wasn’t the whole truth.
But then was anything true anymore?
was going on around them and the bodies were piling up.
lay in the piles. But none of it
mattered any longer because there was a peace between two friends, an
understanding and they were dealing with their demons in their own ways,
confident that they would conquer all.
The bodies bled a deep, dark red and the count continued to rise.
while they did start to beat back the demons that haunted their footsteps and
followed them everywhere they went. But
things weren’t always as they seemed and Duo could feel on the edge of his
awareness that there was a problem. His
struggle to win was slowly eating him alive.
Everyday he lost more of who he was and every week he slipped farther
down into oblivion without even realizing it because he was numb.
was nice, very nice. He no longer felt
so much pain or regret at what he had done and been through but that
nu
numbness had another affect on him that he wasn’t aware of until it was too
late for him to try and fight back. His
demons were rising again and it didn’t look like they were going to be very
forgiving. In fact Duo could guarantee
that they wouldn’t be. But he just
couldn’t bring himself to care anymore.
looked down at his torso painted in silver white lines of old cuts and
wounds. He almost giggled at the thought
of all of them open again and crying for him.
was over now, and for a while Duo felt normal again.
Death. And then Dekim Barton came along
and Heero came for him. He went
willingly, knowing what would happen to him when it was all over but he didn’t
know how to get the stupid grin off his face anymore.
with super glue or something.
when the Gundams had won yet again he helped Quatre
to destroy them. They were in a time of
peace now, weren’t they?
old buddy,” Duo fondly stroked his black Gundam Deathscythe Hell.
a deep swig from the ever present flask that he carried around with him.
figure was wandering around on L2. The
street gangs gave him a wide berth, they knew he was crazy, knew even better
that he was dangerous. He smiled at
them, looked them in the eye and laughed at them.
figure moved like a cat. He crawled into
the condemned building that everyone stayed away from and went up to the room
that he had claimed for his own. He
stared at the many clippings he had pasted onto the walls.
clothes on his back and the bottles of booze in his room.
unscrewed a bottle of Jack Daniels and took a long swig like a dying man who
had found Nirvana. His eyes roved over
the wall that was plastered with pictures and articles of Quatre Winner.
fun pretending to be your brother,” The figure’s voice was rough from
disuse. “Even if you
were nothing but a lie and a hopeless dream.”
swallowed more of the booze, feeling it run through his system.
you Barton,” The figure smiled softly at another wall of pictures and
articles. “I can’t really blame
you. We were never that close were
we? But you at least weren’t a fraud.”
opened another full bottle and started drinking heavily from it.
the next wall. He turned and looked at
it for a few moments.
know Wu-chan,” The figure smirked.
you thanked me after we Dekim down for good.
But you lied and betrayed me again.
I should have known better than to trust you.”
finished off the bottle and part of another one before he could even think
about facing the last wall. That one was
going to be the hardest one to face. But
eventually he did turn to it and looked for a long time.
you Heero,” His face was blank, his grin gone.
“I thought we were at least friends you asshole.
known that you were going to run off to her again.
pulled out the handgun and looked at it with a broken smile.
only reliable friend,” He cooed at it, the last words he ever said.