Fullmetal Bebop
folder
Fullmetal Alchemist › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
4
Views:
1,032
Reviews:
8
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Fullmetal Alchemist › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
4
Views:
1,032
Reviews:
8
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Full Metal Alchemist, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
The 3.5 Billion Woolong Bounty
Disclaimer: I don’t own FMA and I don\'t own Cowboy Bebop. I’m surprised no one had done this before. This is set in CB’s time frame, with yaoi and M/F pairings. Don’t like? Don’t let the door hit your crack on the way out. :D
“Hey! Give that back!” Ed’s girlish voice could be heard miles away outside of the Bebop. Her long arms were flailing in the air and long legs running fast to catch up with Faye, who had just stolen her carefully wrapped and carefully stolen bacon-bacon cheeseburger. “It took me almost three hours to steal that,” Ed whined miserably, beating on the bathroom door in which Faye was sequestered.
“Faye-Faye is a bitch-bitch, no?” Ed looked up teary eyed to see Spike standing over her with a smug smile. Ed looked curiously at Spike’s hand, noticing the red fingertips. Just then, the bathroom door swung open, mashing Ed. Faye walked right up to Spike and socked him in the stomach. “WHERE THE HELL IS THE SANDWICH?!!” she screamed, jumping up and down making her massive breasts jiggle. She threw the rock that Spike had carefully placed in the wrapper in substitution of the actual sandwich. Ein ran away just before the rock hit the spot he had been sitting.
Spike opened his mouth to reply but a loud smelly burp came out. “Ohhh...I’ll be tasting that one for weeks,” he said, smacking his lips. He looked down to see Ed and Ein both licking the ketchup off of his fingers. He shrugged and allowed them to lick until Ed’s hunger overpowered her and she accidentally bit Spike’s finger.
“Ok everyone, dinner is served,” Jet called from the kitchen. Faye snorted. “I thought we didn’t have any food. What are you serving, air?” Jet glared at her. “If you weren’t such a crack whore, you’d know that I managed to catch a $15,000 bounty last night, enough to buy your sorry asses a smidge of food.”
Faye knocked Ed and Ein over to race to the kitchen. “Give me Spike’s share, he ate a burger,” she accused, pointing at him when he walked into the den. Spike shot her a nasty look. “Give me Spike’s share, be bate ba boober,” he mimicked in a high pitched voice, sticking his tongue out.
“Food around the corner, food around the corner, yes food around the corner for me, Hallelujah brother, food around the corner, food around the corner, food around the corner for meeeeeeeeeeeee,” Ed sang happily as Ein barked and ran around her in a circle.
All of them gathered around the pot and looked inside. It was a stew of some sorts; carrots, potatoes, parsley, tomatoes, corn, and mushrooms could be made out as well as pork, chicken, and beef. “Order up,” Jet grunted as he ladled out bowls and passed them around. Faye drank her stew quickly, despite it being hot and reached for another bowl. “Stop being greedy!” Jet barked, holding his spoon at her as if it were a knife. “This has to stretch because we don’t know when another bounty is coming in!” Faye whined. “But I’m so hungry!!!” Jet rolled his eyes. “A motherfucking crack whore is what you are, Faye. Touch that pot and the only thing you’ll be taking up the ass is a catheter.”
“Crack whore! Crack whore! Faye-Faye is a crack whore!” Ed teased, happy to be eating again. Faye turned red and threw her spoon down. “I AM NOT ON CRACK!” she screamed, making everyone cover their ears. “So does that just make you a regular whore then?” Spike asked with his trademark eat-shit-and-die grin. Faye began to advance upon Spike, death on her mind when the Tomato began to vibrate and play Pachbel Canon.
“Oooh oooh message in a bottle!” Ed cried out, running over to her Tomato. Opening it up, a man with green hair, glasses, and a goatee was found on the screen smiling. “Hey little girl! Is Amer Hommerschmidt there?” Ed scratched her chin. “I don’t know, let me check.” She ran off, looking in boxes and out the window for the Hommerschmidt. Faye angrily stomped over to the Tomato. “No there’s no goddamned Englehemiershmidt here. So fuck off!” she yelled, preparing to close the Tomato. “Not so fast,” Spike muttered, pushing her away. Spike opened the half-closed Tomato and smiled.
“Long time no see, Spike.”
“Long time no see, Maes.”
********************
“Isn’t she just darling?” Maes gushed, holding about seventeen pictures of Elysia up to the screen. Spike chuckled and agreed. “She got the genes from our side. Not to say that Gracia is ugly or anything,” he said, casting a wicked grin to the screen. Maes frowned for a moment. “Hell no she’s not ugly. Especially since you tried numerous times to sleep with her.” Spike shrugged and scratched his neck. “You’re lucky we’re cousins. Anyone else who would have tried that would have pieces scattered from Mars to Ganymede.” Maes’s face turned serious and he stared at his own screen into Spike’s eyes.
“I’m going to ask you two questions, only once for each.” Spike heard a heavy sigh. “Are you still consorting at all with the Red Dragons and...did you kill the Kozoku clan?”
“No.”
“For which question?”
“Both you turd.” Spike spied Faye sneaking toward the stew pot and fired a warning shot in the air.
“What was that noise?”
Spike chuckled. “That was the sound of a crack whore being shot at.”
Maes laughed at the faint voice that declared she was neither on crack or a whore. He cleaned his glasses thoroughly and then gave Spike a sad look. “Normally, I only contact you to give tips on bounties. There’s a three and a half billion woolong bounty on the heads of those accused of killing the Kozoku clan.”
Spike instantly got hard at the mention of THREE BILLION WOOLONG. “Give me all the info you have. We’ll catch the bastards and cash in. Hell, I’ll even break bread with you as a way of showing appreciation for the tip.” Maes fidgeted and looked around. “That’s the thing Spike...the bounty is on the crew of the Bebop, wanted dead or alive.” Spike never gained or lost wood so fast as he did at that moment.
Ed screamed and ran fast to catch her Tomato, which was now sailing through the air. She caught it and opened it to see Maes chuckling uncomfortably and scratching his neck. “You look like Spike-person. Are you Spike-person’s broham?” Maes smiled at the gangly girl. “No, we\'re cousins. You look like someone I know too. His name is Ed.” Ed yelled and hit herself in the head. “I am Ed. I AM ED. I AM ED.” She repeated in a robotic voice. She placed the Tomato back in front of the now pale Spike on the table and walked around saying “I AM ED” and making robotic gestures. Ein followed her.
Maes looked confused but shook himself out of it. “Anyways, I contacted you because the Amestrian army was assigned to this case. If we succeed in bringing in the killers, all involved will immediately be promoted two ranks.” Spike nodded numbly, still not believing that the largest bounty in his entire life was placed on his own fucking head. And the worst part was he was innocent!
“I’m part of the recovery team. Major Edward Elrich, his brother Alphonse, Major Alex Armstrong, Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye, and Colonel Roy Mustang will accompany me. Or we will accompany him.”
Spike swallowed. “Edward Elrich...isn’t he that Fullblown Alchemist kid?” Maes laughed. “Fullmetal, and yes, he’s the best we got. But after we apprehend you-”
“APPREHEND?!! BUT WE DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!” Spike yelled and buried his head in the yellow couch. He sighed, wondering if it was the bacon cheeseburger or the bounty on his head that was making him ill.
“Shut up and listen,” was the reply from the Tomato. “We will intercept the Bebop in less than seven hours. Please, don’t try to run. After you are in our custody, I’ll explain to Roy your innocence. He’s my best friend besides you; he’ll listen.”
“And if not?” Spike mumbled from behind the pillow.
Silence.
Spike sighed again. “I’ll brief my crew on what’s going on. I guess I’ll see you in seven hours Maes-chan.”
Maes nodded and touched the screen. “Seven hours it is, Spike-chan.” the Tomato went blank and Spike sighed. This was going to be a long seven hour wait. “Hey Faye, Jet! Get your asses in here, we need to have a long talk.”
>Kozoku means royalty, they have to be to have a 3.5bil. woolong reward for their murder huh?
>Ed\'s Tomato is her lap top.
>I made Spike and Maes related because of the green hair connection. Wasn\'t that observant of me?^-^ More will come later, this is just the pilot episode.
“Hey! Give that back!” Ed’s girlish voice could be heard miles away outside of the Bebop. Her long arms were flailing in the air and long legs running fast to catch up with Faye, who had just stolen her carefully wrapped and carefully stolen bacon-bacon cheeseburger. “It took me almost three hours to steal that,” Ed whined miserably, beating on the bathroom door in which Faye was sequestered.
“Faye-Faye is a bitch-bitch, no?” Ed looked up teary eyed to see Spike standing over her with a smug smile. Ed looked curiously at Spike’s hand, noticing the red fingertips. Just then, the bathroom door swung open, mashing Ed. Faye walked right up to Spike and socked him in the stomach. “WHERE THE HELL IS THE SANDWICH?!!” she screamed, jumping up and down making her massive breasts jiggle. She threw the rock that Spike had carefully placed in the wrapper in substitution of the actual sandwich. Ein ran away just before the rock hit the spot he had been sitting.
Spike opened his mouth to reply but a loud smelly burp came out. “Ohhh...I’ll be tasting that one for weeks,” he said, smacking his lips. He looked down to see Ed and Ein both licking the ketchup off of his fingers. He shrugged and allowed them to lick until Ed’s hunger overpowered her and she accidentally bit Spike’s finger.
“Ok everyone, dinner is served,” Jet called from the kitchen. Faye snorted. “I thought we didn’t have any food. What are you serving, air?” Jet glared at her. “If you weren’t such a crack whore, you’d know that I managed to catch a $15,000 bounty last night, enough to buy your sorry asses a smidge of food.”
Faye knocked Ed and Ein over to race to the kitchen. “Give me Spike’s share, he ate a burger,” she accused, pointing at him when he walked into the den. Spike shot her a nasty look. “Give me Spike’s share, be bate ba boober,” he mimicked in a high pitched voice, sticking his tongue out.
“Food around the corner, food around the corner, yes food around the corner for me, Hallelujah brother, food around the corner, food around the corner, food around the corner for meeeeeeeeeeeee,” Ed sang happily as Ein barked and ran around her in a circle.
All of them gathered around the pot and looked inside. It was a stew of some sorts; carrots, potatoes, parsley, tomatoes, corn, and mushrooms could be made out as well as pork, chicken, and beef. “Order up,” Jet grunted as he ladled out bowls and passed them around. Faye drank her stew quickly, despite it being hot and reached for another bowl. “Stop being greedy!” Jet barked, holding his spoon at her as if it were a knife. “This has to stretch because we don’t know when another bounty is coming in!” Faye whined. “But I’m so hungry!!!” Jet rolled his eyes. “A motherfucking crack whore is what you are, Faye. Touch that pot and the only thing you’ll be taking up the ass is a catheter.”
“Crack whore! Crack whore! Faye-Faye is a crack whore!” Ed teased, happy to be eating again. Faye turned red and threw her spoon down. “I AM NOT ON CRACK!” she screamed, making everyone cover their ears. “So does that just make you a regular whore then?” Spike asked with his trademark eat-shit-and-die grin. Faye began to advance upon Spike, death on her mind when the Tomato began to vibrate and play Pachbel Canon.
“Oooh oooh message in a bottle!” Ed cried out, running over to her Tomato. Opening it up, a man with green hair, glasses, and a goatee was found on the screen smiling. “Hey little girl! Is Amer Hommerschmidt there?” Ed scratched her chin. “I don’t know, let me check.” She ran off, looking in boxes and out the window for the Hommerschmidt. Faye angrily stomped over to the Tomato. “No there’s no goddamned Englehemiershmidt here. So fuck off!” she yelled, preparing to close the Tomato. “Not so fast,” Spike muttered, pushing her away. Spike opened the half-closed Tomato and smiled.
“Long time no see, Spike.”
“Long time no see, Maes.”
********************
“Isn’t she just darling?” Maes gushed, holding about seventeen pictures of Elysia up to the screen. Spike chuckled and agreed. “She got the genes from our side. Not to say that Gracia is ugly or anything,” he said, casting a wicked grin to the screen. Maes frowned for a moment. “Hell no she’s not ugly. Especially since you tried numerous times to sleep with her.” Spike shrugged and scratched his neck. “You’re lucky we’re cousins. Anyone else who would have tried that would have pieces scattered from Mars to Ganymede.” Maes’s face turned serious and he stared at his own screen into Spike’s eyes.
“I’m going to ask you two questions, only once for each.” Spike heard a heavy sigh. “Are you still consorting at all with the Red Dragons and...did you kill the Kozoku clan?”
“No.”
“For which question?”
“Both you turd.” Spike spied Faye sneaking toward the stew pot and fired a warning shot in the air.
“What was that noise?”
Spike chuckled. “That was the sound of a crack whore being shot at.”
Maes laughed at the faint voice that declared she was neither on crack or a whore. He cleaned his glasses thoroughly and then gave Spike a sad look. “Normally, I only contact you to give tips on bounties. There’s a three and a half billion woolong bounty on the heads of those accused of killing the Kozoku clan.”
Spike instantly got hard at the mention of THREE BILLION WOOLONG. “Give me all the info you have. We’ll catch the bastards and cash in. Hell, I’ll even break bread with you as a way of showing appreciation for the tip.” Maes fidgeted and looked around. “That’s the thing Spike...the bounty is on the crew of the Bebop, wanted dead or alive.” Spike never gained or lost wood so fast as he did at that moment.
Ed screamed and ran fast to catch her Tomato, which was now sailing through the air. She caught it and opened it to see Maes chuckling uncomfortably and scratching his neck. “You look like Spike-person. Are you Spike-person’s broham?” Maes smiled at the gangly girl. “No, we\'re cousins. You look like someone I know too. His name is Ed.” Ed yelled and hit herself in the head. “I am Ed. I AM ED. I AM ED.” She repeated in a robotic voice. She placed the Tomato back in front of the now pale Spike on the table and walked around saying “I AM ED” and making robotic gestures. Ein followed her.
Maes looked confused but shook himself out of it. “Anyways, I contacted you because the Amestrian army was assigned to this case. If we succeed in bringing in the killers, all involved will immediately be promoted two ranks.” Spike nodded numbly, still not believing that the largest bounty in his entire life was placed on his own fucking head. And the worst part was he was innocent!
“I’m part of the recovery team. Major Edward Elrich, his brother Alphonse, Major Alex Armstrong, Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye, and Colonel Roy Mustang will accompany me. Or we will accompany him.”
Spike swallowed. “Edward Elrich...isn’t he that Fullblown Alchemist kid?” Maes laughed. “Fullmetal, and yes, he’s the best we got. But after we apprehend you-”
“APPREHEND?!! BUT WE DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!” Spike yelled and buried his head in the yellow couch. He sighed, wondering if it was the bacon cheeseburger or the bounty on his head that was making him ill.
“Shut up and listen,” was the reply from the Tomato. “We will intercept the Bebop in less than seven hours. Please, don’t try to run. After you are in our custody, I’ll explain to Roy your innocence. He’s my best friend besides you; he’ll listen.”
“And if not?” Spike mumbled from behind the pillow.
Silence.
Spike sighed again. “I’ll brief my crew on what’s going on. I guess I’ll see you in seven hours Maes-chan.”
Maes nodded and touched the screen. “Seven hours it is, Spike-chan.” the Tomato went blank and Spike sighed. This was going to be a long seven hour wait. “Hey Faye, Jet! Get your asses in here, we need to have a long talk.”
>Kozoku means royalty, they have to be to have a 3.5bil. woolong reward for their murder huh?
>Ed\'s Tomato is her lap top.
>I made Spike and Maes related because of the green hair connection. Wasn\'t that observant of me?^-^ More will come later, this is just the pilot episode.