Love-Hate Relationship

Gundam SEED is of course, not copyright to me. I know that this is a little off from the atual timeline, but I do try to stay as close as I can to both characters and the flow of the actual anime)

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PLANT. The hourglasses that hang suspended in space like crystalline guardians. PLANT. The word that inspires such terror in those Naturals of Earth. The domain of the ‘evil coordinator’. PLANT. My home.

Drifting back towards it’s comforting embrace I set Aegis to autopilot and leaned back against the seat, closing my eyes. The adrenaline of the last battle with the Archangel had left, leaving me behind, tired and trembling. Taking a deep breath I opened my eyes again, steeling myself as the Gundam prepared to dock with PLANT. I was the leader of this squad, I was the president’s son, I was a Gundam pilot. I could not show my weakness to the hundreds, no, thousands of eyes that always watched my every move. They must not see me falter.

I resumed control of the machine for the final docking, gently guiding it into one of the bays that had been specially designed for the Gs before we had captured them. Automated mechanical arms extended from the bay’s framework and locked into place against the Gundam’s limbs. I barely paid any attention as my fingers danced through the now familiar routine of shutting down the Gundam’s many running processes. A deep rooted exhaustion was slowly claiming the thinking part of my mind. Into that emptiness stole a frantic voice, desperate violet eyes. I shook my head violently, clearing the memories.

The hatch shifted open with a hydraulic whir, and I pushed off from the seat, floating down to the decking of the ship bay. As the rest of my team finished their docking processes and began to exit their mobile suits I started walking toward the door, wanting nothing more than the safety and privacy of my own rooms.

“Athrun!” I stopped as Nicole called my name and I turned, a smile I didn’t feel on my face. He trotted up to me, concern in his brown eyes.

“Are you alright?” He rested a tentative hand on my arm.

I nodded, glancing past him to where Yzak and Deakka were laughing at some comment only known to them. They brushed past us, ignoring our presence though I briefly caught cold blue eyes meeting mine before Yzak looked away and moved on.

“I’m fine, Nicol.” I reassured the younger boy with a tired smile. “I just need rest.”

He nodded, though he didn’t look convinced. With a small salute and wave, he hurried on down the corridor after the other boys, no doubt hoping to catch up and lure Deakka away.

Reaching my room, I waited for the door to slide closed before slumping back against it, my knees almost giving out under me. His voice echoed over and over, leaving a permanent imprint in my mind.

[i]You said you hated war!![/i]

Trying to shake his words from my mind, I moved into my room feeling as though I was on autopilot myself. I felt numb as I moved into the bathroom, shrugging out of my pilot’s suit and dropping it on my chair as I went by. The rest of my clothes followed, tossed haphazardly at a basket in the corner. Standing in the shower I turned the water on as hot as I could bear it, closing my eyes and turning my face upwards. The hot water ran down my body, burning out the tension from my muscles. Steam rose around me, concealing me from the real world that I wanted so very badly to escape. As the tightness in my body was washed away an almost uncontrollable trembling assailed me. I couldn’t seem to drive his violet eyes from my mind where they stared, pleading with me. They haunted me. I balled my fists, slamming one hand against the tiles of the shower wall, frustrated.

It wasn’t fair! I hadn’t asked for this! It wasn’t my fault we were enemies now. He had chosen to fight for Earth, just as I had chosen PLANT. It was too late to turn back time.

“Damn you Kira…” I cursed into the steam, the stress of the last few weeks making me feel pulled in two. Memories from our childhood flew across the surface of my mind and I felt tears slowly join the water that traced down my skin. Shaking uncontrollably, I slid down the wall, sitting on the tiles and wrapping trembling arms around my knees. I hated his weakness, this indecision… this despair.

I watched the hot water spiral down the drain in the shower center, still raining down around me, trailing off skin and hair alike. I don’t know how long I sat there, tucking my head onto my knees, crying for a past I wanted to recover. Brown hair, violet eyes, warm hands and cheerful smiles. Childhood memories of laughing and playing together, spending days in the sunlight and nights giggling over whatever new things had caught our childish interest. The tears threatened to drown me.

When the shower went abruptly from hot to icy cold I gasped, water droplet sized needles flaying my skin before the flow was suddenly cut off. Goosebumps rose immediately on my arms and I looked up, furious. I barely got a glimpse of his smirk before a towel was dropped over my heard, obscuring my vision. Shivering I tried to stay angry, but felt my cheeks flush in embarrassment. This was not how I wanted to be seen. Not like this, confused and out of control… especially by him.
‘What the hell are you doing in here?” I snapped at him, self consciously trying to hide under the towel. He didn’t answer, just looked down at me, disgust in his blue eyes.

“Pathetic, Zala.” He said finally, scornfully. “This is why Cruz-Taicho shouldn’t have ever made you the squad leader.”

“Dammit, Yzak!” Lunging to my feet, I glared at him, anger giving me strength. Usually I could hold my temper around him but he had caught me off guard. His eyes were cold as they met mine, and they raked over me lazily, bringing a flush of embarrassment to my skin. I hated him. Hated how easily he made me feel insufficient.

His eyes when they met mine again, held their own anger. “This is pathetic, Athrun! Why can’t you just forget it? That bastard from Earth would kill us… He TRIED to kill me! How can you fucking forget that?”

The tile of the shower going cold under my feet, I snapped back at him, out of the patience I needed to deal with him rationally. “It’s none of your business, Jule!” My voice was low with anger, and my fists balled as I hissed at him. “Get the hell out of my room.” The tears were threatening to return, and that was the last thing I wanted him to see. How could I admit to him that I wished more than anything that I COULD just forget Kira, that I could fight him as easily as Yzak seemed to be able to. As I struggled with my own emotions, he took advantage of my hesitation and stepping closer, picked me up.

I struggled as he lifted me, furious at him for ignoring me.

“Damn you, Yzak! Let me go!” I didn’t really have the energy to get away, and he seemed to know that. As he carried me into my bedroom I gave up, collapsing against the rough fabric of his uniform. Maybe, just for a moment, I could allow his strength to fill in for my weaknesses. He looked down at me, an exasperated expression on his beautiful face. I returned the look with a glare, trying to express how much I wanted to be left alone, but inside, I knew I wanted him to stay. I don’t know when Yzak and I began to need each other so much, Maybe it began years ago. It seems as though what ever aspects the one of us lacks, the other one has to fill in the gaps. When he rages, I am calm. But when I am weak, he pushes me to accomplish what must be done.

I could still feel the tears that threatened to overwhelm me, the pleading eyes and desperate words cutting to my core. Had I betrayed him? No, I had to believe that he had done the betraying. He was a coordinator! He should be with me, here!

“Athrun…” Yzak’s voice was rough. “Forget him!” I looked up at him, beginning to shake again. He always seemed to be able to know what I was thinking… as though all I thought was displayed on my face like a book for him to read. Again, something else I hated him for. I resumed my struggling, and exasperated, he tossed me to the bed in my room, the towel that was my only protection staying in his hands. I flushed brightly, heat rising to my cheeks, though I refused to give him the pleasure of scrambling to cover myself. His icy blue eyes raked over my body, and I found myself wishing I could see as much of him.

He smirked at me. “Perfect Athrun… The perfect soldier, the commander’s favorite…” He leaned down and I stiffened, denying him the pleasure of my drawing away from him. “At least I know in bed you will always submit to me.” He reached out and a hand brushed against the side of my face, fingers softer that one would expect from a man like Yzak. Even as I felt my heart speed up, I pushed him away, frustrated.

“Not now, Yzak!” I snapped, looking away. “I’m… not in the mood.”

For a moment I though maybe he might actually leave, but then his hand grabbed my chin roughly and he trapped my lips with a kiss. I began to open my mouth to protest and he took the opportunity to enter my mouth, tongue exploring almost gently, meeting mine. I tried to struggle against him, tried to pull away, but his free hand moved faster than I had the wits to escape. Catching my hands, he held my wrists and pulled them over my head, pushing me back and kneeling above me, pressing me against the mattress with his kiss.

I felt my desire to resist him fading away, and I began to return the kiss, the familiar taste of his lips filling my mouth, melting my resistance. Heat danced across my skin where he touched me and I gasped for air when he finally drew back from the kiss, though he still held me pinned.

“You’re mine Zala.” He said fiercely. “Not anyone else’s, especially that Earth Bastard!” Jealousy flashed though his eyes and I stared at him, shocked. He actually thought…

“Yzak, no!” I shook my head violently. “He’s not… He’s never been…”

“Shut up Athrun!” He almost yelled. “He’s your enemy! You shouldn’t have to hesitate when you fight him! You shouldn’t beat yourself up over him! He’s the fucking enemy!” He glared at me, eyes full of anger and frustration. His hand tightened on my wrist, almost hurting me. I stared at him, dazed. I wasn’t sure what to say, what to do.

“Yzak…” I whispered, at a loss for words.

“You’re fucking pathetic, Athrun.” He said, eyes dark. “You shouldn’t turn your back on us… On me!”

I didn’t know how to respond. For a moment I just lay there, beneath him, frozen. The raw emotion in his eyes held me trapped. I wanted more than anything to soothe him. To taste his kiss again and prove myself to him. I tried to move up to him, but his grip on my wrists kept me trapped. I glared at him, frustrated, then before he could react I lifted my legs, wrapping them around his waist and catching him off guard, I pulled him against me, pressing my lips to his. He tensed in surprise, then laughed slightly, relaxing.

“Ah, Athrun…” he whispered against my mouth. “Still trying to be the one in control?” I ignored his words, using the opportunity to return his earlier favor, slipping my tongue into his soft mouth, moaning against him as I felt both of us responding to the contact. He freed one hand and tangled it briefly in my hair, then slid it down along my neck and across my chest. I arched under him as his fingers traced circles around one sensitive nipple, then pinched it gently. I cried out softly, pleasure twisting through my body. This was our ritual, I fought, he won… I gave in. I allowed him command of this battle ground of ours. I let go of my pride and allowed him to command me.

He drew back from the kiss, releasing my wrists to run his other hand down my side, nails raking my skin and drawing faint red lines on my skin. Hands freed, I reached to the front of his uniform and began pulling at the buckles that held it to him, desperate to get to the skin beneath. I heard him laugh slightly, and he pushed my seeking hands away, shifting off of me and standing.

I tried to clear my head, all the heat in my body rushing to my groin as Yzak began to pull off his uniform, a rather evil grin quirking at his lips. Slowly he pulled off his pants, making a show of it. Heat rose in my cheeks, and he laughed, enjoying my reactions.

“Do you want me, Athrun?” He purred, pulling off the last of his clothes and leaning over me. I smiled slightly. Tradition must be kept.

“Like hell.” I retorted. “Who’d want you, mother’s boy.”

He snorted. “I didn’t say you got a choice.” He settled down, a knee on either side of my hips. I tried to keep my eyes on his face, but I couldn’t seem to. Silver hair that I knew from experience felt like silk and smelled like spices. Perfect pale skin that held no blemishes. My eyes trailed down his chest and over his stomach, the perfectly toned muscles from years of piloting firm as I reached out and trailed my fingers across his abdomen. Eyes returning to his, I held his gaze. My fingers moved lower, brushing against soft fur before he caught my hands with a reproving noise.

“Now now, Athrun.” He grinned at me. “remember your place.” He leaned his head down and kissed the side of my neck, softly brushing my hair away. I tilted my head to the side, allowing him better access and he bit the skin softly, drawing a gasp from my throat. Releasing my skin, his tongue trailed down the line of my neck and across my collarbone, dipping into the depression there, and sucking lightly at the skin. My eyes drifted closed and my breathing came faster, the arousal I was feeling only intensified by the growing hardness I felt between my legs.

I gasped as his mouth suddenly found one sensitive nipple, sucking and biting at the hardened skin as my back arched beneath him, my fingers twisting into the sheets of my bed. He sucked harder, hands dragging down my sides and across my hips, thumbs pressing into the depressions along my hipbones and causing waves of pleasure to flood through me. I whimpered under him and he slowly moved his head, mouth lowering on the other side of my chest to administer the same treatment.

I moaned, one hand moving up to tangle in his soft white hair, pulling him down onto me harder. “Ah…. Yzak…” I whispered, lust making my voice rough. He groaned slightly, and I knew that he wanted me as badly as I wanted him. He slid his tongue back up my chest and suckled at the side of my neck again, one hand moving between us, resting gently on my arousal. I gasped as I felt his fingers touch me, and I threw my head back, wanting more, wanting his touch all over me, inside me. He smiled predatorily and his hand tightened, fingers kneading my hardened flesh. I whimpered, the sensations flooding my groin slowly drawing away my reason. A soft finger traced across my tip, caressing and massaging. I struggled to keep my hips from bucking up, wanting more of those hot hands on me. I heard him laugh and then his hands were gone, leaving me gasping.

My eyes flew open, desperate to have him back on me. He smiled and sat up, leaning back against the pillows on my bed, legs spread invitingly before me. “You want me, Athrun?” He whispered, voice rough with lust. One of his hands touched himself gently, seductively. I froze, eyes trapped by the slow motions his hand made, circling his own erection much as he had recently touched mine. He bit his lip slightly, but his eyes never left my face, daring me.

With a soft moan I moved towards him, pushing his hands away and leaning against his chest, my mouth and tongue devouring the sweet skin there, damp with sweat. As I kissed his chest and across his collarbone he caught my hands, rendering me incapable of lifting myself off of him at all. He held them over my head, limiting my actions to those that I could perform with my mouth. Willing, I nuzzled his neck, then worked my head down, trying to collect the spicy flavor of him, tongue lapping against his skin, mouth finding one of the hard nubs of flesh that stood out on his pale chest. He gasped softly as I bit him, and settled back further into the pillows, closing his eyes, even as he kept my hands firmly in his own.

Gently I ran my tongue around his nipple, caressing the soft skin in small circles. Fastening my teeth onto his skin I sucked, enjoying the soft sounds that he made as I worked, my own body responding to the noise. Releasing his skin I moved my head downwards, making a wet trail across his chest and stomach as I kissed him. I enjoyed the feeling of his defined stomach under my mouth.

Nuzzling into the soft down that grew between his legs I felt him shift, hips rising slightly, encouraging me. Hands still trapped against his chest, my arms were raised over my head as I tipped my chin down and kissed his erection softly. He moaned and I let my tongue wonder up the shaft and across the tip, the taste of him heating all my senses. His skin was soft and hard together, like velvet over steel. He was hot, and moisture gathered at the point of his erection, throbbing softly in his desire for me. With a soft moan I lowered my mouth over the head of his arousal, enjoying the way it filled my mouth with a hot sweetness. He bucked softly as I took him in my mouth, a stifled cry coming from his lips. Heat flooding through my entire body I pulled back, running my mouth down the underside of his shaft, licking at the soft sacs below. He whimpered then and I felt myself throbbing with mirrored desire. Moving back up I took him into my mouth again, this time taking as much as him as I could into my throat, desiring the taste of him more than anything.

“Aahhhh… Athrun!” The sound of my name gasped in a rough voice pierced through me, and I lifted my head, looking up at him hazily, his warmth still a ghost presence in my mouth.

He looked down and crystal eyes met mine, the same haze of desire that I felt reflected in them. For a moment we lay trapped in each other’s gaze, mutual heat blazing though our veins. Then I whispered to him. “I want you…”

His eyes flashed with sheer hunger, and before I could even think, he had twisted my arms, pushing me to the mattress beside where he had been laying, now crouching above me. My hands were still pinned by his, now on either side of my head, and his knees rested against my hips. Smiling slightly, I closed my eyes and arched my body up towards him, trusting him with my sanity in that moment.

I felt as he released me, freeing his own hands, and one came to rest beside my shoulder, holding him up. The other gently slid up to my knee and back down the inside of my thigh, sending shivers through my body. Lust hidden by a thin gentleness he pushed my legs apart further and I drew up my knees to grant him easier access. His hand traced softly across my hot erection and I whimpered then, giving over to him fully. My hips arched up as he ran a finger down between my legs and circled my opening, slowly pushing his finger inside me. I shuddered, the sensation of the intrusion both wonderful and terrible at the same time. I could remember the first time I had felt this, a bit less willingly. How much it had frightened me then. Now I loved him for it.

My head tilted against the pillows as my breath came faster, each stroke of his finger inside me sending waves through my body as skin dragged along sensitive skin within my body. Pulling back he added another, stretching me as he pushed them inside me hard, taking me off guard. I cried out, his fast movement striking the spot inside me that caused lights to dance before my eyes. I think I gasped his name then, begging him to work faster, to take me.

“yesss…” he hissed, a possessive light in his eyes. “beg me, Zala –Taicho.” I whimpered in response, not capable of much coherency. He withdrew, leaving me empty and cold for a moment. That moment felt like eternity as my body ached for him, the lack of sensation almost painful.

“Please!” I cried out then, willing to beg as he asked, anything to feel his heat within me. Tears almost rose in my eyes, desperation and need crashing through me. With an amazingly gentle touch he reached up and long fingers brushed the moisture from my lashes.

Eyes still closed I felt the hot head of his erection touch my opening and I whimpered, spreading my legs even further, begging him silently.

“I love you…” I almost thought I heard him whisper, and as my eyes flew open in shock he drove into me, tearing a scream from my throat. Pain and blinding pleasure stabbed through me as his hard shaft stimulated my whole being. His words, if indeed he had even spoken, were swept away as I bucked beneath him, lifting my hips as best I could to help him drive deeper inside me. His own hips bucking forward again he paused as his erection drove into me to the hilt. I gasped, trembling at the flood that I was swept up into. Resting inside me, he shook with the effort it took not to move, and I moaned his name. I could feel every inch of him pressing against me, head resting hard against my prostrate, each throb of his arousal bringing new waves of sensation crashing down around me.

My hands reached up and dug into his shoulders, and my legs raised and wrapped around his waist, trying to shift him even deeper if that was possible. He moaned then, and his hips bucked against my thighs as he began to lose any measure of control he still had over himself. Pain mixed within me at each thrust, but as the liquid weeping from his hard shaft began to lubricate my passage the pain faded into sheer erotic pleasure. His rhythm was hard, and each thrust stabbed deep with me, threatening to tear me apart with force. I don’t know when I started screaming his name, incoherent sound driven from me with each pounding thrust, my own hips bucking up against his with each movement of our rhythm, trying to help him force his way all the way through me.

Over and over he drove against my pleasure point, and I could feel my world spinning rapidly around me, driving me to the edge. With a last cry My body stiffened, and stars flashed before my eyes, followed by white light and the distant warmth of my seed spread between our bodies.

His cry followed mine, and I felt his last thrust release wet heat deep inside my body, flooding me with fire. His weight pinned me as he fell across my chest, silver strands of hair wet with sweat as they spread across my neck. Summoning up the ability to move, I wrapped my arms across his back, breathing heavily. The scent of our sex filled the air around us, and I could still feel him, pleasantly large but soft, resting inside me, spent. Closing my eyes, I tried to catch my breath, his chest moving rapidly against mine. Was this need? Was this competition? I knew that once again I would fight him the next time he came to me, and once again I would give in. that was my role in this war of ours. Breathing slowing, I ran a hand tiredly through his hair, trying to remember why I had been so angry at him.

“I love you too, Yzak” I breathed softly.

A rough voice muttered from against my chest where I could feel his breath on my skin. “I hate you, Athrun.” He said breathlessly. I smiled, and resumed my petting of his soft hair. Once again… he completed me.

((Please please review! I would love comments and suggestions.))