Dirty Kitchen P0rn

Note: Fullmetal Alchemist does not belong to me.

Thirty minutes had passed since Edward Elric had entered the kitchen with the completely innocent intention of baking Riza Hawkeye a birthday cake. The whole crew were planning on throwing a surprise party at the office for her tomorrow and it had been his responsibility to provide the birthday cake. He had been planning on stopping by a bakery to pick one up after finishing some research but, as always, he lost track of time so every store had long since closed, leaving him with no choice but to bake one from scratch.

Ten minutes had passed since Roy Mustang had entered the kitchen with the completely non-innocent intention of molesting Edward.

He had managed to get most of the ingredients properly mixed into a large bowl (no one would notice that egg shell) before Roy tired of waiting and pounced on the cute teen, knocking the wind out of his young love when he was slammed against the counter and dragged roughly to the floor as they slipped on some stray butter.

Once on the ground, Edward did put up his normal fight. Punching and typical verbal abuse were normal in this 'relationship,' though the threat of castration with a wooden mixing spoon was new.

Roy didn't feel bad because they both knew the hissy-fit meant, “Oh, fuck yes!”

It didn't take long to strip Edward of his tight leather pants and Roy was pleased that the process left less bruises than normal.

Reaching up onto the counter he snagged a large bottle of cooking oil - thankfully left out in reach- and followed Edward gaze to the silver wear drawer at the far end of the counter where the knives were located - thankfully left out of reach.

Edward could, and would, be viciously if given the chance. Out of spite if nothing else.

Moving slightly, Roy was able to pin the smaller body down while he unscrewed the bottled and pour a decent amount of oil into his hand. Most of the oil landed on the floor due to Ed' squirming but he still managed to slid his slippery hand down between their bodies. He pump the boy's cock a few times before continuing lower, circling his entrance with a lubed finger before pushing it past the tight ring of muscles. A second then third soon followed, and Edward welcomed the intrusion with a disapproving grunt.

By the time Roy had finished stretching him, Edward accepted his fate with a sigh and stopped fighting.

Now that Ed was past his 'I'm going to castrate you with a wooden spoon' phase, Roy moved in for a kiss. He pressed his lips to Ed's chin, nipping slightly before moving up and claiming his mouth. With another defeated sigh, he opened his mouth and allowed Roy to invade his mouth.

Roy allowed himself a moment to enjoy a few gentle kissed before he tilted his head down, kissing the boy's chin and neck, pausing there only long enough to leave a hickey - which would no doubt piss Edward off later- before continuing lower.

He stopped at a nipple, biting and sucking at it till he earn himself a faint gasp, then moved down to nip at a sharp hip. The bite left a faint red mark but nothing too bad... so he bit harder. The blond flinched and growled a warning as his metal hand roughly gripped dark hair.

Roy grinned a fake apology and moved on in his exploration.

That grin should have pissed Ed of, but the colonel was getting so much closer to his cock and it was starting to feel so good that he could ignore those sharp teeth.... if only the bastard would just take those annoying fingers out of his ass...

“Fuck!” Ed gasped and clutch his hand painfully tight in Roy's hair when he bit him again. “Fucking stop that, you dumb fucker!”

Edward always did have a way with words.

Roy kissed the abused skin with smirking lips and slowly moved over to lap a bit of batter off of the boys stomach. He grimaced at the taste and finally swallowed Ed's cock whole and bobbing back up to lick away the remaining precum from the tip.

It was pretty sad that the bitter taste of cum mixed with cooking oil tasted better than the cake mix Ed was cooking - the kid really was a bad cook. He suck roughly and made a mental note to call Pammy -or was it Tammy?- and see if she would open shop a few hours early so he could stop by and get Hawkeye a real cake.

He continued to torture the teen with his tongue for a few more minutes. He loved the sounds his lover was making and he wished he could continue to listen to those sounds all night, but his cock spoke up with a pulse, informing him that, 'If he didn't hurry up and finish right away, then it was just going to finish on it's own, like it or not.'

Oh well. No use arguing with his dick - it was the brains of this operation after all.

With a shrug, he removed his fingers and position himself properly, waiting until dazed gold eye lazily meant his before pushing in and watching those gold eyes shot wide before slamming shut.

Panting, they laid still. After an eternity - plus a few more days for good measure- Edward nodded his permission and Roy, gratefully, began to rock his hips.

Edward winced as the strong thrusts caused his head to banged against the cabinets and gasped in pleasure as his body sent mixed signals of pleasure and pain.

Pain, pleasure, pain, pleasure... good, bad, good, bad...

Fuck... he didn't know what to think. No, that wasn't true. He knew just what to think. Colonel Roy Mustang was a complete and utter bastard.

That shit colonel was a good foot taller than him (not that Ed himself was short, mind you. The colonel was just freakishly tall, thank-you-very-much.) and yet he was managing to stay back far enough not to get a concussion while Ed had his head knocked loudly against the wood with each rough movement.


Fucking bastard.
Roughly, he wrapped his legs around the narrow waist above him and pulled Roy closer against him, and made a deep throaty sound at the older man's grunt of displeasure when his head connected soundly against the wood.

Edward grinned at him, all smug and pleased. Roy would normal consider such bliss across one of his lover's face a sign of contentment. But this was Ed and Roy knew better. That smile was all because of the large bruise that would undoubtedly be forming on his forehead soon.

Edward was a damn sadist. Well, if he wanted to play rough...

In one quick motion he hooked his arms under the blond's knees, bring them them up onto his shoulder while pressing forward, nearly folding the body under him in half.

Ed grunted. The position was uncomfortable. His neck was craned at an odd angle, and though his head was no longer taking the brunt of the impact, he shoulder's now were, and, well... damn.

Roy moaned and groaned all kinds of uncivilized but delightful noises with each rough jerk of the hips and Ed panted in return, feeling the thick cock push and pull in and out of his ass.

It was hard, fast, rough sex. And god, was it good. He fought to keep his muscles relaxed as each deep jab hit his prostate, causing him to moan as a warm feeling began to grow in his belly. Soon, he was banging his own head roughly against the cabinet in frustration, trying to both fight off and reach that one perfect moment.

He whimpered and Roy showed mercy, wrapping his hand around Ed's dripping length, stoking at a firm pace.

God, he was close... so damn close... just a little more and... and...


SPLAT!


In the blink of an eye, Edward Elric was covered in sticky, white gunk.

Roy's movement stopped.

He stared at the blond, pointed, and then laughed.

“You... your... -gasp, chuckle, choke- The cake batter! It feel off the counter! Landed on your head!” Roy announced the obvious, not bothering to hide his merriment as he pulled himself free from the blond, balancing for a moment before falling onto his rump. “Oh god, I... I ... HAHAHAHAHA!”

“Yes.. I know.” Ed said in return - not at all amused - as he pushed the plastic bowl of batter off of his head and attempted to wiped the stuff from his eyes.
All the while Roy continued to point and laugh.

“I really hate you sometimes.”