Can't Take My Eyes off of You

A/N: Another one. Don’t look at me that way, you knew it was coming!

Disclaimer: Hah! I’m writing DBZ yaoi, if I owned DBZ, you’d be watching this instead of reading it. So no, I don’t Dragonball Z/GT or it’s characters.


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Dad and I were training, like usual, and I, was unusually getting my butt whipped. On any normal occasion, I would be at least holding my own, not letting his power overwhelm me, but today, I just couldn’t seem to focus. He was getting hits in he shouldn’t have been getting and I was leaving openings that allowed him to get in and do very real damage.

One punch cracks against my skull and I find myself imbedded in the side of a mountain.

“Gohan, that was too easy! Why aren’t you paying attention, it’s been like this for weeks. You can’t just space out in the middle of a fight, it will get you killed!”

Dad wouldn’t kill me though, unless I blanked out in the middle of a Ki struggle, then I’d be toast for sure.

I get up from the rocks and don’t instantly realize the damage done to me until I free myself and fall. What seems like miles of blue sky rush past me as I make my descent to the ground. I don’t even try to get up and stop myself, just hoping that the impact jars my senses.

The impact never comes. Dad has me by the arm, holding my limp body, pulling me up and dropping me on the edge of the cliff.

“Get up.”

I don’t want to.

“Dad, I need a moment alone, I don’t feel so good.” He sighs angrily and walks away from me to sit on the ground.

“What’s wrong with you? Are you sick?”

Maybe I am. “I think so.”

I’m in no physical pain, save for the little headache I have, but otherwise, I’m in mental anguish right now. For now, I’m not getting my butt kicked.

“Wanna go home?” That sounds like a good idea.

He takes me home and watches as I go straight to my room.

Sitting at my desk I tilt back on the chair and think about what’s wrong with me and why…why I was staring at him the whole time. He was distracting me from him, if that makes any sense, and I wasn’t paying as much attention as I should have been, otherwise I would have saw the hits coming. I didn’t.

I was too engrossed with whatever I was thinking about at the moment and strangely enough, I can’t remember what it was that had me so zoned out. I’m not so sure I want to.

“Gohan, can you come here for a minute?” Dad calls from somewhere in the house.

I don’t want to go wherever he is. I don’t even want to talk to him. But, if I don’t go there, he’ll come here. I get up and go to him, dragging myself slowly as if I were walking to my doom.

I end up in the doorway of his room, hoping he won’t ask me to come in. “Come here.” Damn. I walk over to him, tense as heck and a little afraid. Of what, I don’t know. “What’s wrong?” He asks concernedly, sitting on the bed he and mom shared when she was home.

“I—I don’t know.” I really don’t. If I did though, I don’t think I would tell him. But I know that whatever it is, it has something to do with him. He hasn’t changed at all in my whole lifetime, sure he’s gotten more mature, a natural change. As much as I know about him has remained the same all my life. So what is it about him that bothers me now?

“Son, I want you to know you can talk to me. I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I’m a great listener, or so I’ve been told. Why don’t you try again, and this time, tell me whatever it is on your mind, even if it doesn’t make a lot of sense.”

I’m not a stupid person. I won’t tell him anything. I don’t know what to say. I open my mouth to tell him no, but nothing comes out. I’m trying, I really am, but I can’t. My mouth gapes open for a minute, shaping itself to form words, but my problem is just as clear as day.

I can’t say no to him. I’ve never been able to, not when it came to ‘trivial’ matters. This isn’t life and death, this is….I don’t know what this is, but I can’t manage to tell him no. I have to lie, say something, anything, to get him off my back. It’s out of respect in any case, but now, for the life of me, I can’t say no to my father, because I’m staring at his face and it’s not coming out.

“Gohan? Come on, you can tell me.”

“Do I have to?”

He hesitates, looking away. “Well, no, I suppose not.”

Then I won’t.

I turn and walk out of his room, leaving him alone on the bed, worried. I’m worried about me too, I don’t understand what might be happening to me, it’s one of those things that change so gradually, you don’t realize it’s happening until it hits you with such a strong force, you are left dazed and confused afterward.

That’s how I feel. Confused. Scared. And maybe, a little bit withdrawn from him. He’s my father, I’ve been close to him for as long as I can remember.

But lately, something is different about him. Something that only I see, because for some reason, I see him this way. I don’t know what way it is. Suddenly, I’m overly happy to be around him, I still enjoy his company, and things are just a little bit out of the norm. It wouldn’t bother me except…I want more. I don’t even know what more is, we spend enough time together, not that Mom has a job in the city. We practically spend every waking moment together, our father and son bond the strongest it’s ever been with Mom “out of the way”.

What the hell is going on? What’s wrong with me?

He’s confused, I know, but I just don’t know what to say to him. He might not be able to help me with whatever is wrong. He doesn’t deserve my attitude, or my sudden aloofness that I’ve had for weeks. What can’t I tell him though?

Maybe because I watch him far more that I ever used to, for some reason I’m taken by his presence, as if I haven’t seen him in years. A warm feeling, strange and fuzzy, builds up in my stomach, even as he pounds my face in, and knocks the wind out of me.

I stare, like something has taken possession of me, and I can’t stop for too long. I don’t think of anything when I look at him, or I don’t remember that I do. I just don’t seem to find a problem in doing so. He either doesn’t notice it, or he thinks nothing of it. But…it can’t be….normal. I’ve never done it before, I don’t know anyone else who does it, and I know I shouldn’t be doing it. But why not? It was weird, but why was it so strange?

I feel the way it’s so odd to do it, the way that nagging feeling in the back of my eyes is telling me to look away. I never listen. I should, always. But that’s nothing, it’s just harmless staring, right?

Right.

Only, I can’t begin to explain the feeling I get when I look at him, or why I get nervous when he’s close to me. He’s Dad. He’s always around, always near me, always there.

Lately though, as I’ve been getting older, and delving into the center of my youth, I’ve begun to realize, that everything looks and feels different. Mom is ten times more annoying, Dad’s friends just seem too immature for me, and the only thing that has remained constant is my relationship with him.

We’ve gotten closer, as the rest of the world floats farther away from me. How to explain something like this? The answer never comes. I never expect it to.

While the world is like another plane of existence for me, home with Dad is always welcoming. Comforting. And…something else. I’m in high school now, and it hasn’t changed things for the better. I don’t have any friends, because none of them can relate to me. I have enemies, because all of them are jealous of me.

Nothing makes me happier than to come home and train, sit, stargaze, eat, take a nap, talk, play or fish, with him. Nothing.

Maybe I’m not used to a bond, the way I may have been if he hadn’t been dead for so many years, maybe, it’s all coming too fast for me, and it just feels a little weird. Maybe I should slow down. Spend more time away from him, and just let our relationship breathe. Dad will be hurt to know that I want to be away from him, but it’s easier to watch him in pain than to explain the confusing jumble of feelings my life has suddenly become. He isn’t the kind of person that can take a hint, so I’ll have to out right tell him I need some space. I enjoy his company, immensely, and I hate not being around him, but that seems to be the source of my unrest.

Dinner is quiet. Good, but quiet. Mom asks what’s wrong with us. We normally have anything under the sun to talk about. But I don’t feel like talking.

“You’re acting like someone died! Come on, say something.” Neither of us open our mouth. “Fine, I’ll start then. How was your day a----

“Fine.” I mumble quickly, hoping that she either move on to another topic, or ask a question that isn’t so generic. Not every teenager is in a hurry to tell how their day went at school.

Mom looks at Dad and back at me. “Did something happen between you two? Are you fighting?”

Dad looks at me briefly before he answers. “I don’t know. I’m not the person you should be asking what’s wrong.” He stops short and bites into a oversized meatball, with less enthusiasm than usual.

She looks worried, probably hoping against hope it isn’t anything serious.

“I hope you get over it, because I won’t have this at my dinner table again. Patch things up, I don’t care what you do, just get over whatever it is.”

Oh, I intend to Mother.

Dad gets about a third of the way through his meal before he gets up and walks outside.

“Outside, now Gohan.” I suck my teeth under my breath but follow him without further complaint. Mom eats by herself, inwardly glad we’re “getting along”.

He speaks first. “You’re different now. I can feel it. I don’t know what it is, but I think that I at least deserve to know why----

“I signed up for an after school program. I won’t be coming home until 9:00 as of tomorrow.”

His eyes flash for a moment, and he closes them. “Why? You don’t need any tutoring, you don’t need to be taught much of anything, what do you need that for?”

“No, but I need to be away from you.” That hurt, I know. He looks sad, and confused.

“Why?” He asks in a small voice.

“Dad, I need to breathe. I can’t have you smothering me all day.” I don’t mean it, not a word of it. I had to say something. Inside, it’s setting my heart on fire and shoving a spork through it, but I go on, hoping that he will understand.

“You’re right. Things are different. I just need to…I…time away, that’s all.” He nods.

“Sure. All you had to do was ask.”

Oh yeah, why didn’t I think of that? I could have just said, “Hey Dad, do you think you can do me a favor and stay away from me?” That might have worked.

Without another word he goes back into the house. I stay outside, not wanting to go in there. For both our sakes, I hope this works.

TBC…..

You guys were expecting a one shot. Ha, well this is my first, an maybe one and only, chapter fic ever. I’m splitting this up because it will be slightly different from my other ones. So, review at your leisure and drop me a line if you feel like it. Update when I can, don’t expect it to be tomorrow or anything.