Matters of the Heart

Matters
of the Heart

Trowa watched the sleeping boy with a faint smile. His
only movement was the steady breathing of a sleeper, and he looked so boyish
and innocent for just those few moments in time that it took his breath away.

Catherine appeared at the door, “Trowa? Is there any
change?”

He shook his head, “He is healing, and that is all.”

clasclass=\"MsoNormal\">She shrugged, “It won’t harm him for you to come out
of there and see people, you know.”

Trowa shook his head, “I want to be the first thing he
sees when he awakes… a familiar face to show him he is safe.”

It was a plausible reason, and to Catherine there was no
reason he should be lying to her. She nodded and left, leaving him alone.

The reality was, as Trowa
had cared for this wounded soldier, he had grown to love him. He had seen him
in battle, and feared and admired him, and he saw him like this, helpless,
unconscious, and he was just as amazing. So he wanted, for however brief a
time, to be this boys only assurance that he was alive, that he would fight
again.

Finally, he stirred. After three more days of waiting,
the long eyelashes fluttered. Trowa hurried to his side and spoke softly,
“Don’t try to move, you’re still not healed. Is thenythnything you
want?”

The boy looked at him with his deep blue eyes, slowly,
assessing danger, then he said quietly, his voice croaky with misuse. “I’m
a little hungry, if it isn’t any bother.”

“No bother.” Trowa answered with a smile. “Would
you like to sit up, first?”

“Please.”

“Right,” Trowa slipped an arm under his shoulder,
lifting him a little, “Put your weight on my arm, and be careful. Don’t
try to move too much.”

After a moment’s manoeuvring, Trowa propped him up with
his pillows. “I’ll be back in a minute.” He said quietly with a smile.

When he came back the boy had closed his eyes, and he
looked asleep again. At the sound of Trowa’s soft steps, he looked up. “Do
you know my name?” He asked, as if nothing mattered more than that.

“No, I don’t.” Trowa replied, feeling a little
sheepish that he didn’t know the name of the boy he loved.

“I don’t have one, in particular. My code name is
Heero Yuy.” He said wryly. “And yours?”

Trowa shrugged, “I have been both no-name and Trowa
Barton. Like you, I don’t have a name of my own.”

Heero smiled, “Then we can understand each other.”

Trowa nodded, sliding the tray onto the bed. “I don’t
suppose you want me to spoon feed you.”

A nod, then he was struggling to sit straight. “How
long have I been out?”

“Almost a month now.” Trowa told him, watching his
face for reactions; “I’ve been caring for you.”

Doubt crossed Heero’s face, “A month?”

“They believe you are dead. Not many people know you
are alive; just me and Catherine.” Trowa reassured him.

“Catherine?”

“The girl who was here earlier before you awoke.” He
explained. They were silent for a moment, then Trowa glanced at his tray,
“Are you done now?”

Heero nodded, looking pale and tired. Trowa looked at him
with concern. “Would you like to lay down again?”

“What’s been happening while I was out?” Heero
said, disregarding his concern.

“If you lay down, I’ll get you my files. But you look
too tired - ”

“You think I’m weak?” The boy asked, his blue eyes
blazing.

Trowa shook his head quietly, “No, I think you’re
anything but weak. But I do think you’re wounded, and you are still
healing.”

“I have been trained to carry on under any extreme pain
or injury. This is nothing.” Heero argued.

Trowa shrugged, “I don’t care about that. For the
moment, you are my patient. Please, lay down.”

Heero glared at him, and he just looked back silently.
Finally, the boy shrugged and nodded, laughing a little as Trowa began to help
him.

“The perfect soldier has met his match.” He said
softly, and for a moment, both boys were frozen, looking into each other’s
eyes.

Then Trowa took a deep breath and looked away, drawing
the covers over his ‘patient’.

“Have a good sleep, and when you wake we’ll see about
getting you up to scratch on events.” Trowa said softly, fighting the urge
to bend down and kiss Heero’s forehead.

“Yes, doctor.” Heero said dryly, and Trowa bit back a
laugh.

~*~*~*~

Heero was struggling to sit up when Trowa came in. He
raised an eyebrow, “Feeling better?”

“I want to sit up.” He said stubbornly.

“It’d be easier if you lay down.”

“What…?”

“Bed .” A.” At Heero’s quizzical expression, he
shrugged, “Think I was going to let you just stink out our caravan?”

Heero blushed, and Trowa thought he’d never seen
anything quite so… pretty. “Sorry… go ahead.”

He put the water down by the bed, and taking a deep
breath, he peeled back the covers. He powerfully wished he was still asleep,
or that he was healed enough to it himself. Heero made it easier, once he had
pulled off the vest top he was wearing and had lifted his hips slightly to
pull his boxers off, he lay perfectly still with his eyes tight closed.

Trowa wet the sponge, and slowly began to wipe it across
Heero’s muscled shoulders, tracing them almost reverently before reaching
behind him to clean the back of his neck. He washed the other boy as quickly
as possible, and redressed him. By the time he drew the covers back up, highly
relieved that it was over with, Heero was asleep again. Again he felt that
powerful urge to bend down and kiss his cheek, and he refused, moving back to
the foot of the bed to watch his love sleep.

~*~*~*~

Heero lent heavily on Trowa as he helped him to sit on
the edge of the bed. Trowa had kept him in bed for another week, and he had
come to admire this quiet acrobat who helped him so willingly.

“Catherine cleaned and mended your own clothes for
you.” He was told, and his own spandex and green tank top was laid on the
bed beside him, “Do you need help dressing, once I’ve changed your
bandages?”

“I think I’ll be okay, thanks.” Heero decided.

Trowa shrugged, as if it didn’t matter, “Alright
then. Here, let me get at you.”

It took only a few minutes for him to change the few
bandages that were still necessary, and the work of a moment to rub the
lavender scented ointment into the remaining wounds.

“You’re nearly healed.” Trowa remarked, standing
up. He seemed almost sad. “I’ll be back in a minute to help you out. Get
dressed while I’m gone.” He stepped out of the caravan swiftly, and left
Heero to dress himself.

A moment later, the long legged boy was back, and he had
managed to dress himself. Trowa slipped his arm round Heero’s waist and let
him lean most of his weight on him until he could stand.

“You won’t be used to walking, having been bed ridden
for so long.” He reminded him, “I’ll take you out past the circus, to
that area of trees. Don’t be afraid to tell me if you can’t walk that far,
I can carry you just as wnow now as I did a month ago.”

“Alright,” Heero answered softly, strangely grateful.
He wondered why this almost stranger would care for him for so long without
expecting something in return. “Why did you do all this for me?” He asked.

Trowa laughed, “Why indeed? Mostly because I saw you
fight. You’re an awesome fighter.”

“Not good enough.” He said bitterly, gesturing down
at his bandages.

Trowa stopped and looked at him. For the first time he
could see both of his emerald green eyes, shining bright with emotion.
“Don’t bring yourself down, Heero.”

“Why should you care? I failed.”

“I just care. Just because you did something wrong
doesn’t make you the worse a soldier.” Trowa said calmly, “In fact, it
makes you better. Experience.”

“It’s true I haven’t had much experience of…
anything.” Heero replied, and he seemed to be thinking.

Trowa helped him sit down, then to his surprise sat down
beside him on the grass. “Me neither. We’re both wounded soldiers,
in the emotional respect.”

Heero shrugged, and lookeoundound. Apart from the group
of trees and the circus a short way away, the place seemed to be deserted,
just soft grass everywhere. He sighed, deciding for this brief time to let the
soldier part of him go, and just be a boy. With a boy’s needs.

The moment he thought that, he looked down at Trowa.
Without the guards against him he had as a soldier, he suddenly noticed how
cute, even sexy he was, with his long legs and perfectly muscled torso. And
when he met his eyes… they were beautiful, a gorgeous deep, mysterious green
that seemed to capture him and draw him in. He smiled, and Trowa smiled back.

And he began to talk. He had never talked to anyone
before, but he began to talk to Trowa now, simply because he felt he would
understand.

“I’ve been with Dr. J most of my life… but not all
of it. Before that, I was with a man called Odin Lowe. He was kind, kinder
than Dr. J has been to me. He was the one who taught me how to shoot, how to
go under cover… I don’t believe he was my father, but now, I like to wish
he were. To make me seem more human, you know?”

Trowa smiled, moving closer so they sat
shoulder-to-shoulder, “I know very well. I like to wisat Cat Catherine is my
sister… we can prove nothing, but she firmly believes I am her long lost
brother… and who am I to argue?”

“Catherine ery ery kind.” Heero said. Trowa sighed,
though he did not say why. “She would be a good sister to you.”

“Yes.” Trowa looked pained, “She hates war. It was
that way she lost her family… me? All I know is war. As long as I remember,
I have been a soldier. First with the mercenaries, and that w bat battle in
itself, and later as a Gundam Pilot.” He turned his head to look at Heero,
“There was a girl there. I saved her… her name was Midii Une. She betrayed
me, but I feel that she also loved me. I wonder how she is, now.”

Heero shrugged, resting his head against Trowa’s
shoulder, “Did you love her?”

He laughed bitterly to answer that, “No, though I wish I had. Maybe she
wouldn’t have done what she did. All my mercenary friends died the day she
betrayed us all.”

The two boys sat silent, and before long they fell asleep
in the shade of the big trees. Catherine, seeing them from back at the circus,
smiled and hoped that her bro had had found a friend in Heero.

~*~*~*~

Theye ase as the sun was setting, and Heero seemed
surprised to have fallen asleep. Trowa looked at him, and they suddenly
laughed for no reason. “We must have been asleep hours!”

Heero nodded, and seemed about to give the precise amount
of time they had slept when Trowa, eyes sparkling brightly, shook his head.
“Come on, we’d best get back.” He helped Heero up gently, and began to
walk him back to the caravan.

Hestopstopped him, “Can we… watch the sunset? I’ve
never thought abit bit before, but I feel…”

Trowa nodded, and they sat down once more, this time on a
log. He didn’t remove his arm from round Heero’s waist this time, and
Heero didn’t seem to want him to. He rested his head gently on his shoulder,
and they stayed quiet, watching the sun sink in a gorgeous splendour of fiery
colour.

“Some things are so beautiful they have to be
shared.” Heero said softly, as if he had only just realized that. Trowa
looked at him, puzzled, and offered a small smile.

A little gasp seemed to stick in his throat as Heero’s
arms slid round him, one round his neck, his other hand resting in the small
of his back. Heero looked into his face with a strangely searching gaze, and
when he spoke, his voice was reverent, “Is it okay if I want to share this
with you?”

Trowa couldn’t answer, and Heero, seeing this, leaned
forward and genplacplaced his lips on Trowa’s. There was no response at
first, and he was about to pull back in shame. Trowa quickly pulled him back
as he felt him go, his hand drifting up to grip in Heero’s hair. He kissed
back this time, opening his lips to let Heero’s hesitant tongue slide into
his warm mouth.

“Lets get back inside.” He whispered, as Heero
released him. He nodded silently, not looking away. Before he even had a
chance to move, he kissed him again. The kisses seemed to search his soul, and
he willingly surrendered it to Heero. He had been dreaming of this so long it
seemed surreal no was was happening.

“Come on.” Heero said, dragging him up roughly. He
seemed able to walk a little better, and they made good speed back to the
caravan.

Trowa shut toor oor softly on the gathering night, and
turned to Heero. Heero looked at him, and he seemed so desperate for the
affection that he could give.

He stretched his arms out for him, and pulled him close.
Their combined body heat seemed to burn, and he felt a new sensation burning
through him, a higher need he had never felt before. His kisses became
hungrier, and Trowa rose to meet his passion.

“Do you know… how?” The other boy asked, panting,
between their kisses.

“I don’t know…. I’ve never…. What am I
feeling?” He asked, wanting a name for it.

Trowa was breathing heavily as Heero’s hands traced
over his body. “Want. Desire. Need. Passion. Arousal. Lust. I don’t know,
Heero – ”

Heero silenced him with a finger on his lips, replacing
his fingers with his mouth as his hands moved across him again. “Desire.”
He said softly, savouring the word. “Do you desire me, Trowa?”

“More than anything.owa owa whispered back, trembling
with the force of holding himself still as he looked into his love’s blue
eyes. He moaned loudly as Heero’s hand slid into his pants and caressed his
growing erection.

“What can I do? I’m sorry… I’ve never done
anything like this before…” Heero sounded embarrassed.

Trowa pulled back reluctantly, stilling him with a touch.
“One moment.” He said, and his voice was husky with need.

He scrabbled in a drawer, feeling for a small tube. Then
he was back, putting it into Heero’s hand. “I’m as inexperienced as you,
but… I think we can do all right. I know what to do, I think.”

Heero put it carefully on the shelf behind him, and then
his hands were back on Trowa. He wanted him, oh so badly. They were both so
desperate; Trowa had never had such human touch before, and Heero had never
been let to have any kind of relationship.

Trowa thought of something he could do, and he held
Heero’s hands still. “Let me do something.”

He bent down before him, and slowly pulled down his
spandex to reveal his dripping cock. He was almost scared to touch him, then
he tentatively licked. Heero cried out loudly and he looked up to see what he
was doing.go ogo on…” Heero encouraged him. He leaned forward again, and
swallowed him whole. He almost gagged, but he reminded himself this might be
his only chance, and he let Heero’s cock slide deeper into his mouth.

“Trowa!!!” He half screamed now, and Trowa began to
suck, placing his hands on Heero’s ass and massaging him as he sucked. After
a few minutes of this, Heero was thrashing with pleasure.

“St-stop… I’m going to…” He choked, “I
don’t want to - ”

Trowa pulled back, his lips swollen. He quickly pulled
off his shirt and trousers, then his boxers, and Heero did the same.

“God… you’re…. beautiful….” Heero whispered.
He reached forward and caressed Trowa’s need gently, looking into his eyes
as he did so. His lover was gasping his name, and he looked so sexy;
shivering, his single bang falling into his lust clouded emerald eyes. “What
do I do?” He asked quickly.

Trowa was thing ing gently into his hand as he gasped out
instructions, “You have to…. coat your fingers with – aah – the lotion
and…put them inside me…it’s called – Heero! – stretching me…and
then you can put your cock…inside me…”

If Heero didn’t quite understand all of that, at least
he got the gist. He groped behind him, and managed to uncap the little tube.
“Trowa…” He breathed, “It’ll be easiest…on the bed…”

Trowa followed him willingly, and lay down, spreading his
legs. Heero knelt down between them, and coated his fingers with the lotion.

He found his entrance and slid his lotion-slicked finger
in very slowly. Trowa tensed, and Heero kissed his strong stomach reverently,
“Relax, love.” It was that ‘love’ that made Trowa relax more than
anything, and he let his lover’s finger go right into him.

He had never felt anything like it – how could he have,
never having let anyone close to him sexually – the finger burned, but he
felt full, and it felt wonderful if a little strange.

Heero wiggled it about a little, and when he felt Trowa
relax fully, he gently slipped another finger in beside the first.

Trowa arched off the bed a little, and Heero tried to be
very tender, bending his head to kiss across his hips, licking along the line
of Trowa’s sharp hipbones. He very gently began to scissor his fingers, and
as Trowa’s body loosened, his fingers sank deeper into him. Suddenly, he
touched something inside him that made him cry out loudly. He looked up
sharply, and saw that it had given him pleasure. He probed around a little and
found it again, making Trowa arch up.

Heero guessed that another finger would do, so he eased
it inside Trowa, rising up so he could tease his erect nipples. He bit
lightly, sucking hard as his lover gave little helpless gasps of satisfaction.

“I’m… ready, Heero.” He hissed as those three
fingers wriggled around deep inside him.

“Are you sure?” Heero asked, looking up into his face
again with concern.

They seemed to have switched roles, Heero no longer the
injured patient, Trowa no longer watching him for any signs of pain.

Trowa caught hold of his shoulder and dragged him up,
kissing him fiercely to leave him breathless, “I’m sure. Don’t waste
time, Heero. You can’t mess about with sex.”

“What if I hurt you?” Heero said, doubting for the
first time.

“That’s why you’re going to put lotion all over
your… here, let me.” Trowa poured some into his hand and smeared it over
Heero’s cock. “Now, please Heero.”

Doubtfully, Heero eased forward until he was nearly
inside him, then took a deep breath and smoothly pushed the tip of his cock
inside.

Trowa gave a little scream, but he was obviously not in
pain, his face was contorted with blissful pleasure. Heero bent his face down
to kiss him, and his kiss was eager as he encouraged him to wrap his legs
round his waist. It was the easiest position Heero could think of, and there
would be time to experiment later. For now, all that mattered was thrusting
into his tight heat.

“Come on!” Trowa growled trying to thrust back
onto him, but he pinned him down by the hips.

He slowly slid forward until he was fully inside the long
legged acrobat. They kissed again, and then Heero began to make shallow little
thrusts with his hips. Trowa’s body was tense, trembling. He had never
imagined anything as fulfilling as being filled like this, feeling the throb
of Heero’s cock deep inside himself.

Trowa was panting by now, his hands trembling as he
stroked Heero’s chest and shoulders. “Please, Heero, more, please.” He
whimpered. He followed Heero’s body down to stroke the back of his legs.

Heero moaned at that feather light touch, rewarding his
lover with a deep thrust.

“A He He cried as Trowa punished him for the slow
pace with a sharp squeeze of his inner muscles.

“Please, Heero.” He begged, his emerald eyes blazing
with his passionate fire.

Heero gritted his teeth, pulling out slowly and slamming
in as deep as he could. He knew he had found that place in Trowa that he had
touched earlier when he threw his head back and moaned louder than before.

Heero bent down and ravaged his throat, glad that his
lover wore high-necked clothes a lot of the time. He gasped as the other boy
bent to make a similar mark low on his shoulder.

“Trowa!” He cried, thrusting as deep as he could.

Trowa looked into his eyes with an expression of awe.
They looked like deep wells of dark blue water, glittering ie moe moonlight,
but clouded by a glossy sheen of his lust.

“Heero…” He breathed, dipping his hips into a
thrust, opening his mouth to let Heero dominate him completely. He knew that
this sex, these marvellous feelings, should be repulsive to him, but he closed
his mind to those whispers of homophobia. The mercenaries had taught him that
this kind of thing, sleeping with a man instead of a woman, was bad, that
everyone would hate him. It didn’t seem that bad, it couldn’t be. Heero
didn’t seem to think so, either.

Heero seemed to sense his thoughts, his hands caressing
him more gently than before, “Does this feel wrong to you?” He whispered,
still thrusting deeply with his hips.

“No… Should it?”

“They say so…” Heero dismissed it, attacking
Trowa’s mouth again.

“It can’t be.” He said decisively. Heero thrust
deeper than ever inside him, and he screamed with pure pleasure. “It feels
too good to be wrong.”

They began to move in earnest now, Heero’s hips moving
like pistons as he pumped in and out of Trowa’s more than willing body.
Every thrust of his hips had Trowa moaning, hitting that place inside him that
made stars explode behind his eyes, and Heero lost himself in the rhythm of
pulling out and pushing back into a tight, hot passage that squeezed around
him wonderfully. He was panting; both boys were covered in sweat.

Trowa tipped his head back and cried Heero’s name as he
climaxed, his tightening body gripping Heero. The blue-eyed boy managed two
more thrusts before his release splashed out to fill Trowa, unknowingly
claiming him as lover forever.

The frenzy of sex over, they lay quietly, their breathing
loud in the silence as they recovered, breaths evening out.

“I’m sorry, Trowa.” Heero sounded a little
sheepish, “I wanted my first time to be for love, not desire.”

“What do you think this was for me?” Trowa demanded,
“Love and desire can co-exist you know. I’ve loved you and wanted you for
more than a month!”

“Huh?” Heero lifted up a little on one elbow to look
down at Trowa’s face.

“Yes, I know.” Trowa said bitterly, “You don’t
love me.”

“I never said I didn’t love you. I just thought you
didn’t love me.” He whispered, “I fell in love with you that
first time I woke up… you were sitting at the end of the bed, and the light
was streaming in on the side of your face. I thought you were an angel or
something.”

Trowa smiled, laying his hand parallel to Heero’s, “I
fell in love with you when I first carried you away from the battlefield.”

Heero gently closed his fingers around Trowa’s, “Ai
shitteru.”

Trowa didn’t understand Japanese, but the meaning of
that was just so obvious. He grinned happily, snuggling closer to Heero before
whispering sleepily, “Love you too.”

~*~*~*~

He smiled as he woke beside his love. He gently pulled
his hand away from where it had been resting, palm to palm with Trowa’s. He
placed a tiny kiss on the palm, watching the sleeping acrobat’s fingers
twitch slightly.

He slipped out of the bed silently, kissing Trowa’s
forehead. He looked down at his peaceful form with a tender smile, then slid
outside into the fresh air, breathing it in slowly. The breeze tingled across
his naked skin, but it was night and who would see him?

He looked up at the stars, watching a single shooting
star streak down till it seemed to touch the ground. A low moan from inside
made him turn back, but before he went, he made one promise to himself.

His whole life, once the fighting was over and he was
free, and even when they were fighting side by side, belonged with the
sleeping boy he had just made love to.

The perfect soldier had met his match. The match of his
heart, his mind, and his soul.